Conference moira::parenting

    	Our toddler will be 17 1/2 -18 months old when our second is born.

    	He is far too young to know what is going on (other than I can't
    hold him as much as I used to be able to).

    	He is too young for books, classes, or discussions.

    	However, he is not too young to understand that something is going
    on. We've been working on his attending to his doll "baby", pointing
    out babies on TV and in real life, and letting him see our "baby"
    (which at this point is my tummy). Spencer likes to come over, lift my
    shirt and either kiss my tummy or stick his finger in my belly button
    (something that hold immense fascination for him).

    	When we've had other small children over, we have noticed that
    Spencer can be possessive but usually that gets better within a few
    hours. Based on this possesive streak, however, we certainly are
    preparing for a bit of an adjustment.

    	For us, I guess monitoring the situation as it develops (literally)
    is the best way we can prepare.

    	For whatever it's worth, Spencer's Doctor's have indicated that he
    has the type of personality that would probably not have much of a time
    adjusting to the new baby.

    	I did read some fairly good books on having a second but as ours is
    so young they didn't even make that much of an impression that I
    remember the names.

    	Good luck and let us know what happens, I'll be very interested to
    know.

    			Wendy            

    My little ones are 20 months apart.  I didn't do alot of preparing -
    just talking about having a baby in the house.  We had video tapes of
    Kimberly when she was an infant - we did play those, so maybe that
    helped her understand what was coming.

    We kept the baby in the room with us until he got too big for the
    bassinet.  Then he was moved into Kimberly's room.  We had two cribs. 
    When he was just shy of a year old we added a room to the house, and
    then we were able to give both of them their own room.

    Kimberly was allowed to visit me in the hospital, so she "met" her
    brother before he came home.  One thing I do remember is that when she
    visited in the hospital I paid more attention to her than to the new
    baby.  And when I came home, I made a point of letting someone else
    carry the new baby into the house, so that she could get my immediate
    attention.

    I'm not sure how much, if any, of that made a difference, but it's food
    for thought.

    Alyssa and Krystin are 2 years 9 months apart.  Alyssa knew that the
    baby was coming and when (I had a planned C-section).  She was potty
    trained during the day but not at night, so potty training really
    wasn't a problem.
    
    One thing that happened that I wish other people would do is this: 
    When Alyssa was visiting us in the hospital, the new baby got all kinds
    of new toys, stuffed animals, clothes etc.  Well one of my friends
    brought me something for Krystin and also brought a gift for Alyssa. 
    It was a "baby" set.  It had little diapers, a bottle, bib, little
    clothes, bowl, spoon and a little diaper bag for all the goodies.  She
    was so happy that she got a baby just like mommy and her baby had the
    same things the new baby did.
    
    When we got home we fed our babies together, changed the diapers,
    burped and played with our babies together.  I think that helped alot!
    When Krystin was napping we read books, played, watched movies.  We
    would take baths/showers together and then spend about 2 hours rubbing
    cream on ourselves.
    
    We never had a problem bringing the new baby home.  But we did have a
    problem naming the baby.  Everytime we picked out a name, Alyssa didn't
    like it.  So we asked her what name she did like.  She said Christina. 
    Paul and I really didn't care for that name so we asked her about
    Krystin.  She loved it!  So I think she felt as though she named the
    baby therefore she was involved too.
    
    Good luck!
    
    Gail

    While clothes shopping for Ilona, I heard a woman calling her toddler
    son by the name Spike.  I asked her the source of this remarkable name
    and she told me the following:
    
    When Spike was a baby, Mom and Dad asked his big sister if she'd like
    to give the baby a name.  They had already picked out his real name
    "Jason somethingsomething" but the big sister chose his nick name and
    it stuck like peanut butter!
    
    :-)
    
    L
    

I'm due May 17th with baby #3. My second son, Michael will be two on May 
14th. We really haven't discussed the baby with him.  We are planning on 
buying a matching bedroom set for Kevin, he'll be six in April and for 
Michael in the next several weeks.  This way we can gradually let Michael 
move from the crib to a bed prior to the baby arriving.  If he isn't ready 
we'll just keep the baby in a basinet that much longer.

