Conference moira::parenting

    Well, my mother tried to get me to take my son's away from the time he
    was about 18 months old.  We finally took it when he turned 4!  He used
    it constantly when he was young - till about 2, then bedtime only from
    then on.  We began talking about it when he was 3 about how we would
    give it up when he turned 4.  Funny - two days before his 4th birthday,
    he lost it.  We tried to convince him he could start early, but that
    was a no-go.  We had to give him his brother's spare for those last two
    nights.  It was very hard for him to get to sleep the first 2-3 nights
    after, but with a little extra patience on our part, he did succeed. 
    At the same time, my then 2 year old who wasn't as attached gave up his
    willingly.  It all depends on the child.
    
    As far as dental problems - we were concerned because his front teeth
    seemed to grow "around" the pacifier.  In other words, when he closed
    his jaw and his teeth came together the four front top teeth did not
    meet the bottom.  That did correct itself in time - especially since
    they were his baby teeth.  His second teeth started to come in on the
    bottom, but he still has his original top teeth and they do completely
    meet the bottom ones now.
    
    I personally see no problem with the kid having one as long as it stays
    in bed after the age of 2.  But that's my opinion.  I had mine until I
    was 4, too.  I have no dental mis-shapes and I'm a big girl now.  In
    fact, my teeth are in better shape than my sister (who sucked her thumb
    until the age of 12) - talk about overbite!!!
    
    -sandy

    You have to decide whether you want her to stop or let her stop on her
    own.
    
    If you want her to stop, then I would do it Cold-Turkey, You will most
    likely have a few days of as you said Freaking out but she will get
    over it.( Now the reason I say cold turkey is: My son went to Bed at
    night time and nap time with a bottle and the rest of the time he drank
    from a cup. I was expecting another baby in a few months and I wanted
    him to be off the bottle by the time the new baby arrived. I spoke with
    my doctor about how to do this and he said try cold turkey, but don't
    give in. So I tried it, He was very mad and it showed, but after 3 days he
    forgot all about the bottle. 
    
    Do other things to distract her.
    
    Good-Luck
    Lynne

    
    My daughter is 2 years 5 months.  I haven't even considered stopping
    her from using the pacifier.  She uses it at home only, and only when
    she is either very angry or is going to sleep/nap.  She doesn't use it
    at daycare to go to sleep, just has Tweety (or some stuff friend or a 
    book).
    
    Personally, I don't care if she uses it until she is 4+.  I feel she
    will eventually stop using it on her own.  She has already started
    talking about how her older cousin (6+) doesn't use a paci any more
    because he is a big boy, she brought the subject up on her own.  When
    she is ready, she'll let me know.  Sometimes she needs a little
    comforting and wants to do it on her own, her paci helps her. 
    Eventually she'll learn other ways.  I'll help her learn, but not take
    away anything until she wants to.  
    
    Just MHO.
    
    Rose Marie

    ahhhhh BINKIES !!!!
    
    	Our son Adam had his binky until he was about 19 months. He became
    *SO DEPENDENT* on it, that we took it away. Every time something
    wouldn't just go his way, he started crying and screaming for BINKY! He
    needed it for sleep, for naps, for books, for MEALS (in between bites).
    It was simply exhausting for my wife and I. At the end, he was a mess
    most of the day, crying, whining, you name it, for the binky. We had
    at least 5 or 6 of them. He would not go to sleep without 3 binkies.
    one for mouth, and one for each hand. 
    	That had to end. We tried weaning, such as only for naps, but he
    would cry and cry all day to get it. One day I came home from work and
    the first thing my wife said to me was that the doggie down the street
    had eaten all of Adam's binkies! (wink, wink!). We had a couple of
    rough starts to bedtime, but....
    	That kid's attitude changed 180 degrees! He was so much happier
    during the day! He started talking more, and just simply was a much
    happier kid! 
    	He'll be two in a few weeks, and hasn't even asked for it since the
    day after we took it away...
    
    	Cold turkey worked for us..
    
    Frank

    
    Patrick spit his out at 3 months of age. We took that as a sign and he
    never saw it again. Shortly afterwards he started sucking his fingers.
    At 1 1/2 yrs he still does it when he's tired, uncomfortable, or
    scared. We don't mind. He'll give it up when peer pressure takes
    effect. He won't chomp on his fingers hard enough to affect his teeth.
    
    Chris

    
    	I used the Binkky to wean my son from the bottle at 8mos.  He used
    the Binkky for a bout a month and just quit.  Alot of it was from my
    husband, he used to take the Binkky and put it in his mouth and spit it
    accross the room.  My son soon started doing the same thing and never
    saw the pacifier as a comfort tool an longer.  One time he spit it out
    the window on the freeway and I never bought another one. 
    	He did start to suck his thumb around 1.5 years but soon quit on
    his own.  The only problem I have now is he constantly has his fingers
    in his mouth.  Every one thinks he will out grow it soon.
    
    virginia

    We did it with Danielle, cold turkey! When she was 10 months old
    we went on vacation and did not bring it with us. She never missed it,
    as a matter of fact, she went to sleep easier than when she used it.
    As far as what age to take it away, IMHO, I don't like to see children
    3 and 4 yrs old walking around with them in their mouths. It just seems
    funny to me especially if they are off the bottle. At that age I would
    think they would be better off becoming attached to a blanket or
    stuffed animal.  Also, the reason for a pacifier from what I understand
    is to be used to quiet or soothe a restless baby. And after 2 yrs old,
    it doesn't really serve a purpose anymore.
    
    As with anything else, you should do what you or your pedi feel is
    right.
    
    Sorry to ramble.
    
    Sandy 

    All three of my children had pacifers and all three of them were weaned
    cold turkey at 6 months.  My pediatrician (who's had 3 generations of
    my family) said they only needed it for the sucking urge that all small
    babies have.  The first few nights without one was always rough but
    they adjusted just fine.  None of them suck their thumbs and none of
    them have any problems with their teeth since the pacifier was gone
    long before all their teeth arrived.
    
