Conference moira::parenting

My opinion is that this is your child, and you and your husband
should what you think is best for him.  If you feel it is important
that he be Christened, then do it.

I think you should sit down with your parents (and your husband
should sit down with his), and tell them how you feel.  Tell them
that your worries about their behavior is making what should be a
happy soul-fulfilling event a very unpleasant duty.  Tell them that
as a new mother/father, you need their support in learning to fill 
that role, not their criticism.

Tell them what you want, for example, that they will come to the 
baptism, will be happy for your son, will be pleasant to all people 
invited, and keep their mouths shut about who is and isn't invited.

This is hard to do, but you need to establish yourselves in your
parents eyes as full-grown adults with responsibilities to your
son. It will make a difference in the long run, as parents who
overrun boundaries like this will continue to do so until you
ask them to stop.

Good luck.

Pat

    
    As you said Paul is *your* child, so you should do what you want. If
    anyone voices dissent, try and be as polite as possible and tell them
    that you are doing the baptism the way you want and if they don't agree
    they don't have to attend. I have just scheduled my daughter's baptism
    for the 17th of this month. My uncle is a Jesuit priest and will be
    doing the ceremony at my church in Townsend. St. John's has a public
    baptism once a month, but I'm allowed to do mine privately since I
    chose to. Usually in my family the baptisms are done in Weymouth where
    most of the family lives. There were some grumblings when I baptised
    my first daughter in Townsend about the drive, but heh, this is where I
    live and I want to be part of my community and church. If they don't
    want to drive the distance they don't have to come. As it ended up
    everyone that could come did and we all had a wonderful time.
    
    I wish you good luck in getting things straightened out. I know this
    whole ordeal can be more stressful than we want it to be.
    
    Patty

    Unfortunately, it seems like my husband and I are the party that is
    mostly disagreeing.  I happen to agree with our families, that the
    family should be invited.  My husband is the one that is saying that he
    doesn't want anyone to come but parents.
    
    cj

cj,

I think instead of worrying about guests for a christening, you should be
far more concerned about actually finding a church and minister that you
are happy with to christen your child, and a minister who is willing to
christen your child.  A lot of churches are requiring a committment of at
least one of the parents to a church these days, and also an agreement
between the parents that they understand that this ceremony is a committment
amongst parents, god-parents, the child, the church and the congregation
that the child will be raised in a manner which includes for want of a better 
description ... Christian education.

Ministers are far more outspoken that this is NOT intended as an excuse
for a social gathering, and so the majority of Christenings are performed
in a conventional church service with the congregation, and not just friends
and family.  Private christenings are far more rare.

I think that this should be your priority ... find the church and minister ...
then see how the rest works out ... and if you still have problems, discuss
it with the minister.

Remember the purpose of this ceremony ... it is not to please anyone ... 

Stuart

    I also had my daughter baptized on Aug 21 in Towsend at the
    Congregational Church.  Although I live in Worcester, my husband and I
    were married at the Congregational Church and Towsend is where I grew
    up.  Although my entire family lives there anyway so the commute wasn't
    a problem.  
    
    I didn't even invite one side of my family due to small problem that
    has been going on - and they probably didn't even know that Alyssa was
    even being baptized.
    
    Anyways, your raising your child - not the rest of the family -
    although sometimes it feels that way.
    
    Joolz
    

    My husband is a non-practicing Catholic and I have no affiliations
    (although I was raised Unitarian) and to avoid inevitable
    confrontations with the Catholic side of the family, we had an in-home
    'dedication' (Christening) by the most non-denominational individual, a 
    Unitarian minister. We then had a gathering in the backyard for friends and
    non-immediate family members.
    Everyone seemed satisfied. It was our choice, and as I pointed out to a
    critical family member, our son can never complain. He was Christened
    in a lovely manner, in his own home, surrounded by loving friends and
    family, and all of the things familiar to him. 
    
    Inspite of my beliefs (or lack of) and my husbands non-committment, we
    chose to Christen our son, just as I teach him a bedtime prayer. When
    the time comes he can chose his own beliefs. 
    
    My inlaws constantly point out that he should be raised Catholic, and
    as I point out, WE ARE raising him in the Christian manner of OUR
    chosing.
    
    Best of luck. It's a delicate situation, but as everyone else has
    stated - Stick to your guns. You two are the parents !
     

