| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 200.1 | | COMET::JOHNSTON | Biggus Dikkus...Wewease Wodewick! | Fri Mar 30 1990 15:50 | 7 |
| Frank,
I T(hink) T (migh)T have decided T(ha)T he (couldn')T T(ake) (i)T any
more. (Wha)T (wi)T(h) T(he) Big T(en) falling T(hrough) T(heir) (collec)T(ive)
asses [ (no)T(ice) I (didn')T (men)T(ion) (pla)T(es)? ].
Mike JN
|
| 200.2 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Fri Mar 30 1990 15:58 | 11 |
| < Note 200.1 by COMET::JOHNSTON "Biggus Dikkus...Wewease Wodewick!" >
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Too funny, Mike.
The worst part is that if T did take a powder, he didn't even give
a good old whisky drinkin' T Tantrum(tm)...
At least it's Friday
Chainsaw
|
| 200.4 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Fri Mar 30 1990 16:38 | 8 |
| Okay, dudes,
Two outta three ain't bad...
But the question remains, "Where are the RCASOs of yesteryear?"
'Saw
|
| 200.5 | | CUPTAY::TESSIER | Who's on first? Bill Buckner! | Fri Mar 30 1990 17:27 | 6 |
| Saw, since so many people miss Ralph, I think you should rummage through this
and prior versions of Sports and collect his utterings. Then, create an RCASO
topic, and once or twice a week enter a choice selection. Kind of like a
greatest hits topic.
Laker_Ken_who_is_not_too_BLAM
|
| 200.6 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Fri Mar 30 1990 17:32 | 12 |
| Laker Ken --
Yeah, it would kind of be like that statue of Lincoln at Disney World.
It would stand there and talk, spreading to the world the greatest
sayings of the Master.
Decoder rings could be provided free of charge 8^)
later,
Cy Young
|
| 200.7 | | COMET::JOHNSTON | Biggus Dikkus...Wewease Wodewick! | Fri Mar 30 1990 18:52 | 7 |
| HOW MANNY SIGH YUGSS DOS CLLEMS HAV IF YUO AR NOING SOO MUSH FRANWAY
YUO DIONUT GIV CREDITY WEAR IS IT DO./ SO WY SAY SO ANYEAWAYT?
ANSER THAT WISSGY
RCASO
|
| 200.8 | | DECXPS::TIMMONS | I'm a Pepere! | Mon Apr 02 1990 07:59 | 5 |
| Ha ha ha, nice one, Mike. Looks like a classic CASO to me!!
:*)
Lee
|
| 200.9 | (-: | CRBOSS::DERRY | Too much of everything is just enuf | Mon Apr 02 1990 08:07 | 5 |
| This is a stupid topic so I'll put this here...
CBS fired Brent Musburger. Thank you! Now we don't have to
listen to him cover baseball.
|
| 200.10 | | 7983::RIEU | In search of...Mr Trout! | Mon Apr 02 1990 08:59 | 3 |
| Why didn't they wait til after the game tonight? Anything to grab
some headlines I guess!
Denny
|
| 200.11 | | FSHQA1::JHENDRY | John Hendry, DTN 292-2170 | Mon Apr 02 1990 09:28 | 4 |
| CBS was concerned that the story would leak with all the National
Media covering the game so they decided to announce it early.
John
|
| 200.12 | Big opportunity for Dick | CUPTAY::TESSIER | Who's on first? Bill Buckner! | Mon Apr 02 1990 09:29 | 5 |
| I understand that Dick Stockton will be taking over all of Mushburger's
duties. He'll be doing baseball and football in addition to his current
stellar work covering the NBA.
Laker_Ken
|
| 200.13 | Keep the door open, there's another on the way... | BUILD::MORGAN | | Mon Apr 02 1990 10:39 | 9 |
| I keep waiting to hear that it was an April's Fool joke. Stockton will
last 1/2 year before he exposes himself to be the fool that he is. As
it is now, only NBA fans and Boston folks who remember his days here
are the ones to know.
I hear Al Michaels has been fined by ABC. CBS should make every effort
to hire him.
Steve
|
| 200.14 | | LEVERS::STROUT | Akeem the UNSTOPPABLE! | Mon Apr 02 1990 10:45 | 5 |
|
Ok, I give up.... Why was Brunt fired? Did everyone hate him
as much as I did???
sean
|
| 200.15 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Mon Apr 02 1990 10:55 | 1 |
| For info on Grunt Pussberger see 202.*
|
| 200.16 | | GENRAL::WADE | WhyGoOutForMilkWhenYouHaveACowAtHome | Mon Apr 02 1990 11:34 | 11 |
| Yeah, good ole Ralphie boy. He is definitely missed. Do you guys
remember the first few notes he entered? When I saw them, I thought,
oh sh*t, these guys are really gonna lay into him. But NOOOOOOOOO,
whoever it was (Slasher?), tried to keep it serious and address what
he *thought* Ralph was trying to say. I thought that was classy. I
was giggling my a$$ off too!
'saw, life goes on big guy. With or without RCASO, SPORTS is the
best conference.
Claybone_the_::SPORTS_bigot!
|
| 200.17 | | COMET::JOHNSTON | namby-pamby bedwetting WHAT?!!? | Mon Apr 02 1990 11:54 | 11 |
| Remember when somebody wrote in ( was it Denny ), and asked if this
CASO guy was serious? He said he couldn't figure out what he was saying half
the time, but thought it was funny, and just wondered if the guy was serious
or not.
Ralph went non-linear! Then everybody started writing in with their
pious faces on talking about valuing differences. I almost swallowed my socks!
I was rolling all over the cube, and had to go walk outside for a minute to get
my breath. This Notesfile is the greatest.
Mike JN
|
| 200.18 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Mon Apr 02 1990 12:00 | 14 |
| The part that I got the biggest kick out of was whoever used the
p-name string "RCASO Skul ov typing". I was rolling on that one
for days...
Yeah, I like this conference. There is something that goes on in here,
kind of a group creativity that is unbelievable.
Yes, we do deviate and junk note, but when you come right down to it,
the junk notes we produce enforce some of the highest comedic principles.
This notes is great....
'saw
|
| 200.19 | Cow just about describes it | PFSVAX::JACOB | Fahrvergnugen You, Buddy!!! | Mon Apr 02 1990 12:02 | 23 |
| <<< Note 200.16 by GENRAL::WADE "WhyGoOutForMilkWhenYouHaveACowAtHome" >>>
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Claybone,
Re personal_name
Sometimes the cow doesn't give any milk for an extended period (no pun
intended)of time. The cow tends to have headaches or is tired alot.
Sometimes the milk is old and soured.
The milk has gotten boring over time and it's time to taste new milk.
Just a few of the many answers to justify looking for milk.
Also, if you were getting the milk for free in the first place, why
would you have bought the cow anyway?????????
JaKe
|
| 200.20 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Mon Apr 02 1990 12:18 | 15 |
| Yes, and it's very important to remember to give the cow a
tuberculosis test on regular occasions. Milk from tubercular
cows should not be consumed.
Also, you have to watch out for mastitis, an inflammation and
possible blockage of an udder...
There are many hazards about keeping a cow at home. This should
really only be done by trained professionals.
If anyone has any cow questions, feel free to ask, and I'll impart
as much of my vast knowledge as I'm able...;^)
Farmingly yours,
Chainsaw
|
| 200.21 | | GENRAL::WADE | WhyGoOutForMilkWhenYouHaveACowAtHome | Mon Apr 02 1990 13:04 | 9 |
| How many stomachs do cows have?
Why do brahma bulls have that hump?
Are charlois overrated due to pasture effects?
schlep me,
Claybone
|
| 200.22 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Mon Apr 02 1990 13:15 | 24 |
| 200.23 | | LEVERS::STROUT | still flying in a blue dream! | Mon Apr 02 1990 13:18 | 2 |
| Saw, what's the psychological effects of repeated "tippings"
on a cow??? jus wunnerin, thanks.
|
| 200.24 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Mon Apr 02 1990 13:45 | 13 |
| It depends on whether or not they lose their cud.
If they don't, then there's no problem, because it serves the same
functions as a child sucking its thumb. A thumb sucking child can
literally have a building fall down around its ears and be none the
worse for wear.
