Conference moira::parenting

    This has been discussed before, but I can't remember where.  My sister
    has two cats and she never had a problem mixing cats and babies.  She
    has a 15 month old and the cats have been with her for about 3 years or
    more.  The cat will probably have a passing curiosity about this new
    thing in the house - but will most likely leave the baby alone.  When
    the child is old enough to move around, s/he will have to learn to
    leave the cat alone and not pester it.  Since kids are easier to train
    than cats (IMLE - in my limited experience), I would be more watchful
    of the kid toward the cat!
    
    -sandy
    

    Sorry, but I have not tolerance for people who give up their animals
    because of a baby.  I have many, many friends with babies and animals
    and all of the situations have worked out fine.  I am also due with
    my first baby in August and have no intentions of getting rid of my
    animals.  
    
    One of my cats already loves to sleep in the carriers, etc., but there
    are numerous ways to keep to the cat away from the baby.  
    
    FYI - both my cats are long haired cats.  If you are bothered by the
    hair, why did you get a cat to begin with?  
    
    Animals provide so much love and affection I couldn't imagine living
    without mine.  I would imagine that kids would benefit tremendously 
    growing up with animals.  They provide great therapy - look at the
    elderly....
    
    

	Friends of mine have 5 house cats (read they don't go outside),
	and a new born she is breast feeding. The cats don't bother the
	baby at all. What they did do, that I thought was clever, was to
	put a screen door on the babys room so the cats couldn't go in
	yet the door was "open" so to speak.

	Unless the cat bothers the baby, I see no reason to get rid of
	it, barring any extenuating circumstances.

    We have two cats and a 6 month old baby.  As one of the previous notes
    mentioned, the cats are curious in the beginning.  However, the more mobile
    the child becomes, the more the cats keep their distance from the baby.  
    Now that he's crawling, he sneaks up on them, and although they prefer
    not to have their tails pulled, they are fine with him.  He *adores* them.  
    He cracks up whenever he sees them and just can't get enough of them.
    
    Also, even though this note is about cats, we have several friends with 
    medium to large lively, barking, face-licking, slobbering (all part of
    their job description) dogs, and our baby adores them, too. 
    
    So, in conclusion, for us, not only has it not been a problem, but (again, 
    as a previous note indicated) it really enhances the child's life.  I
    believe that it also minimizes fears.
    
    Leslie
    

    
    Thank you for all the comments.  My heart really does not want to get
    rid of her she is my best friend and alarm clock.  But I had heard
    differant stories about the cat getting in the crib going for the milk.
    Also when I was younger one of my old cat tried to attack me with my
    niece in my hand when she was crying so loudly.  But as I thought she
    was a mother too at the time and may be she just want to see.  I too
    think animals are good for all ages.  I was concerned with the new baby
    and want to know how other people and cats/babys got along.  Thanks
    again.
    
    
    Angela

    I "inherited" my grandmother's cat a year ago. I have a 3 year old and
    2.5 month old baby. The cat was originally in a nursing home and then
    living with my grandmother so he had never been around children. He is
    declawed. My three year old loves to lay on him which he tolerates for
    awhile then he just picks up and hides out somewhere. My husband was
    really concerned about the cat hair, especially when the cat was trying
    to sleep in the crib before the baby's arrival. I just filled the
    bassinet and the crib up with stuffed toys and the cat found somewhere
    else to sleep. When the baby came he stayed away. He's coming around
    more now ( he's a great infant eye catcher, black and white).
    
    As for the cat hair, I use a curry comb on my cat and it helps a great
    deal. 
    
    Good luck with the new one. I'm reliving how much fun a 2 month old can
    be!

    
    Another vote for cats!  I have two house cats, they do not go outside.
    
    I too was worried about the cats with the baby, but that 'milk'thing
    with cats and babies is an old wives tale, IMHO.
    
    Yes, my cats were curious too, but have accepted the baby who is
    four months old now. They never even tried to get into his crib,
    or anything of the sort.  He definately likes to watch them, he 
    is just starting to notice them now, and can't keep his eyes off
    of them until they are gone. 
    
    My cats have claws, so we will definately have to train the
    baby to leave the cats thier space.
    
    By the way, my cats are 5 and 4 years old.
    
    So, wait and see, I'm sure the kitty will be fine, especially if
    he tolerates a 3 year old.

    I have a 5 yr old cat. WHen I had my daughter 2 yrs ago I worried about
    the same thing. But there's no need to worry, the cat was the total
    opposite. He hardly ever went near her, and when he did he just sniffed
    her and walked away. I think he was just curious as to whom this new
    person was invading his territory, but he adjusted just fine.
    Now she chases him around the house and taunts him!
    
