Conference 7.286::humor

Rules for Bedroom Golf

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. Normally one 
club and two (2) balls.

2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the holes.

3. Owner of the course must approve the equipment before play may 
begin.

4. For most effective play, the club must have a firm shaft. Course 
owners are permitted to check the shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict the shaft length to 
avoid any damage to the course.

6. Unlike outdoor golf, the goal is to get the club into the hole, 
while keeping the balls out.

7. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as deemed 
necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. 
Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the 
course in the future.

8. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately 
upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take 
time to admire the entire course, with special attention being given 
to the well-formed bunkers.

9. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they may have 
played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being 
played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a players 
equipment for this reason.

10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been 
properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played 
for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate 
if they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a 
private course.

11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all 
times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be 
temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful 
in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of 
play when this is the case. Players are encouraged to have proper 
rain gear along, just in case.

12. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before 
attempting to play the back nine.

13. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to 
proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the request of 
the course owner.

14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to 
play the same hole several times in one match.

15. The course owner will be the sole judge as to who is the best 
player.

16. Players are advised to think twice before considering membership 
at a given course. Additional assessments may be levied by the course 
owner, and the rules are subject to change. For this reason many 
players prefer to continue to play several different courses.

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Priest: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.

Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow aren't they?

George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters.
They lost their sight while saving our club house last year.
So we let them play here anytime free of charge!

(silence)

Priest: That's so sad.  I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see
if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?