    I don't think toddlers need a pacifier but that's a decision each
    parent has to make on their own.  Whatever you decide to do you just
    have to stick with it.  Giving in will only confuse the child and
    you'll have your hands full trying to get them to listen.  (I learned
    that one the hard way)  :^)
    
    Kim

    I wonder at this age (I believe the basenoter said the girl is 2 yrs
    old) if it's possible to substitute another comfort item - a blanket or
    stuffed animal.  A lot of young children need something to comfort
    them, especially at transition times like naps and night time.  The
    question of whether it should be a pacifier or other item is what I
    would focus on.
    
    We just vacationed with my brother's family, including my almost 2 yr
    old and his almost 3 yr old.  My daughter gave up the pacifier at 9
    months and uses a blanket when she goes to sleep and occasionally when
    upset.  My niece still uses a paci and asks for it whenever she is
    tired, upset, or sleepy.  I was surprised at how the two of them
    reacted pretty much the same to stress, but personally I prefer to give
    a blanket than a pacifier.  When we haven't got a blanket with us, my
    daughter usually can cope.  Don't know about the pacifier.  And I don't
    have to worry about her teeth.
    
    Incidentally, my brother showed no signs of trying to remove the
    pacifier - guess she'll keep it until she's ready to give it up.
    
    Just my thoughts....   Mary
    
    

    Our 3 year old daughter Avanti still uses her pacifier at night for
    falling asleep and if she is terribly upset. She does not use it at
    daycare or during the day. We talked to our Pedi about it and she
    recommended not to take it away if it upsets her very much. She says
    that as she grows older and learns to cope when upset in other ways she
    will give it up on her own.  We try to discourage her as much as we can
    but do not push her. We rather have her use the paci than her thumb
    (she does not use her thumb at all).
    
    Shaila

    
    My daughter was almost 2 by the time we took her "binki" away (cold
    turkey). We went through about 3-4 days of "I want my binki" and then
    we didn't hear anything about it again. She was extemely attached to
    the pacifyer too....(had it all day, at bed, etc...)
    
    		jim s.
    
    
    p.s. - we never introduced my son to one (he's 10 months now). Am I
    glad...:)

    My son is 2.5, and still uses it to sleep at night.  I asked both my
    pedi and our family dentist (who has a large clientele of children)
    about the teeth issue, and they both said not to worry.  The dentist
    said if both my husband and I had overbites, then it was likely that
    our son would too, and the pacifier had nothing to do with it.  When I
    peak in on my son after has has gone to sleep, the pacifier is not in
    his mouth.  So I figure he uses it for about 30 minutes, tops, then it
    falls out.  He is such a good sleeper that I don't want to mess with
    his own personal regimen. I read every night before going to bed. If 
    someone tried to take my book away, I'd be very upset and I'd never fall 
    asleep! 

    The only reason I can see for taking away a pacifier is for the
    convenience of not having to keep track of it.  Other than that, who
    cares?  When the child gets embarrassed at still using it when no other
    kids that age are, he or she will drop it.
    
    Our eldest used his until he was 5. The next (4 in Dec) uses hers only to
    go to bed at night, occasionally in the car. The youngest (almost 3)
    never used one.
    
    Kit

Our kids hardly ever used a pacifier, and not at all after about 6 months,
so I had never heard the term Binky until we met our neighbor, who had one 
in her mouth *constantly* until age 4 1/2.  She learned to "talk" with it in 
her mouth, and as a consequence has severe speech problems.  

It seems to me that kids should not need it except at nap- and bedtime
after about 18 months.  They should *never* get in the habit of
talking with it in.  IMHO, of course.

Frank

    Never heard the term "binky". I like it. We use the above
    interchangably at home.
    Charlotte hated the suss after she was out of the hospital. Being
    colicky, I looked for anything that would do the trick of cutting
    off the volume as it were. Turns out her favourite pacifier for the 
    first 10 weeks was the joint of my little finger. and only MY pinky
    (tasted like Mom and was the right size too). The skin started 
    to become chafed and the knuckles started creaking on both of them,
    (and all during this time she was not interested in ANY of the 
    4 or 5 types of susses we had in the house)
    Then, she started her bout of early teething. Suddenly she was 
    incredibly pleased by the pacifiers. She sucks them so hard
    that the edge of the cup marks her face up (looks like a little clown
    when it's pulled out). Still she has her preferences as to type.
    likes the NUK brand for newborns.
    I feel a little guilty starting to give it to her now, especially
    when the "What to expect in the first year" book says you should 
    try to stop them from using them at 3 months (and not start!)
    but the teething seems to demand something - she's too young for 
    teething rings, as she cannot bite or hold anything properly yet.
    
    
    Monica

    Re: the 'term' Binky
    
    	Actually, the word 'Binky' was a brand name of pacifier. Sorta like
    how the word 'Kleenex' is used as a generic term for facial tissue,
    altho' it is really a brand name of tissue. 
    
    binky binky binky!
    
    Frank

    Hollis likes hers at bedtime, almost never uses it during the
    day.  We keep it (actually, them) in her crib.  I can't find
    her "panda Nuk" but after reading this file, I don't think I'll
    bother looking for it.
    
    If the child is only using it for bedtime, then I tend to feel,
    so what?  I sucked my thumb at bedtime till I was six.  The only
    difference between a thumb and a pacifier, to me, is that you
    can't leave your thumb at Grandma's house.

    I called mine "FIRE".  Imagine how my cousin freaked when I stood in my
    crib and screamed "FIRE" when I couldn't find the ol' sucker!!
    
    -sandy
    (My oldest called it a "ba", my youngest called it a "wire")
    memories....light the corners of my mind....misty water colored...oops!

