Conference moira::parenting

    What makes an army brat is being born to active military, it has
    nothing to do with behavior.
    
    Bratty behavior comes from people who don't raise their children with
    respect and teach them to respect others and other's property as well.  
    
    Meg, (an Army Brat)

    But does that lack of respect have anything to do with the mentality 
    that goes with being a military person?   i.e. travel the world 
    ("neighborhood");  conquer and destroy ("my wife's flower bed");  :-)
    
    
    I forgot to mention that most of these kids carry some type of 
    toy weapon / wear various articles of camo clothing / occasionally
    wear camo makeup.    This is all new stuff to our neighborhood.
    The various scenarios that this type of behavior could lead to later on
    in the teen age years (bb guns, knives, etc.) do not make me feel so
    good.
    
    

    re .2
    
    Absolutely not!! as a brat of a brat I was raised to respect property,
    neighbors, cats, dogs, other kids..............
    
    Camo doesn't bother me nearly as much as the raiders uniforms that run
    around my neighborhood at night complete with cans of spray paint and
    real weapons.  They most certainly don't come from military families
    either.
    
    meg

    re.0,.2
    
    I've encountered children such as you describe that weren't had not
    family in active or reserve military service. They surely are brats.
    Most the kids on my [current] street carry toy weapons of some sort and
    none are from military families. And don't get me started about the
    kids and adults from the neighborhood that cut through my yard and
    destroy the ground-cover ontheir way to the strip mall.
    
    I agree with Meg. Brats are brats.
    
    I grew up a "triple threat" -- Air Force brat, Diplomatic Corp brat,
    Preacher's Kid -- and we dressed for dinner, said "sir" and "ma'am" to
    adults, was taught to respect people and their property, to share ...
    the list. [My father wasn't particularly regimented. Mother was the
    disciplinarian in the house]
    
    I think military children are, in general, more adaptable and less shy
    in new situations -- you sort of have to be if you aren't going to be
    in one place for very long or life will just pass you by while you try
    to come up to speed. So when you get a real brat [thanks to the
    parents], a military child is perhaps less likely to be chastened by a
    confrontation.
    
    Then, too, military brats have this rep -- some earn it, some don't,
    but they all have it. When I lived in civilian neighborhoods growing up
    I found people very prone to attribute any trouble I got up to [and I
    didn't get up to much] to me being "one of those military brats" rather
    than the rebellion or high spirits or whatever that caused their own
    children to act out.
    
      Annie

    
    re .0
    
    It sounds like my neighborhood ;-) The attraction of my neighborhood
    is that kids can run free, with minimal supervision. I don't mind
    kids running thru that yard as long as they know what not to step on.
    I would show them around the yard explaining to them where the flowers
    are, so they can stay off the flowerbeds. My yard has the access to
    a pond, which attracts a lot of frog catchers in the summer. I make
    sure I know who the kids are and where they live, and I talk to the
    parents about the danger invvolved. Sometimes, I find stray frisbees 
    and tennis balls in my yard. Kids are always going to be kids. I'm sure 
    my daughter does her share of damage in the neighborhood. To date, the kids
    are under control. Now, only if I can stop my cats from sitting on my
    flowers and the neighbor's dog from using my lawn for relief...
    And yes, when my daughter is grown, we'll move back to the boonies...
    
    
    Eva

I deem myself as the authority figure in my yard.  When others fail
it's time to step in.

We have a place on a lake with young children visiting...
I always put my hand on the shoulder or arm of the child I'm talking to
(because they'd rather run away and play, too much excitement) and
"walk" them through the rules. 

- I point out the poison ivy.

- I tell them why no glasses or bottles are allowed near the 
  waterfront.

- I show them where they can play near the water's edge without 
  supervision.  If they go passed the "line of demarcation" they
  will have to sit in time-out on the porch, (for a short period)
  when the swimming begins.

- I tell them what "No Diving" means, "ONLY FEET FIRST" and explain
  that pushing on the docks will not be tolerated.

- I point out the fish beds (nests) and tell them not to disturb nature,
  we are only borrowing this lake from nature.  Don't tease the ducks.
  Anything you catch (butterflies, toads, fireflies) have to be 
  released by sunset so they can catch/eat their supper, too. 

- Then I tell them THIS IS MY HOUSE, you don't obey the rules
  you won't be invited again.  AND I MEAN IT.

- So far the worse offenders are the parents.

   o "It's OKAY, I said they know how to dive."
   o "You wanna take that toad home with you?"  [certain death]
   o "They can swim without me [no supervision] we have a pool."
   o "Oh, I thought NO GLASSES OR BOTTLES applied to only the kids."
   o They are the ones throwing their butts into the water instead
     of using the provided ash-buckets.  :-}  (I've see ducks try to 
     eat them.)
    

    I agree with the previous noters who said that a brat is a brat,
    and being in military life has nothing to do with it.  That said,
    I do think that the frequent moving has something to do with it,
    as well as frequent absences of the father.  My brother-in-law was away
    A LOT when my sister's boys were small, and it was hard for her. 
    Sometimes she was a "single parent," other times she wasn't.  In those
    situations -- when you've been handling the kids alone for weeks and
    you're ready to shoot yourself, or when you feel like you've done
    nothing but yell for the past month -- it is tempting to throw up your
    hands in despair.  And let's not forget that often our little darlings
    KNOW when they've got us over a barrell!  They're only human, too.
    
    That said, .0, have you spoken to the parents about the kids'
    behavior?  If they are in the military and living in a civilian
    neighborhood, maybe it's worth it to invite some of them (along with
    your other civilian neighbors) for coffee or something, to try to get
    to know them better.