Conference hydra::dejavu

    I'm not to much of an expert on dreams, but could it be your
    little boy knew somehow how your suffering for him and
    he wanted to come to you and reassure that he is okay and
    with you in spirit and thought. I too lost my daughter
    and even its been 17 years and I still get depressed at times
    about her. But somehow I know she's happy and safe and someday
    we will be togather. 

    Having had similar experiences in the "dream" time Tim, imho, your
    experience was real, and yes it was a message from Ben.  Will it
    happen again?  This is anyone's guess...there are too many variables to
    know for sure.    
    
    My *very* best to you and Ben.  I remember reading your story about him
    a while ago and I was very very touched by it.
    
    Karen

    
    
    Tim....there are different kinds of dreams.  I believe that some
    of them are *real* in the sense that we are actually participating
    and experiencing with others in that time.  I believe that you and
    Ben were together.
    
    Carole

    re: .5 (Ric)
    
         I don't like to get into these "dream topics" very much
    because most of us have dozens and dozens of dreams every week
    that we could analyze to tears...and each person's dream is 
    very subjective, anyhow.  
         Anyway, what I noticed about your situation is that there
    is a lack of forgiveness in there.  You need to forgive yourself
    and it is clear that in this area you haven't.  Period.  This 
    part of you can be released.  There are ways to do this, not within
    the scope of this reply to you.  There is no *good* reason why
    you need to continue to endure a nightmare, not for 13 years, at
    any rate.  It is not mandated that someone needs to suffer, endure
    pain, continue in some sort of torture...there is no spiritual 
    nobility in struggle, only man-made "nobility" (as in "I deserve
    more because I've suffered more.")  Cancel those beliefs immediately!
    Anyway, I won't belabor this, I think I've made my point.  As to
    HOW to do this, there are ways, some of them already delineated within
    DEJAVU.  Ask and discover, if it seems appropriate to you.
    
    Frederick
    

    
    re: .0
    
    Hello,
    
    I am new to this conference.  I just wanted to voice my opinion on this
    subject.  I honestly believe that what you experienced was very
    touching and very real.  I am very sad for you and your loss, but happy
    that you had an opportunity to experience your son's presence.  I too
    had a similar experience.
    
    I was very close to my grandmother.  I have to admit that I don't think
    I could ever love anyone more than I loved her.  I was crushed when
    she died of cancer a few years back.  The night that she passed on I
    had been home dreaming of her. She had been in a coma and it was
    horrible for me to see her like that.  Before she had slipped into the
    coma she had told me how afraid she was to die and she'd cry.  I'd cry. 
    Anyway, I was afraid for her....In my dream (the night she died) she
    came to me.  She told me that it didn't hurt anymore, that she was OK
    and that she loved me and not to worry about her.  I believed her.  The
    next morning my sister (who lived with her) called me to tell me she
    passed away during the night.  I believe she visited me on her journey. 
    I flipped.
    
    Anyway, she has been with me since.  I have felt her standing over
    my shoulder and I can imagine the warmth and softness of her skin. I
    used to love to be close to her.  Even as a teen I would sit on the
    floor in front of her with my head on her lap.  I loved to be close to
    her.  I believe that she is still with me.  Always.  There are times
    that it is stronger than others, but I know she is there and it's not
    in my head.  I believe she may want to communicate with me, but I've
    been afraid.  The thought that we can communicate is frightening. I
    know she loved me unconditionally and that she would never hurt me, but
    I am still afraid.  I do miss her though...
    
    I hope that if you found joy in this dream, that they continue.  I
    believe they will, and if you welcome your son I believe that it may
    become more frequent or more real.
    
    Sweet dreams,
    Donna
         

    Tim, 
    
    Regardless of the significance or spiritual validity of your dream,
    having experienced a similar encounter, I'm sure you'd welcome it
    again and again. 
    My particular experience also seemed so real, so true, that it re-
    affirmed my beliefs in the herefafter, and the ability of those
    departed to contact us and reassure us that all is well. 
    My "dream" occured about 13 years after the death of my girlfriend.
    I had gone on in life and hadn't really thought of her in awhile.
    Yet, when I met her in the dream it was as if she were alive again,
    frozen at the age of eighteen years. We talked for a long while
    and it wasn't until I started questioning her about wheather I was
    dreaming or not that she departed. She never answered the question.
    
    I only hope that your dream brings you as much strength as mine
    did. God bless...
    
