Conference hydra::dejavu

    Well, any unusual stress I might have been subjected to was drowned
    out in the _generated_ styress of having my mother-in-law visit
    for the last 1.5 weeks.  [Not kidding.  She can be very stressful.]
    
    However, the day before yesterday, by brain was a bit out of gear
    and I did some rather silly things; however, I suppose that doe4sn't
    count.
    
    For relaxing ... this varies with people: some can meditate, others
    do it by vigorous activity (sort of "burn off the adreniline"
    operations), some sleep profoundly.  Calm, soft music, gereen light
    all can help.
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.
    

    There are also relaxation drills and breathing exercises.  In the
    relaxation drills, you tense up various muscle groups, then let
    go and pay careful attention to the feeling of relaxation that results.
    The immediate benefit is to loosen you up rather in the way exercise
    would.  The longer-term benefit is to teach you to recognize how
    tension and relaxation feel in your body.
    
    In the breathing exercises, you go through various procedures centering
    on breathing from your diaphram.  This is useful if you hyperventilate
    as part of your unwanted stress reactions.  (E.g. panic attacks.)
    
    Earl Wajenberg

    I do not know where node ORION:: is, but observing the
    personal-name you have set for your note, it occurs to me that you
    may find things a bit drab after the exhilaration of the recent
    tour of your favorite band. 
    
    Multiple stresses are not additive; they are multiplicative. Try
    doing something completely different from your ordinary life, but
    very simple and focussed.  When I was feeling stressed a while
    back I found that buying a cheap target bow and plinking arrows at
    a piece of styrofoam was very soothing.  Bicycling or solving
    puzzles might also help. 

    I recall a quote, somewhere, to the effect that a civilized human
    being was capable of worrying about things in all parts of the
    world.  This was a humorous way of saying that because we can
    read, can reflect on the past and anticipate the future, we can
    react to fears and threats which do not obviously exist in the
    here and now.  That's how voodoo death curses work.  One reason
    meditation helps is that most forms of meditation slow down the
    stream of associations that keep the stresses in your mind. 
        
    Best of all, of course, would be to remove the stresses so that
    you do not have to distract yourself from them. 
    
    Me?  I've been feeling wicked good since the end of February.
    Must be the spring coming on...but then, if there were any baleful
    psychic influences, I'd probably be the last to know! 
    
        Pat Hardy

    Also, see note 248.0 of this conference.
    
    	- Bill

    Re: ALL
    
      Thanks for your replies.  Everything fits.
    
    Re: .1
    
      Green light?  Besides being my favorite color, what benefits
      come from green light?
    
    Jerri

    Re .6:
    
    Oddly, green is considered a very restful color and promotes relaxation
    for many people.  Surrounding oneself with green, especially the
    more plant-colored greens, the better many people seem to feel.
    
    An esoteric suggestion, too, is that some interpretations of the
    chakras associate green with the heart, and that might be a factor,
    too.  Also, some healing color therapies use green.  [In the U.S.,
    of course, green is associated with money, but that's another matter.
    :-)]
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

"Importance" is a complicated concept.  Certainly eating (at all) is much
more urgent than stress management.  If you don't eat, you will die within
a few weeks.  If you don't manage your stress properly you'll probably last
longer than that.

But you will suffer worse health and be less happy, and there is a good
chance that you will eventually die of its effects (cardiovascular disease,
and possibly cancer and a weaker immune system).  I would say that
good stress management is closer to "proper" nutrition than to eating at
all.

No I don't think that it was something forgotten -- since I don't think
that it was something which was generally known in other cultures either.
It is something which has *become* of critical importance in our culture,
however.

I don't know whether other cultures have subjected their members to more
or less stress than ours has.  It seems to me to be a rather near thing,
and I could probably justify either position.  But what *has* changed is
the allowed response to most of the stress.

Stress involves, as you said, the body preparing for fight/flight response.
If one of those responses is not appropriate than there are, apparently,
long term effects on the body, brain and mind.  It is there where our
culture differs from less technological ones -- it is much rarer for
physical action to be an appropriate response to the stressful stimulus.

