Conference marvin::uk_music

    My hatred one recently was that song 'The Twilight Zone`.
    The beginning sounded quite good, and then the really awful
    bit came in.......yes that woman starts to sing, she is soooo
    bad, she sound in pain.  Someone should shoot her and put her 
    out her misery.
    
    
    Susannah.
    
    

    
    
    	Anything by Tanita Tikaram...
    
    	Have you ever woken up in the morning and switched on the radio and
    there she is, Ms Tikaram in all her glory. No warning, she's just
    there. That's when you know you're onto a bad day. You know straight
    away that you should just switch the radio off and go back to bed.
    Unfortunately my manager doesn't accept Tanita Tikaram as a fatal disease
    that warrants a day off work.
    
    	Why do Breakfast DJs play depressing music like hers and The Smiths/
    Morrisey first thing in the morning? I reckon it's through sheer spite.
    They got lumbered with a job that meant that they have to get up at
    3:00 in the morning, and the only enjoyment they can get out of their
    job is to ruin our day for us. I can picture them in their studio
    looking at their watches, counting down the seconds to 07:00, and then,
    just as the nation wakes up, "And now, with the time at 7 o'clock,
    Leonard Cohen..."
    
    	I've moved away from the point a bit, haven't I?
    
    Graham.  

    
    
    RE: 1018.1 and Mr Big
    
    Exellent band, totally naff song.
    
    But do you hate it more than Fords ?  8^)

    Anything by Stevie Wonder, Nat King Cole, Dionne Warwick, Michael Jackson,
    or New Kids on the Block.  Also not forgetting that song that was
    re-released a couple of years ago, Lovely Day.

    Aaarrrggghhh!

    Goldy.

    PS Also the Mobile Phone Centre adverts on Essex Radio!!

    Re .5 - slight sweeping statement there if ever I heard one...
    
    I also agree with a couple of notes back who said "To be with you"
    was absolutely gross.  It's got to be the worst record I've heard
    in a long time.

    Nothing - like NOTHING - could ever be as bad as 'Take your breath
    away' by Berlin - that has to be the most awful, obnoxious, bland, pile
    of C**P I have ever heard.  I HATE IT!
    
    Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
    
    Mikef

    Anything by Jive Bunny.

    
    Nope,Nope,Nope,Nope,Nope!!,
    
    For Me It has * GOT * to be that awful Crystal Waters /
    Gypsy Woman song....
    
    La la dee ,la la dah 
    la la dee ,la la dah
    la la dee ,la la dah 
    la la dee ,la la dah    
    .............. ad nauseum
    
    Personally I would rather scratch my nails down a chalky
    blackboard!!!!!!!!
    
    Sandie...../

    
    Nahhhhhhhhhhhhh,
    
    You've got to rank some of Stevie Wonder's stuff up there (Ebony &
    Ivory takes it for me, or maybe I Just Called To Say I Love You!),
    although he has done some really good stuff too.
    
    And then there's Lay-Deee In Red!
    
    Mark

    Pearl Jam & EMF - anytime, but especially in the morning it surely makes
    me thankful to have a cassette player...

    Andy ;^)

   All these replies, and nobody's mentioned "Deeply Dippy" yet.
   I must be in a minority ... :-)

   Dave

2-Unlimited. The song which got to N0 1 before Christmas. Boy are we paying
the price for allowing kids to knock up songs on their PC's in the bedroom.


or


Shakespear's Cistern with "Stay." More like go away yer hags. 

barry.

    Nah nah nah nah nah,
    
    	The worst I can think of is that col. Abrahams's Womble song some
    years ago. It has a take off that went "were are you all coming from,
    We're from dartmoor on the run". What total garbage. 
    
    I wished I had never remembered that , I feel ill.
    
    
    Garry

    It wasn't the Wombles, it was the Smurfs.

    Let's all smurf together, it's smurfing kind of weather....

Colonel Abraham (possibly a Jonathan King pseudonym) was reponsible for the 
Smurf records: Mike Batt did the Wombles.

+Mark+

    Ok, ok,
    
    	I got it wrong. Either was both were dross.
    
    
    
    

    God None of you have got it right!!
    
    
    Father Abrahams did the smurfs !!!!
    
