Conference hbahba::cam_sports

Hey Jake why the P-name ?

Don't leave out any details on the 24-3 drubbing.

    I had a little wager with Big'N'Lame on the outcome of the
    STEELERS-Baffle-O debacle, and lost due to the fack that everytime the
    STEELERS seemed to be getting into scoring areas, they fell flat on
    their face and either turned the ball over or O'Donnell got
    sacked('cept fer their firsted drive whence Sir Gary Anderson hit a
    field goal fer the only STEELER points of the game).
    
    Twas a game I'd like to fergit FAST!!
    
    JaKe
    

    JaKe,
    
    I have a question.  You know when you get a gob of gunk in the corner
    of yer eye, and you pick it out, and roll it between yer fingers, it
    disappears.  Where does it go?  Is there somewhere in the world where
    it all collects?  Or, does it just get absorbed into your skin?
    
    I needs to know!
    
    Pete

    Why do we need 2 junk notes?
    
    Mark.

    
    >>I have a question.  You know when you get a gob of gunk in the corner
    >>of yer eye, and you pick it out, and roll it between yer fingers, it
    >>disappears.  Where does it go?  Is there somewhere in the world where
    >>it all collects?  Or, does it just get absorbed into your skin?
    
    Somewhere in Cleveland, there is a house where, after this gunk has
    dissappeared from your hands, it miraculously appears.  The owner of
    this palce also owns a restaurant which is known, by Cleveland
    residents, for it's "unique" mashed potatoes.
    
    JaKe
    

    
    >>     <<< Note 47.4 by GIAMEM::LEFEBVRE "PCG Product Management" >>>

    >>Why do we need 2 junk notes?
    
    >>Mark.

    
    Why do we need Mark.????
    
    JaKe
    

    
    >>        <<< Note 47.6 by OURGNG::RIGGEN "Will Note for food" >>>
    >>       -< Why did the Pittsburgh Pirates choke this last year ? >-
    
    C'mon, it's 1993, do ya gotta rub that in some more??? The team is
    nothing more than a shadow of waht it was lasted year and the best I
    cain hope fer is 4th place this year, unless Leyland has some magic
    left in his hat.
    
    (8^(*
    
    JaKe
    

    What happened to the Steelers Sunday?  (smiley goes here)...
    

    Two words describe what happened to the STEELERS:
    
    
    
    THEY SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    JaKe
    

    Thanks for the orignality Mike...

    Jake, love that p-name.
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    Question for ya Jake:  Is Yogi Berra trying to be funny when he says
    those things or does he have trouble speaking English ?
    
    I seriously do not know the answer, and would like some insights from
    Jake and the rest of you.
    
    John "D Cowboys" R.

>    Question for ya Jake:  Is Yogi Berra trying to be funny when he says
>    those things or does he have trouble speaking English ?
    
It's not so much trouble with english, as kind of not having the 
entire cliche down pat.

There was a column in the old SPORTS file called Colemanballs or
something like that, and if you get VOGON news they are occasionally
in there.  They are similar, mostly taken from BBC commentators who
say things like what Yogi said...

If I can find some, I'll post them, and you'll see what I mean....

'Saw

Saw -

I don't think you should say "Colemanballs" in this rendition of SPORTS.
I know yer a mod, but cain you please use the term:

  "Colemanfilberts"

from now on.

Thank You.

JD

>I don't think you should say "Colemanballs" in this rendition of SPORTS.
>I know yer a mod, but cain you please use the term:
>
>  "Colemanfilberts"
>
>from now on.


I would, excepting that Colemanballs is similar to a product name, or 
a title.   I mean, you wouldn't say "Oh, I have to buy some golf filberts
before I can hit the links this afternoon".   No, you'd say "I have
to buy some golf balls".

It's the same with Colemanballs.   "I say, dear Chap, does Privite Eye
magazine have the latest column of Colemanballs?"


hth,
quite,
'Saw

    
    >>Question for ya Jake:  Is Yogi Berra trying to be funny when he says
    >>those things or does he have trouble speaking English ?
    
    Besides having the IQ of a green grape, Yogi suffers form Clich-lexia,
    a form of dyslexia that makes the sufferer mix up and totally foul up
    cliches.
    
    JaKe
    

    
     Yogi denies making most of the quotes attributed to him.

    Speaking of Yogi, did anyone see the episode of Basketball's Funniest
    Practical Jokes where they had the professional double talker with
    Stacy King and Bill Cartwright?  Funny thing is that Yogi sounds like
    him without trying.

    It should Be.. "Yogi has denied the quotes spoken by him... "
    
    REK

    
    Well it is Monday, a day I am sure MtM has been looking forward to; his
    notes certainly seem to indicate that. 
    
    Anyways JaKe I have a question I hope you can help with.
    
    Over the weekend I overheard a discussion on the A topic. My question
    for you is:
    
    
    In your opinion who really Assasinated JFK?
    
    Thank you in advance for your insight into thus matter
    
    The Crazy Met
    

WHOOOP  WHOOOP  WHOOP  TROUBLEMAKER ALERT  WHOOOP WHOOOP WHOOOP

    TCM,
    
    I'm in the process of launching a full scale investigation as I type
    this, I'll get back to ya with the finding as soon as I get them.
    
    JaKe
    

    TCM,
    
    I ain't forgot about ya.  It's just that exhuming a body by the cover
    of night takes time.  
    
    The investigation is nearing it's end.
    
    JaKe
    

    How much different would the respecive groups be if Peter Garrett led
    REM and Michael Stipe led Midnight Oil?

JaKe,

have you exhumed the body yet??

The Crazy Met

    Yeah, TCM, and it sure did stink.  Toxicology reports are due in soon,
    plus my investigators are in Florida following up on a lead that, if
    true, could shock the entertainment industry.
    
    JaKe
    

    JaKe I appreciate your need to be thorough but 2 weeks is a dogone
    awful long time to wait for a toxicology report.
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    >>           <<< Note 47.33 by ACESMK::FRANCUS "Mets in '93" >>>

    >>JaKe I appreciate your need to be thorough but 2 weeks is a dogone
    >>awful long time to wait for a toxicology report.
    
    >>The Crazy Met
    
    Well, the reports are in, but we been studying and perusing the use of
    backwards masking on Elvis' tunes and the possibility of them
    containing info relevant to the shooting.  Plus, we've heard there may
    be a link between those, and newly released Nirvana garbage.
    
    We did find that Kennedy's`lasted meal tastes horrible now, though.
    
    JaKe
    

    thanks for the update JaKe. Carry on with the important work you are
    doing.
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    How come you can't order Sweet and Sour Beef at a Chinese Restaurant?

    I think you should market that one, Walt.

    >><<< Note 47.36 by ROYALT::ASHE "Det. Teamsters:92-93 DEChoop champs" >>>

    >>How come you can't order Sweet and Sour Beef at a Chinese Restaurant?
    
    Cause they don't have sweet cows in China.
    
    JaKe
    

    TCM,
    
    It HAS come to the attention of those working on getting an answer to
    your question that 
    
    The Butler may have done it.
    
    
    JaKe
    

    Dear Jake,
    
    We have heard a lot of talk about Dana Smith's coaching ability at UNC.
    If he is such a good BB coach why has the NBA ignored his tremendous
    talents ?  Are NBA teams missing out on something ?
    
    Just wondering,
    
    John "D Cowboys" R.

    re-.1
    
    It's his ability to choke on the smallest sliver of chicken bone when
    the title's on the line.
    
    JaKe
    
    

    If there's a George Strait singing country, is there a counterpart to
    him?  Not Doc Rivers either...
    

Jake,

Help me out will ya...

This dope asked me to name a song that's been going through his 
head and I'm stuck. To make it worse, I can't get the freakin 
thing outta my skull now.

Lines that I know of:

"When I was young,
and out on my own,
I hadn't a care..

blah blah blah

"Then one day you came into my life,
it was just like living a dream,
and oooo, I want you...

Title and artist.

Input accepted from any Jake_wannbees....

daryll

    
    Daryll,
    
    Yabbut there aint nobody here who'z a JaKe_Wannabee so you ain't gonna
    get no answers!  Try the ::Music notesfile. (Ah'll let MtM get the node
    for you).
    
    You could change your request so DontWannabelike_JaKe's could answer
    ya here though.
    
    I remain,
    glad you didn't sing that song here!
    Kev
    

>                <<< CAM::$1$DUA5:[NOTES$LIBRARY]SPORTS.NOTE;1 >>>
>                                  -< SPORTS >-
>================================================================================
>Note 27.1550               Honorary Mike JN Junk Note               1550 of 1550
>FRETZ::HEISER "raise your voice in shouts of joy"     4 lines  26-MAY-1993 14:49
>                            -< balls in your court >-
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>    Heiser _is_ a musical elitist, still don't mean he knows sh#t, just means
>>    he thinks he does.
    
>    Brews, prove that I don't, if you're main enough.
    
    I think everyone will agree that this is the only appropriate way to
    decide the issue.  Oh, eminent one, what is your answer?
    
    respectively submitted,
    
    brews

    
    but I want someone unbiased.  8^)
    
    brews

    like I said in 27.*, 'Saw, JD, Jake, Hawk, and MrT have all heard one
    of my demo tapes.

    
    >>decide the issue.  Oh, eminent one, what is your answer?
    
    Uh, I'd say this Heiser guy, whoever he is, is a musical elitist and
    only thinks he knows what he's talking about.
    
    Sheesh, anybody who doesn't think Air Supply is GAWD fits in to that
    description, ya know.
    
    (8^)*
    
    
    JaKe
    

>    Sheesh, anybody who doesn't think Axx Sxxxxx is GAWD fits in to that
    
    BBRRrrrrrrrrr!  NEVER MENTION THOSE 2 WORDS IN HERE AGAIN!

**ANSWER AT BOTTOM**
    
>>This dope asked me to name a song that's been going through his 
>>head and I'm stuck. To make it worse, I can't get the freakin 
>>thing outta my skull now.

>>Lines that I know of:

>>"When I was young,
>>and out on my own,
>>I hadn't a care..
    
    The song is "I Need You", by The CLimax Blues Band, circa 1980.
    
    Schnorttt Schittt Schleppps
    
    JaKe
    

    
    Jak has spoken.  Sorry Mike, you lose.
    
    brews

    
    >>BBRRrrrrrrrrr!  NEVER MENTION THOSE 2 WORDS IN HERE AGAIN!
    
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
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    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply  Air Supply
    
    
    
    JaKe
    

>    Jak has spoken.  Sorry Mike, you lose.
    
    Brews, read 27.1539.

    Hey Jake!  You're Rush Limbaugh's #1 FAN!

    
    Sorry, Mike, 'saws opinion doesn't matter.  Regardless, he said you
    were an accomplished guitarist, didn't say you knew what you were
    talking about.  8^)
    
    brews

    
    Hey Mike, I figgered out what ya did right away, and just did a "reply"
    , set into that buffer, and didn't have to feed thru yer ~77 form
    feeds.
    
    JaKe
    

    >> <<< Note 47.58 by FRETZ::HEISER "raise your voice in shouts of joy" >>>
    >>                  -< Jake, you golldang technowienie >-
    
    In your words, Mike "Air Supply Lover" Heiser.
    
    
    JaKe
    

>    Sorry, Mike, 'saws opinion doesn't matter.  Regardless, he said you
>    were an accomplished guitarist, didn't say you knew what you were
>    talking about.  8^)
    
    Brews, what kind of music do you like?  I'll surprise you in the next week
    or so with something.

    Ya know, there are conferences on the net where replies containing the
    words Axx Sxxxxx are set hidden by the mods.  I think we should adopt
    that policy.

>    Brews, what kind of music do you like?  I'll surprise you in the next week
>    or so with something.
    
    Mike, as nearly everyone knows, I'm a BIG Air Supply fan.  So, bring over
    your surprise.  Shouldn't you guys be moving over here soon, anyway? 
    Aren't they closing your building?  Did you every find our library?
    
    brews 

>    your surprise.  Shouldn't you guys be moving over here soon, anyway? 
>    Aren't they closing your building?  Did you every find our library?
    
    We move out to a leased building on Labor Day weekend.  I haven't
    attempted to find the library yet.  I may not need to since what I was
    looking for arrived on my manager's desk the other day.

    where are you moving to?  we haven't heard about us yet?

    our building is on Hardy south of Broadway.  It's tough to find leased
    space with a decent sized raised-floor computer room and backup
    generator.

    
    yuck, ldon't like that area.  Rumor is we're looking at IBM's old
    buikding on Camelback.  It's closer to home for me.
    
    

    it also better suits you velour lovin' yuppies.

    
    and I won't be able to take you to lunch in my Volvo.  At least it
    keeps us away from the riffraff.

    I bet Bruce's neighbor loves Air Supply...

    
    Walt, we are having a pool built (as we note).  Her f-i-l wanted us to
    put in the pool, so they could use it.  Obviously, I was all for the
    idea, but my wife wasn't.  Anyway, we will have a poolwarming party
    soon, and of all the noters in here, due to you deep interest in the
    subject, I think I'll invite you as the first sports.noter.
         
    BTW- when my wife sees her around the neighborhood, she says she's not
    very friendly.  I told her I disagreed.
    
    brews

    you better change your tune about Axx Sxxxxx or I'll tell your wife
    about your "friend."

    Well, I know this guy who might be interested, can I send him instead?
    I'm just looking out for him.  He's name is Frank...
    
    

    Does he like Air Supply, or Sousa marches?  He'll need a navigator,
    though.
    
    brews
    

    I think he likes Sousa, but I'm not sure...

    re Heiser and brews BS'ing,
    
    DTN::PHONECALL
    
    
    JaKe
    

    Jake, I tried that but it said "file not found"

    oh, excuse meeee for filling this important note with junk notes.  I'll 
    try to follow your example, from now on. ~\~

    Glad ya see it that way, brews.
    
    
    (8^)*
    
    JaKe
    

"Making Love Outta Nothing At All"

"I'm All Outta Love"


Those are the two Air Supply titles I remember.



"Reminiscing"

"Lady"


Those are the two Little River Band titles I can remember.




"Semper Fidelis"
"Nobles of the Mystic Shrine"
"The Gridiron Club"
"The Washington Post"

Those are my current Sousa favorites...


"Washington Grays"  by C. Grafulla is probably the hardest march I ever
had to play.  



If that fails to dazzle Brews' neighbor, perhaps I can charm her with
my stupid tongue tricks.....   (If she REALLY wants to be dazzled, I can
show her a few tricks I learned at a rugby drinkup.  Substitute the word
tongue with a word that rhymes with one of the other words, and you'll
know what I mean.....)


'Saw

    Ah yes...
    

    
    Saw,  I know what you mean about Washington Grays.  I played first
    trumpet in the Northeastern University band last year (well the second
    first trumpet 8^) and they needed someone to play 4th.  Reluctantly I
    agreed.  The 4th was tougher than most of the pieces I'd played before.
    
    Marc
    

Being primarily a keyboard player throughout my years of school, I played
trumpet mostly for fun.

I went to music camp two summer in HS (Jr, Sr year) then two summers in
college as a counselor.  In my third year, I actually sat second chair.
Well, you guessed it, we played Washington Grays.  Those runs in there were
totally hellacious, and I couldn't play all of them.

Fortunately, the girl playing first chair was as good on the trumpet as I
was on keyboards -- it was definitely her major instrument and she was
very accomplished, so she's banging out these runs, and I'm just picking out
every other note.

That worked great until she got sick on Wednesday night and was medivaced for
appendicitis!

So, I'm sitting first chair, and although the conductor was a cool guy, he
spent about 90 minutes of one rehearsal jumping all over me about that run.

Finally, I lost my cool, stood up, said "F*** this, and f*** you, I don't
need this sh*t" and walked out of the rehearsal.  You could have heard a pin
drop.

Fortunately, the girl sitting first chair was back for the concert, but by
then I could play those runs.   Did A LOT of woodshedding on those damn
runs, and to this day I'm still kind of proud of that.....


So, these days I love to listen to Washington Grays, but wouldn't want to
play it.  I wonder what the baritone part is like.....8^)


'Saw

    
    
      Take it to SOUSA::BAND_NERDS.

Do me, as Marky Mark would say. 8^)

Bands are a great American tradition, and with the Patriotic holidays
coming up, folks should remember that.....

Band music might not be as hoity-toity as some orchestra music, but it's
good stuff nonetheless....


Tommy must be a Pool player.....


'Saw

>Tommy must be a Pool player.....


>'Saw


  Just pocket pool....

    
    re .86
    
    Now you done gone and hurt my feelings. Just when the emotional
    scars from TCM's abuse have started to heal you gone and opened
    up a fresh wound.

It was an opening too good to pass up...


Metz

    Tommy is such a connoisseur of fine music that his band nerd comment was
    surprising.

    Shouldn't that be love Shaq?

Well, I want it known that I was not intending any harm to Tommy.

I was making a vague reference to the crux of the plot of the Music Man,
wherein the con-man Professor Harold Hill gets the parents of River City IA
to consider buying band instruments for their children by rousing their
ire over the presence of a pool table in their community.

Trouble, with a capital "T" and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for
Pool!


8^)


'Saw

    
     I knew that.

    Metz, thanks for helping out; wouldn't want Tommy to get too
    complacent.
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    
>>         <<< Note 47.86 by DECWET::METZGER "Imagine your logo here." >>>

>>>Tommy must be a Pool player.....


