Conference moira::parenting

    When I was pregnant I had already gained 19 pounds at 25 weeks.  It
    sounds like you are doing great.  My weight gain slowed down at the end
    so I ended up gaining a total of 32 pounds and unfortunately I am still
    carrying 15 lbs of the 32.  IMO, 8 to 15 lbs was unrealistic for me but
    for you it sounds like this will be a more realistic target.
    
    Joyce

    
    
    Some people gain most of their weight towards the end and others
    gain most of their weight in the beginning.  I guess it all
    depends on the person..
    
    -chris

    
    I don't remember - but I gained more at the end - but I was
    also holding water, but most of all my friends gained 30+.
    I only know one who only gained 26 with her 2nd..
    

My doctor recommends that after the 1st trimester, you try to gain about 1
pound per week.  This would mean a weight gain of 11-15 pounds if I did
my math right (depending on when you deliver -- I'm assuming somewhere between 
37-42 weeks).  And I didn't take into consideration that some women lose a
pound a two prior to going into labor which might make the total more like 9-13.

So far, I have been averaging the pound/week for the 3rd trimester.  (I'm at
33 weeks now).

My advice:  eat when you're hungry and try to only eat good stuff (low sugar,
            low fat, balanced protein, calcium, fruit & veg, & grain).
	    And when you need to cheat, do it and get it over with :-) !

    
    I had gained most of my weight at the last trimester, and I think I
    maintained the same eating pattern.  I didn't need maternity clothes
    until I was 6 months preganant.  Then I gained 12 lbs in 2 weeks 
    when I was about 34 weeks.  The nurse threatened to keep me in
    a hospital bed if I didn't watch out what I ate, even though I kept
    telling her I was sure that I didn't pig out.  I gained 55 lbs all
    together and the baby was born 7 lbs 2 oz.  I think my mistake was that
    I didn't exercise at the last trimester.  It was getting very hard to
    do aerobics or any exercise at all because I got tired too fast and I
    had to run to the bathroom all the time.
    
                                              

    I have gained (now at 36 wks) 20lbs total.  I find I really am not any
    more hungry than before (although I lost my sweet tooth which I am sure
    has helped) three small meals a day and three peices of fruit is my
    normal.  I would say 5-6 lbs of that came on recently and last week was
    one lb.  So I am hoping that with 4 wks to go it will be only another 4
    lbs but..................I hear that isn't always the case.
    
    So I would say everyone is different and just take it as it comes. 
    When I asked my dr if my weight was normal that was her response.  
    
    Good luck......
    
    Pam

In my first pregnancy, I gained 33 pounds.  I had wondered how much was
reasonable at my first appointment, and the midwife told me not to worry about
weight gain - worry about nutrition.  Her advice was that if I was eating good
food, I would gain the right amount of weight.  I actually lost a couple
pounds in the last weeks, not because I was trying to.  I personally thought 33 
pounds was a little low (I'm 5'8"), but it worked out.  Elise weighed 6 lbs 
4 ounces at birth.

Now I'm at 21 weeks, and have gained 11 pounds so far.  I had a couple weeks
when I could not get enough food, but my appetite has dropped off again.  I am
trying to follow my appetite and eat only what's good for me.  (Boy, would I
love a Bass Ale).

I feel enormous, but I'm really not when I can think about it rationally.

    I was almost 100 pounds overwieght to begin with, and was told that I
    should only gain 10-15 pounds, but that 25-30 pounds was "normal". 
    According to "What to Expect...", the body needs about 17 pounds to
    account for heavier breasts, the baby, placenta, etc.
    
    I was "Lucky" in that I lost 8 pounds in the first trimester due to
    nausea.  I've gained back about 3 so far, and just finished my 4th
    month.  I hear that the 5th and 6th month is when we grow a lot!  I
    can't wait to feel the baby kick.
    
    Jennifer

Regarding weight gain...

I gained about 48 pounds with the pregnancy.  Evan was born at 8 lbs, 12 oz.
The placenta was the largest one that many of the nurses had ever seen.
I lost all of the weight: 20 lbs during the birth, 10 lbs the following
week, the rest gradually in the first 6 months.  Don't ask me where it went:
I didn't do anything special, just breastfed.

     Carol

    I'm a big boned person (5'7") prone to weight gain.
    With both pregnancies I started at 160.
    With Daniel I was 205 when I lost him (week 34) and then started
    Weight Watchers at 185 two months later.
    With Charlotte I made it up to 215, but now at ten weeks I seem
    to be stuck at 185 again - I am going nowhere even though I am
    breast feeding.. 
    Last week it was back to weight watchers - doctor had put me on
    a diet for high cholesterol anyway.
    
    I totally agree with the guidelines listed in the previous reply - 
    DON'T WORRY about the gain unless your doctor does. Eat good and 
    eat when you need to. The statistics are only vague guidelines - 
    every woman is built differently and has different pregnancies.
    Enjoy!
    
    Monica 

    I remember seeing a book about pregnancy and toxemia prevention that
    says drink to thirst, salt to taste, and eat to hunger.  The OB cited a
    study in LA where encouraging this behavior cut the toxemia and
    eclampsia cases down by some huge percentage in a low income area where
    toxemia was more the norm than not.  
    
    The theory is that weight gain is individual to each pregnancy and each
    person, and that overly restricting calories, water intake and salt in
    an effort to prevent weight gain, can actually cause a system to shut
    down.  Adequate amounts of protien were also stressed.  
    
    When my weight began to push my DO's norms, she suggested cutting back
    fats, but to continue eating well, as my body seemed to be demanding
    something (or Carrie did)  FWIW I did gain 40 pound with a 6 pound kid,
    and still haven't managed to get back to prepregnancy weight.  Oh well,
    eventually.
    
    Megh   

    I am 5'7".  With both pregnancies I started at 130.
    Both times I went up to 170.  I am lucky, both times
    I was back to 130 in 3 months.  I agree with everyone
    said here, don't worry about weight gain as long as you
    are eating healthy.  Some people are prone to weight gain.
    If you do it right, eventually all the extra weight will
    come off.
    
    Wendy

    My wife is eating normally, doing a good job of limiting junk foods,
    and getting all the nutrients that the doctor says she should. At 18
    weeks, she's already gained 33 lbs. With 20 weeks to go, I have no idea
    where she'll end up but estimate she'll put on at least another 25 lbs.
    by the time the baby comes. The only thing she could probably do better
    is exercise. She gets tired very easily and doesn't have much energy
    for exercise so I don't push too hard....... ahem.....
    
    Mike

    I'm so glad I discovered this note! 
    
    I've gained 26 pounds already
    at 21 weeks and my doctor is displeased enough to schedule an
    appointment for me with a nutritionist . . . and it's very upsetting!!
    
    I am eating good food with an occasional frozen yogurt but no
    junk food. I am trying to take this in stride but feel like a bad
    little girl even though I know my diet is a good one.
    
    I'm trying to keep in mind that each pregnancy is unique!
    
    Thanks!
    
    -Melinda  

    Just as Monica mentioned earlier, I am also proned to weight gain - I
    kid that all I have to do is *think* about food and I will gain. I
    gained a lot during both pregnancies (not as much with the second one).
    During my first I had bleeding during the first 4-5 months with
    spotting during the 4th and 5th if I exercised. So I was so paranoid
    that I would not do more than walk a little. So with hardly any
    exercise I gained close to 70lbs. With the second pregnancy I walked
    quite a bit - could not during the third trimester since I would get
    awfully tired (maybe due to the weight gain). 
    
    Both times I are very little junk food.
     
    Both times my Dr was not worried since my blood pressure and other
    signs were normal. She told me that I would have to work at losing it
    later - nothing else. After my 1st was born I lost the weight by
    joining Weight Watchers and exercising 5 times a week - mostly walking
    until my weight was at a reasonable level and then running each day.
    
    My son is 2.5 months old and I have to start thinking about starting to
    lose weight again. It is hard to get exercise in with 2 kids but I
    guess I will have to make the time.
    
    So do not worry about weight gain as long as you and the baby are
    healthy - you can worry about it after the baby is born. 
    
    Shaila

    My advice, FWIW, is to try to continue to exercise as much as you can
    even if it is much less then what you were able to do before becoming
    pregnant.
    
    I say this because I didn't and now I regret it terribly.
    
    I put on 60 pounds while I was pregnant (I gave birth to a 8 lb. 10 oz.
    baby girl last April), and now five months later I am finding it very
    difficult to get the weight off.  I lost 14 pounds upon giving birth and
    then lost an additional 16 pounds since then through dieting - but I
    still have 30 lbs to go in order to be able to wear all my old clothes
    again, and boy is it depressing!
    
    My biggest misktake was that I was eating AT LEAST as much as I was
    before I became pregnant but no longer exercising to burn it off.  I
    thought that it was mostly baby, but to my utter dismay the weight
    remains months after giving birth.
    
    By the way, I breast fed my baby exclusively for the first two
    months, then combined with formula, and am just now weaning her off the
    breast to just formula.  Maybe that's why it was easier to loose the
    first 15 or 16 pounds then it is now...
    
    Anyway no matter what it was worth it - having my baby has been the
    best thning that has ever happened to me!  
    
    Best of luck to you and enjoy your little one!
    
    Elaine

    I'm a little worried.  I'm 10 weeks along, and I got 
    on the scale today and I'm 2 pounds lighter than when 
    I concieved.
    
    Last time I was pregnant I gained about a pound a week 
    for the whole pregnancy!!!
    
    I'm stumped.  I'm eating well!  Maybe I'm giving birth 
    to a tape worm?  
    
    Please tell me if you lost weight first trimester and
    it all turned out ok....
    
    -renee

    >Please tell me if you lost weight first trimester and it all
    > turned out ok....
    
    Yes.  I lost 17 pounds in the first 5 months due to extreme
    nausea.  Kat was born a few days early at 6 lbs. 13 oz.  You can
    find other notes in here bragging about how wonderful, brilliant,
    and beautiful she grew up to be :)
    
    --bonnie

    I have a friend who wound up lighter than when she started at term. 
    Lily, Otha, and Jeremy are all perfectly healthy children, well not
    Jeremy he is now stationed in Germany working as a translator.
    
    Meg

My sister also lost between 15-17 pounds during 
her first 4-5 months for ALL THREE of her pregnancies,
mainly due to extreme nausea and offensive food smells
(anything and everything).  She ended up gaining 
between 10-20 pounds for each by the end and both 
her daughters weighed around 6lbs5oz. (her third
child (a boy) is due the end of next month).  As long
as the doctor feels your okay don't worry......remember 
every pregnancy is different.

    	I also have lost weight, I'm in my fourth month and have lost 4
    pounds, according to the charts I should be up 7 by now. My midwives
    are not overly concerned. This seems to be a trend during my
    pregnancies and with a full time job and a toddler who is just starting
    to understand that walking very fast means you can run, what do you
    want?

    	The good news, however, is that with this pregnancy although I was
    nauseous for awhile in the beginning, I have not had the sickness that I
    endured during the first one for the first 5 months (I couldn't even
    brush my teeth without throwing up). So there is hope for all of you
    who have suffered or who are suffering tough pregnancies. guess it's
    really true that each pregnancy is different. (thank god)

    				Wendy

    This is my first pregnancy.  The first time I went to the doctors they
    asked me how much do I normally weight?  about 145 lbs.  The last time
    I went to the doctors was September 28, just at the end of my 16th
    week, so as of then I gained 6.5 lbs.  My doctor keeps telling me that
    I should gain anywhere from 25 to 30 pounds.  I tell her I eat all the
    time and my husband has told her the same thing (he goes to all of my
    doctors appointment with me.)  My next appointment is in 1 1/2 weeks
    that will put me in my 21st week.  BTW, the only exerise I get is
    walking to my friends house and walking up and down the stairs here at
    work.