    Col Abrahams did "Trapped"
    

    Hang on a minute. If Col Abraham was behind the Smurfs (don't titter)
    then who was that Disco chappy who wore the Hussar-like jacket with
    the shoulder pads and sung something along the lines of "I'm Trapped."
      
    
    barry.
    
    

    
    
    
    Hang on then, it was Father Abraham and it was the smurfs. 
    
    
    	At least there's one thing that was right 
    
    
    
    	        
                	It was Dross
    
    
    	( not to be confused with Bros)
    
    
    Garry

    I'll tell you what song got on my bleedin nerves lately....
    
    
    
    
    Bohemian Bleedin Rapsody....
    
    
    I loved Queen,  but they did do other songs..
    

    How about this one
    
    
    
    
    			Wos a matter you
    
                              By
    
    
    		Joe Dolche ( excuse any miss spelling)
    
    
    Garry

    
    Re: - by Joe Dolce (sp)
    
    and if hear Brian bloody Adams and everything I do, I do it for
    you just one more time......
    
    Rich
    

    Re .14 plus:
    
    	You're ALL wrong!
    
    	The Smurf's (as others have said) was Father Abrahams. There was a
    	a takeoff by "Father Abraphart and the Smurps" (Jonathon King).
    
    	However, the song mentioned in .14 was "A Taste of Aggro" by the 
        Barron Knights:
    
    	"Where are you all coming from?
         we're from Dartmoor, on the run.
    	 What were you in prison for?
    	 we borrowed a safe from the bank next door.
    	 Why do you all talk that way?
    	 'cos we're from Clapham, 'aint we, eh!"
    
    	I'd just like to say I like *all* the music mentioned in this
    	topic (in fact I've got most of it!).
    
    	Ian (the tasteless).

    
    
    
    			predictable really McWegg

    
    
    	This weeks prize for courage beyond the course of duty goes to .24
    for admitting that they like these...
    
    Graham.

Re .22:  The Joe Dolce 'song' was called "Shaddap you face". On the Richter
scale of uttercrap, it's off the scale. Awesome in its awfulness - but a big
chart hit.


Rod

    	What about Benny Hill's greatest then? Now there's a classic.
    
    	"He knew when she'd sampled his layered cake,
    	 he'd have his wicked way,
    	 and all Ernie had to offer
    	 was a pint of milk a day!"
    
    	Re-released next week, music fans!
    
    	Ian.

    
    Going way off the original track :-
    
    Re Benny Hill's ERNIE : Has anyone heard about a Frankie Howerd version
    of I'm Too Sexy?
    
    Mark

    At present, the worst song in the UK charts which makes me sick after 
    1 minutes play is ..
    
    	Knocking on Heavens Door - Guns 'n' Roses
    
    Its a great song , and the group ain't the worst in the world but that
    guy destroy's it .....he's a wicked singer .....urgh ....
    
    
    Good cause ot not ...its garbage with a capital 'G'
    
    Walker

    How about Roxette?  They're terrible.  I hated that song of theirs,
    Joyride.  

    re .31
    
    I hate that cover version by Guns 'n' Roses. 
    
    But not as much as the cover of Stairway to Heaven done by the Far
    Corporation a couple of years ago.
    
    Yyyyyuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkk bbbbbllllleeeeaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh
    
    Balders

    re .32
    
    Oh no, please, not another argument about Roxette? 
    
    barry.
    

    Yup, yup, yup - they're all bad (except of course the 'Berlin' song -
    but I guess I'm just a softy at heart!)
    
    but NOTHING can beat Def Leppard's 'Lets get thr rock outa here' for
    bad playing, bad taste and general irritability - especially if you
    hear it played live.
    
    Cath
     

    
    Why argue? :^)
    
    I record I liked was Guns'n'Roses version of Live and Let Die.
    
    I can't say I much like the current number 1, though (yet another
    poor cover version, or that thing by Texas or Curiosity, have people
    forgotten how to write songs?).
    
    Mark

    Ok this time I can't remember the name of the song but the band/group/
    insult on intelligence was 'THE FIRM'. 
    
    
    	For McWegg's benefit it went something like.
    