One thing we did when expecting Michael is to decorate Kevin's room with 
new wallpaper and paint. We let him help pick out the wallpaper. Kevin
loved the idea of getting big boy wallpaper.  So hopefully the idea of
moving to a big boys bed and sharing a room with his big brother will be 
just as exciting to Michael.

As I mentioned in an earlier note, we also had a gift for Kevin from the 
baby when Kevin came to visit in hospital. This was a big hit.  We plan on
doing this again for both boys. (So if anyone knows where I can get Elmo
please let me send me mail?)


Best of luck to All,

Pat K.

    
    I know alot of hospitals have sibbling classes.  Someone I work with
    took her daughter to it and it helped her daughter understand s little
    more about the whole thing,  the classes are most of the time for kids
    2 and over.  Emily will be 22 1/2 - 23 months when number 2 is born,
    I'm due May 3rd.  We are trying to tell her about the baby but she does
    not understand.  Good luck
    
    Lisa

We just went thru this.  The book "Your Second Child" (judy Weiss) has a
chapter on preparing your first for the new sibling.

The one point I would make from the basenote questions - if you are going to
change the daycare situation, either do it before the baby is born, or well
after the baby is born.  (I would recommend 6 weeks in either direction).


Some of the things we did:

1) Talk about the new baby, even if you think she doesn't understand.
Show her where the baby will sleep, what the baby will wear, how the baby will
eat, etc.  Tell her the baby is in your belly (or whatever term you prefer).
(Elise didn't really understand until the baby was actually born.  She knew
something was going to happen and was somewhat apprehensive about it.  Then it
was like a light going on in her head.  She *UNDERSTOOD*, loudly and excitedly.)

2) If you run into a little baby at the mall, at daycare, etc, stop and take
a look.  Talk about how the new baby will be little like that.  Almost everyone
will cooperate, if you make sure your kid doesn't touch the baby.

3) Don't tell her she can play with the baby.  She'll probably think the baby
is like a baby doll.  And, real peer-to-peer play won't happen for a year or
two.

4) Have the non-pregnant spouse slowly take over some of the day-to-day child
care.  I recommend him (or her) doing the night-time bath, as it is awkward to
get down next to the tub when you get big anyway.  This way, when you disappear
for a while, the kid isn't totally disoriented.

5) One person suggested making a book of baby-stuff (like a baby taking a bath,
nursing from mom or a bottle, etc).  Collect pictures from magazines and have
the older kid glue them into the book.  Didn't work for Elise, but it may work
for yours.

6) Teach the older kid as much self-care as appropriate.  Elise was trying
to dress herself when Sarah was born.  By the time I went back to work, she
was competent.  It was a big help at getting out the door.  We're working on
picking up toys, clearing her plate from the table, and picking up her room.
Wish we had started all that sooner.

7) Elise suddenly wanted a pacifier and a bottle again after Sarah was born.
She also did some other regressive behavior.  We never refused her, but put
"big girl" restrictions on the use of such things.  (Like, we never understand
her when she talks with the pacifier in her mouth.  She must sit down to use
the paci or bottle, and she must put them on the kitchen counter when she
thru with them.)

8) Always refer to the baby by name.  "The baby" is an object to be played with,
"Sarah" is another human being.  It will make a difference in how the older kid
behaves towards the baby.  (Ok, so not on the first day, but it *will* help).

9) Find ways she can help with the baby.  Fetch a diaper, rock the baby in 
the car infant seat, wash the baby's leg in the bath at night, pick up the
baby's pacifier and take it to the kitchen, read the baby a book.

    
    	Thanks for all of the replies, they have been great! 
    	Keep them coming!
    
