Conference moira::parenting

    I know with both of my kids, I sat and marveled the entire first week
    home, that the hospital actually had more confidence in me than I did,
    when it came to taking care of our precious little bundle. :^)

    I think the rule of thumb is to give your newborn time to acquire mom's
    immunities if the baby is breastfeeding. A month is a good amount of 
    time to accomplish this. This would most likely apply to trips to the
    mall or other place filled with people and germs.  

    I felt perfectly comfortable taking my kids out at a week, to a friend's
    home or to the office to take care of some paperwork. I didn't say it
    was easy, hauling ten pounds of diaper bag, 8 pounds of baby, 20 pounds
    of excess fat and two pounds of poo that invariably swished out of the
    oversized, ill-fitting diaper, just as the first doting admirer took 
    possession. But it can be done.  

    I wouldn't take any child to the beach until they promise not to eat 
    sand and know how to swim and are at least 16 years old and can go on
    their own (I hate the beach). Then...I'd consider it. :^) 

    I'm note being very helpful am I?

    Jodi-

I took my newborn out of the house almost immediately (like the 2nd day of 
getting home but then we'd been almost two weeks in the hospital :-)  In fact
here, babies are put out to "air" in the pram almost every day in good weather.
As long as the child is protected from drafts and sunburn and the weather is
reasonable, I would take them out.

Actually, taking a newborn out to eat in a restaurant I found to be a really
great thing.  Even if they cry, it's such a tiny little squeek that nobody 
minds.  My baby always just slept quietly through the meal in their Moses
basket.  Same thing for traveling, especially on airplanes.  Newborns just
sleep in their hanging baskets.  At 8 months, the kid is active and needs
entertaining.

I wouldn't take a baby into the ocean until at least a year old.  Here, they
start them in heated swimming pools at around 6 months but will not take
younger babies for lessons.

Bicycling: the child should be able to sit very securely by himself.  I would
say sometime around 8 months depending on the child and with the appropriate 
seat.

These numbers I remember from my own children but your milage may vary.  I
tended to push things a bit.

ccb

I had to laugh at your question of going out with thebaby the first week.  
Personally, *I* didn't have the energy to go out shopping or to dinner that
first week - or the second week for that matter.

But on the more serious side - 
 
Newborns are mobile, quiet (as Jodi mentioned - even when they cry it isn't
very loud), they don't put up much of a fight when you move them, and they can
sleep virtually anyplace.  Compared to older babies or toddlers, they are MUCH 
easier to bring along on adult-type activities.

You do have to worry about exposing them to germs in the first few weeks or
month.  Just use your judgement and keep them away from crowds and sick
people.

You also have to worry about their complete lack of neck control.  Long walks
in a stroller are probably better than in a snuggli the first few weeks.  And
Backpack carriers are definitely out for the first few months.  The instructions
in my bicycle carrier say not to use with a baby younger than 9 months.  But
the type of bicycle carrier that is a cart pulled along behind a bicycle may
have more lenient guidelines - though I doubt it is safe to put a newborn in
it.

Your pediatrician can give you more concrete guidelines.  But I found that I
could do just about anything with my infant provided I exerecized a little
bit of common sense.  And if you aren't sure you have the right instincts to
make these decissions - read Dr Spock's "Babies and Child Care" - that should
convince you that you'll do just fine.

- Carol

I found a useful little book called 'Your Child at Play -
birth to 12months' which gave me lots of ideas for
activities to do with the baby from day one (although
most of the time newborns just love being snuggled
close to mum). I hadn't been around young children for
many years when my daughter was born (she's now five
months old) and just needed some ideas for play to
jog my memory (and my instincts).

I also liked the fact that the games and activities
used, for the most part, items that you can make
yourself or are likely to have around the house. Rachel
loved the paper plate with a big smiley face drawn on
it as early as four weeks old.

[Let me know if you'd like the authors names or ISBN
number of the book]

Fiona

    
    I'll have to agree with the last reply, I wasn't in any hurry to leave
    the house after first getting home with my newborn. I think it was 10
    days before we took him out to meet his Nana in Boston. 
    
    As the others have said, going places with a newborn is fairly easy for
    they do sleep quite a bit the first few weeks, use your own descretion.
    
