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[The Rockford Files Homepage]
Here is the list of those unusual messages always popping up on Jim's
machine, as compiled by Ken Christ and Alex McEwan. There's also a site
created by Dave Archer that generates these messages randomly and is pretty
neat.
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The Rockford Files (a.k.a. Backlash Of The Hunter) [001] (currently
unavailable)
First Season
------------
The Kirkoff Case [101] Jim, It's Norma at the market. It bounced. You want
us to tear it up, send it back, or put it with the others.
The Dark And Bloody Ground [102] (currently unavailable)
The Countess [103] Hey Rockford, very funny. I ain't laughing. You're
gonna' get yours.
Exit Prentiss Carr [104] (currently unavailable)
Tall Woman In Red Wagon [105] (currently unavailable)
This Case Is Closed [106] Really want Shimbu in the seventh? C'mon, that
nag couldn't go a mile in the back of a pickup truck. Call me.
The Big Ripoff [107] (currently unavailable)
Find Me If You Can [108] This is the blood bank. If you don't have malaria,
hepatitis, or TB, we'd like to have a pint of your blood.
In Pursuit Of Carol Thorne [109] (currently unavailable)
The Dexter Crisis [110] (currently unavailable)
Caledonia--It's Worth A Fortune [111] (currently unavailable)
Profit And Loss Part One: Profit [112] (currently unavailable)
Profit And Loss Part Two: Loss [113] (currently unavailable)
Aura Lee, Farewell [114] Mr. Rockford? You don't know me, but I'd like to
hire you. Could you call me at...my name is, uh, never mind. Forget it.
Sleight Of Hand [115] Rockford, this is Mr. Dow. If you think I'm going to
pay to have your car repainted, you're nuts. You can take your expense bill
and stuff it.
Counter Gambit [116] Jim, it's John. I'm at the airport. I'm going to
Tokyo and want to repay the $500 I owe you. Catch you next year when I get
back.
Claire [117] Mr. Rockford? This is the Thomas Crown School of Dance and
Contemporary Etiquette. We aren't going to call again. Now, you want these
free lessons, or what?
Say Goodbye To Jennifer [118] This is Mrs. Lindis. Three times this month
I come to clean and it always looks like people been fighting in there.
Furniture broke, things tipped over. I'm sorry, but I quit.
Charlie Harris At Large [119] Hey, Jim, it's me. Susan Ellis from the
laundromat. You said you were going to call and it's been two weeks.
What's wrong, you lose my number?
The Four Pound Brick [120] This is Shirley from the bank. The answers are:
no, no and yes. No, we won't loan you money. No, we won't accept any
co-signers; and yes, your account's overdrawn. I get off at 4:30.
Just By Accident [121] This is Thelma Sue Bigsly. It's about the research
I called you about, family tree. Did you talk to your daddy? We may be kin.
Roundabout [122] This is Marilyn Reed, I want to talk to you...is this a
machine? I don't talk to machines.
Second Season
-------------
The Aaron Ironwood School Of Success [201] Hi, Jim. We couldn't reach you,
so we went ahead with the job and I know you're really going to dig it. But
if you don't I suppose we can always tear it out.
The Farnsworth Strategem [202] Rockford, this is Tony. Now, your car's
ready. Couldn't reach you, so I went ahead and put in the new pistons. The
tab's $527.54. And this time we're talking cash.
Gearjammers Part One [203] Okay, pal, it's Harry. I just checked my car. You
kept the battery charged all right, you also put 3500 miles on it.
Gearjammers Part Two [204] Jimmy, it's Angel. Don't pay no attention to my
other message. You're out of it. You're clean, no trouble at all. Just
ignore the first message.
The Deep Blue Sleep [205] Hi, Jim. Thanks for the dinner invitation. I'd
love to, but does it have to be the taco stand?
The Great Blue Lake Land And Development Company [206] Hello-Jim-Rockford's-
machine. This-is-Larry-Doheny's-machine. Will-you-please-have-your-master-
call-my-master-at-his-convenience? Thank-you. Thank-you. Thank-you.
The Real Easy Red Dog [207] Jim? It's Shirley at the cleaners. You know
that brown jacket, the one I said looked so great on you? Your favorite.
We lost it.
