Conference moira::parenting

    Yes, I have a list!  But I won't bore you.
    The gift-giving offenders in our house are the grandparents!
    
    Plastic wands (rods) that make obnoxious noises.  They break in to bits
    in two days but are mourned for weeks (by the kids).
    
    Trucks with LOUD sirens and batteries that run them.  Why don't the
    batteries ever run out on these things?
    
    Batons.  Otherwise known as war weapons.
    
    Those hand held, keychain-mugger deterrants that pierce your eardrums
    that are "toys for the grandchildren"!  (My aching head).
    
    BUT, I've found a way to deter the gift-giving grandparents from giving
    these toys.  I say "Oh, good, we'll bring these down to your house for 
    the kids to play with during visits", or "How about we STORE these at
    your house for our visits?".    Then subject the grandparents to these
    "Stimulating" sounds and wargames for a couple hours and Whahla! they
    get the idea.  It seems to be working so far.
    
    You'll be taking fewer asprin in no time.
    
    NF
      

    Games with 30 bazillion pieces.
    
    Games that you have to put together, then take apart again to get
    back in the box so you can put it away so the living room doesn't look
    like a disaster area.
    
    Games that are pointless.  Hey, even "Candy Land" has an element of
    conflict!
    
    Talking Barney.  "You're stuuuuupendous!" is good to hear once in a
    while, but 2,675,984 times a day??
    
    Game Boy.  Especially the "Golf" game with the goofy music.  I'd like
    to take an axe to the #@!$%^&* thing.
    
    Baby Bop.  Please, God, don't let them come out with a "Talking Baby
    Bop!"  At least Barbie can be criticized for being materialistic.  How
    can you beat on a goody-two-shoes like Baby Bop?
    
    Those plastic tubes full of candy that always seem to crack and break.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    

Can I identify with toys with a "million" pieces.  Seems the toys for
22 months of age are puzzles, and put together kind of toys (i.e. Mrs.
potato head, letter and number magnents).  While they are stimulating
and Lauren is having fun with them, I found myself saying "hmmm 80 pieces"
when she opened one toy.

    The first thing I do when a "toy with a million pieces" arrives
    at our home is put the pieces into marked ziplock bags.  These
    bags come in sandwich size up to one or two gallon size.  All
    puzzle piece (within reason) are marked on the back with an 
    identifying number (ie. all pieces for the Sesame Street puzzle
    have the number 1 marked on the back, etc.) before putting them
    into bags.  Then all games with baggies are put up high in a closet 
    in a transparent storage box (you can get these at Target, K-Mart, etc.)
    
    My kids know they can only play with one game/toy at a time and
    because they are up high, I have to get that one game down for them.
    The next game can come down just as soon as the previous game is
    put back into the bag/bags.
    
    Just be careful, some kids may try to stack chairs and pillows 
    high enough to get the games down themselves.  crash.
    
    Jodi-

. . . now that my kids are at the age that the biggest irritation (other than 
the Visa bill) is that they insist on playing with, or using, their gifts 
before I do.  Ingrates!

>    Trucks with LOUD sirens and batteries that run them.  Why don't the
>    batteries ever run out on these things?
 
You have obviously not yet discovered that batteries in things like this have 
an infinite life.  In fact, put a dead battery in, and it will miraculously 
spring back to life.  :^)

re: tape recorder

At least at home you can escape to another room.  Wait till you go for a long 
drive, and you catch yourself humming the song at your desk.

Clay   

    My nephew received a gift from his grandmother called OMEGA VIRUS. 
    When he left, I went out an bought one myself!  I love it!  The only
    thing is the voice is very loud (of the computer) and you certainly
    can't sneak in a game just after the kids go to bed or they will be
    down to play.
    
    -sandy
    

    Russell got a real winner this year at Xmas.  His aunt (who never had
    kids) gave him a train that has 4 buttons on top.  These four buttons
    do a real good imitation of a steam engine.  And, of course, Russell
    loves trains and the sounds.  But wait - it gets better - flip the
    switch and the noise becomes constant as the engine first follows you
    around, then lifts the side wheels and spins. 
    
    marianne  

    COMES TO LIFE BOOKs.  What a bust this was.  My daughter loves the book,
    but I paid a small fortune for the stupid dial-thingy that reads the
    story.  It's suppose to read the story with all the different voices
    from the characters..........well it does.......but they all sound as
    if they are 20 leagues under the sea.  I can't tear my daughter away
    from the book to return it........MEAN Mommy....it just steams like
    such a rip-off.  I was taken in by the cute commercial (silly me).  It
    was the only gift we gave our daughter that we didn't open and try it
    out before wrapping.   You live and learn.
    