    RE: a few back
    
    I don't think that a child should be restricted to use a pacifier ONLY
    at night during bedtime. It is a PACIFIER and not a sleep inducer. It
    is meant to PACIFY a child , like when upset. Of course, this is only
    my point of view. The fact that it helps a child fall asleep is one of
    its "benefits". It also is useful when a child is very upset and does
    not know of other ways to PACIFY her/himself. I have a friend in India
    who as a child (about 7-8 years of age) would suck on "nothing" when
    upset almost as if she had a pacifier in her mouth, only that she did
    not have it in her mouth. That seemed to calm her down when she was
    upset. I rather see my child with a paci in her mouth rather than her
    thumb which could (as I have been told) cause her front upper teeth to
    stick out (in some cases of course - I am not generalizing).
    
    I want to take my daughter's pacifier away from her but then I think
    about it and realize that the reason for this is not for her benefit
    but so that I can say that my child does not use the pacifier - quite
    selfish , eh?
    
    When I am really tired at the end of the week a glass of wine is
    something I like or I like to take a walk or go running if I feel
    stressed out. I think the pacifier is my child's equivalent of a glass
    of wine or a good walk or run.
    
    Now I got myself into recursive thinking:-)
    
    Shaila

    My daughter is just two.  She LOVES her Binky.  I know it's time to
    take it away from her.  I'm debating whether to make her go cold
    turkey or start by letting her only have it in our house.  I've 
    tried before and the whining always gets to me.  I'm such a sap.
    It's so nice to hear others have gone through the same Binky
    withdrawal problems!
    
    

    re .20 
    How do you know that it's time to take it away from her?
    
    I'm on my second child with a pacifier, and after seeing the first one
    willingly give it up himself at 2 yrs. 11 months I am encouraged to
    believe that kids will indeed give them up.
    
    I firmly believe that kids need something for security - some have an
    animal, others have a blanket or thumb. Mine have the "paci".
    
    I also believe in limiting it, such that they are not allowed to have
    it in their mouth when trying to talk. Also, with our older son we
    limited it to the crib for nap and bedtime - he wasn't allowed to have
    it when playing or whatever, after about age 1 year. If he wanted it,
    or got upset, he'd go sit in his rocking chair in his room, suck on it
    for a few minutes, then put it back and come out. I marveled at his
    ability to self calm.
    
    It's a tough call, but go with your gut.
    

    We found the pacifier issue to be one everyone had a strong opinion on. 
    My daughter Abbey used one until she was 3 -- as others have said,
    only when upset, going to sleep or in the car (when we HOPED
    she would go to sleep).  My family and neighbors would often comment,
    however, on when were we going to stop letting her use it.  Since the
    few times we didn't have one handy, she sucked her thumb, we felt that
    eventually pacifiers can go away, but thumbs last forever.
    
    Oddly, when her sister was born, Abbey announced she would give it to
    her.  (We never thought it would happen during such a high-stress
    time.)  The first night or two were hard -- I gave her a special doll of
    mine to sleep with (since she was such a big girl) that she had long
    admired.  That seemed to help, and made the transition more of an
    event.
    
    Taylor, the baby then -- now 18 months, also uses a pacifier at bedtime
    or when distressed.  In fact, she needs three, two to hold (a woman who
    plans ahead for emergencies).
    
    I hope this helps you out.  I guess I feel pretty strongly that
    whatever you and your child decide is fine -- don't let other people
    dissuade you from your instincts.  (BTW, our dentist said no need to worry
    until kids are about 4.)
                                       
    Lori
    needs three, two to hold (a woman who plans ahead for emergencies).

    I just went thru an experience last week with the pacifier.  My
    daughter is two and 3 months old.  Last week she told me she didn't
    want the pacifier anymore and by the way wanted me to buy her some big
    girl underpants.  I said fine, and she slept five nights without it...
    the only problem was that while she used the pacifier she was a great
    sleeper, sleeping 11 hours at night with a 3 hour nap during the day.
    Last week, she slept only 7 - 8 hours at night and refused to take her
    naps...needless to say she was a beast by 5:00 every day, as she was
    extremely over tired and exhausted.  She also, has been doing very well
    going on the potty and seems to be making great progress there.  Its
    funny that shes decided all this in one day.
    
    Anyway, I regret to say that my husband and I decided to give the
    pacifier back for naps and bedtime as WE couldn't deal with her lack of
    sleep.  I do agree with most noters here that in time, when she can
    find some other way to comfort herself she will again give it up on her
    own...until then we'll let her continue to use it as an aid to falling
    asleep.
    
    We'll concentrate more on the potty training for now.
    
    ps. any suggestions on alternatives to the pacifier for falling asleep?
    
    EMS

    
    > suggestions for alternatives to the pacifier for falling asleep?
    
    We took the pacifier away from our daughter three months ago (she is
    10 months now). She immediately took up with a little pink
    terry-cloth bear, a pillow, and a raggedy-ann doll. All three had
    been in her bed since birth, but she did not really use them for 
    comfort until we took her pacifier.  When we put her down to sleep, 
    she immediately plops on the pillow and grabs the bear. The
    bear gets slobbery-wet by morning. 
    Given enough choices, I think your baby will decide what she needs
    to fall asleep with. 
    
    doug
    

    Funny story.  My daughter got caught yesterday trying to take a 
    BINKY break at day care.  She's two and I've limited her BINKY intake
    to nap time and bed time.  She whines in between but is getting the 
    hang of it.
    
    Anyway, yesterday at day care, when she thought nobody was watching,
    she went over to her cubby hole that holds her lunch box with her
    BINKY inside, and proceeded to take out her BINKY and put her head
    in the cubby hole and took a BINKY break, hoping no one would see her.
    
    Of course, she looked pretty silly and was noticed.  When this
    happened, she proceeded to put her BINKY back in her lunch box
    and went back and joined the group.  Too Funny.  She LOVES her
    BINKY!
    
