Conference hydra::dejavu

   My wife, Ellie, is to undergo major surgury for the correction of 
an increasingly painful condition of 8 years duration. The scheduled date
for the operation is Aug. 5th.

    My request, is that you ask, pray or (in whatever way seems appropriate), 
request that the highest guidance be sent to her surgeon Dr. Bernie Siegel 
before, during and after the surgery. After meeting him and having read
his book, I know he would not mind my asking this.

    Also, any prayers/requests/meditations to God/Goddess/All-That-Is that 
she have a complete and successful healing and that there be the best
possible outcome for all involved, would be most appreciated.

Thank you,

	- Bill Keefe
    

    Bill, 
    
    I will be thinking and praying for your wife as she goes into surgery
    and sending her and the surgeon positive energy as well as yourself
    as you go through this stressful period.
    
    -Arthur
    
    ======================================================================
    
    I am asking for all you DEJAVUer's to send along your positive
    vibrations to help me as my girlfriend and I just recently broke
    up.  I feel like an emotional basketcase as I want to get back with
    her and I it looks like we might not. I have a lack of concentration,
    loss of sleep and appetite, and just feel down and out with the
    LoveLossed Blues. 
    
    Thanks
    
     - Arthur "The Leo Lion with a Broken Heart"
    

    re: .1
     
         Bernie Siegel's name came up in some other note (from Cindy
    Painter, I believe.)   I saw him on "People are Talking" (San
    Francisco) last week and I can honestly say that I was very impressed
    with him...I like what he had to say (and, for the most part, how
    he said it.)  I think your wife is in very great hands.
    
    Frederick
    

    
    Bill,
    
    Just the positive feelings you put out yourself make it almost a
    given that your wife will be fine!  With a mate such as yourself,
    how could it possibly be any different?  The best of......health.
    
    Arthur,
    
    me too, lets silently comfort each other through this time......
    
    
    linnea

    re: 790.2
    
    Will be sending you positive energy.  I just went through the same
    thing.  After almost seventeen years, the lady I had been with left
    because she didn't fill independant enough (still doesn't make 
    sense, to me anyway).  If you have vacation time, take some and
    spend it with a friend/s or relative/s that always give off good
    vibes.  I spent two  weeks  with a cousin and her husband and now
    I can look ahead with positive views and plans.
    
    with you
    mike					

    Bill,
    
    Thanks for starting this note. I would like to ask those that read
    read it to seriously consider sending positive energy, praying,
    etc. It's a wonderful opportunity to give as well as to recieve
    (remember, some believe that you get back threefold what you give!
    :) ).
    
    And I would also like to ask those that request assistance to give
    us updates as the situation unfolds. I find that in my own life,
    this can be a useful way to make "connections" between the inner
    and outer worlds and see how they interweave.
    
    Blessed be,
    Lois  
                                       
    

    790.1
    
    Bill, 
    
    I had the privilege of speaking extensively with Bernie several
    years ago for an article I was writing. Your wife is in good
    hands -- physically and spiritually. 
                                            
    Love and Light to you All,
    Lois
    

    re: .1 (Bill)
    
    	Linnea (.5) said it all--with you pulling for her, Ellie will
    	shine through like the star she must be.  She will be in both
    	my thoughts and Light, as will you and your entire family.
    
    
    re: .2 (Arthur)
    
    	My thoughts and wishes for strength are with you, Arthur.  All 
    	too well I know how you (and Linnea) feel.  Please accept the
    	positive energy I'm zapping your way...
    
    					Love and Light,   Carla
    

    re:.1 & .2
    
    my thoughts are with you.
    
    
    
    
    For my self does anyone know how to access the no_smoking notes
    I quit in October 1988 but I feel I am slipping backwards.
    I have tried using the information in the index but all I get 
    are errors.

    Thank You
    Donna

    
    
    RE: .11
    
    > I quit in October 1988 but I feel I am slipping backwards.
    
    I'll say!
    	
