Conference moira::parenting

    My two sons are exactly two years apart (Planned that way). I wanted
    them to be close in age so they could be play mates with each other. If
    one was a girl they might not be as close, but since they are the same
    sex it works out pretty well.
    
    Its tough at the beginning, but it starts to get easier as they get
    older.
    
    The second reason for having them so close in age, was My age.
    
    Lynne

Joanne,

If you want to review the responses to your previous inquiries on the same 
subject, they are in V3, topic 730.  Also see V3, topic 595.  Access 
information for V3 is in the conference announcement, and note 9.21.

Our children are three years and about three months apart.  In some ways, the 
second one was more work, because we couldn't "take turns."  In other ways, 
the second one was less work, because we were more experienced, so we knew 
what to do in most situations (which included knowing when to do nothing at 
all).

My take on this is to do it when you are ready to do it; there is no "best", 
and decisions like this just don't lend themselves to logical analysis.  
Whatever interval you end up with will have its adavantages and disadvantages, 
and may work out well for you and may not.  But there's no way of determining 
ahead of time.  Experiences of others are valuable inputs, but of course your 
mileage may vary.

Clay

   We have 3 girls - so close to all being 18 months apart that our
   oldest turned 3 just 6 days before her sister was born.  Was is more
   work - yep.  Does it get easier - yep.   I think its all very
   dependant on the situation and the family.  Some people like having
   kids close together, and others like having the distance.  I suppose
   you could argue benefits for either side. 
   
   Good luck - its worth all the work!
   
   - Tom
   

    	When all is said and done, ours will be 17 1/2 months apart.

     (Consider this a pre-announcement of sorts, we're due in March ;-))

    	(explains the giving away of the ovulation kit doesn't it?)

	Contrary to what others are already thinking (sigh) we planned it
    this way. We wanted the kids to be close in age for a variety of
    reasons most of which have been already been identified, playmates,
    close in age so that they would enjoy the same level of entertainment.

    	It is tough (more tough than I had thought) being towards the end
    of the first trimester with a 10 month old (between sleeping and
    feeling nauseous, I'm not contributing much to the household chores) but
    ultimately it will be worth it. Marc is a gem at helping out and taking
    care of Spencer while I take naps (and send him out for angel food cake
    and raspberries).


    	A lot of what helped us in our decision was a visit to my sister's
    house in Tenn, she has four kids the oldest is 12 and the youngest is
    1. (the others are 11 and 5) She is very frustrated with this situation
    because just as she thought she was free of babyhood, the last (very
    much unplanned) came along. We saw first hand how tough it is to try
    and control such a wide spread group. We made the decision to keep our
    kids close.


    		Wendy who is tired and queasy but tickled

    	Also explains why I was reading that book about Sibling Rivalry
    this weekend, doesn't it? ;-)

    
    
    CONGRATULATIONS WENDY!!
    
    Happy to hear your news! 
    
    Best of luck on the "pregnancy adventure" once again! 
    
    Chris
    

    
    We have 3 younguns all about 2 years apart.  Genna (5) and Lauren (3)
    are the best of friends and Randy (1) is starting to interact with the
    older two.  I am glad we had our children close together and the main
    reason being that they'll be able to play together.  
    
    
    Mike

    I know people who've had their kids close together so they could play
    together and it backfired totally ... these kids fought and fought
    and fought.  I've known kids split by 3 or more years and played
    together admirably.
    
    The first rule with regard to spacing children for the childrens'
    sakes is that there aren't any rules, therefore, because your children
    are going to interact and behave according to their own personalities.
    So, what do you do ?  You space them according to what is comfortable
    for you ... if you feel you can cope with n in diapers all at once
    then fine ... if you want to get your child rearing years over
    relatively close together fine ... if you want a breather between each
    child instead then fine again ... It's your call ...
    
    Stuart

    
    Boy, I was hoping someone would put a note in here about this!
    I am having some thoughts about this too!  When my husband and I 
    had our first (Rebecca 16 months ago) we were so happy and content!
    Now, I am going through the terrible twos with her early, and I 
    am having mixed feelings about having another one.  But, on the 
    other hand, I miss the infant stage.  She was a wonderful infant!
    I think if she had a brother or a sister it would help her.
    If everything goes right, I would like to have a late next summer baby.
    
    Who knows though????
    
    

    The basenote asked "what is your experience".

