Conference moira::parenting

    Dottie, reading what you have related has made me too infuriated.  What
    would I have done?  Initially I'd have tried talking to the "rowdies",
    if that doesn't work try a call to 9-1-1 and report the behavior to the
    authorities.  Let the men/women with badges tell them their behavior is
    unacceptable.  Follow this up with either a call or letter (or both) to
    the town Selectmen's or town manager's office.  File it as a formal 
    complaint, and request it be an agenda item at the next meeting.  Request 
    frequent marked patrol cars in the area.  Sometimes  not only do you
    have to cite a problem but offer a possible solution.
    
    Auburn has a similar type playground, and to date there has been no
    behavior of this type.  I can only wonder what Auburn is doing to keep
    its playground so well maintained, and the users "polite".  They also
    have installed an iron gate to prevent after hours access, and a couple
    pretty nasty speed bumps at the entrance.
    
    Lyn
    

    This stuff started happening right after we completed the
    playground in our area.  It was a 'Bob Leathers' playground very
    much like what you described.  It was a community effort to
    build this thing and took us a few days to build.  Anyway, the
    local teenagers started beating on it right after it was up and
    after dark would use it as a 'party spot'.  Well, after all the
    effort the community put into collecting money and building this
    thing we weren't about to let a bunch of juvenile delinquents
    destroy it.  So, we had the police patrol that area before and
    after dark.  This seemed to put an end to the destructive behavior
    as well as the partying.  It's been 4 years now and the park is
    still in great shape.
    

    Well, thinking at a distance and after the fact...
    
    I would have gone up on the structure myself, and gotten in the way of
    the "rowdies".
    
    Would have perhaps talked loudly to the children -- Watch out!, Get out
    of the way, rude people coming! and generally made a scene myself.
    
    Or I would have gone home steaming mad...
    
    JR

    Probably depends on how many adults were there.  It's alittle
    intimidating, no matter how mad you are, to address a group of unruly
    teenagers.  LAst week I was at McDonald's with my son, and a couple of
    older teenage boys descended on the play area and took over the
    ball-pool thingy (can't remember what it's called). After a couple of
    kids were terrorized for trying to play, I decided to forego speaking
    to the management and "speak" to these kids myself.  I knew it was
    safe, since I could hear several other parents grumbling about the big
    kid, and I knew if I got any flack I would have some back-up.  I told
    them this areas was designed for little kids, and I thought older kids
    would be more intelligent and creative to find something else to do
    instead of playing with baby toys.  Actually I said something like "10
    or 11 year olds", knowing full well they were older than that. 
    Apparently that insulted them and embarrassed them to think they were
    being called "little kids", and they left.  If I were alone in a
    playground with my son, I would not have been so bold.  I would have
    just left and complained to the parks dept. or whoever might manage the
    place. 
    Sarah

    I can't believe this happened.
    
    Last night ALL the cars in our neighborhood had something stolen.
    We lost a couple radar detectors and three cases of cassettes.
    One of the other neighbors lost her bank book as well as some
    medication.
    
    Now this is a very quiet country neighborhood.  When I spoke to
    the police officer this morning he informed me that they almost
    caught the "kid".  He said one of the neighbor kids, 13 years old
    woke up during the night and caught "this kid" rummaging thru his
    mother's car and the kid took off.  He's approximately 13 years old.
    
    The police said they have a suspect...  It's apparently some teenager
    that lives somewhere else in town and his parents drop him off in
    the park to ride his bike all night!  The police officer has brought
    him home in the past at 11:00 P.M.! and the parents just said that
    he's allowed to be there!  I can't believe this!  What is wrong with
    these parents?  
    
    I come from an area in upstate NY where people just started locking
    their houses and no one bothers anyone.  This is all new to me.  It's
    the first time I've ever had anything stolen.  I'm trying to make
    sense out of what I'm feeling.  I'm angry, but at the same time, I'm
    hurt.  I'm hurt that there are parents out there that don't care
    what their children are doing!!!  It really upsets me!
    
    On the bright side, it was a good learning experience for my two
    children.  First they were amazed with the police officer, the fact
    that he was at "our house".  I had to explain to the officer that this
    was the closest they've been to a police officer.   Then
    they started asking questions...  I asked the police officer what
    will happen to the kid when they catch him.  He said "he will go
    to jail".  My kids got this scared look on their faces, which I
    thought was so funny, but I also hope they learned a valuable lesson
    from this.
    
    I still can't believe it happened!
    
    Any comments?

    re: the swing set problem
    
    I asked my daughter (18) about this one, and she said that she
    always thought those big playground sets were big enough to hold
    kids her age.  She said they wouldn't go on it if they thought
    they were damaging it and said maybe you should get the city,
    community, or whatever to post a sign with the maximum weight the
    equipment could handle safely.  
    