    I attended my neice's baptism, where only the grandparents and
    godparents, (I was the godmother), attended the church. There were 17
    babies baptized that day so I would imagine that all the relatives that
    were not invited to the church weren't too disappointed.
    
    My sister had a party at her house after the church and invited friends
    and family, and if anyone was interested in seeing the ceremony,
    (baby getting water poured over head and screaming), they could watch
    the video that my sister's father-in-law put together at the church.
    
    We found that the guests were just happy to see the baby and talk
    amongst each other, that no one really cared to look at the video.
    The real devout catholics were relieved that this child has been
    "cleansed" of the original sin, and that's all that mattered for them
    that day. Others who weren't sure what the ritual was for anyway, were
    just happy to eat good food and give gifts.
    
    So if your husband doesn't want people to come to the Christening, I
    think it works nice that way. But see if you can get him to have a
    "gathering" afterwards. I have attended Christenings in my family,
    only when I was going to be the Godmother, and never felt offended by
    not being invited the the church for the other christenings, but my
    family always invites brothers, sisters, grandparents, great
    grandparents, of both sides of families, and that, for us, is always
    enough for a party after the ceremony.
    
    You should be enjoying these times with your child, its a good idea
    to get it all straightend out now, cause next it will be first
    communion and confirmation. I think these points in a child's life
    are healthy, and a nice time for people to get together. I don't get
    all wrapped up in the religious part of it. (My husband is Buddist, so
    we have had some tough times when it comes to these issues.) But now
    that we have a child, and an uncle that is a catholic priest, we can
    pretty much set up our own ceremonies, (buddah included), and it all
    works out well. 
    
    Good luck and have fun!!
    
    

    -7 I would be interested in knowing what your uncle thinks about having
    ceremonies outside the church.  That is why Keith turned so against the
    catholic religion.  Seems their rules apply in some cases, but in other
    cases they do not (i.e, outside ceremonies). 
    
    I guess I should of pointed out that the reason why "I" believe my
    husband is having such a hard time about the guest list is because he
    asked his sister and her husband to be the godparents (and only
    discussed with me but never got my o.k.) and then when he got into a
    fight with them he told them they could not be god parents.  Seems he
    doesn't believe in the values that they are bringing their children up
    with and decided against it.  (Good idea in my opinion because I felt
    the same way.  Too often family are chosen to be godparents just
    because they are family and not because of the real reason godparents
    were made, IMHO.)  However, I understand their hurt and have tried to
    talk to them about it but they are just as stubborn as my husband.
    
    Because of this, tension is high and it was stated by other family
    members that they will not come to christening if they are not the 
    parents.  Problems already!  Those who wish not to come are welcome not 
    to if we decide to invite the immediate family however, it will be a
    stressful situation and this is why he thinks it better to not have
    anyone.
    
    So, to make a long story short, to help the situation I researched and 
    found that one) you did not need godparents for a baptism and two) 
    that the Rev. that married us would be happy to come to my parents house 
    (better suited than mine) to perform the ceremony outside.  
    
    I am thinking, after reading replies, that it might be worthwhile to
    talk to my husband about having only our parents there, have the 
    Rev. perform a private ceremony outside and having family join later.  
    This way, no one gets hurt, although the question will come up I'm sure.
    
    cj
    

    cj,
    
    I wish you the best of luck with this.  It is an important
    step in your childs life and in yours, to make the commintment
    to raise the child in a christian family.  I am glad you
    were able to find a minitster who will perform the ceremony.
    
    I was going to add that you do not need godparents for a 
    christening.  I actually had never heard of godparents until
    I was in my teens in Massachusetts and wonder if it is a
    predominantly Catholic tradition?
    
    Please fill us in on how your day goes.
    
    Pam

    CJ,
    
    As you were married by an Epicopal priest, why not continue and have
    your child baptised by one as well?
    
    My father is an Episcopal priest and [except in rare cases where the
    family is adamant about privacy] he performs baptisms as a part of the
    regular Sunday service. And there's usually a little bit of _extra_
    refreshment in the parish hall for after-church coffee. [Right now he's
    in North Carolina, but he's done this all over the US and the world --
    whereever he lived -- so it's not a regional thing]
    
    It's sort of by way of compromise. Let the family know that the baptism
    will be "a part of the 11am Eucharist service at St.Andrews" [or
    something] and smile sweetly at whoever shows up.
    