>>>'Saw


>>  Just pocket pool....

    Where there's never a winner, cause the "referee" always gets sick and
    "throws up".
    
    
    JaKe
    


    

Don't worry, we all really love you Tommy...

    re: .95
    
    Hey =Bob= speak for yourself!! :-)
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    If anyone read a note I just put it, PLEASE ignore it... I was kidding,
    I shouldn't have put it in and had no intention of anyone else reading
    it....

    TCM, finally my investigation was over.  I assembled all of the
    evidence, came to the conclusions on who did it, wrote up the report to
    put in here, then the knock at the door.  This CIa dude walks in, black
    magic marker in hand, looks at the report I typed up, slashes out
    everything that could be harmful to National Security(Oxymoron there,
    eh?), and says go ahead and put the rest in here.  So, here's what he
    left me keep in:
    
    
    JFK                                        and                   I
                      so
    
    
    
                       and the                                Dallas
    
    
    
    
    
    Oswald                                             porno theatre
    
    
    
    
    				Mickey Mouse
    
    
    Psychiatrist				"I didn't say Minnie was
    crazy, I said she was f__king Goofy!!"                       
    
    
    
                        and
    
    
    
      the                                       burlap bag, tube of K-Y
    Jelly, and a Monkey                                   
    
    
    
    Bang Bang                                                                  
    
    
    
    
    
                              and the                               LBJ
    
    
    
    
    
    
    "Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"
    
    
    
    
    
    
    					Marilyn Monroe
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    			Deputy Dawg
    
    
    
    
    
    
    The butler did it.
    
    
    
    
    
    Sorry
    
    JaKe
    
    

    Jake, I have a question(s) for you.
    
    If there were a pro basketball team in Pittsburg would you be a
    fan(atic) of theirs??
    
    Does Micheal JoRdEn Palm, walk with the ball or is it just an
    illusion??
    
    Ben

        
        *S*N*A*R*F*

    
    >>If there were a pro basketball team in Pittsburg would you be a
    >>fan(atic) of theirs??
    
    I truly don't know.  Backsketball never really interested me at all. 
    Duno, maybe because I'm only just under 5'8" and wasn't worth a damn at
    it, or maybe not.  I doubt it that I'd go whole hog over them, though.
    
    >>Does Micheal JoRdEn Palm, walk with the ball or is it just an
    >>illusion??
    
    I think nowadays, travelling is only called if it's a distance greater
    than the New York-Washington D.C train ride, anything shorter than that
    is overlooked.  Hell, that's what I cain't understand, used to be ya
    took more than a step and ya was called, nowadays, they take waht
    appears to me to be 2-1/2 to three steps and nothin is called.  Another
    gripe of mine is that Backsketball is *SUPPOSED* to be a non-contact
    sport.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, there's more contact in the average
    backsketball game than the whole New England Patriot's offensive line
    sees in a whole season.
    
    Another gripe of mine is the "three-pointer".  If baseball did what
    Backsketball did when they instituted the three pointer, they'd add
    another wall behind the first outfield wall, and call anything over
    that a double homer, meaning the batter's run was worth two, or in the
    case of football, anything in excess of a 50 yard TD play would be
    worth 9 points, instead of 6.
    
    IMNSHO, backsketball sucks.
    
    JaKe
    

    Yep, they need to change just a couple of things to make it more
    interesting. 
    
    They should make the basket ball bigger so that they can't palm
    (able to hold on to it even if it is facing down)it on the dribble.
    
    
    Raise the basket another foot(at least) so that only a few could
    actually dunk. They would have to learn how to lay it up.
    
    Leave the three point shot but only from beyond the halfcourt line.
    No timeouts in the last two minutes :-)
    

    I agree with ya Ben.
    
    Get rid of the present size of backsketball, use a medicine ball
    instead.  Raise the basket to 22 feet, make the court about 50 yards
    long, and 35 yards wide, allow blocking of defenders, knives are
    optional, bullet-proof vests are mandatory, guns allowed, nothing
    bigger than a .38 though.  OOPS, starting to sound like local high
    school backsketball there,eh??
    
    (8^)
    
    JaKe
    

    Jake,
    
    Why do people insist on calling BB players "ball handlers" ?  And how
    does one become a good "ball handler", is it practice ?
    
    John "D Cowboys" R.

     Grow big hands sows that you can "handle" the ball   :-)
    
     FaKe 
    
    (Sorry JaKe, couldn't resist answering)

Dear Jake,

	I was watching this show on abc last night that came on after
HI I think. It had this beautiful little Woman in it who was running
a business her husband was a teacher and this Don Johnson wannabe radio
manager was almost as hot for her as I was...What's her name? 

mike    

    Mike are you in a time warp or somethin?  HI is not on until Wednesday.

              <<< Note 47.107 by PATE::MACNEAL "ruck `n' roll" >>>

    Mike are you in a time warp or somethin?  HI is not on until Wednesday.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
	certainly would explain a few things.....

 mike

    re.106
    
    Dunno, didn't see it and the wifee already threw out this week's TV
    Guide.
    
    Sorry
    
    JaKe
    

    
    >>Why do people insist on calling BB players "ball handlers" ?  And how
    >>does one become a good "ball handler", is it practice ?
    
    
    Beeing as it is imperative to wear a "cup" fer one's own protection
    whilst playing this sport, and the propensity of the cup to continually
    move to the most uncomfortable spot it cain, the player must make
    "adjustments" both to the cup and to it's contents.  Therefore, the
    name "ball handler".
    
    How does one become a good "ball handler"??  Well, good ballhandling
    skill are developed almost from birth, with a very busy learning period
    at about the age of 3, at least Nathan, my 3 year old, has been
    practicing his "ball handling" skills almost continually recently.
    
    
    Schnorttt Schittt Schleppps
    
    JaKe
    

    
>>HI I think. It had this beautiful little Woman in it who was running
    
    hey Mike, you either need glasses or need new glasses, that was
    "Roseanne".
    
    
    Yuccccccccccccchhh
    
    JaKe
    

re: .110

JaKe we already have heard evidence that Nathan is a very precocious
child.

The Crazy Met

 naw Jake, freakin' Hawk would kill me if I started mess around with
 Rosanne...by with that slender figure of hers who knows??  ;^)

 well I checked the paper and the show was "Room for Two". Unfortunately
 the paper didn't list any credits. 

 Mac,  the confusion was I saw an HI commericial and assumed that because
 it's the rerun season they moved it in as a filler because of it's 
 high ratings....

 mike

    Was that the show with Linda Lavin?  I thought it got da boot a long
    time ago...
    

yup that's the one Walt. Speaking of Linda Lavin, I think she's aged pretty
dam nice looking better than in her "Alice" days. Of course than again time
may have lowered my standards....

mike

    
    Mike C-- say it ain't  so! Linda Lavin??  You must be aging awfully
    fast to have time lower your standards that low.  
    
    brews

re:.117

The fallacy in tha argument is you are assuming that MikeC had standards.

The Crazy Met

TCM stick it where the sun don't shine will ya....hahahahaa


great note....

      Dear Jake,
    
      Why would a man (careful) want to pierce his ear(s)?
    
      Tim
    

    
    >>I don't think that's the BB he was referring to.
    
    Be it BaseBall or BacksketBrawl, anybody playing either sport
    nowadays would be an idiot if they didn't wear a cup.  Hail, fer a
    "non-contact" sport, Backsketbrawl sure has a lot of contact, and
    elbows probably find their way to the family jewels pretty damned fast.
    Hail there's probably more contact in a NBA game than the whole
    Patriot's offensive line cain muster up on the best of their Sundays.
    
    Schnortt Schitt Schlepps
    
    JaKe
    

    
    >>  Why would a man (careful) want to pierce his ear(s)?
    
    >>  Tim
    
    Clearly, it's a foggy subject.
    
    For many, it's because they were bottle fed instead of breast fed, and
    it fouled them up bigtime, but they get wicked aroused at the smell of
    rubber nipples.  For others, it's the early onset of a midlife crisis,
    brought on, probably by them only getting to play an occasional "C"
    side in a Rugby match.  For others, they put a hook type earring in the
    ear and hang their cellular phone headset on it when they have to shift
    to another gear in the pickemup truck.
    
    Schnortt schitt Schlepps
    
    JaKe
    

I never wore, nor will I wear a cup playing rugby.   I've gotten hit 
there a couple of times but it wasn't anything that a cup would have made
any better.

Besides, the GREATEST pain in the world is when one of your "boys" sneaks
around the side of the cup, then the cup gets hit and the edge of the 
cup plows into that wayward boy.   Bad news....


'Saw

>I never wore, nor will I wear a cup playing rugby.   I've gotten hit 
>there a couple of times but it wasn't anything that a cup would have made
>any better.

>Besides, the GREATEST pain in the world is when one of your "boys" sneaks
>around the side of the cup, then the cup gets hit and the edge of the 
>cup plows into that wayward boy.   Bad news....


>'Saw
    
    Ahhh Saw... To waer a cup requires something there to protect....
    
    REK
    
    A very big :-}

>    Ahhh Saw... To waer a cup requires something there to protect....
>    
>    REK
>    
>    A very big :-}


I don't manage the Big Johnson catalog because of my managerials skills....


(an even BIGGER one....)


'Saw

    Is a Nissan Maxima considered a "Yuppie" car?
    

    Depends on where/who you are I guess...
    
    What about a Maxima with personalized plates???
    

    
    I think the latest yuppie thing (last couple if years, anyway) is that
    stuupid gold trim crap.  It wasn't too awful bad on benz's, and I
    figgered if I saw it on a seville, it wasn't that surprising, cause the
    driver thought white belt and white shoes looked sharp, but now I see
    it everywhere.  I mean, why spend $1000 bucks to stick it on a Yugo,
    when you could use the money for a decent car?
    
    brews

JaKe,

ain't it wonderful to have so many helpers??

'ya know this is the second time I remember Karen in this topic;
come to think of it the last time was when you originally posted your
"Nice Guy" essay. :-)

The Crazy Met

    I've got gold trim on my car... it didn't cost me extra though...
    thought it looked nicer than the traditional, run of the mill silver.
    If it cost me extra, I wouldn't have done it...

Walt's car is nuclear.

I mean, you look at it, parked, and it's doing like 85 miles an hour.

One night at the OPP, when Walt let me sit in it, I got out of it
a second or so before Walt.  I was standing next to it, and this
bee-yoo-tee-ful babe gave me this look like "I wanna go for a ride".

Then she saw Walt get out of the drivers seat and she looked at me
as if I was this big imposter.


Yep, Walt's car is HOT.....


'Saw

    Yeah, so there... not like Volvo Brews drives.... I bet his neighbor
    likes gold trim...
    

    No stickers on mine... just the "I support Albany Police" sticker
    inside the back window...

    SPEND

I've got a few stickers on my back window:


		o a Digital sticker (out of date now, because it's blue)

		o two rugby stickers
	
		o a WAAF sticker

		o a Simpson sticker


Needs to be washed and waxed too -- maybe this weekend.....


'Saw

One sticker in back window 

Columbia University

gotta have one of those when living near Harvard.

The Crazy Met

    
    Hep me with this dilemna JaKe...
    
    Went to a BBQ hosted by some transplanted Pittsburghers this weekend
    whar I had the pleasure ( ??!!) of tasting some Iron City Beer. Trouble
    is I think they forgot to remove the iron... Since they was all_a_glow
    that some ignoramous NE'er would a ever heard of Iron City ( thankee 
    JaKe, billl, glenn, et all), I didn't have the guts to tell 'em it
    reminded me of Gansett (yuck). So tell me JaKe.. didst I get a bad
    batch or is this stuff brewed from the sewage plant off the
    Monongahela??
    
    I gots ta tell 'em da troof someday or they'll continue to poison the
    neighborhood.. 8^)
    
    MikeL
    

    What car do you drive, Walt?

    Whatsa matta wif Gansett?

    
    >>JaKe, billl, glenn, et all), I didn't have the guts to tell 'em it
    >>reminded me of Gansett (yuck). So tell me JaKe.. didst I get a bad
    >>batch or is this stuff brewed from the sewage plant off the
    >>Monongahela??
    
    Nah, ya probably got some stuff that had been in the can too long.
    I used to think that Iron City was garbage, but recently, when I bought
    a couple of cases with the CLemente cans, I found it's not as bad as I
    remember it to have been.
    
    My personal opinion is that they take the water straight from the
    Allegheny River(the Monongahela gets it's start in West By-God
    Virginny, up in the mountains, and ya never know whut's in the water
    from up there), add some hops and grain and sugar, and ferment it,
    without first purifying the water.  Now, there's and Allegheny Ludlum
    steel plant about 17 miles up the river from the Brewery, so who knows
    what else is in the water.
    
    Iron City, if ya gets it fresh, tastes pretty good, actually, but if ya
    let it sit in the can fer more than a month or so, it eats away at that
    protective layer of junk they put in the cans, and starts disolving the
    aluminum.  That could be why it tastes so bad.  If ya leave a case of
    Iron City sit fer a year or so, it disolves the cans, and the
    cardboard, and just leaves a hole in the concrete in the basement where
    it was sitting.  If yer dog drinks some of it...well....have ya ever
    seen the movie "Cujo"???????
    
    
    Fer Iron City Light, they pass a magnet thru the vat of water before
    they brew wif it.
    
    Schnortt Schitt Schlepps
    
    JaKe
    
    

    Plymouth Laser...
    

    Well Mac
    
    Was at a raffle once whar the first prize was a can of Gansett.
    Second prize was a six pack.
    
    Loverly stuff
    
    MikeL
          

    It's a sad day fer cars when a freakin' Plymouth is a Babe Magnet.
    
    (8^(
    
    JaKe
    

    Sorry, couldn't find a '93 Gremlin...
    
    Answer the question about the Maxima...
    

>    It's a sad day fer cars when a freakin' Plymouth is a Babe Magnet.
>    
>    (8^(
>    
>    JaKe


It's a hot car.....  HOT car.
    

    
    >>Sorry, couldn't find a '93 Gremlin...
    
    As you know, Gremlins are extinct.  BUT, the perfect one would be an
    old one wif strategically placed rust holes that make it easy to take a
    whizzzzz on the drive home after a night of some heavy beer drinking. 
    Hail, the floor's rusted away, just whip it out and water down the
    road.  Plus, if the thing stalls, it helps having the rust holes in the
    floor fer that Fred Flintstone style getaway.
    
    >>Answer the question about the Maxima...
    
    Maxima, not too bad a car, BUT, rub the paint long enuf and you'll see
    labels from the Chicken of the Sea cans start to peak thru from the
    cheap steel they use to make them.  Yuppie-mobile, pretty much. 
    Overpriced??You bet.
    
    Schnortt Schitt Schlepps
    
    JaKe
    

I know a guy who has a Lexus with gold trim all over it. the problem is that is
has polished silver alloy wheels so the gold trim makes it look like a pimp
mobile (IMHO).

Then again I saw a suziki Samuri the other day..lowered, with flares and tires
that extended out past the flares and all sorts of other stuff plastered to it.
With the money he spent making it look like truckosaurus he couldda bought a
real 4x4...


Metz

    True, gold trim means you must have gold wheels...
    
    I KNOW they don't make a Gremlin.  Or a Pacer.  Wish they still made
    Beetles...  don't believe in picking up the babes in an Acura or a
    Volvo.  And I live too far from the beach to drive a Trans-Am,
    Corvette, Stealth... Mustangs don't have front wheel drive... Grand
    Nationals are gone too, but they're family cars...
    

    
    
    >>							Wish they still made
    >>Beetles... 
    
    I hear ya.  I threw out my back once in a VW Beetle whilst making the
    "beast wif two backs" wif my HS girlfriend.
    
    JaKe
    

    ANybody else see the story today about the woman who waited till her
    hubby was asleep, the got a knife from her kitchen, and carved his
    penicular appendage???  She then got in the car, and took the severed
    portion with her, and threw it out the window down the road a ways. 
    The authorities found it, packed it in ice, and rushed the guy and his
    severed appendage to the hospital, where it was re-attached.
    
    She was arrested, claimed he beat and raped her before he went to
    sleep.  She could get 40 years in the slammer fer her handywork with
    the knife.
    
    JaKe
    

>    The authorities found it, packed it in ice, and rushed the guy and his
>    severed appendage to the hospital, where it was re-attached.
    

If they hadn't have been able to find it, what they usually do is take
a persons finger and use that as the basis of building a new one.   I 
read about a bullfighter who got gored by a bull and this was done for
him -- the original was damaged beyond repair.


What they can do these days with microsurgery is unbelievable....


'Saw    

    
>>What they can do these days with microsurgery is unbelievable....
    
    Well, Saw, maybe fer you it would be micro-surgery, but fer me, it
    would be definitely MACRO-surgery.
    
    (8^)
    
    JaKe
    

    If a finger is all it took...  nevermind.
    
    As for Plymouths, they've made some great cars over the years.  The
    Roadrunner was an obvious hot car.  All of the Big 3 put out some
    awesome cars in the late '60s.

    I know Plymouth made some hot cars IN THE PAST, hail my Barracuda was a
    screamer.
    
    Nowadays, though, I ain't seen anything from them that looks worth a
    damn.
    
    JMHO
    
    JaKe
    

    How about their version of the Intrepid (Concorde?  Vision?)?

    Did you hear they're putting 2 new faces on Mt. Rushmore?
    
    Bill Clinton

    wanna get that the hell outta here, Heiser!!!!!!!
    