    As far as the beach, Michael 16 mos, has not yet been to the ocean, but
    was at a couple of lakes last summer at 9 mos old or so. He did great,
    and loved the water. We bought one of those baby floats thats kinda of
    shaped like a walker, with a seat in the middle.
    
    Another good book is "What to expect the first Year"...lots of good
    info.
    
    Good Luck,
    Chris
    

	We took Emily to the beach at 4 weeks.  You aren't supposed
	to use sunscreen on a baby until 6 months or older, so shade
	is important, and even then, in limited amounts. (My pedi's
	handbook says that even when a baby will be in the shade, they
	should have sunscreen, when old enough).

	We rented a large umbrella at the beach, and only stayed out
	for 2 hours maximum.  Emily slept most of that time.  We
	didn't take her to the water until very late in the day, so
	that the risk of exposure was at a minimum, then dipped her
	foot into a warm pool of water where a sandcastle used to be.

	She seemed pretty nonchalant about the whole thing :-)

	Other than that, I took her almost anywhere I went.  We took her to
	a family birthday party/cookout at 3 weeks.  We had a fine mesh
	cover for her stroller, which I modified to cover her car seat by
	tying a big knot in one end.  We walked with her almost every night
	once she was two weeks old.  

	'Tis true, it's much easier to take a newborn out than an older baby.
	The toughest time was 4-6 months, when Emily didn't want to sit
	in her car seat while we ate, but was too small for a high-chair
	(and couldn't sit up very well).  At nine months, things are easier
	again.

	I don't have a bike seat, but even now, I don't think I'd put Emily
	in one.  She can sit well, but likes to wiggle and lean to one side.

	Karen

    Just to confirm what has already been said, enjoy the mobility that you
    have with a newborn.
    
    Our baby was out for long, cold (he was born in mid-December), walks
    starting when he was 3 days old.  We just bundled him (and ourselves!) 
    up very well.  They're very well-protected in a stroller when they're 
    that little, because they're lying down, therefore out of the wind.
    
    Restaurants are great.  I have friends who took a newborn to the
    movies, but we never got around to that.  Both my husband's and my
    offices had a Christmas party when Harrison was 7 days old, so we took
    him to both.  So, he was exposed to lots of people very early on.
    
    As far as the beach goes, the first time we went was when Harrison was
    8 months old, and he loved it.  If we hadn't kept close tabs on him, he
    would have crawled to his death; he was totally fearless, and would get
    pissed that we would keep hold him back from going in even further.
    
    As far as the bike seat goes, there are two considerations:  how well
    the child can sit and support his/her head and shoulders (already 
    mentioned) and whether a bike helmet fits well (and that they're strong
    enough to support their head/shoulders WITH the helmet).  Our bike seat and
    helmet both said 9 months to 1 year, but Harrison was very strong, and
    the helmet fit, so we had him on the bike somewhere around 6-7 months.
    (We also asked the pediatrician, who had no objections).
    
    Also, I have a friend who took his daughter on a bike at 2 weeks, in a
    Snuggli carrier.  We're extremely laid back, but I don't know whether we
    would have had the guts to do that.  With a December baby, we can just
    speculate!
    

    I admire folk who pack up the baby and go.
    I feel a little bad sharing a negative experience on this topic, but
    I thought this might give you an all-around perspective.
    
    I was *SO* tired when Charlotte came home that I didn't really run
    around for much the first couple of weeks. What's more is that 
    she was *VERY* collicy during the day and this stopped me from
    even taking walks with her, as it made me concerned about her, and 
    sort of ruined the event for me when she always cried. So while
    I have seen a lot of parents doing a lot of things with small 
    babies, circumstances *MAY* prevent you from even entertaining
    notions of happy outtings. 
    
    Now of course, everytime we are out and I see a mom or dad with a
    sleeping newborn, I have to marvel at how wonderful it must be to have
    a quiet young baby. Even at Charlotte's age, those babies who are quiet
    amaze me. While she is not crying anymore (thank heavens!) she is a
    big, energetic wiggly baby (on occasion we call her the "Bebe Sauvage"
    8-) 8-) ).
    
    Monica

    I remember asking my doctor this same question...He told me that
    unless I was going home in a tunnel, Samantha will have already
    been outside.....
    
    Samantha and I came home the day before Thanksgiving - and I took
    her to the regular family get together the very next day.  I was
    in the hospital with a lady who was leaving straight from the hospital
    to go out of state for the Holidays (wasn't even going home first)!
    