    Family members can't really go about changing the order of worship and
    tell you that you're doing it wrong.
    
      Annie

    -8
    
    As far as my uncle doing outside the church ceremonies, he will not do
    it. Its a big no-no in the church and he sticks by it. It became very
    difficult when we got married because we had our hearts set on an
    outdoor wedding. My husband wanted to be married outside so bad that
    we decided to use a J.P. But when we told my uncle that we would be
    married by a J.P. he said he would not be able to attend our ceremony
    or reception because in the "eyes of the church" we were not really
    married. The Catholic religion does not recognize marriages outside
    the church. (Oh brother!!!) So, I really wanted my uncle at the wedding
    and we ended up getting married by him. But some things that we got
    to twist around alittle were, Pre Cana, we went, but found a one day
    class that got it all over with on a Saturday, the weekend
    before we got married.   And for the Christening
    of our baby, my uncle did it at his church, we got to pick any day we
    wanted to have it and didn't have to go through a mass first nor did
    we have to attend church for upteen Sundays before he would Christen
    the baby. And the real fun part was that we made my uncle the
    Godfather, we thought it would be cool for my daughter to have her
    Godfather be a priest.
    
    You mentioned a problem in your family that your husband didn't think
    your sister and brother in laws would make good parents to your
    children, well I really don't think Godparents are intended to take
    over parenthood of your child if something happens to you. I see it as
    a "family" thing and a nice way for a child to have someone special to
    be called a Godparent. I am a Godparent of a niece and nephew and have
    no intentions of raising them if something should happen to my brother
    or sister. Hopefully they will make provisions in their will for
    whoever they want their children to be raised by. The aunt that I chose
    to be my daughter's Godmother is great in terms of being an "aunt" but
    she would not be my choice for the person I would want my daught to be
    raised by. Nor, do I think she would want to be a parent. I have been
    told that a Godparents only responsibility is to make sure the child
    is raised with the Catholic religion, and you mentioned that you are
    not going in that direction anyway with your child. So basically, the
    Godparents you and/or your husband choose are just a formality for the
    day of the ceremony and their names will be on the Baptism certificate.
    I think a good criteria for choosing godparents is to make it someone
    that you know will stay connected with your child throughout the years.
    I was very hurt cause my godfather was my dad's best friend at the time
    of my christening. Then they lost touch and I never heard from him
    again. My sister always heard throughout her childhood (and still
    today) from her Godparents and I remember I used to be jealous of that.
    So maybe you and your husband can rethink this thing. If you genuinly
    like the people he chose and feel they will be around for your child's
    life, then I would stick with them. They are not going to assume that
    they will have custody of your child if something happens to you, you
    can tell them that up front.Tell them that  you and your husband are still
    thinking about who to put in your will to take care of the child,
    should somthing happen to you. I bet they would be relieved and very
    happy to be the Godparents. 
    
    As for the other members of the family that won't come to the
    Christening if the Godparents aren't who your husband first chose, I
    would say they must not have much going on in their lives if they could
    be focusing so much on your life and your choices in your life. But
    then again, I suppose we could start another whole note on "IN-LAWS"!!
    
    Deb
    
    

    
    I am my niece's Godmother.  According to the documents we received from
    the church (Lutheran), it was our duty to make sure that she received a
    wholesome Christian upbringing, learned about God and church and all
    the rest that goes with it.  I was quite surprised because I remember
    always thinking that it was supposed to be 'next in line' to take over
    parenting if the real parents died.  
    
    .....and as a kid I remember thinking that if I really COULDN'T stand
    my mother anymore, I could always go live with my Godparents.
    
    An interesting point .... none of us kids were ever particularly close
    to our Godparents, nor got to spend much time (at all!) with them.  But
    even still, whenever we're together, there's a very special bond. 
    Can't explain it except to say that it's simply because they've been
    chosen to look out for us - two of the kindest people I know are my
    Godparents, and I can't say a thing that either of them has ever done
    for me, except love me.
    
    

It is a common misconcetion that Godparents will also be guardians in the
event of death of the parents.

While I am not a lawyer, and don't even play one on TV, there is generally
a legal precedence over who becomes your childrens' guardians ... and basically
starts with closest relatives, like brothers and sisters, and then passes to
your parents, aunts and uncles and so on.  Godparents don't enter into it.