    	RE: .8
    	
    	Thank you for the tip on the "Your Second Child" book, I'll
    	look for it this weekend.  I think that a gift from the new
    	baby is a terrific idea, I'll start thinking about that one...
    
    	I just found some "big girl" bedroom furniture for my daughter
    	that will be arriving in the next few weeks, and she's already
    	getting excited about helping pick out a new bedspread & curtains.
    	I think that I'll assemble the new nursery in a month or so, after
    	Lauren's room is all set up.
    
    	BTW, the day care change will be when the baby is 3 months old,
    	so don't think that I'll mention it to Lauren until the baby is
    	at least a month old.
    
    	I'm sure that May 28th will be here before I know it!
    
    -Maureen
                           

    
    My two kids are 20 month apart and the older one did not quite
    understand what was going on when her brother arrived, although I tried
    quite a bit to prepare her for it.   Now they are 4 and 5 years old and
    they think having siblings are the greatest thing that happened to
    them!  I don't know how one of them can get by without another.
    
    With your older one being close to 3, I think she will understand more
    about what is going to happen, which makes things a bit easier.
    
    I recommend Mr. Roger's "The new baby" book to read with the older one.  
    In his mild and caring manner, Mr. Roger's tells toddlers that it's 
    normal to feel resentment when the new baby arrives, but you will 
    always have a special place in your parent's heart.  
    
    Some poeple also recommended me to prepare a special gift for the older
    ones when the baby arrives to celebrate them being a "big sister/brother". 
    Also the new baby gets all sorts of baby gifts and the older one may 
    get jelouse because he/she does not get any.  Some of our thoughtful 
    friends gave one gift for the baby and another one for the big sister.  
    May be you can ask friends/relatives to pay attention to the older one 
    also when they come see the new baby.
    
    Thanks,
    Masami                         

    I have been a very interested reader of this note, as my daughter just
    turned three, and we are expecting #2 in early July.  I have begun to
    discuss the baby with Lauren, and she is very excited about becoming a
    "big sister".  We talk about how she can help Mommy with the baby, and
    how Mommy will have to go to the hospital for a few days for the baby
    to be born (her understanding is that the Doctor has to take the baby
    out of my belly in the hospital).  We even watched a nursing video
    together because I plan to nurse and wanted her to be comfortable with
    that.  So far, her reaction is very positive, even to the prospect of
    changing bedrooms.  The baby will have Lauren's current bedroom, but
    she is all excited that she can pick out the paint color for her walls
    and the curtains, etc. in her new big girl bedroom.
    
    My concern(?) is that I don't know how to prepare her for any negative
    feelings she may have after the baby is born.  We read the Mr. Rogers
    "The new baby" book mentioned in a previous note, but Lauren couldn't
    seem to understand the pages that described the frustration of having
    to share Mom and Dad's time with the new baby - all she can understand
    right now are the pros of being a big sister.
    
    My thought is that after the baby is born, we will have to read the
    book again and maybe that will be helpful.
    
    I was just wondering if there is any way to prepare a toddler for any
    of the negative feelings they may have after the baby is born.  So far,
    all I can think of are ways to maximize the positive feelings (suggestions
    here such as having the newborn give her a gift, trying to pay extra
    attention to her, etc.).  As I mentioned above, she really can't 
    understand what is involved in sharing her parents, since she hasn't
    experienced it yet!
     
    Thanks,
    Diana

These are some of the things we did for Evan, who was 4 1/2 when Justin
was born. It has worked well for us so far, and Justin is now 4 months old.

  We emphasized that Evan was becoming a big brother, rather than emphasizing
  that he was getting a little sibling.

  We had him attend a sibling class at the hospital.

  We did *not* introduce concepts like jealousy to Evan, since Evan might 
  do something that he thought was *expected* of him, rather than what he
  actually felt.
  
  We explained that the baby wouldn't be able to do anything like walk or 
  talk or even crawl until Evan was X years old.  This gave Evan a concept
  of time so he didn't expect much of the baby.

