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Conference hbahba::cam_sports

Title:Sports 93-96 Archive. No new notes allowed
Notice:Chainsaw's last standSPORTS_97
Moderator:HBAHBA::HAAS
Created:Mon Jan 11 1993
Last Modified:Tue Apr 15 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:302
Total number of notes:117855

151.0. "Christmas, 1993" by CAM3::WAY (You can't polish a turd) Mon Dec 20 1993 18:20

Well, it's Christmas.   That means the annual Chainsaw's Christmas Essay.
I don't know if it's good, I don't know if it's bad, and quite honestly,
I don't really care.  I know where it came from, and that's enough for me....



I sat down to do this Christmas essay with a lot of different thoughts on 
my mind.  The comedic part of me kept popping a parody of "Twas the
Night Before Christmas" into my head, and the rational part of me rebelled,
since I've only seen a 100 or so of those in the past two weeks, most poor, 
some worse than that, and a few that are repeated every season like
a rash that just won't go away, no matter how much Cruex you use.

The musical part of me heard Christmas carols, and the comedic part of me
jumped on that.  "O Little Town of Bethlehem" started to have something to do
with Bob Knight, and "Noel, Noel" became "Shaquille, Shaquille". "Silver Bells"
got a little bit nastier, and "O Come All Ye Faithful" showed me just how
warped I was capable of getting. At that, my rational part got out a baseball
bat, and things threatened to get quite nasty inside my skull -- which amused
my Dennis Hopper part  quite a bit.  

Through it all, the writing part of me sat quiet.  Writers block, I thought, 
wondering how much worse it would get.  A big blank,  nothing coming.  The
comedic part of me started to haul out the parodies again, and this time the
rational part connected, plowing the comedic part over the fence in deep left
as if it were a high hanging curve.   Aspirin took care of that.

After a while it dawned on me that there was one image I kept seeing in
my head, quietly, kind of out of the corner of my eye, a fleeting glimpse.
Just kind of hangin' there.

For weeks now I've been seeing this Homeless Guy.  Not really.  Not like
on the street or anything, not like I'm passing him every day on my way
to work, or on my way into the Armory on Monday nights in that not-so-good
section of the city.   I've just been seeing him in my mind.

He hangs around the edges, almost out of sight, and, surprisingly enough,
to me, at least, mostly out of mind.  Every once in a while he shuffles
through some passing thought, searching the dumpsters of my brain for 
anything useful, some scrap of food to eat, some cardboard from which
he can make a shelter.  If he's really lucky, he comes up with an umbrella
or some deposit cans.

So, I started thinking about this Homeless Guy, and in fact I went looking for
him.  I wanted to get a good look at him.  He was kind of hard to find,
actually, because I'd gotten so good at ignoring him.  After a while, I found
him, prowling around through a dumpster.   He hadn't shaved in a while, his
chin covered with stubble,  starting to turn grey, and his clothes were pretty
shabby and grubby.  I guess it's a little hard to get your clothes dry-cleaned
when you live in the street.   

His eyes were blue.  Bright, piercing, and most of all, alive.  The eyes,
I think were what did it.   He wasn't just some extra, hired on for 
minimum wage to populate the edges of the movie that plays in my brain,
he wasn't a decoration to add realism to the setting.   He was a man,
a person, who didn't have a place to live, and who didn't always have
enough to eat, didn't have warm clothes or even a decent pair of shoes.

The comedic part started to protest that he was probably a drunk and
deserved to be where he was.  The rational part, at the urging of the
sentimental part of me, raised the baseball bat.  The comedic part took
off for a while.

For years, Christmas to me has been about friends and family, the warmth
of a Christmas morning, followed by a big Christmas dinner.  Sitting back
on the couch, reminiscing about Christmas Past and hoping everyone enjoyed
the gifts I'd given.  It was about carols, and egg nog, and misteltoe....

This year, Christmas, to me, seems to be about the Homeless Guy.  And it's
probably not lost on that part of my mind that went to Catechism all those
years ago, that the baby Jesus didn't have a little Sealy Posturpedic to cool 
His Jets on after He was born, but was put into some hay in a manger in 
a stable.  When you stop and think of it, a stable isn't all that different
from a dumpster -- they both smell pretty bad. In a sense then, 
Jesus was a Homeless Guy too.