    
    	There's kingons on the starboard bow ,startboard bow, starboard bow
    	There's kingons on the starboard bow ,startboard bow, starboard bow
        Wipe 'em out Jim.
    
    
        excuse me while go throw up...
    
    
    	Garry
    

    
    Its 'Clingons' not 'Kingons'. Its about Star Trek 8^)
    
    "Star Trekin', accross the universe"
    "On the Starship Enterprise along with Captain Kirk"
    
    Etc..

    How about this as a nomination for the worst band.
    
    
    	The Bay City Rollers!!!!!

    How about - Kiss and God Gave Rock'n Roll!!!!!!!!
    
    		stuart.

> Kiss and God Gave Rock'n Roll

But that song saved the world! WYLD STALLYNS ROOOL!

    everything from Michael Jackson  (worse is only MJ on video)
    everthing from Salt'n'peppa
    most from Prince
    
    andrea                                               

    
    Well, it's got to be anything, ever that Pink Floyd have done.

    Oh yeah, I forgot Prince.  Talentless and pretentious.

    And another awful song: Frankie by Sister Sledge.  It was No 1 for weeks.

    re:> .45 - Now stop! I won't have a WORD said against Pink Floyd - the
    greatest rock band ever to grace the Earth with their presence! Have
    some respect man!
    
    Cath
    

    Yeah, rockers with their fingers on the pulse of today's youth!
    
    
    
    Come to think of it, Pink Floyd were aged rockers when _I_ was a 
    youth! :^)
    
    Mark

    I WON'T HAVE A WORD SAID AGAINST FLOYD.
    
    Apart from being the coolest Muppet out. 
    
    Many of you don't realise that Dave Gilmour is probable on more of your
    records than any other guitarist, espec sloppy ballads. 
    
    Nick Mason's a git but Garry Wallis does it all for him now don't he!!!
    
    And Prince is probable the most talented and respected musician in
    terms of contempary music.  He has written countless no. 1's for all
    artists worldwide.  he knocks tunes out faster than you lot can
    pontificate about whether Danni Bleeding Minogue is as Trendy as Ride.
    
    Cheerio
    

    I would love to tell you what I think of Prince but I'd probably get
    moderated!

    
    
    
    A lot of these you may think are really bad but hands up lets
    all be honest about it.........you hear it on the radio on the 
    way to work and you can't stop yourself from humming it or 
    whistling........that has to be more irratating than the song
    itself.
    
    
    Peter.

    
    Re .51
    
    Isn't that the definition of a bad record?
    
    Mark

    re .48> I'm STILL a youth (well, I'm under 30...) talent is ageless
            I'm sure that Floyd collect new and younger fans by the day!
    
    Cath
    
    

    
    You don't have to be old to be aged! :^)
    
    Mark (30 something (well 30-nothing actually) and I hate Dire Straits
    too :^)).

    ...but everyone hates Dire Straits, regardless of age, sex, creed, or
    colour, don't they?
    
    

    
    No, Bryan Adams fans think they're great! :^)
    
    Mark

    Yeah, but Bryan Adams fans even think Bryan Adams is great.
    
    Piers

    
    Hard to credit, isn't it?
    
    Mark

    
    Anything By "New Kids on the block" is easily enough for me to smash
    my brand new really expensive stereo up. Also any rave tracks really
    get up my nose 
    
    Quote 
    "Everybody who is in the place, Lets go!"
    Repeat 25 times and you've got a rave "tune" to rival the best.
    
    Greg...

    do you remember that idiotic German group Trio and that c*ap song
    	"DA DA DA" from a few  years back???

    'The tough get going' by Billy Ocean and anything by Mc Hammer...
    
    How come Hammer does so well in the charts though ?. I mean who
    actually buys the records ???. What a load of annoying crap !
    
    
    Mc Hawkesy !
    (er... I think not)

    Re .61> Was that Kraftwerk?
    
    Cath
    
    

    no, it was TRIO (as correctly mentioned in .61). The band does not
    exist anymore, only their singer - Stefan Remmler - has got some solo
    hits since that time (Keine Sterne in Athen... e.g.).
    in my opinion not that bad, if you don't listen to it too often..
    andrea

    Anything by Chris De Turd. He should be tried for crimes against music.
    