    Take it to the note fer you, the Whining Loser note.
    
    JaKe
    

    
    >>If they hadn't have been able to find it, what they usually do is take
    >>a persons finger and use that as the basis of building a new one.   I
      
    
      Right, this guy wakes up after surgery and goes to take a 
    leak, before the doctors tell him what happened....
    
     "How did I grow a fingernail?....Hey, that looks like MY ring.."
    
    
       

    The Laser's the same as an Eagle Talon or Mitsubishi Eclipse...

    All I got fer bumber stickers is
    
    I brake for whales and
    1988
    1989
    1990
    1991
    1992
    1993
    Lunenburg dump stickers...
    
    REK

    Ref VW Beetles - I heard last week that VW is seriously considering
    bringing back the Beetle.  
    
    Anyone else heard of it?
    
    Lee

    
    re. vehicles
    
    	I've got racing stripes down the driver's side of my truck......
    	with a little help from Copenhagen.  
    
    	The ultimate vehicle is a Ford F250 HD (heavy duty), extended
    	cab, XLT package, 4WD, manual tranny, with 7.3 liters of
    	rompin', stompin' diesel engine!  Hey, that sounds just like
    	my truck!
    
    Claybone

    re .166
    
    Lee,
    
    They never stopped making VDub's.  They just stopped selling them in
    the US of A.  There's a plant still running in Mexico...
    
    Conan
    

 Mr. X won't you please comeback? I haven't been hit with any sanitary
 napkins in a long long time....................

 mike

VW Beetles.  Love 'em.  When I was dating my wife, 
she was in da passenger seat of my Beetle.  We were 
driving down the road.  Boom, the floor on the passenger
side gives out, almost ejecting her through the floor.

For some reason she never liked that car after that - 
even after me and my buddies welded a new floor on it -
using scrap metal from the Mill...

JD

    Claybone, I got racing strips in my shorts, with a little help from B&M
    Baked Beans.
    
    Lee

A guy I used to ride with on the ambulance had bought a Barracuda, used,
back in 1982.  Anyway, he found out it was one of a limited edition they
put out with a racing motor in it.

He used to work on it in the spare ambulance bay.  Unbelievable what that
thing would sound like and do.....


'Saw

    re Barracudas
    
    I bought mine whilst I were stationed in Biloxi, Miss., which by the
    way is the a$$hole of the world, and Keesler AFB was five miles up it.
    
    It had a 273 cu in V8, which I did EXTENSIVE work to, a 4 spped tranny
    off of a 392 Hemi Chrysler, and some dope put a '58 Ford limited slip
    differential into the thing.
    
    After doing tons of stuf to the engine, (and shelling out tons of $$$)
    I finally got the thing down to 12 seconds in the quarter mile.
    
    I drove in north in the winter of '74, coming home fer Christmas, blew
    the rear end whilst in PA., replaced the gears, and on the way back,
    made it 75 miles before developing an internal water leak and blowing
    up the motor(rounded a lobe off of the cam).
    
    There's a bridge just on the eastern side of Bilosi, which crosses over
    the opening to the back bay, and into Ocean Springs.  It's one of those
    long bridges, which raises up in the middle and had a grate-style
    drawbridge in the middle, then drops back down on the other side.
    
    I used to cross that bridge, turn around, and then punch the thing.  By
    the center of the bridge(~2/3 mile) I'd pegged the speedometer(went to
    125) and was back down to about 90mph.  
    
    Had a scare one night when some jerk going the other way launched a
    somewhat full beer can out his window, and it hit the splash pan under
    the front, then veered upward and took out the radiator.  had that
    thing hit the windshield.....
    
    JaKe
    

The Mexican V-dubs won't pass the National Safety Stds. They're 
not allowed into the US, legally.

MOPAR: Let's not forget the Chargers, Challengers, Super Bees, 
Superbirds, Cudas, and 340 Dusters/Darts/Swingers/Demons.

Guy in the next cube has a '70 Cuda AAR w/340 6pack. 40K original 
miles. Rolling real estate....

I'd kill for a 70 Charger R/T or '70 Coronet R/T ragtop.

Scat Pack, Rapid Transit System, King Richard, Sox & Martin...

Days of Thunder.

daryll

    	Daryll,
    
    	Back in 1969, at Camp Lejeune, there was a fella there with
    	a nondescript Chevy Biscayne. It had "Insane Biscayne"
    	painted on the rear. Thing had a 427 in it. It was only
    	nondescript until he started it up.
    
    	Scott

      Daryll,  Good taste on the Chargers!    Didn't own an R/t, but I did
    restore a '69 Charger.  It was great until I found a palm tree on Palm
    lane in Phoenix.
    
      Tim

    There was an ad for Liberty on Landsdowne next Wednesday (Sailors
    who have ships in Boston hah-bah for Hah-bahfest get to go out,
    get drunk and chase bimbos).  The ad said "hey ladies, wanna meet
    a sailor from Russia or Italy or somewhere around the world..."
    
    Don't they have wimmen sailors?  If so, wouldn't they try to entice
    men into going?  Or are they saying it ain't worth it?
    

Yeah Walt they gots em.

They look like Janet Reno.

Have fun.

daryll

    re.178
    
    Too Much, daryll.
    
    
    JaKe
    

    
    
    
    >>				The ad said "hey ladies, wanna meet
    >>a sailor from Russia or Italy or somewhere around the world..."
    
    >>Don't they have wimmen sailors?  If so, wouldn't they try to entice
    >>men into going?  Or are they saying it ain't worth it?             
    
    If yer talking about what's left of the Soviet Navy, who knows whether
    they have wimmen sailors or not.  Judging by the "wimmen" the Soviet
    Union sent to the Olympics, it'd be debatable what is occupying their
    ships.
    
    Schnortt Schitt Schlepps
    
    JaKe
    

    Not interested, I'll be on the Cape with my girlfriend.  Just curious
    what JaKe had to say... they're not just Russian, they're from all
    over.  Assume they're from Italy, France, etc...
    
    

I have a question:


	How come military style bathrooms don't have doors on the
	stalls?


'Saw

    
    
    >>	How come military style bathrooms don't have doors on the
    >>	stalls?
    
    Being as whole groups are supposed to work as teams in th military,
    it's so everybody cain "share the experience".
    
    Schnortt Schitt Schlepps
    
    JaKe
    

    Hail, on the Destroyers I was on, there weren't any stalls, never mind
    doors.  Five or six s(h)itters in a row, sea water flowing from the
    first to the last then outboard.  Used to be fun watching a new guy
    settled on number five or six when an old hand on number one would
    light toilet paper on fire and let it drive down to the last ones.
    
    Lee

    
    
            Well, on the battleship I was on we had stalls with doors in
    every head (bathroom). The curtains on the showers is what p'd me off.
    
    
    Chappy

Well, the baffroom in the Armory has stalls but no doors, and I'd never
actually seen that before.  I've heard about it though.....


Thanks for the info!


'Saw

Lee -

When you were on destroyers, did they have set times to leave the oars so you
could go to the baffroom?  And tell us, was the 'ramming speed' beat really as
fast as the depicted in "Ben Hur"?

:-)

JD

    I can't recall, JD, I was too busy reading Boston media hype about Bill
    Russell, Sam Jones, Bob Cousy, Tom Heinsohn, and the rest of those
    over-exposed World Champions.  Year after year after year.  Really
    boring, know what I mean?
    
    Lee

    Ah JD,
    I knew you always liked gladiator movies! 8^)
    
    Now Jason and the Argonauts averaged 15 knots against the wind cuz they
    had real main-like salt-mine honed pythons like yerself and Popeye.
    No mechanical engines for tjose dudes. Whoops! Wrong note.
    
    MikeL
    

    What ever happened to Andrea McArdle, the Original Broadway "Annie"?

    
    JaKe,
    
    This has been bothering me for some time and I've been meaning to ask
    ya in the hopes that you'd know the answer.
    
    Question:
    
    
    		Why is pubic hair curley?
    
    
    
    deening to wonk, I remain,
    Kev_the_curley
    

    
    >>		Why is pubic hair curley?
    
    Well Kev, if it were straight, you'd get yer eyes poked out!!!!!
    
    
    (8^)
    
    JaKe
    

    
    Wail, what about people who wear glasses?  Wot do they have?
    
    I remain,
    getting deeper and deeper into it!
    Kev
    

    
    >>Wail, what about people who wear glasses?  Wot do they have?
    
    Dirty streaked slimey glasses.
    
    JaKe
    

    what about bald people, Jake?

    
    >>what about bald people, Jake?
    
    A damned good shine.
    
    JaKe
    

 One of my co-workers called me a "Richard-cranium" the other day. Should
 I be offended or flattered?

    
 >>One of my co-workers called me a "Richard-cranium" the other day. Should
 >>I be offended or flattered?
    
    Lessee, nickname's fer Richard are Rich, Rick, and Dick.
    
    Another word for cranium is Head.
    
    You tell us, Tommy.  If the flue shi...er if the shoe fits!!!
    
    (8^)
    
    JaKe
    

Tommy,

You have to be careful of two things in life:

	Rectal-Cranial Insertion

and 

	Retro-Cranial Inversion


Other than that, tell your co-worker to go screw....8^)


'Saw

  Dear JaKe,

  Yesterday's paper had an ad for women's fashion undergarments designed to
  be worn underneath all that sheer clothing designers are foisting off on
  us these days.  The text said that these semi-sheer undies would provide
  both "interest" and modesty.

  They provided pictures.  Some of the items were labeled "semi-transparent".
  Some of them were labeled "semi-opaque". They all looked like two layers of
  Saran Wrap to me.

  What is the difference between "semi-transparent" and "semi-opaque"?  Not
  that I am planning to purchase either kind at the present time of course. 8^#

  modest & uninteresting near Miami,
  Kath

> modest & uninteresting 

redundant??

The Crazy Met

><<< Note 47.203 by CTHQ::MCCULLOUGH "Lindsey and Melanie have a new house..." >>>
>     -< Gonna need to hose down Jakester before he can answer that one.. >-


Now there's a picture.   I mean, ponder it for a moment....


Come to think of it, it's a good thing I wasn't eating lunch while I
was pondering it.....


'Saw

    I wouldn't hold ma breath waiting fer a quick response there, Kath.
    
    After all, JaKey has to go back and peruse his wife's 'Victoria's
    Secrets' catalogues before he can give you a cogent response...
    However, cogent response and Jake are anathema. On second thought,
    he'll be in here presently.
    
    8^)
    MikeL
    

    Kath
    
    What store was this????  I think for a proper response on this
    question, I'm going to have to go "undercovers" and do some real
    research, so, as was stated in somebody else's reply, it may take a few
    days.
    
    JaKe
    
    (sitting here drenched from the jerk that turned the fire hose on me
    cause I was spouting smoke from the ears.)
    
    

>What store was this????

  Burdines, the Florida equivalent of Jordan Marsh.  

  I could send the ad if it would help.

  It's wonderful to have a professional such as yourself to turn to for answers
  & guidance in confusing matters like this.  When I saw that ad in the Miami
  Herald, I thought "*who* could explain this?" and a little voice in my head
  cried "Just Ask JaKe!  He'll know!!"

  in humble gratitude,
  hoping this helps,

  Kath
  The Meek & Modest

    
 >> & guidance in confusing matters like this.  When I saw that ad in the Miami
 >> Herald, I thought "*who* could explain this?" and a little voice in my head
    
    The Miami Herald???????????????????
    
    Are you sure this isn't just a fiendish plot by Dave Barry to foul up
    the haids of the readers, then address the answers on the TV show
    that'll be based on his columns????
    
    Makes me wonder
    
    BTW, if you're hearing little voices in your head, are you sure they're
    not saying "Send massive amounts of cash to JaKe"????  Sorta sounds
    like "Just Ask JaKe", ya know??   
    
    (8^)
    
    JaKe
    

>>  Dear JaKe,

>>  Yesterday's paper had an ad for women's fashion undergarments designed to
>>  be worn underneath all that sheer clothing designers are foisting off on
>>  us these days.  The text said that these semi-sheer undies would provide
>>  both "interest" and modesty.

>>  They provided pictures.  Some of the items were labeled "semi-transparent".
>>  Some of them were labeled "semi-opaque". They all looked like two layers of
>>  Saran Wrap to me.

>>  What is the difference between "semi-transparent" and "semi-opaque"?  Not
>>  that I am planning to purchase either kind at the present time of course. 8^#

>>  modest & uninteresting near Miami,
>>  Kath

OK, after a couple of days of "research" I think I cain give ya an answer.

First of all, two layers of Saran Wrap would probably give ya more "hiding"
than this stuff does, at least the stuff I tried on...er..."researched" at 
the local "Lady Godiva" store.

Secondly, the difference between "semi-transparent" and "semi-opaque" is,
mostly, in the eye of the beholder, and the description offered by the
manufacturer, or the manufacturer's marketing rep.

Which brings me to why there are two descriptions fer the same thang.  It's
sorta like saying the glass is half empty, or half full.

As far as I cain tell, the term "semi-opaque" comes from a firm which employs a
female to write up the descriptions, while the firm that describes it's women's
undergarments as "semi-transparent" employs a male in said role.

Ya see, the term "semi-opaque" makes it sound like you can almost NOT see thru
the garment, while the term "semi-transparent" makes it sound like you can
almost SEE thru the garment.

Therefore, in terms of modesty, "semi-opaque" would appeal to a female who
would want to keep up with today's sheer fashions, but not give a "full window"
view of the merchandise, if'n ya know what I mean.  

"Semi-transparent" would appeal more to the guy buying that special someone a
garment, cause he would feel sure that if he strained hard enough, he'd be able
to get just enough of a look to satisfy his prurient interests, which men
strive for constantly, and get these dirty looks for all the time by the
offended party, who by the way, was the one who put on these clothes that are
either just revealing enough, or just NOT revealing enough, depending on the
views of the beholder, in the first place.  We neandertha...er...men are driven
by this animalistic impulse to always be on the lookout fer "glimpses" of the
opposite sex's forbidden fruit(not me, though, I'm happily married and don't do
this stuff anymore, but am compelled to report it), and try to do so as
nonchalantly as possible.  This is why "semi-transparent" appeals more to the
men, because it implies that we'll be able to see something through it.   It is
also why men's tongues get dirty and eyes pop out of their head, and when the
member of the opposite sex turns back toward them, or catches them looking,
they, and with no success, act like they weren't straining to see what they
were straining to see.

My next avenue of research in this matter is finding a well endowed waitress
from Hooter's...er...subject, yeah, that's the ticket, SUBJECT, to see if 
wearing a "semi-opaque" blouse over a "semi-opaque" bra = totally opaque or 
not. I mean, don't two halves make a whole, so wouldn't two "semi-opaques" make
an "opaque"????  I'll sell the pictures of this research to the highest bidder,
by the way.  Maybe --dan'l cain talk Pepper into volunteering fer this
important research project.

Schnorttt Schittt Schleppps

JaKe

    Jake,
    	What's there to do in Greensboro, N.C.?  Heading down for Labor
    Day weekend.  
    
    Jimbo

    Hate to step on JaKe's toes, but I used to live in Greensboro and I can
    tell you the short answer to your question:
    
    
    
    Absolutely Nothing!
    
    However if you don't mind driving :45 minutes or so I know a great
    little town called Chapel Hill.  Once there don't forget to visit:
    
    o Franklin Street.  This is college town, USA baby.
    o The Planetarium.  Gotta wet the educational pallette, and this is
      one of the better ones around.
    o Chapel Hill Bookstore.  A wave of BabyBlue will smack ya in the
      face as you walk thru the doors.  They've got Carolina Blue 
      *everything*.
    o The Dean Dome.  If ya can find it (not as easy as it might seem -
      this close to 25K arena is nestled near the Kenan Stadium (football)
      but can be difficult to find).  Go in, worship.  Bow, pay homage.
      View the trophies, the hanging banners, the pictures, the beautiful
      court.  Ah, gives me goose bumps just thinkin' bout it!
    
    HTH,
    
    
    - ACC Chris

  JaKe, that was <giggle> both beautiful and <guffaw> informative :^)  I am
  deeply edified, as are - judging by the admiring replies and the silence
  of those still awestruck into keyboard paralysis - the rest of the Inquiring
  Minds.

  btw, forget both Greensboro *and* Chapel Hill.  What you want is GreenVILLE,
  *N*C, home of Ventnor's Grill (great Southern cooking and true atmosphere),
  East Carolina University, former home of moi...and close to Wilson, where
  Parker's Barbecue is the ONLY barbecue worthy of the name in the entire
  United States.  And to objections I say :^b

  wondering if guys can see semi-opaque undies beneath opaque business clothes,
  Kath

    
  >>wondering if guys can see semi-opaque undies beneath opaque business clothes,
    
    Nah, but we cain see opaque business clothes UNDER semi-opaque undies.
    
    GLad ya "liked" the answer
    
    JaKe
    

    Do both N.C. and S.C. have a Greenville?  Wasn't the DEC facility (that
    was sold) in Greenville, S.C.?

Yep, SC has a Greenville, and I can tell you that it's a lovely place.

The City used to be a client when I worked for a consulting firm prior to
coming to DEC.  

It's also the city where the great Shoeless Joe Jackson passed away in 
1951...


'Saw

    >Do both N.C. and S.C. have a Greenville?
    
    Yes - South Carolina created one out of pure envy :^)
    
    objectively yours,
    Kath

    Bravo JaKe, a note worth coming back for.
    
    btw Mac, vacation is over; hehehe.
    