    I am now in my 18th week with my first baby.  I am actually a pound
    lighter than before I conceived but my midwife tells me that this is
    nothing to worry about.  I actually hope not to put on too much weight
    so that I don't have too much to get off afterwards.
    
    A friend of mine hardly put on any weight during both of her
    pregnancies and the doctor was always telling her to eat more and to
    rest, etc. and also said that the babies would be very small.  In each
    case the baby went to full term and was a healthy 9 Lbs so goodness
    knows where she was carrying them!  
    
    As many other people have said every pregnancy seems to be different
    and I think it helps to remember that when worrying about different
    symptoms.
    
    Nicola
    

    This is also my first pregnancy. I had only gained 4 lbs at 17 weeks
    but when I went in for my ultrasound, my doctor said nothing about it.
    My next appt. was at 22 weeks. I was very surprised to find out that I
    had gained 8 more lbs! My nurse joked that I was just making up for
    lost time but my doctor was not all that jovial about it. He said that
    8 lbs in a month was alot and I should watch my pasta and sweets
    intake. I could have died! Anyway, I think that your body gains weight
    at different times, at different rates and gains it when it needs it. 
    
    Karen 

    
    
    My husband's cousin gained 7 lbs. TOTAL for her baby.  She was
    2 weeks late and her baby was 7lbs. 1oz.
    
    My mother weighed 90 lbs (she lost i'd say 25-30lbs due to serious
    sickness, IV's and all) when she had my brother.  Michael weighed
    in at 9lbs. 6 oz.  He's 17 now and is 6'2!
    
    My weight gain was great until the last trimester and I was 2 weeks
    late.  I looked like the "Michelin Man" because I was so full of
    water.  Couldn't even put my socks on and ended up gaining I think 40
    lbs.  He was 9lbs. 15oz.
    
    Do don't worry about not gainined a lot of weight or not gaining 
    at the beginning.  Everyone tends to gain weight during different
    trimester's and like everyone else in here said, nutrition is the
    most important thing.
    
    Hopefully this time, I won't gain as much weight.  So far, I've
    lost a couple of lbs and am due in June.  Watch me have another
    monster of a baby! ;-)

    
    
    I am very frustrated.  I was told that I am only allowed to gain
    20lbs max.  I am trying my best.  Instead of getting a foot long
    sub like I want, I have a salad and a sandwich (yuck).  Last 
    month, I had a really bad sinus infection and couldn't even taste
    food and ended up losing 8 lbs.  Even though it wasn't fun, it
    helped me out by losing weight.  I am at the end of my 5th month
    now and am due in June.  I have gained the 8 lbs back that I lost
    and then 3lbs so far.
      
    With my last pregnancy, I gained 30 lbs and in the 9th month
    (actually 9 1/2 months, I was 2 weeks overdue) I put on
    another 10 lbs just with water gain and had a big baby.
    
    With my son, I did very well until the last trimester and then
    I put all the weight on.  I'm afraid that is going to happen to
    me again and don't know how to prevent it (if I can).
    
    I also had him in February (he'll be a year this Sunday!) so I'm
    real concerened about how the heat is going to affect me (am I
    going to blow up like a balloon again?).  Since it will be warm
    outside, I plan on walking every day during lunch.  I did not 
    exercise with my son.
    
    Every time I get on the scale and saw a pound or two put on I
    would get very frustrated.  I know that I am expected to gain
    weight but am so afraid of going over the 20lb mark and having
    another huge baby (which I do not want to happen and neither does
    the doctor).  I know my first priority is having a healthy baby.
    I am eating well and the baby is extremely active.  I just feel
    pressured with knowing that I can only gain 20lbs.
    
    Did anyone else have this experience or close to it?
    
    Also, did anyone have a baby in the winter and then another in
    summer (was your weight different because of the heat)?
    
    Thanks,
    Chris (aka Michelin Woman)
    
    

    Chris,
    
    I had a winter baby and then a summer baby, and actually gained
    less with the second. I think I was so busy keeping up with #1
    that I didn't eat as much. 
    
    For me, my biggest gain came in the middle trimester, and I 
    didn't gain much in the last. In fact, I think I lost some
    toward the end, which I hear is common.
    
    The ironic thing is that my midwife *urged* me to gain between
    25 and 30 lbs, and I had trouble getting up there. (Believe me,
    gaining weight is not usually a problem for me -- I do it
    beautifully!) 
    
    Lucy

    Chris,
    I find it odd that there is a restriction on your weight gain.
    As we've all talked about before, there are health guidelines for
    weight gain, and there individual metabolisms. My doctor was only
    mildly concerned about my weight gain, and actually quite pleased
    that Charlotte was a big healthy size.
    
    Normally, I average about 160-165 lbs and am 5ft 7in. I gained at
    the same rate with both pregnancies; the first, although a stillbirth,
    (Daniel was nearly 6 lb at birth) I had topped out at about 205lb by 
    week 33, and with Charlotte (9lb 3oz) at 214 by week 39. 
    With both pregnancies within 8 months I was back to where I started.
    
    Is there a need to worry about big babies and weight gain? In my case
    I am pretty sure this big gain will happen again, and I don't let
    it stress me out 8-).
    
    Monica

    Re .-1
    
    Yes but, Monica, as you said each metabolism is different and as you
    yourself said, your doctor wasn't worried for your particular case. 
    Apparently, Chris' doctor is worried.  I think it would be good for
    Chris to determine exactly what her doctor thinks the boundaries are. 
    Certainly losing 8 pounds in the middle, no matter how it "matches" the
    target is not a good deal.  But then neither is eating foot long heros
    when one can make due with less.
    
    Over hear, our doctors are quite strict about weight gain and will send
    us to the dietician if we start gaiing too fast.  I know that I was
    also controlled concerning the times that I gained.  Just because I
    didn't gain in the first or second trimesters didn't mean that he was
    going to let me pig out in the third :-)  
    
    Chris, I think (just MHO) that if your doctor has a reason for asking
    you to control your weight gain (pre-eclampsia, etc. could be a reason
    for this), then you should ask him.  You should also tell him the
    stress that this restriction on weight gain puts you under.
    
    Just mes deux sous
    
    Cheryl 

    
    
    When I first found out that I was pregnant I went to the mid-wife
    and she said because of the size of Nicholas (9 lbs. 15 oz. 22 1/2
    inches) that I should only gain 20lbs.  She said by doing this,
    it may (and it may not) help in making this baby not as big.  I
    had a hard time pushing him out (needed a suction) because of his
    size.  So I may only gain 10lbs but still give birth to a 10 lb. baby
    and I may give birth to a 7 or 8 lb.  I have switched to a doctor
    since then (not because of this) and he hasn't said anything.
    I think I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself.  Even though I
    crave sundaes and subs, I'm not eating them.  It's killing me to not
    eat things like that but so far so good.  I hope I can hold out.
    I know I'll only end up regretting doing so.
    
    On my next appointment, I am going to ask what my weight gain
    was with Nicholas and what it is now.  Maybe that will make me
    feel better.  Nicholas will be walking probably by the end of
    March so I'll be getting lots of exercise.  In a few weeks I
    will be taking the O'Sullivan test to make sure my sugar level
    is o.k.. Hopefully that will turn out fine.
    
    Got to hang in there I guess (for 4 more months 8-})
    
    -Chris
    

I realize this can be a touchy subject, so I'll say this as best I can...

Somehow the talk about not eating as much so the baby/fetus won't grow so
big sounds to me that it is counterproductive to the health of the fetus.
Why should someone attempt to stunt the growth of their baby?  If the baby
was already born and I decided not to feed my child much so s/he wouldn't
grow as big, wouldn't that be considered contrary to the child's best
interests?  It doesn't sound like we are just talking fat here, but actual
size/growth.

      Carol

    Hello Chris,

    I'm at 5 months with my first, and something I found quite daunting was
    the prospect of gaining weight within certain (albeit generous) limits.

    Something I have found very helpful is an idea a friend gave me.  I
    gathered together all the books and advice I could find about health
    weight gains in pregnancy.  Then I took a piece of graph paper, and
    plotted a minimum and maximum line for each.  There are some great
    variations, both in the advised weight gain itself and in the stages of
    pregnancy that you are expected to gain the weight.

    I have been plotting my own weight gain on the chart each week, and have
    found it very reassuring (especially between visits to the surgery) to
    see steady progress that is keeping close to one of the lines.  I am
    happy so long as my line fits in with at least one of the advised lines
    on the graph; I watch the gradient as much as the number of pounds gained.

    I find that the graph puts the weight gain into the context of the
    pregnancy as a whole; otherwise I think I would feel uncomfortable seeing
    the weight gain each week in isolation.

    Ali

    When I was pregnant it was expected you would gain about 2 pounds
    minimum per month.  There were a couple months I either didn't gain the
    full two pounds, or occationally gained nothing or even lost.  OK I was
    a little overweight and I didn't feel it was a big deal.  But first I
    had to deal with the nurse who did the weight, vital signs and any
    major complaints, then I had to listen to lecture 101 from the OB who
    almost acused me of dieting!  Ya right, I'm eating for FOUR, even
    though there's onle ONE baby in there.  Some months there just wasn't a
    big weight gain, some months I gained tons, ultimately I only gained
    about 24 pounds, and had lost it all by the six week check up after.
    By the way this was pretty much true both pregnancies, the first
    delivery was on due date 5lb-9oz 21 inches, AJ was 5 pounds-even and
    18inches.
    
    Lyn

    
    FWIW, plus my $.02.....
    
    my youngest is 7 months. WHen I was pregnant, my doctor was *pleased*
    to tel me the weight gain range had increased to 25-35#.  (pleased
    because I had gained so much on #1, and fretted about it to no end) 
    I still didn't make it. With #1, I gained 50# with #2, 45.  I'm 5'6",
    normally 130#, and reasonably athletic in build.  I'm 35, too, for
    whatver that's worth.
    
    I know my friend got quite a bit of flack for a somehat lesser weight
    gain - and sh'es about my size, age, etc.   
    
    If your doctor can't point to any medical reason to limit your gain,
    and if you were able to shed the weight from #1 fairly well, (and if
    higher weight gain runs in yuor family as it does in mine) you might
    consider taking his/her words with a grain of salt, or even changing
    doctors.  Or maybe just callingaround to see if there's a copnsensus of
    opinion.
    
    
    

    
    ps to .34.
    
    My first baby (the one with the 50# gain) weighed 6#11oz.
    #2 baby weighed 7#9oz.    since then they've both levelled out to
    almost exactlt the 50% range for height and weight.
    
    Size of baby may not be something you have a choice on. And, as one
    earlier noter said, the real goal (IMO) is a healthy baby.
    
    Jamd
    
    PS _ the weight does come off easier with #2 - you never sleep and
    you're always running!
    
     

	RE: CNTROL::JENNISON

>>	Really ?  I didn't gain any weight (in fact, I lost weight) until
>>	my 16th week, and didn't get above my starting weight until 19 weeks.

	Hi Karen... I read all the replies to this note and now I realize 
	that what I am experiencing is not abnormal.  I'm not too
	worried but I did check the "What to Expect..." book and think I
	should probably add one more serving in each of the four food groups.

	The Nurse Practitioner that alternates with my Dr things that pregnant
	women should gain between 35-40 pounds.  I don't agree with her and
	I'm going to ask the Doctor next time what he thinks would be
	normal for me.  Anyhow, she knew that I had no morning sickness so 
	maybe she thought I was dieting.  I avoid high fat foods as a rule, 
	diet or not, but I'm cheating alot more than I did before being 
	pregnant.   Under non-pregnant  circumstances I would have gained 
	5 pounds!

