Conference moira::parenting

    I found that all I learned in Lamaze I could have learned in
    one two or three hour session, with a nice trip through the
    maternity/delivery area thrown in.  We spent so much time
    just laying around trying to relax and listen to nature music
    tapes.  It drove David crazy!
    
    I did get some good information from them though, and would
    not consider it a total waste.  Learning the breathing did not
    take all the time that was devoted to it.  It was good to be
    in a forum to ask questions that you haven't asked of others.
    Like, is there a color (blood, etc) when you break water?  I
    learned about, now I've forgotten the word, but it's the baby's
    first bowel movement.  I came out with enough information to
    give me confidence, but don't feel we needed six weeks of 
    2 1/2 classes.  
    
    I laugh now thinking of it.  We did a mock "natural delivery gone
    Cesarean routine".  It was just to give you an idea of how many
    people would be in the delivery room for normal delivery and then
    for Cesarean.  This proved most useful, because lo and behold, I
    went Cesarean!
                   				cj *->
    

    I don't know what you mean about "not going natural", are you already
    planning a c-section?  Even if you are planning an epidural or other
    anasthesia/analgesia, I would recommend a birthing class of some sort
    if this is your first because there is a lot of information out there,
    and knowing more of what to expect during labor and delivery never hurt
    anyone.  Surprises have happened.
    
    I personally prefer Bradley childbirth stuff to Lamaze, as it
    concentrates more on birthing than breathing, and focuses on working
    with your body instead of trying to overcome labor with breathing (NOTE
    this is just MHO others mileage may vary, and I understnad the "lamaze
    training" offered by many places includes other options than the old
    "Huff and Puff" they had in the classes I attended 21 years ago.)
    
    meg

    
    I took the class almost 10 years ago. My husband thought it
    was a waste of time. We missed some really good Celtics games
    (Larry Bird and Co was hot back then). The most I got out of 
    it was the tour of the facility. Everything else I could read 
    about. I didn't like the idea of having to wait for everyone to 
    show up and such. A private appointment would have been preferred.  
    At that time, the doctor, as well as the hospital,  was really 
    pushing for the class. They went as far as saying that no coach 
    was allowed in the labor room without a certificate. I ended up
    with a C-section and my husband thought we should get our
    money back for the class! With the second child, we planned
    a C-section and I didn't bother with any refresher class. 
    
    
    Eva

    
    I enjoyed the class for the sake of meeting other new parents.  We
    have had 6 reunions over the last 15 months and plan to have more.
    Of course, we are unusualin that we were a small class of 5 couples and
    we all had alot in common both in interest and in background which is
    why we still get together.  So, for that, I'm glad I attended the
    classes.
    
    I also found some of the information useful regarding the anesthesia
    options (although I went into panic mode when showed the size of
    an epidural needle).  The tapes of deliveries were also good to see.
    
    As for the relaxation techniques, they were a complete waste for us
    since neither of us could take it seriously.  I also don't know why but
    they showed us 5-6 different techniques.  I used none of them.  I
    just went for the epidural.
    
    Karen

    I thought they were a waste of time.  The instructor was so bad that I
    wrote to Framingham Union to complain.  I got much more information out
    of the book, WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU ARE EXPECTING.
    
    nmp

	I thought lamaze class was very useful, even though I had
	done a lot of reading (plus had sisters that had gone
	through the process several times).  My husband learned a lot,
	and asked a lot more questions than he had during the earlier
	parts of the pregnancy.

	We got to use nearly all the "coping techniques" ;-) , too,
	so it was helpful to know what they were and what their 
	affects may have been (I used all my breathing, some demerol,
	an epidural, pitocin, internal monitors for the baby, and
	the vacuum extractor).

	I personally would recommend it for any first timer.

	Karen

    I didn't bother.  I had spent enough time in this file to feel fully
    prepared for anything : )
    I read "What to Expect..." and anything I could get my hands on. My
    husband was working off-shift, so he couldn't go with me to class
    anyway.  I also know that focus and breathing were NOT going to be of
    any use to me, with my particular method of dealing with pain, so I
    didn't see the point.  I had a private tour of the facilities.
    I think my husband could have benefitted by a class or two, however.
    The look on his face when he saw that epidural needle was priceless : )
    Sarah

I thought the LaMaze class was invaluable -- partly, I think, 
because my instructor was so good.  She really downplayed the
breathing part -- mostly it was education on what would/could
happen.  I remember writing her a letter afterwards stating that
2 of the most valuable statements she made to the class
were:

It's okay if you don't feel prepared for childbirth, but
you do know what you need to know.  (This was at the last class after 
asking us if we felt prepared -- I remember shaking my head "no").  