    	 You slipped all the way back to July 1988! (smoking is
    	the least of your problems. DEC will be contacting you
    	shortly ref all the paychecks you have gotten in the next
    	three months. payback is a ...)
    
                                     
    Craig-who-is-still-a-smokin  ;-)

    Try Myra::Self_help
    
    Mark

    Check that!!  It's MYRRH::SELF_HELP
    
    
    
    
    Mark

    The file is HUMAN::NO_SMOKING, and since HUMAN has a very heavy
    load of work-related notefiles, you are encouraged to access
    No_Smoking only outside of working hours.
    
    						Ann B.

    Thank You .
    
    Donna
    

    As a follow-up to .1 -
    
    Technically the operation has been successful, in that the doctor was able
    to do what he had hoped. In fact, he said it turned out better than he 
    had thought it might. The next phase is to get her healed without the 
    stitches breaking or becoming infected as they have in the past. Her 
    weekend was very painful as it took some juggling of medication and 
    prodding by me to get it changed. Hospital bureauracracies are hard to 
    motivate, but her pain was at a tolerable level when I left her
    yesterday. The doctor said the first 5 post-op days are crucial,
    although he's amazed at how well she's coming along. 
                                            
    We both want to thank all of you who have kept or still are keeping 
    us in your thoughts.                          
                                            
    	- Bill
                                            

    
    
    
I'm going through some really heavy emotional 'stuff' right now, 
dealing with a lot of old pain which seems to go to depths that 
I can't even quantify.  I'm not comfortable laying open the details
here, but it's really scarey stuff - as evidenced by the fact I've managed
to totally repress it for 25 years.  The part I'm going to deal with
tomorrow is awfully big, and awfully frightening to me (I've  been running
through every avoidance behavior in the book.)  Any extra positive energy
you could send my way would be appreciated.  I feel like I've just about
used up my courage quota, and I really do want to keep working through
this stuff and not turn intellectual on myself and quit.  

thanks

alison

     > (I've been running through every avoidance behavior in the book.) 
    
       We all do that.  That fact that you recognize it tells me you've
       come to terms with it and know it won't solve your problems.  Keep
       it up!

     > I feel like I've just about used up my courage quota...

       We don't have courage quotas.  Courage feeds itself.  The more you
       have, the more you get.  Choose to be couragous.

       Hang in there and keep your light glowing.  The dimmest light will
       brighten even the darkest cave.

       Terry

       Alison,

       One thing you might try when you feel really anxious or scared
       is to close your eyes, take a couple of deep breaths, and visualize
       blue.  If you have problems with just visualizing the color, blue,
       try visualizing a crystal-clear sky......  This can really calm one
       down....  It works for me!....

       I can really relate to you.  I've gone through an awful lot this
       year - re-living and releasing the past...  I know it can get real
       tough, but believe me, it is worth it.  I've grown so much, and feel
       so much better about a lot of things.  Hang in there!....

       Much love and light -

       Hugs,

       Linda

    Hi Alison,

    just to say here are my best wishes and
    keep telling us in this conference how it's
    going.

    John D.

    Hi Alison,
       There has been times in my life where I thought I coulnt get any
    lower. It seems that it was at these times that I found within myself a
    reserve of energy that would pull me thru,and,I would come out of it
    with a new outlook,and,a feeling that I had grown in some way. In order
    to tap that energy I had to take some time alone,in a peaceful
    place,where I could examine it,and,refocus my efforts toward positive
    feelings. Sometimes the light is hidden by fog,but,if we concentrate on
    seeing thru it by focusing ourself on it,it will be visible,and,will
    guide us thru the fog. Take care.
    