The only way to effect any change on this "pecking order" is to include a 
request in your will to name selected people as preferred guardians.  You 
cannot guarantee that people you name will become legal guardians.  It is
solely dependent on the courts, and whether your family chose to contest
the appointment ... Often the courts seem to take the "blood is thicker than
water" approach, so if there is someone in family, they are often chosen by
a court in spite of any other request.  There are many cases of spiteful
family winning over requested guardians.

So, bottom line is to chose Godparents who will be just that ... to assist
in your childrens' spiritual upbringing.  It is more than just the formailty 
of the day, and the churches are very much trying to discourage this 1950s
through 1970s approach to baptism and Godparenthood.  They do NOT have to be
your childrens' guardians in the event of your death, and they should KNOW that
this is NOT your request.  It is a separate matter.

Stuart

    Is there a 'usual' age at which a child (Catholic) should be
    Christened?  (i.e., 3 months, 6, 9 ?)
    Our church, and others in the area we have attended, performs
    Christenings in private, usually at a set time for several
    babies, but not as a part of the regular services.
    
    We had also always thought it was the Godparents role to 'take over'
    if anything happened to the parents, but have since learned that
    it is the Godparents role to make sure the child is brought up
    with the proper religious education, and as previously stated
    couldn't legally take over if anything were to happen to the
    parents.

    
    It used to be that the baby was baptised at 6 weeks, this was when the
    mother's recovery period was over. Nowadays children are baptised
    whenever the parents get around to it. With Anna (born May 3) I waited
    until the heat of the summer was over and had her baptised at the end
    of Sept. (almost 5 months). With Lara (born March 1) I probably would
    have had her baptized prior to the summer, but my father-in-law started
    losing his battle with cancer and we were spending a lot of time with
    him and the family. Lara is being baptized next Sat. Sept 17th (6 1/2
    months).
    
    Patty

    Catholic babies are usually Christened early, mostly by 3 months or so,
    but I've known people to hold off on the Christening because it was
    winter and it was easier to do it in the spring with the warmer
    weather, especially if they didn't take their children out a lot in the
    winter.
    
    We had our twins baptized the day they were born, and to this day, it
    really bothers my non-Catholic husband that the baptismal certificate
    lists the reason as danger of death. But that's exactly why I had it
    done when they were born and still in the hospital. We still had a
    Christening ceremony without the actual baptism, since that can only be
    done once, when Brad came home from the hospital for his 2-week visit
    since it was still the summer and we wanted to have something at our
    own church.
    
    FWIW, we chose my Catholic brother as the godfather since one godparent
    has to be Catholic, and my best friend who is non-Catholic as the
    godmother, though the Church officially refers to her as the sponsor.
    It's interesting to note that in our case, the godmother is actually
    the person named in our will who would be the children's guardian if
    something should happen to us, and my brother is named as the trustee
    of all their assets. And to head off all that court business and
    potential fights over custody of our children [and all the money that
    goes with them which is really what the fight would be over], we have
    already informed everyone of our choice and our reasons, and I've taken
    it one step further and documented why we chose Kandi and not a
    sibling. Given a court battle, although the judge doesn't have to
    follow the wishes of the will, there is more chance that the wishes
    would be followed with some documents of whys and hows to back up the
    decision.
    
    Can you tell we definitely expect our wills to be contested? That's
    another reason to put things into a trust.  This is an area we've put a
    lot of thought into.
    
    Cathy

    One other thing I just remembered is that it used to be expected that
    the Maid of Honor and Best Man at the wedding would be the godparents.
    This is what my mother told me, and I guess it used to be practiced,
    though I'm not sure if it's still done today. I know that I definitely
    balked at the idea since my MOH was my cousin because I couldn't have
    my best friend because the Catholic Church required one of the honor
    attendants to be Catholic.  There was no way I was going to have my
    cousin as godmother when I wanted to have Kandi.  But today, you don't
    need both godparents to be Catholic [I'm not even sure that one of them
    has to be Catholic - they just have to be there to make sure the child
    is raised Catholic], so I had who I wanted. 
    

    Andy was baptized in the Catholic Church when he was about six months
    old.  I believe that, at the time, our priest told us that the Catholic
    Church holds that "intention to baptize" is as good as baptism.  That 
    means that as long as you "intend" to baptize your child, you don't 
    need to rush it, for fear of death, etc.
    

