Conference moira::parenting

    Things I would look at:
    
    1) First and foremost, what type of care does she give compared to what
    you might get with someone else.
    
    2) If you only give her 2 weeks, she might have the slot filled by the
    time you need her again.  You cannot expect her to hold the spot and
    affect her finances while you all are saving all the money.
    
    3) How much does she charge compared with how much you would have to
    pay someone else.
    
    4) Tell your husband to be realistic.  Ask him what he wants to do,
    save money or have good care for his child.
    
    
    IMHO
    
    Mike

    I must agree with your husband.  It is unrealistic for you to
    continue paying her while you are looking for a new job.  First,
    you will no longer need full-time daycare (it is unlikely, you
    will have interviews everyday).  Although, you will have a package
    when you leave DEC.  I would try to save as much as I can, just in
    case you cann't land a new job immediately.  Is it possible that you
    change the care to part-time, say 2 days a week?  How many openings
    your sister have?  She can probably take a new full-time child and
    won't affect her income.  
    
    Finally, I know it takes a lot of work to find good daycare.  But
    there are a lot of good ones.  Don't be afraid to change.  You need to
    be flexible in today's economy.
    
    Good luck, Wendy
                                        

    When my husband was laid off in May, we dropped down from 4 days, 9
    hours per day to 3 days, 8 hours per day. We were lucky to have such a
    flexible caregiver. That enabled my husband to have 3 days/week to
    schedule interviews freely and yet kept day care costs to a minimum. 
    It also provided some continuity for my son.  I went back to full-time
    and he stayed with Andy the other two days a week. We were very
    fortunate in that he was working again within two months. When that
    happened, we went back to full-time day care. 
    

    Well, it happened, but not to me.  My husband was partially laid off
    yesterday.  His company has decided that they will work every other
    week and next week he has the week off without pay.  They were also
    told that they couldn't take vacation time during the next 2 months
    until business conditions improve and they return to full employment.
    
    After some debate, and knowing that I could be laid off on Monday, I
    decided to pay my sister for the month of December regardless of what
    happens.  This is essentially a 4 week severance package for her.  My 
    husband wasn't thrilled about my decision, but I explained to him that 
    this is family (he'd do it for his family) and it isn't easy finding 
    another job right now.  
    
    After January 1st, and if I'm not laid off, my husband agreed to pay my
    sister half her regular pay the two weeks he'll be out of work.  What
    she's going to do is look into taking in another child to compensate
    for the loss of pay.  If I am laid off, she may change her plans again,
    but these are the plans as of today.
    
    Thanks for everyone's advice & if you'd like to comment on our
    situation, feel free.
    
    Regards,
    Christy
                          

Sounds like you worked out a solution that's good for everyone.

I've been thinking about it too, and my sitter even asked if I'd give her
notice should I get laid off.

I've pretty well decided that if I got laid off I'd probably not look for
another job.  I'd stay home and we'd eat beans for the next couple of years
to make ends meet, and I'd try my hand at being a full-time mom
(a dying breed and soon-to-be lost art IMO).

As for the babysitter, in general I'd give her 2 week's notice, but in the
spirit of the holiday season, if I got laid off next week I'd pay her
through December.

If it were my husband getting laid off it'd be a whole 'nother ball game -
he doesn't get the option to quit unless I substantially increase my salary
:^) and after all I've gone through to find this sitter I would do
everything I could to hold onto her (she comes to my house and watches my 2
kids).

To be fair to her and to meet our needs, I'd sit down with her and
negotiate something.

	This probably doesn't help now, but when you are looking for a daycare 
provider, severance agreements are a good thing to discuss, and get agreement 
on up front.

Clay  

    I will be getting TSFO'd around the December 14 but I have decided to
    keep the girls in daycare till the end of December and then I will be
    sending them for two half days a week after that so I can have some
    time to job hunt and relax.
    
    Since I don't have a home based provider I don't have to worry about
    this issue, but I agree it may be a good thing to discuss up front. 
    Today's economy seems to dictate it.
    
    I'll miss everyone.
    
    Angie

 Here's my dilemma.  I will be leaving Digital on Dec 25th.  We currently
have an in home provider (her home) that we use 4 days per week.  She has
become a very good friend and has always been a fabulous provider for 
Christopher.  I will have roughly 6 weeks completely off before we will
need her to take Chris back (5 days per week).  During the 6 weeks I will
be "free", I would like to spend as much of that time with Chris as possible.
However, my husband and I feel that for the sake of continuity, Chris should 
go at least 1 day per week.