    Peace
    Michael
    

Thanks for all the responses, here and via mail.  I really appreciate
it, and you have made a difference.  I woke up this morning (early 'cause
of a 9 am appt (i am a night person)) and felt not only good, but also
awake.  Which was really good because the appt was where I had to face
the stuff which was/is frightening for me, and facing it with an awake
brain is much preferable to facing it with a sluggish brain.  I made
some forward progress today.  Now I feel like I'm standing on the 
edge of a bottomless abyss, instead of sliding over the edge.  The 
ground around the edge is still quite crumbly and my footing isn't all 
that solid.  Eventually I will have to cross the abyss, there is no simple 
path around it.  (Sorry this is so cryptic.)

Another way to explain how I feel is that yesterday I was afraid I
was going to lose myself.  Today, I'm still afraid of what i have to
face, but I don't feel like i'm going to lose myself anymore.  

Thanks for helping.

alison

alison,

> .....  Now I feel like I'm standing on the 
> edge of a bottomless abyss, instead of sliding over the edge.  The 
> ground around the edge is still quite crumbly and my footing isn't all 
> that solid.  Eventually I will have to cross the abyss, there is no simple 
> path around it.  

This reminded me of a book I have read. It's called "Love, medicine and
miracles" by Bernie Siegel. Let me quote him:

"   .... To begin that true healing, each of us must make the leap of faith
"   described by French poet Guillaume Apollinaire, who once wrote:
"
"             Come to the edge.
"             No, we will fall.
"
"             Come to the edge.
"             No, we will fall.
"
"             They came to the edge.
"             He pushed them, and they flew.

You will manage....

Arie

    Alison,
    
    My heart goes out to you and my prayers.
    
    "Experience the pain.  Let us not fear its impact on ourselves or
    others.  We will not shatter, for we are not objects that can break. 
    Nor will we get stuck in this pain for it is dynamic, it flows through
    us.  Drop our defenses, let us stay present to its flow, express it --
    in words, movements, and sounds.
    
    The heart that breaks open can contain the whole universe.  Your heart
    is that large:  trust it.  Keep breathing.
    
       - Joanna Macy from The Coming of the Cosmic Christ by Matthew Fox
    
    Peace & blessings,
    
    Karen
    

    
    
    Found out yesterday that Jane Mutaf, a participant in this
    conference, is in the hospital for heart valve replacement
    surgery.  Sandy, Jane's secretary, has been keeping con-
    cerned individuals informed.  I'll post Sandy's notes as 
    they come in.  I'm sure there are many DEJAVUers who would
    like to send their best to Jane.
    
    Joanne

October 5, 1989


Joanne,

This is Sandy.  I am Jane's secretary.  Jane is out for an undetermined 
amount of time.  She is in the hospital undergoing heart valve replacement 
surgery.  Call/send mail if you want me to put you on our "concerned parties" 
distribution list.

Thanks

-sandy

From:	NETMAN::DISMUKE      "You get what you give..."  5-OCT-1989 11:47
To:	@UPDATE
CC:	DISMUKE
Subj:	ADDRESS FOR JANE

For all who have been asking....

			Massachusetts General Hospital
			55 Fruit Street
			Boston, MA  02114

			Jane Mutaf
			Baker 639

From:	NETMAN::DISMUKE      "You get what you give..."  6-OCT-1989 08:51
To:	@UPDATE
CC:	DISMUKE
Subj:	UPDATE ON JANE 10-6-1989

I spoke with Jane this morning.  She had a comfortable night.  She will be 
having heart catheterization today.  I had told someone she had a pacemaker 
and I was in error.  She had a natural valve put in place of a 
deteriorating one about 13 years ago.  That valve has since begun to fail.  
She will be having another valve put in place tomorrow.  She will be in 
intensive care for a few days (normal procedure after open heart surgery) 
and unable to receive visitors for awhile.  I will keep you posted as to 
her condition and when she is ready for company.

-sandy
  

From:	NETMAN::DISMUKE      "You get what you give..."  6-OCT-1989 15:59
To:	@UPDATE
CC:	DISMUKE
Subj:	LATEST ON JANE 4:00PM 10-6-89

Jane will not be having the valve replacement surgery this weekend as was 
last reported.  She will undergo (if she hasn't already) the cardiac 
catheterization.   