    
    
    

    re .25 ---
    
    I can hear it now...."No binky inside...you want to binky, you'll have
    to step outside, please."
    
    -sandy (where is that handy-cam when you need it)
    

    I don't see any problem for a 2 year old to have pacifiers.  However,
    if it really bothers her parents, I would suggest cold turkey.  She
    may be miserable for the first few days, but eventually she will be
    fine.  One thing I have noticed about my kids is it is a lot easiler to 
    break a habit before they turned 15 months old.  None of my kids take 
    pacifiers.  They also didn't thuck their thumbs.   They both did very 
    attach to the bottles.  Both times, I had them quit at 1 year old.  I 
    did it cold turkey.  And they didn't even notice.
    
    Wendy  

    
    re: .25
    
    I'm still laughing...  what a sight that must of been...!
    Would of won first prize on America's Home Videos!!
    
    Chris
    

    
    re: .25
	

    8')  Classic !    
    

    re: .25
    
    At my daughters daycare the children are not allowed to carry their
    blankets/stuff animals around with them during the day. They have to
    put them in their lockers when not in use.    Several times when I
    pick up Alicia I have seen children sitting in their lockers holding
    their comfort object and/or sucking their thumbs.  It is so cute to see
    them lined up.
    
    Angie

	I spent (probably too much) time trying to decide when to take 
	Andy's pacifier away.  He finally gave it up just before he was 
	ten months old.  I'll let you know what we did, and maybe that 
    	will help.

	Most of what I read said that six months is a good time for 
	them to break the habit.  So, I tried a few times to take it 
	away when he went down for his nap.  But he cried, sometimes 
	for an hour.  Just giving it back made him so much happier, 
	and he went right to sleep, that I didn't have the heart to 
    	keep it away.  

	At this stage, when he was starting to get around on his own, I 
	decided he could have it in bed only.  Personally, I think when 
	he had a pacifier at playtime, it distracted his attention from 
	exploring the rest of the world - because he had to make sure 
	his pacifier stayed nearby.

	At eight months, I tried to break him, cold turkey, again.  Again, 
	he screamed until he was exhausted.  Again, if I gave it to him 
	after a half hour, he was happy, content, and went right to sleep.

	At nine months, he figured out that if he threw it out of the 
	crib, mom, dad, or the babysitter would come in to give it 
	back.  Usually, we did.  But, I noticed if I was in the middle 
	of something, and didn't get in for ten or fifteen minutes, he 
	fell asleep anyway.

	At that point, I tried cold turkey again.  He fussed maybe ten 
	or fifteen minutes the first couple of days, and hasn't missed 
	it since.

	I've decided that it's best to leave it to the individual baby.  
    	Andy gave it up without a fight just before he was ten months.  
    	Before that, he never took to any particular toy, blanket, or 
    	other comfort item.  But, REALLY wanted that pacifier.  So, I 
    	had a hard time denying him the one item that helped him relax.
    
    	My suggestion is to try cold turkey a couple of times (HELP them 
    	try to give it up).  If it doesn't work, maybe the child just 
    	isn't quite ready.  At least that's what worked for us.

	Peggy

    
    	My son gave up his pacifier pretty much on his own around 6+ mos,
    	but now I am having doubts as to whether he needs one or not...?
    
    	Actually, I don't think I want to give him back his pacifier, but
        he seems to need "something" at different times lately. ??? At
        times he's tired but won't nap, or just "cranky" and only seems to 
    	be calmed with a bottle...(which I don't like using as a "pacifier"). 
    	There have been a few times we've allowed him a sm bottle of juice
    	in his crib for a nap when NOTHING else would work, but I try to
    	disscourage it. 
    
    	He just looks so lost occasionally, like he needs something, but he 
    	doesn't know what...???? (you know, when mom is just NOT enough).
    
    	When I feed him his last bottle at night we hold a recieving
    	blanket which helps, but its not something he would pacify himself
    	with during the day or if we are out for a walk...
    
    	I've been thinking of trying to force (not really FORCE) a stuffed
    	animal or something on him and see if he can get attached, or
    	should I just wait it out and see what happens...?
    
    	In the past couple of weeks I found him sucking his thumb a few 
    	times, but just maybe 1-3 times in a whole week...and not for long.
    	???? Guess he's tried it and its "no biggie" or he'd keep it up...
    
    	Should I be worried, or try to help him here, or just let it pass
    	????
    
    	Chris   (he's 11 mos)
    
    
    
    	

    Just some personal notes.  Take it or leave it, as you like...

    When my sister was born (1950) my mother decided not to use a pacifier. 
    My sister took the matter into her own mouth, so to speak, and sucked
    the corners of the silk bindings off all of her baby blankets.

    When I was born, 4 years latter, my mother replaced all the silk
    bindings and bought me a pacifier :-)  She says I gave it up on my own. 
    I got car sick one day, decided it was the pacifiers fault, tossed the
    pacifier out the car window and never asked for it again.

    My oldest, now 18, had a single pacifier.  She left it behind one day,
    asked for it once, but never again.  Since she's 18 now, I'm not sure
    if it is related not, but she now has a severe finger nail biting habit.

    My two youngest (4 & 5) both had a zillion pacifiers.  They were in
    every room, and both cars, at the sitters, in my pockets....  I still
    occasionally find one in a pocket or drawer.  They both stopped using
    them on their own.  But they both kept their bottles until what allot of
    people think is too old.  Neither of these to kids bite their finger
    nails, or suck their thumbs, or have "bad teeth", or any of the other
    things I have heard against pacifiers and bottles.

    re .32
    It's entirely up to you - you could consider giving him the pacifier if
    you have difficulty with him sucking his thumb.
    
    Another alternative might be to give him a doll or animal to cuddle
    with - that might be enough comfort for him to get to sleep and 11-12
    months is sometimes the time that they will take to an animal and/or
    blanket.  My younger son is now 13 months and will often wake up from
    nap with his pacifier, clutching a blankie and an animal!
    