Meditational practices are generally associated with spiritual development
by an "elite" few.  In few cultures are they practiced by most people.
It would seem that spiritual development requires or is made easier by
exceptionally low levels of stress.  Either that or the stress relieving
properties of meditation are an irrelevant (to the developers) side-effect.

Three things seem to help with stress-management (according to what I've
read) (1) avoid stressful stimuli (rarely very practical) (2) physical
activity (i.e., regular exercise) and (3) "meditational" (broadly
defined) techniques.

In the short term (2) is probably the best course of action if your "blahs"
are caused by stress.  Increase your level of activity.  If you don't
exercise -- start.  If you do exercise -- increase your level by a bit.
Don't overdo it, of course.

In the long term both (2) and (3) suffer from the same problem.  People
don't stick to them.  I'm going to recommend a book, but with a grain of
salt.  I have not tried the stress management system that the book discusses
but it makes a lot of sense to me. And it is the only system I have heard
about that it seems likely to me that a significant number of people who
stick with it a few months will still be using it after a few years.

The book is "QR: The Quieting Reflex" and is by Charles F. Stroebel.  It
has been published in paperback (perhaps only in paperback).  The DEC
Hudson (HLO) library has a copy -- first come first serve for interlibrary
loan.

				    Topher

    Yesterday afternoon I read the base note, prepared the previous
    reply, sent it to Jerri (So she could get first crack on interlibrary
    loan of the book), and went home.
    
    Jerri reports that the book is listed as "missing", by the way.
    
    Anyway, I got home and there were two magazines in the mail.  This
    week's New Scientist and the next (May) issue of Scientific American.
    Both have survey articles about Psyhoimunology.  The NS article
    is by a British researcher in the field -- quite good.  The SA article
    is the last in the Science and the Citizen section (this section
    is devoted to short articles about scientific current events). 
    Neither seemed to have been triggered by any special events or
    announcements in the field.  It seemingly just looked to both editors
    like it was time for a survey of a new and exciting field (of course,
    what seems to be may not be, there could be alot of things which
    I don't know about which inspired both editors).
    
    Psychoimmunology is the study of the physiological mechanisms by
    which the brain/mind effect the immune system.  Although such
    connections were common knowledge, until recently virtually nothing
    was known about how it worked.  It now seems that hormones produced
    by the brain can effect the immune system both directly and indirectly
    making it (or some part of it) either stronger or weaker.
    
    					Topher  

re: missing book

I got that book from the HLO library about six months ago.  I was also listed
as missing at that time.  It seems that it was put in the wrong place. Maybe
that is still the case.

		Dave

RE: .10
    
    Nope.  I checked where I had found it that time.
    
    				Topher
    

    I have found over the years an interesting detail concerning my
    own levels of stress.  The amount of hard work, change, uncertainty,
    et al that I can withstand is dramatically increased if (1) I can
    obtain a particular relief method that I know works or (2) I have
    enough outward events in my life to make the stress I feel seem
    more "valid".
    
    Unlike many I've talked to, I know exactly how to ring my chimes,
    what will give me relief from stress.  None of these nostrums are
    drug induced, by the way.  They are really very simple, food and
    sleep being the chief two.  My psyche and soma are very tightly
    connected.  When I am able to attend to all my Level 1 needs on
    the Maslow Hierarchy, I can shrug off a lot more than when I am
    deprived of them.  My husband, after 13-odd years of marriage, still
    watches in amazement as I go from from shrivelled to ebullient when
    we, say, go to dinner after a hard day or week.
    
    Now, the only problems with this are that life being what it is,
    I can't always get what I need when I need it.  And the stress levels
    rise proportionately.  At the extreme end, after being deprived
    of what I need for long enough, it no longer works ("the operation
    was a success, but the patient died").  The other problem is that
    I am seen as lazy, antisocial, unmotivated, or other unflattering
    adjectives laid on me by acquaintances whose constitutions can run
    on empty.  And _that_ can cause my stress levels to rise, the feeling
    that I have no right to take the cure that will help me.
    
