Conference moira::parenting

    I saw a story on TV once about a boy who helped his brother make
    "monster socks" or some such things to scare the monsters away. I
    helped my son make a "monster mask" (a painted paper plate) to scare
    the monsters away. It's worked so far....
    

   I seem to recall hearing that its partly a power struggle when dealing
   with monsters... I don't mean between parents and kids, but in the
   kids' own minds.  .1 said it as well - give the kids some way to feel
   like they are in control.   I found with my kids that it wasn't enough
   to tell them that there were no more monsters or that I had gotten rid
   of all the monsters - the monsters always seemed to find another way
   to sneak in!  :-)  I ended up teaching my kids how to scare them away,
   so that any time the monsters came back, they could take charge and
   make the monsters go away.  
   
   Depending on when it was and how the kids felt, they have either
   adopted the method of simply commanding the monsters to "GO AWAY!", or
   they have learned how to growl like lions and tigers to scare away
   the monsters.  So far it has worked for us..
   
   - Tom

    	Awhile back (in another notes version) someone had suggested the
    use of Monster spray. Water in a spray bottle that was "guaranteed" to
    keep monsters away. The testimonials were that it was rather effective
    and it seems to re-enforce the idea of giving the child control over
    the monsters.

    					Wendy

    We really haven't had to deal with this yet (our son will turn 2 in one 
    week), but since he just had his first (that we're aware of) nightmare
    (he thought that there was a chipmunk "biting his pajama shirt" - poor
    thing), we picked up Ferber to see what he thinks about all of this.
    
    My take on his thought is that excessively looking for the monsters and 
    trying to chase them away actually confirms that there may be monsters 
    and that the parents are also afraid of them.  He feels that it's more
    important to ensure the child that you are in control and will protect 
    them.
    
    Again, I have no opinion on this, since we haven't had to deal with it,
    but I thought that I would share this perspective since it differs from
    the "monster spray" type approach.
    
    Leslie

    
    	Hmmm, I've had the same nightmare as your son but mine was prompted
    by a squirrel actually being in our bedroom this weekend and me turning
    on the light to see what the noise was only to find a red squirrel
    inches from my head (it had been on the bed). All I could do was sit up
    in the bed and keep yelling YIKES, YIKES, YIKES!! Poor Marc woke up not
    knowing what the heck was going on.
    
    	We never did catch the squirrel but we ended up camping out in
    Spencer's room for the rest of the night.
    
    	Enough to give me nightmares for a loooooong time.
    
    				Wendy

    A large set of barbecue tongs worked wonders for Carrie.  She
    understood that we couldn't see her monsters, but she could, and the
    "monster tongs" gave her the strength and distance to remove them on
    her own.  
    
    Meg

There were strings in earlier incantations of Parenting on this subject.

Oneof the popular monster remedies was a spray bottle of water called
Monster repellant.  You squirt it around the room before bed, and then
leave it with the child so he/she can squirt a few times, and feel in
control of the situation.

Stuart

    One of the most popular books for children here in Israel i called
    "Pachadron Ba'aron" (can be translated to maybe "scareset in the
    closet" or something). It deals with kids fears from a the child's
    point of view. The main idea is that if the child says there's a
    monster in his closet-he's right,and now we have to deal with that
    monster. The story is about a child who believes there is a monster in
    his closet,and he can't fall asleep. One night he decides to check in
    the closet. Sure enough-there is a monster-but the monster is SOOOO
    scared!!!! they end up being good friends,and every night when the kid
    goes to sleep-he makes room for Pachadron in his bed...
    I give the book as a B'day present to kids I know (2-3 years old) and
    I love it. The idea of letting your kid know that he has the right to
    be afraid-but letting him know that there are ways to overfower the
    fear- I like it.
    I,personally,do not beleave in monster sprays... but one of the kids
    who got the book-shut the closet door after a long time,and used to say
    "good night Pachadron" every night before going to sleep...
    R/

Elise, at 3, is beginning to find things "scary".  One time
she saw something in Sarah's bedroom, and came running.
Another time, she said there was a monster in her closet.

