Conference moira::parenting

    
    re: .0
    
    Typical behavior for that age.  She just discovered a new sound
    and is trying it out.  Just continue to discourage her by saying
    that it hurts your ears, but don't punish her for it.  She'll
    stop, for the most part.  Actually, my two year old still does
    it once in a while and always give a big smile afterwards.  I
    tell her to cut it out, then ignore it.
    
    Too much attention to it will just make her continue.
    
    Karen

    I deal with it by telling myself that Evan will outgrow it.
    
    He began screeching for the pure thrill of it and to express pleasure
    at age 5 months.  He's now 8 months old and does it a lot less, but the
    marked change has only been in the past couple of weeks.
    
    I can feel my _bones_ resonate when he does it. I really hate it. He
    doesn't get "happy mommy" feedback when he does it -- I try not to
    react at all -- like when he laughs or babbles or blows raspberries.
    
      Annie
    
    

    
    My son screached for awhile.  Every time he did it we didn't raise our
    voices but did tell him we didn't like it because it hurt our ears. I
    know I also made faces of pain.  He stopped fairly quickly.
    
    Kathy  

    
    	My little buddy, Kyle also did this. I made the mistake of letting
    him know I heard it! I reacted to it, then from there he decided this
    was how to get our attention! Anytime he wanted something,, he
    screamed. So after a week or so of this, I told my husband that we both
    need to ignore it, I even let my parents know to ignore it. So we did.
    	A week later, he stopped, and still doesn't do it(unless he's
    frustrated ofcourse).
    	So that's my cure.....I think it also depends on the childs
    personality. Kyle did it because he got attention from it, some do it
    just to hear themselves.
    				Katy

    
    Exactly, Annie!
    
    We just ignore it.  I read in one of the parenting magazines
    that this is very typical for this age...they're testing out
    their voices and the different ranges.  Patrick has all kinds
    of screeches and comes up with new noises to make every day.
    
    This too shall pass!  *8^)
    
    Kristin

    We would give Aaron positive feedback, we'd screech back at him with a
    smile on our face.  I don't think he did it any longer with our
    responding to him than he would have otherwise.  I have to admit, I
    don't miss it!  But as the previous noter said, he was just
    experimenting with the noise, just like he does with words now and
    other noises now.
    
    We have a papertowel roll that he started out screeching in but has
    worked up to using words (mama, papa, cat, hello, hi there...).  He
    thinks it's a wonderful thing to do.
    
    sandy

    
    	I think if the screeching gets unbearable, and you can't get the
    child to stop with any method...try making it into a game. When he/she
    starts to screech, you do it too, but change your tones and make a song
    out of it, then eventually go lower and lower until you are whispering. 
    I did this also with Kyle and now he loves to whisper.
    	he says,"sshhhhh, daddy's sleepin' mumma."
    	It's cute. He tries to have conversation in whispers.
    

    
    Ditto .7 .... of course this is a little hard to do in the grocery
    store, but it does work ....
    
    

    With my older son, we didn't even work our way down to whispers.  When he
    screeched, we whispered.  It was doing something different he loved,
    not necessarily the screeching itself, but the novelty of using a
    different voice/tone.  Try responding to every screech with a whisper,
    like "Try this - whispering is fun, too!"
    
    Of course, my older boy is now 7 and only has two tones of voice - too
    loud and too soft.  He is either speaking so loudly the entire
    restaurant can hear his inappropriate comments about the man with the
    tatooed head and nose ring ("Hey, mom!  That guy painted his
    head...weird!! And, look, he's got a earring in his NOSE!! 
    GROOOOSSSSSS!!!!  What happens when he gets cold???") or mumbling in an
    annoying monotone, (i.e., MOM says, "Joe, did you have any homework 
    tonight?"; JOE says "Wdkj, Odseiyn."...or it least, that's all I hear,
    if you know what I mean...-:)! )
    
    Anyway, inappropriate tones of voice, comments, and so on are the order
    of the day from birth to 25, or so says my mother, anyway!
    
    Regards,
    
    M.
    

    Here's the situation we are currently facing and trying to find
    any and all helpful hints to deal with it:  SCREAMING.
    
    Alex one year old.  He has an older sister who is 6 1/2 years old.
    Alex has a very limited vocabulary of Mama, dada, something like hi,
    and not much else.  He uses short high pitched screeches and screams
    to get our attention.  If these were a once in a while thing, no
    biggie.  BUT, they are constant, especially through dinner when he
    goes from wanting bread, to veggies, to milk, only one thing on his
    tray at a time please.  
    
    My husband and I realize that this is his form of communicating and
    that's okay.  But, we need to encourage him to break this habit and
    begin using words for expressing himself.  His voice is so loud
    that at times it's deafening.  {Especially when travelling together
    in the car}.
    