  When the baby was born, we had the baby give Evan a gift.  We also bought
  a t-shirt and a sweatshirt which proclaimed "I'm a BIG brother."
  Evan also had more than his share of the "It's a boy" chocolates we had 
  bought for friends.  :-)

  Evan and I spent several Sundays at local malls and/or video game arcades.
  This was especially helpful when Justin was in the hospital (for 3 weeks).  
  We also made sure to make the daily hospital visits pleasant for Evan by 
  allowing him a snack from the hospital cafeteria (or vending machines) while 
  we were there.  Evan was able to choose anything he wanted and though it was 
  often chocolate, it was also often more healthy foods (like applesauce).

Evan has been nearly the "ideal" big brother.  It's possible that he gets 
jealous, but he hasn't shown it outwardly.  He is very supportive and 
inclusive of Justin, brags to his friends about being a big brother, and
gives Justin lots of unsolicited hugs and kisses.  I even overheard him
describe Justin to someone as "cute".  :-)

      Carol

    My older daughter, Sarah, was three years old when my younger daughter,
    Julia, was born. 
    
    My husband and I did many of the things mentioned in the past replies.
    I was concerned, too, about how to prepare Sarah for the negative
    feelings that were sure to come, but after trying to talk with her
    about jealousy and my time being taken, I realized that they weren't
    current problems so she just wasn't getting it (and perhaps I was
    causing a little worry or confusion). So I gave that up and waited
    until the problems arose. They never really did surface except in
    small ways; Sarah suddenly *had* to sit on my lap when it was time
    for me to nurse the baby, that sort of thing. But that's really no big
    deal and was easy to deal with at the time.
    
    One thing that I was surprized by: when I was in the hospital
    (recouperating from the planned C-section) Sarah came to visit several
    times. The first time I looked and felt pretty bad, and poor
    Sarah was just about in tears. Think how scary it must be to
    a three year old to "suddenly" have her mother lying in a big
    scary smelly hospital, unable to get up, with tubes going in to
    her arms... When Sarah came for her second visit (on the second 
    day of my hospital stay) she tearfully looked in through the door
    of my room, scared to come in, scared to see whatever terrible
    thing she thought she was about to see. When I saw her then, I 
    naturally gave her a big smile and said "There's my Sarah-doll!" 
    and her face lit up with relief and happiness. She spent the visit 
    sitting on my bed, holding my hand, asking me questions, and incidentally
    looking at her new sister.
    
    The point is, realize that there are two quite seperate experiences
    about to happen to your older child: becoming a sibling is one,
    and dealing emotionally with seeing you "sick" in the hospital
    oro having you gone from home is another. You won't  be able to 
    prepare him or her for either thing totally, and will have to wing 
    it to some degree. (For example,
    we had told Sarah all about how mommy was going to the hospital
    to have the baby. She'd been to the sibling class at the hospital
    and had toured the hospital. She knew all that, and I'm sure it was
    helpful. But no one could prepare her for the shock of seeing me
    after the birth.) Depending on the child, either one or both of those
    two experiences may be traumatic. In Sarah's case, having a new
    sister was a fun and exciting thing, but having Mommy in the hospital
    was scary and difficult. 
    
        -Barbara
          
            

A couple of other areas to consider is down the road after the baby's been around then 
the jealous may surface.  Kevin as I mentioned was four when Mike was born. One week 
after Mike's birth Mike ended up in NBICU at Boston Children's Hospital for two weeks.  
Unfortunately, the week after Mike was born the company my husband worked for was sold 
as well as the once a year big industry conference (NFPA) was being held, lucky this was 
in Boston. Due this my husband did not have the luxury of parental leave (that's another 
story), I ended up in Boston most of the time. Poor Kevin was left with my folks one 
week then my sister the next. This was just too much for a child that age. BTW - my 
sitter's children had chicken pox's otherwise Kevin would have been there during this 
time.

What ended happening is that I took on most of the caring for Michael, (due to 
complications Michael had alot of medical care) during the summer and my husband took 
care of Kevin for the most part.  