	I think it is very important to spend some time thinking
	about the purpose of the baptism, and why it is important to
	you.  Perhaps if you and Keith attended a Christening together,
	and listen intently to what the ceremony represents.  I'm
	not saying you *don't* understand this now, but that may
	reinforce in you the importance of the Christening, and may
	weigh in you decision on who to include.  

	My friend, who is also my sister's sister-in-law, did not
	choose Godparents for her second son.  I believe she did not
	want to select the person the family "expected" her to pick,
	and so avoided it altogether.  I see nothing wrong with not
	having godparents (I always figured the child's spiritual
	guidance should come from the parents, anyway).

	I did not have my children baptized, as I no longer consider
	myself Catholic, and now believe that baptism represents
	an individual's decision to follow Christ.  My mother still
	doesn't understand why I got baptized at age 27 even though
	she'd had me baptized as an infant.  I fully expect (and pray)
	that my children will choose baptism, as I plan to raise them
	in a Christian home.

	That said, I did have my daughter "dedicated" at age nine months.
	This was a special part of our regular church service, where
	we agreed to raise our daughter as a Christian, and teach her
	about Christ, guiding her toward a decision for Christ later
	in life.  This was a very important commitment for us, and we
	therefore wanted family present.  Most of my family, for various
	reasons, was unable to attend, yet it did not diminish the
	significance of the day.  My only disappoinment was that I
	did not specify "no gifts" to my family.  I will do that next time,
	as I felt the gift-giving detracted from the purpose of the
	dedication (aside: I know many couples that have a child
	baptized/christened that never intend to attend church or become
	part of a church, almost as a meaningless ritual that ends up
	more a celebration of the birth (which is fine, but don't call
	it a Christening))

	I wish you the best in making your decision.
	Karen

    My husband was raised Catholic, but we were married in a non-sectarian
    church on a Naval Base, so that we wouldn't have a religion conflict. 
    His parents weren't adament about a Catholic ceremony.
    
    I'm not Catholic but enjoy attending mass sometimes with the rest of
    the family.
    
    Anyway, our first daughter was baptized at St. Brigit's in Maynard, at
    two months (Catholic), perhaps because the christening gown probably
    would not have fit after much longer!  The gown was my grandfather's
    and about 100 years old.  Her godparents are my sister (not Catholic)
    and my husband's best friend (Catholic).  They were also bridesmaid and
    usher in our wedding.
    
    Our second daughter was baptised at about 3 months, again Catholic, and
    her godparents are not Catholic. Again, both were in our wedding and
    considered among our best friends.  That's why they were chosen.
    
    The first child's ceremony was semi-private (two other families were
    there), and we had a lovely buffet lunch at my in-law's house
    afterwards.  It was more of a happy occasion to tell this little girl,
    hey welcome to the world, there are lots of folks around here who love
    you and will always look out for you.
    
    The second daughter's ceremony was during church mass, with 10 other
    families crowded around the alter.  It was a crush, but it worked out
    well. Again, we had lunch afterwards and everyone had a nice afternoon.
    
    We don't have the godparents designated as guardians, although I think
    that is what the intent of godparents is.  We asked our friends and my
    sister to be godparents as a way of saying how important they are to us
    - as if to say, we trust our child with you.  That's pretty important.
    
    We don't go to church very often. We never got our girls into CCD,
    mostly because those lessons were always right after school and with
    two working parents there was no way to get them there.  But, they are
    learning about religion so they won't grow up totally ignorant. I think
    it's more important that they grow up to be good people than to have
    one doctine of religion drummed into them. After all, more wars and
    death have been waged in the name of religion than just about any other
    issue.
    
    Off soapbox. Enjoy your child. Enjoy the day.  A year from now,
    everyone will wonder what all the arguing was about.
    KB
    
    

    As a Catholic, and an active Catholic that attends mass weekly and also
    teach Confirmation to the Juniors in high-school (we usually have over
    100 kids a year), and a mother on a three year old here is my response.
    
    Godparents are someone that the child can turn to at anytime in their
    life to talk about anything from Religion to Sex, the person should be
    someone that you hope to stay active in your childs life and to have a
    good relationship with God also.  A Godparent can be a woman and a man,
    it can also be two men, or two women or any combination that you may
    want.  When my next child is born, I plan to have my sister and both my
    brother as the Godparents to my child.
    