Over this past year, I've done a lot more than I ever have before to help
people like the Homeless Guy.  I've donated the canned goods to the Food
Bank box at the supermarket, and I've put those unused clothes and old
running shoes into the Salvation Army box.  I'm part of an organization
that makes a practice of donating the leftover food from our parties to
the homeless shelter nearby.   But still I keep seeing the Homeless Guy.

So, maybe this Christmas morning I'll get up, and head into Hartford,
and find a soup kitchen.  Maybe I'll knock on the door and say
"I want to help".   Maybe after I've served some food, or just
washed some dishes, I'll let the comedic part loose a little, and
maybe the comedic part can help some Homeless Guy, laugh a bit, and 
feel some Christmas.  Maybe it can make a little difference.  Little
differences are all we can make sometimes.


So I guess I don't really have a Christmas Essay for you this year.  It
doesn't rhyme, and it doesn't parody anything, there's no Santa Claus,
no Rudolph, and the Baby Jesus only had a bit part. It's just a little story
about a Homeless Guy in my head, which along with $3.50 will buy you 
a lunch in the cafeteria.  Or will buy some Homeless Guy a meal.


Merry Christmas everyone.
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
DateLines
151.1RHETT::KNORRCarolina BlueMon Dec 20 1993 19:305
    Yo, 1Way, ever considered seeking some help for that multiple
    personality problem U got?  It worries me.
    
    
    - ACC Chris
151.2What book did that come from?SWAM2::MASSEY_VIFinally, they come home.Mon Dec 20 1993 20:245
    Leave it to ACC Chris to make a joke about a wonderful story that 'Saw
    so carefully copied into our humble little NOTES file.
    
    
    Gin
151.3METSNY::francusMets in '94Mon Dec 20 1993 21:563
hey Gin stop gettin' all sentimental on us.

The Crazy Met
151.4WMOIS::CHAPALONIS_MNumber 3 Looms over FenwayTue Dec 21 1993 10:197
    
    
           He just didn't like the story because Dean has that Homeless
    look about him.
    
    
    Chappy
151.5bah pumbug.SWAM2::MASSEY_VIFinally, they come home.Tue Dec 21 1993 15:027
    Okay.  I'll stop.
    
    I just wanted to know where and what book 'Saw copied that from.  The
    writing style seems very familiar.  Kinda like one of them detective
    books where they narate.
    
    Gin
151.6CAMONE::WAYYou can't polish a turdTue Dec 21 1993 15:369
>    I just wanted to know where and what book 'Saw copied that from.  The
>    writing style seems very familiar.  Kinda like one of them detective
>    books where they narate.
    

Nah, that was original.

Just using a little different style....

151.7still confusedSWAM2::MASSEY_VIFinally, they come home.Tue Dec 21 1993 19:203
    if you say so
    
    
151.8I've got vacation attitude!!QUASER::JACKSONTABabe HockeyTue Dec 21 1993 21:0511
       I'm outta here until the 3rd!!!
    
      I want too wish everyone a safe and HAPPY HOLIDAYS for you and your
    families/loved ones!!
    
      I will be sleeping and driving across KAN-SAS tommorow during the
    snow storm -(  on my way to Mizzory.....
    
      Tim Jackson
    
     
151.9CSOA1::JACOBWed Dec 22 1993 01:1510
    
    >>  I will be sleeping and driving across KAN-SAS tommorow during the
    >>snow storm -(  on my way to Mizzory.....
    
    Sleeping AND driving??????  At the same time???????
    
    Glad I'm not going to be on the roads.
    
    JaKe
    
151.10Hey Brew's and Mike lock up the Chickens the Riggen's are headed to Phoenix ?OURGNG::RIGGENSales gets commisions we get "JACK"Wed Dec 22 1993 13:597
I'll be headed to Phoenix for the Holidays. Have you guys been to Rocky Point 
in the gulf of California ?

Jeff

Merry Christmas to all and even the Brown's fans. 

151.12PTOVAX::JACOBMcJackson's now available at McDonald'sWed Dec 22 1993 18:5417
    
    Well, I'm outta here at midnight twonite until Jan 3rd.
    
    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to alla younzes, and be careful in
    the hottub.
    
    And, as I dew every year, I'll ask ya not to drink and drive over New
    Year's, but if ya must, drink from pints instead of fifths, cause ya
    cain turn a pint sideways and take a swig from it whilst driving and
    still see the road.
    