	Karen

    At 20 weeks, I've gained about 10 pounds, (although I haven't weighed
    myself in the last week).  My doctor told me I should gain between
    25-35 pounds and I've been hoping to keep it closer to 25 pounds. 
    Unfortunately, I like to eat and I do seem to be hungry most of the
    time.  I've tried to eat mostly good foods, but in the last couple of
    weeks, I've consumed more than my share of junk food. :^)
    
    How do I stay away from the crunchy, salty, munchie foods that I
    crave??
    
    Dawnne
    

    
    I'm one of those people who think that if you crave something, then it
    means your body needs it. Don't forget that your blood supply is
    increasing and that your need for salt will increase.
    	                                  
    	After being a vegetarian for many years, when I got pregnant one of
    the things I craved was meat, lots of it and the greasier the better
    (look out Rosemary's baby). There were some nights that I would have
    only meat (and this from the person who would vomit if I put a peice of
    meat in my mouth) What did I do about it?
    
    	Had myself a feast and didn't worry about it. (to this day I still
    eat some meat but no longer crave it).
    
    				Wendy

    I have found (and I am only at 6 weeks) that I have lost my appitite
    completely.  I really don't have any morning sickness, I do feel a bit
    queezy at times but nothing serious.  With my first son I gained about
    35 lbs.  I just hope I can get my appitite back, it is strawberry
    season ya know!
    
    Virginia

    The first few months of my pregnancy I didn't eat any differently than
    I normally did.  I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was 9 weeks
    (I know, I'm a bit slow!)  :^)
    
    I pretty much tend to eat what a want but it's not always good food.
    I hate to cook and usually am satisfied with a bowl of cereal, toast,
    or anything that I can just pop in the oven.  But I'm wondering how
    this will affect my baby.  Am I being too selfish?  I don't have much
    energy after work to do much more than wash a few dishes or do a load
    of laundry.
    
    
    Dawnne
    

    What I did with my first (but I wasent' working either) was when I had
    the energy, I would do up a bunch of veggies and just bag them.  When I
    got hungry I would grab a baggie and nibble for a bit.  I do find now
    that after a full day of work and 1 hour drive home that I barely have
    the energy to make dinner for my son.  Microwave meals are looking
    pretty good right now.
    
    Virginia

    I could probably do that on a weekend.  May take me a whole day to do
    so!  :^)
    
    
    
    Dawnne
    

    
    Well, I'm in my 25th week now and have gained 26lb!  I'm prone to
    putting on weight anyway, and pre-pregnancy had kept it down by
    exercising 4/5 times a week - three step-aerobics classes and one or
    two good bike rides.  The cycling's out now although I still do
    aerobics once/twice a week (depending on how tired I feel).  I'm not
    eating any more than I used to, but no less either.  Once I finish work
    in a few weeks I'm going to try to go swimming two or three times a
    week to see if I can get rid of some of the flab before the baby's
    born!
    
    Sam
    

    I know some of my friends hate me for that,but I actually LOST 30kgs
    (20 during the 9 months,and 10 at the birth itself)!!!
    How did I do it? I don't know.I ate,but did NOT pig on food.And Shachar
    was born 3.710kgs (just over 8 pounds)
    Rivka
    

    Rivka;
    THIRTY KILOGRAMS!?!?
    Wow. You okay? How does this feel for you. That's a substantial loss.
    I have a friend who ended up a little lower than she started after
    the birth of her son, but not that much. I hope you we're too sick!
    
    Monica

    Hi folks,
    
    Has anyone ever gotten into a rut with their controlling their diet
    during the third trimester?  I am having a hard time sticking with my
    fruit instead of bagels w/peanut butter and the afternoon snack (which
    never was before) that has me craving candy bars.
    
    I have just entered my 28th week and have gained 16lbs.  7lbs went on
    in the last month alone.  I have had awful leg problems due to siatic
    nerve pressure and therefore, last month did alot of staying in bed
    and now can't take the stairs like I used to.  
    
    I am worried about the last two months.  Any ideas?  I am concerned
    that my limited exercise is going to cause a weight problem.  
    
    cj
    
    cj
    

    	I've said it before, I'll say it (many times) again,

    	When you are pregnant, eat if you are hungry, don't if you are not.

    	Now is not the time to be worried about a weight problem, you can
    worry about taking it off later.

    	Also, I for one, see nothing wrong with bagels and peanut butter
    sounds infinitely more healthy than the bacon that I had craved.

    				Wendy

    
    I agree with Wendy. While being pregnant is not the time to worry about
    a weight problem. When I was pregnant with Anna I had a 6-7 pound month
    also. I ended up gaining 29 pounds by the end of the pregnancy. You are
    28 weeks pregnant and have gained 16 pounds. If you were to gain 1
    pound per week for the remainder of your pregnancy you will have gained
    28 pounds, which is right in the guidelines that my ob/gyn set (25 ->
    35 pounds is their suggested weight gain range). I too worried about
    the things I ate. My problem was I can only drink milk if I eat certain
    things, like peanut butter, cookies, syrup (on pancakes, etc), gravy on
    mashed potatoes. I found that quite often I would have an afternoon
    snack of cookies and milk to get my milk, or I'd have a bagel with
    peanut butter with milk mid-morning. I didn't do this everyday, but
    occasionally. If your doctor is not concerned about your weight gain
    then you shouldn't be either. When I had my large weight gain month
    the nurse said "We don't want to see anymore months like this one" and
    I didn't, maybe subconsiously I ate a little better, but I think it was
    just a big baby growth month. I hear lots of women talk about gaining
    6-8 pounds in one month around the 5-7 month range, which is right
    where you are. 
    
    Patty

cj,

Well, just to let you know that you are not alone... I'm about 2 weeks behind
you and have gained at least the same amount, if not more (haven't seen a
scale in weeks, so can't be sure), and also had a huge growth spurt over the
last month (about 9 lbs - but 2 weeks of this were vacation, including a stay
at my in-laws', so I wasn't as controlled as I normally am!).

I have also noticed that I'm hungrier more often and have been more interested
in sweet things than the first trimester.  I don't deny myself "treats", but
do try to keep it in moderation (either amount or frequency - like 2 small
treats i.e. brownie and a couple cookies a day or 1 big one i.e. cake a la mode!)
I've also had good luck with yogurt as a semi-sweet snack that seems healthier
to me since at least is has the calcium and protein.

I agree with Wendy - eat if you're hungry, don't if you're not.  I figure the
calories are necessary for your energy and for the baby's growth, so better to
have a snack than *nothing*, but try to keep lots of healthy choices around
too so it balances out - like bing cherries or diced cantelope, which are both
refreshing and slightly sweet.

In my case, I also loosened up my eating habits recently because I think I was
previously subconsciously connecting weight gain to baby size and since I'm
really hoping for a smaller one this time (first was nearly 10lbs) I know I
was being a bit on the restrictive side. Then, after an ultrasound predicted
this baby was smaller than my first (at the same week mark) I kind of relaxed
a little (not to mention felt a little guilty I may not be getting enough good
nutrition to this kid!). The pregnant mind will go to great lengths to create
anxiety... ;-)

Good luck and try to focus on the good part of weight gain and do as much
walking and light "exercise" as you can (for mental as well as physical health!).
For me, this is my biggest problem - no stress relief through exercise since
our site just moved too far from my health club (treadmills...) which I relied
on for those lunch-time breaks!  But now I'm "lucky" to have a 4-block walk
to our parking garage - yeah, right! At least it's something...

-Cori 

    I craved (and ate) candy bars almost everyday (maybe that exaggerating
    :-)) of my third trimester. I could not (and did not) try to fight it
    since when I am not pregnant I do not eat candy bars since I am always
    battling the bulge :-)
    
    Shaila

    Well, thanks for the words of encouragement.  I also agree that eating
    while hungry is good for the baby but its what I want to eat now that
    bothers me.  I have also talked myself into believing that because I
    will be "watching my weight after the baby is born" that occasional
    sweets now should be enjoyed and not giving me so much guilt. 
    Afterall, like -1 said, if there is a time, this is now, right?
    
    cj
    

    It's been too long I guess since I've been prego so I can't remember.
    
    First is anyone due in February?
    
    My sister inlaw is due in February, but not sure exactly when.  Let's
    assume mid or early Feb, for the sake of discussion.
    
    I saw her last night and she's already filling out maternity clothes
    quite well.  She is a little on the heavy side, and is very well
    "endowed" which may make her look bigger yet.  But I wondered out loud
    to my father inlaw if she might be expecting twins!  She just looks too
    big for this early in the pregnancy.  She's had a cute little pot belly
    almost since day one.  Maybe her due date is off?  I know she was
    having some infertility problems, but I don't know if she did anything
    special to cause this pregnancy.
    
    Does this sound like one or two?  My mother inlaw (her mother) was a
    twin (her brother died a birth) so there is a possibilty.  None of the
    other children have had twins, there's 9 grandchildren so far from
    20something to almost 6 years old. 
    

    
    Lynn,
    	I am due the middle of February (17th) and that does sound like
    she's showing quite a lot for not quite 3 months along. I am down to
    wearing elastic waist pants with shirts outside or drop-waist dresses.
    I'm hoping to hold off on the maternity clothes until I get back from
    vacation (Aug 21), but we'll see. This is my 3rd pregnancy, my 1st
    ended in a D&C at 15 weeks and my 2nd went full-term, so I expected to
    show early with this one. She may just be of the body type that shows
    quickly, or her dates could be off, or there could be more than one.
    Sorry I can't help more than that. I assume if her doctor gets
    suspicious they'll do an ultrasound. Tell her good luck.
    
    Patty

    
 I'm due Feb 25th, and unless we really missed something in the Ultrasound
 2 weeks ago, I'm *not* having twins.  I'm 10 weeks along today (I know exactly
 when this happened).  My normal clothes are already too tight to wear 
 comfortably!  I know plenty of people that don't seem to show at all until 
 4 months, but not me.  I sort-of attribute this to my height, I'm only 5'.  
 I think maybe that there's not enough room long-wise, so I'm already 
 stretching wide-wise.  That sounds logical to me anyway.  

 I would have assumed that your SIL would have had an Ultrasound already since 
 it doesn't sound like she knows exactly how far along she is.  That should 
 tell for sure if there's twins or not.  

 Jean

    Well, I am due in the middle of january...so I am now 15-16 weeks
    along, and I already have quite the midsection..
    
    I like your s-i-l was a little on the heavier side before I got prego,
    but I also had a miscarriage 3 months before I got prego, so they said
    my middle area might have been a little stretched ?
    
    Anyways, I wear some maternity clothes, and some normal/oversized
    clothes...as for bathing suits...I had to get a maternity one a few
    weeks ago, because the normal one was not comfortable at all :-)
    
    So, I guess it all depends on the person's body....I do know I am only
    having one, but I have a real strange feeling its going to be big...
    
    Anne Marie
    

	I'm due March 4th, so I'm just finishing week 10.  Yesterday
	both my husband and I noticed that I'm starting to show.  I
	started this pregnancy about 20 pounds overweight, so my
	belly wasn't quite flat to begin with, but it's changed over the
	last week.

	I'd love to be having twins, but I don't think I am.  I do think
	that my body's got a good memory, and is slipping into pregnant
	mode (and look) quite easily ;-)

	Karen

    
        I'm 5 month's now and I've gained 21 pounds..  I was 15 pounds 
        underweight to begin with, so my doctor advised me to gain 40
        pounds.  Even though I've gained over 20 pounds, people don't
        believe that I could have gained that much because I'm still 
        so thin.  I'm 5'9 and still fit into a size 7.  But I do have
        a little pot belly now..
    