    Which brings me to the second major cause of real stress in my life:
    feeling lonely and unsupported by the important people in my life.
    The connection between social connectedness and approval with
    psychological well-being has been studied with interest by
    sociologists.  It does seem to be true for me that feeling the 
    support of others makes anything feel better.  But what happens 
    when people either don't believe I have any right to feel stressed, 
    or are in such bad circumstances that I feel foolish confiding my own 
    stress levels?  My mother is being crushed by her job at the same
    as she is coping with her mother's slow death; one friend is out
    of work and frantically job-hunting with disappointing results;
    another, a doctor, is struggling to continue as a practicing OB/GYN
    while working to help change the scene that has made that field
    so terrible to work in.  It seems only proper that I comfort them,
    not the other way around.  But the simple fact of not feeling able
    to blow off steam occasionally to another human being causes things
    that would normally be inconsequential to eventually mushroom into
    a black frame of mind.
    
    I also agree that the amount of change and uncertainty that our
    society asks us to cope with are enormous today.  (And I feel real
    sympathy for the Reply that spoke of the uncertainty in the job,
    what with unrealized promotions, quicksand management, dual
    responsibilities and all . . . I've been there too.)  
    
    But you might ask yourself if some relief valve or support structure
    has been denied you lately that you were accustomed to.  These lacks
    can be surprisingly subtle!  It's a good idea to occasionally look 
    inward and ask yourself "what do I really need here?"  All the
    suggestions we could make (including my own) will only work if they 
    fit your particular needs.  
    
    Take care,
    
    Marcia

    Re: .12

    > The connection between social connectedness and approval with
    > psychological well-being has been studied with interest by
    > sociologists.  It does seem to be true for me that feeling the 
    > support of others makes anything feel better.  

    Marcia; I can really relate to this.  I have always been very
    open (probably too much) with sharing my thoughts and feelings
    with other people...especially when I'm trying to figure something
    out for myself.  I find comfort and answers by bouncing things off 
    of other people.  And I usually cross my fingers that people won't
    think I'm too strange by the things I say.  Some do, some don't.
    Their comments to my questions only matter sometimes because my 
    major learning experience comes from observing my own thoughts and 
    comments.

    That old saying, "We teach what we want to learn" is definitely
    going on for me all of the time.  I've read a lot, heard a lot,
    and experienced a lot, and I usually have something (positive, I
    hope) to say about situations in life.  But I don't say those things 
    for the purpose of giving someone an "answer"...I say them because
    I'm still trying to figure how they fit in, and if they're valid,
    and as a nice side-effect, I would hope the other person would at
    least gain some inspiration for themselves while I'm trying to 
    figure out my own puzzle.

    Having support from people is really important.  Not the kind of
    support where one would expect to receive all the answers from
    someone else, and not the kind of support where someone would expect
    sympathy.  But the support of just being there, and letting the 
    person speak openly about their feelings and fears so that they can
    learn from it themselves without feeling they're going to be judged
    or condemned by the listener.  We don't always get listeners like
    that, and that's when we have to be extra strong in ourselves.  But
    I really think we're all in this together and the sooner we realize
    that, the happier we'll all be.

    Jerri

Wow, lots of good replies in a short time.  I first saw this note today
and just had to jump in.  It's going to be a long reply saying:

	THINGS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER INCLUDE
	-- understanding support (can't be said enough);
	-- laughing;
	-- professional therapy (for some);
	-- medicine (for some);
	-- distraction (sometimes).

	THINGS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL WORSE INCLUDE:
	-- denial;
	-- intellectualizing;
	-- bad air;
	-- bad lighting;
	-- life at DEC (sometimes);
	-- the economy;
	-- non-understanding non-support;
	-- getting better (maybe).

If reading a long, wide-ranging note stresses you, please skip this
reply because I'm just trying to help :')

Stress is one of those weird things in life where, if the other person
hasn't been there, they don't have any idea what you're talking about.

My parents, for example, are just in a different time zone!  As
products of the Great Depression (!), they've been taught that denial
is the best tool.  My mother's a turn-that-frown-upside-down type,
but hearing this kind of advice only makes me feel worse.

My father will sympathize, especially about work problems, and say
there were many times when he felt like "throwing his bag of tools
in the river" (he was a bricklayer).  This is a vivid image for me
and makes me smile as I think of heaving my VT100 into the nearest
DECpond, but it doesn't give me a tool to solve the problem.

(But laughing does help, for stress especially!)