I will be in touch with her on the weekend, and will provide updates as I 
get them - definately one by Monday morning.

-sandy

    Gloria Bates is home recovering from a sudden bout of pnemonia...
    She was in hospital briefly over the weekend, but is now home,
    recuperating, and feeling better.
    
    Please feel free to send any healing vibes you can...
    
    She logs in from time-to-time, so she will see MAIL (and presumably, NOTES).
    

    Could someone who gets New Age mag. (and hasn't trashed the July/August
    issue) copy the article in it about the woman that died from cancer for me? 
    It was the article mentioned on the cover. I can't put my hands on my copy 
    at the moment and a friend of mine might benefit from it - his dad is 
    being consumed by cancer. Thanks.       
                                                                           
            - Bill

- Bill
  
   I save the issue just because of the story... I think I still have it and
will send it to you tomorrow.

 Meredith

    I've put a copy in the mail for you.
    
    Mary

    
    
    Thanks to Bruce for posting .31, and thanks to everyone who sent
    their thoughts, implicit and expressed. The energy certainly helped,
    since I've made what my doctor calls a surprisingly swift recovery from
    pneumonia.
    
    Love and gratitude to all of you
    
    Gloria 

    
    
    Great news Gloria!
    
    Carole

Me again. 

I could use some positive vibes if you have any to spare.  The stuff
I'm working through is really tough and while I'm making fantastic
forward progress, the forward progress lands me face to face with
memories of events/feelings/responses that are horrific.  I'm holding
my own, but I could use some help.  

thanks

	aliso3n 

re: .37 (Alison)

    mmmmmmmuuummmmmmmmmuuummmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaauuuuuummmmaaaaaa...

    There, did you feel that?  Seriously, hang in there and get
    through it.  Replace those negative thoughts with positive
    ones (forgivenss and such).

    Take Care,
    Terry

Alison,

> ....I'm holding
> my own, but I could use some help.  

We're all out here; for you, if needed!

Arie

    
    
    Alison,
    
    When things start to get tough, visualize all of us standing in
    a circle with you holding hands and sending our love and strength
    around the circle.  You are not alone!
    
    Love,
    Carole

    Alison,
    
    I am one of those people in the circle Carole spoke about who is
    sending you love, strength, and comfort.  Take in the light.  
    You will make it.  You are not journeying alone.
    
    Peace and blessings,
    Karen
    

    
    Alison,
    
    May light and warmth surround you.
    
    Cindy

Sandy sent a memo out yesterday (can't find my copy) saying Jane had the
surgery during the weekend and was doing fine.  The following message is 
today's update.  It certainly looks like good news.

Keep the healing coming and I'm sure Jane will be recovered in record 
time.

Joanne




From:	NETMAN::DISMUKE      "Days like this, I'm glad there's chocolate!" 17-OCT-1989 14:10
To:	@UPDATE
CC:	DISMUKE
Subj:	LATEST ON JANE

I just got a call from Jane.  She sounds wonderful and extremely chipper!! 
But then, we shouldn't have expected less.

She is accepting visitors, but PLEASE help her recovery by calling before 
you go so she won't be too tired out.  She is in a private intermediate 
care room.  She will be there for a short while so watch these updates for a 
new location soon.  If you want her phone number, send mail or call.

-sandy
226-5514

    Allison,
    
    I'm with you all the way too.  Hang in there and you'll make it.
    
    Joanne
    

    Though I know there are notesfiles dealing directly with this I
    wanted to check here to see if anyone knows of/is looking for
    a roommate or a relatively inexpensive studio/1 bedroom.  
    I work in Hudson Ma and would like to keep commuting reasonable, 
    but other than that I am very open and flexible.
    
    Thanks much!
    
    Mary Jo
    (dtn)225 6630

    White light and healing energy directed to a Mr. Jack Smith (not a Dec
    employee) would be most beneficial right now.
    