        I had my first ultrasound at 6 weeks because I didn't know I
        was pregenant, I thought I had apendasitis (or how ever it is
        spelled.)  but came to find out that I was pregnant.  I'm glad 
        I'm pregnant, but it is quite a shock to go into the emegency 
        room thinking your apendix was ready to explode and finding out 
        you were pregnant.  But finding out I was pregnant wasn't the real
        shocker.  The first ultrasound showed 2 fetuses.  But when they 
        did a follow-up ultrasound 4 weeks later, they only saw one.  I've
        had 1 more ultrasound since then and there is still one.  So now I 
        don't know if its goining to be twins, because some books say that 
        even with ultrasounds, 20% of mothers expecting twins don't know 
        their having them until the go into labor, and come out with a big 
        suprise.
    
        I was so excited when I heard I was having twins, but now I'm
        afraid to get too excited about it, because it looks like I'm only
        having one, which I don't mind as long as I have a healthy baby.
    
    
    
                    -Maria-

    Maria,
    Later on in the pregnancy it may be easier to see whether you have
    one or two. (after seeing my big ONE, I find it very hard to believe
    that they can miss a second baby after about 25 weeks!)
    The could have been mistaken in that earlier instance about the 
    "head count" (shadows?) or, sadly, one of the fetuses may not have
    survived.
    Did they diagnose the pain you were having? Last I knew, the first
    few weeks of pregnancy did NOT resemble having an attack of
    appendicitis !! 8-).
    
    Good luck, and keep us in touch!
    
    Monica

    Monica,
    
         Yes, I had a sist on my right ovary which burst causing alot
    of pain in my abdonim.

    Re:  wondering out loud if your sister-in-law is having twins.  I have
    found such comments to be very hurtful.  Of course, I am probably too
    sensitive, but...  I'm due in early January so I'm in my fifth month, but 
    so far I've only gained 3 pounds.  Even so, my body is built so that I 
    look extremely pregnant.  I was in a restaurant the other day and a 
    woman stopped to ask me how far along I was.  When I replied, she said,
    "You're kidding.  I was that big when I was in my 9th month!"  I smiled
    and walked away but when I got to my car I found myself crying.  Why 
    do people think that it's OK to make comments about a pregnant woman's
    body, when the same comment made to a non-pregnant woman would 
    invariably be considered rude?
    
    With my first child, I looked so big by my ninth month that my
    obstetrician worried that the baby would be too big for me to deliver.  
    He estimated, just from examining me, that the baby would be 11-12 
    pounds.  (He also scheduled an ultrasound, but I went into labor early
    and never had the ultrasound.)  Turns out this "huge" baby was only
    7 lbs 4 oz.  
    
    So I guess what I'm saying is that the size of the woman's belly is
    NOT an indication of how much weight she's gained, how far along she
    is, how big the baby is, or how many babies there are.  We all carry
    quite differently.  Staring at the woman's body and then making 
    comments about it may be hurting her feelings, even if she's
    too polite to say so.  
    
    Jane

    Jane
    
    Boy, after reading your note, I feel a little better...
    
    I too am due in January...the 2or 3rd week.  I have a good size "belly"
    right now, and know/realie I am not going to get much smaller during
    the coming months....  I have only put on 3lbs also (its nice to see
    the extra weight take a little shift), but some people have also
    made the comment to me, ... "Kinda big for only 4 1/2 months..., are
    you sure you are not haveing twins?? "
    
    I smile, say "No, I am only having 1, walk away, and then get real
    depressed about how "big" I really am...Hubby and his family, along
    with my family are all big people, so I hope I have a big baby, if not,
    I will just have a little extra work when its all over.. :-)
    
    Anne Marie
    

    My comment has never been verbalized to her directly.  My question
    stemmed more from the fact I can not remember how big she should be at
    what stage, combined with the fact there there ARE twins in the family!
    
    It was my sister inlaw herself that said something at a family
    gathering just this past weekend that she *Hoped* it would be twins,
    she would even would like one of each sex, to (in her words) get it
    over with all at once, instant family!  (there was a group of about 6
    of us, all discussing labor, delivery and c-section stories when she
    made the comment, except for me all the others have two separate births
    each)
    
    In my case maybe I  am wierd, but I was proud to have the belly to
    stick out.  It was sort of a symbol of success!  That after years of
    infertility, and the loss of our daughter, I was proud to have
    something to "show" to everyone.  Plus the second pregnancy was so much
    easier, in the sense of so much less sickness.
    
    I didn't mean to upset anyone, I just wanted some honest feedback.
    Lyn 

	re: comments about your size

	In my group, there is another woman who's due date happens to
	be the same day as mine.  Well somebody in my group has been
	giving me weekly updates on who he considers to be bigger.  One
	week it was the other woman, then it was me.  Well, I told him
	politely that he should refrain from making those sort of comments
	because he could make the bigger one feel insulted.  I pointed out
	to him that I had gained 8 pounds in 5 weeks and my doctor told
	me to behave myself (no more yogurt and desserts!).  I told him
	that I didn't need other people commenting on my size as well.
	I was quite nice about it and I really wasn't even insulted but
	I could see that these weekly comparisons might get on my nerves
	so I shut him up now (I hope).

	Of course, now he is talking about having a pool to see who goes
	(has the baby) first.  I hope he is kidding!

	Karen

    
    
    	Re: Same due dates
    
    	That's tough.  I was due the same day as a friend of mine. 
    Comparisons by EVERYONE are inevitable - good for you for trying to
    shut that guy up early!   I never managed to let people know that it
    bothered me.
    
    	When two people are due at the same time, chances are you're not
    going to have the babies the same day.  SO, when the first one goes,
    poeple look at the second and say "Why haven't YOU delivered yet?" 
    Just what you want to hear when you are DYING to have it over with.
    
    	And it doesn't stop there... people will ask whose baby sat up
    first, rolled over first, had the first tooth, walked first, etc. It
    can be SO annoying!  Next time, I hope I'm not due near ANYONE I know!
    
    	Justine

    
    I agree that the size of your body has little to do with the
    size/number of baby(ies).  With my first, I gained about 25 pounds, and
    he weighed 6lbs2oz.  With my second I gained about 32 pounds, he
    weighed 5lbs2oz (The Drs were convinced he was over 7lbs until he was
    born).  With this one, my weight's been ALL over the place, I gained a
    LOT initially, then lost 13, then gained back 9 of that, then lost 4
    more.  Right now I weigh about 5 pounds LESS than I did 2 mos ago.  BUT
    I LOOK a lot bigger.  THere's been a lot of "shifting", and what in the
    beginning was all butt and hips, has come off and I'm all belly now.
    Five more weeks to go .... I hope they go FAST!! (-:
    
    The good news is, that with the exception of the last 10 pounds or so,
    it all comes off relatively easily.  After that, it's anyone's guess
    (-:  Unfortunately, those last few pounds always seem to stay right in
    the tummy )-:
    
    Also, my Dr said that twins running "in the family" doesn't make you
    much more likely to have twins than anyone else.  He gave me numbers,
    but it was something like a "normal" woman has a 8% chance of having
    twins.  If there are twins in the families' past, that increases the
    chance to 10%.  The difference was pretty insignificant as I recall.
    
    

    The first time I was pregnant along with my two sister inlaws.  They
    were due exactly 6 weeks after me, and that's exactly how it happened. 
    I delivered mid June, they delivered the 26th and 29th of July.  I
    heard constant comparisons,  To this day the two nieces born in July
    have the same birthday party.  and I heard my niece comment that she
    didn't know exactly when her birthday was.  (that's another rather
    sensive subject for me, since I think she's being "cheated" out of her
    individuality, but yet another story!)
    
    The second time through, I found out I was pregnant, then a couple
    weeks later one sister inlaw announces she is pregnant.  I absolutely
    wanted to scream, and only verbalized "can't I do ANYTHING alone!" then
    a few months later the other sister inlaw shows up pregnant, grrr!
    Only good thing was that the first time we all had girls, and the
    second time we all had boys, which makes for good playmates.
    
    We were helping friends moving into their first home, and the wife and
    I had almost the same due date.  My husband, being the crude one at
    times, was obviously staring at we women.  When I asked what he was
    doing, he said he was comparing "bellies" to see who was bigger!  Let
    me tell you I want to hit him where it hurt, and I let him know his
    comment wasn't appreciated.  By the way, we had our babies only one
    week apart!  (another boy just like the sister inlaws!)
    
    Lyn

    
    I probably had the unusual experience of another pregnant woman making
    a comment about sizew to me. This woman was due 2 weeks ahead of me.
    I didn't know her that well, but I would see her around the office.
    One day we were talking and she commented on how large I was and how
    she really didn't "stick out" that much. Well, I almost lost it!!!!
    This woman may not have had a belly sticking out the front much, but
    width-wise she had almost doubled!!!!! I kept my mouth closed though
    and just commented on everyone carries differently. There was also
    another day when I passed her in the stairwell, I bounding down and
    she slowly trudging up. She commented on how I should take it easy,
    I almost wanted to say something about how at least I could still
    bound around, but again I kept my mouth shut. I felt great, I felt
    comfortable with the way I looked, and I was in absolute love with
    being pregnant. 
    
    Patty

    I am begining my 7th month and I just could scream at people who do
    not think before they speak.  I walked into my husbands office and
    his secretary (who had not seen my in 2 months) said wow you must
    be eatting alot of food.  I just wanted to crawl out the door
    and cry all the way home.  I was shocked that she had said that, she has
    two children and her and I probably weigh the same right now.
    
    My MIL and SIL are the same way. Everytime I call them the first
    question is how much weight have you gained so far?  How can you be
    polite and and still not give that personal information away?  It
    makes me not want to answer the phone just incase it's them. 
    
    I have only gained 27 pounds in 7 months but I started out 30 pounds
    over what I wanted to be.  So this is a very touchy subject for myself.
    
    Donna

RE: .68 - that comment from the secretary would've really unnerved me, as well.
I can't believe you didn't set her straight right away, but then it's easier
to think of things to say in retrospect, when you're not caught off-guard...
Geez, is that *insensitive*!!!  Not sure what I would've said, but I do wish
more pregnant women would respond to such comments in such a way as to at
least EDUCATE the people out there who don't have a clue about the impact of
such statements - clearly people like that just have no idea or say the first
thing that pops into their head without considering the context.

Even though I've heard all the "you're really getting BIG" comments before
(I'm about 30 weeks, +25 lbs in my second pregnancy), it still can "sting"
if I'm in a certain mood or if it comes from certain people...I'm trying to
think of some good responses, but the ones I most often use are "Yes, that
happens" or "Thanks for noticing" (said sarcastically, of course).  Perhaps
some of these might get the message across better:

	"Yes, this baby's growing great!"
	"Gee, you're the first person to mention that to me"
	"Could you elaborate a bit more as to why you feel that way?"
	"That's a good one - I thought I'd heard all the 'lines'."
	"And how is *your* diet coming along, by the way?"

I'm sure there are many others but the point is to make the person commenting
see how ridiculous and possibly hurtful their vocalization has been.  Amazing
how "unprivate" such a condition can be in the eyes of the public...

About the comparisons - it's inevitable, I suppose. RE: .68, you could make a
funny recording on your answering machine when you think your MIL or SIL will
be calling ".. and if this is ___ or ___, I've gained 8 ounces this week. Thank
you for calling..." Maybe they would get the hint (then again, maybe not!).

Maybe this stuff seems trivial to some people, but to a pregnant woman, NOTHING
is trivial!!!!!!!Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ;-)

Good luck to all in this wonderful state of suspension...

-Cori

    I like the idea of thinking up come-backs BEFORE someone says the next
    insensitive comment about my size.  Once I said to someone, 
    
    "No, I'm not gaining weight, the baby is."
    
    Also, when I mentioned this to my brother, he suggested this reply,
    
    "Well, I guess I would seem large if I were carrying a HUMAN baby."
    
    (My brother has a weird sense of humor!)
    