    
    .9  I realize what the basenote is asking! I wanted to add my thoughts
    about what I felt on having a second child!  Is there a problem???
    
    
    
    

    Talk about "your mileage will vary!"
    
    Our kids are 3 years and 3 months apart, almost to the day.  Mike
    is from a family where all the kids are at least 2.5 years apart,
    so he thought 2.5-3.5 years was ideal spacing.  We're all stairsteps
    in my family, but I thought that 2.5 years apart was about right.
    We both wanted to give the kids a chance to be the baby, so to speak.
    
    I know people who wanted to get the diapers-baby food-2 a.m. feeding
    business out of the way all at once, so their kids are close in age.
    I know people who wanted to wait till their older kid was settled
    in a life of his/her own, so to speak, and they spaced their kids
    5 years apart.  
    
    Since I had a C-section with James, I wanted a little more sppace
    between the children than I think I would have wanted if I'd had
    a natural birth.  I needed time to really heal, both physically
    and spiritually.
    
    Frankly, I wouldn't have the kids close in age in hope they will
    be playmates.  We are all close in age in my family, as noted, and
    now that we are adults, half of us aren't speaking to the other half.
    MHO.

    Neighbors of ours just delivered number 4 last week.  Talk about a gap,
    the boy is 11, the others, all girls are something like 2.5, 1.5 and th
    newborn.  It appears to this outsider the "girls" will grow up very
    close as the two girls play very well together, you see one you see the
    other, I think this new one will probably do the same.  The mom stays
    at home full time, takes occational evening classes.  Dad has cut his
    company travel to a bare minimum, except for weekend reserve duty, at
    least one, if not both sets of grandparents are local as well.  
    
    As for the 11 year old boy, he seems to a be a bit of a loner, but
    frequently plays with the two boys-same age- across the street.  As far
    as I can tell is never asked to babysit the siblings. 
    
    IMO, this family will do OK.
    
    As for personal experience, one is about all I can handle!
    Lyn

    Personal experience for me is my family - two sisters.  One 2.5 years
    older the other is 6 yrs younger.  The younger and I are closer because
    we are similar in personalities.
    
    My children - two boys.  They are 21 months apart and different
    personalities BUT they get along famously.  Sure there will be a little
    tiff once in a while - but for say 80% of the time they are good
    buddies.
    
    My husband's (blended) family - one natural brother 4 years older -
    very different in personality also not so close.  One step brother
    closer in age - but not close in ties.  One step sister - about 8-9 yrs
    younger and a little closer than the men for certain - but for the most
    part it's because she is persistant in keeping a relationship.
    
    Very different families, situations, and outcomes.
    
    I wanted to have my children close becaause I wanted LOTS and LOTS. 
    Well, due to financial constraints we ended (so far 8^)) with two and
    are very glad they are close in age and in their bond.
    
    -sandy
    

    My experience is having a sister who is 4 years older. She did not
    appreciate having someone else around who took mom and dad's attention
    away from her - she made it known (she has a bad temper and when she
    didn't get her way took it out on me - biting, pushing and just being
    all a round mean).
    
    But needless to say - now that we are adults we get along wonderful -
    so I guess it all depends on the child - she was more high strung -
    while I was more laid back.
    
    I would like to have my kids 1 to 2.5 years apart (Caitlin is 14 months
    now) just for the matter of getting all the diapers, formula and for
    the basis of having someone close to her age that she could pal around
    with. I do think that if maybe my sister and I were closer in age that
    maybe it wouldn't have caused such a battle when we were kids.
    
    But that's just my opinion.
    
    Linda

    We are blessed with 4 children, all close in age. Joshua was 5 years
    and 10 mos. when Jacob (#4) was born. Josh and Carrie were 22 mos to
    the day apart, Carrie and Daniel were 22 mos. minus 4 days apart, and
    Daniel and Jacob were 25 mos, 10 days apart.
    
    Wendy had a natural delivery for first three and C-section for last. 
    
    Kids play well for most part, love each other fiercely (very protective
    of each other), and think that Jacob (14 mos.) can do no wrong. They
    are all so tender with each other, it'd bring tears to your eyes
    sometimes. 
    
    It is a *lot* of work to raise children, and add to that our
    home-schooling, and you can see what kind of day Wendy has. She laughs
    when people ask if she works... she'll stack her day against any one
    employed "outside the home" any day of the week, as far as sheer
    physical labor, and mental gymnastics.
    