    This is nothing related to discipline.  He listens well.  He also
    has quite a temper for a one year old.  Not sure if we can handle him
    when he hits the 2's. 
    
    Our daughter is exactly the opposite.  {of course}
    
    Any help?

Have you tried to communicate to him that it hurts your ears?

    Does ignoring him work?

    
    Oh gosh - I remember THAT!!!  YIKES!!  And with super-sensitive
    hearing, I could never stand it for long.....
    
    You say he listens well.  I think I'd try to teach him some "generic"
    word (like "THAT!") to use instead of screeching.  Then when he
    screeches, tell him "No, Alex, don't yell - say 'That!'".  Then when he
    says "dat!" say "Here - you want your bread - there you go.  Thank you
    for not yelling".  If he screeches, try to NOT give it to him until he
    stops and say "that" (or whatever word you choose).  
    
    And when I couldn't take it anymore, I'd screech right back in their
    face .... keep in mind - it's NEVER as loud to the yeller, as it is to
    all the yell-ees. (-:  You might startle him into realizing a little
    more how loud it is.  We'd even have screeching contests .... get it
    all out, and then "start over".
    
    Thankfully we're through this!!
    
    

    
    My initial reaction is not to screech/yell back at him.  I don't
    like to raise my voice and neither does my husband.  We have begun
    the "shhhhhhhh" with him but that's only been to try and get him quiet.
    
    I'm hoping it's a phase and will cease once he begins using words.
    
    Ignoring him hasn't worked.  He usually gets louder.  Maybe we all
    need to just let him get it out of his system and block our ears.
    
    Thanks for the responses.  Seems like this isn't new to many of you.
    
    -Patty

    I'd talk about the difference between his inside and outside voice.  
    I'd also hold my hands over my ears and say "Ouch, that hurts my ears. 
    When you ask for your dinner in a softer voice, I will help you."
    You could also encourage him to use his words, knowing that this won't
    really have any effect until he knows more words.
    
    For whining we say a lot, "I can't hear you until you stop whining."  
    
    My son Thomas did this too.  He is now 22 months and no longer makes
    much noise.  He'll actually hold his hands over his ears and say
    "Noise."  So, I guess we managed to modify his behavior.
    
    judy

    Judy,
    
    Thanks - I think trying the ouch" approach might get his attention.
    I am constantly amazed at the difference between boys/girls; first
    born and second.
    
    Is there anything that Kristen, his sister, can do to help?  She
    doesn't like the noise and also tries to divert him.  I've taught
    her not to say "no" to him as a discipline tactic since she has a 
    tendency to use it over and over and over again.  Maybe we can all
    think up a key word at dinner tonight  {when it's quiet of course ;-)
    
    -Patty

    Hi Patty,
    
    Gina does also participate in the "Ouch" routine.  Having three people
    stare at him with disapproval with their hands over their ears seems to
    make Thomas realize his inappropriate behavior!  (Especially his
    sister, who he seems to listen to more readily at times.)  I'm not
    saying this worked right away, but it did eventually.  
    
    In the car we also talked about safety and not scaring the driver.  I'm
    not sure he understood, but a child that young is looking for approval
    from family members and knows when is not gaining it.  
    
    Of course, our other tactic is to allow binky usage in the car to keep
    us all calm.
    
    judy

    
    Thankfully {at times} Alex does not use a binky.  Nor does he suck
    his thumb or use anything to settle down.  Just a little bit of
    rocking in a chair.  {pluses and minuses with everything}.
    
    We all used the "ouch" routine last night and Kristen asked Alex
    each time he screamed if she could get him anything.  Each time we
    expressed pain to our ears, WE GOT HIS ATTENTION AND HE STOPPED!!!
    Maybe it was the novelty, maybe he thought we looked goofey with our
    hands cupped around our ears but at least we are reaching him.
    Again this morning, same reactions.    And you know what?  It seems
    like he screamed less last night.  So, this could be the start of
    something big, big, big for us!!
    
    I will update every couple of days as to our progress.
    
    Thanks!
    
    -Patty

    Hi it's us again,
    
    Alex seemed to be doing quite well a few days last week and then this
    past week-end on Saturday and Sunday, he screamed constantly.  I am
    wondering if it was because of all the stimulation {we went to Funworld
    on Saturday while Kristen was at a birthday party} and then had another
    party Saturday night that went until 9:30 pm.  On Sunday we went to
    Church and then began Easter egg hunts, dinner and play with their
    cousin Taylor who is 17 months old.  Too much???
    
    I have asked my sitter to work especially hard with him today to
    ensure she addresses the screaming.  I have asked her to  1. ignore it
    at times if it gets too  much   2.  continue with the "ouch" my ears!  
    scenerio.  I am anxious to see if there is a marked difference tonight.
    
    Thanks,
    -Patty