    Phil Gill.

    
    Yeah, good idea Phil Gill !...
    
    We should have all the crap singers and bands tried in a court of law
    for all their terrible, terrible crimes.
    
    Bring justice to the Hammer (and other crap rappers!)
    
    J_u_D_g_E h_A_w_K_e_S_y_!
    

    Erasure - now they are gross - they have an E.P. covering four Abba
    songs and in the video - you guessed it - the singer dresses up as the 
    two men and Anna and Frieda - is that the right names?
    
    A vote for The Sultans Of Ping with Where's Me Jumper.

    Neil and "Hole in my shoe"
    
    anything by shakin stevens

    Erasure make me want to puke!!! They are the ultimate in "Contrived
    Nancy Boy Christ only knows what the bloody hell they think they are
    total and complete - We can't write songs,  and By the Way have you
    ever noticed how all of our songs have the same bloody bass line ....."
    
    
    
     BOLLOX
    
    
    
    Angry of dec park
    

    I understand that old Shakey was once a "sound" rocker who used to
    do the pub circuit. He also plays for Fulchester Rovers which
    IMHO puts him above contempt in this ere note. 
    
    barry. 

    
        >>"My Boomerang Won't Come Back" by Mick Hucknall.
    
        What?!

    Actually, I must admit to liking Wilson Phillips version of "Daniel".
    A stonker of a song.

    It's good that I read .60 othw I would of planted those two in this
    one.
     ;^)
    
    Jan.

    That blummen 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' always winds me up. 
    
    Bob

    
    I also HATE Gun's & Roses version of 'Knockin on heavens door', it's
    such a lovely song for that wee naffy person to sing.
    
    I really hate the Smiths, their songs are almost funny they are that
    boring, I remember one going something like this,
    
                                   I am so depressed blah blah blah....
    
    Neither wonder looking like that!  he walks around really stupid
    with a bunch of flowers sticking out his back pocket.
    
    
    Ssuannah
    
    
      
    

    
    Ah, a note which makes sense! :^)
    
    Mark
    

>                     <<< Note 1018.81 by PAKORA::SLESLIE >>>
>        
>    I really hate the Smiths, their songs are almost funny they are that
>    boring, I remember one going something like this,
>    
>                                   I am so depressed blah blah blah....
>    
>    Neither wonder looking like that!  he walks around really stupid
>    with a bunch of flowers sticking out his back pocket.
    
    Just when the Ravers are winning the sympathy vote a note like this
    comes along and blows it.
    
    May I just point out that a) this criticism would have been with-it and
    current oh, at least as late as 1986, and b) The Smiths broke up years
    ago.
    
    
    Rod  (doesn't own any Smiths records)
    

    My man Mozz abandoned the flowers in 84.
    
    Mikef

    
    I actually used to feel the same way about The Smiths (re: depressing,
    etc.) until I actually bought a record and (wait for it) *listened* to
    them.  There's a hell of a lot of humour in Morrissey's lyrics along
    with some good toons from Johnny Marr.  Flippin' eck, I may actually go
    out and buy another album.
    
    Paul

Well said there Paul !

Woz

    
    Re .84
    
    Eh? When I read .82 it says he "ABHORS" Cliff, not "ADORES"! :^)
    
    Mark

    RE .85

    Well Rod, because this note was opened to put everybody's opinionated
    criticism forward I hardly think your slagging off what I said was
    fair.  Yes I do know they split up around 86 and they have not really
    been seen for a while.  There were other noters that have already put
    in criticizing  Benny Hill's song and 70's and 80's groups that are not
    around now.
    So get out of this note Rod if you don't like reading criticism of OLD
    bands, because this is note is for any song or band, old or new.

    I still think The Smiths are crap, you really sound like a fan to me
    Rod,  are you sure your not keeping  this a secret?

    Susannah.

title in .92 unfortunately reminds me of that luvverly tune 
"Don't Worry Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin. Ugh, was that a depressing little
ditty or what?!




...Art


ps. 'there is a light...' is one of the most uplifting songs penned by Morrisey

    
    Some people in this conference could well do with taking a few
    tolerance tabs.
    
    Paul

    re .last
    
    Yup, there's a tetchy lot in here lately.