    We love them all. Glad they're close. Hope if we are blessed with
    another, that he/she will be close, too.
    
    --dave--

    Dave, your note was real heart-warming!  Sounds like both of you
    work VERY hard.
    
    The basenoter also referred to the amount of work that 2 kids can
    entail.  If you take what you experienced with #1 and multiply that
    by 4, you will get a good idea of the kind of time/energy/etc. that
    you will need. :-)
    
    The way we split the work is pretty much the same as it was when James
    was the O&O (one & only).  I generally take the kids to the sitter,
    Mike generally picks them up.  Weekends are generally devoted to
    housework and errands.  The kids love going shopping with me.  If I
    have to work at home, I wait till after both kids are in bed.  One
    thing that has suffered of late is my and Mike's relationship with each
    other, but we are working on that.  
    
    So all anyone can say is, do what feels best for you and your 
    partner and child.  Yes, there will be more work, but it is true
    that anything that is worthwhile is going to require a lot of hard
    work.  That pretty much sums it up for me.

    This topic has been the subject of conversation at our playgroup for
    the past few months. We started the playgroup with infants who are
    turning two this summer and fall. People have strong opinions on the
    spacing of childern.
    
    One Mom got pregnant when the first was three months old. It was an
    accident and the first six months were rough but things are great
    now. Tyler and DJ are really great playmates. That was too crazy for
    me! 
    
    Some of the Moms opted to have number two this spring when the first one 
    was 18 months. In most cases, it was rough in the beginning but has 
    smoothed out over time. The Moms noticed alot of jealously in the
    first child. Some old habits resurfaced etc. Generally it was hard with
    a first child that could not verbalize their wishes and there was alot
    of crying.  I thought a closer spacing would be hard for me since I work 
    out of the home. I was just becoming a normal human being when Marisa
    was 18 months old. I do not believe in spacing childern
    to be playmates. My sister and I are 18 months apart and we were not
    palymates.
    
    Joe and I had thought we would like a 3 to 3 1/2 year spacing. However,
    this spring I started to panic because Marisa was going through the
    terrible twos early and I really didn't see how I would handle
    everything. I mentioned it to my Mom and she said that with each one
    of her childern there came a point when they started to push away. She
    wished she had waited until she got that clue. 
    
    Marisa gave us the clue about a month ago. Now mind you she is two so
    she still needs alot of attention but she started to dress herself,
    her talking improved, her temper got under control, she started to
    show interest in the potty, and she started to notice babies!!! Things
    are under control and pleasant for the most part.
    
    So.. we started trying for number 2. My advice: you will know when it
    is best for all of you. Just be patient.
    
    Donna                  

    I never got along well with my brother, who is exactly two years
    younger than me.  We played together and did lots of things
    together, but we resented each other too because in a lot of cases
    we were forced into intimacy.  
    
    We love each other, don't get me wrong, but we're not close as
    adults.  
    
    There's 10 years between our oldest and our middle child, and 5.5
    years between the middle and the youngest.  They seem to genuinely
    like each other but there's no telling yet how they'll feel as
    adults. 
    
    --bonnie

    I have to agree with what Donna said. My girls are 3.1 years apart and
    for us this has turned out to be just about right (of course I can I
    say otherwise, I don't know any different). At 2.5 my oldest was potty
    trained, becoming very independent and really doing a lot on her own.
    As a working parent that really made a big difference for me as to
    having another baby. Plus as someone said earlier, I wanted to give
    each child individual attention as a baby. With Justine being 3.5 now I
    am able to give Carolyn my undivided attention for periods of time that
    I feel would have been inconceivable if Justine were younger. I don't
    know if this is a trait of girls or her age but Justine truly loves her
    baby sister and is very helpful as far as entertaining the baby for me,
    etc.
    
    My mother describes my older sister as a good baby because she had to
    be, my mother was still tied up with my brother who is 22 months older.
    Then I came along 4 years later and my baby sister is 7 years younger
    then me (my parents just love her because she keeps them young ;-))

We wanted our two kids to be three years apart......they ended up 3.5
years apart.  They will be 4 years apart in school, which theoretically
means we will not have two in college at the same time.

This spacing has worked out well for us.  The kids don't play much
together except when no one else is around, but you don't expect an
8 year old and a 4.5 year old to play together a lot.  They do look
out for each other when they have to.  They seem to get along better
than my sister and I did; we are 4 years apart and we were never close 
as kids and are still not close.  