However, it the cow loses its cud, then the cow could be scarred for
life. In fact, if it's bad enough, the cow will never produce milk
again, producing, in fact, small curd cottage cheese...
You heard it here first,
Chainsaw
|
| 200.25 | that caint be right... | FTMUDG::REED | OklaSt--#29 NCAA Wrestling Championship | Mon Apr 02 1990 13:58 | 14 |
| 200.26 | Is it the hooters? | GENRAL::WADE | WhyGoOutForMilkWhenYouHaveACowAtHome | Mon Apr 02 1990 14:42 | 3 |
| Cowboy dates cows........film of his hump at 11.....:^)
Claybone
|
| 200.27 | | FTMUDG::DUGGAN | | Mon Apr 02 1990 14:43 | 9 |
| -< Is it the hooters? >-
Nope...
It's the hoofers...
...mike
|
| 200.28 | | LEVERS::STROUT | still flying in a blue dream! | Mon Apr 02 1990 14:51 | 3 |
| and all this time i thought it was called a hoosier...
<THUMP!>
|
| 200.29 | Warning: Bull story ahead | MCIS1::DHAMEL | Is Nothing Sacred? | Mon Apr 02 1990 14:57 | 31 |
|
If anybody gets the chance to see it, I'd recommend a really gnarley
movie I saw last weekend.
It's about this farmer who's out walking in the dell when he hears
a voice out of nowhere say "If you plow it, he will come." He then
proceeds to take apart this little league field and turn it into
a meadow, to the great chagrin of the townspeople, and also his
wife who made a lot of money selling popsicles at the games.
After some time, he looks out the window, and sure enough, there
is this big ol' cow standing in the middle of his field. He goes
out, and sure enough the cow is none other "Jersey Joe", who was
rustled years ago and was presumed dead. The farmer just stared
in awe as the cow crapped in the field, and disappeared back into
the corn.
Days later, "Jersey Joe" reappeared with some other bovine buddies.
There was Mrs. O'Leary's cow who started the Chicago Fire. And there
was Elsie the contented Borden Cow (or was that Lizzie, I can't
remember.) Then came Ferd'nand the Bull, the cow that jumped over
the moon, and the cow that Jack sold for a handfull of magic beans.
Then the farmer hears another voice, "Ease her pain," so he grabs
the milking stool, takes the situation in hand and milks it for
all it is worth.
An udderly fantastic film. See it..it's called "Field of Creams."
-Dick
|
| 200.30 | what's this movie rated anyways?? | LEVERS::STROUT | still flying in a blue dream! | Mon Apr 02 1990 15:03 | 0 |
| 200.31 | | COMET::JOHNSTON | namby-pamby bedwetting WHAT?!!? | Mon Apr 02 1990 15:03 | 7 |
| You are a very sick man. Dick!
Didn't anyone ever tell you the pun is the lowest form of humor?
(I liked it)
Mike JN
|
| 200.32 | If you plow it he will cum? | AXIS::ROBICHAUD | Lean,Green,AndOnTheScreen | Mon Apr 02 1990 15:06 | 1 |
|
|
| 200.33 | Sorry Dick, I read it wrong. | AXIS::ROBICHAUD | Lean,Green,AndOnTheScreen | Mon Apr 02 1990 15:12 | 1 |
|
|
| 200.34 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Mon Apr 02 1990 15:13 | 12 |
| Dick --
That's got to be close to Note of the Year.
I mean, how long did it take you to come up with that bevy of
bovines?
I'm impressed...
Don't forget to "go the distance"....
'Saw
|
| 200.35 | | MCIS1::DHAMEL | Is Nothing Sacred? | Mon Apr 02 1990 15:31 | 6 |
|
Re: list of cows
It's all there in the Farmers Almanac.
|
| 200.36 | Movie Star Tired of Small Parts... | FTMUDG::REED | OklaSt--#29 NCAA Wrestling Championship | Mon Apr 02 1990 16:15 | 9 |
| Speaking of cows,
The latest issue of one of those grocery store rags showed Dolly (I'd
dribble a basketball across a mine field for her) Parton and the
caption said that doctors had just filled each mammie gland with a
pint of silicone.
Cowboy
|
| 200.37 | | MCIS1::DHAMEL | Is Nothing Sacred? | Mon Apr 02 1990 16:35 | 5 |
|
Wouldn't mind visitin' the silicone valley.
-Dick
|
| 200.38 | | FTMUDG::REED | OklaSt--#29 NCAA Wrestling Championship | Mon Apr 02 1990 16:38 | 2 |
| You bet! How'd you like to drive your hooves into *Dolly's* back!
|
| 200.39 | | GENRAL::WADE | WhyGoOutForMilkWhenYouHaveACowAtHome | Mon Apr 02 1990 16:38 | 7 |
| Know why Dolly won't have kids.....
Cuz her kids would get stretch marks on their lips!
BA DUM
Claybone
|
| 200.40 | | SASE::SZABO | | Mon Apr 02 1990 16:58 | 11 |
| 200.41 | Elvis Attends Final Four (p.6) | MCIS1::DHAMEL | Is Nothing Sacred? | Mon Apr 02 1990 17:09 | 8 |
|
> And of course, the resulting bulge is where the 16 fluid
> ounces was injected in each one! The wording of the headline was
> really humorous too (wish I could remember it exackly)!
"Dipstick Shows Dolly is Down a Quart" p.16 for details
|
| 200.42 | | PFSVAX::JACOB | Fahrvergnugen You, Buddy!!! | Mon Apr 02 1990 17:10 | 11 |
| I saw a headline the other day on one of those rags that
went something like this:
Head of man who was having an affair explodes.
Guilt was just too much for him.
I could make my head expolode too if I filled it with the business end
of a shotgun, but, I don't want too.
JaKe
|
| 200.43 | | FTMUDG::REED | OklaSt--#29 NCAA Wrestling Championship | Mon Apr 02 1990 17:15 | 10 |
| I liked the headline that said that the 400lb bride rolled over
the morning after their wedding and found her new husband smothered.
These rags makes the grocery shopping almost fun.
Oh yeah, with the Catholics relaxing their restraints on exorcisms
we may become quite annoyed with the noise of exploding priests.
Cowboy
|
| 200.44 | | FTMUDG::REED | OklaSt--#29 NCAA Wrestling Championship | Mon Apr 02 1990 17:23 | 2 |
| How 'bout the guy that drops his glass eye in his buddy's drink
and starts a barroom brawl.
|
| 200.45 | Come on, everyone. This is SPORTS. | VAXWRK::NEEDLE | | Mon Apr 02 1990 17:48 | 0 |
| 200.46 | | SASE::SZABO | | Mon Apr 02 1990 17:55 | 6 |
| 200.47 | Still miss RCASO though... | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Tue Apr 03 1990 09:16 | 8 |
| I like the one on SNL where Garret Morris talked about the black people
who would spontaneously ignite from the heat of the lights. Pretty funny.
Sports connection? Wasn't the guest host that night Fran Tarkenton?
And hey, it's my topic ;^)
Chainsaw
|
| 200.48 | Somone had to dew it! | 7983::RIEU | In search of...Mr Trout! | Tue Apr 03 1990 10:02 | 53 |
| For those of you who don't read CHCAGO::NEW_ENGLAND_PATRIOTS, you
missed some of Ralph's best work. Here's a sample to whet your
appetite,
enjoy:
Denny
<<< CHCAGO::MASA3:[NOTES$LIBRARY]NEW_ENGLAND_PATRIOTS.NOTE;1 >>>
-< New England Patriots >-
================================================================================
Note 69.7 Waive Eason! Why?? 7 of 224
FXNBS::CASO 3 lines 26-OCT-1989 09:13
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
.6
WHAT EVER I MAD!!!
<<< CHCAGO::MASA3:[NOTES$LIBRARY]NEW_ENGLAND_PATRIOTS.NOTE;1 >>>
-< New England Patriots >-
================================================================================
Note 69.28 Waive Eason! Why?? 28 of 224
FXNBS::CASO 19 lines 26-OCT-1989 13:13
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MR GRYGLIK, No im not a relitive but i know him....
Any way im not trying to change your mind but your wrong if you
think he sucks! And all i see is Tony Eason problems in hear there
is a LOT of Patriot players this year that sucks!!!
