Conference misery::feline_v1

4857.0. "bats and cats" by CALS::HEALEY (DTN 297-2426 (was Karen Luby)) Thu Aug 15 1991 19:40

	I found this note in WOMENNOTES and decided to cross post it.  It
	is mostly about this persons experience with a bat but the cat
	plays a role in it and I could just picture T.K. as that cat.

	Enjoy....

	Karen

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Path: world!uunet!lll-winken!looking!funny-request
From: arms@olivey.atc.olivetti.com (Steve @ His Desk)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Bat Story (long)
 
 
Ivrea, Italy,  18.September.1990
 
By Craig Hockenberry
 
 
This is a true story. I wish it weren't.
 
Last night I had a little trouble getting to sleep, and it wasn't a case of
insomnia.
 
I had just finished brushing my teeth and was heading back to my bedroom for a
much needed rest. Upon entering the room, I switched on the light and noticed
a black object flying around the light in the center of the room. I thought 
to myself, "no problem, just a small bird that will fly out of the room when
I open the window."
 
After looking at this object for a few seconds, I realized that it was a BAT. 
My reaction was, and I quote, "SHIT!". Milliseconds later, I was in the next
room looking at a closed door and wondering how the hell I was going to get
rid of this thing...
 
The window in the bedroom was closed and locked, hence it could not be opened 
from the outside of the house. This left me with one alternative .. going back 
in and flushing out the BAT.
 
I returned to the bathroom and got a large towel which I put over my head. I
slowly entered the room and started shaking the towel over my head while the
BAT circled above. Too bad that bats can't see .. the sight of a 6'6" male in
his underware hiding underneath a bath towel would cause any normal animal to
die of laughter. I must have looked like an epileptic King Faud.
 
I made my way, as quickly as possible, to the window and succeeded in opening 
it. After returning to the safety of the next room, I realized I was dealing
with a STUPID BAT. The damn thing would not fly out of the room.
 
My next brainstorm was to scare the STUPID BAT out of the bedroom. So, the man 
with the shaking towel on his head re-enters the room and tries to scare a
STUPID BAT. Notice that I never said this was a clever brainstorm.
 
After trying for several minutes (that seemed like hours), the STUPID BAT is
still circling and I'm more scared than the STUPID BAT.
 
I am running out of brainstorms at this point. That is until my cat walks up 
to the door and looks at me with an expression that can only be described as:
"why are you standing at your bedroom door with a towel on your head?" Cats 
are good at recognizing abnormal behaviour.
 
My cat, Roxy, is also quite a good hunter. She regularly brings dead objects 
into the house for inspection (that's another good story). By now, you 
probably are having the same brainstorm that I was last night. She can kill a 
moth as it flys through the air why can't she KILL the STUPID BAT as it flys 
through the air.
 
At first, she is a little confused as I toss her into the bedroom to do her
instinctive duty. However, as soon as the STUPID BAT goes into his flight
pattern, she makes several stunning leaps into the air to KILL the STUPID
BAT. Unlike her owner (who has finally realized that a towel on the head is not
really needed against a STUPID BAT) she gives up and sits in the middle of the
bed looking at the STUPID BAT hanging upside down on curtains and her owner
peeking through the door. I'm sure she is thinking: "You are 6'6" tall. YOU 
can reach the STUPID BAT".
 
I hate it when my cat has these great ideas.
 
So, I slowly enter the room .. the STUPID BAT remains on the curtain ..
Roxy is waiting patiently for an opportunity to attack .. I get within a 
couple of feet of the STUPID BAT .. the towel is wadded into an efficent,
STUPID BAT KILLING projectile (thank God for rec.pyrotechnics) .. I'm ready to 
attack .. the towel is launched .. and the STUPID BAT comes straight at me! 
And I don't have a towel on my head!
 
I don't know how, but I got out bedroom alive. I quickly went to the bathroom
and got more ammo. I really want to KILL the STUPID BAT.
 
So, I slowly enter the room .. the STUPID BAT remains on the curtain ..
but this time I notice that the STUPID BAT is stuck in the curtain .. IT CAN'T
MOVE!!! I find myself thanking God that this is a STUPID BAT .. if it were a 
SMART BAT, I'd be dead.
 
Confident that I have won this battle, I slowly walk up to the STUPID BAT and
wrap it up in a towel. I then quickly walk to the window and throw the entire
bundle out the window. Within seconds, the window is closed and the sense of
saftey overwhelms me.
 