    Sandy

Actually, there is one down side about the children/pets situation, and that's
the trauma that you're going to have to face some day when your child has to
confront the death of a pet that they've known literally since before they
can remember.  Elspeth (age 10) still has occasional sad spells about our
cat who died last fall.

But she really liked going through baby slides a while ago, and seeing the
pictures of the cat sleeping her when she was an infant, and of herself
sharing her food with the cat when she was first getting solid food.

	-Neil

    My son now has dealt with a death of a pet his bird at grandma's house. 
    That is the other thing with giving up the cat what would I tell him
    when she is gone.  I myslef have chosen to keep her BUT the big thing
    will be my husband.  He listens to his mother a lot and I think it is
    her taking about getting rid of the cat.  
    
    again thanks for the comments.  this has bee very helpful for me on
    what I want and feel.  Now I have to get my husband with me on this.  
    
    Angela

    I have 2 cats & an 11 month old daughter.  Since she was born... my 1
    cat has always come to comfort her when she cries.  She just adores the
    baby & Heidi just loves her as well.  My other cat was curious in the
    begining - but now just keeps his distance.  He does let her touch him
    occassionally... but doesn't tolerate for long - he just walks away. 
    Heidi knows that he's not real friendly & she knows not to be real
    rough w/ him.  However, the female cat just lets her do "anything" to
    her (literally)!
    
    In the begining they were sleeping in the crib & on the changing table
    when I wasn't looking.  Now & since the begining I have put a gate up
    in her doorway w/ the door partially open & they never have tried to
    climb over it.
    
    Keep the cats!  They're great for the kids development.  Babies love
    animals & I had no idea just how much until my daughter was born.  I
    really believe the one cat would miss her terribly if they were ever
    seperated!
    
    Sonia (who would never have dreamed of getting rid of my cats for
    anyone!)
    
    By the way... the hair is not an issue.  We definitely have it on our
    carpets & furniture but not in her crib or on her changing table. 
    She's gonna get some on her but it's not a problem as I thought it may
    have been.

    We had our older cat for 10 years now, and she has never been an issue
    except in the eyes of my mother in law who would wish every cat in the
    world dead!  I found the cat in the crib only once, before birth.  I
    gently picked her up and put her down on the floor.  She never came
    near the crib, with or without baby again.  She sort of took up a
    "guard" beside the crib in the rocking chair with the nice overstuffed
    cushions.
    
    When AJ would cry, I would wake up to AJ crying, and a cold wet nose
    trying to root me out of bed.  Sort of letting me know that "that
    thing" needed my attentions.  She was great.  When he was creeping, and
    up until walking the cat was never anywhere in site.  Never a problem.
    
    Two years ago I got another kitten as a birthday present.  He is half
    siamese and absolutely demands to be in someones' bed, lap, chair or
    just around people in general.  AJ is older now, and the two of them
    have become constant friends.  While the other one continues to claim
    our bed as her place of residence.  AJ is 5.5 and one of his chores is
    to make sure the cats have food in their dishes.  Sort of funny at
    night, I put AJ in bed and shut the door.  Next thing his door
    "mysteriously" opens up for the "catten" to go and snuggle down in his
    comforter until both are soon asleep.  If AJ doesn't open the door
    quickly enough the cat will sit outside and cry until he does. 
    Sometimes I will go in to check AJ after he's asleep and the cat will
    follow me in and hide under his table, hoping I won't notice he's in
    there.  (We shoo him from the room once AJ is asleep and shut
    the door.)
    
    I feel cats (and dogs for that matter) are a normal part of kids
    growing up.
    
    Lyn

Kitty was 2 years old when my little girl was born.  Everybody in my family 
and my husband's family were telling us to get rid of Kitty, but we kept him.
He was a long-haired cat, and the fact his hair was everywhere had never 
bothered me until after the baby was born.  I was going crazy cleaning after 
his hair, and it really bothered me when I found cat hair in her diaper, on 
her clothes, on her face after I had exhusted myself cleaning.  Another reason
we gave him away is that when my little girl was couple of weeks old, Kitty 
jumped into the crib right on top of the baby.  She wasn't hurt, she was
just scared, and I was scared too.  I know it hurts when Kitty jumped on top of
me.  When Kitty got bored at night, he used to jump on top of us to wake us up.  
He was a huge cat, bigger than some small dog.  We still have Kitty's pictures
pin to the refrigerator, but I was relieved when we found someone to take Kitty.