    
    When you buy this product you get one book & one dial-thingy.  I'm glad
    the store didn't have more book to buy as accessories.....at the time
    of purchase I was disappointed they didn't.

    For toddlers--
    
        - That popcorn popper pushy thing.  Argh!
        - Also, the See 'n' Say alphabet thing.  I heard "A is for apple" 
          "A is for apple" "A is for apple" all night long..
    
    For anyone:
    
        -  Toys that are so cheap they break the first day.
    
    
    As for game boys, you can always make them turn the sound off... 
                                                                    
    
    

    Things Sarah received that I'd like to give to someone I didn't like 8^)
    
    Toy keyboard. I knew as soon as the wrapping came off that this would
    be a very annoying gift.  It has 6 demo songs that all sound the same,
    and lousy at that.  Plus, if you try to play along with the demo the
    demo music gets LOUDER! I think I'll leave this one in Nana and Papa's
    toy box.
    
    Last year she got a pop up music toy, you hit a key (3 keys in all) and
    an animal pops up and you hear London Bridge.  Well, if you hit another
    key the music resets and you end up hearing London Bridge is falling
    down, <hit another key> London Bridge is <hit 3rd key> London Bridge
    is...  and if you don't push down the animals it just keeps playing and
    playing and playing....  Occassionally it will get squished in the toy
    box and you'll hear it start to play until you are driven crazy enough
    to dump the box on the floor and push the offending animal down.  Last
    night it got delegated to the old toy box in the attic, and of course
    as my husband was putting it up there we heard, London Bridge is
    falling down... I can't believe he didn't take the batteries out!
    
    Jodi, love the idea of numbering each piece, we'll have to try that at
    home.
    
    Susan

    re: .8 - my son also got the Comes to Life Story books.  We noticed
    that if the arrows didn't line up, the voices do sound off, but when it
    was lined up exactly, then the voices were good.  On a couple of pages,
    the voice skipped like a broken record, but on the back inside cover it
    said what to do to fix it.  We got a few different books, and some
    voices are better than others, but all in all we do like it.  Maybe if
    you cleaned the record piece of the page it might help - sometimes dust
    gets in there and that can throw the sound off.  Good luck!
    
    Anyway, the annoying thing we got for Christmas was an ambulance and
    fire truck with the siren noise - you can either push the buttons on
    the side or turn a button on the bottom so the sound is on the whole
    time you're moving the truck and ambulance around!  Gees, I wouldn't
    mind them so much if they made it just a little less noisy!  It really
    grates on your nerves to hear sirens over and over and over and
    over....   Oh well, last year he was into trains, so everything we got
    made LOUD train noises, and at least this year those two trucks were
    the only noisy things he got.
    
    Maybe I'll put ear plugs on my wish list next year.....
    
    Barb

Jodi, do you get 2 gallon trash bags at the grocery store?  I have
only seen  the 1 gallon - 2 would be great for the larger toys.

I'll look around, thanks for the idea.

    I've found the two-gallon bags at a few stores, Shaws in Nashua, for
    example.  They are made by Ziplock, if I remember correctly.  They are
    fabulous for freezing casseroles and whole loaves of Italian bread in.
    
    I am very fussy about the toys that come with a million pieces.  I tend
    to make sure all the pieces are there before they are put away.  We
    have lost very few pieces this way.  But we have a
    Mom-goes-nutso-with-too-many-toys-out problem, so we put toys away
    before we take another out.  
    
    judy

	We've done much the same as Jodi when it comes to many-piece
	toys.

	Emily got a few puzzles for Christmas.  We've put them up on
	the top of her dresser, and will take one down to put
	together as a family in our half-hour family time before bed.

	Many of her other toys get picked up and put into the original
	box (Discovery toys often come with a handy box or mesh bag
	for storage) when play is done.

	Emily actually thinks putting things into their boxes is 95%
	of the fun right now, so it's not too bad!

	As far as the toys go, I'm grateful for every toy Emily got,
	even the noisy ones.  She is getting so much pleasure from
	them, and they keep her occupied for longer stretches than
	her older toys did.  Ok, so I would prefer if her Golden-sound
	storybook DIDN'T have a baby-bop voice on it, but she prefers to
	listen to the music or the water splashes anyway ;-).

	And Daddy got a big kick out of hearing a ringing phone as we
	drove home last night.  I forgot to tell him I'd packed Emily's
	"car phone" for the ride ... ;-)

	Karen

Elise's begged and begged for a fire engine a while
back, and her father gave in.  The man had some sense,
however, and did not put batteries in it.

