Conference misery::feline_v1

2809.0. "caution: much sorrow ahead..." by TOMLIN::ROMBERG (Kathy Romberg DTN 276-8189) Tue Aug 29 1989 17:33

	 I always thought it would be many more years before I wrote one
     of  these  notes.   I  started writing this last Saturday night.  I
     haven't  been  able to finish it until now, what for all the tears.
     I'm still teary.

	 My little  Beebee-lou  is  dead.   I can't believe it.  She was
     only  5.   She was fine on Saturday morning.  She helped me with my
     sewing.  When I left for the barn at 8:00 I put her downstairs with
     Josh.   Just  like  I  always  do.   My roomie heard her meeping at
     11:30.   When  I came home saturday evening and opened the basement
     door,  only Josh came up.  I thought Becky was down there curled up
     someplace  warm.   When she didn't come up after 15 minutes, I went
     down  to  look  for her.  Joshie came down with me.  There she was.
     Lying  on  the carpet between the litterbox and the cat carrier and
     her  hammock, leaning up against the wall looking like she was half
     awake.   Then  I  noticed.  She didn't move.  No breathing.  When I
     touched her, she was ice cold and stiff.

	 I carried  her upstairs.  Her fur was so soft.  Joshie followed
     me  upstairs.   I put Beebs on the kitchen table while I called the
     vet.   Only  the  answering  service  was  there.  I told them what
     happened  and  they  said  to call back between 9 and 9:30 the next
     morning.  I hung up and called my friend who had introduced me to J
     &  B when they were only 4 weeks old.  She has known them all their
     life.   We  cried  together over the phone.  I called my sister.  I
     cried  again.   Every  time  I  stopped crying for a few moments, I
     started crying again.   

	 Eventually I  was  able  to  speak  with  the  vet  and we made
     arrangements  for me to bring her in on Monday for an autopsy.  The
     hardest  thing  I  have ever done is to put her in the refrigerator
     (she  hated  the  cold)  so  that  she would not begin to decompose
     before  the  cause of death could be determined.  Sunday was a very
     long and depressing day.

	 I know  now  that there is nothing I could have done to prevent
     Becky's  death.   That  makes  it a little easier to bear.  She was
     autopsied  yesterday  morning.   The  results  are that she died of
     hypertrophic  cardiomyopathy.   A  thickening  of the heart muscle.
     The  vet  said  that  her  death  was  instantaneous,  and that she
     suffered no pain.  Her heart just simply stopped beating.  For that
     I  am  grateful.  She also said that I probable don't have to worry
     about  Joshua  having  the  same  problem,  even  though  they  are
     littermates.  I still worry though.  I wake up in the middle of the
     night  and  see  Josh, and he is sleeping so soundly that he barely
     moves.  I wake him up just to be sure he is still alive.  I hope he
     doesn't  resent  me  for  it.  In time, when the pain eases, I will
     find him another little brother or sister.

	 Things that I will miss about my Becky:

	 Her patting  my  leg  with  her  catcher's  mitt paws while I'm
     sitting in the kitchen chair.

	 Her butting her face under my arm when I ignore the pats.

	 The "meep"s.  She never meowed, only "meep"ed.

	 Her helping me cross-stitch and sew by attacking tthe thread.  

	 Her curling  up  under  the covers with me and putting her cold
     nose in my side.

	 Her sharp heels in my chest.

	 Her kneading my stomach for 10 minutes before settling down.

	 Her playing  with  the  milk bottle strips and the orange juice
     can strips.

	 Her dragging  her  various  toys and security blankets all over
     the house.  

	 Her hiding  under  the  covers when the door bell rings and she
     hears a strange voice.

	 Her opening my closet doors.

	 Her fanging  my  plants,  and  my  books and the electrical and
     phone cords.

	 Her 20 toes, (10 in front, and 10 behind) and no dew claws.

	 Watching her play with the water as it drips from the faucet.

	 Her showing her brother who was *really* the better fighter.

	 Her hunting bugs and talking to the birds.

	 Seeing her face stare at me when I wake up in the morning.

	 Clipping her  toe nails and her hissing at me because I quicked
     her once when she was 9 months old and she never forgot.

	 Her sleeping on top of the television.

	 Picking her up and giving her hugs and kisses and being covered
     with Becky-hair.

	 Her daintiness.

	 Her twirling  around  the  middle perch of the cat tree chasing
     her tail.

	 Her following me around the house like a shadow.

	 The way  her  tongue moved so fast like a snake when she licked
     her nose.

	 Hearing the jingle of her tag on her collar.

	 Folding her  ears  back (they were big for her head) and making
     her look like a bat.

	 The way she sat up like a prairie dog.

	 The way she could stand and balance on her hind legs. 

	 Her always letting Josh eat first.

	 The way whe ran up and down stairs - always front feet together
     and back feet together, meeping all the way.  

	 The way  she  would lean over the central air vents and let the
     air blow up her nose.