Resurrection In Black And White [208] Hiya, Jimmy, it's Cousin Lou. Going
to be in town a coupla days. Know you won't mind putting us up. It's just
me and Aunt Sissy and B.J. and the kids and little Freddie.
Chicken Little Is A Little Chicken [209] Jim, it's Beth. You have the vet's
number, the flea collar and extra litter. One thing I forgot, keep him away
from other cats. He's not very discriminating.
2 Into 5.56 Won't Go [210] Jim, it's Maria over at the laundromat. There's
a yellow dress in with your things. Is that a mistake, or special handling,
or what?
Pastoria Prime Pick [211] Hey, Jimbo, Dennis. Really appreciate the help on
the income tax. Wanna help on the audit now?
The Reincarnation Of Angie [212] Hi, Jim, it's Jamie at the police impound.
They picked up your car again. Lately, they've been driving it more than
you have.
The Girl In The Bay City Boys Club [213] Hi, sonny, it's Rocky. I got the
bill and I've been trying to figure what everybody owes on L.J.'s birthday
party. Tell me, did you have the Pink Lady?
The Hammer Of C Block [214] It's Jack. The check is in the mail. Sorry it's
two years late. Sorry I misfigured my checking account and I'm overdrawn.
Sorry I stopped payment on it. So, when it comes, tear it up. Sorry.
The No-Cut Contract [215] (currently unavailable)
A Portrait Of Elizabeth [216] Jim, it's Harry. We've been waitin' on you
for two hours at the Forbes'. Where's the forks? Lazagna ain't no
finger-food.
Joey Blue Eyes [217] Sorry, Jim, this is for Rocky. Hey, Rock...Stan.
Top that redhead and her sister, 10:30, Macy's Grill. **chuckle**
In Hazard [218] Mr. Rockford, Miss Miller of the Bartlet Book Club. "Great
Detectives Of America" is not in stock, so we sent you "Cooking Made Easy."
Hope you enjoy it.
The Italian Bird Fiasco [219] Jim? Sally. Hey, I just found out you were an
Aries. Listen, if you have Virgo rising, give me a call.
Where's Houston [220] Jim? Madame Arcala at the Zodiac Resturant. You don't
pay that dinner tab, we're gonna repo your birthday.
Foul On The First Play [221] Jim, it's Eddie. You were right about Sweet
Talk in the seventh. He breezed in, paid $72.50. But I didn't get your bet
down.
A Bad Deal In The Valley [222] Uncle Jim? It's Renault. I got your letter,
but I moved out here anyway. I really want those detective lessons.
Third Season
------------
The Fourth Man [301] Hi, just want to put your mind at rest. Found your
address book in the theater last week. It's in the mail. By the way,
Carol's okay, but Linda...
The Oracle Wore A Cashmere Shirt [302] Penny's Tree House. You've won our
free landscaping services for one full year. We'll mow your lawn, top your
trees, mulch, seed, fertilize and feed. Isn't that wonderful?
The Family Hour [303] Hey, Jim, it's Frank. Me and Ellie's down here for
our convention. Can't wait to see you. Should be over at your place about
1 AM. Banzai, buddy.
Feeding Frenzy [304] Hi, this is the Happy Pet Clinic. Your father gave us
this number when he left town. The calico stray had six kitten. Please
come get them. Today!
Drought At Indianhead River [305] Jim, thanks for taking little Billy
fishing, he had a great time. Turns out he wasn't even really seasick.
Um, have you ever had chicken pox?
Coulter City Wildcat [306] It's Shirley at the Planted Pot. There's just no
easy way to tell you this, Jim. We did everything we could. Your fern died.
So Help Me God [307] Dr. Souter's office. This is the third time you've
cancelled. Now, you have to have that root canal. A sore foot has nothing
to do with your mouth.
Rattlers' Class Of '63 [308] Gene's 24 Hour Emergency Plumbing. Your water
heater's blown? We'll have somebody out there Tuesday. Thursday at the
latest.
Return To The 38th Parallel [309] Tompkins at Guarranteed Insurance. About
your burglary claim. Paid your loss all right. Funny you remembered to
file, but you didn't remember to pay your premium.
Piece Work [310] This is Dr. Souter's office again, reguarding that root
canal. This doctor is in his office...waiting. He's beginning to dislike
you.
The Trouble With Warren [311] Jimmy, it's Phil in Puerto Rico. This is real
important. Talked to Mr. , he'll pay $20,000. Call him at 231-6238.