Try it, it might work out for you.  If not, you can always give away your cat 
then.  We tried to keep Kitty out of baby's room, but he learned to open the 
door.  I was already exhusted from taking care of the baby (she is my first one),
and it was just too much work to keep Kitty and his hair out of baby's room.

    Don't get rid of your pet.  We have a cat and a dog, and have had no
    problem with them bothering Michael.  Now that he is a toddler, he
    tends to play rough with them (the dog weighs 7 pounds).  The dog just
    runs away from him, but the cat will roll over and just let Michael
    torment him unless we intervene.  I really wish the cat would be a
    little more assertive (but only a *little* more).  A little cat hair
    never hurt anybody, unless they're allergic to it, and that's something
    you can deal with if and when it happens.
    
    Our cat loves to sleep in the rocker in Michael's room.  Pat found him
    in the crib once before Michael was born, but it's never happened
    again.  For Michael's first year we had a screen door on his room to
    keep the animals out without inhibiting air circulation.  Now that he
    sleeps more lightly, we have the regular door back so we can close it
    when he's sleeping.
    
    Animals add so much to a child's life.  Please don't get rid of yours
    just because you're having a baby!
    
    Steve

    I agree with everyone who says to keep your pet as part of the 
    family!   My son just adores our cat Harpo, and Harpo is
    extremely tolerant of Matthew.   Matthew likes to lay his head on
    Harpo and stroke his fur.  Usually, Harpo just lays there or if he
    doesn;t like it, he'll just get up and walk away (with as much
    dignity as he can!!).   I think having a pet helps to teach a child
    to be a gentle and caring little person.   I, too, was worried when I 
    was pregnant about the cat hair, and all of the stories I had heard 
    about cat's and babies, but I am sure glad I listened to my heart and 
    kept Harpo. The only thing I think you need to careful of with little 
    ones and a cat is keeping the litter box in a place where the kids can't 
    get to it, but the kitty can!!  
    My .02 worth. 
    
    	Lila
    

                                                                 
    We had problems with our 5 year old cat sleeping in the babies crib
    when we first set it up.  We bought some of the bug netting used to
    place over strollers (in the baby section of department stores) and
    placed it over the top of the crib.  This netting has elastic around
    the edges, and the cat stopped sleeping in the crib.  Once the baby was
    born, the cat didn't want anything to do with entering the babies
    room...she is not into crying babies!
    
    Both of my daughters had incidents around a year of age, where they
    were bothering the cat and the cat scratched them, but no real harm was
    done.  The kids learned to be cautious of the cat after that!

    I also (sort of) had this concern.  My daughter is now 2 years old and
    my 3 cats are now 10 years old.  I was concerned because the cats were
    set in their ways and had never been around a child.  From my
    experience, I would not worry too much.  The child and cats will adjust
    to each other over time.  At first, my cats avoided Jackie.  Then, they
    got used to her but she became mobile and wanted to roll on them, which
    2 of the 3 *did not* like and made it known for her not to do that. 
    They have never scratched her intentionally, but have hissed, which
    scares her.  Now, the cats seem fine with her but I still keep a close
    eye on her when she's trying to play with them.  She has learned to be
    gentle with them and does not hurt them, unlike some toddlers who will
    terrorize kittens/cats if they have not had them around.  They never
    went in her crib while she was in it.  Sometimes now they might join
    her on her bed at night which I see as a sign of acceptance and do not
    worry.
    
    Mary
    
    

    I had 2 cats when I had my baby (Sarah). One cat was 10 yrs. old
    and passed away shortly after Sarah was born. I found out she was 
    diabetic at the same time I got it-gestational for me. This was Tasha.
    
    My other cat, Nocha, is 9 yrs. old. Being the cat lover I am there was
    no way I was going to loose either one on account of my decision to
    start a family. 
    
    I can definitely relate to the fact that when you have a newborn every-
    thing else gets *a little* neglected. and I experienced "eraser mind"
    as I read in another note. (I thuoght it was just me =))
    
    Nocha got in the crib a couple of times thinking it was for her. I just
    spanked her and got her out (This was before the baby). After Sarah was
    born she got in it one more time and one more spanking. She hasn't got
    in again and Sarah is 5 months old now. But to be on the safe side my
    husband built a contraption to go over the crib to keep the cats out. 
    I didn't use it much though. Nocha goes up to her once in a while and
    sniffs at her but for the most part doesn't have anything to do with 
    her. She did get jealous the first time I let Sarah sleep in bed with 
    me (I wanted more sleep-Sarah didn't). She immediately went into the 
    bathroom and tore up the toilet paper. I love them both =).
    