She took it to daycare one day, and when I went to
get her, I was shocked to find it making sirens
noises.  I had no idea the thing would make noise.

Apparently, a daycare sub, intending a good deed,
figured the batteries were dead and put some in it.

So, now we omit the batteries whenever we can, but
put a note in the battery compartment so no one
does us a favor...

Pat

    
    The two all-time worst toy gifts this year are the Attack-Pack
    Slime-a-nator and an Ant Farm.   The slime for the slime-a-nator
    carries a warning that it sticks to fabric and carpet and will
    damage wood furniture; it *may* come out with vinegar and water
    but dry cleaning will not remove it.   Yup, that's a great gift
    for a four-year-old!   
    
    Both these gifts came from my brother's family - I'm going to
    spend the next 5 months figure out a gift for their son's 3rd
    birthday in June that will be an appropriate PAYBACK!
    
    Carol

    Carol,
    
    I like "noisy" toys for people who give my kids something totally
    inappropriate.  However, there are worse things you can do.  I am not
    trying to offend anyone, so please take this in good humor.  
    
    If the child involved is a girl, I reccomend getting a Barbie, with an
    extra dress with little, tiny buttons.  Some of the adventure dolls for
    boys are every bit as bad, with little pieces that can get lost in the
    carpet.    
    
    The other thing to get which is quite inexpensive is a "terminator" key
    chain.  They are practically indestructable, and the batteries last,
    and last.  
    
    Meg, who has been victimized by all of the above by a friend who has no
    kids. 

Unasked for advice:  remember you are trying to teach/hurt/whatever the
parents, not the kids.  Therefore, in my somewhat-humble opinion, you should
get something that will not distress (preferably delight) the child, while
driving the adult(s) up the wall.  Noisy, therefore, would work better than
something a child would have difficulty with.

     Carol

For noisy toys ... try Hungry Hungry Hippos!!!!

Arrrggghhhhhhhhh!

Neat game butNOISY!

Stuart

    Carol,
    
    that is what I had in mind.  the Barbie with the little, tiny buttons,
    was the bain of my existance, not Carrie's.  she would look at me with
    the "I know that a wonderful Mama like you can button this," look. I am 
    so far-sighted that I couldn't even see the button holes without
    glasses and at the time TOS was seriously impacting my dexterity.  But
    how can you refuse a child with that look?  Also there is the "Now that
    I have Malibu Stacy, I want the new-improved Big Sur Stacey doll, the
    new car, and the fantastic new formal clothing for them both.  Barbie's
    are expensive.
    
    Meg  

    My 3 year old received (from his grandparents) one of those toy pistols 
    that makes loud, irritating electronic sounds.  The device is loud enough 
    to cause ear damage at the higher frequencies.  I need to install
    permanently weak batteries to get the volume down.

    
    Or what about an electronic 'Rock and Roll' guitar with buttons for
    notes rather than strings. Its even got a microphone with it for
    singing along! The worst is that when you switch it on, it
    automatically plays 'You are my sunshine, my only sunshine' in a sort
    of beepy Hank Marvin type tremelo sound. Bad, it gets worse, my boy has
    discovered that by switching it on and off, you get a nice tune based
    on the first few notes of 'Sunshine', repeatedly. I don't discourage
    this as we live in hope that the switch will break with so much use. It
    hasn't yet and the thing is getting on for two years old!
    Now, imagine this with batteries that are running down. Yep, it is all
    slightly out of tune and you are definitely ready for the little men in
    white coats! I must admit, I bought the damned thing as I play guitar
    and had visions of my boy being another Clapton......
    
    I do have a good trick with batteries however. When they're not
    looking, turn one of the batteries round so its not connected
    correctly... 
    
    'Oh dear, the batteries seem to have run out and its Sunday and all the
    shops are shut.... never mind, here's the Lego!!!'
    
    Dave
    
                              

    I'm surprised no one has mentioned the Bumble Ball, which the two
    friends who gave one to my 18-month old said was on the "top 10" list
    for toys this year.  The thing drives my husband and me crazy, but 
    every kid who's come into our house this season has loved it.  (For 
    those who care, it's a 8" or so ball covered with colorful, plastic 
    pegs.  When you turn on the switch and put the thing on the floor, it
    bounces around and makes a high-pitched noise.  If you so much as touch
    it, it goes flying and ricochets in an amusing manner.  If it weren't
    for the noise, it would be ok.
    Re .1, Ryan also got a tape which we have heard endlessly since
    Christmas-Elmo's favorite songs.  It's not so bad, but I do find myself
    humming "Hokie Pokie" and "Oscar's Grouch Band" when I should be 
    enjoying more adult thoughts!  He's become so obsessed with it that 
    last weekend when he was sick and awoke in the middle of the night, he
    called for Elmo instead of Mom or Dad.  Kind of insulting, but we are 
    trying to cope with this new member of the family!
    