Well as they say sh*t hit the fan one night when my husband started to take care of
Michael one evening. Kevin became quite upset and ran out of the house. He told us 
Mommy takes care of Mike and Daddy is suppose to take care of me. Obviously, we had not 
even realized this was happening.  So, my husband and I started to equally care for
both boys.

If possible try not to fall into this trap where one parent cares for the new baby and
the other cares for the toddler.  It takes alot out of everyone.

- Pat K.

    Hi Diana -
    
    Ryan was 3 when Christopher was born. We made sure to do the sibling
    class at the hospital.... like most of the kids, he was more interested
    in the juice and cookies than the movie about new babies. :-)
    
    Have you seen the critter books? They have a couple good ones related t
    this topic - Me and My new Baby is pretty good. There's also a good
    book called "Koko's New Baby" that is for both parents and kids. I have
    both and would be willing to lend them to you.
    
    Mostly, we waited til very close to the birth to even talk about a lot
    of this. Children have very little sense of time til much older than 3
    and we didn't want to be overbearing. The best thing you could do is
    some reading and collecting of materials now and then work with Lauren
    more closer to the time of the birth.
    
    Let me know if I can help, or lend the books to you. 
    Lynn
    

    I'd like to thank everyone for sharing their experiences here.  There
    have been some really good ideas shared that I will definitely consider,
    such as emphasis on the "big sister" vs. "having a sibling" theme, and
    just being aware of traps that are easy to fall into after the birth -
    such as not having each parent try to divide care "equally" between the
    children.
    
    Lynn, I may take you up on those books!  We have already realized that
    we need to tone down the "new baby" talk with Lauren.  We started early
    because we wanted to emphasize the positive aspects and give her time to
    prepare, but the other evening she ran over to me and exclaimed that I
    HAD to go to the Doctors right away because she wanted him to take the
    baby out of my belly - she COULDN'T WAIT any longer for the new baby!
    July is a lifetime to a three year old.
    
    Thanks again,
    Diana 

re: Note 558.35             (4 yr old stops eating solid food) 
>BROKE::NIKIN::BOURQUARD "Deb"                        11 lines  16-AUG-1993 15:27
>                              -< start earlier? >-
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>If it's economically feasible, you might wish to consider having them in
>daycare fulltime well before the baby arrives.  (And of course, it's so easy
>to count backwards from the day of arrival :-)
...
>I've no direct experience, but everything I've read recommends that you make
>any big changes 2-3 months before the new arrival is due, or that you wait
    
    Yes, I can see where that might have helped, if we'd had the 
    heart to put them in full time daycare a month or so ago, so they
    wouldn't make a direct connection between the new baby and their
    being home less.  It's too late to go back a month, though, in our
    case, and the baby is due within three weeks.  We did start the full
    time daycare _today_, so I guess that's the best we can do.
    
    Thanks very much for your comments.
    							todd

    RE: Sending siblings to daycare while caring for new-born.
    
    We sent Avanti to preschool/daycare when Neel was born. Though she did
    not complain much she did occasionally mention that Neel was getting to
    stay home with Mommy and that she wanted to do the same. So the
    feeling of new-born being with Mommy and "I am not with Mommy" will
    arise. So be sensative to that issue. In our case I had to schedule 1
    hour of my time in the evening to spend exclusively with Avanti without
    Neel being around. Even today we do that since she still feels small
    pangs of jealousy when Neel climbs all over me. The feeling is mutual
    since when Avanti is sitting close to me he will drop his toys and try
    to muscle her out of the "Mommy spot".
    
    /Shaila

    I thought that topic #623 was changing from toddler 
    visiting new sibling in hospital to a general discussion of 
    how the other child(ren) adjust to a new baby - so, in 
    trying NOT to rathole the other topic. I am starting this one
    with a few direct questions to other parents of more than
    one child.
    