                           Mark 
    

    Tim,
    
    Note 24 and it's replies refer to many similiar dreams.
    
    May the love that IS Ben be a strength to you forever.
    
    Meg

Tim,

I'm not a usually a writing participant in this notesfile, although I really
enjoy reading the stories,  and check it out occasionally,
..........this note was one I didn't enjoy reading...

I will say that was touched by your note though...

I too have an eleven year old son..  Last March, he got banged up pretty bad
in a bike accident.  Thankfully, kids heal incredibly fast, but he came so
close to fatal injury, (he was lucky) that for months, I was a mess...  
even though he was o.k. after only a few weeks.  I was devestated, and 
still  have some bad times over it.

You have my deepest sympathies getting through this time Tim.

Believe in what ever it is that gives you peace...

/ray






(Ps. Hellos to Karen B. + Carole F.)

    re: last two
    
    I absolutely believe in a higher power, and a life after this. Our
    experiences during the past 7 years have convinced me of this. (For
    more on this see prior note on George Anderson). And every once in a
    while I learn something new and fascinating - like the dream mentioned
    in .0!
    
    Thanks for everyone's notes. Coincidentally (or perhaps not) I met
    someone last week at an offsite who overheard a conversation I was
    having with a friend about that weekend being Ben's birthday and she
    and I got into a conversation in which she casually mentioned "contact
    dreams" - and asked/told me that of course I knew what those were! She
    then described the type of dream I had, and explained some research she
    had read about it! (BTW - she does not work at DEC, so probably did not
    read this conference).
    
    So apparently this is a known phenomenon, as several people have
    shared, and as she told me. 
    
    Wow!
    
    Tim
    

    I didn't believe in this type of thing before, until my SO experienced
    something strange shortly after his grandmother passed away.  He was
    busy doing some DIY in the bathroom when he was overwhelmed by this
    distinctive smell, which was of his grandmother's house.  He didn't
    believe in 'the afterlife' or anything like that before, but now he's
    convinvced she came to visit him, and is looking after us, because
    he's experienced this since.  Has anyone else experienced anything
    similar?
    

    re: .13 
    
         If I DIY in the bathroom I can expect some strange smells, too!
    What had been the experience during other DIY's?
    
    
    ;-)
    Frederick
    

    re: .13
    
    (first, I give up too -what's DIY??)
    
    Yes, I continue to have experiences like that...but it's strange.
    When I was 10, my grandfather died.  I was close to him, but then again
    not as close as I was to my grandmother (his wife).  He was the first
    person in my family to die.  I remember feeling just "unreal" through
    the whole funeral process.  When we went to the wake and I went over to
    the casket, I knelt down to pray, and looked at him closely.  I think I
    even touched his hand very quickly.  But what I remember most is the
    smell - not bad, perhaps from the make-up?  Anyway it was a smell I was
    unfamiliar with.  From time to time since then I will be someplace and
    all of a sudden I will get a whiff (sp?) of *that smell*.  I can be inside
    or outside, and it only lasts a second.  But I think of my grandfather
    every time and wonder if he's there.....
    
    Laf
          

    And here all this time I thought I was crazy.  There was a very
    distinctive smell the night my daughter died.  I can't explain it
    because I've never smelled it before.  I have since however.  Every
    time I'm upset/depressed thinking about her and the night she died, I
    smell it.  Maybe it's all in my mind, maybe it's my own tears, or maybe
    it's Tina visiting.  I'd rather believe it's her helping me through the
    rough times.
    
    Marie
    

    My wife and I both experience very real and intense feelings that our
    son is around every once in a while. It happens most frequently around
    his birthday and Christmas/New Years (when he died).
    
    We met with George Anderson earlier this year (more details in another
    note in this conference), and our son us/George that he is around quite
    often, especially when we need him or are having a rough time. He then
    told us that we had not changed his room at all, and it reminded him of
    a shrine. We in fact haven't changed his room!
    
    In the book about George ("We Don't Die") he states that we are
    surrounded by spirits. I believe it. 
    
    Tm
    

    re .14, .15
    
    DIY usually refers to "Do It Yourself" type projects around the house,
    though there may be other meanings I'm not familiar with.
    
    	- Bill

    
    Shirley MacLaine mentions the ability to smell things that are not
    really there in her book "It's All In The Playing".  Apparently her
    friend and wellknown channeller Kevin Ryerson couldn't be there in
    person for some event one night...so he sent long-distance flowers
    instead...smell only.  Kevin called her up and told her about it,
    and she replied that she wondered why she smelled flowers nearby.  
    