There's One In Every Port [312] Bummer! I call up with some good vibes and
some positive energies, and I talk to a robot? Forget you, man!
Sticks And Stones May Break Your Bones, But Waterbury Will Bury You [313]
This is the Department Of The Army. Our records show that you are the
"Rockford, James" who failed to turn in his service automatic in May 1953.
Contact us at once.
The Trees, The Bees And T.T. Flowers Part One [314] Jimmy, old buddy, buddy.
It's Angel! You know how they allow you one phone call? Well, this is it.
The Trees, The Bees And T.T. Flowers Part Two [315] Hello? Hello? Hello?
Hello?
The Becker Connection [316] Hi, um, I'm confused. Is this Dial-A-Prayer?
Well, should I call back when the reverend's in the office, or what?
Just Another Polish Wedding [317] George Devon, Malibu Space Watch. Had
three sightings last week. You see anything unusual? Television reception
interrupted? Call 555-1313
New Life, Old Dragons [318] It's Pete. Hope you enjoyed using the cabin
last week. Only next time leave the trout in the refridgerator, huh? Not
in the cupboard.
To Protect And Serve Part One [319] This is Esther, your father's friend.
So you helped me move, that's it? You couldn't call? See if maybe I don't
like the new place? See if maybe there's some painting to be done?
To Protect And Serve Part Two [320] This is incredible. Do you know that
last night I had one of my dreams. I dreamed that if I called you, you
wouldn't be home. And you're not.
Crack Back [321] The is Doctor Souter. My nurse tells me you've blown four
root canal appointments. Well, you're finished in this office.
Dirty Money, Black Light [322] This is Toby. I forgot what I was calling
for. Your recording is so boring. Spike it with some humor, some
personality. Something.
Fourth Season
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Beamer's Last Case [401] [loud traffic noise in background] Jimmy, this is
Angel. Listen, I've got this new pad right over by the Hollywood Freeway
and some friends are coming. Borrow you record player?
Trouble In Chapter 17 [402] [Noises from large dog in background] Jim,
this is Donna. Boy, we've really been swamped today. No, sit. We should
closing in about...sit. I'll meet you at...oh, get down.
The Battle Of Canoga Park [403] It's Betty from up the street. I'm calling
all the neighbors because Spotty is loose. If you see him, call me. Oh,
don't wear musk cologne. Leopards have a thing about that.
Second Chance [404] This is Lowell Publications. Our records show you did
not return your free volume of the Encyclopedia Of Weather. So, we'll be
sending you the remaining twenty-nine volumes. You will be billed
accordingly.
The Dog And Pony Show [405] Jimmy, Lou. You owe me five bucks. Manaraso's
average in the '68 Series was .310 not .315. Oh...and...ah...Fran and I
are getting divorced.
Requiem For A Funny Box [406] Mr. Rockford, Sue Ellen. Our class is having
that crazy scavenger hunt I told you about. If you're wondering what
happened to your trailer door, it's going to win me first prize.
Quickie Nirvana [407] Hey, I saw your ad in the classified. Three African
goats for sale. I keep calling and all I get is a machine. Is that a typo
in the paper, or what?
Irving The Explainer [408] Hey, am I too late for those African goats?
Haven't got the whole three hundred cash, but, like I've got a whole lot
of homemade cheese. Maybe we could work something out.
The Mayor's Committee From Deer Lick Falls [409] So you put your machine
on at night, huh? Just cause I call you at 3 A.M.? You know how bad my
insomnia is. Thanks a lot, Jim.
Hotel Of Fear [410] Jim? This is Manny down at Ralph's Bar. Some guy
named Angel Martin just ran up a fifty buck bar tab. Now he wants to
charge it to you. You gonna pay it?
Forced Retirement [411] *Beep* Hi, there. If you are interested in selling
your product by a computerized telephone sales *beep* stay on the line and
one of our representatives will speak with you.
The Queen Of Peru [412] Jim, it's Grace, at the bank. I checked your
Christmas Club account. You don't have $500. You have $50. Sorry, computer
foul up.
A Deadly Maze [413] Hey, Jimmy, I tried to catch you before you left.
Hey, buddy, I was wrong. That rally in Mexico, it was yesterday.
The Attractive Nuisance [414] Jimmy Scott? This is Aunt Bea from Tulsa.
