Conference 7.286::humor

    
       A man walks into a bar.....  and sits next to a priest. He orders
    and drink and sits there reading the newspaper.
    
      The priest looks at him and notices that he's already drunk, has
    lipstick smudges all over him and is all tussled like he just got out
    of bed. 
    
       The guy looks up from the newspaper and says.. "Father how does
    one get arthrits?" The priest saw this as an opportunity to tell
    the guy that he is doing the work of the devil. He's says that it's
    a man who drinks heavily, sleeps with wicked women, and just doesn't
    take care of his cleanliness. The man looks at him and says. "Oh my."
    He then continues to read the newspaper.
    
        The priest started feeling bad about being so hard on the man 
    and says. "Son, I'm really sorry about being so hard on you. How
    long have you had arthritis?" The man says.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
          "Oh father, I don't have arthritis, it says here in the
    newspaper that the Pope has it."

    	Sorry if this is entered elsewhere.
    
    		WARNING: Extremely gross joke follows -
    
    
    	A man walks into a bar..... down on his luck, a pennyless bum, but an
    alcoholic that really needs a drink. He looks around and comes up with
    an angle to bum a drink.
    
    	He walks over to a man reading a racing form and says, "Sir, I can
    see by looking at you your a betting man. I'll bet you a drink that I
    can drink that whole spittoon over there." Not believing this guy will
    actually do it, he says "Yeah, sure."
    
    	The bum goes over and picks up the spittoon. Looking down into it,
    he sees blobs of brown, yellow, green, and red. He closes his eyes, puts
    it to his lips, and starts drinking; glug, glug, glug.
    
    	When the person he bet with sees this, he yells to the bum, "Stop,
    you won, I'll buy you a drink". The bum keeps drinking, glug, glug, glug. 
    Again, the person yells, "Stop, please stop, your making me sick." The bum
    keeps drinking, glug, glug, glug. Once more, the person yells to the
    bum while holding his stomach and gagging, "Stop, please stop, I'll buy
    you two drinks if you just stop", but the bum continues; glug, glug,
    glug.
    
    	Finally, the bum finishes. He wipes the remnants of translucent
    ooze off his lips using his sleeve and goes to collect his bet. When he 
    did, the person he bet with asked, "Look, why did you keep going after I 
    told you you won ? Why didn't you stop ?"
    
    	The bum turned and said to him, "Well, I wanted to, but...
    
    
    	...it was all one piece !!!"