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Conference 7.286::sports_90

Title:OURGNG::SPORTS - Digital's daily tabloid
Notice:Please review note 1.83 before writing anything.
Moderator:VAXWRK::NEEDLE
Created:Thu Dec 14 1989
Last Modified:Fri Dec 17 1993
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:438
Total number of notes:50420

213.0. "What Sport Would You Play?" by UPWARD::HEISER (tag his toe & put him in the drawer) Thu Apr 12 1990 16:32

    This was inspired by recent entries in the "Sports Theory" note.
    
    If you had your choice, what major sport would you play as a
    professional?  Why?
    
    I think mine would be Golf, although my first love is NBA basketball.
    NBA life seems to be too hectic for me (i.e., too many games, different
    city every night, very fast paced).
    
    Golf has a calm atmosphere, the pay is good, and you only work certain
    weekends for part of the year.  You also take in some nice scenery on
    the PGA tour.
    
    Mike
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213.1CAM::WAYThe Lesser BardThu Apr 12 1990 16:5913
Given ma druthers, I'd love to play 

	- Hockey (goalie)
	- Soccer
	- Grand Prix MC Racing
	- NASCAR
	- Golf

pretty much in that order.  To me, one of the hardest things to do
in sport is make an accurate chip shot to within x distance of
the cup, and to make a long birdie putt....

'Saw
213.2Yeah, I'd play for the gold...FTMUDG::REEDOklaSt--#29 NCAA Wrestling ChampionshipThu Apr 12 1990 17:0926
    I wrestled the last 4-5 years of school and dabbled in pole vaulting,
    but since my weight class wasn't heavy-weight there was no chance of
    wrasslin' as a pro (if you even consider that a sport).
    
    Back then, in Oklahoma, soccer teams were unheard of but in grade
    school everyone played "kick ball".  Our gym teacher was inspired
    by how we enjoyed our brand of soccer that she taught us the rules
    and organized a real game.  Everyone was assigned a position to play
    and all during the game nobody would move from that spot on the field.
    We were all lined up in formation and stayed that way until the end
    of the game.  (It probably looked like a marching band practice).  
    Unless the ball came right up to a player nobody went to the ball.
     
    Although the "real" game was a failure I never forgot how great it
    was to play "kick ball".  When the NASL teams were around, Tulsa was
    lucky enough to get "The Roughnecks".  I got field passes occasionally
    and took photographs of some of the games.  On our wedding night Mrs.
    Cowboy and I watched Tulsa beat The Cosmos--its hard to forget that
    night.
    
    After a few years I played on adult teams and, like many athletical 
    has-beens, felt like I could have had a chance to play professionally
    if there had been sponsored leagues when we were kids.
    
    Cowboy
      
213.3I wouldn't mind winning the PGA Grand Slam.RSST6::RIGGENBiking with BurleyThu Apr 12 1990 17:1310
I gotta agree with Mike on the Golf bit. Not real hectic great Vacation resorts 
to visit. Only work in good weather. Have time for Family or a visit to each
cities best resturants and Golden Banana type establishments.


- Grand Prix MC Racing
Saw is this Motocross ?  Tonight on ESPN following the Late SportsCenter is 
the second leg of the Supercross series. 

Jeff 
213.4LEVERS::STROUTfive to one... one in fiveThu Apr 12 1990 17:151
    	Stock Car racer.  I was born to be sponsored by Bud.
213.5The National PastimeSHALOT::HUNTA single ping please, Vasily.Thu Apr 12 1990 17:328
Baseball ...

Best overall paycheck to effort ratio, adoring fans, part of national 
mystique, endorsement bonanzas, and ...

Susan Sarandon loves to read Walt Whitman to you.

Bob Hunt
213.6Anything else would be a most distant secondHOTSHT::SCHNEIDERArizona Athlete of the Year!Thu Apr 12 1990 17:518
Without a doubt, Baseball.

Play all summer long, spend March in Florida, all winter off
to go to Australia, can afford almost anything.

And those are just the logistics.  The thrill of the grass...

Dan
213.7CAM::WAYThe Lesser BardThu Apr 12 1990 18:0228
Re MC racing:

	Nope.  It's, well, it's....

	Okay, you get a bunch of guys like Wayne Rainey, Eddie Lawson
	Freddie Spencer, Randy Mamola.

	Now, you get a bunch of crotchrockets, made by Yamaha, Suzuki,
	Honda, (Kawasaki is conspicuously absent).

	Put the men on these special, high speed (so high speed in
	fact that when you roll power on your eyeballs touch the 
	back of your haid), bikes, put the combination on a
	road racing course, and let them ride.