I'm surprised that no one has mentioned the Stock Aitken & Waterman clones:

	Kylie "Why don't you go back to OZ and leave us alone" Minogue
	Sonia "I'm A thick Scouse **** without a last name"
	Jason "The Male Kylie Minogue" Donovan"
	Danni "My sister does it so why shouldn't I" Minogue

	Also anything by Madonna.

	And ....

		Boney M
		Sigue Sigue Sputnik (Sp??)
		Wham! (Their image not the music)

	My most disliked song of all time is "What's a' Matter you" by Joe Dolce.
Not because of the song, when it first came out I thought it was quite funny ( I
was only 15 ), but because it kept my favourite record of all time ( so far )
Vienna by Ultravox at number 2.

	I'd just like to add my support to the following:

	Erasure
	Sister Sledge ( Frankie - I heard it in the car the other day and almost
			crashed )
	any (C)Rap, Rave, House

	There must be more .....

That certainly does make me feel better..   for now

Al

    Boney M??????? They wuz brilliant, especially that guys dance routines.
    
    barry.

Re .96:  As someone helpfully pointed out, one of my earlier slagging-off
notes (.27) gave the correct name for the Joe Dolce song, which certainly 
wasn't "What's a' Matter you". (As if anyone cared.) Anyway, lay off Kylie.
She is wonderful. Madonna too.

Re .91:  Aaargh, my guilty secret found out! I blush red with horrid shame!
Actually at the time the Smiths were current I was well into the Cocteaus and
New Order and kind of ignored the Smiths. I regret that now as I realise what
a good band they were. I did unintentionally lie when I said I had no Smiths
records because when I think about it I have acquired some of their records
over the years. 

Since I like some rave music too can't I be forgiven?


Rod

>	Sister Sledge ( Frankie - I heard it in the car the other day and almost
>			crashed )

That's funny! :-) I can imagine the police report... :-) (mind you, I can see
why you nearly crashed too!)

								- JIM CAD*

    re:91
          Susannah what's wrong with oor Morrissey???? I realy like their
          music i find some of lyrics funny if you sit and listen
          carefully.I never used to like them but the more i listend to
          them the better the music gets and it doesn't seem depressing
          at all.....
          I 'll give you a tape for your car let it play about 20 times
          and you will be hooked......:-)  :-)       Or dead......!!!
    
    
          Katrina....

    LONG LIVE MOZZA
    ANYWAY, I HAVE JUST READ THROUGH 51 NOTES JUST SO I CAN EXPRESS MY
    DISGUST AT NOTE 49. HOW DARE YOU COMPARE THAT CRAP OZ BIMBO FART 
    DANNI MINOUGE WITH RIDE,AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
    GOOD INTENTIONS OR NOT , IT STINKS!
    ANYWAY RIDE AND THE SMITHS ARE GREAT IF PEOPLE WILL GIVE THEM A
    CHANCE.
    I CAN NOT EXPRESS MY DISLIKE FOR ERASURE'S CURRENT ABBA COVERS.THEY
    REALLY ARE POOR.I'D RATHER LISTEN TO THE WASHING MACHINE THAN ERASURE.
    AT LEAST THE WASHING MACHINE PLAYS ORIGINAL SOUNDS......
    CHEERIO,
             STEVE T

Has anyone not seen the "Morrissey, Rock God or Tw*t?" article in VIZ this
month? It is truly excellent! I leave it for you to decide what was the
verdict (although it's surely a foregone conclusion...). VIZ has been rather
tired of late but I find this one somewhat better - especially when I didn't
buy it! ;)

If it were not for copyright-type things I'd post the article here...

								- JIM CAD*

	Not to mention the super article on the EuroStool.

	F-reg.

Nah - it was Student Rag that did it for me! 

	"I can't go on the Student Load protest; I have to see my bank
	manager about increasing my overdraft"

	"The beer has gone up to sixpence a pint!"

	Nirvana and The Happy Mondays to you all ...

Dougie

    There is one song around at the moment that always gets me reaching for
    the 'off' switch on my radio; it's that blasted single by Shakespears
    Sister. I hated it the first time I heard it, and my loathing grows
    ever more intense every time I can't quite avoid the opening few bars
    before turning off.
    