    It's all what you want to do and what you are comfortable with!

    
    
    We took Emily to the Cape at four weeks.  We had rented a house with
    my husbands family it was a great time,  we also went to a family cook
    out when Emily was 4 days old.  She was born in June so it was easy to
    take her every were with us.  But like other have said, alot of people
    have there babys out in a stroller on good days, winter or spring.  I 
    know people who say a baby, child, toddler should be out in the fresh
    air every day.  
    
    The bike seat I would wait on until the baby can sit up and has control
    over his/her nech and head.  But other than that we took Emily out when 
    she was just over 2 days old.  
    
    Best of luck 
    Lisa

    My daughter was born in May and we actually went to the mall to buy a
    glider rocker when she was 3 days old.  But that was the only time we
    went out during the first week.
    
    We went on a beach vacation when she was around 3 months.  Generally,
    we didn't take her to the beach much and just split up our time.  Since
    this was a bigger family vacation (my entire family of 20 or so), we
    did get some time together on the beach when someone else watched her.
    
    As others have said, newborns are quite portable, and generally
    cooperative (at least compared to a toddler!).  We did go out to dinner
    and took her to events.  
    
    The only problem is that it takes a lot of organization to get
    everything ready and get out the door on time.  If you can tackle that,
    then that's really the battle.
    
    My child did not have colic, so that may also contribute to our story.
    
    judy

regarding bicycles, see also note 202, concerning bicycle seats and trailers.

In addition to the advice already given, other factors to consider are how 
well the child fits into the seat and how good a bicyclist the parent is.  If 
the child doesn't fit in well, it's probably a good idea to put in padding of 
some sort so that their weight can't shift.  Shifts of weight, particularly 
with a not-so-good bicyclist can cause the bike to swerve or tip.

Clay

    When my sister had her daughter, 11 years ago, she and her husband had
    a favorite place to do breakfast.  The day she was discharged from the
    hospital they stopped *before* going home for breakfast.  I drove down
    to see them a couple days later, and spend some time trying to help
    (our parents are both deceased, I was unemployed and single at the time 
    with lots of time to spare)  During the day we would go to the Mall,
    she would work in the garden, and if the baby needed to nurse she would
    just find a ladies room with a sitting area and nurse "under cover". 
    Her favorite phrase was "no baby is going to change my home or
    lifestyle" and I reminded her of this as I stumbled over the playpen
    only a few months later!
    
    As for AJ, we were living with my inlaws when he was born.  We were
    doing some real serious house (land actually) hunting.  His
    (soon-to-be) Godparents and our best friends lived 35 miles west of us, 
    and of course I wanted to show him off as soon as I could, so we did
    within the first week.  Because AJ had been in NICU, had had surgery at
    birth almost everyother day was a trek to see one doctor or another. 
    And of course the place where he saw most of his doctors was almost
    across the street from a large shopping center.
    
    I simply just loved to walk around and hold him, we had waited so long
    and desperately wanted him, that I wouldn't even use a stroller or cart
    until he was getting too heavy to hold, many months old!
    
    I too echo the sentiments of not going for a bike ride until the baby's
    head is stable, and you can find a PROPERLY fitting helmet.  
    
    Lyn 

    With my first he came home at 6 days old and spent the day in the
    house.  But hte next morning he was off to church with the rest of us. 
    Later that afternoon we had to re-admit him because his bili count went
    up quite a bit.  We finally brought him home for good two days later. 
    He fit right into our normal schedule - 4th of July party at my parents
    on the way home from the hospital, dinner and movies that night with us
    and an uncle.  Long walks during the day...Since I too hate the beach
    that was a long time in coming.
    
    I loved the portability of newborns.  I called them the "pack 'n go"
    stage!
    
    -sandy
    

I had a C-section and, other than doctor visits, I don't think I left
the house with the baby the first 2 weeks except for very short strolls in the 
neighborhood.  My husband and I did get out to dinner (with Grandma babysitting)
around 10 days after Noelle's birth.

My main purpose in replying is to try to help keep you from setting your
expectations really high, and then feeling like there's something wrong
with you if you're not out biking, shopping, walking, visiting, beaching,
etc. all in the first week or two.  If you feel like it, by all means go for
it!  But if you don't, that's okay too.  I guess the message is that the
baby will go just about anywhere, and it all hinges on what you want to do.