    The Crazy Met
    

JaKe,

from note 21.849

> He's married wif a boatload of kids.  

> ACC Chris

My question is what is the difference between a boatload of kids
and a truckload of kids??

Inquiring minds and all that ..

The Crazy Met

    and what is a noatload?
    
    brews, who caught TCM editing notes.  8^)
    

a misspelling of boatload. Brews, you sneaky thing :-)

The Crazy Met

>>    and what is a noatload?


	could it be a boat full of people with speech impediments?


	billl

    First song from the "Free Willy" soundtrack is "Will you be there" by
    Michael Jackson.  The soundtrack is on his record label.  
    
    Based on the latest charges against him, is there more to the "Free
    Willy" soundtrack then we know about?
    

    
>>    First song from the "Free Willy" soundtrack is "Will you be there" by
>>    Michael Jackson.  The soundtrack is on his record label.  
    
>>    Based on the latest charges against him, is there more to the "Free
>>    Willy" soundtrack then we know about?
    
    Wail, MJ used to take that monkey everywhere with him.  then he met
    "Willy".  MJ instantly became Willy's love slave.  the only problem fer
    MJ was that he couldn't take Willy with him on tour, at least not very
    easily, so he wonders if the whale will "wait fer him."
    
    Schnorttt Schittt Schleppps
    
    JaKe
    

    How does this relate to the investigation going on now?
    

    
    >>      <<< Note 47.228 by ROYALT::ASHE "Hey... what's going on?" >>>
    
    >>How does this relate to the investigation going on now?
    
    I dunno, but people who were close to Michael Jackson when he found out
    his place had been raided said he was blubbering pretty bad.
    
    JaKe
    

Okay, 

A couple of weeks ago, I got some kind of advertising in the mail that
included this neat pair of cardboard "eye-glasses" with red lenses.

Now, at first I thought they were those glasses you wear to see people
naked, you know, and I got all excited.  I waited for one of the
secretaries to come by, but instead this gravitational anomaly came by
and fortunately I found out that they don't work that way....

So, I've been wearing these things for a couple of weeks now, and strange
things are happening.

I keep hearing Jimi Hendrix in my head, or Steppenwolf.  I have this
urge to dress in tie-dyed clothing, and the other night I found myself
humming "Give Peace A Chance".

Yesterday, I stopped into a Post-Office to pick up a selective service
card to burn it.

And then I called AAA to find the best route to Max Yazgur's farm.....


Jake, what is happening to me?  Could these be Magic Glasses?

They make everything groovy.....


'Saw

    You hear Jimi, but do you listen to Jimi?

    Why 'Saw keep them glasses and git ready fer mah combination
    25th Woodstock anniversary/ND football preseason BBque nexted August.
    
    All brown acid to be left at the door
    
    
    MikeL
    

re Jimi:

	Man, I hear Jimi, I listen to Jimi, hell, I had him over to
	the house for dinner last night.   He says that he and Stevie
	Ray are working on a dynamite new album.  Otis Redding and
	Janis Joplin are going to do the vocals.

	Jim Morrison got all pissed off at that, and decided to write
	a novel instead of doing music for a while.

	Jimi told me that the boys from Lynyrd Skynyrd are writing some
	new stuff too.

	Oh yeah, and Jim Croce just put out a new book of poetry.


>
>    Why 'Saw keep them glasses and git ready fer mah combination
>    25th Woodstock anniversary/ND football preseason BBque nexted August.
>    
>    All brown acid to be left at the door
    

I'll be there, dude.  Just give me the call.  I'll come riding in 
like Dennis Hopper in 'Easy Rider'....   Let me know if you need any
good music for the occasion.....


'Saw
    

    Never heerd of these kinds of glasses.  What kind of promotion did they
    come in?????
                     
    Have they told ya if Elvis is really up there, or if not, what Burger
    King he's working at this week???
    
    And brand name on these contraptions????
    
    Need more info to decipher it fer ya.
    
    Or is ya just seeing the world thru rose colored glasses????
    
    JaKe
    

>    Never heerd of these kinds of glasses.  What kind of promotion did they
>    come in?????

I dunno.  They look like those 3-D glasses...
                     
>    Have they told ya if Elvis is really up there, or if not, what Burger
>    King he's working at this week???

Not yet.
    
'Saw    

    
>>I dunno.  They look like those 3-D glasses...
    
    Wail, did they include ANY kind of 'splaination in with them when they
    sent them to ya?????
    
    Lemme borrow them fer a few days and I'll be able to figger them out
    better.
    
    JaKe
    

|>>I dunno.  They look like those 3-D glasses...
|    
|    Wail, did they include ANY kind of 'splaination in with them when they
|    sent them to ya?????

Nope.  But the guy that gave them to me I'd only have to do him one
little favor.  I have to go put mud all over some ladies washing....

    
>    Lemme borrow them fer a few days and I'll be able to figger them out
>    better.

Get yer own glasses....8^)


'Saw
    

    
>>Nope.  But the guy that gave them to me I'd only have to do him one
>>little favor.  I have to go put mud all over some ladies washing....
    
    You been to a Stephen King movie recently, or read a Stephen King book
    recently and having a little trouble seperating reality from
    fantasy?????
    
    Sound good to me.  And did the guy look suspiciously like Max Van
    something er other???
    
    JaKe
    

|>>Nope.  But the guy that gave them to me I'd only have to do him one
|>>little favor.  I have to go put mud all over some ladies washing....
|    
|    You been to a Stephen King movie recently, or read a Stephen King book
|    recently and having a little trouble seperating reality from
|    fantasy?????

I've got my glasses, that's all I need...

    
>    Sound good to me.  And did the guy look suspiciously like Max Van
>    something er other???

Why yes, yes he did....
    
'Saw    

    
>>I've got my glasses, that's all I need...
    
    Now don't get teste with me, dammit!!
    
>>Why yes, yes he did....
    
>>'Saw    
    
    Uh-Oh, holocaust in Connecticut this weekend, bank on it.
    
    JaKe
    
    

>    
>    Now don't get teste with me, dammit!!
>    

Geez, you sound like Big Pete when he was doing leg presses last night.

He was complaining about the positioning of his boys, and he said
he thought he lost one.  I told him that unless it flew out and bounced
off the mirror to stop complaining, and keep pressing.

He told me not to get teste with him.....


|>>Why yes, yes he did....
|>>'Saw    
|    
|    Uh-Oh, holocaust in Connecticut this weekend, bank on it.
    
Nah, it'll be a while yet.  We've got to get the pyscho lady who lives
down the street all riled up.....


'Saw    
    

Dear Jake,

I need your help.

I have this problem.


You see, I find 'Beavis and Butt-head' to be extremely funny, in that
somewhat sick, warped way that guys get off on scatological references,
and picking their nose.

I mean, it's so bad that even Butt-head's laugh "huh-huh, huh-huh-huh"
makes me sit there and go to pieces.

And that scene where Beavis cuts the grasshopper in half with the chainsaw
and gets Butt-head's finger in the process, then stands there, the
consumate Judas Priest fan, revving the saw and chanting "Breakin' the
Law, Breakin' the Law", that scene makes me laugh uncontrollably.


I know this probably means I'm sick, depraved, warped, and otherwise
unstable, but in my own defense I can say that I haven't gotten off
on running toads over with the lawnmower in a long time.   


Jake, what can I do to get my life back to normal?   I mean, I'm getting
the urge to burn ants with a magnifying glass, just writing this.....


'Saw

    Go home and tear the wings off of every fly in your house.

    The best way is to take a walk in the woods, collect a few hundred 
    Daddy-Long-Leg spiders, take them home to your kitchen, pull the legs
    off and watch them twitch around on the table fer a while, then bake
    the torso's into some cookies and give them to the neighborhood brats
    and chuckle whilst they eat them.
    
    Schnorttt Schittt Schleppps
    
    JaKe
    

    
    
    
    	Nuttin that a good jar of vasiline can't cure.
    
    

      re-1
     
      'Saw,  I don't think your the one thats deprived.  This person needs
    help and "fast" in a "slow" way;^))
    
      Tim

>      'Saw,  I don't think your the one thats deprived.  This person needs
>    help and "fast" in a "slow" way;^))
    

I've been noticing this too.  

And you know, the 'Saw is one of those folks that just tends to be
mighty helpful.   But don't get me wrong.  I don't just stop to help women
with flat tires and stuff -- I helped a guy get a washing machine back
onto a trailer one time at the side of the road.  (The question was, though,
how did the washing machine fall OFF the trailer at full speed, and
stay 'right-side up'?)   I'm very helpful, in all the ways any situation
demands.

Maybe instead of sawing grasshoppers in half with chainsaws I should
think about some way to help poor Gin out of her "predicament"....

(But that thing about her just not having an eye, but an empty socket is
kind of scary, you know.....)


I'm gonna cogitate on this one for a while.......

'Saw

    
    Yabbut a eye socket iz just another (pseudo) oriface don cha know!
    
    I remain,
    imagining the possibilities!
    Kev
    

Personally, I'd much rather see a glass eye there, even if the dang thing
is pointed in the wrong direction.....

(You probably never saw a person with their eyeball hanging out....NOT a
pretty sight....  I've never gotten over that, quite honestly)


'Saw

      Gives a new meaning to "in your eye"....
    
      Tim

    I need help?  Since when did I need help?  What did I miss?  What
    should I have missed?
    
    I do have an eye and it's not glass either.  It works just fine, thank
    you.
    
    Gin

>    I do have an eye and it's not glass either.  It works just fine, thank
>    you.
    
Well, I know you have one, but you said you lost one, so the one you say
you have that's not glass could be the one you didn't lose to begin with,
and it's always worked just fine.

What about the other one??????


'saw

      Ok,  maybe help isn't the correct way of putting it. Um, let me see,
    um gratification? Satisfaction?
    
      Relief?  Thats it! Relief!
    
      Now this is based on the "type" of insinuated (my interpretation)
    notes that you enter Gin...Then again I may need some relief;^)
    
      Tim

    Dear Jake,
    
    Is $MAIL broke?
    
    Mark.

Saw,

Git yerself over to VH1 for a healthy dose of da one da only 

Tom Jones.

Then you'll realized what the true meaning on demented is.

daryll

    It's not unusual to be in love with anyone...
    

    Now it's that country and western singer... Bill knows who I mean...
    he owns the Cowboys right?  Tom Jones was in "The Fugitive".
    

Nope, he's the one dats always chasin dat mouse in the 
cartoons....

d

    Jake,
    
    If a guy goes out and gets an earring and a crewcut and starts watching
    Beevis & Butthead every chance he gets is he just going through a
    midlife crisis or having a true mental collapse?

>    
>    If a guy goes out and gets an earring and a crewcut and starts watching
>    Beevis & Butthead every chance he gets is he just going through a
>    midlife crisis or having a true mental collapse?


actually, my buddy Big John and I were talking about this today.

I haven't reached mid-life yet.  John and I figure we're probably stuck
at around 15 most of the time.  Now if I could just convince my ankles
and knee of that fact.....8^)

huh-huh, huh-huh-huh....that's cool!

'Saw

> actually, my buddy Big John and I were talking about this today.
  
    
      Is this like Big Johnson?  You talk to it? Ohhhhhh Chainsawwww....

    Tonight is the non-DEC fantasy football draft.  I need a new team
    nickname.  The past few seasons, it's been the Asheh0!e$, but I'm
    tired of that one... any new and creative ideas?  I liked the Waco
    Fire, but that too much time has past for that one... 

>    Tonight is the non-DEC fantasy football draft.  I need a new team
>    nickname.  The past few seasons, it's been the Asheh0!e$, but I'm
>    tired of that one... any new and creative ideas?  I liked the Waco
>    Fire, but that too much time has past for that one... 

How 'bout the Helmets.   Or even Helmet.  As in "Walt's Helmet"

'Saw

    
>>How 'bout the Helmets.   Or even Helmet.  As in "Walt's Helmet"

>>'Saw
    
    Or Walt's Turtlenecks.  It all depends on how Walt's parents had his
    Johnson treated in that firsted week after birth.
    
    JaKe
    

>    Or Walt's Turtlenecks.  It all depends on how Walt's parents had his
>    Johnson treated in that firsted week after birth.
    
This is true.

    
How bout just calling your team "Sterculius".   If anyone wants to
know who he was, just ask me in mail.....


'Saw

	How about...Ashe-tray(or -tres) or simply The Butts.

	then there's always the Phoenix Phlash-In-The-Pans or Chapel Hill Chokers.

	(sorry Mike and Chris, just trying to keep it ::SPROTS related)



	billl

 What about the "Walter PPKs"? PPK as in punters, passers and kickers.

    Walter Egos?  Eh, that ain't bad, even for you Markey...
    
    Maybe the Walter gnats....
    
    I don't smoke, so I don't like Ashe-trays... besides, I'm not sure
    if I can get Marion Butts on the team.
    
    Doesn't have to be name related... right now, Tent Pitchers is up
    there too...

>                             -< LeggomyJohnson... >-

Why would Walter be holding my Johnson?


Walter PPKs is good.

Tent Pitchers sounds like something from Beavis and Butt-head, so Gin
won't like it....


'Saw
    

    	How 'bout AsheWipes?
    
    		/Don_for_'Saw_for_Butt-Head

    I hope none of these guys have reason to hold onto my Johnson.
    
    PPK's... need receivers and tight ends (so to speak) for the team
    too...
    
    Like I said, I liked the Waco Fire around the BD stakeout time, but
    that's old news.  No interest is the "Free Willies".  Heidi Fleiss
    is too ugly to think about something like "Fleiss' Flossers".

Fleiss is SPENT.

I wouldn't do her with Jake's penicular appendage.


How 'bout the ButtBuffers?   Oh wait, you said it's non-DEC...  Sorry.


'Saw

    I have the Wipers already in another league... so this one was the
    'Holes...
    
    I could always do the kickers or kissers I suppose...
    

    No way, I ain't hiring Lou Gorman Steinbrenner or whatever his name
    was...

>                                -< SteinGorman >-


Sounds like something out of a German horror movies...


	Das Nacht die Aliveinschuman SteinGormann


Ja....


    
    

What I always do is pick a level of disgustingness to go with the ability of my
team...

Last year They were the festering wounds and finished 3rd from the bottom. This
year they are rename the puss filled sores because I don't expect to finish any
higher than last season...

For topical news instead of the Waco fire you could use..

 Zoey Bairds
 Clinton Budgets
 economic sanctions
 boznian targets
 Seles stabbers
 kidnapped cleaners
 military cutbacks
 homosexual soldiers (not that there's anything wrong with that)...
 tailhook scandals
 porno marines
 magic johnsons
 gambling jordans
 
Metz

How about Festering Sores?

    Metz - you mean Walt's scalp massagers?
    
    I like Seles Stabbers... I also like the Bungie dumpers...

    
    How about The Walt theHells?
    
    
    brews

    Dang it Brews, why couldn't you come up with that yesterday?  That
    would have worked.... I'll have to remember that one...
    
    How's the neighbah?  Does she have all these varmits in her backyard?
    

    
    Soory I wasn't in here yesterday.  Cain't talk about the neighbor,
    people in here (and da wifey) gets mad.  But her part of the
    neighborhood is good rattlesnake hunting territory, if'n ya know what I
    mean.
    
    brews

>    Soory I wasn't in here yesterday.  Cain't talk about the neighbor,
>    people in here (and da wifey) gets mad.  But her part of the
>    neighborhood is good rattlesnake hunting territory, if'n ya know what I
>    mean.
    
Well, if you gots a few good neighbor stories, don't hesitate to
send them along in VAXmail.....


'Saw

I've got a big problem.


Lately, there's been this hot girl working out in the gym with us.  I don't
know her name, but I do know she's pretty serious about lifting.  She's
not gross, like some women bodybuilders, but she's got some awfully nice
curves.  She works out with us, in the free weight section, she's very
quiet, hardly ever talks except to ask if you've got many more sets, and
she's okay....

Now, don't get me wrong, I certainly don't mind standing there, watching
her lift, squat, do flys, whatever.  I really don't mind that at all.

However, it's the other guys.  They stand there and watch, and they're
very polite about it.  BUT, they drool.

Now, I'm not averse to wiping my own sweat off a bench or whatever, but
I'm getting kind of tired of having to wipe their drool off.   


What should I do?????

'Saw

  >> I've got a big problem.

     You're just now realizing this?

    Ask her if it bugs her.  If not, don't sweat it... (pun intended)
    

>
>    Ask her if it bugs her.  If not, don't sweat it... (pun intended)
>    


It bugs me.  I don't want other folks drool on my towel.....


As for you other guys questioning my problem, I'll quote my friend
ACC Chris --- Aw Shaddap!   8^)


'Saw

    
    >>However, it's the other guys.  They stand there and watch, and
    >>they're very polite about it.  BUT, they drool.
    
    
      'Saw, stand up, take a deep breath, and tell 'em to 
    
      
     
    
    
    Watch the girl!!
    
    

    if you're not watching, how do you know they are too? ;-)
    
    tell her about your weights setup at home and ask her if she'd be more
    comfortable working out there.

>    if you're not watching, how do you know they are too?


No,  I AM watching. I'm watching and taking notes, and thinking of bringing
a video camera, even.

Yes, I'm watching, and I know they are too because I can see them in the
mirror, and I see the drool escaping their lips, trailing downward, landing
on anything in sight....