Look around the room (there were 10 couples).  It's highly likely
that at least one of you will have a C-section.  I hope that none
of you do, but prepare yourself for the possibility.  I remember
saying to my husband -- she's right!  I don't think it will be
me, but I ought to be ready for the possibility.  And I did 
deliver via C-section.

BTW, I read just about everything I could get my hands on, but
I still learned *a lot* in my classes. 

    I went to the lamaze class on my 2nd child. There was a 10 year lapse
    between my first and second and I felt like I was starting new. My
    husband really enjoyed it.  I learned a lot about the medications
    and their possible side effects to both the baby and mother.  Also what
    the hospital offers (because their not all the same) for pain during
    delivery. Something  I never new the first time around.  We didn't 
    concentrate on breathing during labor  too much.  Only the last 10 min.
     or so.  We had a lot of exercising to prepare for labor, back-pain relief
     stretching, etc.  The instructor we had concentrated a lot on after
     the delivery, which is very important. I did't go with my 3rd child,
     but I will say that it was  informative.
    
    Rose

    I thought the lamaze classes were great!  I asked a million questions
    and learned about things I had never thought to ask about.  The
    best part was it was a weekend session.  We went Saturday and Sunday
    from about 9 to 2 (I don't know if I would have liked the classes
    strung out over 6 weeks).
    
    Good luck,
    
    laura
    

The lamaze classes we took didn't turn out to be too useful for us.  We had the
classes on sun evenings...and in 1993, most of those weekends, we had bad snow
storms!  The classes were often cancelled...and we kind of rushed through the
material in the remaining classes!  The classes were useful in that you could
ask any question that came to your mind..nothing that you cannot ask your doctor
or nurse though.  It just felt good to be sharing those feelings with others! 
In our case, we didn't get to use any of the breathing techniques at
all...Shruthi( my first!) was born after an incredibly short labor( just over
3hrs!) which took all of us(including my doctor) by surprise!!

--Chaya.

    used to be asaying -- if you signed up for Lamaze classes [not just
    childbirth classes, mine were not sponsored by LAmaze but taught that
    same things] that you'd deliver early and never finish the series.  
    happened for my sister and several friends...
    
    I took a refresher [3-hour] course for my 2nd child -- it had been under 4 
    years but things do change -- and it did come in handy.  This time my labor
    started differently, I thought I just had an upset stomach and diarrhea
    from that -- then I remembered the nurse saying that sometimes labor
    feels like it's starting in back and moving around your sides.  Son of
    a gun -- Shaina was born 4 hours later!
    
    Sandy

    
    I took the birthing classes .... I'd say they were VERY helpful for
    explaining terminology, what to expect, that sort of stuff.  The
    breathing -- well, I don't know about the rest of you, but it was
    pretty tough for me to sit there and imagine that I was in horrendous
    pain.  I didn't get much out of the breathing part.
    
    Two things .... there ARE classes offered if you know you're having a
    c-section, that deal more with the medical issues, and what to expect
    and how to move afterwards (KEY information!).
    
    And .... I found instruction offered by St. Joseph's Hospital in
    Nashua, that would match a nurse to you, and offer (I think it was 3) 3
    hours of instruction, more focused to what YOU wanted to learn.  The
    cost was comparable to the classes, and it was covered by my insurance,
    since the insurance just covered "$xx.xx for child birthing
    instruction".
    
    I hated the 'whole class' atmosphere, and sitting there with a bunch of
    people you don't know but DO know some very intimate details about - it
    all struck me as weird.  "Hi!  I don't know you to have coffee with
    you, but how's your uterus feeling?"
    
    Good Luck!
    

    I didn't take any classes.  We really didn't have time for it with 
    our schedules (my husband works 5 nights/week and I work 1), and I 
    had no interest in being in a room with a bunch of pregnant women 
    every week.  Plus the insurance didn't cover the cost ($100-$150 
    depending on where we chose).   
    I read lots and lots, and, I asked the doctors office and they gave 
    me a tape on breathing and delivery.  From the combination of books 
    and tapes, I knew everything about what to expect, what could happen, 
    what was available for drugs, what would happen in an emergency, etc, etc.
    When I was in labor, the nurse walked me through everything, including 
    breathing, etc.  I do not feel that I missed anything by not going 
    to class.

    I found it to be very useful.  There was a lot of discussion on what to
    expect and even some of those things that are not routine that could
    happen.  This was extremely useful, as my labor and delivery were not
    what I would call normal.  The lamaze did tell me that there are other
    things other than "normal".
    