	 Her paws  appearing  under  the closed door when she was on the
     side you were not on.

	 The way  she  picked  at  the carpet when I let her up from the
     basement and how she meeped when I scolded her.

	 Her.

	 Joshie misses   her  too.   He  keeps  looking  at  the  doors,
     expecting  her  to  come through.  He goes down to the basement and
     crouches  near  where becky was when I found her, as if waiting for
     her  to  come back.  He will miss his playmate, his antagonist, his
     target of abuse and affection.

	 Forgive me  for rambling.  I just needed to vent my sorrow with
     others who would care.

	Rebecca Lou Romberg 
        3/20/84 - 8/26/89

    Kathy,
    
    I am so sorry about Becky Lou.  Take comfort in knowing that she
    died instantly and did not suffer. 
    
    Jo

    Kathy,
    
    Our deepest sympathies. Such events are difficult for a long time.
    
    Chuck, Jane, Doobie, Peaches and now Cassandra
    

    
    	It's hard when a loss occurs so suddenly.  At least you have
    the consolation that there was no suffering involved.  You have
    our deepest sympathy.
    
    Bob, Smoke, Nightmare, Sneakers, Nova, & Ruffles (the wonder cat)
    

    Kathy,
    
    Feeling your loss too.  Just remember that Becky-Lou loved you and had
    a wonderful life with you and Josh.  It's so hard to lose them so
    suddenly.  Sending hugs and tears and sympathy.
    
    Feline Sad,
    
    Sue & Panther & Spot

    Kathy, I couldn't read your letter through it's entirety as it brought
    back too many memories (and tears) of losing Shelby to a heart disease;
    however, my deepest sympathies go out to you and Joshie in this
    difficult time.
    
    It will get easier as each day goes by and the pain will lessen
    with it.
    
    With sorrow,
    
    --Roberta
    

    Oh, Kathy, I remeber when you first introduced Josh and Becky -
    I feel as though I've lost a niece-cat. Your babies are the same
    age as our two boys. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you and Josh have each
    other to look after.
    
    Shayne (NZ)

    Kathy,
    You have my deepest sympathy. Your note shows how much you loved
    your Beebe-lou. She was lucky to belong to you and obviously
    returned your love in spades. This relationship and sharing of
    love is an experience which made you richer and will eventually
    - after the terrible pain of her loss has gone - stay with you
    as a happy memory. I wish you all the best.
    Martha
    

    Kathy -
      I have added Becky's name to the Silver Lining Memorial.  I
    hope the you can find comfort in knowing that Becky had a rich
    life and that I'm sure she never doubted for a second that she
    was loved.
      Nancy DC

    Yup, your'e right.  We do care.  We all love our kitty's and our
    doggy's.
    
    I am so sorry for you.
    
    Sandi  (mom to LIghtning, DejaVu & Thunder)
    
    

    We're very sorry.
    
    Karen, Sweetie, Holly, and Little Bit.
    

    Oh, so sad.  We're sad and sorry, and send our love,
    
    Paula and Dickens

    
    
    	We're so sorry...big gentle hugs go out to you and Josh.
    
    	JJ and Cary....Brandi, Sasha, Duke and Chloe
    

    
    
    		So sorry about Beebee. Wish there was
    		something to say or do to fixit but I
    		know there isn't.  
    					kim and Catnip

    Kathy,
    
    Our tears and sympathy too!
    
    Barbara, Melody, Missy and Brittany

    I hope you get over your loss soon.
    
    
    Ken
    

    
    Kathy,
    
    Oh... I don't think I have any words that will really comfort you
    now, but how I wish I did.  Seems like we've lost so many wonderful 
    kitties in FELINES this year.... Like Roberta, I had a hard time
    finishing your note, as it brought back so many memories of losing
    Abbey recently.  I can only say that I'm sorry.  Becky sounded like
    such a wonderful pal.  Perhaps she is watching you from somewhere
    now....
    
    I hope it doesn't take too, too long for our heart to heal...
    
    Lynn
    

    
    I could not make it through your note, Kathy.  It is all too new
    with Zach and Chloe.  My deepest sympathy goes out to you.  When
    it gets so tough that you think that you won't make it, look inward.
    You will find the strength.
    
    Marlene

Kathy,

I'm SO sorry!
I paid extra attention to Rebecca/Becky Lou stories.
Tsunami and I feel for you and Josh.

Rebecca/Becky Sue and Tsunami 

    Kathy,
    
    I cried and laughed and cried some more reading about your Becky.  I
    can just see her doing all those little things you talked about.  
    
    She was a lucky lady to have someone so in touch with her.  I'm sure
    she's fine now, and I hope you will be, too, very soon.
    
    Hugs from Sharon and Smokey

	 Thank you all for your kind words.  The house has been so empty
     without Becky.  I have relayed all the messages to Josh.  He's been
     over-affectionate  (for  him) since Becky's been gone.  It's almost
     been  annoying  ;^).  However, hopefully I will have some good news
     by the end of the week....


	    Kathy