I'm having a problem with THEIR DROOL, not with her, uh, um, form.....


'Saw

  These guys actually physically drool? How the hell do they manage to
 lift weights without opposable thumbs? When I'm at the gym and some-
 one leaves moisture on a piece of equipment, that I want to use, I just
 point it out to them, politely. Most people have enough courtesy to wipe
 it off.

>    
>    tell her about your weights setup at home and ask her if she'd be more
>    comfortable working out there.

I don't have a weight set up at home.  I could probably buy one though....



'Saw

    well you better hurry up and get one so you can use that line!
    
    do they drool out of both corners of their mouths at the same time?  If
    not, better tell the management the floor needs leveling.

>  These guys actually physically drool? How the hell do they manage to
> lift weights without opposable thumbs? When I'm at the gym and some-
> one leaves moisture on a piece of equipment, that I want to use, I just
> point it out to them, politely. Most people have enough courtesy to wipe
> it off.


It's kind of a trance like state that they get into, almost close to
a catatonic thing -- like some of those episodes in Star Trek where time
kind of stops for most of the folks.  I don't think they are aware of
it....


I think I'm just gonna go up to one of them next time and say "Hey jerky,
wipe that off".....


'Saw

Bring  bunch of dixie cups in next time and hand them out to everybody. When
they ask what they're for tell them they're drool cups to catch what's been
flowing out of their mouths lately...

Personally I'd tell these guys to stop being such neanderthals and to move into
the '90s...

Then I'd run...

Metz

>Personally I'd tell these guys to stop being such neanderthals and to move into
>the '90s...
>
>Then I'd run...

Nah, they'd never turn on me like that.   

They'd just wait till I was in the middle of a wicked set of deadlifts
or something and pants me.....8^)


'Saw

>    
>    Noone's questioning your problem.  We're all quite certain you have
>    one.

Well, okay, I have a problem.  

That doesn't make me a bad person.


Does it?

    maybe you can set up a plan.   Does she watch you workout?  If so, have
    your friends pants you anyway.

    
    Yabbut maybe they have a medical problem?  I remember when I had to
    force-feel my cat a worm pill, the directions said that if the dumb
    feline bit into the pill, it would cause uncontrolled drooling.
    
    I made sure I shoved those suckers wayyyy down the dumb cat's gullet.
    It did not make the cat a happy camper either....
    
    I remain,
    Kev_the_vet
    

    I am so disappointed in you guys!
    
    
    
    		NO ONE ASKED WHAT GYM THIS IS HAPPENING AT?
    
    ps  Anyone want some free airline tickets?
    
    
    Gin

>    maybe you can set up a plan.   Does she watch you workout?  If so, have
>    your friends pants you anyway.


Actually, she's pretty intense in her workout.  And quite honestly, there's
other guys there that'd be more interesting to watch than me.


I guess it's just kind of new to the guys still.  I mean, before this
girl showed up, they used to have to watch the aerobics classes to get
their jollies.

Me?  I'm just there to workout....


'Saw

>    		NO ONE ASKED WHAT GYM THIS IS HAPPENING AT?
    
    because 'Saw saw her first.  It's part of a code of honor among mainly
    friends.

>>    		NO ONE ASKED WHAT GYM THIS IS HAPPENING AT?
>    
>    because 'Saw saw her first.  It's part of a code of honor among mainly
>    friends.

Oh, I have no claim, nor do I want one.


My big problem was the other guys drool was spoiling my workout.


See, when I work out, it's like I'm in a temple.  There's my body, (which
is still looking bad naked) and there's the weights.  And then there's
the Saints of Pump and Burn.   

So, if I'm in the Temple, I might notice her, but I'm not going to drool
and lose my opposable thumbs.



In fact, I seriously doubt ANY WOMAN could break my concentration when
I'm in the gym.  I'm not built like Arnold, but I'm serious like him....


But I just kind of detest sitting in someone else's drool.


I guess I'll take Tommy's suggestion and politely ask them to wipe up
their drool.....


'Saw

>See, when I work out, it's like I'm in a temple.  There's my body, (which
>is still looking bad naked) and there's the weights.  And then there's
    
    did you hear Letterman describe his to Demi the other night?

|>See, when I work out, it's like I'm in a temple.  There's my body, (which
|>is still looking bad naked) and there's the weights.  And then there's
|    
|    did you hear Letterman describe his to Demi the other night?

No, I didn't....


'Saw

    Sounds good...
    
    
    Free tickets?  Depends on where it's too and what the sights are when
    I get there...
    

    'Saw - here's what you do.
    
    1) Go to Woolworth's.
    
    2) Find the housdehold goods department.
    
    3) Purchase a set (they come in four or eight) of solid plastic
    drool cups.  The good ones come wif the adjustable strap so's you
    kin wear it around your neck while you work out - you don't hafta
    attach it to your collar like the older models.
    
    4) Should only put you out about 7-8 dollars, and think of all the
    friends you'll make when you pass 'em out at the gym.
    
    NAZZ

Nazz, that's a pretty good idea.  I think I'll try that.....


'Saw

    Saw
    
    Do these guys knuckles steel drag on the ground when they walk, too???
    
    Maybe you should hang out at a gym where the average brain capacity
    surpasses that of a grape.  And, ask any of them if their mommies ever
    told them it's not polite to leave their mouths open when gawking, and
    if they ever developed the reflex of swallowing their own spit.
    
    Sheez, any of them owned by a guy named Pavlov?????
    
    JaKe
    

>    Do these guys knuckles steel drag on the ground when they walk, too???

Nah, they have short arms.
    
>    Maybe you should hang out at a gym where the average brain capacity
>    surpasses that of a grape.  

I wear bike shorts, so that I don't hang out.


>    Sheez, any of them owned by a guy named Pavlov?????
    
Nah, he died.....


'Saw    

    
>>Nah, they have short arms.
    
    Surgically shortened, I presume, seeing as their drooling is still
    at a level of about 45,000 years ago.  Better watch in case one of
    these ogres brings in a club and decides to take her back to his cave.
    
>>I wear bike shorts, so that I don't hang out.
    
    By what I've heard, you could cut them off at the waist and not "hang
    out".  What was it the doc told yer parents after circumsizing ya, "If
    he'd gone any further, he'd just have left a scab on yer ass!"
    
    Many (8^)'s
    
    JaKe
    
    

>>>I wear bike shorts, so that I don't hang out.
>    
>    By what I've heard, you could cut them off at the waist and not "hang
>    out".  What was it the doc told yer parents after circumsizing ya, "If
>    he'd gone any further, he'd just have left a scab on yer ass!"
    
That's becuase it's so long it looks like my leg.....8^P


    
    

    If Hawk was here, he'd tell ya to just use the duct tape that you
    ruggers tape your ears back with.

>    If Hawk was here, he'd tell ya to just use the duct tape that you
>    ruggers tape your ears back with.

I miss Hawk.....  I really do......


'Saw

    BTW - I was talking about the droolers deserving the duct tape.
    
>That's becuase it's so long it looks like my leg.....8^P
    
    maybe we should start calling you "Tripod"

    We don't use duct tape.  It's too wide and sticky.  We use electrical
    tape.

    
     Jake,
    
     Heres a toughy !!
    
    
    When are the Pitsburgh fans going to be rewarded for their unwaivering
    support of their lowly footbal team.  15 + years is a long time ago

     <<< Note 47.310 by CSTEAM::FARLEY "Carol's gonna wear maternity
    
    
  >  I remember when I had to force-feel my cat, 
    
    Kev, what you do on your own time is your business, but I don't think
    S&M mixed with beastiality is a topic for a family notes conference. 
    
    
    Tipper brews, Pres. of Concerned Parents for Family Noting

    I like duct tape better than electrical tape.  You can tear duct tape
    to any width you need.  You jussss cain't do that with that 'letricle
    tape.
    
    But what do I know?
    
    
    Gin

>    I like duct tape better than electrical tape.  You can tear duct tape
>    to any width you need.  You jussss cain't do that with that 'letricle
>    tape.
    
Electrical tape has just the right amount of "stick" to use to tape
back your ears.  It's also black, which is a manly color which looks good
when you play rugby.

I do know guys who use white athletic tape, but electrical tape looks
better.


The only known use of duct tape that I've ever heard of in rugby is
a college kid who had a busted foot.  He put his boot on, taped his
laces with athletic tape (a common practice, since the ref won't give
you a minute to tie your boots) and then wrapped his entire foot
and ankle with duct tape.

I guess he almost lost his foot since he cut the circulation off, it
was so tight.....



> But what do I know?

How to properly apply a stallion ring?


'Saw

Jake,

I have a problem.


I wore a tie to work today, well, actually, I wore a tie to the funeral
this morning, and then came into work with it on.   Now everyone is making
fun of me.

Everyone always says that if you wear a tie you're being professional,
and it engenders respect.   I'm wearing a tie and no one respects me.


I'm thinking of quitting, and going and taking the firefighters test, and
working with real people who know the value of wearing a t-shirt and
workpants to work, instead of an outdated, out-moded bib....


Sign me, 
Fit to be tied......

'Saw

    
    Saw,
    
    Didn't you say yesterday that only dorks wear ties?  
    
    Brews, who usually wears one, but not today.

>    
>    Didn't you say yesterday that only dorks wear ties?  
>    

Yeah, but there's really two occasions that I can think of where a tie,
no matter how archaic or out-moded, is a necessity.

One is a job interview, where, let's face it, the dork across from you
who is hiring you is probably pretty useless (else why would he be 
hiring someone instead of doing the job himself) and he's got a tie on,
so you need to have one on.

The other is a funeral, which is the occasion I had yesterday.


Actually, right now I do not own a suit.  Since I started working out
I've not had one that fits, and I gave all of my suits (which were actually
fairly fine suits) to my dad, who is now the best dressed retired guy
I know.   My dad has been the beneficiary of me working out, actually, 
as he now has pairs and pairs of jeans, and more shirts than you can
imagine, all from me.  8^)    So I should probably get a suit, just
in case someone I know dies this winter.....


'Saw

    I have to wear a tie every day.  I've gotten used to it, but show my
    rebellious side by wearing loud ties rather than the K-mart clip ons.
    
    John "D Cowboys" R.

    I wear tie, just not to work and not around my neck and not really in
    the fashion they were design for.
    
    Jake help me!!
    
    Why do I find it necessary to tell complete stranges about my strange
    behavior?
    
    Gin

    I have a plastic, Don Nelson special, fish clipon tie I wear on
    occasion.  Plus other assorted ones from when we used to have "ugly
    tie" day at Burroughs.  My favorite was the fluorescent pink narrow
    tie with black salamanders crawling up it...
    

    
    >>  <<< Note 47.338 by SWAM2::MASSEY_VI "I like FrankiesFurter best." >>>
    >>                      -< I know, I need a life. >-

    >>I wear tie, just not to work and not around my neck and not really in
    >>the fashion they were design for.
    
    >>Jake help me!!
    
    I think this calls fer some "field investigation", so's I can see
    watchure use fer the ties really is!!!!  
    
    Be there as fast as my little hunkajunk'll carry me.  Watchure
    address??
    
    
    JaKe
    

    re: .339
    
    Yeah I had one of those ties as well. Would wear it with a balck&red
    plaid blazer; looked truly hideous. This was at some dress-as-you-want
    days at a consulting firm I used to work for.
    
    The Crazy Met
    

Jake,

I've got a friend who's a little weird.  Well, make that a lot weird.

Anyway, the dude is having some severe problems -- he's not eating, 
not sleeping, he wears his pajamas around under a grubby old bathrobe
and he's constantly scratching at his nuts, whether anyone can see or
not.  His hair is greasy, there's dirt under his fingernails, and he's
got a pretty good growth of beard growing in....

First off, I figure it's a woman problem -- either one dumped him, or
one won't talk to him, or somethin' like that....

So I ask him, "What's the problem?"

He looks me square in the eye, and says

		
		Does anal retentive have a hyphen?



Jake, can you help me on this one?  If I can give him an answer from you,
it might help him find the straight and narrow again, help him clean
himself up and keep his hands outta his pants, and become a productive
member of society again......


'Saw

|>and he's constantly scratching at his nuts, whether anyone can see or
|                                       ----
|    You must mean filberts, 'Saw.  Don't want ya to get in any trouble.


Oh, excuse me, I forgot.

Yes, he scratches at his filberts constantly.....


'Saw    
    

    I thought you studs called em your `Boys'.
    
    go figure.
    
    

    Well obviously 'Saw is not a 'stud'
    
    The Crazy Met
    

I call 'em my boys.

But HE doesn't.  He calls him his "nuts"...(sorry Karen, but it's a direct
quote)

Filberts is a Kinder, Gentler, SPORTS expression for tes-ti-kals!


'Saw

    He may not be a stud now, but he will be.
    
    
    

>
>    He may not be a stud now, but he will be.
>    

Better send out that stallion ring then......

    
    

    Nope, don't want to stop it, just control it.
    
    Gin

    Nah, 'Saw, anal retentive does NOT have to be hyphenated.
    
    If that's all that's buggin him, maybe you should take him to the Magic
    Lantern some night, even get him a t-shirt, ya know???
    
    Maybe "she" told him she was leaving him because he was anal retentive,
    and he's just trying to figger out how to spell it in the note, so when
    he goes to the local university, takes perch in the bell tower and
    wastes 44 people before taking one himself between the eyes, at least
    he'll go knowing he wasn't using poor grammar.
    
    (8^)
    
    JaKe
    

    Wow, such insight!
    

    Ok, I'll try to ask someone "objective".
    
    Whaddya think Jake?  He's been bugging me about this bet since he's
    been sore about losing the Rodman bet.  I told him worry about it when
    the time comes.  To quote him in 113.75 "Hey we still got 2 weeks,
    what's the rush".  Now all of a sudden, he wants to go against the line
    instead of straight up, like a real main's bet.  I even said I'd go half 
    way and give him four.  Now that's still not good enough for him.  He's
    afraid the "Pussycats" (see 113.0) are gonna stomp on 'em and in RedSox
    tradition "close is good enough"?  in .57 he claimed it'd be a
    "PatriotBlowoutBash"
    
    Who should give in on this? Sounds like he's on the retreat and blowing
    more smoke than a Ron Howard fireman movie.
    
                                               

    Walt,
    
    1. what was the Rodman bet
    
    2. clarify the debate on this bet
    
    If anyone is qualified to be objective about p_name bets it is moi.
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    We bet on the last Celts-Pistons playoff series... Celts win I wear
    a Bird hat at a Fenway gathering.  Pistons win, he wears a Rodman
    t-shirt.  Pistons won, he wore the shirt.  No odds, points, etc...
    
    he's been wanting payback for a while.  He asked me early in the
    summer about this and I told him I wasn't ready to think football
    yet.  Not no, just no ready.  Then he asks and throws the spread
    into it...  he didn't say "Detriot, laying 7" this summer...

    Walt, 
    
    Methinks he realizes that, even with Big Bill in charge of the team,
    they're still pretty damned lousy a team.  It'll take 3 year to purge
    this bunch of losers from the PAtsies.
    
    Make him take it straight up if he's so damned sure of hisself, or
    offer him the 4 one more time, and if he balks, don't wager.  he'd
    probably welch on it anyways.
    
    JaKe
    

>    Nah, 'Saw, anal retentive does NOT have to be hyphenated.

Cool.
    
>    If that's all that's buggin him, maybe you should take him to the Magic
>    Lantern some night, even get him a t-shirt, ya know???

Nah, he'd probably sit there scratching his {boys,filberts,nuts}
and get us tossed


'Saw    

    Words of wisdom, as always, JaKe. But, "discussions" such as these 
    over football games traditionally do include the spread.
    
    The Crazy Met
    

    TCY,
    
    Spread this, dingleberry.
    
    JaKe
    

    The offer for 4 points is still open.  On principle and being REAL
    Mainly main, he shouldn't get that... it is in Foxboro... but if he
    wants 4, I'll give him 4...
    

    re.361
    
    If that's the case, take it back to 113.* and hash it out.
    
    Like I said, be careful he don't welsh.
    
    JaKe
    

Why don't you guys just arm-wrestle or something?


'Saw

    Cuz Yoseff's on /Don's side and we know what he did to Cathmeister.
    /Don might use him as a pinch hitter.
    
    I came to you JaKe as the be all and end all...

    >> <<< Note 47.364 by ROYALT::ASHE "VP Secret Service codename -Buttafuoco" >>>

    >>Cuz Yoseff's on /Don's side and we know what he did to Cathmeister.
    
    Yeah, but what Kev did to Cathmeister was worse, wasn't it????
    
    
    >>I came to you JaKe as the be all and end all...
    
    Is this sorta like calling me the high and exalted one?????
    
    One what, that is????
    
    

    Yeah, but that chapter's closed, so I'm not worried about that...
    
    I figured even if you weren't, you'd make a fair decision...
    I ain't kissing your butt but so far on this one...
    

    I'm not on /er's side, I'm making an objective decision.
    
    Walt, answer this: would you have let Cathmeister win? Pretend that you
    are in that no win situation, what would you do?
    
    The Crazy Met
    

>    Walt, answer this: would you have let Cathmeister win? Pretend that you
>    are in that no win situation, what would you do?
    


		Fight the horde, sing and cry
		'Valhalla I am coming....'


'Saw

    I'd let her win... it was all a joke anyway... yeah, I'd have thrown
    it...
    

who cares what vegas would say. I say you're yellower than MorT......