An approach that works for some people, and has worked somewhat for
me, is psychotherapy.  "Stress" is a vague word that came into vogue
only recently, and may reflect a set of symptoms caused by things
going on in your life that you hadn't thought about.

I resisted therapy for many years, feeling that I would know about
any problems that I did have, and if I uncovered a new one, just
knowing about it would magically solve it.  Intellectualization!

My neuropsychologist also resisted starting therapy with me; he
prefers to do testing and evaluation only, and let others (MDs)
work on the patients, primarily with drugs.  However, he made an
exception in my case because he said I was suicidal.  (I didn't
FEEL like I was going to kill myself, but his reply was that there
are many ways to be self-destructive -- and certainly stress can
be a manifestation of this kind of mind/body/life.)

I must get ahold of those articles mentioned in .9 -- enhancing or
limiting neurotransmitter function with drugs is gaining ground.  For
example, a stressy thing that happens to me is sensory overload,
where I just can't stand all the sounds around me and have to go
somplace more quiet.  This could be related to seizures, where the
brain's electrical patterns don't die out normally but keep on
running and spreading.  Don't like to think about drugs?  Me neither,
but I don't want brain surgery, and I can't feed my family if I
move to the nice quiet forest glen that keeps calling me (quietly).

And speaking of the effects of chemicals on your body, don't forget
the air-handling system at your place of employment.  Even if an
independent consulting company comes and tests your air and declares
that everything's within normal limits (as happened in CXO3), it
may still be making you sick (as happens in CXO3).  From time to
time peculiar smells come wafting through (there won't be any when
the testers come, though) and you'll get headaches.  At other times,
you may notice people getting unexpectedly grumpy or tired or other-
wise stressed and have no clue as to why it's happening, but you'll
be suspicious ....

(There have also been links suggested between flourescent-lights-
or-video-terminals and stress-or-the-jitters.)

Something else my shrink picked up on, that's mentioned in .4:
diversion.  Usually I feel like I'm not ready for the world when I
first get up, and reading helps.  I don't think I ever remember
what I'm reading, but it gives me something to focus on and drowns
out the hectic, rambling thoughts.  A popular analogy in meditation
is the dog barking outside your window -- a mantra is like throwing
it a bone to shut it up.  For sure, thoughts that won't slow down
are stressful to me.  Sometimes it shows up as worrying about things
that may not come to pass, or not being able to put to rest one of
the day's events.  If you present these symptoms to a doctor, s/he'll
likely say that you're just under a lot of stress.  Yes, but ....

And a volatile work situation certainly causes stress, as mentioned
in .3 -- I've been in an exactly similar situation for 3 years.
Nearly two years ago CXO had a murder/suicide, and the incredible
stress of working for DEC was mentioned.  We're the largest private
employer in Colroado Springs, and the therapists say our employees
are represented disproportionately in their caseloads.

One of the societal winds blowing our corporate ship around is the
"softness" of the marketplace.  DEC, along with other surviving
electronics manufacturers, is making major philosophical shifts in
the way it runs its business.  This is a definite stressor.

Used to be, computer companies could be virtual half-way houses for
people who were rather poorly adjusted to society at large, but could
be very successful as long as they were allowed to follow their im-
pulsive, creative desires.

Don't take this as a literal example, but I can remember an article
in Newsweek, maybe, noting that a Silicon Valley company had free
pop instead of free coffee for employees.  This is illustrative of
employees whose work habits and lifestyles are at variance with the
norm, as an academic might carefully put it.

Well, times have changed.  Our success on Wall Street comes from
looking like a well-managed company with greatly increased fiscal
responsibility.  I think quality-of-life is going to be reduced in
importance as a corporate goal in favor of more tangible "metrics."

Employees also feel stressed because there's more competition for
their jobs thanks to the companies that are laying off (like AT&T and
the Bell companies, besides all the folding electronics firms).

And you have fewer options -- job-hopping is discouraged with policy
changes such as doubling the time you have to spend in a job before
being considered for another.  And you sometimes hear that "You're
lucky you work for DEC and still have a job."  Hewlett-Packard used
to be the largest private employer in Colorado Springs, but economic
times have forced them to use unpaid days off and early retirement
bonuses so they don't break their "no-layoff" policy.