    Agnes Buchanan

    Andy has a few toys that have electronic noises.  Last year, I read 
    somewhere that you have to be very careful with children under three,
    because theirs ears are extra sensitive.  So, we started putting
    masking tape (sometimes with a piece of cotton under it) over the
    speakers.  
    
    He has a electronic toy with a steering wheel, phone buttons, colored
    shapes and music buttons that he really likes.  Sometimes he starts a
    song, and we dance around the room to it.  Its a fun toy, but the
    volume really can't be healthy for such a young child.  That one got
    the masking tape over the speaker right away, and its really very
    bearable now.

    
    My nephew was given "Creepy Crawlers" for Xmas.  It was one of
    my favorite gifts as a child.....making rubber insects with the
    heating unit and mixing colors was so much fun!
    
    I'm in trouble for buying him K'nex, the 700 pc (?) version. 
    5 yr olds and small pieces don't mix....(;
    
    Of course, I gave him Play Doh for his birthday, and that grinds
    into the carpet very nicely....
    
    Lynne

    I wish people would stop giving my 6-year-old daughter make-up kits,
    perfume, etc.  She absolutely loves it, of course, but I have a strong
    aversion to it, and...

    L.

    re .16:  Try a puppy -- a very large breed like a St. Bernard, a
    Newfoundland, a Labrador Retriever....
    
    You may also wish to consider a set of drums.  However, bear in mind
    that what goes around, comes around.

    
    Well, of all the loud/obnoxious gifts my kids have gotten, the worst
    by far is the Fisher Price Marching Band.  This was a few years back
    and I'm not even sure they make it anymore (wishful thinking?).
    
    It comes complete with a drum, a set of cymbals, a tamborine, a
    slide-flute thing,  (I think it's supposed to look like a sax)and a
    band-leader's hat that doesn't stay on.  So aside from being very loud,
    it's annoying to the kid (the hat).  There might also have been a kazoo
    with it.
    
    Years later I'm still stumbling across pieces that I thought I'd tossed
    out, and every once in a while that damn flute shows up - which, with
    VERY little effort can reach the loudest piercing noise I've ever
    heard.
    
    From my brother - and boy did he laugh when he gave it to my son!  
    
    I think the next worse was the Light Bright, given to a different son,
    before he could read to know what color pegs the letters stood for ...
    "Mommy!  Is this a p or an r?" "Mommy, is this peg pink or orange?"
    "Mommy, what color is W?"  "Mommy! what color is E?"  "Mommy!! is this
    a v or a u?"  "Mommy, I picked it up to move it and all the pegs fell
    out - will you help me put it back together again?? .... "  GROAN!  
    
    This year we made out pretty well - the only thing at all that seemed
    aggravating were some hand-held electronic games that they wanted ME to
    show them how to get through the various worlds ... now we're into
    games I can't do - maybe CandyLand wasn't so bad ?? (-:
    

    Here's my contribution to the WORST!!
    
    My son's Godfather gave him a dump truck, that is motion sensitive. 
    All you have to do it just about *breath* near it, and it starts with
    first the ignition reving up, then it "engages" with a loud chug, chug,
    then  you hear a man's voice saying "load 'em up" and then you hear
    several gear shifts, as it sounds like the thing is driving away.  It
    also has three buttons if you want to hear just parts of the above
    segments separately.
    
    NOW.... his Godfather really needs to have revenge given to him.  Along
    with the truck came an extra set of batteries, AND instructions that
    when the batteries went dead, AJ was to call and tell him and he'd be
    GLAD to come and replace them for him....!!  Of course you say
    something like that to a 5 or 6 year old, and he's got the memory of
    an elephant!!
    
    His Godfather said he went down each aisle at Toys R Us, tested all the
    trucks (this truck comes with temporary batteries in it, for testing)
    and chose the one with the most noise.  Maybe I should call his
    Godfather at night when I stumble over it in the dark, and start the
    series of noises, and wake the kid up?!?!?!  GRRRRR!!
    
    Lyn

    
    Better yet, lynn, make the trucka "special toy".  Aj can only play with
    it when the godfather is there to share the fun.
    
    Maybe you could even arrange for him to babysit AJ some day.... and
    send the truck along!
    
    
    
    Jamd