    Lisa

    
    My husband tells me over and over again that the "guys" at work say
    that the classes are a waste of time but he would go if I really wanted
    him to.
    
    Well, my call on the whole thing is, what's one night a week for two
    hours for 5 weeks straight?  It gives us the perfect excuse to spend
    some QT (quality time) together seeing he is so busy with side jobs
    during the week.  He will learn what I am going through and maybe feel
    included in the whole pregnancy thing and maybe I'll get more in-depth
    understandings out of it that I haven't gotten from the doctor's office
    or from reading.
    
    

	.16 reminded me of our second or third lamaze class for
	some reason:

	I thought it was such an interesting class, and started
	to talk to my husband about it on the ride home.

	He didn't really respond, admitted he wasn't really
	listening, then said, "You know, I think I figured out
	the problem with that program I've been writing."

	He had spent the entire class coding in his head!

	

re .17:
    My husband had a simmilar attitude.  The first time I was pregnant, I read
    everything I could find about pregnancy, childbirth, caring for babies,
    etc.  Once I said to my husband "This is a pretty good book, why don't you
    read it?" and he replied "I'm sure that if there's anything I need to know,
    you'll tell me about it."  (I think he secretly did read them when
    I wasn't around...)

    He was (and continues to be) very much a participant in preparing for the
    arrival of our children and raising them once they had arrived, but I
    don't think he had much interest in anticipating and planning for things
    the same way I did.  He was more interested in getting the baby's room
    ready, insurance details, etc., leaving the "nurturing stuff" to me.
    Which is kind of funny, because I hadn't ever considered myself a
    particularly nurturing kind of person - the things you learn about
    yourself when you have kids...

			cheryl

    We had fun at these classes.  We're sort of corny people anyway, and it
    all seemed like the thing to do at the time.
    
    I was very glad that my husband had been through the whole thing.  We
    were CERTAIN that I was not going to have a c-section, so when I did,
    my husband knew as much as I did about it all.
                    
    It was important to me that all information not come from me to him,
    both in childbirth and in parenting.  I did not want to be the expert
    with him the assistant - I was really looking for co-experts (and all
    the implications of course).  The classes were sort of a kickoff to
    that approach.

    
    It din't really help me in the sense of the breathing and all that
    stuff, but the reason I thought it wasn't an absolute waste of money
    was that coming from the instructor's mouth, it *really* impressed
    upon my husband that this was tough stuff...uncomfortable, painful,
    etc.  I got *wonderful* back & foot massages after that.  Still do
    occasionally!  I did have a tough labor - ~22hrs, followed by a
    C-section; and she had prepared us for this.  Overall I am glad we did
    it.
    
    -Sadhana

    What I found to be the nicest part of these classes is the friendships
    you can make.  After all, where else can you easily find people who are
    all due around the same time?  I ended up with a playgroup of 4, 3 of
    the kids were born in basically the same week and the 4th a few weeks
    later.  We kept meeting for at least 2 years, till the 2nd kids started
    coming, then things got a bit crazy.  i still have fairly regular
    contact with one of the mothers, one of the others just called me after
    6 years(!), and the other has moved away.  
    
    sandy

    I add a "ditto" to Sandy's note.
    
    We made some wonderful friends during the class, but our best friends
    came towards the end of the class.  When it was time to go around and
    announce what we would name our baby, we proudly said "Chelsea Rose"
    and we knew that we were having a girl.  It was another couples turn
    that we didn't even talk to during the course and they announced that
    if it was a boy they would name him "Zack" and if it was a girl they
    would name her "Chelsea Rose".  Well of course we had immediate contact
    and we introduced ourselves at the end of the class.
    
    Zack and Chelsea Rose had a double "1st Birthday" together...they are
    two weeks apart.  Chelsea Rose (2nd) was born last October!  Three
    and a half years later we have been blessed with a wonderful friendship
    that keeps on growing...if we got anything out of this class (which
    there were alot of other benefits) this was truely a great gift!
    
    ..Lori

    My older brother was my coach for my son Joe, because Daddy was in the
    military at the time.  He attended all the classes with me, and since
    we both have a rather warped sense of humor, we could  not keep
    straight faces in class.  We were the bain of the instructor's
    existence.
    
    I found the information on drugs, c-section, etc., to be very useful,
    but the breathing was a waste of time for me.  Didn't help me get
    through the pain one bit.  I did wind up with a c-section, but only
    after 21.5 hours of labor (yikes!), so I do wish the breathing had been
    more effective.
    