    Jane
           

    
    I remember being at a family cookout a couple years ago.  My SIL was
    pregnant, an aunt asked her how much weight she has gained.  She said
    "thats between me and my doctor"  She said it nicely - it ended the
    discussion and I don't think anyone was offended.  
    
    Questions like this allways drove me crazy too.  After a while I
    reached a point were I didn't care if I offended someone - they didn't
    seem to care that they were offending me with such rude questions.  One
    time I was so sick of the same person asking me this  I responded by 
    saying - If I wasn't pregnant and just gaining weight you wouldn't say 
    anything so why do you feel like you can comment on my weight now????  
    They never asked again......  
    
    Whenever I see a pregnant woman I allways tell her she looks great!!
    
    Kirsten
    

    What a great topic...
    
    I got this question from my MIL last night....I prodly told her that in
    17 wks, I have only put on 6lbs, I thought that was great! Of course
    she had to go on and on about how I should be careful, I was overweight
    to start, and its going to be harder to loose at the end (she has a big
    weight problem, so weight gain/loss is her favorite topic)...
    
    Well, I came back with...I don't really care how much weight the baby
    and myself gain, as long as I am healthy, and the baby is healthy.
    When I got off the phone, hubby told me next time, tell her 
    	a:  You didn't gain anything
    	b:  You don't know how much you gained
    	c:  Its between the doctor and the baby, and they are not 
    	    telling you... (I like this one)
    
    So, until next month!  I will be reading this topic to see some other
    good comebacks to use :-)
    
    Anne Marie
    

    
    If someone made a highly insenstive remark - like "Wow, you must be
    eating alot".  I would not hesitate at all to give them my best
    'eyebrow arched, eyes wide, upper lip curled, I-can't-believe-you-said-that'
    look, followed by STATING - if I was feeling more confident that day -
    "I can't believe you said something so rude".
    
    
    Geez!
    Jamd

I really love the Miss Manners method of handling
rudeness.  She states that there is *never* an
excuse for rudeness, so one must be polite when
responding to a rude comment like "must be eating
a lot".

An example response she would recommend for this
situation:

"How kind of you to notice!"

(This response was actually recommended by Miss M.
for the rude comment "What an ugly baby!").

Tone of voice is everything.  Lay it on thick, like
the person just complimented you on something you
worked on for weeks and you are very proud of.  Gush
excessively.

I had an opportunity to try this and the results
are devastating.  However, there are hazards.  A
person who overheard the whole conversation nearly
had a heart attack laughing.

Pat

    	On the other hand:

    	Do you really want to perpetuate ill manners and bad feelings?

    	There is so much grief in the world these days, why not just try to
    *tolerate* someone else's bad manners, lack of experience, lack of
    empathy, lack of (fill in the blank). Should someone be treated badly
    because they were not taught the rules by which *you* live? From their
    frame of reference they may not be saying something rude. Simply
    changing the topic often works fine. (kind of like turning the other
    cheek - humanity towards humans)

    	Have you always in your infinite wisdoms, always said the proper
    things in all circumstances?

    			  	Wendy


    			

I definitely had this problem with my MIL, as those who know me have heard!
When I was pregnant my MIL regularly asked me how much weight I had gained.
At first I answered her, but she always had some comment on my answer. 'WOW,
you better be careful about gaining all that weight', 'Boy you look like you
have gained more than that', and other supportive (NOT) comments.  Finally I
had to stop answering her.  I gave the type of answer like previous replies,
'that's between me and my doctor'.  I hated it and I don't understand why 
people, especially woman, aren't more supportive.

Oh and another classic comment from my darling MIL:

While I was still in the hospital from delivering my daughter, the woman says

	'I thought climbing Mt. Washington was a hell of a lot harder than
	 having a baby'

I could have kicked her.

Meaghan

    
    You know, this could be an opportunity...
    
    Has anyone ever seen a book on
    "Things NOT to say to a pregnant woman"
    
    Your MIL sounds like a prime source for material !

    One comment that did and still makes me see red:
    
    Thanks to the at home pregnancy tests, and a good calculation of when
    my period should start, I have through two full pregnancies, and three
    that ended in early miscarriage been able to tell my inlaws when I am
    only a couple weeks pregnant.  One of the times we stopped by their
    home to tell them what was joyful news to us.  I almost wanted to belt
    her when she commented "Oh you always tell us you're pregnant soooo
    early, it just makes the waiting soooo long, can't you wait until
    you're a little further along?...."  Now that sounds like a red flag,
    and a really insensitive thing to say, especially since we have such
    difficulty in conception, every one is a very difficult conception.
    (FWIW, that particular conception ended up being a miscarriage on
    Christmas Day.  And with her usual matter of fact way, just couldn't
    understand "why I wasn't happy because it was Christmas!"  Aw c'mon,
    can't she understand why I'm not happy, I'm having a miscarriage!)
    
    Lyn

    
    Question for you:
    
    	Does the weight gain happen differently for everyone as far as
    	WHEN it happens?
    	I've been trying SO HARD to be good, and so far at 27 weeks
    	have gained 16 lbs (feels more like 30!).  My MDWF is not
    	thrilled, and said - "well, you've had a prosperous month"
    	at my last appt.  I was so bummed!  I thought I was doing so
    	well!
    
    	WHat I'm concerned about is the next 13 weeks - that suddenly
    	I'll start gaining rapidly.  I am very careful about what I eat,
    	and although I don't excersize alot - I walk 2 miles whenever the 
    	weather allows....
    
    	Thanks for your input - 
    
    	Tj

    
    AAArrgh!  I hope you've read all the other replies; they should show
    you that even a well meaning doc or midwife may have theories that
    don't match the reality.
    
    I am reasonably slender to average in build. I picked up 10 pounds in
    the first seven weeks, and gained a total of 50# in my first pregnancy,
    45# in my second.  I lost it all both times, although it took 9-12
    months to get the last of it off. 
    
    The charts are mostly to help you see how you compare against the NORM,
    and to help identify a sudden change that COULD mean a problem.
    
    Certainly not gaining a lot of weight is better. The new guidelines as
    I last heard them were 25-35#.  In my experience there *is* a lot of
    variability as to when you pick it up; particularly in the first half. 
    I and all my sisters pick it up early, then taper off or even lose a
    little weight at the end. Others have a steady weight gain throughout.
    Still others will have galloping all-day sickness and not gain any
    weight until their fourth month.
    
    
    It depends on you.  I guess you touched a hot button of mine; I really
    dislike someone looking down their nose at me and insinuating I've been
    hitting the frig at 3 am.   Enjoy your pregnancy and know that most,
    all, or even more than you gained will come off. 
    
    
    

    
    
    I hope this helps you believe that even the Drs don't know everything
    .... ah yes, you're supposed to gain xx pounds, over xx months, and it
    should always be xx ounces each week.  PHOOEY!!  Apparantly my body
    forgot to read THAT manual!  With my first 2 pregnancies, my weight
    gain pattern was the same, the 3rd was a little different - different
    Daddy, and some stressful life situations (suddenly NO Daddy!),
    probably attributed to most of those changes.
    
    The first 2, I gained a LOT of weight right in the beginning.  Then the
    2nd trimester, I didn't gain much at all, then right at the end I
    ballooned out again.  This last pregnancy, I gained a lot right in the
    beginning, was still gaining in the 2nd trimester, but not nearly
    enough.  At about 6 mos (when Daddy took a walk for freedom), I lost
    about 10-15 lbs, and then gained that back over the course of the last
    3 months, but not more.
    
    For all 3 pregnancies, I gained about the same amount of weight total.  
    For all 3, they were spastic about how I was/wasn't gaining weight,
    when I was/wasn't supposed to be.  By about 1/2 way through the second
    one, I tuned them out completely.  I could "feel" what was right for me
    and my babies, and I knew that the stress that the scale imposed was
    NOT good for them.  FWIW - I've never exercised after any of them, and
    I've gotten my weight back to w/in 10 pounds of pre-pregnancy weight,
    within 6 mos to a year.  Jonathan was 6 mos old on Sunday, and I weigh
    what I did before I was pregnant (though the distribution sure is
    different!).
    
    Don't worry about it ... every few years they change how much weight
    you should gain total, so I don't see how they can be so sure of WHEN
    you should gain it.
    
    Relax, pull up a chair, and eat the sundae.  You'll have time later to
    work it off, but before you know it, you won't be pregnant anymore! (-:

    If you are eating a well balanced diet, I wouldn't worry about it. 
    Every one of my pregnancies has been different as far as weight gain is
    concerned.  With the oldest I committed the mortal sin of gaining more
    than 18 lbs, for a total of 22 lbs.  At that time, the Obstetricians
    were recommending no more than 18 lbs of gain for a woman at ideal
    weight.  With Carrie they had loosened that to 25 lbs and I gained 35,
    and lost none of it.  With Atlehi, I actually lost 5 lbs during the
    pregnancy, but I was about 30 lbs overweight pre-pregnancy.  I didn't
    significantly change the way I ate with any of them, nor did I change
    my excercising habits.  I did see a dietician while I was pregnant with
    Atlehi, as the OB from hell didn't understand reactive hypoglycemia,
    and she confirmed that what I eat is fine and that I was getting enough
    calories.  
    
    Now as to weight gain, I never gained x amount over y number of days, I
    gained in bursts of 5 to 10 lbs, and then leveled off until the next
    jump.  I know that this pattern makes some care-givers nervous, as it
    could point to problems other than real weight gain.  However, if your
    blood pressure, urinalysis, etc. all look good, just relax.  The weight
    will come off when it is ready.  
    
    Meg

    
    Thanks so much for replying - I *DO* feel really good physically, 
    and as was mentioned - have read the previous replies about the # of pounds 
    that have been gained.(That's one of the reasons I thought I was doing
    so well before my last check-up!)  And you're definately right about NOT 
    needing the stress that comes with trying to be X number of pounds at 
    X weeks! (My idea of "pigging out" is having a bowl of Special-K cereal
    at night before I go to bed!!)
    
    ..it's so nice talk be able to talk about this!!!
    
    Tj

    Well as you can see from the replies, everyone gains weight
    differently.  Personally, I think 16 lbs at 27 weeks is just
    fine.  I am at 29 weeks with my 2nd pregnancy and have gained
    a bit more than you.  
    
    I had a big weight gain at my 5 month visit but the next
    month I only gained a few pounds and didn't really eat any
    differently than before.
    
    I gained about 35 lbs with my first and with the right diet 
    and exercise after the baby was born, I lost it all and then
    some.   Take care of yourself now and worry about losing
    it later...
    
    If you feel you are eating right and exercising when you can,
    try not to worry about what she says.  Maybe you could discuss
    this further with her at your next visit.  Perhaps her comment
    wasn't meant the way you interpreted it? 
    
    		Linda

I'm glad to see that other people have had bursts of weight gain.

My first pregnancy my weight gain was steady and moderate, and I gained
around 27 pounds.  But I was overweight to start.

Then, I joined Weight Watchers and got my weight to my "goal" which was
significantly below my prepregnancy weight.  After a few months of maintaining 
that weight, I got pregnant again.  I am eating more junk than when I was 
dieting, but also much more good food.  I have had no morning sickness and have 
had a ravenous appetite.  I think I am eating about the same amount I did in my 
first pregnancy.  I'm now 18 1/2 weeks and at my last checkup had gained 8
pounds! for a total of 14.  My doctor isn't concerned, said I'm about two
pounds above where I should be, but I don't want to repeat another month like 
that.  I think I will limit the fats somewhat, but would like to use this time 
not to deprive myself.  I am going to try to stick to the pound a week guideline 
as much as I can.  I have to bring to work some good things to munch on for
snacks, since the vending machines do not have many good things to choose from.

I am doing aerobics 3-4 times a week, soon increasing to 4-5 times.  I was
exercising twice a week with my first pregnancy from the 4th month on.