                                                
                                                   

    We have a 10 year old cat, a 9 year old labrador and 14 month twins.
    
    The cat has never wanted to go into the twins room (all that unpleasent
    noise and yukky nappies), though he did risk peering round the door once. 
    The dog on the other hand used to sleep in
    their room (if not evicted) or outside their door.
    
    Now that James and Rosalind are mobile they know that the dog will
    happily allow them to use him as a mobile climbing frame/activity
    centre and that the cat WON'T. The cat has scratched them both, (after
    a cat type warning, hiss, and a Mummy/Nanny type warning, "NO, don't do
    that the cat will hurt you") and they are now more careful with him. 
    
    We do, however, keep a very close eye on the children when they are with 
    the animals just in case the twins do something unspeakable to the 
    animals that might result in an unacceptable animal reaction.

    Please keep your cat if you can.  I had friends who got rid of their
    cats, because of all the tales about cats and babies, and that child
    has never adjusted to dealing with pets.  I had five cats varying in
    age from 13 years, to a 6-week old stray when Carrie was born, and the
    dog, and never had a problem between her and the menagerie, but this
    kid is something else.  
    
    This has created no small problems when Sean is at my house with 4
    cats, an aging dog, and a passle of rabbits.  He doesn't seem to make
    the connection between stuffed animals and living pets even though he
    is now 6, and I have explained, interceded, and sometimes had to grab
    him and get the pet and he separated before he has had more than a snap
    or swat directed at him.  I think the yelps and occasional swats that
    Carrie got as she became more mobile over the years, made enough
    impression that I have no fear of her getting snapped at or scratched,
    or bit by anyone else's pets.
    
    Meg   

    Thank you for all the write-ins.  Well we did deside to keep the cat
    and give it a try.  (with open minds)  But I have moved in the last
    month and my cat did not like the new area.  She keep running back to
    the old apartment.  So now she has 2 homes and at both I supply the
    food for her.  Maybe she will come home to stay but till then she has
    the 2 homes and seems very happy.  My son and I visit on weekends with
    the cat and old friends so it turned out nice.  It seems it worked out.
    
    Angela
    
    I now only have 14 weeks left till #2 arrives.  Hope I will make it.
    

    re: .2
    Do you have kids?? I also have had cats and have a kitten now - but
    if something terrible happen due to the cat. I would chose MY CHILD
    over the cat (even though it would have to be something really 
    harmful, (always biting or scratching) I know you will say that it 
    is the responsibility of the parents to teach the kids - but
    there are always some cats/dogs that will not tolerate kids no matter
    what you do.
    
    I love animals - have had dogs, cats, chickens, rabbits, ducks as
    a child. But my child is the most important thing to me and if for
    some reason one of my animals had cause my child harm or even death
    I would never forgive myself. Maybe you could live w/something like
    that but I couldn't 
    
     

    I knew I would find this note again one day. Just wanted to update it.
    We have 4 cats, a greyhound and Natasha is 5 months. We have NO
    problems with her and the animals. She loves watching them and petting
    them. We put a screen door on her room (this is great for ventilation
    too). The cats stay out, but we can always hear her and peek in. My 
    youngest cat, Tyr, is 10 months. Tyr and Natasha are great buddies.
    I let them interact but only when I am around. She does not understand
    yet that she is not allowed to pull his whiskers, and he doesn't under-
    stand those toes aren't toys.  My older cats (Ages 4-6) keep their 
    distance. They are not too thrilled with some of the noises that 
    come out of Natasha.  The dog is VERY good with her, but then again he
    lets the cats chew on him too.
    
    I am glad to report that my mother's old wifes tales of cats sucking
    the breath out of babies is false. 

    When we brought Aaron home from the hospital, we took him out of his
    carseat and since he was sleeping, put him in his cradle (it was in the
    living room, I'd had a c-section and didn't want to have to go up and
    down the stairs for his naps).  When he woke up crying out cat went to
    the cradle, stood up on her hind legs to peek in to see what on earth
    was making that noise!
    
    If I was in the bathroom or another part of the house, I'd know when
    Aaron was crying because the cat would come get me.  She would stay
    right at my feet as I was trying to comfort him or nurse him, and would
    come check to make sure I was doing things right if he didn't quiet
    down immediately.  She's his second mother!
    
    Now she likes to walk past him, with that tail just out of reach (she
    learned pretty quick that he can grab it when it's too close!).  I
    think they'll be best of buddies once he understands how to pet and not
    grab ears and fur.  Fortunately she's only 4 years old.
    
    sandy