    I will probably do the classes again this time, if only so that my
    husband will feel better prepared for the labor/delivery experience. 
    He's not the sit-down-and-read-7-books-about-it type!
    
    M.
    

    I took a birth class -- not specifically lamaze -- for my first
    pregnancy.  This time I also took a refresher.  I found it helpful to
    hear about the stages of labor and people's personal experiences, and I
    think that was helful to my husband also.  I don't think we remembered
    everything that was said, but still it helped to give a big picture.
    Eg. in the first, my husband realized when I was in transition, though
    I didn't at the time.  I ended up giving birth with no drugs, although
    we both expected me to not be able to do that ahead of time.
    
    This time I've been having contractions for 3 months, and I make heavy
    use of breathing and relaxation techniques to keep sane.  I also study
    yoga, so some of these techniques I am more familiar with from that
    source.  It's hard to learn in a few nights.  I'll see what I think
    after the birth of twins...
    
    Beryl

    I've been to only the one class so far. I liked it.
    
    I particluarly like the hand-outs.
    
    The first night was mostly devoted to going overanatomy and other stuff
    that I learned from reading and second had experience [i.e. I first
    learned more than I ever wanted to know about placenta praevia in 1965
    when my mother had it with my sister]. I think it would have been more
    useful to Rick [but he was on an emergency on the West Coast].
    
    We talked about breathing and relaxation -- mostly relaxation -- and
    did some preliminary exercises.
    
    The instructional materials stress relaxation and focus more than
    breathing -- although one must breath, of course.
    
    I'm looking forward to the next 5 sessions; most especially the tour
    of the Birthing Center.
    
      Annie

    I found the classes to be enjoyable if not helpful.  We had a fairly
    small class, 4 couples including us.  I put the breathing to good use
    in the 7 times that they tried to induce labor and finally the 30 plus
    hours that I actually was in labor up until I had the c-section.
    
    My husband saw the nurse who taught the class shortly after the
    pediatrician refused to release our son from the hospital when they
    found that he was running a fever (they had already released me).  Her  
    comment was that she should invite us to her next class as examples    
    of what "could" go wrong!

    I went for both births.  The first time it was OK, although the night
    they showed the labor video, I left the room in tears.  I was
    *convinced* I couldn't do it!  As it turned out, I didn't -- our son
    was breech and after 11 hours of in-and-out labor, he was born by 
    C-section.
    
    The second time, three years later, was different.  I was a nervous
    wreck, exhausted, felt like garbage, etc.  The breathing drove me crazy
    -- the room was very dry and all those deep breaths made my nose
    tickle something awful!  I just wanted left alone to wallow in my own
    misery.  I went into labor on a Sunday night around 8-9 o'clock,
    and managed on my own, without my husband or anything, until around
    3 a.m.  After that it was all a big blur.  I do remember getting to
    the hospital around 6, and our daughter was born at 8:20 a.m. after
    only 30-40 minutes of pushing.  No medication.  We got to the hospital
    too late for Demerol to work!  I also remember sitting up in our
    old blue reclining armchair, with my pelvis tilted forward and my feet
    up, and when I didn't doze, I timed my contractions with the Weather
    Channel!  The breathing didn't and doesnt take away the pain, but it
    gets your mind on something else.  The theory is that you'll focus
    on breathing and less on the fact that you wish it was all over!!
    
    Although we did not form fast friendships with the other parents in the
    class, I would still recommend going.  Things change rapidly in the
    field of obstetrics, and if it has been a few years since your last
    baby, you'll be glad for the latest information.  And let's not forget,
    it *is* a night out with hubby and *without* the kids!
    
    Good luck,
    Kate  

    
    Well, I'm a little stressed...
    
    My husband and I are suppossed to start Lamaze class the end of next
    month but unfortunately (for many reasons) he recently hurt his back at
    work and it turns out that he has a serious condition that it is going to 
    require surgery (Herniated/ruptured disk and nerve damage).  I feel
    terrible because he's in a lot of pain and I can't do much for him.  He
    can't sit upright or for long, he can't lay still for long and he limps
    when he walks.  Surgery is being scheduled soon and it will take a
    minimum of 3 months for recovery and extensive physical therapy. 
    
    Needless to say this and the fact that I am unable to do a lot of
    things around the house myself due to problems earlier in my pregnancy
    and taking off from work to bring him around to doctor's and
    appointments and working late to make up the time and keeping the house
    going.....has been slightly stressful.
    
    Well, sorry, I guess I took the time to vent and didn't mean to...my
    situation is ......
    