Cousin Randy just graduated high school and wants to be a movie producer.
Now you live out in Hollywood, you just do something.
The Gang At Don's Drive-In [415] Jim, I have finally finished twelve long
years of pyschotherapy and I'm now able to tell you just what I think of
you. Would you please call me?
The Paper Palace [416] This is Mrs. Owens with the Association For A Better
Malibu. Thanks for your contributions. We've made great strides, but it
would help dear, if you could move your trailer.
Dwarf In A Helium Hat [417] Here's the tally, Jimbo. You had Atlanta at
even money, tough break. And you got bombed in the Duke-Wake Forrest fiasco.
And you split the quadelle at Holly Park. So you in the book for $450.
Anytime before Friday, huh, buddy?
South By Southeast [418] (currently unavailable)
The Competitive Edge [419] Okay, Jimbo, Dennis. I know you're in there. And
I know you know it's ticket season again. Policeman's Ball and all that. So
come to the door when I knock this time. I know you're in there.
The Prisoner Of Rosemont Hall [420] That number forty you just picked up
from Angelo's Pizza? Some scouring powder fell in there. Don't eat it. Hey,
I hope you try your phone machine before dinner.
The House On Willis Avenue [421] Good morning, this is the telephone
company. Due to repairs we're giving you advance notice that your service
will be cut off indefinitely at 10 o'clock. That's two minutes from now.
The House On Willis Avenue Part II [***] Sonny, this is Dad. Nevermind
giving that talk on your occupation to the Grey Power Club. Hap Dudley's
son is a doctor and everybody'd sorta...well, rather hear from him, but
thanks.
Fifth Season
------------
Heartaches Of A Fool [501] Say, I'm the one who hit your car at Fork City.
I've got no insurance, I'm broke. But, I really wanted you to know how
sorry I am. If it makes you feel any better I hurt my arm.
Rosendahl And Gilda Stern Are Dead [502] Hello? You the guy who lost his
wallet in the Park Theater? Well, I'm kinda like into leather. So, I'll be
returning the money, but I'm going to keep the wallet.
The Jersey Bounce [503] Jimmy, Angel. Here's a tip, the handwriting's bad.
Third Son in the fifth race at Bel Meadows. Wait, could be Fifth Son in the
third. Wait, this might be next week's race.
White On White And Nearly Perfect [504] Pacific view lots. Perpetual care
by people who care. At an unbelievably low price. Call Montief and Snell,
the full service mortuary. We won't rest easy, until you rest easy.
Kill The Messenger [505] Jim, Chet, returning your call. Sorry I missed
you, but I appreciate you calling back. And if you call again and I'm not
in, just leave your message and I'll get back to you.
A Good, Clean Bust With Sequel Rights [506] Jim, I have to thank you for
talking over my problems with me last Tuesday night. I love you for it, but
can you have lunch tomorrow to talk about the divorce? I'm real bummed out.
Three Day Affair With A Thirty Day Escrow [507] Rockford? Alice, Phil's
Plumbing. We're still jammed up on a job, so we won't be able to make your
place. Use the bathroom at the restaurant one more night.
The Empty Frame [508] Jim, directions to the party. Left on Sagis you'll
see a rock. Left, left again, right, another left, there's kind of a hill--
keep going you'll probably see a bunch of cars.
Black Mirror [509] Jim, I leave London four o'clock, arrive L.A. nine. I
guess that's London time. Yeah, four to nine is five, minus twelve flying...
no, plus twelve. Ah, but then there's a time change.
Black Mirror II [***] Rockford, Jake at the Sand Pebble. Sorry old buddy,
but there have been gunshots around your place once too often. The
neighborhood association wants to have a talk with you.
A Fast Count [510] Jim, you give Peg the two hundred for the painting. She
owes me seventy and I owe you forty-six for the Christmas trees. Harry's
still out sixty for the dinner, but at least it'll void that check.
Local Man Eaten By Newspaper [511] Sonny, this message ain't for you, it's
for me. I just want to remind myself to pick up the big ladder at the Paint
Barn.
With The French Heel Back, Can The Nehru Jacket Be Far Behind? [512] Jim,
Coop. I'm at the address you wrote down for the poker game tonight. This is
a gas station, it's closed, there's no one around and now my car is stalled.
Now, you got to call me at 4-6-6-3-*click*.