    In spite of all the "good" advice I got from family and friends
    regarding taking David's pacifier away from him, I held firm to my
    belief that he needed it for some reason, and since he only used it to
    wind down in his bed at night (not for naps), it wasn't doing much
    harm. Bingo!  Sunday, just 1 month after his 3rd birthday, I started
    to hand it to him as I tucked him into bed.  He said "Mommy, I don't
    need that anymore. Throw it in the trash." And he hasn't said a thing
    about it since.  I was beginning to thing he'd have it until he went to
    college : )  I didn't throw it away, for some odd reason...maybe it was
    the last hint of the baby in him?  
    Sarah 

    Sarah - My kids are 5 and 7 and I have two pacifiers in my house.  My
    oldest was coerced at 4 to give it up and his brother (then 2) gave his
    up at the same time.  The other day I was cleaning the cabinet and came
    across them - Kyle wanted to have his back - so I gave it to him.  He
    definately lost his taste for it!!!  Gave it right back!
    
    -sandy
    

    From birth to 4 months Chelsea hated her pacifier and showed all signs
    of being a thumb sucker.  She went into daycare at 4 months and that
    first week for her was pretty stressful.  That weekend she was totally
    out of sorts and I was having a hard time comforting her.  I took out
    the pacifier and set in the rocking chair holding her in a
    breastfeeding position...she latched on to that thing like it was a
    part of her.
    
    At 8 months now she tends to take her pacifier at fussy times and at
    bedtime.  I go in about an hour after she falls asleep and pull it out
    of her mouth if it already hasn't fallen out.
    
    Lately, Chelsea has been waking up around 4am and I sneak into her room
    and slip the pacifier into her mouth....doing this in a totally dark 
    room is always fun...kinda feel around for a nose and eventually find
    the mouth.  She will then go back to bed for another 2 hours.
    
    I'm so glad she finds a sense of comfort in her pacifier.  Its like
    gold to me when we are going thru sick and teething spells.  I figure
    when the time is right she will let me know when she is done with it...
    and I promised Daddy that she would not walk down the wedding aisle
    with it in her mouth!
    
    ...Lori

    This is exactly what we do. (BTW Lori, we have a very dim nightlight
    in the room, just enough to see what baby is doing and where she
    is - otherwise who knows where she and the pacifier end up).
    During Big Fuss times, (i.e. Teething) we have a bowl of very cold 
    water we dump the susses into, and everytime she starts to howl,
    we put another fresh cold suss into her mouth and drop the one she's
    just lost back into the bowl. This will quite her down in two or 
    three swaps.
    I admit though, I am not terribly fond of it, and wish that it were
    not such an effective tool - that way we'd not consider it an
    option, but as it is.....
    
    
    Monica

    I have a NUK pacifier in the crib for Christopher - no little handle -
    but it glows in the dark.! I bought it at Ames.
    

    Ahhh, but how long does the "glow" last?  I would think it's useless at
    4am
    
    -sandy
    

    Lori and Monica, it must be a born in May '92 baby thing, Sarah is
    exactly the same.  I won't give her the pacifier unless she's really
    unhappy, not often, and at night she likes to fall asleep with it.  It
    really is funny to watch.  I'll lay her down in the crib, cover her
    with the blankets, she'll lay her head down and then I'll see her arm come
    out from under the blankets and reach around until she can find the
    pacifier.   The next time I check on her it's usually out of her mouth
    and I move it away.  Sometimes she'll startle in the middle of the
    night and if she hasn't quieted down within a minute I know she's
    either wedged across the crib or the pacifier has slipped down towards
    the end of the crib; then it's Mom to the rescue.
    
    It's been tough the past few nights, Sarah's had a really bad cold and
    has been breathing through her mouth.  Well, she tried to breathe and
    fall asleep with the pacifier and found it very frustrating not to be
    able to do both at the same time.
    
    Susan

    Must be those May Babies!!
    
    Monica...we have a dim nightlight too in the room, but it still is
    awfully dark...sometimes I turn on the hall light, but then to much
    filters into the room and those little eyes start to open a little
    to much!
    
    At first I hated the idea of Chelsea having a pacifier...but I realized
    that this was my problem....not hers.  Its like I didn't want her to
    look like a baby with it and then in dawned on me "She is a Baby!"...
    amazing concept!  When I thought of all the adjustments these precious
    little jewels go thru from the time they are birthed and all the
    growing pains and joys ahead of them...it seems perfectly fine to me to
    let them find comfort in anything...safety first!  If its not the paci,
    its going to be something..i.e. blanket, fingers, stuffed animal....and
    it really does make me feel good to know that it brings her a sense of
    security and comfort.
    
    Your right about the colds....its a real tough one when they want it
    and get so frustrated about not being able to suck and breath at the
    same time.
    
    ...Lori
    
    

    My grandson Andrew is now 3, and his "security" item is his blanket. 
    He did use a pacifier when younger.  Now, his sister Kaitlyn, 4 months,
    has hers.  The biggest problem is that she tends to pull it out of her
    mouth and then cry for it.
    
    We will be taking both of them for a week at the end of the month while
    my daughter takes a long-needed vacation.  We anticipate short nights,
    but lot's of fun.
    
    Lee

    You're right - it doesn't glow at 4 am.....
    

Count me in the let them give it up on their own camp. 

We somewhat rushed my daughter out of hers and now at almost 5 she is a 
very heavy thumb sucker (along with some other disgustingly related habits).

My son Chris wouldn't go anywhere without his "binky", nor was sleep possible
without it. Last month, for reasons we'll never know, he decided he didn't
need it anymore. About two weeks later, he found one kicking around the
room. He put it in his mouth, made a face, then gave it to his Mom saying;
"Throw this away Mommy. I'm a big boy. I don't need it anymore."