    
    HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    
    Santa_JaKe
    
151.13SWAM2::MASSEY_VIFinally, they come home.Wed Dec 22 1993 21:249
    Have a good one JaKe!!
    
    
    And everyone else too.
    
    I, for one, will be here on Thursday, Sunday and Monday.
    
    
    Gin
151.14CAM3::WAYYou can't polish a turdThu Dec 23 1993 11:4810
>    I, for one, will be here on Thursday, Sunday and Monday.
    
Happy Christmas, Virginia (and yes, there is a Santa Claus).....

After today, I won't be back till January 3rd......but not because
Scrooge Palmer asked me to....8^)



'Saw
151.15GENRAL::WADEThu Dec 23 1993 12:576
    
    	I'll be helping the corporation out next week as well.
    
    	Be safe, be happy, and eat way too much everybody!
    
    Claybone
151.16OLD1S::SYSTEMThu Dec 23 1993 13:009
	Here's another!  I'm out of here today for the rest of the year.
 Got to get ready for a little Ice fishing and anti-freeze.

  Merry Christmas to all and have a Happy hang-over in the new year.


 Cadzilla2       Gig'em Aggies  thump the Irish 

151.17Happy holidays, and don't buy the kids any Barbies!!!CTHQ::MCCULLOUGHI still hate Barbie dolls!!!!Thu Dec 23 1993 13:377
Uh, don't tell anyone, but I'm out of here just after the first tumbleweed goes
by. 

Merry Christmas to all, and I promise to hold down the fort in ::SPROTS nexted 
week.

=Bob=
151.18METSNY::francusMets in '94Thu Dec 23 1993 13:485
=Bob=

I'll help out nexted week. Will be here Tuesday and Wednesday.

The Crazy Met
151.19USCTR1::KINGThu Dec 23 1993 14:033
    I'll be out until Jan3... BUT I have a nice terminal at home...
    
    REK
151.20From JD -- Merry Christmas to all!CAMONE::WAYYou can't polish a turdThu Dec 23 1993 14:5184
From:	US1RMC::"devlin@xyvision.com" 23-DEC-1993 11:18:45.57
To:	cam::way
CC:	
Subj:	A Christmas Song...

Saw -

If you get a chance, cain you post this in Sports?  My
gift to you all ;-)

JD

(I think you all know the tune...)

On the first day of Christmas Sports gave to me
A_one-dimensional James Worthy

On the second day of Christmas Sports gave to me
Two Snuffy Chokes and a_one-dimensional James Worthy

On the third day of Christmas Sports gave to me
Three Fixed Contests, two snuffy chokes and a_one-dimensional James Worthy

On the forth day of Christmas Sports gave to me
Four Scalp Massages, three fixed contests, two snuffy chokes
and a_one-dimensional James Worthy

On the fifth day of Christmas Sports gave to me
FIVE GO WHALES, Four Scalp Massages, three fixed contests,
two snuffy chokes and a_one-dimensional James Worthy

On the sixth day of Christmas Sports gave to me
Six Broncofans a Braying, FIVE GO WHALES...four Scalp Massages, three
fixed contests, two snuffy chokes and a_one-dimensional James Worthy

On the Seventh day of Christmas Sports gave to me
Seven 'vanes a spinning, six broncofans a braying, FIVE GO WHALES, four
Scalp Massages, Three fixed contests, two snuffy chokes and
a_one-dimensional James Worthy

On the Eighth day of Christmas Sports gave to me
Eight Russell's wilting, Seven vanes a spinning, six broncofans a
braying, FIVE GO WHALES, four Scalp Massages, three fixed contests, two
Snuffy chokes, and a_one-dimensional James Worthy

On the Ninth day of Christmas Sports gave to me
Nine Matts a Mooching, Eight Russells a Wilting, Seven vanes a
spinning, six broncofans a braying, FIVE GO WHALES, four Scalp
Massages, Three fixed contests, Two Snuffy Chokes, and
a_one-dimensional James Worthy

On the Tenth Day of Christmas Sports gave to me
Ten Broons a Gooning, Nine Matts a Mooching, Eight Russells Wilting,
Seven Vanes a Spinning, Six Broncofans a Braying, FIVE GO WHALES, Four
Scalp Massages, Three fixed contests, Two Snuffy Chokes, and
a_one-dimensional James Worthy