Before retiring for the night, there is one last thing to do. I need to collect
all the ammo (towels) that have been used in this adventure. After putting away
the towels that are inside the house, I remembered that there is still one
more outside that used to contain a STUPID BAT.
 
It's so dark outside, I don't even bother to put on a pair of pants so that I 
won't offend the neighbors. I easily find the towel in the faint light coming
from the bedroom light and start to pick it up carefully by the corners. I
want to shake it out to make EXTRA sure that the STUPID BAT is not still 
inside the towel. After all this, I'll be damned if I'm going to take the
STUPID BAT back into the house.
 
Suddenly, I feel a small fur covered object rub against my arm! It makes me
jump about 3 feet and nearly gives me a heart attack. After recovering, I
slowly approached the towel to find Roxy looking up at me with the expression:
"Thanks for putting this towel outside for me to sleep on!"
 
I wanted to KILL that STUPID CAT!
 
--
Edited by Brad Templeton.  MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to funny@looking.ON.CA
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  A Daemon will auto-reply.
 

    that was good!!  loved it!
    
    Jo

oh yes, however, I can assure you Dilly or The Flash would not have been so
serene as Roxy in the same circumstances....they'd get the ladder, a net, and
GET THAT BAT!!!

I mean, the great wasp-hunter has a reputation to protect....

    HA, HA, HA !!  I liked this story.  It does sound like Heather,
    and of course, I would probably have a towel over my head too!
    
    I left Heather hunting a fly last night in the living room as
    I went to bed.  If she wasn't declawed and could go outside, I'm sure 
    I'd have "presents" on the doorstep every day.  She is a great hunter!
    
    Julie + Heather kitty

    Well, I meant to reply to note 4857 ... not write a new one!
    
    Sorry!

    My crew would have TRASHED the room trying to get
    that bat!  ;-)
    
    L-

    I know *exactly* what you mean about bats and cats - BATS in
    PARTICULAR!  We live very close to Lake Quinsigamond and am prone to
    get a bat or two a year.  Bats thRive off of small insect, especially
    masqitas (sp?) and with living close to the lake get plenty of those.  
    I'm not one to kill ANY animal but I don't appreciate
    them in MY house.  Anyway, we actually haven't had a bat in over a
    year, that is until this past week-end!
    
    I took my niece and nephew up to Water Country this past Friday and
    didn't come home until 9pm.  Of course it was dark out and my husband
    was over his friend's house.  (Keep in mind my 60+ year old mom lives
    across the street and has had BAT experience.)  
    
    Since I'm not too comfortable walking into a dark house I asked my
    niece and nephew to walk me in.  No problem!  Opened the front door and
    started hauling the cooler and other things into the house.  The hero
    and heroniss (sp?) are also waiting for me (they are RALPH and ALICE!)
    My niece leaves and my nephew and I are saying our farewells at the
    front door when I notice Ralph and Alice "batting" something around at
    the top of my staircase.  All of a sudden I hear that "chirpping" sound
    that bats make.  I look at Todd and say, "What do you think?"  he
    replies "BAT!!"
    
    I certainly am not as brave as our base noter and grabbed Todd and run out
    to the front porch.  In the meantime the cats are really going crazy up
    at the top of the stairs and then dart for one of the spare bedrooms. 
    I tell Todd "Go get grammy and Uncle Joe!"  He goes and gets the
    "crew".  In the meantime my husband is trying to call me on the
    answering machine.  Do you really think I'm going BACK in there to pick
    up his call??!!  I do get brave, grab the phone and run BACK OUTSIDE to
    safety and try to relay to my husband what is going on (he thinks I'm
    out of my mind anyway - after all, how could something so small hurt
    you - I say it's a FLYING RODENT!!)
    
    Well mom and Uncle Joe come to the rescue and head upstairs to find the
    bat.  Uncle Joe calls down that Alice is just lying there like nothing
    happened and then notices Ralph and playing with some small black
    thing.  You have it right, that small black thing is the BAT!  They
    finally get it out (boy, was Ralph pissed!!) and release a 1/2 dead bat
    outside.
    
    Conclusion:  LET YOUR CATS DO THE WORK!  Mine did and they are my hero
    and heironess (sp?)                                      

    Well, I can't say that I'd be too thrilled to have them in my house,
    but I sure enjoy watching the bats in our area fly around and eat
    those @$%* mosquitos!  Beats chemical control!
    
    Friends of ours just bought a house in Hingham that is across 
    from declared wetlands.  He wants to build a "bathouse".  I think
    its a great idea.  I'm rather fond of the little fellows.
      Nancy