I think part of the reason for the difference in weight gain is that I did
lose a lot of weight recently.  I thought that a couple months holding steady
would be enough to get my body adjusted to the lower weight, but perhaps it
wasn't.

Jackie

    
    I am 2 weeks from my due date, and gained weight kind of (to me)
    strange.  3 lbs, 7 lbs, 3 lbs, 7 lbs, 4 lbs, 8 lbs, 6 lbs and right now
    am at about 30 lbs.  I was ill with bronchitis the past 10 days, 
    and have lost weight, since eating is difficult.  We will see what
    the Dr. has to say at today's visit (;.....
    
    Lynne

	One thing to keep in mind here is that being pregnant is not
	an excuse to pig out.  Unfortunately, I pigged out.

	When I was pregnant, the first 3 months, I gained nothing.  I
	had no morning sickness and I was eating more but I was eating
	healthy things (low fat, lots of fruits and veggies).  The
	nurse practioner that I saw at my 3 month visit suggested that
	I eat even more.  Well I wasn't hungry enough to eat more so
	instead I ate things that were loaded with calories such as
	fried food and desserts.  I went from never eating sweets to
	eating one sweet every day.  From there I gained pretty
	steadily, 4-5 pounds per month.  One month I had an eight pound
	gain and my doctor told me that I'd be regretting it later if
	I kept gaining weight at that rate.  I cut back a little on
	the bad food and went back to a pound a week gain later in
	my pregnancy.  By the end though, I had gained 32 pounds and I've
	still got 10 pounds to lose 4 months later!  The doctor was
	right, I do regret it!

	The next time I get pregnant, I'm going to behave myself.  I'm
	not going to indulge in sweets and junk food anymore than I do
	when not pregnant.  My increased food intake will be in the
	form of good food and if I gain 32 pounds next time, at least
	I won't feel guilty about misbehaving.  

	So... point here (and I think everyone else has made the same
	point)... if you are eating what you are supposed to eat, the
	rate of weight gain should not be important, so long as you
	do gain weight!

	Karen


	

    
	I have an average to large build, I'm 5' 10", and have always 
had to watch my weight.  I don't exercise, due to some joint problems, 
and lack of ambition.

I joined Weight Watchers and lost 10 lbs., then got pregnant 6 weeks 
later.  I stopped WW, and just ate sensibly, gaining 34lbs., of which 
28 is now gone.  I gained my weight so predictably, that the dr. asked 
if I was dieting - 5 lbs. in the first trimester, and ~1 lb/week after, 
and nothing at all the last 3 weeks - I even lost 1 lb., and I went 40.5 
weeks.  Of course, I was lucky - I had no morning sickness, and no 
water retention either.

Until the weather got too hot, and my braxton-hicks too uncomfortable, 
I took walks outside at lunch, and did everything I normally did 
before I got pregnant, until about 8 months, when I was just too low 
and huge to get around.  

This was my 1st baby.  My neighbor was due on the same day with her 
2nd, and went overdue, too - hers was born a few hours before mine, 
and we gained the same amount of weight, but at totally different 
rates until about 7 months - she gained less, and didn't show as early 
as I did.  In the last trimester, she caught up, and we stayed 
identical till the end.  So, don't worry - things could be completely 
different a month from now.

I lost 18 lbs. on D-Day, 8-10 was baby, and lost another 6 lbs. within 
4 days.  That includes stuffing my self with Thanksgiving dinner the 
day I came home from the hospital - I didn't have room to eat much in 
the last few weeks, and I made up for it.  The last 10 has been hard, 
but as I cut back on nursing, it began coming off, and since she's been 
weaned I've lost another 2 lbs..

Remember, though, your shape may change, even if your weight stays the 
same or less.  My favorite maternity dress was a nice sheath-style, and 
fit until I really burst out in front and had gained 20+ lbs.  Out of 
nostalgia, I tried it on a few weeks ago, and guess what - it's so tight 
I could barely get it on!  At least most of that was up top - *that* I 
don't mind!  Hope those last 4 lbs come from the hips, and not up there...

Becky

    
    Maybe we should start a "Weight-LOSS" note.
    
    I found I lost about 10-12 lbs in the hospital, and another 10-15 in
    the next week to 10 days. the rest slowly melJamdted off, but I never lost
    the last 5 pounds until I stopped nursing, and then it was gone (along
    with a couple of other things) within a week!
    

    
    ..okay - first-timer here:  
    	Isn't breast feeding supposed to help burn off the weight?
    
    	Tj

    Tj,
    
    Breast feeding does help take off the weight, but it also redistributes
    it.  I usually carry an extra few pounds on top while nursing.
    
    Meg

    
    I found that while I was breast feeding I was always STARVED so I ate a
    LOT more - and more than I needed.  Once I stopped, I didn't feel
    guilty or starving if I skipped a meal, so the weight came off easier.
    My sister lost all of her "baby fat" plus 20 extra pounds - she swears
    from breast feeding (exclusively, no bottles) her daughter for a year.  
    

    
    Probbaly a wee bit different for each person...
    
    It seemed to me that while I was breastfeeding my body was holding back
    a little - keeping a reserve 'just in case'. Once I stopped, the
    reserve was unnecessary.
    
    Jamd

    My doctor said that breast-feeding helped shrink the uterus (i.e.,
    stomach gets flatter faster)  I also found that the weight shifted to
    up top.  However, once I stopped breast-feeding the weight came off
    pretty quick.
    
    LG

    Thanks for helping clear that up.  It's not quite as black and white as
    I had read..as you mentioned - everyone's different.
    
    Tj

... to support the "everybody's different" theory:

It took me *18 months* to lose all of my pregnancy-related weight.  And I
nursed for a little over 6 months.  I also read in some magazine that some
women lose it all by 6 weeks, and others take up to 18 months.

So I immediately took a vacation and gained 3 pounds :-)

- Deb

    My experience...
    With my first baby, I gained 27 lbs, breast fed him for 8 wks,
    and lost all of the weight, plus 5 lbs by 6 months (with not too
    much effort).
    
    I'm pregnant again and seem to be going a little above the
    weight-gain trend I took in my first pregnancy.  
    
    So far, my gain looks like this:
    
    At 5.5 wks (first appt) I was 117.5 lbs (my normal weight), at 12.5 wks 
    I was 123 lbs (up 5.5 lbs in 7wks), at 17.5 wks I was 128.5 (up 5.5 lbs 
    from last appt for a total of 11 lbs), and my most recent appt was 
    yesterday (@22.5 wks) - I weighed in at 132.5 lbs (up 4 lbs from last 
    appt for a total of 15 lbs).
    
    So at 22.5 wks, I've already gained 15 lbs.  I'm pretty depressed
    that it looks like I'm going to gain more this time, but I'm hoping
    that since this will be a summer baby I'll have a chance to walk and
    swim a lot to lose the weight.  I guess if I gain 1 lb/wk for the 
    rest of the pregnancy (~17.5 wks) I'll total 32 or 33 lbs.  Is it
    realistic to expect to only gain 1 lb a week in late pregnancy?
    I'm having a hard time remembering from last time.  I believe my
    appetite decreased at the end because everything felt so squished.
    But I don't know if that affected the weight gain at all.
    
    I know that this month (the 5th) I gained a lot in my last pregnancy...
    I think 6 or 7 lbs.  But this time I only gained 4.  So I'm hoping
    that it's just the "rate" of gain that is a little different this
    time ;-)  ... I definitely feel more hungry this time & gained more
    in the beginning.
    
    And it's soooo much different with a toddler at home.  I can't seem to
    find the time, energy, or motivation to work out.  Last pregnancy,
    I did jazzercise up until my 7th or 8th month.  This time, I'm
    feeling pretty out of shape :-(
    
    So that's my story... I'm keeping a chart of my weight gain (which
    someone in this note did and I thought was a great idea).  It
    does make me more "aware" of the foods I'm eating since I have to
    note my gain after each appointment.
    
    I hate gaining weight, but it's definitely worth the outcome!!!!
    

    I gained 10 more with my second pregnancy, mostly earlier on, than with
    my first.  And, sad to say, it was more difficult to lose than the
    first time around, even though I breastfed even longer!
    

I have only one child and can only talk of that time :-)  I gained 33 pds ..but
I do remember that the last checkup I had before Shruthi was born, I had lost 2
pounds.  The nurse told me that this was pretty normal and happens to a lot of
people!  Shruthi was born two weeks ahead of schedule..so I don't really know
what the trend would have been like for the last two weeks!  But before that,
yes I gained less weight than I did when I was around 5-6 months along.

--Chaya.

    I gained 30 pounds with Aaron and had lost all but 3 pounds by 2 weeks
    after he was born.  BUT...the reason I had lost it is because they
    tried inducing me 7 or 8 times before I finally went into labor on my
    own.  On the days they tried to induce me I would eat a light
    breakfast, very little lunch and would finally have a late, light
    supper.  Also after Aaron was born (by c-section) he was kept in the 
    hospital for a week because he started running a temp before he was
    supposed to be discharged.  Seeing him in NICU with a IV in his arm and
    the monitor alarm going off every few hours doesn't do much to bolster
    your appetite.
    
    I'm a few pounds under what my prepregnancy weight was, but my body is
    really different.  I need to do some heavy duty abdominal exercises to
    get rid of my gut!
    
    sandy

    
    
    Hi Julie,
    
    I'm up 23 pounds at 23 weeks!  If I keep gaining 1 pound per week
    I'll gain 40 total!  I only gained 32 pounds with Lauren.
    
    Some differences this time around:
    1.  I'm not exercising.  With Lauren I did Step Aerobics till the end.
    2.  The holidays...
    3.  I'm eating whatever I want and I'm not eating well.
    
    Part of the problem is that my husband is not home up to 3 nights per
    week so working out after work is not an option.  By the time Lauren
    is in bed, I don't have the energy.  And I've been eating less well
    since I don't bother to cook dinner when hubbie isn't home and I get
    into stuff I shouldn't get into.  And I'm depressed since hubbie
    is not home which makes me eat more.  And I decided I just don't care!  
    
    However... in 5 more weeks, my husband will be home EVERY night 
    and I have permission from the doctor to resume Step Aerobics and 
    I'll start planning better meals.  Hopefully I can slow the weight 
    gain down to 3 pounds per month instead of 4.
    
    I believe that the summer will be a good time to take off the
    weight too.  I'm planning to walk everyday with the baby after
    my husband gets home from work (he can have one on one time with 
    Lauren).  And I'll be doing Step once I'm 6 weeks postpartum.
    
    Karen

    I'll be the one to hate here...   I lost so much weight during
    my pregnancy, that in the end, my weight was only up by 18 lbs
    when I delivered Angeline.  AT my six week check-up, I was 17lbs
    lighter than my weight just prior to pregnancy.
    
    All that good eating and not "drinking" while I was pregnant helped
    reduce a pre-existing weight problem.   And that was without
    exercising.   Only wish I didn't have the problems I had in the 
    beginning, I could have lost more weight!  :-)
    
    Now, if I have two more babies, I'll be at the weight I want to
    be!  :-)
    
    						cj *->

    According to the chart I'm doing on my weight gain, if I keep
    steady from now on at less than 1 lb/wk (.8 lb/wk to be exact, 
    4 lbs between appointments which are scheduled every 5 wks), the
    straight-line extrapolation will put me at a 29 lb gain total.
    Since I gained about 27 with my son, I could live with 29.  I
    just really don't want to get too much over 30 lbs since I'm
    only 5' 3" tall (medium frame).
    
    I really prefer to be 112-115 lbs (non-pregnant).  I did manage
    to get down to 112 lbs after my son was born, but only for about 6 months,
    then I gained back 5 lbs (to bring me to 117).  I did start out
    the same weight this time (or close ... 117.5 this time at 5 wks,
    117 at 6 wks with my first pregnancy) so it's really easy for
    me to guage my weight gain in comparison last time.  
    