;60

Jake, now that SCO has cut the prices of Alphas in half, will the sales
folks be able to sell them????????

mike

    Depends on if you went to the window now or before...
    

>
>    Depends on if you went to the window now or before...
>    


If I go to the window with my Depends on?  I don't even wear Depends.....

Jake,

I've got a problem.


I'm thinking of packing it all in, and putting all my hopes and dreams
on the line and taking the firefighter's test in Hartford.   I want
some excitement in my life, and I miss eating smoke and feeling my
eyes burn and tear up.

As Ronnie Van Zant used to say in the song 'Searchin', 

	"Lord, I'm not satisfied"


Now, I know I'd have to lose a few pounds more, but I know I could
carry that 135 pound dummy anywhere they want, and it's been a while
since I've had to hump hose, but I know I could do that too.  I haven't
pulled a ceiling in a while either, but it's like riding a bike -- you
don't forget.


My question isn't whether I should do it -- I still have to decide about
that, but my question for you is this:  

	I'm going to be 35 soon.  Is THIS dilemma a mid-life crisis?



thanks Jake,
'Saw


PS  To answer my question you have to be Jake, not Frank....

    
>>Now, I know I'd have to lose a few pounds more, but I know I could
>>carry that 135 pound dummy anywhere they want
    
    What's Kev got to do with this????
    
    
>>	I'm going to be 35 soon.  Is THIS dilemma a mid-life crisis?
    
    Very possibly.  Mid-life crisis cain strike anytime after 30 yrs old. 
    Unless yer a dog, then it cain strike anytime after 4.
    
    If ya been going thru tons of stressed out pressure filled work
    recently, that could be the cause.  But remember, the grass is always
    greener......'specially where they dump fertilizer.
    
    Schnorttt Schittt Schleppps
    
    JaKe
    

    
>>on the line and taking the firefighter's test in Hartford.   I want
                  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    
    1.  close your eyes, stick your hands thru the two holes in the wall,
    which is in the fire, and which is in the ice????
    
    
    Scoring:  1 right, you is a fireman in training
    	      0 right, you still may be a fireman in training, just take
    the test again.
    
    Is this how this test works??
    
    What piece of paper is on fire, and which is not??
    
    JaKe
    

>    Is this how this test works??
    
Nah.

They have a classroom part, and then a physical test.

You've got to carry this 135 lb dummy around, up ladders and stuff like
that, and what-not.

Then you go to school, and you're called a Probie (short for Probationary
Member).

After that, you're a full-fledged firefighter.




	"Firefighting is COOL"

			- Beavis    

	Hey RaKe, why does everybody want to "Free Willy".  Personally I 
hate whales.  What do they do besides emit whale flatulence and beach 
themselves?  Whales are stoopid, ugly and destructive.  There's only one 
sports team that uses a whale for a logo, and we know how hopeless they are.
Why do people spend inordinate amounts of time trying to save these 
pathetic creatures, vainly attempting to reverse Darwin's theory of survival 
of the fittest?  The hell with Willy!  Let's cut him up for the only 
worthwhile thing he has, blubber.

				/Don

>pathetic creatures, vainly attempting to reverse Darwin's theory of survival 
>of the fittest?  The hell with Willy!  Let's cut him up for the only 
    
    If they're reversing the theory, maybe it's the theory that has a
    problem.

   Actually, contrary to popular belief, Darwin did *not* coin the
  phrase "survival of the fittest".


  BTW - I'm producing a new movie about a young boy who becomes pen 
        pals with a convict. When the convict gets out he finds the
        kid and beats him to death. I'm gonna call it, "Free Willie
        Horton". It'll be the feel good movie of the year.

 >   I'm producing a new movie about a young boy who becomes pen        
 >   pals with a convict. When the convict gets out he finds the        kid
 >   and beats him to death.
    
    If the kid is played my McCauley Caulkin, and you don't allow any
    pulled punches or stunt doubles, I'll be the first standing in line.
    
    brews

>    If the kid is played my McCauley Caulkin, and you don't allow any
>    pulled punches or stunt doubles, I'll be the first standing in line.
    
McCauley is going to be playing a bad boy in the new movie 'The Good Son'.
The boy who plays opposite him is the older brother from 'Radio Flyer',
which is a favorite of mine....


I'd rather watch Sarah Jessica Parker than little kids anyday....


'Saw

Jake,

I've got a BIG problem.  And I mean a BIG problem.


See I have this friend, of the female persuasion, from New Jersey. 
And she's coming up this weekend, for a nice weekend of, well, of, 
um, uh, er, for the weekend.....


And I have this other friend, of the female persuasion, from California.
And she's flying out this weekend, for a nice weekend of, well, of, 
um, uh, er, for the weekend.....


I guess I must've messed up my dates, and now I'm in a predicament.
I mean, in a couple of hours I'm gonna "have more pretty women
than a passenger train can haul"  (T For Texas, Jake) showing up
at my house.


What do I do?  Which one do I send to a hotel?  Which one do I ask
to stay?

Or do I ask them both to stay and get into one of them french menagerie
things?


HELP!!!!!


'Saw

    Let them both stay and you go to the hotel.

 'Saw, I hope you're not really prepared to act according to any advice
 that Jake gives you.

    I've got the weekend free... nah, never mind... 

C'mon Saw weve all seen this done on the sitcoms every week. Just keep running
between bedrooms changing your outfit in the hallway bathroom in-between the 2 
rooms. 


On a serious note I heard that a Oregon company is gonna make paper condoms. 
This should make the statement paper or plastic more interesting. 

Jeff 

    
    
         Can I come over Saw? My Wifes Pregnant so I uh er.. like to watch.
    
    
    Chappy

    
>>What do I do?  Which one do I send to a hotel?  Which one do I ask
>>to stay?

>>Or do I ask them both to stay and get into one of them french menagerie
>>things?
    
    Introduce them to each other, take them out to dinner, out fer drinks
    and drinks and drinks afterwards, and stock up on pep pills, cause if
    things go well, it'll be a weekend of "I & I" like ya never had before.
    
    Schnorttt Shcittt Schleppps
    
    JaKe
    

    Slasher,
    
    Kwit yer blubbering, it's only a "G" movie and stands nothinglike real
    life anyways.
    
    BTW, when I was stationed in England, to "Free Willy" had implications
    mucho different thatn letting a whale go.  Especially if'n ya had a few
    beers and wanted to "Empty Willy", ya know??
    
    JaKe
    

    Met this really nice and attractive woman a couple of weeks ago.  Think
    we might be going out to play some tennis this weekend, weather
    permitting.
    
    Now, on the one hand, based on the name, people expect me to go out
    and kick serious tail.  On the other hand, it sounds like she's a
    beginner and I'd hate to humiliate her.  Last time I used this as a
    way to get to know a woman better, it was my fault and a poor attempt
    at love.  Of course, she had an attitude about how she thought she
    could whup any guy that faced her and I had to set her straight.  But
    other times, women can tell you're throwing games to make them feel
    better.  Any ideas?
    

>         Can I come over Saw? My Wifes Pregnant so I uh er.. like to watch.
    
    I missed the significance of this.  Why can't you perform your mainly
    duties while your wife is pregnant?  There's a grand opportunity here,
    especially in the first trimester where those raging hormones tip the
    "want" scale.

    Walt, play a game you're no good at and one that she is good at.  Then 
    it will be obvious that she whupped you for good.

    Not sure what that is yet... trying to find out...
    Maybe I can coach her and see how her form is...
    

    
    >>I missed the significance of this.  Why can't you perform your mainly
    >>duties while your wife is pregnant?  There's a grand opportunity here,
    >>especially in the first trimester where those raging hormones tip the
    >>"want" scale.
    
    Not everybody has "regular" style pregnancies, Mike.
    
    I don't know his situation, but a friend of my wife's is 10 weeks
    along, and she has problems carrying the kids, and the doctor told them
    absolutely NO NOOKIE fer the rest of the pregnancy, cause it may
    disturb the "moorings" of the little one to be.
    
    Schnortt Schitt Schlepps
    
    JaKe
    

Walt,

Sprain your ankle this afternoon and beg out of the tennis match. You can't
win. If you lose, she'll either think you threw it or that you are a faux Ashe.
If you win you'll be seen as a brute.

Go play golf instead where everybody can stink and you're playing against
yourself instead of each other...or play mini-golf where it's a fun activity
instead of a competition...

Or even better go throw a frisbee around and have a picnic and drink cheap
wine...

Metz

    Or better yet, get her to play "indoor golf" with ya.
    
    Don't have the rules handy, but I thinks ya gets the picture.
    
    JaKe
    

    
    Yabbut if she catches ya playin' "pocket pool" she'll definitely
    think yer weird and it'll be the lasted ya see of her.  Would that
    be a blessing????
    
    AND, regarding the "prego-nookie" play, @16-17 weeks, I still gets it
    but with plenty o' comments about squashin da bun in da oven.
    
    BTW, did I mention that the bun's gonna wear pink?  ;^)
    
    I remain,
    very happy but very,very ignorant about what to do with a daughter
    Kev
    

    Guess t-ball is out and softball is in?  Or is this an effeminent (sp?)
    little boy?
    
    I haven't seen her play tennis, so I don't know what her "form" is.
    
    If I sprain an ankle, how the heck can I go run after a frisbee...
    
    Looks like rain tomorrow anyway, the point may be moot...
    

    'Saw, send both of them to hotels but make sure they are not in the
    same one.  That way you can go see either one without running into the
    other.  
    
    BTW, you may want to eat extra mangoes this weekend.
    
    John "D Cowboys" R.

    But make sure your mango is nice and ripe.
    
    NAZZ

    But can he pick his own mangoes or does someone need to pick it out
    for him?
    

    ..I actually think he might have to go below the equator to find them,
    but he better know what he's doing or else he;ll get the tap or even
    worse the hook.
    
    John "D Cowboys" R.

    -1, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Cowboy, the "tap" or "hook" indeed.
    
    MikeL
    
    P.S. Did Kramer git satisfaction??
    
    

    I bet Saw faked it...

    
    Yabbut JaKe, I'm having problems with the Georgetown University
    Admission Test.  Can you help me with some of the answers?
    
    t'anks
    
    I remain,
    a student wannabee!
    Kev
    
    
===============================================================================
		      Georgetown University Admissions Test
				      and
    			Basketball Team Application Form
    

Name:______________________________________  Gang: ______________________



1. Johnny has an AK47 with a 40 round clip.  If he misses 6 out of 10 shots
and shots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings
can he attend before he has to reload?

2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jackson for $320
and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per grams.  What is the street value of the balance
of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?

3. Rufus is pimping for three girls.  If the price is $65 for each trick, how
many tricks will each have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day
crack habit?

4. Jarome wants to cut his 1/2 pound of heroin to make 20% more profit.  How
many ounces of cut will he need?

5. Willis gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and $100 for a 4x4.
If he has stolen 2 BMWs and 3 4x4s, how many chevy's will he have to 
steal to make $800?

6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder.  He got $10,000 for the hit.  If 
his common law wife is spending $100 per month, how much money will be left 
when he gets out of prison and how many years will he get for killing the bitch
that spent his money?

7. If the average spray can covers 22 square feet and the average letter is
8 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans of paint?

8. Hector knocked up 6 girls in his gang.  There are 27 girls in the gang.
What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?

    I have a mango tree in my back yard.  I seen them all over northern
    Mexico and southern California as well.  

    Is it racist tosay that's the funniest thing I've read in ages?
    
    NAZZ

    What about Mangoes?
    
    Sounds more like a Univ. of Miami application right now...
    

    	Reads like a job application for Tinkum's in Leominster.
    
    				/Don

  That's worse than bigoted, it's not funny.

    Roooooooooooooooooollward you 135 pound dummy!!
    
    (8^)
    
    JaKe
    

    
    Yabbut excuuuuussse me!
    
    *I* happen to be 124 pounds.  I think Bob McCullough is the 135 pound
    dummy
    
    ;^)
    
    I remain,
    the same for over 15 years!
    Kev
    

JaKe,

I read with interest an article in my Sunday newspaper about the "sport"
of catfish grappling.  It should be pointed out that this article was
_NOT_ in the SPORTS section, and hence my question:

"Is Catfish Grappling a SPORT?"

What *is* catfish grappling you axe?  Well it's a time-honored activity
that is seemingly only practiced in Mississippi and involves the placement
of bathtubs into catfish nesting grounds.  The catfish then make their home
in the bathtubs and grow quite large.  The _average_ size is around 40-50
pounds.  The record is somewhere in the vicinity of 95 pounds.

Now for the fun part.  The catfish grappler swims down to the bathtub, 
operating completely by touch, since these waters are so muddy you can't
see the hand in front of yer face.  When he discovers a tub with somebody
home, he stations himself completely in front, so when the fish bolts
(and he will bolt) he'll swim smack into him.  At this point he *quickly*
inserts his entire arm into the catfishes mouth, essentially providing
part of himself as bait.  Only in this manner (i.e. arm in mouth) is it
possible to "grapple" the critter to the surface, since trying to hold onto
a slimmy fish of this size is a bit unwieldy to say the least.

A few other interesting tidbits:

o Apparently the would-be grappler is aided in finding the submerged bathtubs
  by a low growling noise the huge tabby makes when they hear a potential
  intruder;

o The sport has gone through a "boom" of sorts thanks to the use of scuba
  diving equipment.  In the old days it'd just be you and the fish - none
  of this fancy high technology.

o Catfish do have teeth, but they're small and dull.


Waiting anxiously,


- ACC Chris
    

    	If you can bet on it the activity is a sport, if not it's a hobby.
    
    				/Don_for_RaKe

    
    Yabbut if'n ya play with da wiskas on da catfish, cain ya poke
    yer eye out?
    
    I remain,
    wondering why my mother never told me...
    Kev
    

      Wouldn't it be easier to catch them with chicken liver or other stink
    bait?  Its bad enough having to "clean" fishies,  but to stick your
    hand down their gull?
    
      Tim

    If in "Casey at the Bat" men were at second and third... why didn't
    they pitch around Casey?

    I gots a qualifier there Chris,
    
    Afore JaKe cain answer, how much Tennessee Sour Mash needs to
    be consumed before these "sportsters" arm wrassle these here
    fish to the surface? 
    
    MikeL
    

    
    > If in "Casey at the Bat" men were at second and third... why didn't
    > they pitch around Casey?
    
    Unless you're Butch Hobson, you never ever put the winning run on base
    intentionally...
    
    glenn
    

    
    
           Walt wouldn't the story than be. "Casey at First" or "Casey
    intentionally walked"?
    
    
    
    Just wondering?
    
    Chappy

    No, it just ends early...
    
    What if the on deck hitter was lousy... do we know anything about him?
    Say it was Rob Deer?  Master of the Whiff...
    

    re: MikeL
    
    An interesting follow-up question but I believe we're putting the cart
    before the horse since JaKe hasn't officially recognized Catfish
    Grappling as SPORT.
    
    
    - ACC Chris

    I dunno if it truly cain qualify as a sport.  Now, if'n the Grappler
    was to get the grapplee wif, say, impaled wif his appendage(Look Ma, no
    hands) then it could be a sport(and Jimmy Swaggart would probably
    play).
    
    Also, I think the grapplers MUST consume a large amount of spirits
    afore heading into the unknown, and fighting in the fish's back yard.
    
    JaKe
    

Is catfish grappling anything like shooting white doves in the shower?    

Jerry

    
    >>shooting white doves in the shower?    
    
    
    Huh????  Never heard this one before.
    
    JaKe
    

    Now that everyone else answered my question, could JaKe answer the
    "Casey at the bat" question?

    
    >>If in "Casey at the Bat" men were at second and third... why didn't
    >>they pitch around Casey?
    
    Well, all of the good reasons have already been stated:
    
    -NEVER put the winning run on base
    -if he'd been put on, Casey at the Bat would've never been written
    -He was having a bad hair day
    -Casey wasn't all he was cracked up to be
    -his girlfriend Margo was in the stands, wearing no undies, flashing
     him and the other team knew this, and decided to pitch to him cause
     they knew where his mind was REALLY at
    
    
    Schnortt Schitt Schlepps
    
    JaKe
    

    
    Yabbut JaKe, I know you have a sorta_automotive background so....
    
    Which came first?
    
    
    	Found			Frequently		Fix
    	On		or	Overhauled	or	Or
    	Road			Rarely			Repair
    	Dead			Driven			Daily
    
    
    
    I remain,
    a Chevy guy myself!
    Kev
    
    
    

Kev,

Down these ways, when it gets nice and quiet at night, you can hear them
chevies rust ;-).

TTom

Kev, on quiet nights, you can hear Chevy's rusting....

daryll

Notes collision! Uncanny too.

    
    Yabbut
    
    	Mustangs RUST
    
    	'Vettes  DON'T RUST!
    
    
    nuff said!
    
    I remain,
    metallurgically correct!
    Kev
    

Bzzzt, try again Kev. 

Vettes do rust.

daryll

    
    Jake,
    
    Was is this latest thing with "bzzzzt, wrong answer!...?"  Did I miss a
    critical class in Modern Cliche' or sumfin?  Is there some show on Fox
    I don't watch that I should?
    
    brews

Brews,

I was hot in ::SOAPBOX during the titanic struggles of the thumpers
versus the doomed to hell crowd. At least that's where I first saw it.

Someone started it and now you see it all over the network.