    I'm getting the impression that buying a doll for the older
    child is a very popular method of keeping the child in tune
    and participating in the new baby concept. Was there any
    doll in particular that was successful? 
    
    Was there any children that REALLY resented another child
    at home? Were you worried about the older child accidentally
    hurting the younger one?
    
    Charlotte turns two years old three weeks before I am due. Since
    she is now the centre of EVERYONE's universe (1st grand child
    on both sides, only child at home AND only toddler at the sitters) 
    I wonder how she will react to having to share the spot light. 
    
    Up until now she likes babies and reacts pretty positive to them,
    but she has not seen me hold any, aside from the pictures of
    me and her when she was a new born.
    
    Monica

    Monica,
    
    I will never forget when my sister-in-law had her second baby.  We had
    been married about two years and didn't have any children.  We went to
    the hospital to see her.  She had a little boy who was almost 3.  I can
    still see this as clear as day.  She was sitting on the bed holding the
    baby and John climbed up on the bed and smacked the baby right on top
    of the head.  Well everyone freaked out.
    
    I believe to this day he still resents her.  On the other hand, Jeffrey
    was 3years 9 months when Evan was born.  We read alot of books from the
    Library on new babies and he also got a doll.
    
    But for him the best part was going to Grammy and Pops to spend the
    night when Mommy went to the hospital.  They really made it special for
    him.
    
    I know Charlotte is still young, but try any angle you can.  But I
    think as long as you let her hold the baby and help out, she will
    adjust fine.
    
    Lillian
    

    Just to add a final note...
    
    Craig was born on his due date, May 28th, and is doing great!
    
    Here's what we did to help prepare Lauren for the new baby:
    
    	- we set up the nursery gradually, over about 6 weeks before
    	 	the birth.  We painted & wallpapered, moved in 
    		the dresser & went through old baby clothes to 
    		put in the dresser (she had great fun trying the
    		clothes on her dolls & stuffed animals), and the
    		crib went in about 2 weeks before.
    
    	- we didn't bother potty training, although we picked up
    		a few packages of 5-ply training pants about 6
    		months before the birth and tried for 1 day - what
    		a miserable failure that was!  
    
    		The *great* news is that when Craig was 10 days old
    		she decided that he was little and she was big and
    		that she would not wear diapers any more!  We explained
    		all of the implications of what that meant, and then
    		gave it a whirl... Well lo & behold, she potty trained
    		herself in 2 days!  Complete with taking off her diaper
    		at night, getting out of bed, and putting on underpants.
    		So after the first week, she was completely (day/night)
    		trained with very few accidents since that time.
    
    		So unless your child is asking to wear "big girl/boy
    		underpants", don't try it before the baby comes along!
    
    	- we attended a sibling class at the hospital where I was
    		delivering.  It was very valuable for all of us.  See
    		the note on Nov-7-1993 on this topic.
    
    	- I did not take Lauren to day care during my 5-month leave.  I
    		was concerned about her bringing germs home to infect
    		the baby.  It was a great summer, filled with lots of
    		fun activities, and only towards the end did she start
    		to miss the other kids.  Both of them go to the day
    		care now, and it's working out well.
    
    		My thoughts of having someone come to the house to care
    		for both of them disappeared towards the end of my leave.
    		Lauren really wanted to go back to the daycare where the
    		other kids were, and my provider was happy to take on
    		both of them, even giving me a discount for two kids.
    
    	- All in all, a wonderful experience and a really energetic
    		household!  I can't imaging what life will be like when
    		Craig starts to move around!
    
    Maureen

    My sister gave birth to her first child last night, a girl, and we are
    all thrilled. However, I am a little concerned about what my niece's
    arrival might do to the relationship between my sister and my daughter.
    
    Jamie is nearly 6 and to her, the sun rises and sets on her Aunt Lynn
    (and Lynn is very fond of Jamie too). I know that Lynn's love for Jamie
    won't change, but I'm also aware that Lynn won't be able to give Jamie
    the attention that she has in the past when we are together (which is
    about every two months, since we live about 200 miles apart). We have a
    son too, but this isn't as much of an issue as he is only 2 1/2 and
    isn't attached to anyone in particular (outside of his immediate
    family, his daycare provider, and Barney).
    