    He was told 3 weeks ago that he had TWO weeks to live as he has
    cancer. He fought it off a year ago and went into remission until
    about 2 months ago. 
    
    Now the doctors are saying that he's improving. I don't know whats
    going on but I figured more help surely wouldn't hurt.
    
    He's early fifty's....white hair VERY skinny right now and just went
    through a few blood transfusions in the hospital.
    
    thanks to all
    
    Ray k.

    fyi....Jack lives in Phoenix Az.

    I have a request....   My 6-year old cat, Mandy, has tongue cancer.
    She is going to the vet tomorrow for an EKG and bloodwork.  If these
    check out fine, then she will be having surgery on Tuesday to remove
    a lump from under her tongue that is at the base of the tongue, and
    to remove the right side of her tongue (partial amputation).  She
    has about a 50-50 chance of recovery.  (Without the operation she
    has no chance....she'd have about a month.)   If the vet gets
    all of the cancer, then she will have a normal, healthy life.  If he
    does not get all of the cancer, then she will only have a couple more
    months.  There is also a slight chance that the cancer has already
    spread to her chest (her latest x-rays do not show this, but it only
    takes a couple of cells....), or her tongue may not be able to function
    in which case we will have to put her to sleep.  So-o-o, the operation
    is all we can do....

    Mandy is my favorite kitty-cat out of my crew (7 cats, 1 dog), and she's
    my dog's best friend.   I'm quite upset over this, and would appreciate
    any prayers, good thoughts, light, etc.    She's a tan and black tiger
    (seal point tiger), not a very big cat - about 8 lbs., has beautiful
    green eyes, and is on the fluffy side....

    Thanks....

    Will keep you posted...

    Linda
    

    
    
    Hi Linda....will keep you and Mandy in my healing prayers.  I know
    how hard this can be, having a bunch of furfaces living with me
    also, and they are so very precious to me as I am sure Mandy and
    the others are to you.
    
    Love,
    Carole

    Hi Linda,
    
    Best wishes to you and Mandy for a positive outcome.
    
    I have two woofers of my own and know how it feels.
    
    Cindy

    Best wishes to Mandy for healing and to you for a happy outcome.
    
    Mary

    The operation is a go for Tuesday morning.....  Mandy's EKG and bloodwork
    checked out fine....

    Will keep you posted....

    Thanks for all the prayers, good thoughts, etc..... (and please keep them
    coming...!)

    Linda
    

    
    I found out this morning that my brother's fiancee's mother was
    taken to the hospital during the night (Monday night) with an
    aneurism (sp?) in the brain [my translation - busted artery in
    the brain.]  They can't do anything until she's stabilized 48 hrs,
    and then they really aren't sure what they can do.
    
    Healing energy directed to her is much appreciated.  She's in a
    hospital somewhere in the Chicago suburbs.
    
    alison
    

                                            
    I know...this isn't the Ice Skating file...(;^)
    
    However, being a fan-atic, I was wondering - is there anybody in
    here from the UK who would be willing to pick up and send over a 
    magazine or two featuring a good, lengthy interview with Torvill 
    and Dean about their performance and stay in Norway?  I'm happy 
    to reimburse for postage, expenses, etc.
    
    Thanks,
    
    Cindy

    
    I just found out that a dear friend and former colleague, Margaret
    deacon (with a small 'd') died a few weeks ago.  We worked together 
    at GIA HQ. about 10 years ago - she was the voice comm manager there 
    until she retired. 
    
    Earlier tonight I called her, hoping to go to visit her this weekend,
    only to find out from the nursing home staff that she had passed       
    away a few weeks ago.
    
    She was suffering from a degenerative disease, and it was difficult 
    for her to cope with it all.  I know she is much better now, but 
    still I'll miss her and was really looking forward to seeing her again.
    
    Please surround her with Light and Love.  She was a Catholic Christian, 
    and particularly close to St.Margaret, her namesake.
    
    Cindy

    Light and Love for Margaret and her dear friend, Cindy.
    
    PJ