	When they come to a corner those bikes lean hard over as
	the riders lean off and drag a little knee...

	Gawd, I'm firm and squirmin' just thinking about it...

	There's three classes:  500cc (REAL crotchrockets)
                                250cc (little missles)
                                125cc (funny to watch, but a crash will
	                               mess up your day....)

That's grand prix mc racing....

'Saw
213.8Baze-ball ben veddy good to meMCIS1::DHAMELAmazon Women Moon the MenThu Apr 12 1990 18:0321
    
    You got the essence of our National Pastime down pat, Bob.
    
    Yes...the megabucks, the great national recognition (appearances
    on "Good Morning America" the day after the series)...the megabucks...
    the endorsements (remember the Reggie Candy Bar?)...the baseball
    groupies...the megabucks...you don't play when the weather is lousy,
    or when you don't feel like it (Lee Smith)...and besides, it is
    a great game to play, too.  Oh, and the money's good, too, if I
    haven't mentioned that. Imagine "Homerun Hamel" on a baseball card,
    this thirty-ish, forty-ish, slack-muscled guy who with his one
    eyes-closed swing in the 10th inning of the seventh game of the
    World Series has gained immortality by hitting a 315-foot homer
    off the foul pole.  Forget "YAZ Bread" , I'll be cleaning up on
    "Big Dick Bread" while sellin' autographs to kids who can't afford
    school lunch money.
    
    What a game! Is this a great country or what?
    
    -Dick
    
213.9Women's jello wrestling. Without a doubt.VAXWRK::NEEDLEThu Apr 12 1990 18:250
213.10UPWARD::HEISERgo BABY go!!Thu Apr 12 1990 18:262
    Jeff, don't you have to be a woman for that?  Is there something you
    need to tell us? 
213.11RIPPLE::DEVLIN_JOSaints,Samaritans,RangersThu Apr 12 1990 18:329
    Why baseball of course - I could grow old and get out of shape,
    and still play it, and folks would adore me.  I'd make zillions
    of bucks, not give a damn about the fans who adore me and are totally
    blind in their love for the game, grow older and more out of shape,
    maybe become a coach, manager, or announcer, talk about the good
    ol days, still be adored by everyone, and never have to worry about
    expending too much money.  Could also marry women with big buzoooms.
    
    JD
213.13SASE::SZABOThu Apr 12 1990 19:335
213.14RIPPLE::DEVLIN_JOSaints,Samaritans,RangersThu Apr 12 1990 20:513
    You are right Hawk, Have to maryy wmoen with big Iris_chacons!!
    
    JD
213.15At the speed of *Lite*RAVEN1::B_ADAMSBump and Grind till there is no more!Thu Apr 12 1990 20:567
    
    	NASCAR
    	Moto-cross
    	Golf
    	Tennis
    
    B.A.
213.1615436::LEFEBVREHaving a Maalox momentFri Apr 13 1990 01:115
    Baseball
    Hockey
    Coed water sports
    
    Mark.
213.17N.F.L.LUDWIG::CLAYBROOKFri Apr 13 1990 07:238
    I guess I'll be the first to pick the N.F.L. even though the average
    career I think is 3.5 years. But IMO it is the greatest sport there
    is. Then second would probably be golf. Thats not a bad way to make
    a living, you don't depend on anyone else jsut yourself. You get
    paid on how you perform, then maybe baseball, stub a toe take a
    couple weeks off, sprain an ankle and out for a month.
    
                                                         Dan
213.18Big Dick Bread...Helps build strong bodies 12 ways...AXIS::ROBICHAUDAttilaTheHun,IvanTheTerrible,RangersFri Apr 13 1990 10:381
    
213.19NASCAR is tough...CAM::WAYThe Lesser BardFri Apr 13 1990 10:4225
The hardest thing about being a NASCAR driver, I think, is 
remembering your sponsors.

NASCAR is the only kind of racing where I've never heard them 
refer to the car.  Like, in Formula I, when Nigel Mansell wins
a race he'll say:  "The car handled beautifully today, tight
enough in the corners, with good speed in the straight."

Now,  Dale Earnhardt, (or maybe even my main man Geoff Bodine) wins
a race.  Here's what they say:

	"Well, Chris, the BudLite-Valvoline-Purolator-BandAid-
	 ChockFullO'Nuts-Monroe-MrsFilbertsMargerine-Kodak Chevy 
	 Lumina ran really well today.  *Goodyear* tires made
	 the difference too, as did my pit crew of Billy Bob,
	 Ray Randy, Bobby Joe, Skeeter, and Gomer.....

Now, you also have to remember that Chevy is pronounce "Shivvy".