And he did lead the patriots to the superbowl!!!even though they
lost but no team would have won that game! And if i remeamber
Jim Plunkett was waived by Bill Walsh and the 49ers then lead
the Raiders to 2 SUPER BOWLS!!
And if you like MEN keep me out of it i see what you wrote you have
your opinions and i have MINE!
Bernie Koser has a few bad games and they let him play out of it!
Same thing for many NFL QB. Tony did good if you look at 2 out of
his 3 games he play'd in this year NO PATS QB HAS THROW FOR MORE
YARDS IN A GAME THIS YEAR THAN TONY! FACT!!!
<<< CHCAGO::MASA3:[NOTES$LIBRARY]NEW_ENGLAND_PATRIOTS.NOTE;1 >>>
-< New England Patriots >-
================================================================================
Note 69.161 Waive Eason! Why?? 161 of 224
FXNBS::CASO 7 lines 2-NOV-1989 14:06
-< ENOF SAID!!!!! >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
.160
WHATS THIS YOUR WRONG HES WRONG IM WRONG BULL! THE BOTTOM LINE IS
HE WAS PICK UP BY A TEAM WILLING TO PAY HIM TOP DOLLAR AND YOU AND
MANY OTHER NOTES SAID THAT WOULD NOT HAPPEN!!!!!
|
| 200.49 | | PFSVAX::JACOB | life's a bitch then you marry 1 | Tue Apr 03 1990 10:14 | 8 |
| I consider a good barroom brawl to be an excellent SPORTing event.
Dolly's fluid capacity may not be SPORTs but there's a few things about
her that just thinking about put me in a SPORTing mood.
JaKe
|
| 200.50 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Tue Apr 03 1990 10:18 | 14 |
| Thanks Denny --
I felt like a crackhaid, sittin' in the crackhouse, wif ma body
all achin' and racked wif pain, needing a fix...waitin' on lightin'
up, not having a stash....
And then, like Manna from Heaven, you came, you saw, and you supplied
RCASO...
I am f****** rolling bigtime!!!!
YEW OUR TWO BLAM!!!!
'saw
|
| 200.51 | | SASE::SZABO | | Tue Apr 03 1990 10:18 | 5 |
| 200.52 | | MCIS1::DHAMEL | Is Nothing Sacred? | Tue Apr 03 1990 10:34 | 34 |
|
Not so early in the morning, guys... Oh, no...I don't feel so good...
I feel like I'm gonna ralph....oh God, I am gonna....
RaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllLLLLLLLPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
!!!!!!!
CLEMENS
*** TON Y EASON drip
*** drip drip
*** drip
BLAM BLAM
YO ARE!!!111 !!!!11
drip drip
BLAM!!!!111
ONE MAN IN NO TO BLAM!!!!111
drip drip
drip drip
SYYOUNG CAN YU DO BETTER????!!!!111
drip
drip
drip
Oh, god....sorry, fellas. Excuse me....I'll go get something to
clean off your screen. Aw man...I'm so embarrassed.
-Dick
|
| 200.53 | You gotta keep their attention .... | AKOV13::GYOUNG | Between a Rock and a Hard Place | Tue Apr 03 1990 13:34 | 30 |
|
What's wrong with SPORTS ?? The problem is exemplified by the
majority of responses to this very note ......
The "old" SPORTS had some very unique personalities ...... folks that
knew their sports, enjoyed barbing back-and-forth and didn't have to
resort to Dolly Parton-based humour .....
IMO this "new" SPORTS has become dominated by a few cliques ... which
is o.k. except when the replies take on a "you-had-to-be-there"
focus ......
Noter A " Wow, that beer you drank last night sure must have mixed
up your head "
Noter B " Yea, and weren't those pretzels great "
This may be interesting/humourous to those who "were there" , but to
the majority of the folks reading this file (and thinking of
participating) ..... YAWN.
I, personally, find the sexual humour pretty boring too ..... not
that I'm a prude, but c'mon ..... most of this stuff reminds me
of a high school locker room conversation.
Just my opinion ...... as Joni Mitchell said " You never know what
you got 'til it's gone " .........
Greg
|
| 200.54 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Tue Apr 03 1990 13:47 | 5 |
| I still miss having Ralph in here. He used to really crack me up...
As for the rest...oh well
'Saw
|
| 200.55 | location notes(tm) | GENRAL::WADE | Jests,Yanks,Wardles,WimpsRUs | Tue Apr 03 1990 13:49 | 1 |
|
|
| 200.56 | | SASE::SZABO | | Tue Apr 03 1990 14:19 | 13 |
| 200.57 | do not attempt to adjust your set... | MCIS1::DHAMEL | Is Nothing Sacred? | Tue Apr 03 1990 17:25 | 11 |
|
It definitely runs in cycles, and should subside soon, so try to
bear with it.
I mean, college hoops are done, there's no football yet, baseball
has yet to open, and you know what they say about idle typing fingers
being the debil's workshop. Us junk note junkies will get a buzz
on, then fall asleep again.
-Dick
|
| 200.58 | | FTMUDG::REED | OklaSt--#29 NCAA Wrestling Championship | Tue Apr 03 1990 17:31 | 5 |
| besides, its almost the season for the SPORT of crocket. Imagine
for a second an athlete like DOLLY PARTON swinging a mallet and
JOGGING after a loose ball. Now, if that aint SPORTS.... Then
imagine that RCASO is helping her with her swing.... Hey wait a
minute?!
|
| 200.60 | Nonsense MrT. You've been tapped for years. | AXIS::ROBICHAUD | Dockers...Pants for |CENSORED|s | Wed Apr 04 1990 14:17 | 1 |
|
|
| 200.61 | I like to tap kegs.... | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Wed Apr 04 1990 15:12 | 14 |
| The collective creativity that exists in this file, from Mr T
to Dick, to me, to /Don, to Onan Dan, to other more numerous to
mention, is beyond belief.
If it wasn't so darn BIG, this forum, if put on TV, would blow
the Sportwriters out of the water. I mean, we've got the dastistickal
types for all the CPAs out there, and we've got the class-clown
types for people who like to laugh....we've even got our own
video producer....
Let's all pat ourselves on the back for this phenomenon....
latered,
'Saw
|
| 200.62 | | SASE::SZABO | | Wed Apr 04 1990 15:35 | 11 |
| 200.63 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Wed Apr 04 1990 15:48 | 11 |
| 200.65 | Dan's Obfuscations could be AntiNoting perhaps... | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Wed Apr 04 1990 15:55 | 21 |
| 200.66 | The difference is clear. | RHETT::KNORR | Carolina Blue | Wed Apr 04 1990 16:02 | 12 |
| Dan specializes in facts and logical analysis.
MrT specializes in facks (tm), T-hypocrisy (tm), emotional diatribes,
and, occasionally (the most recent example being him accusing Georgia
Tech of paying off the refs in the Michigan State game) ludicrous and
deranged ramblings. (BTW - My own feelings are that he picks this
up from Fight (tm) himself, but that's just an opinion.)
Hope this helps,
- ACC Chris
|
| 200.69 | Damn, I missed the Zamfir Prison Tour....... | SASE::SZABO | | Wed Apr 04 1990 16:17 | 9 |
| 200.71 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Wed Apr 04 1990 16:25 | 16 |
| 200.72 | Ever see "Inside Seka"? | SASE::SZABO | | Wed Apr 04 1990 16:31 | 8 |
| 200.73 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Wed Apr 04 1990 16:37 | 15 |
| Sybill Danning ... yum...
Well, what can I say.... I loved her in the Hercules movie with
Lou "The Incredible Dork" Ferrigno...
Also saw her in some German dubbed movie while I was in France.
I don't know the name but she was a teacher, having an affair wif
some student of hers, and she kept bonking him. We got to see
some pretty interesting portions of her anatomy. Anyway, someone
blowed away most of her husband's family, and I think it got
hung on the kid. (If anyone knows the name of the movie in English,
let me know....)