    Another good idea is to give yourself plenty of time to recoop
    especially when you first get home.  A friend was telling me of a story
    of a family member who did too much after returning home with a newborn
    and already having a toddler - she did way too much too fast and had
    serious problems - serious enough that required another hospital stay
    for surgery and the recuperating process.
    
    Even if you feel GREAT - and who wouldn't after losing the 20 extra 
    pounds you carried all winter - take things slow and easy your first
    few weeks home.  
    
    -sandy
    

    
    	Paris, my first, was a c-section and I didn't feel great about
    visiting etc, but I did take her out in the stroller every day. 
    I was uncomfortable about breastfeeding in public and didn't plot 
    routes with convenient diaper change areas.  However, you learn
    eventually!
    	Evan was born in June and I "running the roads" when he was
    4 days old.  What I did notice with him, even now at 8 months, is
    that he can't tolerate WIND.  He can't get his breath, and has to
    be "under cover".   He has been swimming at the public pool since
    4 months.  He does, however, pick up a lot of colds (but Paris,
    going the same places, doesn't.)
    	Normal precautions apply - sunscreen and hat in Sun, lots
    of layers in cold. Kids love the outdoors, regardless of the
    discomforts, it seems!
    
    Candace
    

    Oops, I didn't mean to imply you could use sunscreen on a tiny
    baby. My mistake.  Cover 'em.  We found our car seat with the
    canopy was a great help.
    
    Candace

I agree with what's been said - basically, you'll have to play it by ear for
trips depending on your own strength level, the baby's temperment, etc.
When I look back, I feel extremely lucky about those first few months... had
a June baby, almost 10 lbs, so he was solid and eating/sleeping well by the
second week and was not colicky.  First "party" was at 2 weeks with some friends
for 4th of July - he mostly stayed in his carrier when he wasn't eating...

Best of all, however, was that a very good friend had her baby *the day before*
I delivered, so we got to pal around together while we were both on leave,
which made a big difference -- I think we went to the Lexington reservoir at
about 5-6 weeks, and we just put the blankets in the shade and the babies
could sleep while we chatted/relaxed/etc. and we took turns watching them so
the other could go for a quick swim.  I dipped my son's toes in the water
then, but that was about it.

At 8 weeks, we spent a week at the Cape (with the same friend & our "families")
and it was great - more strolling/walking than actual beaching, although we
did go down to the water a few times briefly. Again, no "swimming" yet. One
day Collin (my son) really wasn't happy at the beach - I think it was just
too bright for him, even with a hat on and inside a tent/baby cabana and with
flannel blankets draped over the opening.  So, we went back to the house and
played on the screened-in porch, which was much more comfortable for him. 

His first swimming experience was at 8 months - yes, in February - when we
moved from Mass. to California and there was a heated outdoor pool at the
condo we stayed at while house-hunting. He LOVED it!

I do recall it being an effort to get it together to go anywhere in those
first few weeks, but the key was to plan small little "outings" that weren't
time-critical, just to get used to the process.  I think my first trip out
driving somewhere was to pick up the first roll of developed pictures!  I
remember everything took longer to do - no more jumping in the car, dashing
around to do errands!  And then, of course everyone wants to ask how old the
baby is (and tell you about their daughter/sister/friend's baby...) so that
took some getting used to also.

My advice would be to leave plenty of time between activities and to realize
that your plans will have to be flexible - most people will understand this.
Amazingly, we all do figure it out over time... Best of luck to you.

-Cori

My sister came to visit when the baby was about 3 weeks old.  Because
I was a first-time mom, it really helped me to have an experienced
mom around.  She's the one who showed me the ropes of juggling strollers,
changing diapers in the back seat of the car, nursing in public, etc.
It also helped that a co-worker had told me in advance of the local stores
and restaurants that have changing tables. 

(I've been thinking of making my fortune by writing a directory of 
what stores and restaurants have changing tables!  I've become quite forward 
about suggesting to managers that they add these to BOTH restrooms. 
Diaper-changers, unite!) 

Babies seem to *enjoy* noisy restaurants.  The more lights, fans, and people,
the better.  