Final two points!

I'm glad nobody has spun off into the argument that stress is neutral,
neither good nor bad.  In fact, some say, bodies NEED stress of a
certain variety, "eu-stress" (vs. "dis-stress").  This is semantic
sleight-of-hand that ignores what folks are really saying -- they
don't feel good and they want to know why.

There's also a theory that you go through a phase of feeling worse as
you're getting better, and this could be called stress too, I suppose.

I hope this helps.  Some remedies, some perspective, and some
empathetic support -- good equation for hope and healing.  Peace.

					-- Ed

    Good note.  I think stress is a big factor in most of our lives.
     Of all the difficult things I am trying to deal with now, the two
    most stressfull are these;
    
    	1)Trying to be strong for everyone else.  I am asking a lot
    of other people, and feel I have no right to burden them with my
    weakness and fear.  I am always the supportive one.  I get tired.
    
    	2) I move a lot, and am always among strangers.  It is hard
    to find someone to talk to.
    
    I think one of the reasons our culture is so stressed out now is
    that the traditional support groups like family, friends, community...
    are no longer in place for many of us.  We are left with no support
    when things get ruff.  Everyone needs a little help now and then,
    but it can be hard to find.
    
    Well back to looking for my bug (actually it is someone else's bug).
    Noone can help me with that either.
    
    Judy
    

    Re: .15
    
    Yes, there don't seem to be as many support groups (friends, family, 
    etc.) as there used to be. 	However, *some* friends and family are 
    far from being supportive when you need them.  Just as some strangers 
    can say something special, or offer kindness, that can brighten your 
    whole day.

    I have come to find that people (like myself) who are normally strong 
    and supportive for other people, don't think they can get that 
    support in return when they need it.  Perhaps that's because they 
    don't trust that others can fulfill that role...or because, as you 
    mentioned, they are surrounded by "strangers" when they need a friend.  
    [It is also valuable to note that we can avoid people, situations, and 
    states of mind that can help us...simply because we want to be upset.]
    But to solve the problem of feeling friendless, perhaps we need to 
    change our perception of strangers (using wisdom, of course).
    
    Our world is evolving and we can best benefit by evolving along with 
    it.  We can see problems due to the dissolving family unit or lack 
    of close friends...or we can see this as a time to change our
    perceptions and the way we relate with "strangers".

    Besides, the world isn't as hostile as we think sometimes.  For
    instance, if someone came up to you, needing a friend or a helping 
    hand, would you give it to them?  I think in most instances the 
    answer would be "yes".  We all may live in different houses, and
    act like we're not too interested in being overly friendly with
    strangers, and we may be surprised or even scared if someone we don't
    know starts carrying on a conversation with us, but somewhere within
    us, I think most of us care about others and would help if we knew we
    could.  We're all the same.  Strangers are just the ones we haven't
    met yet.  That doesn't make them any less helpful or caring.  

    I know this thing with strangers is a big taboo...but who cares?!...
    we've successfully dissolved bigger taboos than this, much to 
    everybody's benefit!

    To feel that we are burdens when we ask for help from someone else,
    is a familiar feeling to choose since many of us were brought up "not
    to impose".  But many of our old familiar feelings and opinions are 
    not as valuable in this current day and age.  By replacing them with 
    more appropriate flexible views for this rapidly changing world, we
    can replace fear with understanding.

    Would you want someone who really needed your help to not ask for it 
    because they didn't want to burden you?  Most people get a lot of 
    satisfaction out of helping...so you could be bringing an opportunity 
    for them to feel good and worthwhile by helping you!  Both parties 
    would benefit!

    I've been through a hard time recently and I called on people more 
    than I ever have, or would have felt comfortable with in the past.  
    Sometimes it takes the really hard times to make people open up to 
    others.  But maybe we can learn that we don't have to wait until a 
    time of crisis to see strangers as friends.  I never knew that there 
    were so many people that would care about me.  Brightens your whole
    life, it does!! :^)

    I'm feeling much better than I did when I started this note.  Thanks 
    for letting me share my discoveries...

    Jerri

    "Strangers stopping strangers, just to shake their hand..."  