As others have pointed out, there are pros and cons to both.  Some good
friends of ours had their two kids 15 months apart, by accident, but
now they are glad it worked out that way (they are 6 and almost 5).
They got all the diapers, bottles, sleepless nites, etc. over with at
once.  We went through it two separate times.  Robbie is old enough to
help out with his baby sister as she progresses through various stages.
If the kids are only a year or two apart, that may not happen.

my .02

Frank

    re .20 - actually it can happen.  I have a 10 year old boy and a 5 year
    old girl - they play together very well!!  Because we don't live  in a 
    neighborhood, they rely on each other for company a good deal of the
    time.  They are great friends and make presents for each other.  I
    don't know how this will translate into later life, but so far so good.

    Amanda was 2yrs and 4 months when we had Jordan.  At Mandys age, she
    had her own things to do.  She has shown no jealousy towards
    her brother (really she hasn't), is very protective of him.  Now that 
    Jordan is 15 months old they are having a wonderful time together.
    
    I was worried about the beginning, but right from the start we included
    Mandy in everything (getting ready for baby) even taking her along to my 
    pre-natal appointments after 8th month.  She was so excited!
    
    Mandy had been in daycare before I had Jordan and is back in daycare
    now, I think this has also had a lot to do with her acceptance of
    Jordan, she has her own thing to do and when I pick her up and then
    continue on to pick up Jordan, I think Jordan is more excited to see
    her (separate daycares also helped) than me some nights.
    
    When we brought Jordan home and I would nurse him she would find one of
    her babies and either nurse her baby or bottle feed.  She was and still
    is very much a little mother hen.  Of course problems like playing too
    rough still have to be discussed from time to time.  Both our children
    are very social and I think that this helped Mandy in the beginning,
        
    There is no ideal time or spacing, but this has worked for us. 
    However, we have decided to go out and flip a coin on Jordans third
    birthday to decided whether or not to go for round three.  Today is
    yes, but some days it's hmmmmmmmmmm, I don't know...
    
    Good luck in your decision...
    

    
    RE: .10 Sorry, my note was not directed at your note.
    
    Mike

    Daniela is 2.66 years older than Nathaniel.  When he was first born I
    was convinced that it was IMPOSSIBLE to manage an infant and a toddler
    together.  Despite the fact that millions (billions?) of people have
    done this, it seemed impenetrable.  Happily, it has been getting
    easier.  
    
    There's probably no ideal age, but I had been thinking it would have
    been easier if they were closer in age, because then there'd be less
    cognizance of the impact of the baby, or if there was more distance,
    because then there would be increased rationality.  Bottom line with
    what we've got is that afte initial aggression, it has turned to "love"
    which could ALSO kill him.  She keeps wanting to play with him and it's
    hard for her to understand that he's really not quite up to it at 4
    months.  

    
    
    I already introduced myself, so now I think I will start a note.  
    
    As I said in my introduction, my son Ben is 13 and I am now pregnant.
    I am finding so many people asking me questions like was it on purpose?
    Are you ready for this all over again?  Is this your 2nd marriage?  
    Some people are just just nosy, can't they just say congradulations?
    
    But I will fill all of you in, so that I can find out if there is anyone
    else who has had the same type of age difference as me.  
    
    I was 18, and my husband was 21 when we had Ben.  In all that time
    since we have always said we couldn't afford another child.  But if I
    had my way we would have a dozen.  I just love children.  Now I am 32, 
    and my husband is 35, and we planned on having just 1 more baby.  I
    just could not think of anything else, seeing all the people around me
    having babies.  Plus Ben is getting to the age where he wants to spend
    more time with his friends than he does us.  I was starting to feel
    empty.  So it was more my idea than my husbands.  But he is happy also,
    just a little more nervous than I am.  Ben is very happy about it.  He 
    always wanted a brother, or sister.  His only regret is that we didn't
    do it sooner.  But he always said that he wanted to have someone to get
    together with when he got older, like my husband and I do with our
    brother's and sister, and family.  
    
    I just wondered if anyone else had a big age difference between their
    children, and what their experiences are or were. 
    