    --bonnie

    re .7, I just remembered that recently at Hampton Beach the play area
    strictly forbids anyone over (I think it is) 12 to use the equipment. 
    and the opening and closing times are strictly enforced.  They have a
    several person staff to enforce this.  The night we were there, several
    weeks ago, it was near closing and AJ was using the swing.  I had
    casually sat down on the ajoining swing, just sort of resting.  Their
    staff person came up to me and, very polite I might add, told me the
    playground would be closing in about 15 minutes, and to tell me that I
    was "too old" to be on the equipment.  Maybe other playgrounds could
    hire something like high school kids to enforce the rules.
    
    re .6, what you are feeling after last nights incident is very common. 
    It has a formal name that escapes me at the moment, but your feeling
    are because your private space has been invaded and violated.  You are
    probably going through a whole series of emotions, from disbelief, to
    anger, to denial that  it happened at all, and maybe a little paranoia
    that it may happen again.
    
    We too live, and have lived in neighborhoods where no one locked
    apartment, home or car doors, and there was virtually no problem. 
    Suddenly you wake up to an intruder in your home (who in fact was a
    young man with emotional problems, who was doing what amounted to
    "peeping tom" type things, but he's in YOUR bedroom!)  Suddenly you
    double lock your doors, and check everything at night and when you
    return at the end of the day.  Suddenly your little quiet neighborhood
    isn't as friendly anymore.
    
    We never even knew where our front door key was, until an incident last
    year where a neighbor was getting obscene calls.  Then it was like
    "batten down the hatches" 24 hours a day.
    
    Hopefully the authorities will catch the youth, and perhaps reform him
    into something more friendly to society.  In the meantime, relax if you
    can.
    
    Lyn

Hi Bonnie:

I'm not questioning the weight/size issue so much as questioning the
intent of the playground ... to entertain teenagers and adults?

I don't recall hanging out in playgrounds as a teenager ... unless I were
perhaps "babysitting" and then I'm sure you wouldn't find me swinging on
the monkey bars or belly-walking through a tunnel ... or worse yet,
walking on TOP of the tunnel or racing across bridges and jumping from
platform to platform.

It's more the rough-housing and interference I'm complaining about and
not whether or not you are too old or too big for the structure, but
rather are you playing in manner which allows the little kids to enjoy
themselves and allow the little kids the freedom to go anywhere on the
structure and play with any of the apparatus without being at the "mercy"
of a teenager or adult - and possibly a roudy one at that?!

Dottie

    I still like to play on jungle gyms and swings . . . 
    
    --bonnie

Hi Bonnie:

no, no ... I wasn't offended by your input at all!!

I guess I'm trying to understand (in a positive way!) why teenagers/adults
would want to be in a child's playground (babysitting was one reason) ... vs.
are they there to "just cause havic"?  (as was the case when we were there)

This past weekend my niece (14) joined us and she went on some of the "older
children" things (swings, moving platform, etc.), but she did NOT hinder or
interfere with the young kid's enjoyment and she didn't race, yell, and
generally tear through the place ... or climb on/over/through anything that
was not intended to be walked on, jumped on, or wiggled through ... by a
child or adult!  She treated the apparatus and kids with respect.

She genuinely enjoyed herself (in a restricted way) ... and that I don't
object to.  I guestion the "intent" of teenagers/adults ... and whether or
not their behavior is "acceptable" ... and whether or not the apparatus is
designed for their size/weight.

Some older teenagers are VERY GOOD for the young kids ... very helpful ...
I'm questioning the actions of the teenagers who IMPAIR the young kids
freedom (and safety) to play.

The positive power of this PARENTING notesfile is the user community that it
reaches.  The exposure (and awareness) it brings to us (as parents) ... as 
(like Bonnie) I probably would not have given this situation ANY THOUGHT had
it not been brought up for discussion ... so hopefully some other parents have
discussed "playground etiquette" with their kids, particularly if they are old
enough to be "going off" without parental supervision.  Kids will be kids,
I'm NOT passing judgement (as God knows someday I will EAT EVERY WORD I SPEAK!)
... but hopefully being aware of the situation will provide some positive
feedback.

Thanks.
Dottie

    Thanks for clarifying, Dot. 
    
    Kat (my daughter) was assuming that the kids had felt playful, and
    didn't realize they were being obnoxious and damaging the
    equipment and such.  Especially if it was a mixed-sex group whose
    main attention was each other.  They aren't so far from being kids
    themselves. . .
    
    --bonnie