    Maybe we could start a new business here.  (;^)  
    
    Cindy

    I also had an experience 4 years ago when my grandmother died.  I was
    very close to my grandmother, having been all my life.  I was really
    crushed when my mom called me and told me.  My grandmother had a very
    bad cold when she died.
    
    About a week later I had a dream that I was at her house standing by
    her desk in the living room drinking a cup of coffee knowing that I
    missed her bad.  Now in my dream I knew she was dead.  I looked over
    and I saw her coming out of the kitchen.  In my dream I could not
    beleive it and ran to her crying and hugging her.  She told me not to
    worry about her and that her 2 sisters were taking good care of her. 
    Her sisters are dead too.  The weird thing about this dream is that in
    it she still had her cold but her voice sounded much better and it
    seemed that her cold was alot better.  Anyway, I woke up and that dream
    was so real to me.  I really believed that it  happened.
    
    

    Re .13 and others on familiar 'aromas'
    
    During the several years I've spent working with spirit communication
    I've learned and experienced on several occasions that those friends
    and loved ones in spirit will often stimulate the olefactory sense to
    communicate their presence.
    
    Interesting to note that many researchers have recently verified that 
    for many people familiar aromas (like those found in grandmother's 
    kitchen or in uncle's wood carving shop) reconstruct memories faster 
    and more complete than any other sense, including sight.    
                                                
    So yes, it is a fairly common occurance for people to experience familiar 
    aromas (seemingly out of the blue) associated with a friend of loved one 
    who has passed to another plane of life.  And in my opinion, some of these
    experiences are due to those folks stopping by to bid a fond hello and 
    letting us know they are nearby.  One thing you can do, if you'd like, 
    is smile and say hello back.
    
    Kb

    I wasn't sure where to put this and I thought, hopefully this would be
    okay.
    
    Last week my husband and I went to see a psychic/spiritualist.  She was
    very good, and the very last thing she told my husband was, that she
    could see him lying sleeping in bed but he was also hovering above
    himself, she the proceeded to tell him that he was in fact an astral
    traveller and when he goes to sleep he visits places, and that this all
    tends to come out in his artwork. (could this mean the places he thinks
    he is imaging for his paintings aren't imaginery after all???)
      
    He has told me of numerous dreams that seem too real to be true. Is there 
    any way we could help enhance this for him, or make it easier for him
    to remember possibly where he has been.
    
    It is very exciting for him, he was also told that he did have a lot of
    dejavu but doesn't quite realise it yet.
    
    Your help would be much appreciated.
    
    Tracy W.
    
    
    p.s. Just as a side note, we decided to tell John's mother, and
    although she laughed at nearly everything we told her she gasped with
    surprise when we told her about the dreaming.  She then went on tell us
    of an experience she had a long time ago, about being able to see
    things way up high on top of cupboards (being 1.52 m tall this is
    impossible for her) and places she had never seen before without using
    a stool or ladder.  She is a very straight-laced person and we were
    very surprised when she told us this, this weekend we are going to try
    and coax some details from her. 

    re.22
    
    
                       Tracy,
                            I know of no way to "enhance" dreams or
    dreaming. If John wants to be more aware of what he has drempt I
    would suggest he keep a dream diary. Every day make notes of what 
    he has drempt and/or how he felt when he awoke. More advice would be
    to ,at first, allow his dreams to happen rather than force them to 
    happen. After a while he may, at bed-time, ask that he have a par-
    ticular dream or gain a certain insight.  
    
    
                              Plesant dreams;
    
                                  Later,
                                   Mark
    
            

    re: .22,.23,
    
    	I agree.  Often the dream is already very elaborate and
    detailed, but we don't remember much about it.
    	Yes, a dream diary usually works.  The trick is to be very
    careful to always record something in it immediately upon awakening,
    even if you don't remember the dream.  Record "I don't remember what
    I dreamt" if nothing else.  After a week or so of that, the mind
    begins to get the message that you want to remember the dreams,
    and the habit begins to be established to transfer the dream to
    waking consciousness.   The details become easier to remember with
    time, too.  
    