On the Eleventh Day of Christmas Sports gave to me
Eleven DocMidnight Teams a folding, Ten Broons a Gooning, Nine Matts a
Mooching, Eight Russells Wilting, Seven Vanes a Spinning, Six
Broncofans a Braying, FIVE GO WHALES, Four Scalp Massages, Three fixed
contests, Two SNuffy Chokes, and a_one dimensional James Worthy

On the Twelfth day of Christmas Sports gave to me
Twelve RCASOS rambling, Eleven DocMidNight Teams a folding, Ten
Broons a gooning, NIne Matts a Mooching, Eight Russell's a Wilting,
Seven Vanes a spinning, Six Broncofans a Braying, FIVE GO WHALES,
Four Scalp Massages, Three fixed contests, Two Snuffy Chokes, and
a_one-dimensional James Worthy....

(jd 1993)

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% To: cam::way
% Subject: A Christmas Song...
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% X-Mts: smtp
151.21GWEN::ASHEI've got the kevorkaThu Dec 23 1993 15:015
    Have a good one everyone...
    
    
    Hope you get some r&r 'Gin.
    
151.22METSNY::francusMets in '94Thu Dec 23 1993 15:035
re: r&r

I prefer JaKe's term.

The Crazy Met
151.23SWAM2::MASSEY_VIFinally, they come home.Thu Dec 23 1993 15:587
    Yeah yeah yeah, you all go off and have a good holiday. 
    
    I am being taken to lunch on Monday by my Greatful boss.  Seems I will
    actually be doing something usefull on Monday.
    
    
    Gin
151.24MSBCS::BRYDIEI need somebody to shove!Thu Dec 23 1993 16:064
  Too bad JD isn't here so I could tell him that the only thing more hackneyed
 than Twas The Night Before Christmas parodies is The Twelve Days Of Christmas
 parodies. What an incredibly unoriginal idea.
151.25CAMONE::WAYYou can't polish a turdThu Dec 23 1993 16:449
>    I am being taken to lunch on Monday by my Greatful boss.  Seems I will
>    actually be doing something usefull on Monday.
    
The PaulMeister?

Cool.   Have a couple for me, eh?


'Saw
151.26CAMONE::WAYYou can't polish a turdThu Dec 23 1993 16:4511
>  Too bad JD isn't here so I could tell him that the only thing more hackneyed
> than Twas The Night Before Christmas parodies is The Twelve Days Of Christmas
> parodies. What an incredibly unoriginal idea.


Yeah, but it made people smile....   sometimes that's more important than
originality or making them think deep thoughts....


'Saw

151.27Where is RCASO when we need him?TNPUBS::NAZZAROGentleness overcomes strengthThu Dec 23 1993 16:453
    Well, I for one liked it!  Especially the 11th and 12th days!
    
    NAZZ
151.28CSC32::GAULKEThu Dec 23 1993 17:1513
    re .24
    
    >>  Too bad JD isn't here so I could tell him that the only thing more
    >> hackneyed than Twas The Night Before Christmas parodies is 
    >> The Twelve Days Of Christmas
    >> parodies. What an incredibly unoriginal idea.
    
      Oh, but you can. He's left his address. Why not just send him
    mail via the inet...
    
      Or were you just bluffing?
    
    
151.29METSNY::francusMets in '94Thu Dec 23 1993 17:175
devlin@xyvision.com

HtH,

The Crazy Met
151.31CTHQ::LEARYCorporate Telecom Technology SolutionsThu Dec 23 1993 17:4010
    Ho Ho Ho
    
    Merry XMas, Happy belated Chanukah, Happy New Year, and hope y'all
    come in second place for Mass Millions on Friday.
    
    MikeL
    
    And go Irish, collectivize dem Aggies!
    
    
151.32METSNY::francusMets in '94Thu Dec 23 1993 18:106
> and hope y'all come in second place for Mass Millions on Friday.

Ah Mikey, where is your Holiday spirit? there is
plenty enough to split a few ways.

The Crazy Met
151.33PTOVAX::JACOBThu Dec 23 1993 22:466
    Is it just me, or does anybody else, thru his upbeat notes, feel that
    Tommy was dropped on his haid as a infant???
    
    
    JaKe
    
151.34Nah JaKe, mebbe tossed 8^)CTHQ::LEARYCorporate Telecom Technology SolutionsFri Dec 24 1993 00:151
    
151.35USCTR1::KINGSat Dec 25 1993 02:129
    Well, its after 11:00 here in Lunenburg. Santa has just finished making
    his stop her... The Jessinator will have a nice Christmas this year.
    The wife is sleeping along with the cat... I'm about ready to fill
    the woodstove for the long winter night... I hope everyone has/will
    have a nice Christmas this year...
    
    Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night...
    
    REK
151.36nahSWAM2::MASSEY_VIFinally, they come home.Tue Dec 28 1993 14:319
    'Saw,
    
    It twasen't Paul.  He wouldn't know something productive if it walked
    up and dropped a load on his pants.
    
    It was HP.  We had a good lunch and it looks like I wont be leaving in
    April as I had feared.  I wont be doing what I thought either.
    
    Gin
151.37Hi Gin!MKFSA::LONGI know a survivor!Tue Dec 28 1993 14:407
>>>We had a good lunch and it looks like I wont be leaving in April 
>>>as I had feared.

	Yippeeee!  Good for you!


	billl
151.38I think soSWAM2::MASSEY_VIFinally, they come home.Tue Dec 28 1993 17:197
    Thanks billl!
    
    I think so.  I will take a cut in hours which means the paycheck will
    be missing that bit of overtime.  I will be working Second shift which
    means more daylight time with the kidster.
    
    Gin
151.39METSNY::francusMets in '94Wed Dec 29 1993 19:018
re: .35

I hope the Jessinator gets to see a baseball game in 1994.


A Happy and SAFE New Years to all.

The Crazy Met
151.40USCTR1::KINGWed Dec 29 1993 23:103
    The Jessintor had a very good Xmas... Loopin Louie game is a riot!!!!
    
    REK
151.41CSTEAM::FARLEYThu Dec 30 1993 18:147
    
    
    Yabbut did I mention that Carol got me 3 electric socks?
    
    ;^)
    
    
151.42Those things stay warm by themselves.CSC32::GAULKEThu Dec 30 1993 18:4311
    
    
    >> Yabbut did I mention that Carol got me 3 electric socks?
    
    
      Yeah, as well as two nine volt batteries and 1 AAA 0.5 volt.
    
    
    &^>
    
    
151.43(8^)*PTOVAX::JACOBFri Dec 31 1993 14:028
    
    >>Yabbut did I mention that Carol got me 3 electric socks?
    
    Either somebody cain't count, or there's sumthin about ya Kev that we
    don't know!!!
    
    JaKe
    
151.44CAM3::WAYYou can't polish a turdMon Jan 03 1994 11:2927
To Tommy, from JD, somewhat belated since I was on VC lasted week:




From:	US1RMC::"devlin@xyvision.com" 27-DEC-1993 08:14:12.72
To:	msbcs::brydie, cam::way
CC:	
Subj:	RE:  Tommy's parting shot



Tommy -

Hey, Happy Holdiays to you too.   Don't worry, I loathe
12 days and Twas night parodies, along with ego-gratifying
IMO and I was just thinking pieces.  As always, I sleep
better knowing that you, the Lord Gawd of correctness,
originality, and the keeper of the flame for all those
born and raised in sad little podunk villages is ever 
vigilant on the e-net.

Have a great holiday.

Love,

JD
151.45CAM3::WAYYou can't polish a turdMon Jan 03 1994 11:308
re Gin,

Well, congrats.  No flies on you, as Hawk would say.

Second shift sucks, but hey, if it works for you, good going.....


'Saw
151.46Like the p-name?SWAM2::MASSEY_VILube it, sit on it, rub it!Mon Jan 03 1994 14:235
    Thanks 'Saw.
    
    How was the vacation?
    
    Gin
151.47CAMONE::WAYYou can't polish a turdMon Jan 03 1994 14:3719
>      <<< Note 151.46 by SWAM2::MASSEY_VI "Lube it, sit on it, rub it!" >>>
>                             -< Like the p-name? >-

Reminds me of my motorcycle....


>    How was the vacation?

Great, but it was really cold.  So my brother decides to move on the 
coldest day of the year.  Well, he had decided several weeks earlier, but
it just so happened that it was the coldest day I could remember in a couple
of years.

Other than that, didn't do a whole helluva lot.....which is JUST what the
doctor ordered....


'Saw

151.48QUASER::JACKSONTABabe HockeyMon Jan 03 1994 16:347
      re -.09
    
      Of course sleaping and driving in KAN-SAS.  It's obvious you have
    never driven from east-west (vise versa) through that boring rolling
    hill state.....  All truck stops sell no-dose...
    
      Tim