Don't worry about it. With the exception of the latest college craze, how
many kids do you see taking pacifiers to school after first grade?

						Mark

    What is the current thinking on soothers, aka dummies. I seem to
    remember some years ago the medical opinion was anti their usage.
    
    Are there any good and bad ones? i.e. what type or makes to go for and
    which one to avoid.
    
    Are there any safety Standards? e.g. BSnnnn or ISOnnnn.
    
    Apart from own brand the only makes that I have seen locally are MAM and
    Avent (sp???).
    
    All opinions gratefully received. Thanks in advance.
    
    Perwesh
    
      

    Are you thinking of "pacifiers"?  
    
    Most doctors don't really approve of them; most parents/caregivers
    can't live without them.  Seems that babies will always suck on
    SOMETHING to soothe themselves, be it fingers, thumb, pacifier, 
    or whatever.  My 5-year-old is still a finger-sucker; my daughter
    prefers her pacifier, but in a pinch will use her thumb.  
    
    You have to do what is best for you, your baby, and the rest of the
    family.  Just be on guard -- don't develop the habit of popping the
    pacifier (soother/dummy) into the baby's mouth without first trying to
    find out what else might be wrong: a wet/soiled diaper, tired, hungry,
    bored, wants a cuddle, teething, general misery.
    

    I was speaking to a parent at lunch the other day, and mentioned that 
    Charlotte still likes to use a pacifier, but ONLY when sleeping. He
    said someone told him a trick that worked to wean his kids from
    using it.
    
    He said poke a hole in it, and the kids will not be interested, because
    the sucking will not be as effective.
    
    Well, I'm a little surprised; it is that simple? ;-). I don't really
    want to try this right now, since Charlotte is working on her eye teeth
    (molars in already!) and has her first cold since March. I don't want
    to give her another reason to wake all three of us at night!
    
    Monica
    

    I was concerned when Avanti did not want to wean off her pacifier even
    when she was approaching 4 yrs. She used it only at nite in her bed
    since she was 18 months old. 1 month before her 4th birthday I told her
    that she should think about getting rid of her pacifier on her 4th
    birthday since she was a big girl. She thought about it for 30 seconds,
    walked over to the trashcan and threw her pacifier, never to look back.
    
    Neel (15 months) has not asked for his pacifier since yesteday morning.
    
    I did not want to take the pacifiers away since the pedi said that it
    was some kids way of dealing with frustration, pain (teething) or
    simply "pacifying" themselves and that we should not try to break it at
    the cost of the child's "peace". If Charlotte is not bothered by the
    loss of the pacifier then great but if she really needs it let her
    decide when she wants to get rid of it since the thumb can always act
    as a substitute and then you can't take that away :-)
    
    The answer to your real question :-) - I have not heard of this trick.
    Not sure what the answer is.
    
    Shaila

    Well, we had a 4 year old with a hole in his pacifier - who insisted on
    a new one!  Maybe it would work if they are young enough not to understand 
    that broke can be fixed/replaced.
    
    -sandy
    

    	A hole in a pacifier would allow saliva (And mouth bacteria) to
    breed *inside* of the pacifier. This lovely swamp could then be sucked
    out each night only to be allowed to regrow each day.

    	There must be a better way.

    				Wendy	

    you're right, Wendy, but I had envisioned that the childen would
    loose interest QUICKLY. And if it takes several days, perhaps boiling
    the thing once a day????
    
    Monica

    Both of my boys used one.  Chris gave his up on his 2nd birthday, after
    a lot of preparation, and explaining that he was a "big boy" now and
    didn't need it any more etc etc.  He asked for it a few times after his
    birthday, but was pretty much fine with it.
    
    Jason (always the challenge!) on the other hand, AGREED that he would
    give it up on his second b.day, went fine until that night, when he
    couldn't sleep, and pretty much just couldn't deal with giving it up
    yet.  We tried unsuccessfully for the next year, and went through the
    same ritual for his third birthday, with the same results.  A few
    months after that, and at the same time my babysitter's (also) 3-year
    old daughter gave up her pacifier, Jason gave up his.  He still
    occassionally wanted it, and would cry some for it, but after a few
    weeks he got along fine without it.  I think that we bought him a
    stuffed animal to "replace" it.
    
    My biggest concern was in getting rid of the bottles .... Jason was
    done with his at 13 months, Chris at 11 months.  As with the pacifiers,
    for Chris there was no looking back.  For Jason, he went back and forth
    for a few weeks before he adjusted to it.  Different personalities I
    guess.  I just hate the sight of a 3-year old walking around chomping
    on a nipple with a bottle hanging out of their mouth.  Theirs were
    always used for FOOD, and not for comfort - the pacifier was for
    comfort.  It also seemed to me that after about 15 mos, if the child
    wasn't off the bottle, everyone I'd talked to said it was almost
    impossible to wean them till about 3.  TOO LONG for me to be washing
    bottles! (-:
    
    Don't know about the hole-in-the-pacifier trick, but I DO know that one
    of the times we tossed out all of Jason's pacifiers, that night he was
    digging in the trash to try to find one.  If they're not ready, they're
    just not ready, and as it was pointed out earlier, you can't take their
    thumb away!!  I went to school with a girl who sucked her thumb till
    she was in about 2-3rd grade.  Just couldn't stop.  
    
    With #3 on the way, there's already an asst of pacifiers awaiting his
    arrival .... hopefully we can catch this one by the time he's 2 -
    there's just too many pics of Jason where half his face is hidden by
    his pacifier )-:
    
    Good Luck!  

    We had the same experience that Shaila did - shortly before Ryan's 3rd
    birthday I suggested that he think about getting rid of the pacifier.
    Without a second thought he told me to throw it away. That night he
    said we should probably go to CVS and buy a new one (we didn't) and
    never asked again. When his brother Christopher was born 7 weeks later
    and started using a pacifier, Ryan wasn't even interested - simply
    remarked that he used to use one as a baby too!
    