'Saw
|
| 200.74 | it's official | LEVERS::STROUT | 5 to 1... 1 in 5... | Wed Apr 04 1990 16:38 | 3 |
| this conference is OFFICIALLY out of control 8^)
sean
|
| 200.75 | | SASE::SZABO | | Wed Apr 04 1990 16:41 | 1 |
|
|
| 200.76 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Wed Apr 04 1990 16:42 | 10 |
| 200.77 | must add CLEARLY | SASE::SZABO | | Wed Apr 04 1990 16:43 | 1 |
|
|
| 200.78 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Wed Apr 04 1990 16:47 | 1 |
| BABY!!!!!
|
| 200.79 | | LEVERS::STROUT | 5 to 1... 1 in 5... | Wed Apr 04 1990 16:49 | 5 |
| 200.81 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Wed Apr 04 1990 16:58 | 11 |
| Uncle Buck, upon meeting the principal with the large hairy mole
on her chin:
Hi, I'm Buck Melanoma, and I'm the children's wart....
Had me rollin' for days....
Chainsaw
PS Still wanna know what movie that was with Sybil and the kid....
|
| 200.82 | Hey 'Saw, make some room for MrT on da Helbus! | SASE::SZABO | | Wed Apr 04 1990 17:01 | 5 |
| 200.83 | YOU GUYS NEED A T-O BABY! | GENRAL::WADE | Jests,Yanks,Wardles,WimpsRUs | Wed Apr 04 1990 17:12 | 1 |
|
|
| 200.84 | passing the time away... | LEVERS::STROUT | 5 to 1... 1 in 5... | Wed Apr 04 1990 17:24 | 69 |
| more classic Ralph notes. The "pears" one still has me rolllinng!
8^)
<<< CHCAGO::MASA3:[NOTES$LIBRARY]NEW_ENGLAND_PATRIOTS.NOTE;1 >>>
-< New England Patriots >-
================================================================================
Note 64.39 Forget this year .... who's the QB in '90 ? 39 of 63
FXNBS::CASO 4 lines 24-OCT-1989 14:49
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
.36
He said Tony Eason is a qulity QB in the NFL he mite of said later
that? I dont no!
<<< CHCAGO::MASA3:[NOTES$LIBRARY]NEW_ENGLAND_PATRIOTS.NOTE;1 >>>
-< New England Patriots >-
================================================================================
Note 51.71 [#2] Miami @Foxboro 71 of 119
FXADM::CASO 7 lines 19-SEP-1989 15:04
-< NO HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE HEAR! >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
.70
That was great could not have said it better myself!! Good going!
You cant expect a winner if you keep booing your team!! How would
you like it if your boss and pears were all over you every minute!
If it keeps up they need all road games!
<<< CHCAGO::MASA3:[NOTES$LIBRARY]NEW_ENGLAND_PATRIOTS.NOTE;1 >>>
-< New England Patriots >-
================================================================================
Note 60.43 Week #5 Pats vs Houston 43 of 102
FXNBS::CASO 9 lines 5-OCT-1989 14:00
-< HAD TO SAY IT!! >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I love it there is always excusess for DOUG but Eason is a bum and
gets no excusess from anyone but Doug always gets excuses no matter
what happens wins loses interceptions anything! Well i guess the
whole league must be stupied not one team has made DOUG FLUTIE
there starter it takes NEW ENGLAND fans to BOO the team they SAY
they want to STAY and not GO to the GAMES for him to get his chance
to start! WELL HEARS HIS CHANCE AND you (most) keep the excuses
coming!!!!
<<< CHCAGO::MASA3:[NOTES$LIBRARY]NEW_ENGLAND_PATRIOTS.NOTE;1 >>>
-< New England Patriots >-
================================================================================
Note 69.161 Waive Eason! Why?? 161 of 224
FXNBS::CASO 7 lines 2-NOV-1989 14:06
-< ENOF SAID!!!!! >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
.160
WHATS THIS YOUR WRONG HES WRONG IM WRONG BULL! THE BOTTOM LINE IS
HE WAS PICK UP BY A TEAM WILLING TO PAY HIM TOP DOLLAR AND YOU AND
MANY OTHER NOTES SAID THAT WOULD NOT HAPPEN!!!!!
|
| 200.86 | WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?? | DECWET::SPRINGER | SF GIANTS... vs nothing but midgets | Wed Apr 04 1990 17:45 | 23 |
| THANKS for reminding of the reason I don't read this notes file very
often.
I suppose it did not occur to any of you so called men that not one
woman responded to your three day dribble. I don't wonder that any of
you sport geniuses noticed there are very few women who even use this
file as a forum to express what added dimensions sports give their lives.
I am a very big fan of organized sports, male and female. I have
been watching professional sports for 30 years of my life and I would
not take back one moment of this time for anything. My heart has been
broken by Montana, Clark, McCovey, Mays and countless others who gave it
there best, which wasn't good enough for a win that day. I stuck with
those GUYS and the teams to see some of them get to the top. It has been a
bumpy ride most of the time, but there is nothing like the feeling of
your team going to the SUPERBOWL or the World Series.
The main topic of discussion in this sports note seems to be how to
best beat up the players on the teams you like and cry like a bunch of
babies when they lose.
I too think this file can be much more than statistics, but where is the
heart of the sports that you claim you like. I have always admired the
men in sports who have the guts and the heart to go the distance. I
just don't think you guys even know what that means.
Julie
|
| 200.87 | Siskel&Ebert&etc. | FTMUDG::DUGGAN | | Wed Apr 04 1990 17:50 | 12 |
| Too bad the HelBus isn't rolling (or is it rollward?) already. Because
tonight on the Toob here in C(h)olo Spgs (actually one of the Denver
channels), we have yet another of the illuminating and
sensitive movies about feminininininininity:
"Amazon Women on the Moon"!
Believe it or no, I'm gonna watch (at least) the first part since I, a
mere outlander, have never been exposed to anything quite this classy.
...mike
|
| 200.88 | | MCIS1::DHAMEL | Fargenuppagain | Wed Apr 04 1990 17:58 | 10 |
|
.86
Humbug.
Sports is first and foremost entertainment for a lot of people,
and I'm one of 'em.
-Dick
|
| 200.89 | | LEVERS::STROUT | 5 to 1... 1 in 5... | Wed Apr 04 1990 18:00 | 6 |
| MIKE!!!! Beware OF that movie.... It has nothing to do with the
title!!! It's this crazy movie about a television station and one
of the shows is called "Amazon...". You'll have to watch it to
truly understand how crazy it is... 8^)
sean
|
| 200.90 | | LEVERS::STROUT | 5 to 1... 1 in 5... | Wed Apr 04 1990 18:02 | 6 |
|
julie, just wunnerin'.. how can you like the SF Giants and not
like the 49ers??? (I take it from the note you're a Broncos fan).
thanks.
sean
|
| 200.91 | Non-sport: Hit NEXT UNSEEN now | MCIS1::DHAMEL | Fargenuppagain | Wed Apr 04 1990 18:07 | 14 |
|
Caught "Amazon Women on the Moon" on the tube the other night.
They had to edit quite a bit for television, but where they cut
out a few parts, they inserted new material that was not in the
original.
This movie is tooooo funny. I especially like the singer called
Clarence "No Soul" Something-or-other. He's this black dude who
sings all Carpenters and Barry Manilow Songs...you know, the sappiest,
candy-coated songs ever written. If ya want a few good belly laughs,
catch this one.
-Dick
|
| 200.92 | | FTMUDG::DUGGAN | | Wed Apr 04 1990 18:12 | 4 |
| If it's that crazy I'll fit right in!
...mike
|
| 200.93 | | LEVERS::STROUT | 5 to 1... 1 in 5... | Wed Apr 04 1990 18:14 | 9 |
|
Dick,
My favorite thing about No Soul was how he could sing those
sappy Manilow songs with absolutely NO expression. The camera would
be panned in on this emotionless face as it sang.
HILARIOUS!!!!
sean
|
| 200.94 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Thu Apr 05 1990 11:00 | 35 |
| When I started this topic is didn't have anything at all to do
with anything at all serious about Sports. It had to do with
"Where have you gone RCASO". It had to do with what I thought
was Mr T leaving the file again (which turned out not to be true).
It had to do with some of the past noters who are maybe no longer
with the company, who used to liven things up.
You wanna see how sports affects our lives? Read the file, read
the drivel. For often times hidden in the stupidest replies are
the grains of the truth.
