Conference moira::parenting

    Off the top of my head: Could it have been the time change? If he's a
    sensitive kid it may have been enough to throw him off a little.
    
    Sue
    

    
    this will probably sound crazy, but without fail, I can peg
    my son's mood swings or sleepless nights to the full moon.
    our babysitter used to work as an LPN in a nursing home -
    she agrees wholeheartedly - said that elderly were especially
    cranky around the full moon.
    
    carol

    .2, you are NOT crazy -- I do a lot of driving, and I can tell if it's
    a full moon just by the way people act behind the wheel.
    
    Yeah, I wondered if the time change had anything to do with it, too...
    have anyone else's kids "suffered" with the switch?  
    
    I am glad to know that other kids have mood swings, too.  Sometimes I
    feel like people expect so much of my little bear cub, and I never know
    if their expectations are realistic or not.  Of course, my parents
    expected nothing short of perfection, so....James is doing stuff in
    nursery school that I don't remember doing till kindergarten/first
    grade.  Cutting out Easter basket shapes and gluing eggs to it. 
    Writing his name (I know for a FACT that I was not able to do this till
    I was closer to 5.5).  Being expected to color within the lines
    (something I still don't do too well).  
    
    With regard to behavior, how mature is a just-turned-5-year-old
    supposed to be?  Sometimes I get the impression that people think "he's
    too old to cry" when he's frustrated.  I agree that the crying should
    diminish as he gets older and can reason better, but don't all kids
    cry?  What are some realistic expectations of a 5-year-old?  I do feel
    sometimes as if people are pushing him -- it may be because he's so
    bright.

I've found that kids vary so much it's difficult to pin down exactly what they 
should be doing.  My oldest son was reading by age 4.  My second son couldn't
read until 5 and a half.  On the other hand, my second son knew his 
multiplication tables when he was three and a half...

Generally, a 5 year old is in kindergarten.  He should know his letters and be
able to write them (or most of them).  Some 5 year olds can read, others learn
while in the first grade.  He should be able to sit in his seat and be attentive.
He should be able to follow multiple directions ("Put your name at the top of
the paper, fill it out, and put the paper on my desk when you're done.")
A five year old should be able to write his name.

Kindergarten children spend a lot of time working on coloring within the lines,
cutting things with scissors, and gluing them down.

I expect a 5 year old to cry.  Not every minute, but especially when he's 
frustrated.  Heck, *I* cry when I'm frustrated, too!  :-)

Sounds to me like you have a normal, healthy 5 year old boy..

    I read parts of "Your 3 Year old" (they're part of a series, one for
    each year). One discussion helped me tremendously in understanding my
    son Ryan. It talked about children going through cycles of development,
    that last roughly 6 months (I've noticed the swing every 4 months or
    so) - they go through a period of what's called equilibrium - feeling
    competent at activities, able to communicate in their own way and be
    understood; and then swing into a phase of disequilibrium, where
    they're learning/assimilating new skills, developmentally and socially.
    During the phase of disequilibrium, the child tends to be more
    frustrated, moody and really working hard at mastering new skills.
    
    I have found this to be exactly the case with Ryan, who is now 4 and
    3/4 yrs. When he's mastering new skills his energy all goes into that,
    and he's socially more reclusive and somewhat moody.  When he's
    at a more balanced stage, he's seems able to communicate more easily.
    
    I try to be consistent in dealing with him, and also try to recognize
    when he seems to be shifting phases. I remind him to use words with me
    and tell me how he feels, and explain to him often that I can't
    understand what he's feeling unless he tries to tell me.
    
    Lynn
    

Well, count me as one who doesn't believe in the "full moon" theory.  I've 
never seen any sort of scientifically conducted experiment that verifies it. 
But I do think that the time shift could have something to do with it, 
especially if he had to wake up on Sunday (for example for church) on "clock" 
time and not on "body" time.  Additionally, his body clock may cause him not 
to be ready to go to sleep quite as early, which aggravates the sleeping 
problem.

There's also the possibility of a mild cold.  And there's the possibility 
that the warm weather has caused something to start pollinating, or the warm 
weather combined with the dampness has caused mold to grow, and he's allergic 
to the pollen or mold.

Clay

    Markus has always gotten moody and he's twelve.  Lately it seems to be
    an attention getting exercise.  Sometimes it has to do with something
    bad that he has done and can't quite bring himself to tell me yet. 
    Other times it is something that has been done to him and he doesn't
    know how to handle it and can't bring himself to ask for help.
    
    The trick is to figure out which one of these things it is :-)  Then we
    deal with it.  But sometimes I can't get it out of him and then I just
    give him extra attention.  Sometimes, when I'm really frustrated, I'll
    tell him to either tell me what's wrong or quit walking around with
    such a long face.  Or once, you may be angry/sad/frustrated but that's
    no reason to be rude.
    
    Once I discovered that he thought a long melancholy face made him more
    grown up.  He went around talking in this tiny sad voice and everyone
    kept saying what? pardon?  Took me awhile to figure that one out :-)
    
    Cheryl

    
    I'm not sure about the full moon effect, but * *do* know we were ALL up
    last tuesday night...  :-(
    
    as for 5.5 being somehwta too old to cry - sure glad *I* didn't know
    about that last week - what a frustrating week it was!
    
    
    Jamd
    @>-;--

RE:  .5  Kids moving thru equilibrium/disequilibrium phases


Thanks for describing this.  It is exactly what I've observed, but didn't
really see.  It makes a lot of sense.

Elise has this pattern where for a time, she's fine, she's cool, she's happy,
she dances all the time.  Life is good.

Then there's the time when she all of a sudden can do new things, but gets
frustrated easily, or challenges us alot.  We just entered one of those, 
and in the last week she learned to button her buttons and cut with
scissors.  Her play has changed to far more complex activities, and she
is both sleeping more and having problems doing so.  (I suspect daylight
savings time for the sleeping problems).  She's also going wild with potty
training.

I usually try to handle this by raising my expectations of her, but for things
she is easily capable of doing.  Stuff like helping put groceries away,
pairing up her socks, etc.  Useful stuff.

Pat

    Kate,
    
    My son Dan is 5, nearly 5.5, and he sounds very like your guy. 
    I have spent many nights discussing with my husband whether the
    cause of his mood could be one thing or another. Lately I've 
    decided that sometimes I just can't get to the root of it. I got
    so frustrated trying to figure out the source, that I realized I
    was not really listening to him, and helping him deal with the 
    feelings that he had.
    
    An example: for two days running, he came home from school with
    stories about all the wrongs that had been done to him. Every kid
    in his class had been mean to him, his teacher wouldn't let him
    get a drink of water, he fell on the playground because someone
    pushed him, etc. I knew for a fact that some of the incidents 
    happened months or even years ago, and I also knew that he had been 
    mopey at home for several days. So I tried to just listen 
    sympathetically, with my best "active listening" techniques, and 
    let him blow off steam and then move on to something more positive,
    like a project we could do at home. After a few days he came out of
    the mood -- but I'm sure it will return.
    
    I agree that the world asks a lot of a 5-year-old, and I have to
    remind myself that he's still so young, because I ask a lot of him
    too. And he cries all the time (and he's *loud*)! On the other
    hand, he has really learned to read in the last several months and
    he is thrilled with himself. He's making so many gains, and maybe
    the moodiness is part of the price.
    
    Lucy