 I felt that we should continue to pay the regular 4 day rate during my "free"
time, for a few reasons. 1. Losing our money would be difficult for our
provider 2. She has always been VERY flexible with us as far as Chris's
schedule goes 3. She is a friend.

 My husband, on the other hand, thinks we should pay x amount less than the
4 day salary since losing our money would be difficult for us.  Of course,
I will talk to her about it, but was wondering what you thought.


         Laura

    Perhaps you could work out a compromise.  Say you send 1/3 of the
    normal hours, but pay her 2/3 of the normal pay?
    
    -Tracy
    

    
    If the folks are counting on your income, you either need to pay it all
    or risk losing the provider.
    
    
    Mike

    Sorry I wasn't clear.  I'm not suggesting unilaterally making that
    decision.  I'm just suggesting a compromise that _may_ be acceptable 
    to everyone.  It may be worth it to your provider to take less pay for 
    a defined period if she knows she is going to have a full-timer back 
    afterwards and she doesn't have to look for and get to know a new child.
    And she is, for that period, getting paid for twice as many hours as she is
    actually caring for your child.
    
    If this is not acceptable or possible for her, then you'll have to decide
    whether to pay her for full-time or risk losing his spot.
    
    -Tracy
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    

 -.2 In my particular case, there is no fear of losing the provider, but I
want to do what's right for everyone.  We have always given more than expected
(she has certain days during the year that she is closed for holidays, vacations,
etc) by paying for days/weeks that we're not responsible for.  We do this because
she is a great provider and we want to let her know that we value her.  But,
we're taking about at least six weeks here, it's a little different.  Ultimately,
the decision will be hers, but I'd like to propose an arrangement rather than
leave it completely up to her.  Has anyone dealt with this before?

              Laura

    RE: .12
    
    I'm a bit confused about how you are paying more than expected.  If you
    look at daycare as a service, I would think that paid vacations and
    holidays would be expected...  You get them don't you?
    
    As far as payment for the six weeks goes;  My wife works it out this
    way:  1/2 payment for the duration to hold the spot.  This means that
    you pay a little for the assurance of a spot.  The provider loses a bit
    of income, but also knows that a family that is known will still be
    around.  We haven't had any problems with this arrangement so far.
    
    Good luck,
    
    Dan

    I don't see why EITHER side should be all give or all take.  I think a
    mutually agreeable compromise is the answer.
    
    Jeff

    Jeff,
    
    If the provider cannot meet their financial obligations without the
    income, this is when it becomes critical.
    
    
    MikE

RE: .13

 My provider publishes a calander of days that she will be closed (holidays and 
personal vacation time).  These are unpaid days according to her handbook (she
is very organized).  We generally pay for these days and this is what I meant by
paying extra.

 Thanks for all the replies and suggestions, we are going to offer her 50% of
her normal pay, as a place to start.  Of course, we want her to be happy so the
final amount may be different.
               Laura

    re .15  ..... the provider may be unable to meet her financial
    obligations.
    
    Brother, I wish my employer (DEC) was that understanding and would
    continue to pay me if excess sickleave or other unavoidable
    interruptions in my pay (layoff) created a situation whereby I couldn't
    meet my financial obligations.
    
    This daycare provider is very fortunate that she has such understanding
    customers.
    
    Jeff

    
    I don't see it that way, Jeff.  If the daycare provider was taking the
    six weeks off, then she shouldn't expect to get paid.  This is not the
    case unless I've misunderstood the situation.  So your comparison does
    not hold any water if my interpretation is correct, if not then it is
    chock full of water.
    
    
    Mike

    You have a point, but six weeks IS a long time to pay for services you
    aren't getting.  It might make sense to have the child withdraw from
    daycare and then renegotiate starting him/her after the six weeks are
    up.  I know, its tough to find good daycare and.......
    Thats why the compromise, fairer to both sides.
    
    Jeff

    RE: .-1
    
    The issue seems to be: Why pay for services that you are not using?
    
    The counter issue from the provider's point of view is that the parent
    is requesting the provider to "hold a spot" for a child.  If, as was
    suggested, the child was withdrawn, the provider would most likely fill
    in the empty spot with a new child.  When the original parents want to
    restart care, there may or may not be a space.  There is a risk
    involved here.  What is being suggested is a compromise where the
    provider will give up a bit of income in order to keep a family, and
    the family will continue to pay a "maintenance fee" to reserve the spot
    for full time care later.  It seems to me that both sides are giving a
    little in that type of arrangement.
    
    Dan