For me, I don't have to sit here and argue about whether player x
has more desire than player y. I won't assume to know something like
that since I don't know what motivates them to play the game to begin
with. I know why I would play, but not necessarily why they play.
Sports can be a microcosm of life. But it can also be a really
good way just to relax. Kind of like Cheers. Every answer doesn't
have to mean something....expecting that is like expecting to find
symbolism in the type of lettuce in a salad in a foreign film.
Sports doesn't really affect my life unless I'm watching a game.
Players (most of them) are not my role models, and after my teams
loses a game, I realize that the sun still comes up in the morning,
I'm still breathing, and the team will have another chance to disappoint
me again soon (follow the Whalers, the Red Sox, and the US National
Soccer team, and you get to know this....)
What happens in this file is that people, in a small way, through their
junk notes, and their serious ones, put in stuff about themselves.
Get to know THEM and you'll get to know how sports affects them..
'Saw
|
| 200.95 | Hear hear! | SASE::SZABO | | Thu Apr 05 1990 11:16 | 1 |
|
|
| 200.96 | | COBRA::DINSMORE | Mcfall=francessa , true sport wizards | Thu Apr 05 1990 11:23 | 5 |
| FRANKIE,
WELL PUT.
|
| 200.97 | | COMET::JOHNSTON | namby-pamby bedwetting WHAT?!!? | Thu Apr 05 1990 11:45 | 9 |
| Frank,
Good speechings! You now making for sensicals I am saying this.
From your words I am standing beside myself with joys.
Mike JN
PS - If you can find some way to rig the GoWhAlE Contest so I can win it, I
will give you $1,000.00 apiece for those UConn glasses.
|
| 200.98 | @#$%^&^J#ing confuse character button!! | SHIRE::FINEUC1 | | Thu Apr 05 1990 11:52 | 24 |
| 200.99 | | SASE::SZABO | | Thu Apr 05 1990 12:09 | 7 |
| 200.100 | | COMET::JOHNSTON | namby-pamby bedwetting WHAT?!!? | Thu Apr 05 1990 12:30 | 16 |
| I saw `Amazon Women On The Moon' last night (part of it anyway).
I liked [ The man who turned a personal affliction into a career --
Don ` No Soul ' Simmons ]
I also loved it when they were watching out the port, and the moon blew up, and
you could still see a piece of it hanging on the string that had been holding
it up.
It had some pretty good spoofs of the whole fifties genre: Sci-Fi movies, dorky
commercials, etc.
Those Amazon Women looked exceptionally toothsome as well.
" Hmmm... The throne is still WARM! "
MIKE JN
|
| 200.101 | Damn, I knew I shoulda stayed in bed!! | USRCV1::COLOTTIR | Lisa,get away from that jazzman | Thu Apr 05 1990 12:34 | 4 |
| I only saw the beginning with Arsenio Hall and his real tough
morning. Tie caught in the garbage disposal, VCR tossed the tape into
his forehaid, TV blew up...etc... I was rollin'!!!!
|
| 200.102 | JN's forever | FSHQA1::AWASKOM | | Thu Apr 05 1990 17:00 | 13 |
| Well - like I said. I look for the junk notes.
And if you're gonna hang out in the bar with the guys, ya gotta
expect that they're gonna be a little, ummm, errr, 'loose' around
the edges. So I don't take offense, I just wish there were enuf
goils around that I could feed some of it back.
And when that Helbus to Co takes off, if ya don't mind toooo much
- youse guys need a designated driver? (I mean, I don't drink or
nuffin, but it sounds like a real blast.)
A&W (Alison)
|
| 200.103 | | SASE::SZABO | | Thu Apr 05 1990 17:12 | 7 |
| 200.104 | | 7983::RIEU | In search of...Mr Trout! | Thu Apr 05 1990 17:21 | 45 |
| Speakin' of livestock...
Two farmers met in town and got to talking. One farmer mentioned
to the other that he had a prize female pig on his farm, the second
farmer said that he had a prize male pig on his farm, so the two
farmers decided they would mate the two pigs and share the litter.
The next day farmer #1 picked up his female pig, put her in a
wheelbarrow and wheeled her over to his friends farm. While the two
pigs were in the act the first farmer asked the second farmer
"How will I know if my pig is pregnant?"
The second farmer explains, "Tomorrow morning, if she is rolling
around in the mud, that means she is pregnant."
After the pigs finish their act the first farmer picks up his female
and wheels her back to his farm. The next morning he wakes up and sees
his female out in the fields eating grass. So he again puts her in the
wheelbarrow and brings her to his friends farm. The next day she is
again out in the fields eating grass so the farmer loads her into the
wheelbarrow and wheels her over to his friends farm.
After about a week of unsuccessful attempts the farmer is at his wits
end, when he wakes up in the morning he can't bear to look at the
window, so he asks his wife,
"Honey, is the pig in the field eating grass?"
"No, she's not."
"Is she rolling around in the mud?!?"
"No, she's not rolling in the mud either."
"Then what is she doing?!?"
"She's sitting in the wheelbarrow!"
|
| 200.105 | | COBRA::DINSMORE | no pain.. no gain..bring on heartback | Thu Apr 05 1990 17:21 | 6 |
|
a and w,
perhaps you will serve root beer perhaps?
|
| 200.106 | | FTMUDG::REED | OklaSt--#29 NCAA Wrestling Championship | Thu Apr 05 1990 17:31 | 25 |
| Hey A&W, how'd you interested in sports?
My wife didn't used to care about football (or any other sport) for
years. It was really tough to be able to enjoy settling back with
a cold one and make it through the game without her getting upset
and feeling deserted. We talked about who was wearing the pants
in the family. With that out of the way she decided that if I
did the dished early enough then there would still be time to catch
most of the game.
To make a long, painful story short, I had to find a way to get
her involved in football watching. The main problem was that she
just didn't understand the rules and the object of the game. No
problem there. After explaining the basics of football she started
looking closer at the linesmen as they got ready to start a play.
Now that caught her attention when the screen filled with all these
shiney buns wrapped in semi-transparent pants.
That's all it took for *transformation*. Now its no problem to watch
a football game. If she's busy doing something I just yell, " Hey, Ma!
There's a game com'n on!". She says, "I know! It's Washington! I
LOVE their uniforms! I'll be right there."
Cowboy
|
| 200.107 | | GENRAL::WADE | one more radar lover gone! | Thu Apr 05 1990 17:38 | 6 |
| re. A & W
"Loose around the edges.."? Thanks for the leniency in your
description! Ever think of being a diplomat? ;^)
Claybone
|
| 200.108 | Woof. | WFOV11::APODACA | It's a Kodak(tm) moment. | Thu Apr 05 1990 18:26 | 10 |
| Dear Frankfurter,
I dinna know you were soooo profound. Must be the spring. ;)
I read sports because once in a while I glean something from it.
Otherwise I get to watch people be silly. >;>>>>>
---kim
(P.S. The dog still pee'ing on people, frank??? )
|
| 200.109 | | COMET::JOHNSTON | namby-pamby bedwetting WHAT?!!? | Thu Apr 05 1990 18:34 | 15 |
| 200.110 | I keep thinking of wood shavings. | WFOV11::APODACA | It's a Kodak(tm) moment. | Thu Apr 05 1990 18:38 | 7 |
| Okie, I'll bite.
What IS curling? Is there a note on it? ;)
---kim (who doesn't care for basketball much either, but admits
she can get into it if it's an important game)
|
| 200.111 | | 15436::LEFEBVRE | You gotta get in to get out | Thu Apr 05 1990 18:41 | 3 |
| Curling is a sport whereby the winning team normally wins by a sweep.
Mark.
|
| 200.112 | | FTMUDG::DUGGAN | | Thu Apr 05 1990 18:44 | 9 |
| AND JUST WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST CURLING???!?!?!?!?
They have a curling club in the Spgs. at the BroAdmoor. One of the largest
buildings in Duluth is the Duluth Curling Club. It sure helps you get
your rocks off...
8*)
...mike
|
| 200.113 | | MCIS1::DHAMEL | Fargenuppagain | Thu Apr 05 1990 18:49 | 6 |
|
Alice's College of Hair Care has won the Division VIII curling title
for the lasted three years.