I've been taking three tactics on this.  First, I tell her
that we should go look at the scary thing together, because
scary things aren't as scary when our friends are with us.
And then we go look at it.  (There's never been anything
there, and I always take her seriously.  Feelings are
feeling, you know.  One time she said she must have made
a mistake).

Second, when she sees a monster, I ask her if it was one 
of her good monster friends (thank you, Sesame Street).  
So far she has always agreed it was a good monster.

My third tactic, which I have not yet had to use, is to
remind her that our dogs always warn us when someone or
something is there.  They bark like crazy, and if there
was a scary thing or a monster, they would bark and let
us know.

Good luck.

Pat

    I remember my mother helping me come to terms with monsters. There was
    the monster that cleaned the floor, the monster that ate dirty clothes
    & spat them out clean, the snake that put water everywhere... We
    tackled them together, turning off & on getting an idea of control.
    
    Then there was the crocodile under the bed which was another matter
    (don't tell anyone, but in the early hours of the morning, he's still
    there :-}. I suppose if we'd had any 'monster spray' it could have
    dealt with the unseen (but sensed) monsters. What happens when you're
    away & forget to take it with you? I'd have to think about the
    'talisman' side of this as well.
    
    Andy

    Like Rivka, I decided, after umpteen nights of fruitlessly trying to
    chant them away, to help Ilona make friends with her "pachadrons."  I
    used the following tactics, and hope they work:
    
    * Compared monsters to dogs.  She's not afraid of their claws and teeth,
    so why be afraid of claws and teeth on monsters?
    
      I told her how I was afraid of dogs until we got a puppy, and we both
    agreed I was very silly.
    
    * Read Where_the_Wild_Ones_Are (Sendak) to see how Max handled his
    monsters.  Noted that he danced, sang, and played with them.  Ilona
    plans to try this with HER monsters.
    
    * When she told me the infamous monster on the roof is purple (her
    FAVORITE color) with sparkly eyes like Ilona and a face like Mom, I
    told her that's the monster's home and its not nice to yell at her.
    
      Suggested she be courteous to her monsters and not frighten them by
    screaming.  They do scare easily.  Assured her that other people have
    their own monsters, just like her.  She seemed happy to know that
    everyone is so blessed.  ;-)
    
    * Told her that these are HER monsters and she can decorate them as she
    wishes.  Ask them nicely, and they'll turn all her favorite colors, get
    sparkles, wear dresses, etc.
    
      As she's the decorator of the world, I hope this and the other
    techniques do the trick.
    
    We'll see....
    
    Laura
    
    ps: Hoping for a full night's sleep
    

Laura,

I still remember in a somewhat blurred way my own experiences with night-
monster fears when I was around four years old.  I remember being terrified, 
waking up screaming.  Mostly my monsters lived under my bed, or over by the 
curtains.  What finally helped me was when my parents gave me a flashlight
to have on the table beside my bed.  Anytime I got frightened I could turn 
on the light.  The monsters always vanished when the light came on.  A good
supply of batteries is probably a good idea if you try giving her a flashlight.

Leslie

    My daughter has a GLOWORM that sees her through the night....
    
    Roberta

    Well along with the holiday season, Atlehi has discovered the monsters
    upstairs (Same place Carrie's monsters used to live)  Guess it is time
    to dig out the monster tongs, again.  It started with Frank playing a
    Pink Floyd album the night before.  she came running down the stairs
    saying "Papa's music is too scary!"  Then yesterday she told me there
    were monsters upstairs that like "scary music"  Needless to say, Pink
    Floyd is off the playslist for a bit.  
    
    Carrie is tryiong to prep Atlehi on a visit to Santa, I just wonder how
    she is going to react with the rest of the "scary" stuff she is running
    into.  
    
    meg

    Try the Mercer Mayer books (I found them in the library) "There's a
    monster in my closet", and I think the other one is "There's a
    crocodile under my bed".