Conference kaosws::canada

    I'll start the ball rolling with a story heard on the local radio
    station just this morning.
    
    -doug

    Brian Mulroney was visiting George Bush when he commented on how
   impressed he was at George's staff.  "They're really bright and
   quick-witted", Brian noted.  George told him that they weren't always
   that way, but that he had developed this trait in them through mental
   excercise.  George call Dan Quayle into the Oval Office and asked him,
   "Dan, if your parents had a child, and it wasn't any of your brothers or
   sisters, what would you call him?".  Well Dan thought for a minute and
   them replied, "Well of course, it would be ME!".

   When Brian returned home, he tried this technique out on Joe Clark.  Joe,
   who was very busy with concerns with the Gulf Crisis, told him he would
   get back to him later in the day.

   During the Supper break, Joe dined with Don Mazenkowski and asked him the
   question.  Don thought for a minute and replied as Dan Quayle had, "It
   would be me!".

   That evening Joe rushed into Brian's office and proudly proclaimed that
   his parents offspring would be called "Dan Mazenkowski"!

   "Why you fool," Brian roared,  "that's not right!  Anyone with half a
   brain would know that the correct answer is ..."

   "Dan Quayle"

    Humour .... just watching our MPs and Senators each day is humourous
    enough .... well actually it usually brings tears forth daily.
    
    

    Can someone explain to me why a satirist on CBC Sunday morning
    referred to "being sued for libel by Conrad Black"?
    
    Tony

    Because a fellow wrote a book called (I think) "God's Dominion" that
    talks about how religion has & does play a large part in Canadian
    Institutional and Political structures. Conrad Black is mentioned
    in the book, although I don;t know the context, not having read it.
    Conrad Black is a recent convert to Catholicism.
    
    Scooter

    I heard a rather good Canadian Joke that apparently came from
    Czechoslovakia ... 
    
    
    One fall day a northern Indian tribe consulted their medicine man / seer
    and asked him what the predictions were for the winter's weather ...
    was it going to be a hard winter they asked, for they wanted to know
    how much firewood they needed to cut down in preparation for the winter.
    The seer said he wasn't sure and told them to come and see him later
    that day.
    
    Modern tribe this one ... as soon as the tribal members left, the seer
    picked up the radio telephone and called Environment Canada long range
    forcasting ... "IS it going to be a long or hard winter?"  Reply ...
    "hmmmm don't really know yet ... we haven't got all our data in yet"
    The news was relayed to the tribe "I'm not sure ... ask me next week"
    
    Well next week came ... same question ... same answer....  Try again
    next week.  Another week rolled by with the same response, but this
    time the tribesmen would not leave with that answer ... they said
    look, if it's going to be a long tough winter, we need to know now
    so that we can get enough seasoned timber in, and with all the other
    duties we have, we might not have enough warriors if we leave it too
    much longer.  So, the seer says well ... maybe you'd better make a
    start cutting ... if the news next week is any more definite, then
    you're no worse off.  So, off the tribesmen went, and soon the sound
    of chainsaws was to be heard through the forest.
    
    Next week, the seer calls Environment Canada again.  "Are we in for
    a long or hard winter he asks ?"  "Well," says the response, "we've
    started analysing some of the data that started coming in lst week,
    and all indications are that we are going to have a tough winter, so
    much so, that one of the northern indian tribes has started logging for
    the winter already, and they ought to know"!

    On the U.S. side of the border crossing was the sign:
    
    "Welcome to the United States of America - home of George Bush, Jonny
    Cash, Bob Hope and Stevie Wonder."
    
    And on the Canadian side:
    
    "Welcome to Canada - home of Brian Mulroney, no cash, no hope and no
    wonder!"                      

    Here's one from years back but sounds like it still applies.
    
    Canada was hosting a scientific conference to which they invited
    speakers from all over the world to tell of the technological advances
    taking place in their countries.
    
    The Russian speaker stood at the podium and proceeded to describe how
    scientists in Russia had save the hand of a man killed in traffic
    accident, built a body around it, and now that man was out on the
    streets looking for a job.
    
    The American speaker boasted of how American scientists had saved the
    finger of a woman killed in a traffic accident, built a body around the
    finger and now the woman was on the streets looking for a job.
    
    Finally the Canadian speaker stood proudly and declared that for once
    Canada had outdone the others. He proclaimed that Canadian scientists
    had taken an asshole built a government around him and now everybody
    was out looking for a job.
    
    
    Ted.

Oh Ted, you wit you!