Go clippers!!!!!
|
| 200.115 | | MCIS1::DHAMEL | Fargenuppagain | Thu Apr 05 1990 18:54 | 12 |
|
I don't know much about the sport and it's roolz, but it looks like
some kind of shuffleboard game played on ice where they slide a
large stone with a handle on it. Then they run ahead of the stone
with brooms to clear the way.
Don't laugh. I'm serious.
Anybody *really* know how to play this game?
-Dick
|
| 200.117 | | 15436::LEFEBVRE | You gotta get in to get out | Thu Apr 05 1990 18:58 | 6 |
| Do the heros of curling have their own names on their brooms?
You know, like Kirby and Wade have on their bats?
Perspiring mimes gotsta know!
Mark.
|
| 200.119 | | FSHQA1::AWASKOM | | Thu Apr 05 1990 19:03 | 31 |
| Hawk -
I wouldn't *dream* of looking when you pick up da heifers. It's
just that the whole freakin' *bus* is gonna stop when its a
good-lookin' bull (and youse guys don't get to peek, neither).
re root beer -
That's why the signature works, 'cause that's the strongest stuff
I drink. But I do a *great* high on it. Makes me a cheap date.
re how I got started wif sports -
damned if I know, it was sometime in high school. Prolly when my
best friend took me to my first Black Hawks game -- her dad was
manager of Chicago Stadium. We sat about 6 rows up, blue line,
right behind the bench. Except when we got the seats *between*
the benches. Hockey ain't the same on the tube, that's fer sure.
She jest showed me the publicity pic of Keith Magnuson, at 16 that
was all it took....
re curling -
It's played on ice. There is a big 'stone', which the teams slide
along the ice. You use a broom to sweep the ice ahead of the sliding
stone, in an effort to influence it's direction. The game originated
in Scotland, land of some *very* strange sports (these are the same
guys that toss telephone poles called cabers). Kinda slow developing
action.
A&W
|
| 200.120 | | COMET::JOHNSTON | namby-pamby bedwetting WHAT?!!? | Thu Apr 05 1990 19:15 | 13 |
| I saw it (from afar), and it looked like a big, round, flat bottomed
stone with a handle. It reminded me of an oversized version of my old granny's
irons... the kind you used to heat up on a stove instead of plug in. It looked
like the `curler' would take a little run and slide the rock towards the target
(a circle?), and the other people on the team used brooms to sweep in front of
it, or brush snow in front of it, in order to control the speed. Actually, it's
probably fun to play, but not exactly something I got off on watching.
I'm beginning to think Junk Noting pays off! So far today we've heard
from Karen, Julie, Alison, and Kim. That must be some kind of record! Welcome
aboard ladies!
Mike JN
|
| 200.121 | Great stuff, A&W ... | SHALOT::HUNT | A single ping please, Vasily. | Thu Apr 05 1990 19:15 | 13 |
| 200.122 | | FTMUDG::DUGGAN | | Thu Apr 05 1990 19:21 | 3 |
| re: 115: Your explanation is as good as any...
|
| 200.123 | | RIPPLE::DEVLIN_JO | G.H.C.C - Home of the Chokers! | Thu Apr 05 1990 20:52 | 13 |
| After Hockey, Curling is the second most popular sport in Canada.
I kid you not. It's on CBC alot in the winter. The explanations
given in here are pretty close - it is a little like shuffleboard
- strategy involves getting your stone closest to the center ring,
and if you do that, protecting it by placing a stone in the way
of your opponents. You can bump your opponents' stone out of the
circle. The sweepers, who now use a nylon broon instead ofthe ol
corn broom, try, as Steven said, to guide the direction of the stone,
but more importantly, they try to guide the SPEED of the stone.
By increasing the tempo of the sweeping, they rough the ice up and
make the stone slow down. Good sweepers can make or break a curl.
JD
|
| 200.124 | | FTMUDG::REED | OklaSt--#29 NCAA Wrestling Championship | Thu Apr 05 1990 20:55 | 6 |
| Curling is best described as sweeping a dead bird off your back porch
after an ice storm.
Hope this helps
Cowboy
|
| 200.125 | howdy, howdy, welcome to A&W | SHIRE::FINEUC1 | | Fri Apr 06 1990 06:02 | 3 |
| 200.126 | | MCIS1::DHAMEL | Fargenuppagain | Fri Apr 06 1990 10:45 | 15 |
|
> The game originated
>in Scotland, land of some *very* strange sports (these are the same
>guys that toss telephone poles called cabers). Kinda slow developing
Didn't they also invent that other stupid game where you try to
hit a little white ball into a hole a half a mile away? To warn
others that a ball was on it's way down the course, the player would
yell "Oh! It is hit", later shortened to "Oh, 'tis hit", which later
became the name of the game now known as "Oh Shit".
True story. Now would I make something like that up?
-Dick
|
| 200.127 | | SASE::SZABO | | Fri Apr 06 1990 11:18 | 1 |
|
|
| 200.128 | :-) | PFSVAX::JACOB | Real Men don't use Aluminum | Fri Apr 06 1990 11:24 | 11 |
| re back a few
THEY'RE NOW USING NYLON BROOM INSTEAD OF THE OLD CORN ONES?????????
Will it never end. Why screw up tradition and bring in foreign
man-made substances???? Sort of like REFINED ALUMINUN bats instead of
wood ones!!!!
JaKe
|
| 200.129 | | MCIS1::DHAMEL | Fargenuppagain | Fri Apr 06 1990 11:31 | 5 |
|
Next thing ya know, they'll be playing the game on artificial surfaces.
They'll have astro-ice made out of teflon, and the stones will be
made out of used bowling balls.
|
| 200.130 | | PFSVAX::JACOB | Real Men don't use Aluminum | Fri Apr 06 1990 11:46 | 8 |
| re.129
and think of the increase in knee injuries that'll bring. And next
thing you know, the rules will be chhanged to allow the "Regina
Elektricbroom". What's this world coming too???????????????????
JaKe
|
| 200.131 | | BUILD::MORGAN | | Fri Apr 06 1990 14:04 | 57 |
| I went to visit a friend of mine in the hospital yesterday, so I decided
to stop and get one of those grocery store check out line rags to give
him a few laughs. When I got to the hospital, I found out he had gone
home in the morning, so I still have the rag. Just thought I'd pass a
couple of stories along for your pleasure on this Friday afternoon.
Steve
He's looking for...
KING-SIZE ROMANCE
120-lb man tells why big gals make best wives and lovers
Gigantic fat gals are the sexiest women on earth, according to a skinny,
120-pound Romeo with a king-sized appetite for love!
Good-looking Gary von Schwebel, 25, is one of the ever-increasing number of
regular guys who are convinced that big women make the best lovers and wives.
Gary only has eyes for girls over 300 pounds. He'd love nothing more than
to settle down with a 500-pound beauty. When it comes to large ladies, Gary
admits, the sky's the limit!
SPECIAL BEAUTY
"I've been fascinated by the beauty and charm of fat women ever since I can
remember," declares Gary. "There's something very exciting about a girl who can
literally fill your arms.
"They're difinitely made for cuddling!"
Gary, who works for a financial institution, dated women of all sizes in the
past. But he soon learned that big women are more affectionate, compassionate
and caring than their skinny counterparts. They're also more faithful to men
who appreciate their special beauty.
INFLATED
According to Gary, there's a deeper, more spiritual side to fat women which
makes them ideal wives and mothers. And he's quick to point out that fat
doesn't mean ugly.
"My old girlfriend had long blond hair and the face of a Playboy model,"
Gary tells [name of rag]. "At 300 pounds, she looked like an inflated Heather
Locklear."
Finding heavy dates was no problem when Gary lived in Los Angeles and Casper,
Wyoming. But big gals are slim pickings in his new hometown of Albuquerque,
New Mexico.
"Fat women in Alguquerque are too weight-conscious," Gary explains. "I'm
looking for someone who's proud of being big.
"That's the kind of woman I want to spend the rest of my days with and
develop a spiritual bond with."
Convinced that his beloved behemoth is somewhere out there, Gary is asking
[name of rag] readers across the country for help in finding her. He is
romantic, easygoing, sensitive, totally sincere and willing to devote himself
forever to that one special person.