    Should I prepare Jamie for the new situation (we will be visiting them
    this weekend to meet the baby) or should I wait and see what develops?
    What have your experiences been in similar situations?
    
    I'm probably worrying about nothing, but Jamie's feelings for Lynn are
    so intense that I want to make sure.
    
    Thanks for all the experience and advice you can provide.
    
    Nancy-

    
    Nancy,
    
    Perhaps you could speak with your sister beforehand so she's aware of
    the concern.   In addition, maybe you could help with some of the new
    baby care - freeing some of your sister's time to play with your 
    daughter (she might actually appreciate that!)
    
    Carol

    I know it's been a while since there was a new note in this topic,
    but...
    
    Russell is due to become a big brother in aprox. 3 weeks.  At this
    point he's as excited as the rest of us.  We want to get him something
    from the new arrival.  According to the ultrasound done a couple of
    weeks ago, Russell is getting a baby sister.  I was thinking of getting
    him a Cabbage Patch baby from her.  
    
    Now I know this is going to sound sexist.  If Russell was a girl, I
    probably wouldn't think twice about getting a baby girl doll.  Russell
    is a very affectionate 4 year old who loves his stuffed Simba and Teddy
    as much as his mixer truck.  I think he might like having a baby girl
    doll he can "help" with.  My husband has his doubts.
    
    What did other of you give your sons when the younger sibling was born?
    
    	marianne

I don't remember what the official present was, but we did have 2 dolls
for our older son.  He had 1 small doll that was easier for him to hold,
and we had a larger one, newborn size, which was an anatomically correct
male caucasian newborn baby (in other words, basically what he was and what
the new baby was).

He used it for a while.  There's probably been 3 times (lasting a few days
each) where he has been interested in it enough to play with it for a while.
I don't regret the purchase.

     Carol

    Several of the boys in Carrie's daycare home had dolls when they were
    younger to give them a "baby" to care for when mom was busy with the
    new sibling.  It seemed to work out ok, and those I still am in contact
    with don't mess with the dolls much now, but they are also 8 and 9 and
    even Carrie doesn't play much with baby-dolls at this stage.  
    
    I see nothing at all wrong with giving him a doll and letting him
    nurture it, take his frustrations with the new sibling out on it or
    whatever.  
    
    meg

    
    I took a different cut at it .... for my 2nd one, I had a c-section,
    and was in the hospital (and knew I would be) for about a week.  I had
    gotten a bunch of cheapy (kids love 'em!) little toys for Chris, from
    Jonathan, and gave him a gift-wrapped one each time he came to visit. 
    This helped him a lot with the attention being poured on the baby, and
    helped keep him occupied during the visits.  When Jonathan was born,
    they each got a (different) game from him.  
    
    It seemed they could've cared less what it was, just so that it WAS
    something!!  AND, they both wanted to give something to the baby - that
    seemed a lot more important to them.  Chris took one of his baby
    stuffed animals and an old 'blankie' (dust balls and all! (-;), and
    Jason gave him a lego thing he built and a card he made.  
    
    

    My older son was 2.5 years old when his little brother was born.  What we
    did was, after his brother was born, while the baby and I were still in
    the hospital, my husband took David shopping to buy a present for the
    baby (they picked out an enormous Donald Duck), and he got to pick out a
    toy for himself at the same time (picked a tractor).

    I liked this approach because David was doing something nice for his new
    brother, and also getting a treat that he enjoyed (in addition to just
    going to the toy store, which was quite a big treat itself!).

    Both of the boys have had baby dolls, which I thought were great, but they
    play with them only rarely.  The one that got the most use (though still
    not all that much) was the one that could go in the bathtub with them,
    have its hair washed, etc.
    
				cheryl