Conference misery::feline_v1

    Mark,
    
    Why not ask someone to look after your cat while the old-lady
    visits? I dont know how they start but if she is a stubborn as my
    parents over some things they aint gonna change!
    
    I dont mind looking after them if you need.
    
    Phil.
    Queens Hs.

    Phil,
    
    Thanks for the encouraging words 8-)
    
    It is a good Idea, and you never know I might take you up.. there
    are two in fact 8-) Cliff and Shadow, my wife is into Cliff Richard.
    
    I was hoping that we could some how work this out with her ! But
    you may be right yet.
    
    Thanks again and you may be hearing from me 8-)
    
    Mark.

        
        I believe it's called 'ailurophobia'  and, like other phobias,
        can't be cured by logic and  reasoning.  It usually stems from
        anxiety  related to something else that the  victim  can't  or
        won't admit to.  I must admit that  I  feel the same way about
        creatures  such as crabs and lobsters, but luckily, they're  a
        lot easier to avoid :^}
        
        Thank you, Dr. Freud.
        

    I think that phobias can be treated, if you could talk her into going
    to a psychiatrist.  Probably not much chance of that, i suppose.  I
    think the method involves gradual desensitization, for example, first
    the person might look at pictures of cats, later go some place where
    cats are a 'safe' distance away, etc.
    

    Hi Mark - lovely to see you in this notesfile (could I hope you
    are now a felinophile?)
    
    I have a friend - Meredith - who suffers from the same fear of cats
    - this made visits a little difficult once we got the kittens. 
    However we got her down while they were small and less frightening,
    they were happier to be confined to one room with toys during the
    day and then we'd let them out for a couple of hours to play in
    the lounge with Meredith there, making sure that they did not jump
    all over her.  At night she had the bedroom with bathroom attached
    so that she could shut the door and feel "safe", another alternative
    would be to put kittens in room with dirt tray so that they do not
    wander into bedrooms.
    
    It sounds like "keep them and her apart" but gradual acclimatisation
    seemed to work and since you have two they will be company for each
    other during the times when your visitor has to have a breather.
    
    Worked really well - or we thought so until the last day when Isis
    sharpened her claws on Merediths jeans - while Meredith was still
    in them!
    
    Kate

A thought:

If a person really "fears" the cat(s), the solution is to limit the contact
between the cats and the person who fears....a gradual desensitization by
limited exposure would be the solution a therapist would probably suggest.
My friend, Jeanette, fears cats because they move so quickly and silently
and she can never be sure exactly where they are.  I suspect she was raised
to believe that cats were in some way "dirty" and should not be handled
too much...ergo, when a cat suddenly lands on her lap, she freaks out.  When
she visits, I simply move my cats to another part of the house and she
is comfortable...this works find with a friend, but may not be an acceptable
solution with a relative who may wish to visit for extended periods of time.
Perhaps you can determine what it is about cats that causes the distress and
discuss these fears with her?  It won't necessarily help or cure the problem,
but you might find additional issues that you should address with the 
grandmother of your child.....in some cases, it may be necessary to reassure
a relative that the cat(s) are not going to spread disease to the baby and
explain how you know this (innoculations for the cats, baby, indoor-only
cats, or whatever - the purpose is to relieve anxiety as much as possible).
The relative may never wish to spend time with the cats, but can be reassured
the cats will not harm the baby.

If a person has been raised to think of cats as "bad" or "dangerous" creatures,
you have other problems - this is not fear as much as it is hostility and
you may have some REAL arguments ahead of you - especially when the first
grandchild arrives!  Be prepared.  Unreasonable fears/hates are the most
difficult issues to resolve...and can lead people to be very unpredictable.

    Unfortunately, it's one of those things where the person with the
    problem has to WANT to change things. Otherwise, it's best to just
    have the kitties somewhere else while she visits.
    
    One time, long ago, the sister of someone I was seeing wanted a cat.
    So for her birthday, I proudly produced a beautiful black kitten
    that I had obtained from a neighbor's cat.  Well, the poor kid's 
    mother absolutely freaked. You had to see it to believe it!  She 
    picked the poor kitten up and whorled it out the door, screaming
    more intensely and insanely than I have ever heard any human scream
    about anything.  The poor little girl ran screaming to her room.
    I decided to leave for my own safety.  The kitten was placed with
    another loving home. The guy I was seeing never explained to me that
    his Mom had a truly terrible fear of black cats.  Of course, I was
    shocked by the whole incident and suggested (to him) that his Mom
    might want to get some help for that problem and that it was truly
    irrational. Well, needless to say, that put a major irrepairable 
    rift between all of us (of course he had to go and tell his Mom what
    I said!). In fact the relationship suffered enough from that one 
    incident that we could never really forget it. I think inside neither
    us could really forgive the other. I just couldn't believe anyone,
    especially a grown woman could throw a baby kitty like that!  And I
    don't think she ever forgot what I said, and I truly believe it was
    her that led to the demise of the relationship between myself and her
    son.
            So the moral of the story is, if Mom don't want help, don't 
    push it.  Board the cats.
    
    
                         Denise

    I can understand a little of what you mother may feel.  I have a
    partial fear of dogs.  I say partial because once I know the dog,
    I usually don't have a problem.  We have been able to trace my "fear"
    to a incident that happened when I was about 12-13 years old.  I
    was standing next to my sister when a friend's dog ran up and bit
    her in the stomache.  Needless to say, it was a big shock.  Then
    to have to worry about rabies, which was not there, thank goodness.
    
    Because I love all animals (just partial to cats), I have been able
    to adjust to this "fear" by trying to find out in advance if a person
    we are going to visit for the first time has a dog, then Randy will
    go in first so the dog does not jump on me.  I don't really freak
    out, I just freeze, or have been known to circle Randy to keep him
    between me and the dog.  
    
    This is a long winded way to say, if you can find out the reason
    for the fear, maybe there is a way you can work around it.  Of course,
    if it is a full-blown phobia, this probably won't help.  
    
    Bernice
    Mother_of_Trouble+2