Conference lgp30::christian-perspective

    RE: This being a couple oriented society. It has long seemed to me that
    the priorities in US society were Singles, Couples without children,
    and couples with children trailing behind. Most activities seem to be
    scheduled with this order in mind.

    		Alfred

    Alfred - 
    
    My perception is that the singles activities in American culture place
    a great emphasis on pairing the singles up into couples.  Otherwise
    what would be the need for computer dating services, singles clubs,
    singles cruises, singles personals?
    
    I find that since I am single I am excluded from many social events.  I
    don't think that this is anything concious on anyone's part, just a
    product of the emphasis this culture places on the desirability of being
    part of a couple.
    
    Nanci
    
    Nanci

>    what would be the need for computer dating services, singles clubs,
>    singles cruises, singles personals?
    
    Sex?
    
    		Alfred

    .23  Alfred,
    
    Where do you get the idea that our society's priorities are:
    
      1.  Singles?
    
      2.  Couples without children?
    
    Social events, as Nanci said, are first and foremost set up around
    couples, as far as I can tell.   And I wish our society WAS not so
    children-oriented; we'd be able to go to public places and live in
    areas without having to put up with screaming small children.  (I
    love children, but ALL of us are expected to be exposed to the same
    chaos/disruptions that children generate in their parent's lives.)
    For example, last week I went to Disney/MGM studios in Florida with
    a female friend.  Admittedly, Disneyworld is to a large extent
    for children.  However, everywhere we went, we saw adults carrying/
    strolling babies and 1 and 2 year olds who were too young to enjoy
    the park, and who would scream at the top of their lungs (I don't blame
    them, since their parents drag them around all day in places like that)
    thereby drowning out the audio portions of exhibits (and voices of those
    running the exhibits).  Most parents didn't seem to care about (or
    make an effort to stop) their screaming children -- again children
    much too young to get anything out of a visit to Disneyworld.  
    Several years ago, I went to the hall of presidents at the Magic
    Kingdom, and my friends and I could barely hear the lectures given
    by the moving plastic presidents over the voices of screaming small
    children.  Big disappointment.  This chaos seems to reign in all
    portions of society.  Parents have to be exposed to it, and we must
    be too!
    
    A couple of times (no pun intended) in my life, when I wasn't in a 
    relationship, and had many couple friends, when I'd talk to some of these
    friends, they would from time to time inadvertently say, "Why don't
    you join us on an outing to .... when/if you get a girlfriend."
    I felt like saying, "Huh?  You mean I'm not good enough to join
    you without a date???"
    
    Paul
     

    re  .25  Alfred,
    
    No, not sex.
    
    Paul
    

    Where do you get the idea that our society's priorities are:
          1.  Singles?
          2.  Couples without children?

	Well, social events seem pretty much to be set up for people with
	few attachments. For people who can do things mid week without having
	to find someone to watch children for example. And at places where
	children are if not unwanted and least not allowed for. And too I
	have all to often am invited places where it is known my wife would
	be either unwelcome or unwanted because she's a woman. And she's seen
	the same thing. "Why don't you come if you can get away from your
	wife/husband?"

			Alfred 

	

    I understand your frustration at not being able to attend events when
    you can't get a sitter, Alfred.  Those events are much easier to attend
    if you have someone at home minding the store, so to speak.  I am a
    single parent.  I can't attend those events with or without a date or
    SO unless I get a sitter.  I don't think that means that those events
    are directed towards singles.
    
    Nanci 

The fifth-wheel syndrom is apparent in our society. On the one hand
one doesn't want to cut out single friends, on the other a single
with couples may be viewed as competition to others of the same
sex. I didn't realize this until I was suddenly single.

Additionally this competition-awareness often means some couples 
will excuse themselves when you throw a reception or dinner party
for fear of reciprocity.

Perhaps structurally, our society prefers couples to singles. 
Societies of couples tend to thrive, societies of singles may die 
out (the Shakers did).

However, I think we are straying into a new topic. Perhaps Richard
will create it & move the last two or three comments within it.
Best wishes,
Rollyn

re: Note 379.1 by Alfred "Radical Centralist"

I'm reminded of Linda Ellerbee's response to then president Reagan when he was 
deploring the fact that most news brodcasts dealt with *bad* news, and wishing 
for more *good* news to be brodcast.

Basically she suggested he might be *thankful* that it was bad news that was 
newsworthy.  If it weren't, that would imply that bad things were considered 
the normal occurance.

Perhaps the visibility of events catering to singles, parents without 
partners, and such (still) non-standard family groups stems from their being
less prevelant than married (with or without children) couples. 

I have often found it "difficult" attending various events as a single person 
who is not actively seeking a mate, but is simply out to have some good, clean 
(non-sexual) fun with no ulterior motive.

Certainly being single, or paired, or with children somewhat affects the 
*types* of events one might attend.  (I'm lucky that I have had friends who 
don't think it too odd that a 37 year old man might enjoy celebrating at a 7 
year old's birthday party.)  But perhaps the popularity of singles dances and 
such is simply filling a need.

Peace,

Jim