    I hope I can swing this goal (to stay under 30 lbs).  I hope the 
    weather gets warmer soon so I can start walking again.  I've got 
    the winter-blues BIG TIME !!!

    I gained 39 lbs. with my first child, and was *stuck* with 17 of it
    after he was born.  I was just 30 then, and had been on a 10 lb. yo-yo
    for years.  Weight problems run in my family, my mother is a size 30 or
    something at 65 yrs., and I don't ever remember her below an 18 (when I
    was a small child).  I struggled for two years to take it off, and
    finally went on Jenny Craig, lost 29 lbs. in 3 months.  Unfortunately,
    over the ensuing 6 years, I gained back about 25 of that.  When I
    became pregnant 14 months ago, I was at about 138 at 5'2".  I walked
    around the large parking lot at our office three times a day, every day
    of my pregnancy that didn't rain.  I only gained 18.5 lbs. total, and
    left the OB's office at 3 weeks weighing 7 lbs. less than when I
    started.  Of course, over the rest of my maternity leave, I gained it
    all back, and have only lost about 5 of that since.  I'm sitting at 138+.
    Sigh!  It just isn't as easy to take it off at 37 as it was at 27!  
    Well, I've got my treadmill, I've got my Tony Little Ab Isolator (which 
    DOES work, folks, even after 2 c-sections!!!), and I'm getting there,
    slowly.  FYI the TL Ab Isolator -- I have constant tension problems in
    my back and neck, and have been in chiropractic care for 2.5 years, and
    this thing does NOT hurt, does NOT take a lot of time, and I CAN see
    tummy muscles forming under my spare tire...a revelation, since I was
    never a hard body in the first place!
    
    Keep the faith, ladies -- baby weight is a reversible condition, it
    just takes work, courage, work, dedication, work, willpower and more
    work! -:)!
    
    M.

    I was 109 (begin) with Ariel and gained 20 lbs. But didn't lose it all.
    
    Then I was 115 (begin) with Brittany and gained 20 lbs, but didn't lose
    it all.
    
    Now I started at 120 and from my 5th month to now (30wks) I've gained
     already 20 lbs.  Up to my 5th month it was only 3 lbs.  Quick gain!
    And it's killing my back!  But I've got the pressure, cause my best
    friend is getting married in October and I'm her Maid of Honor and
    she already bought the size 8 dress!!!!!!
    
    I told her the other day that I was already up to 140 and the first
    thing she said was "AH are you going to fit in the dress?" Thanks
    alot Lisa!!  AND its a slinky mermaid style dress!  What was she
    thinking!
    
    Rose
    
    

    
    	Rose, you look wonderful!  
    
    Karen
    

    Oh Bless you Karen!  I don't feel extensively fat, but the weight gain
     is murder on my back!  Why can't I have a couch in my office! Oh yes
    and along with food service.  Haha
    
    Rose

The author of this note has opted to remain anonymous at this time.  If you
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author.  

Hi,

I'm hoping I'm not the only one in this predicament:  I'm planning to get
pregnant in the next few months (after having a miscarriage in November and a
D&C the day before Thanksgiving). And my concern is around gaining weight.  
I'm currently 10 lbs heavier than I want to be, but in my weight range.  

What if my husband is grossed out by how big I get?  I'm not a nut, but I
*know* he likes thin women and I just don't want him to be not-attracted to
me. 

I do aerobic activity 6x week and do some light weight lifting.  This may
sound vain to some people, but it's important to me to not gain tons of
weight if I can help it.  I plan to continue (in moderation) my current work
out schedule which I'm sure will help but I know so many people that just
ballooned up.  

Has anyone else worried about this or am I in some twisted class of my own?

Thanks.

p.s. My getting pregnant does not hinge on how much weight I "might" gain,
but I'd like to keep the excess to a minimum.

    re: husband getting "grossed out" by weight gain
    
    I'm mostly a read-only-noter here, but this statement just rubs me
    the wrong way.  My wife has had 3 successful pregnancies, and 1
    miscarriage - so I think I've been around the block a few times
    here.  As such - I just cannot understand why ANY husband would be
    grossed out by a wife's weight gain during pregnancy.  For crying
    out loud - she's having a baby!  There'll be weight gain both
    due to the baby itself, and also due to metabolism and other changes
    to the mother as a matter of course.  Now, that doesn't mean that
    gaining 100 lbs is the best thing to do - but having a good diet
    and some basic exercise and as such keeping the weight gain under
    control FOR THE BABY is the right thing to do.  
    
    If your husband has a problem with the way you look while you're
    pregnant - he's missing the boat big time about what this whole
    thing is all about.  Going through a miscarriage was about the lowest
    time of my life.  Seeing my 3 sons born were the best times of my life.
    And the time I spent with my wife during pregnancy - watching the baby
    grow - watching my wife go through changes - being frantic when waiting
    for amneo tests after the AFP came out bad (all was well in the end) -
    THOSE are the most important things - and you should enjoy the time
    without worrying whether your husband things you're attractive or
    not.
    
    Sorry for flaming - but this rubs me the wrong way big time.
    
    andy (whose 8 and 11 yr old sons are battling it out as usual, and
          whose 2 month old son just had his bath and is starting to
          laugh for the first time - just another day in our house - and I
    	  wouldn't trade it for the world)
    

    
       .109 I agree with that reply.
    
       Also, I think that even inspite of that, it's important to keep
    down the weight gain during pregnancy. Mainly for health reasons. My
    sister gained too much weight and ended up being very sick with
    toxemia. So, keep to healthy foods, take your vitamins, do moderate
    excercise, and don't worry so much about your husband! 
     
       Maybe it would be wise to disscuss this with him. He may not even
    realize how stongly you worry about this. It may even be something
    you learned somewhere, like when you were a little girl you may
    have somehow learned that husbands leave wives who gain too much
    weight. It may have much more to do with your own fears than what
    he actually ever said or felt. 
    
       Rosie

    .110> It may even be something you learned somewhere, like when you 
        > were a little girl
    
                            ... and people talked about a pregnant woman
    having a "fat stomach".  Hey hey HEY!  It's not fat and it's not the
    stomach!  Blood volume increases, the actual size of the heart
    increases, and of course it's the uterus, not the stomach, that's
    producing the big belly.
    
    Get some pamphlets from the OB/Gyn and share them with hubby: "see
    honey, I'm going to have to remember to look at these if I start
    feeling FAT, because it's obvious from these pictures and the
    accompanying text that it's not fat, it's a whole new person and
    associated support systems" :-)
    
    Leslie

    I would suggest that you discuss weight gain with both your husband and
    your doctor.  If you are able to continue an exercise program and eat
    wisely, you shouldn't put on excessive weight.
    If you are in your last trimester in the summer, you are more likely to
    put on extra water weight.  This may be something to consider.
    Your goal of course should be a healthy baby.
    
    And after the baby is born, breastfeeding is an excellent way to burn
    alot of extra calories.  I am still nursing my daughter (she is 2 and a
    half) and the pregnancy weight came off very rapidly and I weigh less
    now than before I was pregnant.  The downside to this is that you'll
    have to schedule your exercise around your nursing schedule as in some
    cases vigorous exercise will sour breastmilk.
    
    It sounds like you are well disciplined regarding diet and exercise so
    you shouldn't worry about weight gain but focus instead on a healthy
    baby!
    
    Best of luck.
    Nancy

>    <<< Note 157.109 by ZEKE::ASCHNEIDER "Andy Schneider - DTN 381-1696" >>>
>                           -< This is incredible... >-
>
>    re: husband getting "grossed out" by weight gain
>    
>    I'm mostly a read-only-noter here, but this statement just rubs me
>    the wrong way.  

    Me Too!  Encourage your husband to view pregnancy as a time you can
    both enjoy sex with no fears of pregnancy!

    The only time I'ld watch for weight gain is when you stop nursing.
    You'll be eating up a storm while nursing and still losing some weight
    from pregnancy, but when you stop....THEN its hard to back off on
    the intake.
    bob

>> >    re: husband getting "grossed out" by weight gain
>> >    
>> >    I'm mostly a read-only-noter here, but this statement just rubs me
>> >    the wrong way.  
>> 
>>     Me Too!  Encourage your husband to view pregnancy as a time you can
>>     both enjoy sex with no fears of pregnancy!

I disagree.  The husband has not expressed these views.  The anonymous noter is
simply stating her worries that he might.

To anonymous:  Quite likely your husband already views the pregnancy as
wonderful and marvelous, and he has no concerns whatsoever about you looking
"fat".  He married you for a reason, he's having kids with you for a reason. 
Talk to him, share your worries and fears, and if he's the decent person he was
when you married him, he'll make a special effort to put those fears to rest.

It is understandable that you might worry about such things; there are many
worries, some rational and some not so rational, about pregancy, childbirth,
and parenthood.  At such times, it is more important than ever that you talk a
great deal with your husband, listen with sympathy and understanding to his
concerns, and handle the situations together.  You are a team, you can help
each other, you can trust each other.

						Brian

    I had to put my two cents in. I'm 28 weeks today, I'm 20 lbs heavier
    than when I got pregnant. I gained most of it after the first three
    months. I didn't expect to get pregnant, but I did, the only thing that 
    is in my mind is a healthy baby. If my husband has anything to say about 
    my wieght gain, I 'm not hearing it. I know he likes me svelt, but he's
    also not obsessed with it. I managed to gain a few extra pounds over
    the last four years, but I was losing wieght when I got pregnant. The
    doctor isn't worried in the least about the weight. I ask him all the
    time he expects me to gain between 25-35 lbs. for a healthy child. that
    is in the text books. If you eat good, it goes to the baby. All the
    good stuff goes to the baby. I saw the baby last week in an ultrasound,
    a good diet and the kid is over 3lbs already. My body has to triple, plus 
    that wieght in circulatory fluids and such to maintain another life
    form without compromising my health. I have been meticulous about what I 
    eat, how much I eat and how often I eat. But your belly gets big, 
    your butt gets big to   support the growing abdomen and your chest, well, 
    being well endowed anyhow, your chest just goes to letters I'VE never 
    ventured near before, but it's only temporary and it goes away after 
    the baby is born.  Find out now if he will support your body changes
    and support your wieght loss after, because you are bringing another
    life into this world and it definately changes some stuff.  
    
    just my honest opinion....
     

    I am now in the 32nd week of my pregnancy.  As of the last checkup I
    had gained almost 24 lbs.  However, most of the weight gain occurred
    during the last 2 months.  According to the books I have read, gaining
    too much weight during the first trimester is bad because that will go
    into fat but gaining weight during the second and last trimester is
    good because it goes to the baby.  
    
    As other noters have already stated, if you eat healthy foods then you
    will not have to worry about too much about the weight gained.  You
    should eat lots of fruits and vegetables, drink skim milk instead of
    whole, and eat good carbohydrates.  Stay away from cookies, cakes,
    candy, etc. because these will cause you to gain a lot weight but the
    baby will get no nutrition from them.  I also seem to be thirsty all
    the time and I end up drinking a lot of water during the day.  The
    books say that you should drink at leat 8 glasses of water (or milk,
    juice, etc.) a day.  I have found that eating sensibly and drinking
    lots of water has helped me from getting constipated.  My only exercise
    is walking.  I feel that is safer for the baby then a normal exercise
    program.
    
    If you are planning to get pregnant, then your concern should be to
    have a healthy baby not what you will look like.  Every woman carries
    differently.  I have not gained any weight anywhere else on my body
    except in the stomach area.  I did not to set out to have it this way -
    it just happened.  If your husband really wants this baby, then he will
    look on your weight gain lovingly because he will know that the baby is
    growing inside you.  Make sure he is present for any ultrasouds done so
    he can view the changes happening.
    