    	There are also some commercial hypnotic suggestion tapes that
    purport to enhance dreaming and the ability to remember and
    become more consciously involved in dreams.  The effectiveness
    of these seems very dependent upon the person.   I would think that
    the daily diary would be the best place to start.
    
    	todd

    re: .22
    
    Tracy,
    
    You asked (assuming your husband is an "astral traveller") if he's
    depicting places that he's actually visited during his sleep.  Is
    your husband doing what his mother appeared to do when she saw objects
    on top of cupboards?  The psychic/spiritualist you went to described
    what is called an OBE or out-of-body-experience, which some researchers
    think is a variation of a type of dream called a "lucid dream."  This
    type of dream is usually very vivid, and it seems to me you may be
    describing this vividness characteristic when you speak of dreams that
    seem "...too real to be true."  Your husband may be on the verge of be-
    coming truly "lucid" which, in this context, means to become conscious
    that you're dreaming *as* you're dreaming.  It's easy to automatically
    wake up at this point, but the "lucid" experience *can* be enhanced.
    
    Try to obtain the paperback book "Lucid Dreaming" by Stephen LaBerge,
    Ph.D. of the Stanford University Sleep Research Center, published by
    Ballantine Books, New York.
    
    You also ask if your husband is really travelling in his sleep.  I
    think that he's probably not.  He may be accessing images of real
    places - not imaginary ones - but the images are most likely already
    in his brain.  How the images or information might have gotten into
    his brain is another most fascinating question....
    
    Virginia
    
    
    

re: (.22)
	Tracy,

	I've had some success with asking my guides to allow me to wake
	up as soon as a dream is over.  This way it's fresh in my mind
	and I can write it down in intimate detail.  For obvious reasons
	I don't do it very often  <:-)....  

	I was really suprised when I first tried this method.  It actually 
	worked.  I do have a difficult time being disciplined enough to 
	actually write it down and not just say "Oh, this is clear in my
	mind, I'll remember it....<:-)", yeah, right, SURE I will!

	Pleasant dreams...

	Susan

    Hi All,
    
    I've passed on all your helpful info to John, and for some strange
    reason since doing this he's finding it even more difficult to remember
    his dreams.  I have started asking him every morning "what did you
    dream last nigh?" but no joy.
    
    One early morning last week I was slipping in and out of sleep when
    John started, not exactly talking, but murmuring in his sleep.  It was
    quite frightening as though he was maybe trying to escape from
    something, someone - but of course when I asked him about it, no he
    couldn't remember.
    
    What I would like to know is, I have at times had conversations in bed
    with John which he has completely no recollection of at all and is very
    insistent that they never took place and that he was sleeping, would it
    be safe for me to interrupt his dream the next time - I don't mean
    wake him up but more try to talk to him while he is still dreaming and
    question him as to what is happening? and then I could write it all
    down.
    
    What do you think.
    
    Tracy  

    
    
                Tracy,
                     It is an interesting concept. I tryed it with one
    person, but did not have good results. I did not first ask (while awake 
    or asleep) for her permission to intervene, and as a consequence our 
    conversation had to be integrated into what she would have drempt had 
    I not spoken during her dream. For what its worth.
    
                                      Later,
                                       Mark
    
    

    re: .27
    
    Tracy,
    
    I'm afraid that your interesting idea won't work.  The problem is
    that you're assuming that when John is talking to you he's dreaming.
    But he's probably *not* dreaming.  He's probably talking in his
    sleep.  Sleep talking - and sleep walking - take place during the
    deepest stages of sleep, characterized by delta brain waves, an ab-
    sence of eye movements and - even if aroused - by very poor and frag-
    mentary recall which (according to LaBerge) is "...more thoughtlike
    than dreamlike."  
    
    Dreaming, on the other hand, takes place during REM or rapid-eye-
    movement sleep, and the dreamer is very close to waking consciousness.
    Eighty to ninety percent of arousals from REM sleep yield recall of
    dreams.  
    
    The next time that John talks in his sleep, note the time.  Then 
    figure out how much time has elapsed since he fell asleep.  The 
    first cycle of REM sleep starts about 90 minutes after falling 
    asleep and lasts for 5-15 minutes.  If he's carrying on that con-
    versation with you before the 90 minutes elapses, he's probably
    not dreaming. (Later in the night, after the 2nd or 3rd REM cycle,
    no delta or deep stage sleep appears at all, so he wouldn't be 
    sleep-talking then.)
    
    John's brain may be busy now processing new information or points  
    of view.  He may be trying too hard to remember dreams that are 
    still half-baked, so to speak.  If he just disengages his mind
    for a while, his unconscious mental apparatus may be freer to get
    on with its task of rearranging new and old material.  Take a 
    break.  Then see what happens.
    
    Virginia