    
    Thanks,
    
    Cheryl

How about if I answer it from the other end?  My parents had my brother and
then had me 15 years later.  In between, there were 2 miscarriages, so they
really just kept on trying.  My mom always says she had 2 only children, and
I know she and Dad really enjoyed having me.  Mom says that I kept them young
as they always had something to do with my school activities and such.  

I can remember thinking that all my friends had very young parents, but I can
also remember that it was usually my 'older' parents who were the ones doing
all the running around picking us up and taking us places.  And there are
still people who ask if I was a mistake, but I know that I was planned, so
that has never bothered me.  In fact, I'd say my mom and dad instilled a lot
of confidence in me, and I think that is from having me and my brother so
far apart.  They were able to give each of us lots of attention, and were 
also a little more laid back when I came along.

From the sibling perspective, my brother and I are extremely close.  My
mother says sometimes she thinks I'm the older one because he's always 
calling me for advice. And we both use the other for a sounding board on
major decisions and financial things. We're now at the point where he's
planning for retirement (so am I, but I've got a lot more years to go), and
we've done a lot of planning around how to take care of the folks now that
they're older.

One of the things you might want to watch out for is that you make sure your
son gets a lot of attention after the baby is born. I understand that my
brother felt a little neglected after I was born and ran away to my Aunt's
house. Mom says she didn't figure a 15-year-old would be jealous of the baby,
but she also says she didn't realize she had made me the center of attention
and had sort of put him on the back burner.  Your son will still need
attention.  And my mom did not let my brother babysit for me.  She always
got someone else to do that because she didn't want to make my brother
responsible for me.

Some funny things happen, though, when the children are so far apart.  I
was an aunt at 8 years old, and a great-aunt at 26 (I turned 27 about 2 
weeks later), so my grand-niece is a few years older than my kids, and my
brother was a grandfather long before I made him an uncle.

All in all, I wouldn't trade my brother for the world, and I know he feels
the same about me (even if he does say he would have preferred a puppy >;))

I'd say that all those people who are making rude comments just don't know
how special it can be to have another baby after so many years, and how
much it can add to both of your children's lives.

Congratulations!
Cathy

    
    
    	In our family, large distances between kids is a tradtion!  My
    mother and her sister are ten years apart.  There are only the two of
    them. They are very close; my mother (the older of the two) said in a
    way, she feels partly like her sister's as well as sister.
    
    	My sister and I are 11 years apart (but there are three that are
    older than my sister.  WHen I was born, my siblings were 18, 17, 14 and
    11!)  I am close to all of them, and all act a little like parents at
    time, but I don't mind.  My mother says that there just wasn't
    too much planning in those days :-) but I was a very pleasant surprise
    (so I am told.)  I was always a little adult, probably from having so
    many around all the time!
    
    	Now, the sister who is 11 years older than I am has two kids, twelve
    years apart!  She got the same questions you are getting; it's not her
    second marriage or anything, she just happens to have two kids 12 years 
    (and three days) apart. The older one  was a little apprehensive about
    a baby in the family, but now she loves her sister to death and can't imagine
    life without her.
    
    	Frankly, I'm hoping my sister took care of the widely-spaced kids
    requirement for our generation :-). But you never know!
    
    	Justine
    

Cheryl, first of all congratulations.  I am in a similar situation, although I
am remarried.  My daughter will be a year old on Saturday and my son is 11 1/2.
It has been a wonderful experience for me.  Although I enjoyed my son, I am
taking the time to enjoy my daughter that much more.  I find that the 10 year
age difference is great.  I am relishing every moment with this one and my son
adores her.  There is a little bit of jealousy that arises every now and then,
but for the most part it is great.  My daughter follows my son around all the
time.  She smiles from ear to ear when he walks into the room.

Good luck and congratulations again.

Beth

    cheryl,
    
    My kids are 19 years, 7 1/2 years, and 3 months.  Sibling rivalry is not
    diminished in any way, trust me. 
    
    I love all of my girls and wouldn't have the spacing any other way.  It
    gives each a chance to be "the baby" and to be fairly self-sufficient
    before the next one is born.  I guess I should mention that wide
    spacings run in my family. My brother's two sons are 12 years apart, my
    brother an I are 14 years apart, and my mothers siblings are 12, 52,
    and 54 years younger than she is.  
    
    The questions can be entertaining.  did you plan them this way?, or
    even better with the youngest, "is this a grand baby?"
    
    Enjoy your kids, just as they come.
    
    Meg 
    
    

    
    
    Another Congratulations Cheryl....
    