TTom

    
    > "bzzzzt, wrong answer!"
    
    Die Hard, where the "hero" says "bzzzzt, wrong answer!  Do you care to
    play double jeopardy where the scores can really change?"  and it
    replayed on TV recently.
    
    Marc
    

    Actually Kev, the one which came first was
    
    F__king
    Old
    Rebuilt
    Dodge
    
    
    (As I drive my Tempo to and from work)
    
    JaKe
    

    Of course Stangs are rust bucket, they are made with good ole American
    Steel.  My Stang is a bit rusty but it beats them fiberglass deathtraps
    every time!!!
    
    
    Gin

    
    >>Of course Stangs are rust bucket, they are made with good ole American
    >>Steel.  My Stang is a bit rusty but it beats them fiberglass deathtraps
    >>every time!!!
    
    One fo the funniest(fer me, not him) things I saw beside the road was
    this guy, standing beside a hull of a vahicle which HAD BEEN a
    Corvette, circa 61-63, and was now just the support mechanism from
    where the fibeerglass used to be.  The car had been coming up the road,
    thrown a wheel, spun and spun and spun, all the time taking out a row
    of guardrail with the fiberglass, er should I say, losing it's
    fiberglass in a battle with the guardrail.
    
    The guy WAS crying at the sight of what USED TO BE a nice car worth
    mucho bucks.
    
    JaKe
    

    JaKe's just a sensitive kind of guy.
    
    The Crazy Met
    

When we used to do rescue work on wreck on Rt 2 in Glastonbury (and the
stretch between exit 10 and 12 is a deadly stretch of road) we used to 
love to work on little import cars, because the Hurst Tool would slide
through that thin metal like butter.

American cars were tougher, especially around the doorposts and stuff like
that.

Never had to work on a 'vette though.  Nothing the Hurst could do with
fiberglass I would think.....


'Saw

    
    >>	'Vettes  DON'T RUST!
    
    Kev
    
    As somebody stated back somewhere, yer statement is WRONGO!!!!!
    
    'Vettes, especially in the late '60s and early 70's were highly
    susceptible to the frames rotting away, in vewwwwwwy short time.
    
    and it ain't fun replacing one of them puppies, either.
    
    JaKe
    

    
    Yabbut wail, mebbe I'll defer to you JaKester as a_expert and
    mebbe 'vettes *could* rust but I gotsta say that
    
    
    
    
    		MUSTANGS RUST *FASTER*!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    ;^)
    
    I remain,
    attempting to start a new kind of LDUC!
    Kev
    

    
    JaKe,
    
    all dat action in da hunting note got me to a_thinkin and I was wonder
    and was hopping you could halp me.
    
    Ya see, in my backyard we gots this squirrel.  I don't like him and I
    wanna hunt him dead!  Do you know when squirrel hunting season starts?
    
    Also, being a main of peaceful means, I don't own killer type guns BUT
    I have a sling shot.  Other than the fact that sling shots are illegal
    in Massatwochits (true fact btw), is it OK to hunt squirrels with them.
    Got any advice on the best was to kill the critter and yet, not have
    the local constibulary haul my butt off to the mandatory 1 year in da
    slammer?
    
    I remain,
    not the criminal type but none the less, a criminal, I guess
    Kev
    

    Kev.
    
    I would use a shot gun myself.  Just aim and shoot.  You don't even
    have to take it in for processing.
    
    Gin
    
    

    Well, the best way, IMHO is to gas them to death.
    
    Dress up as a tree(WEAR NOTHING UNDER THE TREE COSTUME, this is key).
    
    Have a knothole about 3 feet off of the ground...er...in yer case
    shorty, about 2 feet.  Make sure that the night before, you drink lots
    of Genesee Cream Ale, eat lots of hard boiled eggs, a pound or so of
    peanuts, some nackos wif jalapenos, a coule of tacos or so.
    
    Get out in the yard in yer tree costume, stand very still, although ya
    cain sway with the wind from time to time.  When the little puke of a
    critter climbs yer leg...er...stump...er...trunk, goes thru the hole to
    retrieve yer nuts, slap a rag in the hole and let the gas fly.  The
    critter will be daid in a matter of seconds.
    
    Give the daid aminal to some hunter type, and laugh quietly to yerself
    when he tells ya nexted time he sees ya that that was the best tasting
    squirrel he ever et.
    
    JaKe
    

    
    Yabbut Gin,
    
    I already said I didn't own a serious killer type gun so that's not
    a_option.  Got any more ideas?
    
    Besides, if I did it your way, I wouldn't be able to fire up the ol'
    bass-o-matic!
    
    I remain,
    liking the silence of sling-shots.  Shot guns make too much noise.
    Kev
    

    Dear JaKe,
    
    Is there a toenail fairy?  I'd rather not risk Gail's wrath putting it
    under the pillow without there being some reasonable expectation of reward.
    
    Sid

    Hey Sid watcha doin' notin' so late; that is my domain :-)
    
    The Crazy Met
    

	Send any and all spare squirrels to Merrimack, New Hampshire.  The 
	dozen or so Oak trees in my yard have a bumper crop of acorns this
	year.  Nairy a squirrel to be seen.  Rakin' these thangs up ain't
	fun neither.  

	If'n them little furry buggers don't get to work soon I'm gonna hafta 
	fire up the old McCullough.  (Not you, =bob=, the chainsaw.)

	I wonder if'n you can hire squirrels.  Kinda like small furry
	migrant workers.


	billl

>	fire up the old McCullough.  (Not you, =bob=, the chainsaw.)
                                                      ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Anytime, babe... anytime....;^) ;^)



My squirrels are out in force.  Every once in a while the wolf_dog catches
one.  He'll lay there real quiet like, and wait for one to run along
the low rail of the fence, by him.  SNAP, and it's all over.....


'Saw

Ah'd never hurt a po' defenseless squirrel...

=Bob=

    Hmm, no other ideas cept to get a possum.  They like squirls, cats,
    small dogs...........
    
    Gin

    Is there a Digital office in Australia?  If so, what is the site code
    and the DTN?  I can't find it anywhere.....
    
    
    Gin

Pick a city and there's a_office. In fact there's a couple three pages of
offices.

TTom

>                   -< But how do you get rid of the possum? >-

A wolf-dog.

He's good with squirrels, possum, woodchucks.   He's been skunked twice
but came up empty-handed.....


'Saw

    Gin,
    
    Give me a ring on the Digital Australia issue.  My DTN is 244-6676.
    I could probably help you out.  
    
    John "D Cowboys" R.
    

SNO and STL are the Sydney Australia site codes....

    Thanks for the Aussie info.  
    
    I found the page in the Directory.  I must be a bit blonde today.
    
    
    Gin
    
    Look out world, I found a Dallas ally!!!
    
    
    

    
    >>Dear JaKe,
    
    >>Is there a toenail fairy?  I'd rather not risk Gail's wrath putting it
    >>under the pillow without there being some reasonable expectation of reward.
    
    >>Sid
    
    NOpe, no toenail fairy.  Toenails are meant to be chewed off and spit
    on the floor so's when ya gots to take a leak at 3 am ya step on it and
    it feels like ya steppen on a freakin knitting needle.
    
    Schnortt Schitt Schlepps
    
    JaKe
    

    Ahhh, JaKe, you misunderstand.  I'm not talking about toenail
    *clippings*.  I'm talking about the whole bloody nail.  I lost the one
    from the big toe on my left foot last night, and I expect to lose 3
    more over the next couple weeks.
    
    TCM, you'd be amazed what other lowlifes are sneaking around at the wee
    hours of the morning.  You're not alone.  As a police officer in
    Houston said to me to encourage me to find some other place to be: 
    "Once the sun goes down, the rats and cockroaches come out."
    
    And Gin, in case you're still not satisfied with whatever you needed
    about Australia, there's a notes conference (of course) dedicated to
    the lands down under at QUOKKA::OZ (KP7 and all that jazz).
    
    Sid

    
    >>Ahhh, JaKe, you misunderstand.  I'm not talking about toenail
    >>*clippings*.  I'm talking about the whole bloody nail.  I lost the one
    >>from the big toe on my left foot last night, and I expect to lose 3
    >>more over the next couple weeks.
    
    Geez Sid, why didn'tcha tell me that in the firsted place.
    
    That's not just a toe nail, that's a prankster toenail.
    
    Save that puppy, and all subsequent losses that ya say are imminent. 
    Wait til the time is right, like when ya go to an Italian restaurant,
    er somewhere that serves mashed potatos.  When Gail ain't looking, slip
    them things onto the top of her potatos, or on her pasta, and as soon
    as she looks back, give a big EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWW!!!  Lookit there.
    
    Bet you cain eat free fer life at that place(although she'll never
    accompany ya again) after the waiter, Maitre De, chef, dishwasher,
    owner, owner's mother etc. apologize to ya.
    
    Not as good as the time the guy put his false eye in his blind date's
    mashed potatos, but almost as effective.
    
    BTW, be prepared to get the "silent treatment" fer a while.  Small
    price to pay fer such results, though.
    
    JaKe
    

Sid

I'm running a "mere" marathon thised weekend.  I ususually lose a couple of 
toenails doing this myself.  Perhaps we could start a toenail exchange, and
mail them to one another.  Or maybe we could start a toenail bank for the 
toenail challenged.

=Bob=

    re: .-2  (JaKe)
    
    I knew this was the right place to ask.
    
    re: .-1  (=Bob=)
    
    Send me your address and we can get this exchange thing going.  It'd be
    better than nothing.  I got stiffed by the fairy (bet nobody's game to
    touch that one!).
    
    When's the marathon?  When I'm still too injured to actually run in a
    race, I get vicarious thrills following a race in absentia, thinking
    about what I would expect some other runner to be feeling at the
    various points of the race; e.g., if it's an hour and a half into the
    marathon, I'll figure you're at about mile 15 and still feeling fine,
    but steeling for the more interesting miles just ahead.  At the risk of
    sounding too cosmic, I sometimes think that someone else's positive
    vibes at the right times can make a difference.  Anyway, have fun and
    don't throw your toenails away.
    
    Sid

Sid 

Set your alarm clock, the race starts at 8:00 AM EDT.  

I have no great plans for this one, just hopign to get a buddy of mine in at 
under 3:15 (that's three hours, not three days).  There is supposed to be a 
hill in this one at 13 miles, so be sending those vibes at aroun 9:30 or so. 

I'll have to bring a special jar for my toenails.  I remeber being devastated 
as a small boy, wehn my older sister told me there was no toenail fairy.

=Bob=

    
    JaKe,
    
    Ah needs a_answer to thisted question.
    
    Remember Digger_the_Goat_dawg?  Well, at night when I walk around the
    yard, I'm always stepping in his land mines.  :*(
    Plus Carol doesn't appreciate the smell or stains on the rugs.
    
    So, anyway, I'm thinking of breaking upen one of those "glo stick"
    thingies and putting it in da_goat_dawgs food supply.  Ya see
    I think that when it comes out the other end, the land mines will glow
    and I can avoid stepping in deep doo doo!  
    
    Ya know if that glow stuff is toxic?
    
    I remain,
    Macgyvering around the land mine
    Kev
    

    
    Jake,
    
    	Why is Kev so goofy?
    
    Claybone

    
    >>Ya know if that glow stuff is toxic?
    
    Don't think it is to HUMANS, but to digger, it'd probably not only make
    his "land mines" glow, but it'd probably change the boquet of them so
    that it'd warn people fer about 1/2 mile that there was something in
    the area worse than a skunk.  Ya know, NUCLEAR TURDS!!!!!!
    
    Schnorttt Schittt Schlepps
    
    JaKe
    

    
    >>Jake,
    
    >>	Why is Kev so goofy?
    
    Me thinks it may be from the effect of too much contact with
    Digger-Da-Goat-Dog's soon to be nuclear droppings.
    
    SOundl logical too me.
    
    JaKe
    

> I have no great plans for this one, just hopign to get a buddy of mine in at 
> under 3:15 (that's three hours, not three days).  There is supposed to be a 
> hill in this one at 13 miles, so be sending those vibes at aroun 9:30 or so. 
    
    So, how did it go?  I sent vibes at 9:33 for the hill and 11:07 for the
    final push.  Hope they helped.
    
    Sid

    The wife turns 40 this Wednesday, Should I get some black condoms that
    glow in the dark to celebrate her birthday?
    
    REK

    re.482
    
    I didn't know they made black ones that glow in the dark.  Get the
    edible condoms and edible stuff fer her too.  
    
    JaKe
    

    
    Does a 3:25:40 count as a 3:25?
    
    sign me,
    confused, but not dazed

    I have a BIL that works as a counselor in a juvie detention center.  He
    mentioned the other day that it seems every kid in there is named Josh,
    Eli, or Jake.  Be sure you fathers-to-be cross out these names from the
    list.
    
    Jake were you ever in prison? ;-)

    Re:487 Dunno if Jake was ever in the joint, BUT some of the things he
    puts in here is a crime and he should be put in prison!!!! :-}
    
    REK

    
    >>Jake were you ever in prison? ;-)
    
    For about 15 minutes once.  My Dad's uncle was a detective and he was
    giving us the nickel tour of the jail where he works, and while showing
    us a cell, he slammed the door on us and left us for about 15 minutes.
    
    REK, DO ME!!!!!!!!!  (8^)
    
    JaKe
    

    Jake, I bet you wouldn't say that to Mike Tyson!!!!
    
    REK
    
    :-}

    
>><<< Note 47.490 by USCTR1::KING "Look, I can hear what you are thinking....." >>>

>>    Jake, I bet you wouldn't say that to Mike Tyson!!!!
    
    Not now that he's been in prison I wouldn't, that's fer sure.  
    
    JaKe
    

    
    
    	JAKE!!!!!!
    
    	A couple of years ago I got invited to a Haloweenie costume party
    so I made my own costume.  I took a bunch of aluminum flashing and made
    rolls out of them and used duct tape to keep 'm looking like logs.
    Then I bought as 8" funnel and a kiddy clownface mask which I spray
    painted with aluminum paint.  Same thing to a pair of old hush puppies.
    Put a little duct tape around my elbows and knees, slid the aluminum
    rolls up and put the big barrel shaped tube over my torso.
    
    Basically, I went as the Tin Man.  Looked great!
    
    Anyway, this year I think I wanna go as a candy corn.  You know, one of
    those orange/white/brown candy things but I can't figure out how to
    get that "triangle" look, or how I'm gonna paint it.
    
    Got any ideas?
    
    I remain,
    corny about candy!
    Kev
    

 You already have the point at the top so the rest should be easy...I'd
 suggest cardboard for the rest of the costume....

    
    	Thanks a lot Mikey but you missed one thing.
    
    I need the point at the bottom 'cause o' my oversized pernicular
    appendage!
    
    ;^)
    
    I remain,
    the HULK of ::sports!
    Kev
    

Jake,

I'm still having a problem debating that Fire Department thang.

Last weekend, I was at a parade with one former firefighter, and one
guy who's in the HFD right now.  We were checking out the apparatus
(once a firefighter, always a firefighter, and the apparatus holds a 
fascination that runs deep).

We got talking pump operation.  I was never a very good pump operator but
I do remember most of the techniques, and as the three of us were shooting
the shinola,  I felt something I haven't felt in here (at DEC) for a 
long time -- camaraderie.

Afterwards, I was talking with Tommy (the guy from HFD) and he was telling
me that I could get in and take the test, I wasn't too old.


I've been mulling this over in my head for a while, and I'd hate starting
anywhere at the bottom again.  But the old rush is there.  The adrenalin
just thinking about being on the hose line again, just thinking about
the heat and the smoke and the bitch of a job that it is....

Any advice, Jake?

'Saw

    'Saw, I keep tellin' ya, start playing rugby again.  That'll take care
    of everything.
    
    And let's please keep the discussion about apparatus and pumping to a
    minimum.  There are the Corporate policies to consider.

    
>>>    And let's please keep the discussion about apparatus and pumping to a
						  ^^^^^^^^^
    
    					Isn't them the veggies that GHB
    					won't eat?  I don't remember
    					anybody talking veggies or
    					politics.....
    
    
    ;^)
    
    I remain,
    always been a eater of vegetables!
    Kev
        
    
    
    
    

>    'Saw, I keep tellin' ya, start playing rugby again.  That'll take care
>    of everything.

Not really.  Firefighting puts a needle in like rugby does, but it's
a different sort of a needle.

    
>    And let's please keep the discussion about apparatus and pumping to a
>    minimum.  There are the Corporate policies to consider.

MPO - Motor Pump Operator.  They're the guys who get the water to the
guys on the hose.

Apparatus -- firefighter lingo for engines and ladders......


I never liked doing ladder work much -- unless it was search and rescue.
The rest of ladder work sorta sucks.  (pulling ceilings, checking for fire 
extension, ventilation)


'Saw

    Something tells me that 'Saw is setting up a discussion with Gin.

    
    	Yabbut /don's already with Brandy and I'll bet they're in a room
    already!
    
    I remain,
    wishin I had a video
    Kev
    

>                              -< get a room ;-) >-
>
>    Something tells me that 'Saw is setting up a discussion with Gin.

No, actually not.   She don't note in here much any more I guess...

Actually, I was being pretty serious.....


'Saw

>                    -< ya think she's mad at us?  Skeered? >-

I dunno.  


'Saw

    

    re.497
    Kev,
    
    One amll tidbit of advice.  Make sure they're strapped in their
    "chair".  It's tough when they fall out on the floor and get hurt.
    
