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Conference hydra::dejavu

Title:Psychic Phenomena
Notice:Please read note 1.0-1.* before writing
Moderator:JARETH::PAINTER
Created:Wed Jan 22 1986
Last Modified:Tue May 27 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:2143
Total number of notes:41773

735.0. "Designer Smudge" by DECWET::MITCHELL (The anchovy speaks) Thu May 12 1988 00:31

    Sage and the like may work great at keeping ghosties, ghoulies,
    and long-leggedty beasties away, but really special problems require
    really special smudge.  I offer these good housekeeping ideas for
    starters:
    
    
    TO KEEP VAMPIRES AWAY:        Burn garlic.  This may attract ghosts
                                  with a penchant for Italian food, however.
    
    TO KEEP ME AWAY:              Burn anything written by Frederick.
    
    TO KEEP FREDERICK AWAY:       Burn anything written by me.
    
    TO KEEP BLACK PANTHERS AWAY:  Burn baby, burn.
    
    TO KEEP FOOTLOOSE COWS AWAY:  Burn Chicago (not available in all
                                  occult stores).
    
    TO KEEP FUNDAMENTALISTS AWAY:      Burn a condom.
    
    TO KEEP MIKIE MORGAN AWAY:         Burn a fundamentalist.
                                  
    TO THE KEEP SURGEON GENERAL AWAY:  Light my Lucky.
    
    TO KEEP NEOPAGANS AWAY:            Don't bother; they're all going to burn
                                       anyway!
    
    
    John M. ;-)
                                                         
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735.1Anchovy mashers on the loose!WRO8A::GUEST_TMPHOME, in spite of my ego!Thu May 12 1988 03:1619
    Let me offer my own list to add to yours:
      
    To keep Shirley MaClaine away:  You can't...she keeps popping up.
    
    To keep Ronald Reagan away:  Declare yourself impoverished and needy.
    
    To keep Hustler Magazine away:  Disown anything with flesh on it.
    
    To keep Greenpeace away:  Declare war on rubber rafts.
    
    To keep earthquakes away:  Listen to anything done by Orson Welles
                               or Nostradamus.
    
    To keep the boss away:  Do real work.
    
    To keep death away:  Don't live in the first place.
    
    Frederick
    
735.2anant the first place ...MARKER::KALLISloose ships slip slips.Thu May 12 1988 12:398
    Re .1 (Fredrick):
    
    >To keep death away:  Don't live in the first place.
    
    But Fredrick ... nobody's even sure where the Garden of Eden
    is located. ;-)
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr. 
735.3Solution your problem?WRO8A::FLEESEKEThu May 12 1988 13:459
    
    RE .1
    
    > To keep earthquakes away:
    
    How about put some super glue on San Andreas faults?
    
    Kevin
    
735.4Crack another one...SAHQ::KASPERLife is like a beanstalk, isn't it...Thu May 12 1988 14:017
     re. .3

     When God questioned one of the angels about the crack in the earth
     along the west coast, the angle replied, "It wasn't my fault, it was
     Saint Adreas' fault..."

     Terry
735.5NEXUS::GORTMAKERthe GortFri May 13 1988 01:283
    re-.1
    BOOOOOOOO HISSSSS! 8^)
    
735.6the early worm gets the birdERASER::KALLISDon't confuse `want' and `need.'Wed May 25 1988 16:0112
    From a Medieval manuscript:
    
    "This hearb [Sage] being purified under dung of cattell, in a glasen
    vessel, bringeth forth a certaine worme or bird, having a taile
    after the fashion of a bird, called a black mack or Dufell, with
    whose blood, if any man be touched on the brest, he shal loose his
    sence or feeling the space of fifteene dayes and more."
                                                           
    Pleasant dreams ...
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.