    What am I to do about classes?  Is your partner/coach required to do a
    lot during the class?  The closest family member (on my side) is 45
    miutes away and so are my closest friends that I would ask to stand in. 
    I'm really not close enough to any of his family members to ask any of
    them to share in this unique and special experience. So......
    
    Is there much activity in the classes that my husband would have to be
    really mobile for?  Are the classes something that I can go on my own
    for to find out what to expect (this is my first)? Any suggestions?  
    
    Thanks in advance.  Also, I didn't mean to get as long winded as I
    did...I guessed I used the opportunity to vent a bit...Sorry.
    
    

    Call the person who is giving the class.  When we took our class there
    were supposed to be 5 couples but one of the couples didn't come in
    because she was on bedrest.  The nurse gave them private lessons (went
    to their home).  The instructor may give that as an option or could
    have other suggestions.
    
    sandy

    Not sure where you are ... I know that both Memorial Hospital and St.
    Joseph Hospital in Nashua offer in-home training.
    
    As for your husband's involvement ... they like you to be "together". 
    You leaning on him, or laying in his lap or something like that ...
    touching each other is important.  If he could sit on a couch and you
    could sit on the floor sort of "between" his feet so he could rub your
    head/arms, that'd probably be fine.
    
    The thing that helped me most from my "Coach" was direct eye contact. 
    Someone to STARE at while the contractions were going, who would help
    me to remember how to "breathe".  
    
    Even in his current condition, I'm sure he could be an immense help to
    you.  Just knowing that there's someone THERE that gives a damn about
    you matters a lot.  And actually, about 10 hours into the labor, it
    could've been Howdy Doody who was there for me ... just so he got me
    focused! (-;
    
    

	If I were in your situation, I think I'd take the classes
	alone.

	I can sympathize with the stress - my husband needed *major*
	surgery seven weeks after my daughter was born.  We found
	out while I was pregnant, and made lots of trips to doctors
	in Boston during my last trimester.
	
	Prayers for you and your family,
	Karen

When we took our lamaze classes, there was one couple with a problem similar to
yours.  He had a really bad back...so if there were times that we were lying
down and doing some execerise stuff, he would just stand back and watch.  But I
think the main point is that he was around...more than the exercises, the
usefulness of the class was in talking about the whole labor/delivery process.

--CR.

           
    If I were in your situation, I would probably hire a doula.  Your
    Lamaze instructor or the hospital can probably provide some names.
    
    Having my husband present for the birth meant a lot to me, but his job
    was a very physically demanding one.  We were alone in the LDR a lot of
    the time.  He helped me in and out of bed and in and out of the shower.  I
    practically had to be picked up from a squatting position a few times.  
    I leaned HEAVILY on him when walking and he spent a lot of time pushing 
    his fists with all his might into my lower back.   I think he probably
    thought he was as exhausted as I was after 30 hours of back labor. Hah!  
    
    Your husband's presense alone is going to be of great comfort to you,
    but you have to make sure you have ALL the support YOU personally feel
    you need once you are in that hospital.  I had an extra person for ME
    present for the birth, and she and my husband worked together to help
    me achieve the unmedicated birth I really wanted.
    
    Just one opinion,
    
    Kristen
   

    I have had two children.  For the second one, we asked one of my
    dearest friends to be there.  (My husband had some episodes of rapid
    heart rate, including one that required a trip to the emergency room,
    and we were concerned about him handling the labor coaching job.)
    
    My friend and my husband complemented each other well.  He was the
    "real" coach who knew what to do, but she helped out in ways that he
    was uncomfortable with.  
    
    It worked out very well for us, and I highly recommend it.  A side
    benefit is that my friend, who is childless, was thrilled to witness
    the birth of my son and it has provided an intense bond between us.
    
    judy

    
    Well, I thought I would let folks know how things worked out for my
    husband and I.
    
    We will be attending our last Lamaze class next Wed. (7/26).  The
    classes went rather well.  John was able to stand up against the
    windows and get some support and there really weren't that many times
    where I felt left out because he was unable to do something.  We
    managed to work ourselves around his back problems and participated
    actively with the class.
    
    I'm glad we went to classes because I think it clued my husband into a
    little bit more of what to expect.  We met some really nice folks too.
    
    John is slowly getting better and I honestly do feel at times that I
    missed out on some needed "pregnant pampering" but it was nice that he
    made ever effort to participate the best he could in class.  He will
    not be returning to work until November some time and he has at least
    had his weight limit increased so he can now pick up his own child! :)