This is going to be tough for me to remember when I hit the NASCAR
circuit.  I mean, I thought all I had to do was Drive, Win, Kiss the Pretty
Girl, Drink Beer, Invite the Pretty Girl back to my Trailer for a Slam
Dunk Contest, Pick up my check....(but not necessarily in that order....)

'Saw
213.20Hoops!SHALOT::MEDVIDRita Hayworth gave good faceFri Apr 13 1990 10:4512
    First choice:
    
    Pro-Hoops.  If I were as good on a real court as I am at Nerf Hoop in
    my living room, I'd be better than Jordan!  To be on the receiving end
    of an ally-oop to seal the game in front of a frenzied home
    crowd...can't be nothin' better.  
    
    Second Choice:
    
    Laker Girl masseur.  Hmmmmmmmm.  Make that my first choice!
    
    	--dan'l
213.21drugs in their cup ?YIPPEE::FILHOLFri Apr 13 1990 10:556
    Don't you have to take "drugs" to be a really good players in NFL ?
    
    Just wondering...
    
    Bruno
    ps:Tennis, Volley-ball and triathlon.
213.22:-)STAR::YANKOWSKASPaul YankowskasFri Apr 13 1990 11:096
    I'd want to be a thoroughbred race horse....work for 3-4 years, then
    retire and go to stud for the rest of my life...yeah, I could live with
    that...
    
    
    py
213.23FTMUDG::REEDOklaSt--#29 NCAA Wrestling ChampionshipFri Apr 13 1990 11:2312
    > I'd want to be a thoroughbred race horse....work for 3-4 years, then
    > retire and go to stud for the rest of my life...yeah, I could live with
    > that...
    
    > py
    
    Who wouldn't want to but that's not how it's done now.  Today's stud
    is a virgin--unless you call a mechanical lip'r the real thing.  The
    drawback is that this leads to chromium perversion
    
    Cowboy
    
213.24CAM::WAYThe Lesser BardFri Apr 13 1990 11:2614
Paul...

What a perfect idea.  All those fillies running around just waiting
for you to stud them.  All the oats you can eat.  Those nice
trainer girls rubbing you down and massaging and exercising you.

A nice big green Kentucky pasture to romp around in...

Yeah, that would be the life alright....


If I couldnt' play a sport I'd sure want to be a photographer at them....

'Saw
213.25CAM::WAYThe Lesser BardFri Apr 13 1990 11:3618
213.278^)CAM::WAYThe Lesser BardFri Apr 13 1990 12:0511
213.28AXIS::ROBICHAUDAttilaTheHun,IvanTheTerrible,RangersFri Apr 13 1990 12:339
213.29MCIS1::DHAMELHave a Good FridayFri Apr 13 1990 12:415
    
    A professional foreplayer...Hmmm, nice concept.
    
    -Dick
    
213.30It takes discipline DickAXIS::ROBICHAUDJason,FreddieKrueger,N.Y.RangersFri Apr 13 1990 12:421
    
213.31MCIS1::DHAMELHave a Good FridayFri Apr 13 1990 12:424
    
    And I guess the last horse in would be the long reliever.
                   
    
213.32FTMUDG::REEDOklaSt--#29 NCAA Wrestling ChampionshipFri Apr 13 1990 12:4411
    re: .28
    
    It's a good thing for the preparer that horses *aren't* too bright.
    If they realized that the mare was just the fore-play and the preparer
    (with his sex aids) was who he *really* was in-love with then the stud
    would be trying to mount the preparer whenever he was around.  Kinda
    like a big horney dog jumpin on your leg.
    
    Hope This Helps the City-bound Noters
    
    Cowboy
213.33CAM::WAYGoebels,Eichmann,Hess,Mengele,RangersFri Apr 13 1990 13:188
re:  "It takes discipline, Dick"

	It also takes dick discipline.

re:  the preparer handing of to the stud..

	Tag Team Studding(tm), Sport, or a channel for moral filth?
	Find out on the next Geraldo!
213.35Golf,NBA,footballCNTROL::CHILDSCelts & Philly in the Eastern FinalsFri Apr 13 1990 13:544
    
    photographer for the sports illustrated swimsuit issue....
    
    mike
213.36CAM::WAYTag Team Studding take discipline, DickFri Apr 13 1990 13:575
213.37SI Swimsuit Issue...An American TraditionAXIS::ROBICHAUDStudding...It's not just a jobFri Apr 13 1990 14:007
    	I dunno Mike.  After watching "The Making of The Sports Illustrated
    Swimsuit Issue".  A film I highly recommend by the way, I think
    I would like to be the guy who puts makeup on the model's uh...
    buttocks.  But you have to start at the bottom, and some people
    say it's a dead end job.
    