    	(Nice thought!  Stress reducer too!)

    re: 16
    Thanks Jerri!!  That note is a great help.  You are right of course,
    we just need the courage to reach out to others.
    
    Judy
    

    I think this note really points out why this is my favorite
    notes file. Even though the title says dejavu it's really has
    turned into a wonderful place to talk about all aspects of life.
    
    And the friendship and support that goes on here is just great.
    Over all everyone is open minded, inteligent, articulate.
    
    What more can you ask for? 
    
    Now I've finally read every note and response in here and
    I just wanted to thank you all for the enjoyment and enlightenment.
    
    
    
    paul

    
    OK everyone, here is your chance to feel good about yourself and
    reduce all that stress and help someone you don't know . . .
    
    I don't know you, right??
    
                             . . .  SO  . . .
    
                                              could you lend me five bucks???
                                      
                                  -< :-D >-
    
    
    But seriously, it does take courage to reach out when in need. 
    It is so much easier to give than receive.  Especially if you feel
    you have been burned (let down by someone who should have been there
    for  you) before.
    
    Marion
                                           

    [This was in today's VNS issue, those who've already seen it may    ]
    [want to hit next/unseen....but then again, maybe it's worth reading]
    [one more time.							]
    
                       ALL I EVER REALLY NEEDED TO KNOW
                       I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN

                           BY Robert Flughum
                          Seattle, Washington


    Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to
do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten.  Wisdom was not at the
top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at
nursery school.

    These are the things I learned:  Share everything. Play fair.
Don't hit people.  Put things back where you found them.  Clean up
your own mess.  Don't take things that aren't yours.  Say you're sorry
when you hurt somebody.  Wash your hands before you eat.  Flush.  Warm
cookies and cold milk are good for you.  Live a balanced life.  Learn
some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and
work every day some.

    Take a nap every afternoon.  When you go out into the world, watch
for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.  Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the plastic cup.  The roots go down and
the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all
like that.

    Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in
the plastic cup - they all die.  So do we.

    And then remember the book about Dick and Jane and the first word
you learned, the biggest word of all: LOOK.  Everything you need to
know is in there somewhere.  The Golden Rule and love and basic
sanitation.  Ecology and politics and sane living.

    Think of what a better world it would be if we all - the whole
world - had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then
lay down with our blankets for a nap.  Or if we had a basic policy in
our nation and other nations to always put things back where we found
them and cleaned up our own messes.  And it is still true, no matter
how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold
hands and stick together.

(Note:  The KANSAS CITY TIMES printed this kindergarten piece in an
issue last September.  Since that time the author has received and
granted every one of the over 1,000 request to reprint it.  )

    Look up the Transcendental Meditation group in your town (under
    Meditation in the phone book, usually).  It's the best thing I've
    ever found for dealing with the effects of stress because at the
    same time it's neutralizing existing stress effects it also strengthens
    you to resist the effects of future stresses, so you don't get bowled
    over as easily in the future.

       As a practicing massage therapist, I often encourage people
    to reduce stress by sitting in a bath tub (if hot tub is not
    available) with water (as hot as you can take it) and scents
    (oils, flower extracts, etc.)  Next, turn down the lights (or
    turn them off) light a couple of candles, sit in the tub (naked,
    of course) and "soak."  Make sure you don't fall asleep (by sitting
    in a position that discourages that or by using the services of
    an intimate and trusted friend) and RELAX.  Using music that for
    you is relaxing is also very helpful.  Thirty minutes or so of
    this is quite soothing and stress-reducing and virtually everyone
    can do it.  No drugs are necessary and outside influences become
    unnecessary, also.  My body work is often used to help those who
    are overly-stressed...the body does a "wonderful" job of revealing
    it...and it, too, can be a useful tool.  What becomes important,
    however, is to find whatever the cause of the stress is and then
    to release it, either by a change in attitude or a change in the
    "cause."  Stored stress is destructive "as hell" and has to be 
    released.  I have been working on a video for some time which covers
    some of this to some extent (superficially.)  Perhaps if I finish
    the project you will be able to utilize it someday.  In any case,
    there are many, many sources of stress-reduction methods and some
    of the previous replies have hit upon them quite well.
      
    Frederick