    When I baptised my son he was three months old, the purpose of the
    Catholic church years ago was to baptise the child as soon as it was
    born in case for some reason the child was to pass away he would be
    free from sin.  Although the way we teach it in my church the child is
    innocent from sin if he passes away before he is baptised, and will go
    to heaven.
    
    The way that I found the Church that I wanted to baptise my child was
    by attending the church, my husband and I went to many churches until
    we found a church that was very active with the teens.  Thank God we
    found one.  Although what I have stated it the way the Catholic church
    teaches in Arizona, I know from state to state it is not always the
    same.
    
    I wish you the best of luck and remember the most important person in
    all of this is your child do what is best for your child not for
    family.
    
    AHE
    

    Hi 
    
    	My son, Austin, will be Baptized this Sunday.  We own a beautiful
    christening GOWN that my daughter wore two years ago.
    
    	The Godmother has offered to buy a christening SUIT  for 
    Austin, but I think it is a tremendous waste of money...$50 for
    a suit he is going to wear for 45 minutes??  
    
    	Someone told me that people still sometimes put boy babies
    into christening GOWNS like the "ole days".  
    
    
    	What do you think?
    
    Thanks for your quick responses!
    
    Sheryl
    

    
    
    
    			Sheryl,
    
    		Funny you should mention this, we just went through
    	this scenario with our second son Andrew.  We opted for the
    	gown, mostly because he was much more comfortable in it.  Our
    	first son Matthew did wear the suit, and although he did look
    	handsome you could tell the poor kid was not comfortable.  
    	No sooner did we get home from church it was off with the suit.
    	I see nothing wrong with reusing the gown, unless of course
    	the Godmother feels very strongly about this it's her money.
    	Gown or suit enjoy the christening.
    
    						 God Bless
    
    						Mark
    
    						

    I had my son, Connor, baptised in the christening coat my Father, my
    sisters and I wore.  The coat buttons up the back and is very long and
    has embroidery on the front (from the from front it looks like a gown.)  
    There was a gown and slip in the set but I didn't use those -- with the
    coat on you wouldn't have seen them.  
    
    I could have bought a suit but I liked the fact that Connor was using a
    family gown.  You could have both kids were the same gown and create
    your own family heirlom to be passed on to their kids. 
    
    Karen

Sheryl,

I'll second the gown. I'd hoped my son would be able to 
wear the gown that I had, that was made by my mother, but he 
was too big for it. 

My mother and I ended up spending a few nights making 
a new gown for Jonathan. There are wonderful patterns that
you can buy and a lot of different suitable fabrics around
with more or less lace and frills. For anyone that likes to
sew (and has the time) this is not hard at all. 

The good thing about making the gown ourselves was that we could
make a matching bib using the same fabric and trims.
Jonathan was a random spitter upper in those days, and had on
a bib constantly. The bib we made did not stick out as a
sore thumb, but fit very nicely with the rest of the gown.
While in church we took the bib off off.



/Malin

        When Russell was christened my sister bought him a very nice satin
    suit.  As soon as we got him home, we took it right off, because it
    made him *so* slippery it was hard to hold him.  I'd opt for the gown.

    	marianne

It's not clear to me what the issue is.

Is it that you'd rather use the "family gown"?

Or is it that you don't really care what Austin wears, but you'd prefer that 
the Godmother not spend the money?

If it's the former, then I'd say dress YOUR son like YOU want to.

If it's the latter, then I agree with the earlier comment that it's her money 
to spend how she wants to.  (I'm assuming that it's not a case of her 
children going hungry and it's not the rent money).

The one thing I'd say NOT to do is to say that it's the money if it's really 
that you want Austin to wear the gown.  If I were the Godmother and you told 
me that you were going to use the gown because the suit costs too much, I 
would be insulted, because you are imposing your values on me.

Clay     

    The same Christening gown has been worn by babies in my mother's/my
    family for 100 years. So, for me, there would be no question. The fact
    that I find it exquisitely beautiful is an added bonus.
    
    Over the years the bonnet and blanket/robe have required replacing, but
    not the gown.
    
      Annie

    My first was baptized in a hospital, but we had a "welcoming" at the
    church were she wore the same gown as I did (it was my grandfather's
    and was 100 years old).  When Courtney came along, we could have used
    the same gown, but I wanted my children to have an hierloom for their
    kids too. So, Courtney's godmother and I made an hierloom quality gown
    selecting fabric and style that would be acceptable for either sex. 
    
