Conference 7.286::golf

2094.0. "You Know you've been playing too much golf when you..." by STOWOA::tavo.ogo.dec.com::Odiaz (Octavio) Wed Jul 17 1996 17:50

(Probably this could fit in the Humor note (2.*), but I think this 
subject, while humorous warrants its own note. I haven't seen much 
moderation later, so if asked I will delete this note and renter it again 
in note 2.)

A co-worker gave me a copy from a magazine (I think is caller THE GOLFER) 
with the following:

You know you've been playing too much golf when you.....

- keep referring to your son Thimothy as "Titleist".

- pace off the distance from the bathroom to the bed.

- can't think of a dirty joke that doesn't prominently feature a putter.

- introduce your second husband as "my mulligan"

- won't lift a salt sahker without marking it first.

- practice knock-down shots in your den.

- consider David Leadbetter your favorite author.

- wonder why your car doesn't beep when it's in reverse.

- bring a rake to the beach

- name your daughter Bertha.

- tell the IRS guy you want to press (my favorite!)

- buy titanium-shafted silverware

- refer to the bathtub as a "lateral water hazard"

- knew that Scott Simpson would be found innocent after all.

- yell "fore" instead of honking.

- walk into Nevada Bob's and everybody yells: "Norm!"

- know who's the leader in sand saves in the European Tour.

- no longer order fried eggs, just to be in the safe side.

- put full-cord grips on your lawnmower (mmm.. not a bad idea!)

- know the stimpmeter rating of your livingroom carpet. (about 8!)

- refer to condoms as "head covers"

- swear off sex for the month leading to the club championship.

- take your favorite caddie along on your honeymoon.

- use a USGA membership card as your primary form of identification.

- get a Christmas card from the Solheim family.

I am sure most of us can ad to this list :-)

Tavo

>I haven't seen much moderation [lately]...

Oh... I moderate. I just do it quietly. :-)

Great list, btw. I can relate!

-Mark (moderator)