"I know I could make her the happiest woman in the world," he says confident-
ly.
Gary would love to hear from pen pals of any age.
********************************************************************************
If anyone's interested I have an address he can be reached at!
|
| 200.132 | | BUILD::MORGAN | | Fri Apr 06 1990 14:05 | 40 |
| Hard as nails
TOUGH GAL IS A BOUNCER IN THE MEANEST BAR IN TOWN
Tough gal Joey Speicher has been whacked in the face, smacked upside the
head and threatened with a gun, but that doesn't scare the chief bouncer at one
on the toughest country-and-western bars in the west.
Joey, who stands 6-foot-3 and weighs a rock-solid 240 pounds, keeps hard-
drinking cowboys under control at the Beacon Club in Casper, Wyoming.
At the first hint of trouble, Joltin' Joey jumps off her barstool and grabs
the roughneck with a powerful armlock or shoulder hold.
She lets troublemakers off with a stern warning the first time, but promises
to "get ugly" if they want to take her on in a fight.
If a fight breaks out, Joey jumps in the middle and brazenly declares to the
barrom brawlers: "If you want to try me, go ahead - but I promise you'll get
your butt beat!"
Even though she gets his at least five or siz times a week, Joey says that
being a gal bouncer has its advantages because "cowboys are raised not to his
women."
But not all of the guys follow a gentleman's code when Joey tosses them out
the door on the seat of their pants.
One bar patron bashed in Joey's face and broke her nose in the parking lot
after she kicked him out of the club.
NO FEAR
Joey says she was a bloody mess - but she got up and hit her attacker three
times before he went down for good.
Another time, Joey found her life being threatened when she encountered a
drunk with a handgun kicking a car door in the parking lot.
The man threatened to blow Joey's brains out, but she cooly told him to go
ahead - and then she turned and walked away, showing no fear.
Joey says she's tangled with enough customers at the Beacon Club so that
most patrons know not to mess with her.
The night manager at the Beacon says she's one of the best bouncers in the
business because she can talk people out of fights - and she's not afraid of
action, Joey's boyfriend isn't too keen on her profession however.
He wants her to pursue a more lady-like career but Joey says she loves being
a bouncer because she doesn't take orders from anybody.
|
| 200.133 | What's a rag without a story of UFO's? | BUILD::MORGAN | | Fri Apr 06 1990 14:06 | 58 |
| UFO veggies!
SPACE ALIENS TOLD ME HOW TO GROW TOMATOES AS BIG AS PUMPKINS...claims farmer
with astounding crops
A farmer whose gigantic 20-pound tomatoes are as big as pumpkins says he
learned the secret of growing monster vegetables from green-thumbed space
aliens!
Grateful Mario Cordato claims the aliens' amazing growing method saved his
faililng farm from certain bankruptcy.
"And the amazing thing is, growing huge vegetables is so simple," says the
47-year-old farmer and father of six.
"I don't know why I never discovered it myself. I owe everything to those
men from the heavens."
A team of government agricultural experts has visited Mario's farm and
confirmed that his vegetables are out of this world in size, color and taste.
GIANT ZUCCHINI
Mario's crop yielded tomatoes weighing from 12 to 23 pounds. His zucchini
ranged from two to three and a half feet long.
One head of lettuce was larger than a basketball and weighed more than five
pounds.
"Not only are the vegetables unusually large in size, their nutritional
content and flavor quality is excellent," says state official Hector Redonda.
"however, Mr. Cordato is being difficult revealing his secret.
HARVEST
"He deeps insisting that he was taught how to farm superior vegetables by
space aliens. This, of course, is outrageous."
Investigators are now testing the soil of Mario's 40-acre farm, which lies
northwest of Melo, Uruguay. They hope to identify unusual chemicals or fertil-
izers that could be responsible for the miraculous havest.
But Mario claims they're searching in vain.
"I learned the secret last May," he recalls. "My harvest had been pitiful
and my wife and children had gone to a special evening mass to pray for a
better crop.
"I was sitting in the field when I spotted a shooting star. It kept getting
bigger and suddenly I realized it was coming towards me. It settled in a nearby
grove of trees.
"I was frightened but curious, so I ran over. When I got there, I found a
large metal sphere about 25 feet high. A doo opened and three man-like
creatures came out.
TIMING
"They were no more than five feet tall and wore silver suits. Their skin was
very white and they had no hair or ears."
"I don't recall them making any sounds, but seemed like they were talking in
my head."
Mario claims the space aliens told him the correct time to plant, the pattern
of plowing and the exact amount of fertilizer to use.
"They said timing and positioning is everything when it comes to growing
crops," he says.
"And the exact time and position varies each year. Before they left, they
promised to return this year to instruct me for my next crop," Mario adds.
|
| 200.134 | Pasta champ! | BUILD::MORGAN | | Fri Apr 06 1990 14:07 | 30 |
| SPAGHETTI KING
He can eat 20 pounds of pasta in 15 minutes
Mighty mouth Mike Harvey has a hard acto to swallow because he can eat 20
pounds of spaghetti in 15 minutes.
Muscleman Mike, 29, pounds down mounds of pasta each day as part of his
strict bodybuilding routine. To keep his massive body fueled for exhausting
workouts, his daily menu also includes five chickens and 30 eggs.
"I love eating pasta so much that some people think I must be Italian," says
Mike.
"But I'm just a guy who likes to eat healthy food that tastes good.
"I feel strong as can be after I have a big plate of spaghetti. Popeye the
Sailorman got strong by eating spinach, and I get my strength from pasta."
Mike's power-pasta diet must be working because his chiseled body is the
envy of both men and women, and has brought him many bodybuilding championship
trophies.
He's training right now for another competition, but this time he's only
lifting his knife and fork instead of heavy barbells.
Mike is practicing his speedy pasta-eating skills because he wants to win
the gold medal in England's National Pasta Eating Championship.
FAVORITE
"Eating 20 pounds of pasta in 15 minutes is no big deal for me," boasts Mike.
"It's like lifting weights, you just have to train properly."
After Mike showed off his pasta-eating prowress, oddsmakers made him the
favorite to squash the other spaghetti-eaters when the pig-out contest gets
underway.
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| 200.135 | | SASE::SZABO | | Fri Apr 06 1990 14:16 | 16 |
| 200.136 | Haha | RIPPLE::DEVLIN_JO | Wood: Real Bats for Real People! | Fri Apr 06 1990 14:21 | 7 |
| Steve,
Great stuff. In the checkout line I saw the headline in one was
about some of Hitler's astronauts set to return to earth. Seems
ol' Adolph sent them up in a rocket in 1945 - the first astronauts.
JD
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| 200.137 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Fri Apr 06 1990 14:22 | 28 |
| Aye, now Bob....are ye makin' foon of us Scotsmen and ar kilts agin?
I'll roon ya thru wi' ma Claymore, ya scurrilous dog ye....
In their time, the Clans of Scotland were some of the greatest warriors
on Earth. I'm not an expert on their history (because I've yet to
find a history in the library that wasn't totally impossible to follow).
If you've never been to Scottish games, they are real trip. Most
of the events are weight events, and these fellows are HUGE. Surprisingly
enough, the one event in the games which has no standardization is the
caber toss. There are limits, but the caber at any give games is
different from the one the weekend before.
And not anyone can wear a kilt and wear it well. It takes some manly
legs to do justice to a kilt. And if you piss off a Scotsman who's
got a kilt on, watch out when he reaches down to his right calf. That's
where he keeps his dagger (actually a dirk).....
And if ya keep at it, I'll not let ye on the bus....8^)
A&W...you can drive, dear. I'll even hook you up a root beer IV
(my soft drink of choice is cream soda though....)
latered,
'Saw
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| 200.138 | | CHAP::CHAPPEL | Send Lawyers,Guns and Money | Fri Apr 06 1990 14:29 | 9 |
| >> In their time, the Clans of Scotland were some of the greatest warriors
>> on Earth.
And 'Saw we all know the greatest of them all is none other than....
Rowdy Roddy Piper
Chap
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| 200.139 | | COMET::JOHNSTON | namby-pamby bedwetting WHAT?!!? | Fri Apr 06 1990 15:13 | 5 |
| An inflated Heather Locklear, huh?