    
    The ensemble consists of a gown, a full length coat and bonnet.  It
    does have lace, but I wouldn't hesitate to put a boy in it,

    
    
    When we had Nicholas Christenend in February, I had the same decision
    to make as you...
    
    My mother was willing to buy him a new suit for the christening, or,
    I could use the gown that my husband, his sister (who is Nicholas's god
    mother), John's father ect had used.
    
    After seeing the price, and weighing the sentimental value, I went with
    the gown...good thing I did, becasue he only spent about 1 hour total 
    in the gown.
    
    As an aside, Will a gown/suit be needed? When my niece was christened,
    they "diped" her into the pool of water...so she had to be undressed!
    so, by having her in the gown, it was easier to undress her.
    
    Anne Marie

    Hi - hoping you can assist me in this problem:
    	 Christening:  My husband and I cannot aggree on Godparents.
    	 My son (Christopher) will be 7 months old next week - and we STILL
    	 haven't come to an agreement - we just don't talk about it
    	 anymore.  I'm just sick over it.
    Chris is my first child, Bill's third.  Bill has two from a
    previous marriage, Timmy (age 11) and Jamie (girl, age 10).  Timmy
    was Christened - Jamie was not, (Bill and his ex-wife couldn't come to
    an agreement on that one either). 
    
    I come from a close family of 5 children - and for reasons I won't get
    into right now - I would LOVE for my brother Cliff to be Chris's
    Godfather.  It would mean the world to me.  It would be great too if my
    only sister - JoAnn - could be the Godmother...but I'm not pushing it.
    (Also - for whatever it's worth - I attend church, Bill will not)
    
    Bill has 2 brother, 1 sister.  He already has one brother as a
    Godfather for Tim. Bill would agree to my sister as Godmother, but 
    insists that his other brother be Godfather. (Bills sister is 18yrs
    old, and has a rather immature sense of the world right now - ie. she
    doesn't have alot of moral character).
    
    I proposed that we have 2 Godfathers - why not?  My reasoning is that
    just because they are in your family - and next "in line" to be 
    Godparents - doesn't mean they have to be.  
    
    Okay, okay...enough rambling...any advise? Has this hapopened to anyone
    else?
    
    Thanks in advance,
    			Tina  
    
    

    
    Godparents' primary role is Supposed to be to be sure that the child
    has a Christian upbringing.  So, I guess, in trying to reach a
    decision, you need to decide WHO you think would do a better job at
    making sure your child has a good Christian upbringing.
    
    On the more realistic side, people seem to choose Godparents by whoever
    is their "best friend" at the moment.  I guess this can work too ... in
    any event, there's no reason to not have multiples.
    
    In the mid-west, apparantly it's 'traditional' to choose a set of
    Godparents from each side of the family.  I am the Godmother of my
    niece - but her aunt and uncle from her mother's side of the family are
    also her Godparents.  It's never caused a problem as far as I can
    see...  
    
    Maybe if you and Bill can try to sit down and define what a Godparent
    really MEANS to each of you, you may be able to reach a decision
    simpler - or at least to understand the other's point of view better.
    
    In any event .... has ANYone ever had to rely on their Godparents for
    anything??  Not to belittle the role, but it seems that it's true
    purpose is hardly, if ever, implemented.
    
    ....it's probably not worth fighting about ....
    

    ... And be sure the prospective godparents have the SAME understanding
    as you do of what "godparent" means.  Seems to me the 3 main schools of
    thought on the subject, in no particular order, are:
    
    A. Godparent is an honorary title, no duties, just an acknowledgment by
       the child's parents that the godparent is loved, respected, part of the
       family, etc.
    
    B. If the child's parents die, godparent assumes the role of spiritual
       advisor for the child.
    
    C. If the child's parents die, godparent becomes guardian (physical
       custody) of the child.
    
    If everyone is assuming "C", then you need to get that written into
    your wills; it *won't* happen automatically.
    
    Leslie

    fwiw, when my 2nd child, a daughter, was born, the priest (Episcopal)
    recommended 2 Godmothers and 1 Godfather.  This worked out well because
    my 1st child, a daughter then age 12, is one of the Godmothers.  When my 
    3rd child, a son, was born we could have had 2 Godfathers and 1
    Godmother, but we chose to have one Godfather.