    

    My sitter has said that Hollis really shouldn't be using the pacifier
    during the day, because she (a) doesn't need it and (b) it's starting
    to have a bad effect on her talking, which isn't very good to begin
    with.  Hollis hadn't used it during the day for a long time.  One
    morning right before Christmas, she popped it in her mouth right before
    we left the house, and I was tired and hassled and didn't want to cope
    with what probably would have been the third tantrum of the morning, so
    I didn't take it out of her mouth, thinking that she would spit it out
    when she got to Elaine's.
    
    Well, things have just gone from bad to worse, so finally we decided
    that we'd tell Hollis that she could only have the "Nuk" at bedtime.
    Oh, did she ever scream.  She got up around 6:45, and Mike suggested
    that she leave her Nuk in the crib -- and when I left for work at 7:15,
    she was still sobbing.  And so was I.  (Thankfully Mike decided to be
    the villain this time!!)
    
    I am afraid it's going to be a long weekend.  What are some
    "distraction" techniques that I can use on a little miss who just
    turned 2.5?  She really does not need the Nuk during the day.  One of
    my nephews used his Nuk all the time, till he was past 4, and I don't
    want to go through that, either.  I feel bad for my baby girl, but I
    don't like the idea of her having a Nuk in her mouth all day, either.
    
    I'm afraid it's going to be a long weekend....

    how old is Hollis? (Is there teeth coming in or a possible comfort
    issue involved?)
    
    Monica

    Sarah (20 mos) went through something similar a couple of months ago. 
    Usually she just uses the pacifier at bedtime, and it falls out of her
    mouth during the night, but for some reason she really wanted her
    "paci".  It was really hard to hear her crying but we (husband, myself
    and babysitter) stuck to our guns and told her it was for nap and
    bedtime only.  I don't know what triggered this, she wasn't getting any
    teeth and she wasn't sick, just a phase.  She will still, when we're
    not looking, put her pacifier in her mouth, but she willingly gives it
    up when asked.  As far as speaking with the pacifier in her mouth I
    tell her that I can't understand when she speaks with it in her mouth;
    out the pacifier pops and she repeats whatever she has to say.
    
    Does she have a favorite stuffed animal or doll that she can cuddle
    with when she's feeling the need for the pacifier, sometimes Sarah's
    favorite bear will diffuse her.
    
    Good luck,
    Susan

    .56 -- Hollis is 2.5.
    
    .57 -- She's got a Barney and a Baby Bop, along with about a thousand
    other stuffed animals.  I wonder if just generally paying a lot of
    attention to her would help?  Play games, cuddle together, anything to
    take her mind off her beloved Nuk??
    
    I'm not looking forward to this weekend _at all._

How did this weekend go with the pacifier?

I realize this response is a little later than what you needed.  What
we did with our daughter was allow her pacifier only when she was in
bed.  If she decided she needed her pacifier, we would put her in
her crib (and later she could climb into her bed herself).  When she
was done, she could call us and we would help her out.

This gave her some of the control she was craving (and at 2, control
is frequently a big issue for them) while still setting well-defined
limits.



For my part - I am now wondering how long this approach is appropriate.  
My daughter is almost 4 and still needs her pacifier to sleep and 
during times of stress.  If she is really really upset about something
(which usually only happens when she is over-tired) she will run upstairs
to her room for a "binky fix". 

Part of me is worried that I should really get her out of this habit.
But then part of me feels that I am only responding to social pressures
and there is no real reason for me to make her give up her comfort object.
Has anybody else let their child use a pacifier this long?  I swear
I think this kid will be taking her pacifier to college with her.

    Steven used his pacifier until he was 3.5 yrs old.  
    We were told by his dentist at his 3 yr visit that he needed 
    to get rid of the binky because it was effecting his bite.  We
    tried to get him to give it up, but were unsuccessful.  
    
    He used the binky only at home, not daycare (ever).  But
    it seemed the minute he walked into the house, he'd go
    grab his binky.  On weekdays it seemed I never saw him
    without that thing in his mouth.
    
    What finally worked for us was peer pressure...and several
    comments about "when are you going to throw that binky in
    the trash?"  Finally, Mother's Day weekend I said teasingly
    that I was going to throw it in the trash and he said "No!
    I'll do it" and he did and he never asked for it again.
    
    I would think at age 4 your child be just about ready
    to give it up on her own.  I know that my son is even more
    conscious of what his friends think than he was when he
    gave up the binky several months ago.
    
    Good luck!  
    Linda

   Personally, I don't see a problem with pacifiers.. I mean, everybody
   has some release valve, right?  
   
   Frankly, I think the pacifier is almost easier to deal with... my 3yr
   old uses her thumb... now, just how would I even attempt to control
   that?!  I can't very well tell her to "leave it on her dresser", or
   anything else that would work for a pacifier, right?
   
   I recall reading an article about this issue... it talked about people
   with habits like this... they even talked about a couple of people who
   were college age who still sucked their thumbs occasionally - not
   enough to be a problem, but if things got really stressful, they would
   go back to their rooms, curl up in bed and "pull out" their thumb for
   a couple of minutes... sort of a personal safety valve for them.  This
   wasn't considered a problem - I suppose they might have been a little
   embarassed if someone had seen them, but they were discrete and it
   didn't happen often.
   
   Anyway, I guess my point is this - I think that Carol Fleury (it was
   Carol, right?) hit it on the head... its more a social pressures issue
   than a real problem, in my opinion anyway.
   