    I have a two children, 9 mths. and 8 1/2.  This is my second marriage. 
    I had my first son just before my 20th birthday.  I was not ready to
    become a parent (although I wouldn't trade Ryan for the world).  It
    took my another almost 8 years to decide that I wanted another child.
    
    The spacing is great, Ryan really loves his little brother, there is a
    little bit of jealousy (we aren't quite as spontaneous, after all we
    have to wait for Robert to wake up from his nap), but all in all it is
    a good relationship.  Especially now that Robert is getting older.  He
    has the widest grin when his older brother walks in the room, you can
    see that Ryan is going to be his idol (OH NO !! ;-) ).
    
    As another noter said, I am enjoying this baby alot more than with my
    first.  He is just a joy.  As a matter of fact we were thinking about
    trying for number 3 next summer, but the more I think of it, maybe it
    would be good to wait 3 or 4 years, hmmmmm!
    
    
    Best to you,
    
    Laurie O 

    Add my congratulations!
    
    My brother and I are a mere 6.5 years apart; my mom was 14 years
    younger than her oldest sister, and my mother in law is 10 years
    younger than her only sibling.
    
    Observations I have made on this:
    
    a) if the kids are not as close as you'd like while they are still
       growing, don't worry. In many cases these "distances" close as
       the siblings mature. 
    
    b) having children further apart, is, in my mother's words "like having
       another first child all over again". My mom had 2 miscarriages
       between us and had all but given up on having another. So she
       gave ALL my baby stuff away, but at the doctor's urging she tried
       again, and voila! a new baby!
    
    c) having older kids is in some ways easier since you do not have the
       additional burden of having to give the other child a great deal
       of daily care (i.e. diapers, feeding, etc). On the contrary, if
       handled correctly, they can be a great help.
    
    d) as another noter said, there will always be some jealousy at the 
       new child. Even when you are old enough to understand that a baby
       needs more care than you do, your heart says you're not getting
       attention. Taking care that this won't happen (or that it is
       minimized at least) depends on the age of the older child.
    
    Again, its a wonderful thing - don't let people's behaviour upset
    you - rudeness is THEIR fault. not yours. 8-)
    
    Monica

Not that I am ready yet, but I have been pondering the idea about
when to have another child.  I found a note in the previous version of
parenting about when to have another child but couldn't find one
in our current version.  Does one exist?  

In any case, my MIL had started when Paul was three months old.
You know, the story about how children grow up closer if they 
are less than 3 years apart.  

I have thought about this and agree with them but I'm not ready
to give up my total time with Paul.  As it is, I have hardly 
any time to spend with him and can't imagine trying to find time
to spend with two children, never mind more than two.  

I find myself going through phases of where I don't want Paul
to be cheated because mommy will have a newborn to deal with
and worry about this.  However, is this right to feel this way
because obviously, the second child will never have any time
to be alone with my husband and I.

We thought that four years would be good because Paul would
be more mature, potty trained and easier to handle but after
researching this, I have found that this is not the case and
its selfish on my part to want to have it easy when it would
make things more difficult for Paul and his new sibling.  We
are now leaning toward trying to get pregnant when Paul is 
18 months which would give them about 2.5 years between.  
Anything less than that would be plain suicide.  I firmly
believe that a women goes through postpartum depression
in and out of their first year after a child is born.  Heck,
I still get mood swings and hot flashes! :) :)  

Am I crazy?  How has other parents dealt with this confusion
and wondering.  Should I only have one child if I feel this 
way?  Paul would suffer in many ways if we did this but 
sometimes I just want to spend every minute with him that
I worry about having enough love for two.

As always, thanks...

cj

    My sisters and I all did the same thing (though somewhat
    unintentionally).  We each had our second child two years after our
    first and ironically, each family had their children four years after
    the last child of the older sister.  Did that make sense?  My older
    sister has two girls - 15 and 13, I have two boys - 9 and 7, and my
    younger sister has one of each 3 and 1 (we had to in order to share the
    baby equipment..8^).
    
    I am glad we had #2 within two years.  Both of mine are boys...we have
    NO sibling rivalry, they are great friends, and we try hard to keep
    their friendship relationships unique (they don't share friends, they
    each have their own).  Both are uniquely different, however.  I must
    take that into consideration.  They are not competitive, so that could
    be why we don't have a rivalry.  My older sister's kids are also good
    friends, uniquely different, and being girls there is some sibling
    rivalry (that's my blouse, no that's my sweater, leave my hairspray
    alone, etc - completely normal, I think).
    