    Saw, I'll research it fer ya and get back to ya.
    
    JaKe
    

Join a volunteer dept and make sure it's what you want to do. Or join a search
and rescue operation and do both...

Metz

      'Saw, you sure you have your order correct?
    
      Hose, heat then smoke?
    
      Shouldn't it be Heat, hose then smoke?
    
      many (-)
    
      Tim

>
>Join a volunteer dept and make sure it's what you want to do. Or join a search
>and rescue operation and do both...
>

Been there, done that.   Was thinking of takin' it to the next level.....


'Saw

    I'm not mad at anyone (anymore).  I just actually had some work to do
    and just couldn't spend all my time here thinking up things to say.
    
    Hey 'Saw! I have some ladder work you could do and I bet you wouldn't
    mind pulling your hose up it either.
    
    Ha!!! I kill me!!!
    
    
    Gin

    
    One of the guys I play volleyball with is a captain on the Phoenix FD. 
    We're always giving him a bad time about the FACT that all they do all
    day is lay around and play basketball (not REAL work like a salesman
    does, fer instance).  Anyway, after the game were sitting around having
    a few beers and discussing our latest victory.  His beeper goes off,
    and another guy on the team yells over "what's wrong, only got 9 guys
    for the basketball game at the fire station?"
    
    guess you hadda be there and have had a few of the beers.
    
    brews 

>    
>    Hey 'Saw! I have some ladder work you could do and I bet you wouldn't
>    mind pulling your hose up it either.
>    

Ladder men always have a tool.   If you needed rescuin' I'm sure I could
overcome my dislike for ladder work long enough to rescue you....  

8^)

    

    Saw pulls hose film at 11:00... 12:00...1:00
    
    
    REK

>
>    Saw pulls hose film at 11:00... 12:00...1:00
>    
    
Correct terminology is "hump hose".....


hth,
'Saw

didn't have to be there Brews, your buddy's got a quick wit......

haha

    So you have a humpin hose?  Gee 'Saw, this calls for another visit to
    the East coast.  Pencil me in!!!
    
    Gin

>    So you have a humpin hose?  

That's Engine work -- humpin' hose, and puttin' out the fire.

Ladder work is using a tool, checkin' for fire extension, and rescuing 
damsels in distress...


>Gee 'Saw, this calls for another visit to
>    the East coast.  Pencil me in!!!
    
Name the time, ba-bee.........

    I dont' know 'Saw, you just wont fall into any of the leading comments
    that I am making.  Maybe you don't miss me enough yet.
    
    gin

>
>    I dont' know 'Saw, you just wont fall into any of the leading comments
>    that I am making.  Maybe you don't miss me enough yet.
    


Gin, you got a fire that needs puttin' out?   I still make house calls.
Why don't you give me that address and we'll just see how much I miss
you.....

I'm sure I'll get there and it'll be "fully involved" with "smoke showin'"


After I've taken care of the fire, I'll tell you why firefighters don't
like to talk about "falling into" anything.....


'Saw

    So 'Saw, are you more the Randolph Mantooth type or the other guy on 
    Emergency?
    
    Walt (who never really saw what the big deal was with Julie London)

    
    
    
     <<< GENRAL::DISK$OURDISK:[NOTES$LIBRARY]COLORADO_CLASSIFIEDS.NOTE;2 >>>
                           -< Colorado Classifieds >-
================================================================================
Note 7700.0                     RABBITS FOR SALE                      No replies
COOKIE::L_KING                                        9 lines  14-OCT-1993 08:33
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Lynda King
    CXO2-1/7A
    DTN 522-2820
    COOKIE::L_KING <----- PREFERRED WAY
    
    4 rabbits for sale.  Both does and bucks.  6 months old.  Ready to breed
    or eat.  Recipes included.  $5.00 each.  
    
    Second litter of 9 is four months old.  $4.00 each.

>    So 'Saw, are you more the Randolph Mantooth type or the other guy on 
>    Emergency?

They were the paradmedic guys.  Now I have all sorts of respect for them,
but I always liked the other guys (Kelly, and whoever) who actually
did some firefightin'....

    
>    Walt (who never really saw what the big deal was with Julie London)

Julie London used to be married (at one point in time) to Jack Webb.
Supposedly, she had a 40-inch chest, but you can't tell from the re-runs.
She was married to Bobby Troupe (the white haired doctor) at the time
of the series.....




So Gin, I "fall into" one of those comments and you disappear.  Maybe
you don't miss ME enough......8^)


'Saw

    You're right, they were the paramedics...

    Is there an IV DRIP COMING into this conversation?

>    Is there an IV DRIP COMING into this conversation?

Nah.  I was never qualified IV.  They started that about 6 months
after I got out.

My brother was an IV tech for a while, and he was in an area where he
had enough calls that he could keep up his number of sticks a month so
he didn't constantly have to recertify....

Besides, I'd rather deal with fire than medical if given a choice....


'Saw

    I don't miss anyone.......
    
    
    No IV, just a drip.
    
    Gin

    
    >>No IV, just a drip.
    
    Penicillin shots normally take care of the "drips".
    
    JaKe
    

>
>    I don't miss anyone.......
>    


Shot a 300 then, eh?
    
    

    Okay, I don't miss anyone's physical body.
    
    I hardly ever miss with a riffle.
    
    And I hardly ever have the drips either, JaKe.  But I can't take
    Penicillian if I do.
    
    Gin

>
>                          -< Answers for everything. >-
>

Do you know why they don't let donkeys go to school?



>
>    Okay, I don't miss anyone's physical body.
>    

I don't either...at least not when I'm right on.


'Saw

    The question should be.
    
    Do I care.
    
    The answer is.
    
    No.
    
    

>    The question should be.
>    
>    Do I care.
>    
>    The answer is.
>    
>    No.


I knew that.  What makes you think I didn't know that.  I knew that....    
    

    I didnt' think you didn't know that.  I was just making sure that there
    was no missunderstanding.
    
    Gin

    
    The Crazy Met
    

    Nah, just a bit of a bad day coming to the surface.
    
    Gin
    
    

>                                -< no problems >-
Agreed....


>    Nah, just a bit of a bad day coming to the surface.
    
I don't know one way or another about that, but I was just jousting
a bit -- kind of like I'll do with my buddies over beers....    

    
    Yabbut JaKe,
    
    I got's to ask ya if'n this is one of the funniest things you've ever
    seen in your whole life.
    
    
    
    
    Really, really what do you think about this?
    
    I remain,
    giggling over this
    Kev
    
    
    
           <<< CSTEAM::DISK$DBASES:[NOTES$LIBRARY]SPORTS_90.NOTE;1 >>>
                 -< OURGNG::SPORTS - Digital's daily tabloid >-
================================================================================
Note 6.3                      Official Rugby topic                      3 of 323
AUSTIN::MACNEAL "Big Mac"                             2 lines  15-DEC-1989 10:54
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Since this is a favorite topic of one of the moderators (ME), junk
    noting will not be tolerated here.
    
    
    

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
    
    No junk noting in a note about a "junk" sport!!!!!
    
    
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
    
    JaKe
    

    
    Yabbut in regard to "junk" noting, JaKe, I dunno why, but Ah been
    scratching my haid ever since Friday and it ain't cause I don't use
    Haid 'n Shoulders!
    
    This seems to be the #3 clue and I guess I'm not gonna quit my day job
    to become da new Sherlock and I gots ta know.......
    
    What's dat one mean???
    
PFSVAX::JACOB "Instigator of SantaScam '93"          10 lines  26-OCT-1993 10:36
              ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    
    ps - How's da beard?  Nathan wearing a cast on his arm?
    
    
    
    I remain,
    of sharp eyesight.....
    Kev
    
    
        

Ok Kev, I'll explain what it means:
    
    1 p_name of "Pulls the beard, I break yer arm
    
    2 p_name of "all the babes that'll be there"
    
    3 p_name of "Instigator of SantaScam '93"
    
    Yer just too much of a Sherlock Holmes fer me, Kev, here goes:
    
    
    
    
>>Well, I didn't feel like starting a new note when this one would do.

Just didn't know where to put this.  This was first place I found, but maybe
not the best now that I think of it.

>>I've accepted a new job and will start as of Nov. 13, 1993.  I will be in here
>>as late as the 12th of November before starting my new job, which is in a whole
>>new field, compared to fixing these damned computers.  I had my final interview
>>yesterday, after which they offered me the job immediately, and I accepted. 
>>I'll be working in a pretty big establishment here in Pittsburgh, dealing with
>>a bunch of smaller customers.

>>    It's a division of Oxford Development Co.
                   
>>    re.90
    
>>    Some stuff realted to sales, but mostly customer relations and
>>    satisfaction related stuff with their smaller customers.
                                                               
I have no idea why everybody's getting so freakin BLEARY EYED over in 130.*.

Hell, the "big establishment" is the Monroeville Mall, owned by Oxford
Development Co.

The "sutff related to sales", if the parents don't like the pictures, they
won't buy them, so the pictures mean sales!!!

Customer relations and "smaller customers" means

I'M SANTA CLAUS at the mall this year(one of 6 part timers) in my free time.

Never said I was leaving Digital, ya know!!!!   (8^)

>>I've enjoyed all my time in this notesfile, and don't know what I'd have done 
>>over the past 5 or 6 years without it, probably have gotten some REAL work done.
>>(8^)

All very true, ::SPORTS has made it endurable, no, make that ENJOYABLE.

>>================================================================================
>>Note 130.111           NanananaNanananaHeyHeyHey...Goodbye            111 of 118
>>PATE::MACNEAL "ruck `n' roll"                         2 lines  25-OCT-1993 16:43
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>    Jake, we didn't need a 3 week notice.  3 hours would have been
>>    sufficient.

Mac, I figgered the three days is enough.

But, thanks fer the show of emotion, guys.

JaKe

    
>>    Yer just too much of a Sherlock Holmes fer me, Kev, here goes:
                             ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    
    
    Thanks but I'd rather be Johnny
    
    
    
    ;^)
    

There ya go JaKe spoiling Mac's day.

The Crazy Met

    So what you are saying is you let everyone that entered a heart felt
    note to you actually believe you were leaving.  I mean, I never got an
    explaination off line from you either.  And here I am thinking you are
    one of the best people I have met in a long time.  I spill my guts to
    you, take and follow your advice and you betray my trust by making me
    go on and on about you like some ego starved bastard!  Well thanks a
    lot!!!
    
    
    Gin
    
    ps and I even signed it with my full name.  I NEVER do that.
    
    

    String him up.

    
    >>So what you are saying is you let everyone that entered a heart felt
    >>note to you actually believe you were leaving.  I mean, I never got an
    
    Who said I was leaving????  I NEVER said I was leaving!!!!
    
    I only said I had a "New Job", which, playing Santa Claus is a new job
    to me.
    
    (8^)
    
    JaKe
    

    But you let it go on for 3 days.  You let everyone go on and on.  I
    know it's not been 3 days since you were last here so you saw all the
    notes.
    
    Well, it's not for me to decide.  I guess I'll have to start being a
    bit more careful when choosing friends over the net.
    
    Gin

    
 >> <<< Note 47.544 by SWAM2::MASSEY_VI "I don't know, he's shooting blanks!" >>>

 >>   But you let it go on for 3 days.  You let everyone go on and on.  I
 >>   know it's not been 3 days since you were last here so you saw all the
 >>   notes.
    
    Uh, er, um, my screen went blank everytime a note starting with 130.
    came up...er...showed up as set hidden, yeah,m that's the ticket,
    everything showed up in 130.* as set hidden, probably a mod trying to
    keep me from feeling encouraged, yeah that's the ticket!!!
    
    Many (8^)'s
    
    JaKe
    

	I think it may be time to call in prospective jurors.


	billl

    re.546
    
    Ah I did no wrong, liverlips.
    
    JaKe
    

re: .546

no need for a jury on this one. JaKe, will be guilty of whatever
he is charged with.

The Crazy Met

and while we're at it Kev is named as a co-defendant.

The Crazy Met

laugh now Kev! Maybe we'll be lenient with you because your wife
is expecting, but JaKe ....

The Crazy Met

    OH great!!!  So Kev was in on this too?  Gee Jake, so this was a scam
    all along.  You meant to lead everyone into believing you were leaving. 
    You just feed on that don't you?  Wassamattah, not getting enough
    attention lately?  Sounds like a personal problem, why don't you keep
    it that way.
    
    Gin

    
>>laugh now Kev! Maybe we'll be lenient with you because your wife
>>is expecting, but JaKe ....
    
    Maybe my wife isn't expecting, but my girlfriend just called and......
    
    Oh boy
    
    JaKe
    

Gin,

woooah there. don't take this soooo personally. this is definitely the wrong
notesfile to take things personally.

The Crazy Met

JaKester, be careful we all have your home address and phone number :-)

The Crazy Met

    I don't and I want it!!  Give me that address.
    
    I will send a suicidal Vermont teddy bear to his house.
    
    
    Gin

nah, JaKe will have to give you that information. 

The Crazy Met

    
    
    Yabbut,
    
    
    as da official keeper of da LIST
    

    
    
    Yabbut btw,
    
    I don't have yours and if turnaround is fair play......
    
    I remain,
    da original creator of Da List!
    Kev
    

Kev,

seeing as you are an indicted co-conspirator I don't think that
giving it away would be in your best interest. Honor among
thieves and all that slop ...

The Crazy Met

    
     Ha !!!  I guess this debachle is one good thing about being to busy
    to note these days...  I'm glad I didn't get the opportunity to make
    a fool out of my self for JaKe like the rest of you seem to have done
    (not that I wouldn't have given the chance).  I I were You-all...  I'd
    hang da-bum from the tallest tree...
    
    BG
    
    

> I'd hang da-bum from the tallest tree...

much. much too lenient; wouldn't you say?

The Crazy Met

    
    Simple solution.
    
    After XMAS, send Santa to the North Pole, elves and all. He can toss
    them fer fun.
    
    Hope that red suit keeps ya warm...
    
    MikeL
    

    JaKe a bunch for questions for you:
    


	Why do you need a driver's license to buy
	liquor when you can't drink and drive?

	Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

	Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

	Why are there flotation devices under plane
	seats instead of parachutes?

	Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when
	smoking is prohibited there?

	Do you need a silencer if you are going to
	shoot a mime?

	Have you ever imagined a world with no
	hypothetical situations?

	How does the guy who drives the snowplow
	get to work in the mornings?

	If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year,
	why are there locks on the doors?

	If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

	If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they
	make TEFLON stick to the pan?

	If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat
	and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

	If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light,
	what happens when you turn on the headlights?

	You know how most packages say "Open here".  What is
	the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
	
	Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad
   	of the drive-up ATM?

   	Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

   	Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?

   	Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a
   	shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

   	You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes,
   	why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

   	Why is it that when you're driving and looking for
  	 an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

    

    
    >>                 -< I never take anything personally. >-

    Right.  Ya seem to have taken my little innocent prank seriously!!
    
    >>I don't and I want it!!  Give me that address.
    
    Not on yer life, ma'am.
    
    >>I will send a suicidal Vermont teddy bear to his house.
    
    In return, I'll send ya a sense of humor.
    
    JaKe
    

    
    Yabbut ya shudda signed that one
    
    JaKe_for_Tommy!
    
    

    Well well, he comes back for more.  
    
    Umm, are you serious about all that or is it one of your little jokes?
    
    Gin
    
    

JaKe never jokes about a sense of humor.

HtH,

The Crazy Met

>>	Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad
>>   	of the drive-up ATM?

	When I first saw one of these I figured it must just be a generic
	type system that is used for both walk-up and drive-up.  Then the
	drive-up ATM I use added the Braille dots on the keypad along the
	dots on the side for instructions as an upgrade.

	I nearly busted a gut laughing at the puchasing dope that must
	have special ordered it.


	billl

    
>>  <<< Note 47.568 by SWAM2::MASSEY_VI "I don't know, he's shooting blanks!" >>>
>>                       -< I'll send you sumtin Mister!! >-

    Promises, promises...
    
    >>Well well, he comes back for more.  
    
    >>Umm, are you serious about all that or is it one of your little jokes?
    
    
    Joking, yer the one who BLASTED me for a silly little innocent
    prank..er...miscommunication on my part, just to have some fun, and you
    jump in feet first and BLAST me.
    
    I got that SoH all packed up and ready to send Fed Ex when yer ready
    for it.
    
    JaKe
    

re .564

Now, where have I seen this before?...

I don't know. Where have you seen this before?? It is something I picked
up off the net. Just thought that these questions would let us make good
use of JaKe's wisdom and insight - yeah that's the ticket.

The Crazy Met

      Doesn't Led Zepplin have a song "Gallows Pole" from Zep 3?  Swing and
    twitch you bumm!!
    
      And BTW,  love that P_name,  you deserve it!  I see Hal or Paul got
    ya thised time..
    
      May the kids pull your beard off,  or some big kids jumps up on your
    lap and crunch, the go-nads are making you cramp.
    
      Tim

    JaKe,
    
    I understand your innocense in the begining but didn't you get some
    heart felt mail from people? Doesn't that show that they didn't
    understand you weren't leaving?  
    
    Gin

        Actually, we are disappointed that he is staying, Now DEC stock
    won't go up.....

    REK

REK go play with a pet dog.

The Crazy Met

>>    I understand your innocense in the begining 

	Gin, there in lies your first mistake!  (Well, maybe not your first,
	but at least the most recent.)


	billl