Conference hydra::dejavu

    re: .0 (Levesque)
    
         Your wife has a problem with trust...not just with you,
    apparently, but beginning with herself.  She needs to discover
    that she is okay as she is, that what she is experiencing is
    real for her and does not require outside validation.  This in
    no way makes her more or less than anyone else, but is rather
    just a part of her uniqueness.  
         I would hazard a guess and say that your beliefs have in
    the past produced a chasm of some sort by skepticism?  If so,
    then perhaps you could help by gathering information of your
    own and then indicating to her where you stand on the issue.
    Honesty will go a long way towards maintaining trust.  There
    are other notes in this notesile that have the same type of
    experience within them...reading them and perhaps relating some
    of them to your wife might help.
    
    Frederick
    

  Mark:

        
        My own mother died seven years ago and once in a while
 I dream that we sit , have coffee together and talk. After one
 one these dreams I am usually depressed as all hell for a few
 days. It just brings back that whole sense of loss and grief 
 all over again.
        I don't really think for a minute that it is anything more
 than a subconscious desire to be back with the first and greatest
 love I've ever known. 
        It is easy for me to understand why your wife might be 
 reluctant to discuss the matter. 
        In my case it was and in some ways still is hard to deal
 with the void her death left in my life. You can imagine just how
 difficult it must be when I dream I am with her again. 
        I don't know how close your wife and her Mother were, but
 if they had an extremely close relationship the effect of a particularly
 vivid dream can be devastating, at least for me it is.
        As an advice giver my skills are lacking, but perhaps you
  might let her know that this certainly happens to quite a few people and
  all the one's I've talked to have found the experience to very upsetting.
  Perhaps some plain old fashioned sympathy might be of help. 
         
      
                                                       Mike
                                                                         

Hi,

Your wife's reaction to this experience may have many reasons.  First off, 
people are often branded as crazy when they say they've talked to a ghost.
Secondly, your wife may have been commjnicated something that she finds very
disturbing, that she may think will also disturbe you.

Spirits do come back sometimes to tell someone something in order to protect 
them or prepare them and the family.  It can be something along the lines
of "Tim is going to be in a bad auto accident in two weeks, make sure the
insurance is OK."  It can be " Your going to need an operation soon, go to
the doctor" or " Everything around you is really horrible, but be strong - it
is going to be alright, you'll make it through."

Try and assure your wife that no matter how crazy or bad her conversation
with her mother might have been, she should share it with you.


Good Luck.

Priscilla  

    
    re: .0
    
    set mode /armchair_shrink
    
    	Find some time to talk about why she feels you would laugh at her.
    	If you find that she interprets some of your actions in the past
    	as having been laughing at her, discuss them.
    
    	After you've sorted that out, then maybe she'll feel better
    	about talking to you.
    
    set mode /no_armchair_shrink
    
    alison
    

 Thanks, people.

 She remains reluctant to talk about it, and becomes visibly upset when the
matter is broached. I tend to go along with the "maybe something upsetting
was communicated to her" theory.

 I find this all quite fascinating, and I hope I get to find out about the
experience in more detail.

 

    re: .0
    
    If and when your wife isn't visibly disturbed, it would be interesting
    to ask her how she knew her experience wasn't a dream.  Her answer to
    that question might be illuminating.  If she says she was wide-awake,
    you might ask her if she was wide-awake as she is when watching someone
    in a movie, or wide-awake as she is now, watching you.  She might also
    say that she was just falling asleep, or that she awakened after having
    slept.  In other words, an emphasis on the experience itself rather
    than on its content might help to defuse the situation and, eventually,
    your wife might feel free enough to volunteer more personal informa-
    tion.
    
    Virginia
    

    Sounds like a similiar situation with my mother.  Years ago her mother
    died and soon she began having visits from her mother.  Not that often
    so my mom always thought that she was dreaming. One night when my mom
    *claims* (after the fact) she was sleep walking or dreaming she was 
    awaken my her mother in her room.  Well, my mom, being ever so pratical, 
    got up to use the facilities thinking this apparition was going to dis-
    appear, came back and her mom was still there, just in another part of
    the room.  This time my mom listened to her. 
    
    Now, years later, she said she was grieving for her so strongly that
    she dreamt of her mother to soothe away the sadness.  She was VERY
    shooken up by it but I guess she handled it the only way she knew how.
    She dismissed every occurance as a dream and, to this day, will not
    talk to anyone about the conversation she had with the mother.  
    
    /gail

    
    It might help to give her the space not to talk about it and deal with
    it on her own, for whatever reason she has.  When she feels that
    space and that you care, she will be more willing to share this
    experience. Or not, and feel O.k. about it.
    This might not apply, but these were my initial thoughts...
    
    Paul
    

    I WOULD SUGGEST THAT YOU GO TO YOUR LOCAL BOOKSTORE AND PICK UP A FEW
    BOOKS ON THE SUBJECT THE FOLLOWING HAVE BEEN VERY HELPFUL TO ME:
    
    WE DON'T DIE ....BY GEORGE ANDERSON
    SPIRITUAL GROWTH...NOT SURE ABOUT THE AUTHOR
    ANY OF THE SETH BOOKS ...BY JANE ROBERTS
    
    LET ME KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!