    				/Don
213.38CAM::WAYTag Team Studding takes discipline, DickFri Apr 13 1990 14:031
Yeah, and I'm sure you'd be the butt of all the jokes too!
213.39what a bummerMCIS1::DHAMELHave a Good FridayFri Apr 13 1990 14:371
    
213.40howdaya crack into that profession?COMET::JOHNSTONWonFarfugIsKnotEnuf! WhoIsTooBlam?!Fri Apr 13 1990 14:495
213.41UPWARD::HEISERsilent anticipationsFri Apr 13 1990 14:531
    do they get behind on their work?
213.42CAM::WAYTag Team Studding takes discipline, DickFri Apr 13 1990 15:071
Let's just hope they're not anal retentive...
213.43REFINE::ASHEYou better shop around...Fri Apr 13 1990 19:039
    Waht about the guy who brushes the sand of their butts?  That's a
    tough one I bet...
    
    Coed tonsil hockey count?
    
    I guess if I had to, it would be baseball or tennis... except tennis
    I'd have to live up to the name...
    
    How much does pro v-ball pay?  I could deal with that...
213.44Don't limit your dreamsWNDMLL::SCHNEIDERArizona Athlete of the Year!Fri Apr 13 1990 20:037
    >How much does pro v-ball pay?  I could deal with that...
    
    Walt, as long as we're fantasizing, if you don't get paid enough on the
    pro tour, you can get a few million dollar promotional deals, like for
    Nike Volleyball shoes, and Head Volleyball wrist bands, etc.
    
    Dan
213.45UPWARD::HEISERI'm schizophrenic and so am IFri Apr 13 1990 21:114
    spring training is great too.  sand volleyball on the beaches of
    southern california.
    
    Mike
213.46what else?SHIRE::FINEUC1Tue Apr 17 1990 09:4111
Snooker player, of course:  fun, lots o' buckos, girls with big taataas, go
all over the world.

I've always been nuts about hockey and football, but would rather have teeth.

As for Car racing, I saw a Formula 1 car a couple of weeks ago, and I can tell
ya I wouldn't even drive one on the street let alone on a track.  Scared the
s*it out of me and it wasn't even fired up - just sitting there!!

rick 

213.47JULIET::MAY_BRWimp football rules!Tue Apr 17 1990 20:2910
    
    Pro Volleyball player.  The top few make $100-200K on the circuit,
    plus 2-3 times that on the side.  The scenery is as good as the
    SI swimsuit edition photagrapher, and much friendlier.
    
    2nd choice would be a baseball.  Anyone who has ever worked on a
    golf course knows better than to put down professional golfer.
    
    Bruce    
                                              
213.48Lycra is bestSHAPES::STRAGEDWed Apr 18 1990 09:5113
    There us an interesting division between those who would choose team
    sports and those who would "go-it-alone"  (e.g. Tennis, Golf, Racing,
    etc.).  I'm curious to know if this is a significant factor in
    choosing a preferred sport or whether it is secondary to money,
    location and women with large breasts!!!
    
    Personally, I would play soccer as a team sport and, if I were to rely
    on myself, there is no doubt.....DOWNHILL RACING!!!
    
    Puddle Jumper
    
    P.S.  With respect to SI's swimsuit issue...I'd rather be the swimsuit!!
    
213.49 :-) SASE::SZABOWed Apr 18 1990 11:095
    Individual or team sports is not a consideration for me at all.  I'll
    go wherever there are lovely American foxes with large American
    breasts!
    
    Ivan.
213.50CSC32::J_HERNANDEZE-ladie-ladie-ay, ha, ha,haThu Apr 26 1990 17:128
    I'd play Centerfield for the Dodgers, Free Safety for the Rams,
    Peephole operator for the Laker Girls dressing room, (Imagine the $$
    you can get from all the kids) or Right Wing on Argentina's World cup
    soccer team. Diego Maradona would dribble through everyone, shoot, hit
    the post and I'd put the rebound in. 
    
    
    I agree about the guy who puts makeup on the swimsuit models 'tho. 
213.51See ya on the back nine!CSC32::GL_JOHNSONThe Uplift Mofo Party PlanSat May 05 1990 03:547
       
         Golf.  In what other sport can you be out-of-shape, overweight 
    and still make a lot of money? :-)  Seriously, once I finally learned 
    how to hit the ball instead of the dirt, I found it a lot of fun.  If 
    only this crazy Colorado weather would cooperate. :-(  
    
         					 Glen J.