Conference 7.286::humor

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force
pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are problem
listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.


Problem:  "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem:  "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1:  "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2:  "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem:    "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem:  "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem:  "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem:  "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem:  "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem:  "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem:  "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem:  "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

Problem:  "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."


[Posted by WWW Notes gateway]

    
    Question:
    
    	Which is the most intelligent of the following services:
    
    	1. British Army
    	2. Royal Navy
    	3. Royal Air Force.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    Answer:
    3. Royal Air Force - because they are the only ones to send their
    Officers into battle.
    

    
    This story was told to me by my Father who served his National Service
    in the RAF.
    
    This order was posted in Station Routine Orders which came out once a
    week, to pass on important information to the people on the Station.
    
    'All bedding blankets are to be taken from the beds and beaten and
    shaken at 0800 on Wednesday. If raining this procedure is to be carried
    out the previous Tuesday'
    
    
    Another quick one:
    
    'Military Intelligence'  A contradiction in terms. :-)
    
    Neal.