    Not eating enough food because you are afraid of gaining a lot weight
    could be detrimental to the baby.  Just make sure you eat healthy foods
    and you should be fine.
    
    Maria
    

    RE: a few
    
    Well let me add a few cents to the pot.
    
    Lets not concentrate too much on the specific weight gain either. 
    There may be factors involved which effect the final weight gain.  I
    read a few replies here where the weight gain was 25-30lbs total.  This
    is good but may or may not be normal for all individuals.  My wife
    gained 100 lbs the last time (twins).  Of the total, 15+ lbs were the
    babies, the majority of the rest was water.
    
    The important thing is to eat right and exercise as you normally would. 
    Be careful of the items you've been told to avoid etc.
    
    Other than a few comments about the need to open a door a few seconds
    before you get there, you shouldn't worry about your size.
    
    My opinion!!
    
    Dan

    RE: past bunch
    
    I thought I'd put a less emotional reply in here.  Guess I still
    have sympathy-hormones from our recent pregnancy!  :-)
    
    As many have said - weight gain varies incredibly between people,
    and it's not totally predictable in terms of how much one gains - and
    how the body reacts during pregnancy.  Some women I know have gained
    just enough to support the child (and if you didn't see their 
    belly you wouldn't know they're pregnant at all) - while others gain
    weight all over - retain water, etc.  Sometimes it can be controlled
    by diet and exercise - but many times it cannot.  
    
    My emotional answer came at the thought of a man not finding his
    wife physically attractive during pregnancy.  If it's true that the
    man feels this way, then I have a real concern.  However, if it's
    the woman who "assumes" her husband will feel that way, then it's
    definitely time for a heart-to-heart talk between the couple.  As
    some have said - I find my wife as attractive - if not moreso - during
    pregnancy - weight gain and all.  Perhaps it's clouded by the emotion
    of a child coming or whatever - but you have to put in perspective
    what's happening here.  I know that the first time around my wife
    was very disturbed by her own weight gain, and it took frequent
    complements by me that I didn't even notice it to make her feel
    better.  The subsequent times it wasn't as bad - she knew what to
    expect.
    
    so - in summary - PLEASE have good conversation between the two
    of you -and feel comfortable with your situation.  If you do decide
    to exercise and control diet for whatever reason, make sure your
    doctor approves the plan as to not jeopardize the health of the
    baby - that's the most important thing!!!
    
    andy
    

Can I be forgiven for making a rather sexist observation here?

> What if my husband is grossed out by how big I get?  I'm not a nut, but I
> *know* he likes thin women and I just don't want him to be not-attracted to
> me. 

I vaguely recall that many years ago, I thought that pregnant women looked ...
well, unattractive.  Then we decided to have a baby of our own; and, almost
literally overnight, I realized that there was *no one* as attractive as a
pregnant woman -- the more pregnant, the more attractive.

That was fifteen years ago, but you know, I've never gotten over it.  If you
should be wandering around ZKO in eight or nine months, you can be sure that
you'll receive an admiring gaze from me as you pass.

Of course, I'm not your husband; but please don't assume that his esthetic
tastes when he is blessed with a pregnant wife will be the same as they were
when you got married.  Pregnancy makes for lots of changes, trivial as well as
cosmic, for father as well as mother.

Take care,

	Neil Faiman

    
    
    Something to keep in mind.  Everyone is different.
    
    It's very easy to go by "What the Book says", and gain 25-35 lbs, but 
    in my case I wasn't text book.  I have three children EACH time I gained 
    55 to 65 lbs.
    
    Blood pressure normal, GTT test normal.  I ate an extremely healthy 
    diet, very little junk (less than when not pregnant) and moderate
    exercise.  I just tended to gain weigth.  All babies were very healthy 
    and so was I.  I returned to my pre-pregnancy weight not long after. 
    My deliveries were fairly easy (as easy as labor can be).  First one
    was a c-section (failure to progress) 7 lbs 7 oz., 2nd VBAC 9lb 15 oz, 
    3rd VBAC, 9lbs 3 oz.  Third one was a piece of cake (I gained the most 
    with him).
    
    I'm just very thankful that I had a Dr. that wasn't weight crazy.  I
    know that I would have been nuts if I had been held to some textbook 
    guidelines, maybe causing me to do something stupid, like restricting 
    my diet.
     
    Remember that everyone is different !!!  
    
    Your health and the baby's health are the most important.  You can deal
    with any extra weight after the baby is born.  
    
    
    Laurie O 
                                                    

I have to agree with -.1

I've actually LOST weight with each of my kids.  That is, during the pregnancy
my weight gain would be only 10-15 lbs and my post delivery weight would be
10-15 lbs LESS than when I got pregnant.  

In all cases, my doctors have said that as long as the baby was growing, they
were not going to worry about my weight (I had the extra to loose!).  They 
attributed it to better eating while pregnant.

However, just because I didn't gain a lot of weight doesn't mean I didn't look
fat.  I DID!  As others have said, the "fat" is not as much your body as it is
the baby growing.

Irene

    Hi anon,
    
    There is a lot to the shape a body takes when it is pregnant.  I think
    that a person who is happy with her pregnancy looks wonderful, whether
    she gains no weight or gains 70 pounds.  I have seen other people who
    aren't happy in their pregnancies for whatever reason and they look out
    of balance, almost detached from their bodies and it isn't as pretty. 
    this may not be coming across quite the way I want it to, but I think
    if you walk in beauty with your pregnancy when it happens your husband
    will be as thrilled with you and your shape as he is when you aren't
    pregnant.  
    
    If you eat nutritious foods, chances are you may find yourself in
    better health and shape during and after the pregnacy than before. 
    don't obsess over eating "exactly right" all the time, but don't go
    overboard on the chocolate raspberrie tortes and frenchfries (my
    downfall was salty, greasy food, not sweets) and I think you will be
    happy.  A good book on prenatal nutrition (which many people recommend
    you start on before you concieve) is "What Every Pregnanct Woman should
    Know", by Thomas Brewer.  
    
    meg

The following is a reply from the anonomous noter:

the usual information on anaonymous replies apply.

****************************************************************

Thanks for all the replies.  I appreciate the different viewpoints.  As .114
stated, my husband has NOT made the statement, I'm just concerned that he'll
feel that way.

To .119 - THANK YOU!  You said what I was thinking HE'D be thinking.  Years
ago, before we were even engaged, one of his friends wives was pregnant and
we ran into her at a fair - my husband said "Did you see how fat she was?" 
Well, she wasn't fat, she was just very pregnant.  In fact, I thought she
looked great!  So,... thats sort of stuck in my head all these years.  Maybe
he'll see me in a different light when it's HIS wife and HIS child.  Thank
you.

.122 - I know you're right.  And I know I'll eat healthy.  I eat pretty good
right now, so I'll just be better at it.  The fact that I'll be eating for
the health of another being will certainly override any fear of fat that I
have.  Nothing will be more important than providing a healthy growing place
for my baby.

Just so everyone knows, he's never made any statements about my weight other
than to tell me I look great.  I will definately talk to him about this and
let him know how concerned I am.  I guess talking to him is the smartest
thing to do.... of course, I didn't think of THAT! 8-)

Thanks again,
Anon.

    
    	One thing to keep in mind is that weight gain does not
    	always reflect how we look when pregnant.
    
    	I started all of my pregnancies twenty pounds overweight.
    	I gained less than 25 pounds for each of my first two.
        I exercised throughout both pregnancies, well into the
    	ninth month.  I ate what the baby wanted, :-), somedays
    	fruit, somedays ice cream.
    
    	However, I carried HUGE.  I still get people today who will
    	comment on how big I was carrying Andrew, who I swear was
    	lying with his feet towards my back and his head towards
    	the world.  
    
    	My doctor would measure me, say, "Looks like triplets, mom",
    	then would check my chart and note that I'd gained less than
    	a pound in four weeks, and would ask if I was eating or if
    	I'd been sick.
    
    	Many of the people I know that have gained over 30 pounds
    	still carried much smaller than I did.  Some things
    	are just out of our control.
    
        My husband is very body conscious, and still has a hard
    	time reconciling my pregnant appearance with my low weight
    	gain.  It bothered me the first time around, but since I
    	know I have little control over the outcome, it doesn't 
    	phase me anymore.
    
    	Karen
    

    
    I've had 3 kids, and with each gained somewhere ~30-40lbs, most of it
    in the beginning, so I went through most of my pregnancies pretty
    heavy.  The only "fat" comment/action that I got with my first two, was
    from my brother who said "Gee, you can tell she's pregnant just from
    looking at her from BEHIND!".  Thanks Bro.  My husband never said a
    word.
    
    We've since split up, and 3 yrs ago I had another baby, different man.
    From this man I learned that "he thinks I'm fat" can be a very REAL
    thing.  With my 3rd child I actually gained a lot less weight than with
    the first 2, and the baby weighed 3 lbs more than the other two.  I was
    still "too fat" and he was COMPLETELY GROSSED OUT looking at me,
    touching me, any of that.  I got a very cold attitude something like
    "You stay over there and be pregnant and when this is all done, I'll
    see what I think".  Obviously this wasn't a very good relationship in
    the first place (and thankfully it's over now), but it was a reaction
    that I CERTAINLY didn't expect.  I think it's important to talk about
    because the feelings that it leaves you with are so overwhelming, add
    some hormones to make it worse.
    
    Here I was, carrying our child, supposedly one of the most wonderful of
    miracles, and rather than marvel in the wonder of it all, he was
    disgusted if he had to look at me.  And there wasn't a damn thing that
    I could do to look better, and I was mad/hurt/confused that I should
    even be expected to look better.  It's tough stuff to try to deal with
    when it's happening, so Please talk to him now.  I'm sure I wasn't
    beautiful, but there's a HUGE difference between thinking that, and
    SAYING that.
    
    BTW - with the older two, hubby had always been grossed out by women
    with fat stomaches.  Pretty verbal about it.  When I still had the
    pot-belly after our first son was born, I said something to the effect
    of "My stomach's too fat for you to like the way I look", and he was
    HORRIFIED that I'd suggest such a thing!  His response was something
    like "Well gee, we have a baby - of course you don't look the same!"
    and actually, I think he was a little perturbed that I'd think he'd be
    that shallow and not understanding ....
    
    They're all different .... but talking is key!
    
    -Patty
    

    
    
    I gained about 40-45 lbs with both pregnancies and I lost all the
    weight about 5-6 weeks after delivery. Yup, I looked huge, I felt 
    huge, *BUT* I was supposed to be huge! It was kind of scary the 
    first time around, but everyone reassured me that the weight would
    come right off. I did worry about being unattractive, but I couldn't
    do anything about it...The second time around, I didn't even have 
    time to worry. I just tried to eat well and not go overboard with
    food. It was temporary and I just had to ride the wave and wait it
    out!
    
    
    Eva

    I gained about 35-40 lbs with both of my pregnancies.  I held onto
    about 15 lbs.from my first pregnancy and lost it all after my second
    pregnancy after 5-6 months and with help from Weight Watchers.  Because
    I'm not a big person to begin with that amount of weight gain placed
    too much pressure on my back so that (especially with my first) I had
    difficulty walking for any length of time once I hit my 7th month.
    Therefore, I was unable to exercise much at all.  I went for short
    walks when I could - that was it.  I used to get ALOT of comments from
    people asking if I was carrying twins!!
    
    I also worried about being unattractive, but my husband didn't feel
    that way at all.  He tried boosting my self-esteem when it really
    seemed low and that helped alot.
    
    As many women have indicated it is usually temporary and if you try
    to focus on the fact that you are carrying this wonderful miracle
    inside of you it is all worth it in the end - believe me!
    
    
    Best Regards,
    
    /Karen