    Oh, and the new one by the Beautiful South is starting to have the same
    effect too....
    
    Bob

    
    RE: Viz on Moz
    
    Go on, post it. I'm sure the moderator will look the other way, and
    can you really see Viz suing you ?

    The wall by Stink Floyd.
    
    An' they can't even _talk_ propa.
    
    "we don't need no ed-jew-cay-shun' " 
    
    Like 'ell you don't, you naff gits.
    
    c, martin 

>>    An' they can't even _talk_ propa.

I agree but don't you mean TAWK?

Ed

    Couple of my fave hate bands/artists:
           
                                                                           
                      * Rozalla
    
    	* Dire Straits
    * Simply Red
    * Pet Shop Boys
    * Bruce Springsteen
    * "New" Genesis
    * Phil Collins
    

Wow, what a great "hate" list! :-) I'd go along with it full steam.

								- JIM CAD*

Talk a load of bollocks, Howard! By gum.. you should here the pap he listens
to!

								- JIM CAD*

    Least I dont listen to music just for the image it portrays.
    
    Barry
    

    Who is "Rozalla"?
    
    From the rest of the list I know I'll hate 'em.
    
    Razz Dazzle

    RE: .115
    
    Oooooooooohhhhh! Biting sarcasm at it's best! I knew you had it in you
    Barry! Every since you said Alice's poetry was crap, I knew you would
    blossom in the end ...
    
    Dj
    

    Award has *gotta* go to 'Achy Breaky Heart'.

In my role as all-round nice guy, I'll help out ::rdavis. Rozalla is a
techno singer responsible for big club hits like "Faith (in the power of
love)". Although she's easy on the eye, the music's pretty irritating.


Rod

    Cheers "Paco Man".......thats Dougie Nesbit to his friends 
    
    barry
    

You know I don't listen to the music for the image at all, just that it's much
more interesting listening than pap-pop-crap. Quite frankly I "wouldn't wanna"
look like Spiggy Eldritch nor Tibet at all, it's just not the same lame arse
"safe" road to boredom or those 16 favourites sample fannied around with a bit
again...

								- JIM CAD*

    Is "shallow" your favourite word then Jim.........
    
    How come all gothics seem to think that they are so deep (man) and that
    everyone else is shallow !!
    
    Barry
    

I didn't know they did? Perhaps "restricted mindset" is more apt?

An ineffable aptitude to pre-judge others and impose non-existent traits?

								- JIM CAD*

    
    FORTY2::CADWALLADER and FORTY2::HOWARD.
    
    Why don't you just shout over the partitions at each other, rather than
    boring the rest of us to death ?
    
    Trevor

You sure make a lot of noise for a dead man! :-)

								- JIM CAD*

    re .110... you forgot Level 42
    
    Chris

    Oh, I forgot.  Ride are a bunch of spotty little twats and I hate them.

    
    Rolf Harris's cover version of Stairway to Heaven....
    
    and his latest attemp ???
    
     I can't get no Satisfaction (ex Rolling Stones) 
     must be the worst record's in the last 5 years.
    
     SQF Jambo 

    Well, we found it. Knew there had to be some mention of Rolf Harris's
    new single/album somewhere on this thing!!!
    
    From the time immemorial he was, is, and always will be!
    
    How long have we waited to hear such classics given that "Rolf" touch?
    
    "Smoke on the water"
    "Walk on the wild side"
    "Satisfaction"
    
    Let's hope we don't have to wait too long for his version of those 70's
    disco classics "Disco inferno", "Born to be alive", "Staying alive" or
    "YMCA"!!!!
    
    keep up the good work Rolf, they may be covers, but they're a hell of a
    lot better than most of the songs around at the moment.
    
    julie
    
    
    
    

    I haven't bought it but I quite like the song.

    Jane.

"AAaaaann' IIIII'lllll be theeeeere, foooooreeever aaaaan' a daaaeeeeeeeeey, 
Aaaaaaallllllwwwwaaaaaeeeeeeeees"

Tripe.  Total, unmitigated crud.  Jon Bon Poodle at his best - Which is crap.

    Verry Sappy..But his Voice is Still good.