    If you are in a dilemma - have two close together, then wait 4-5 years
    and have another -- just so you can see which is best for your family
    
    (many 8^)'s)
    
    -sandy
    

    cj,
    
    My midwife recommends 3-5 years between children.  Her opinion is that
    it gives each child a chance to be "the baby" and that the older child
    can better communicat their needs to you.  Also it is her firm opinion
    that a womans body needs that much time between.
    
    My kids are 20, 8, and just over a year.  It really does work well,
    financially as well as kidwise for us.  your milelage may vary.  
    
    meg

    
    
    Mine are 9(Chris), 6(Jason) and 9mos(Jonathan).  I'd definitely opt for
    the "bigger" gap, if I had it to do over again.  Even with 3 years
    between the 2 older ones, there doesn't seem to be enough of a gap, and
    there are times when Jason expects he should be able to do everything
    that Chris can do.  It gets really aggravating, and for Jason "because
    Chris is older", doesn't seem to be enough of a reason to "not" be able
    to do something.  Plus the fact that I don't remember a thing about
    when Chris was 3 because I was so busy w/ the baby, and I think that
    really had an effect on all of us.  
    
    Maybe having them back to back would've been easier, don't know about
    that.  But having 6 years between the younger two, has made a world of
    difference!  I have time to enjoy the baby, and don't feel like I'm
    taking a lot away from the other kids.  The baby and I can sit outside
    and watch them rollerblade or ride bikes or whatever, so the older ones
    feel like I'm still participating, and I can still give Jonathan the
    time he needs.  It seems to work well for everyone.
    
    I think it's also impossible to imagine the difference of going from 1
    kid to 2.  I'd guess it's about 10,000 times the work.  Going from 2 to
    3 was cake, but 1 to 2 was just mind-numbing (for me anyway).  Are you
    capable of taking on a lot of extra work?  When do you think you will
    be?  At what age do you feel comfortable letting your first play "by
    themselves" most of the time?  
    
    And one more vote for "lots" of years ... the older child has had
    achance to establish themselves as a person, so all of that
    "competition" (between toddler and infant) is non-existent.  AND ...
    it's much less of a financial burden!
    
    But .... the 2 older ones are great friends and do EVERYTHING together.
    Jonathan won't be so fortunate.  He has a 1/2 brother who's almost 3,
    but his brother's mother doesn't like them to see each other, so they
    probably won't be "real" close.
    
    And FWIW, w/ a 9mos old and almost-3-year-old, it seems to me to be
    fairly impossible to watch them both at the same time.  Greg RUNS
    everywhere, and needs to be watched like a hawk.  The baby requires a
    lot of time/attention as well.  It's exhausting!  
    
    Good Luck!  In the end, it doesn't much matter - it's just a whole
    bunch of fun, and ages just add different twists to it all!

    
    Nicholas was 7 mos. old when I got pregnant with Joshua (surprise!).
    I wouldn't have it any other way! :)
    
    Chris

    
    Michelle was 6 months old when I got pregnant with Michael. I have to
    agree with Chris. If I could do it over again I would not change the
    time between them. I did experience some guilt when I first found out
    I was pregnant. Michelle was 15 months old when Michael was born and
    she loved being the big sister.. Now that they are 7 and soon to be
    6 she changes her mind frequently. But all and all they are really good
    friends.
    
    
    Joan

My daughter is the older, just turned two the day before Thanksgiving.
My son is almost 6 months old and almost as big as she is!
It's still early, but Rachel has only been loving and gentle with John.
I still have to watch them to make sure she doesn't do something she doesn't 
intend to, like lean on him too much for a hug.  (The other day I rescued 
him from the medicine dropper that she was feeding him. (An _empty_ one))

One child was portable; for two you definitely have to be more planful 
for going anywhere.  But even though they're both teething off and on 
(molars/ first tooth), I don't feel that bad when another Mom with close 
young-uns simpathises "I know what you must be going through!"

Then again, I know other friends with more "active" (michievous, climbing,
get into things...) children than Rachel.  In that case, I'd probably be 
more exhausted chasing after them!

Of course, it helps if you can take a long maternity leave ;-)
Enjoy!
Tanya