Now that has possibilities. Lemme think on it.
Mike JN
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| 200.140 | | FTMUDG::REED | OklaSt--#29 NCAA Wrestling Championship | Fri Apr 06 1990 15:24 | 4 |
| I knew a guy that weekly took his inflatable down to the car wash
to get'r cleaned up. (not that we were good friends)
Cowboy
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| 200.141 | | MCIS1::DHAMEL | Fargenuppagain | Fri Apr 06 1990 15:28 | 6 |
|
Those aliens coming down into the lower forty to grow veggies reminds
me of that movie...ah....I believe it was called "Field of Greens".
-Dick
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| 200.142 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Fri Apr 06 1990 15:31 | 11 |
| Lemme guess...
"If you tilled it, they will come..."
"Hoe the distance"
"Ease the rain"
BLAM BLAM BLAM,
'Saw
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| 200.143 | | FTMUDG::DUGGAN | | Fri Apr 06 1990 16:13 | 8 |
| I wonder if there was any significance about the fact that the dude who
loves "Rubenesque" ladies moved OUT OF Casper, Wyoming about the same
time that the Rubenesque lady bouncer moved INTO Casper.
Now, THAT is definitely a "Theory of Sports"-type question.
...mike
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| 200.144 | | PFSVAX::JACOB | Real Men don't use Aluminum | Fri Apr 06 1990 16:23 | 11 |
| >> An inflated Heather Locklear, huh?
^^^^^^^^
>> Now that has possibilities. Lemme think on it.
Mike:
He said inflated, not inflatable. Although an INFLATABLE Heather
Locklear would be something of a conversation piece, no pun intended.
JaKe
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| 200.145 | | CAM::WAY | Outfielder in the Bourbon | Fri Apr 06 1990 17:55 | 9 |
|
Would not an "inflated" Heather Locklear imply an "inflatable" Heather
Locklear whose inflation valve was more or less permanantly sealed
after sufficient air had been introduced into her internal environment?
What do you think Mr Wizard....
'Saw
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| 200.146 | | FTMUDG::REED | OklaSt--#29 NCAA Wrestling Championship | Fri Apr 06 1990 18:10 | 2 |
| Mr Wizard has probably been *pumping* inflatables for years
to learn more about air pressures and squealing air passage.
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| 200.148 | Been trout huntin' yet? | 15436::LEFEBVRE | You gotta get in to get out | Fri Apr 06 1990 18:17 | 3 |
| T, I'm ashamed of you.
Mark.
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| 200.149 | Inflated vs Inflatable | PFSVAX::JACOB | Real Men don't use Aluminum | Fri Apr 06 1990 18:17 | 19 |
| >> "My old girlfriend had long blond hair and the face of a Playboy model,"
>>Gary tells [name of rag]. "At 300 pounds, she looked like an inflated Heather
>>Locklear."
'saw:
Now in this context an "INFLATED" Heather Locklear IMHO wouldn't have
anything to do with air. It would mean she was under the influence of
too many freakin' pizzas, a few hundred burgers, and a couple thousand
gallons of chocolate milkshakes. The only thing to do with air here is
how much flatulence all this food would create.
"INFLATABLE" Heather Locklear means if you get to frisky and bite into
one of her mammaries too hard, she farts and flies out the window of
her own power.
JaKe
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| 200.150 | rollward! | SASE::SZABO | | Fri Apr 06 1990 18:20 | 1 |
|
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| 200.151 | | FTMUDG::REED | OklaSt--#29 NCAA Wrestling Championship | Fri Apr 06 1990 18:23 | 1 |
| Hey T, do they make an inflatable Bobby Knight?
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| 200.152 | | PFSVAX::JACOB | Real Men don't use Aluminum | Fri Apr 06 1990 18:27 | 15 |
| >> Hey T, do they make an inflatable Bobby Knight?
Now I'll talk about inflatable Heather Locklear's any day but I'm not
touching the Inflatable Bobby Knight" stuff that will surely follow
with a ten foot pole.
Harvey Schmadarkowalski, a well known ten foot pole, said he's not
going near it either.
Sheez, is it 5 o'clock yet. My brain is sloshing around in my head.
JaKe
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| 200.153 | | MCIS1::DHAMEL | Amazon Women Moon the Men | Fri Apr 06 1990 18:43 | 7 |
|
>inflatable Bobby Knight
You need the industrial strength air pump for the ego alone.
-Dick
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| 200.154 | | SASE::SZABO | | Fri Apr 06 1990 19:00 | 2 |
|
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| 200.156 | | CSCOA5::ROLLINS_R | | Wed Apr 11 1990 20:30 | 2 |
| Does anyone (besides me) think that T sounds a lot like
radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh ?
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| 200.157 | | 7983::RIEU | In search of...Mr Trout! | Thu Apr 12 1990 10:03 | 2 |
| Sounds more like Rev. Bakker to me!
Denny
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| 200.158 | | FTMUDG::REED | OklaSt--#29 NCAA Wrestling Championship | Thu Apr 12 1990 13:13 | 7 |
| That reminds me. While cleaning out the basement I came
across a used (but not abused) Tammie inflatable. I'll
take the best *reasonable* offer. Included is several
quarts of realistic makeup and face putty (not the cheap
Bondo brand). DTN--BR549
Cowboy
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| 200.160 | | 7983::RIEU | In search of...Mr Trout! | Thu Apr 12 1990 15:15 | 3 |
| Re: best offer for Tammie-do-all doll
Give me 100 bux and I'll come cart it away with my 20-foot pole!
Denny
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| 200.162 | ahem.. blah blah | LEVERS::STROUT | chew electric death!!!! - spiff | Wed Apr 18 1990 18:37 | 19 |
| Looks like SPORTS is officially deemed OUTTA::CNTROL. What
started this whole thing anyways? Who is to BLAM??? Will
anyone ever be able to mention a beach ball again without
the fated reference to ninja noters and the Mefaa tribe??
Is nothing sacred???
The SPORTS community lays in shatters as the fragment of society
swings violently out of control under the anarchal influences
of such famed NOTES criminals as Chainsaw, Mike JN, Hawk, /Don,
Mad Dog Hendry and a cast of other outlaws.
Who will save OURGNG from inevitable doom? What is the fate
of SPORTS as we know it??? Will a swift justice be handed
down upon those who have trespassed against the very basic
laws of SPORTS or will this only give rise to yet another
sadistic wave of gut busting replies rich in sarcastic humor
and outright hilarity?
What gives wif sports, anyways????
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| 200.163 | | CAM::WAY | Will you yield, and this avoid? | Thu Apr 19 1990 10:34 | 4 |
| Well, to kinda paraphrase Hank Williams Jr., and to admit guilt but
not remorse:
"I'm still the most wanted outland in the land..."
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| 200.164 | calling JHendry! | LEVERS::STROUT | chew electric death!!!! - spiff | Mon Apr 30 1990 13:05 | 25 |
| Reprinted wif permission. Remind you of anything?? 8^)
<<< PEAR::DUA1:[NOTES$LIBRARY]SOAPBOX.NOTE;1 >>>
-< Soapbox - lively and vigorous debate on all topics >-
================================================================================
Note 25.22 Nuclear Weapons 22 of 22
KYOA::HASKELL "Fais gaffe, tu vas te foutre** parte" 14 lines 26-APR-1990 23:01
-< Attack Beachball >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It had to have been one of the lowest budgeted films ever made.
If you loved attack of the giant tomato, you would have gone bonkers
over the heroic struggle of one of 'our' hero's valiantly defending
himself against a docile beach ball 'pet' turned into a rabid attack
ball. It had all the excitement of battling a ball on a string, and
held you in suspense, right up to the moment when it fizzled out after
being punctured. Wow! What a tear jerker that was. Actually, it was so
pathetic, you couldn't help but laugh.
(And yes, the beachball alien pet was a beachball of the type you could
buy in any sporting goods store.)
/jack
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| 200.165 | | FSHQA2::JHENDRY | John Hendry, DTN 292-2170 | Mon Apr 30 1990 13:28 | 8 |
| Who, me? Never.
However, the Ninja 'Police can be after the note because the correct
plural of hero is heroes, not hero's (sic).
I'm not the only one out there!
John
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