   My oldest is nearly 5, and she still uses her pacifier to fall asleep
   and during stress/over-tired times.  She has a quota for the day
   related to "binky usage".  She knows how to set the timer on the
   microwave, and she knows how many "3-minutes" she can use all day.
   She rations this out herself and when she has used them all up, she
   knows she is done until bed time.   Some days she will use up all but
   1 before lunch (she usually manages to save 1 for later) and some days
   she doesn't even think about it until the end of the day.  She can't
   leave the house with her binky, and unless its been a really busy day,
   she doesn't usually manage to use up her whole quota.

   Anyway, whatever works for your family is probably what's best for
   your family... you may find someone else's methods and opinions very
   valuable, but you are the one who has to live with the results, so I
   believe it boils down whatever works for you.
   
   Regards,
   
   - Tom

    
    true confession time.  I sucked my  thumb (at night) until the
    sixth grade.  For the record, I had *no* dental problems, so it is
    possible.
    
    My 4 yr old still needs her binky at night and when stressed.  We;ve
    tried to get her to transfer the comfort she gets to a stuffed animal
    or blanket, or similar, but it just doesn't work.
    
    What we have done, like another noter mentioned, is to limit it to bed
    times - nap and night, and those times when she wants to limit herslef
    to her room.  I absolutely expect peer pressure will solve the problem.
    I'd rather it happen as she is ready to give it up, or transfer
    to another source of comfort, then to force it. 
    
    I'm pretty laid back about this; there's too many other things to worry
    about, IMO.
    
    Jadm 

    Well, add my voice to the chorus.  Gina is 3-1/2 and uses the binky to
    sleep and when she "needs!" it.  Our rule is that it stays in her room
    and as long as she wants it she has to stay in there.
    
    Lately she's been saying that she'll give it up when she is 4.  Since
    we'll have a new baby in the house at that time, I am not going to
    pressure her then.  
    
    She uses a blankie too, but the two have always been used in
    combination.  I'm sure it's an association like being in a bar and
    smoking after you've given that up.  
    
    I just don't get worked up over it.  Her teeth are already a problem
    and her pediatrician says that a pacifier is preferred over the thumb,
    so I don't want to have her transferring her need to the thumb.
    
    Some people are just more oral than others, and she is one of them. 
    (So am I...)
    
    judy

    Actually, we had a pretty good weekend.  We decided that Hollis
    could have her Nuk but *only in her crib.*  You need a Nuk break,
    you go in your crib.  So far, so good.  I made extra efforts to
    do things with both kids this weekend, and I guess Hollis was having
    so much fun that she decided she didn't need Nuk-Nuk as much as she
    thought!
    
    SHe is welcome to use it in her crib/bed for as long as she needs to,
    but we are all a lot happier without seeing it in her mouth all day
    long.
    
    Thank you all for your concern.

    
    
    	Billy (6 month) never would take a pasifier, he prefers is
    	two middle fingers. More so when he is tired and a nap or bed
    	time. 
    
    	The real problem  is getting Stephen (6 years) to stop playing
    	with his penis. He can be anywhere, and he'd have to constantly be
    	told over and over to leave his penis alone.
    
    	Is this only a little boy thing? Do they all go through it??
    
    		Bill

re: .65

>        Is this only a little boy thing? 

Absolutely.  I've never heard of a little girl playing with her penis.  ;^)

Seriously, see topic 661.  I've copied your note into that topic, so you can
get some feedback there.  You'll note that it's an issue with both boys and 
girls.  

If anyone  want to reply to the fondling of the genitals issue, please 
respond in topic 661.  If anyone  wants to continue the pacifier discussion, 
please do it in this topic.


Clay Satow
co-moderator

    Well I really didn't have any cutoff date for when Chelsea might be
    ready to get off her pacifier.  Chelsea started using a pacifier at
    4 months, never was interested in one before that time.  It was just
    after she went into daycare and I know having a complete schedule
    change thru her off.  I had already stopped breastfeeding and couldn't
    calm her down, so I brought out the one binky I had saved...it was
    love at first sight.
    
    I always monitored her usage of it, meaning that she could have it at
    naps and bedtime, in the car if she needed it and if she was teething
    or sick.  I didn't leave them around the house so she could just pop
    one in her mouth as she got older.
    
    At about 15 months I started to wean her off it during car rides.  I
    just offered extra comfort items and snacks.  This seem to do the
    trick, because after two months she never had it in the car.  So we
    were down to naps and bedtime.
    
    Well opportunity knocked at 18 months.  Chelsea got really sick with
    a bad cold and flu.  She wanted nothing to do with her binky, because
    she couldn't breathe with it in her mouth.  It was also during the
    Thanksgiving Holiday and I had taken time off.  After 5 nights without
    her binky, I did decide "Why turn back now".  She wasn't night waking
    and didn't seem to be missing it.  After two weeks I think she realized
    something was gone and I do admit it got a little tough.  I still
    wasn't about to turn back after this much time has passed.  
    
    We did go thru a period of night waking, but it didn't last long.  My
    pedi just said to give her extra comfort items and since she it really
    attached to her silky, I just thru a couple extra in the crib each
    night.  There have been a few rough nights where I have been really
    tempted to pull the two (I saved for her hope chest!) out and give it
    to her, but I didn't and I'm glad.
    
    Now its been two months and she seems totally adjusted to being without
    it.  I think as a parent you just have to do what feels right for you
    and your child, but if the opportunity knocks you might want to
    consider if its a good time for both!
    
    ..Lori

    I guess I lucked out sort of... my husband and I really wanted to get
    my son off the pacifier (just because it was a pain to carry around and
    try to keep clean).  My son was 15 months old at the time, and
    one night I simply asked if he was big boy now and was he ready for
    mommy to put the binky away... FOREVER?  and he nodded - so i did it.
    Never heard a word about it.  Not a fuss.  Now he points out the
    babies who have binkies and is so proud.  He's now 2 (hard to believe).
    
    I think if you do want to take a pacifier away (if you feel the need
    to)... the earlier the better.  The older they get, the more attached
    they become, and the more able they are to ARGUE the issue.
    
    Julie