The Battle-Ax And The Exploding Cigar [513] (currently unavailable)
Guilt [514] Jimmy, Angel. Listen, Eddie Talliferro just gave me a hot tip
on a class filly in the eighth out at Holly Park. Only trouble is I need
twenty.
The Duece [515] Mr. Rockford, Arthur's Hi-Fi. Your stereo is ready, but
since your warranty expired in the two months it was in our shop, you'll
have to pay the $60 on the repair.
The Man Who Saw The Alligators [516] Mr. Rockford, you know what to do if
you are attacked and killed? Ask for Albert Kimcee at grand opening of Happy
Dawn School of Secret Arts. Win free lesson.
Return Of The Black Shadow [517] Jim, this is Florence Boyle, you worked
for my husband last month in Glendale. You were so helpful then, and, well
I have a problem of my own I'd like to discuss. Confidentially, of course.
A Material Difference [518] Jim, Joel Myers at Crowell, Finch and
Merriwether. We're going to court tomorrow with that Penrose fraud case,
but steno misplaced your 200 page deposition. Could you come down tonight
and give it again?
Never Send A Boy King To Do A Man's Job Part One [519] Mr. Rockford, Miss
Collins from the Bureau of Licenses. We got your renewal before the extended
deadline, but not your check. I'm sorry, but at midnight you're no longer
licensed as an investigator.
Never Send A Boy King To Do A Man's Job Part Two [***] Jim, Denny from
Denny's Pest Blasters. Got a great deal for ya. We'll rub out your rodents
at a tremendously low cost. So call us, we're in the Yellow Pages and we
mean business.
A Different Drummer [520] Jim, this is Andrea at Todd's Food Mart. Listen,
there's a guy down here by the name of Angel Martin whose charge $110
worth of groceries to your account. Is that okay with you?
Sixth Season
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Paradise Cove [601] Jim, this is Cal of the Leave The Whales Alone Club.
Our protest cruise leaves from the pier Saturday at 3 AM. The whales need
you, Jim.
Lions, Tigers, Monkeys And Dogs [602] This is Betty Frenell. I don't know
who to call, but I can't reach my Food-Aholics partner. I'm a Vito's on my
second pizza with sausage and mushroom. Jim, come and get me.
Lions, Tigers, Monkeys And Dogs Part II [***] Jim, this is Janelle. I'm
flying tonight so I can't make our date. But I've got to find a safe place
for Daffy. He loves you, Jim. It's only two days and you'll see, Great
Danes are no problem.
Only Rock 'N' Roll Will Never Die Part One [603] (sung) We're down at
Hennesy's Bar, Jim, having a drink or two. You better get down here quick,
Jim, or we'll come and shake up your flue.
Only Rock 'N' Roll Will Never Die Part Two [604] Jimmy, this is Dora. I'm
gonna move in with the kids, but I'll sure miss you, dear. Thank you for
taking out the garbage every week. I'll send you a card for your birthday.
Love Is The Word [605] This is Maria at Liberty Bail Bonds. Your client
Todd Lehman skipped and his bail is forfeit. That's the pink slip on your
'79 Firebird, I believe. Sorry, Jim, bring it on over.
Nice Guys Finish Dead [606] Jim, Dwight. I put a new outlet in the kitchen.
I lay in the cable and the box. Then I pull the breaker just like you said.
And both of my tv sets start burning. What should I do now?
The Hawaiian Headache [607] Billings, LAPD. You know Thursday is Chapman's
twentieth year and we're giving a ltttle surprise party at the captain's. I
think you should come. By the way, we need $5 for the present.
No Fault Affair [608] Oh, I thought this was Dial-A-Joke. I'm going to a
party and I need some icebreakers. But, uh, I guess that's...that.
The Big Cheese [609] This is The Baron. Angel Martin tells me you buy
information. Okay, meet me at 1 A.M. behind the bus depot, bring $500,
and come alone. I'm serious.
Just A Coupla Guys [610] Mr. Rockford, this is Betty-Jo Withers. I got
four shirts of yours from the Bo Peep Cleaners by mistake. I don't know
why they gave me men's shirts, but they're going back.
Deadlock In Parma [611] Because of where you live says so much about you,
your home has been selected by Royal Imperial Roofing and Siding as our
neighborhood showcase. A bonded representative will call on you.
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