    
    Thanks for all of the responses....I'm thrilled to hear that (assuming
    I don't have a colicky baby) I won't be trapped in my house (unless 
    I want to be!).
    
    Martina

    Alex wasn't colicky but set definite limits on our running around: only
    three errands per outing.  It didn't seem to matter how close together
    the destinations were, or how long spent at each, but I learned early
    on that I could do ONLY (say) the bank, post office and drugstore before
    going home (or car inspection sticker, cornerstore and drop off library
    items).  This "rule" of threes lasted, I think, her whole first year;
    but I could "cheat" and have two outings per day, hence six items off my
    list.
    
    She would just get increasingly squirmy and vocal; plus from birth she
    was NOT the type of baby to be fooled by a pacifier ("Who thought THIS
    up?" was written all over her face whenever I tried giving her one).
    
    Restaurants are easier than you'd think, as other noters have said. 
    You learn quickly to ask for juice, water (whatever) AS SOON
    AS a waitperson makes an appearance--line up the baby's "props" and
    distractions, because the wait for your food will seem like *days*. 
    For a while there (well, OK it was a very brief while), I thought 
    Denny's was the height of luxury (!)--they understood the urgency of
    timing those crackers right.  They knew enough to put all the beverage
    glasses out of reach of the infant, and they also knew never to serve a
    child's beverage in stemware!
    
    Leslie 

I had a colicky baby and I still managed to get out of the house.  Most
colicky babies have a pattern, and you just need to work around it.  *AND*,
riding in a car or a stroller are two of the magic situations that work
pretty well with most colicky babies.  So, if, god forbid, your baby is
colicky, you may go out just to shut him or her up.


For me, the hardest part of going out was fitting in the diaper bag packing
and driving to whereever between feedings.  I recommend keeping a diaper bag
ready to go at all times - and replace used items as soon as you get home.
It is much easier and not so overwhelming if you just have to grab the
bag instead of packing it.


Pat

    The idea about keeping a diaper bag ready at all times is good. Neel is
    9.5 months old and I still have a diaper bag ready so that if we decide
    to go someplace we just get up, get dressed and go! I have learned to
    NOT plan with 2 kids - they have a way of de-planning our plan :-)
    
    Shaila

    I think either .8 or .9 made mention of having a colicky baby and
    not really wanting to go out, or something like that....
    
    Both of my kids were pretty colicky.  My daughter was one of the
    crabbiest newborns ever!  I found that both of them enjoyed going
    out. The change of scenery was good for them and for me.  We went
    on walks around the neighborhood (mostly), the mall, the grocery
    store (no big shopping expeditions, just a few items), the drugstore,
    the library, etc., etc.  You do need to get used to taking the kids
    along with you.  And as another noter pointed out, getting ready to go
    can take most of the day!  I used to keep a small bag ready with a
    blanket, a pacifier, an extra diaper, etc.  We have an insulated lunch
    bag that is excellent for bottles, juice boxes (for either you or any
    older kids who are going with you), etc.  
    
    AS to when.....both of my kids went to family functions when they were
    a week to 10 days old.  In fact, Hollis was three days old when she
    went over to a neighbor's house for a cup of tea!  So a lot depends on
    what you are comfortable with.  I wouldn't expose them to people who
    are sick or to people who smoke.  Keep them covered up, too.  I would 
    wait till they're closer to a month or 6 weeks before taking them to
    a restaurant.  Besides, by that time they can smile and the wait staff
    will REALLY love to tend to your table! :-) :-)

Well, Monica, I think the question is pretty funny, too, but I understand
that there *are* parents who can be active while taking care of a baby.
It's too difficult for me in the beginning, just being at home.

However, I get anxious to get out of the house, too, and so when our first
son was born we went to a movie with him when he was 3 weeks old.  It was
fairly easy since his only needs were to be fed and changed, and so when
he fussed I just popped him on the breast.  I was fairly shy about that (not
like Shellie!) but in the dark theater no one noticed.  

On the other hand, he did get a poopy diaper and I left to change it, thinking
we still had lots of the movie left to see.  It was to my surprise, then,
that Shellie came into the bathroom to inform me that I had just missed the
last 3 minutes of the movie, which tied it all together!  *sigh.  :-}

       Carol

    
    we took the twins to a football game at 2 weeks, they loved it and
    pooped midway through. 8-)
    
    Simon