Our children have the same godparents, and both godparents are women.
We try to have a lot of nice men in their lives, but as it turned out
the people closest to us were both women, so we chose them.  Both women
are clergy, and their roles are to keep connected to the children, send
gifts or cards or make phone calls for birthdays and religious holidays.
In addition, they are available for religious instruction, and they made
a joint gift to each child of a Bible.  

We also *later* decided that one or both should raise the children should we
both die, but that was negotiated separately. 

It has worked very well for us.

     Carol

I have 2 friends that are having their kids baptised. 1 asked me to be a 
godmother (catholic) the other asked me to be a witness (non-denominational, 
I think). I understand my role as a godparent, but this is my first time 
as a godparent.  Can anyone tell me what kind of gifts are given these 
days? Is it usually cash or bonds? If so, how much is appropriate?

Thanks,
Donna

    Donna,
    
    I think a Bible would be appropriate.  I still have my first.
    Now, there are a lot of wonderful children's Bibles out.
    They begin at Baby's First Bible all the way to read it
    ourself type Bibles.
    
    Pam

    In my family, presents given to celebrate a Baptism are usually more of
    a keepsake.  Some of the things I remember receiving are:  a pewter cup
    with the date of the Baptism engraved on it, little ceramic statues, a
    picture of Jesus with the children, a crucifix.  Especially from a
    Godparent, something of a religious nature seems appropriate.

    
    I am a godmother for three different children, which I am quite honored
    to have the pleasure of being.
    
    I imagine the gift would depend on "who" the gift is for.  For one
    child, I gave a St. Christopher's medal, for another it was a Savings
    Bond.  I honestly can not remember what I gave to the very first one. 
    
    I thought something religious was appropriate for the occasion but then
    with the Savings Bond, I based that one on the way the parents are and
    the way they live.  It seemed more "appropriate" than something
    religious.
    
    Good luck choosing something.
    
    

    For my nephew, who was an infant (some kids are older), I bought the
    christening gown and a very formal blanket.  My sister immediately
    put both away after the ceremony to give him when he's an adult and
    has a child of his own.  In order to avoid offending her tastes, I
    asked to purchase the gown and took her with me to pick it out.  The
    blanket was a surprise (beautiful pure-white crochet with a satin
    lining and edging!).
    Sarah 

    In our family, the Godmother likes to get the Christening outfit
    providing the parents don't already have one that they'd like to
    use.
    
    I've found a really special picture frame for displaying the 
    christening picture afterwards is a nice gift.  They do have some
    (at the Hallmark shops) specifically for christenings, but you 
    really have to shop a bit to find them.
    
    I also have found the Dreamsicles to be really special presents
    for christenings and first communions.  They're sold in all 
    Hallmark shops and some other gift shops also.  They are the 
    white ceramic angels with wreaths of dried flowers in their hair
    and big blue eyes.  They come in all sizes and I've had great
    responses from both parents and children.  They suit the "religious"
    aspect, but are also real cute and the kids love them.
    
    					cj *-> 

    Hallmark does have some very nice Baptismal gifts.  I have also 
    found an interesting variety and uniqueness at Christian book stores.

    my sister in law is Katie's godmother and started a collection
    of Precious Moments for her.  I thought this was a nice idea.
    
    Unfortunately she is doing this for our new neice, my
    goddaughter, so I will probably get her a gold cross.
    I think that is a nice keepsake also.
    
    	Linda

    We gave a "add a pearl" necklace to Shannon.  When she is 18, she'll
    have a nice pearl necklace.
    
    Another was a binder with headlines from the local paper and other misc
    items.  Kathy used the Sunday Boston Globe dates closest to the
    birthday.  It was different.  I'm going to do that if I'm chosen for
    the next due child (due in Sept.) Since the baby will be born in
    Concord, I'll have that paper also for headlines. 

    
    My husband and I would like to have our daughter Baptised, but we don't
    want to join a specific congregation in order to do so.
    
    We live in Northboro MA. Any suggestions?
    
    
    
    

    Just caught this as I was exiting.
    
    My husband is Catholic and I'm .. nothing, I guess.
    We wanted something non-deniminational. Contacted the Unitarian Church
    (yes I was raised Unitarian) and got our son dedicated (baptised..)
    at our home for $100. The minister interviewed us and geared her little
    service around all of the things we spoke of, including how we came
    about naming our son as we did.  She made it very comfortable for the
    extremely religious and for other less so..
    
    It was a lovely service.....