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Conference misery::feline_v1

Title:Meower Power is Valuing Differences
Notice:FELINE_V1 is moving 1/11/94 5pm PST to MISERY
Moderator:MISERY::VANZUYLEN_RO
Created:Sun Feb 09 1986
Last Modified:Tue Jan 11 1994
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:5089
Total number of notes:60366

1668.0. "Sad Reminder" by TPVAX3::ROBBINS () Wed Aug 17 1988 13:33

         I ran across this in the paper this week-end and it touched
    a cord down deep.  I wanted to share this not as a sad note (that
    it is) but more as a more then gentle reminder to all of us who
    share our homes with our pets.  
    
    
          "I am writing partly as therapy to help me get over my
    devastating loss, and partly to warn others so they won't have to
    live with the kind of guilt I am experiencing.
           Last week, "Tissiack", my beautiful cat, died suddenly of
    unknown causes.  I'd had her for 13 years - since she was a tiny
    kitten.
           I cannot describe the depth of my sorrow or the terrible
    emptiness left by her death.  It's almost as though I had last a
    child.  What really torments me is that in the weeks before her
    death I had been neglecting her.  When she would come to me pleading
    with her eyes and body to be held and petted, I pushed her away
    because I was either trying to read, or was too busy with one trivial
    thing after another.
            I used to give her so much attention, "talking to her",
    playing with her, and stroking her, but these last few years, after
    I married and had a child, I gave her less and less of my time and
    attention.  She would come to me anyway giving me her total devotion
    unconditionally.  I took her for granted, callously shoving her
    away - even when she was hungry - because I wanted to do "just one
    more thing" before feeding her.
            Each memory of Tissiack's pleas for my attention that I
    ignored is like a knife twisting in my heart.  I would give anything
    to have her back to give her just one last hug.
            I cannot eat, and I sleep only fitfully, awakening to sickening
    waves of grief and guilt.  The vet could find nothing wrong with
    her.  I keep thinking she died of a broken heart.
            My message to pet owners: Show them your love.  They need
    it more than you realize.  They can leave you at any time- and then
    it's too late."  
    
    
                                                       kim
    
    
    
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
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1668.1ThanksWFOV12::GONCALVESWed Aug 17 1988 13:419
    
    
    That is a fit reminder not only for cats, but for human beings as
    well.
    
    Thank you for sharing it with us.
    
    
    Shelly, Selina, & Mijo
1668.2HUGS for our HONEYSFDCV03::JOHNSONWed Aug 17 1988 16:133
    Oh Kim,  what a sad one.  We DO take them for granted though.  I
    know I do.
    
1668.3USMRM2::ESILVAWed Aug 17 1988 17:2824
    I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes....what a sad story.  
    
    I am feeling exactly the way the author did....you see, when I was
    11 I brought home "my" kitty Wendy, just a tiny little kitten. 
    Until I moved out of my mothers a couple years ago, she was always
    considered my cat.  She stayed at my moms, cuz thats where she had
    grown up.  Every time I went to visit I always held and petted her.
    
    Welp, this past Monday I stopped by and Wendy was no where to be
    found (she has been in-door only because she is so old now).  My
    sister and I looked all over the house for her, but couldn't find
    her.  We thought she must have gotten out and gone out in the woods
    that she used to love to hunt in.  My sister called me this morning
    and told me Wendy has not returned home.  I am worried sick!  and
    feeling soooo guilty about not spending more time with her and showing
    her how much I still do love my first kitty.  A neighbor mentioned
    that she might have gone out in the woods to die and I think she
    may be right.  I am heartbroken.  My sister spent all afternoon
    yesterday searching every inch of the house, the yard, the woods,
    even walking up and down the road, no luck.  I only pray that she
    comes home.
    
    The original note really hit home with me and now I feel even worse.
                                                                        
1668.4My sincere apologiesTPVAX3::ROBBINSWed Aug 17 1988 19:2951
    re. 3
    
          Ohhhh gee whiz.....  But now let's look at this again.  Your
    circumstances aren't the same as the author's was.  I have no idea
    if their are reason's why you couldn't bring the cat with you
    and even if there isn't you chose to do what in your heart was in
    her best interest's.  Which leaving her where she grew up well I
    may have just opted to do the same thing :^) as probably quite a
    few others may have done.  I'm sure she has attention in her household
    and as far as what a neighbor said.  I don't think that's what you
    needed to hear at this moment.  But by saying that they may have
    meant that she could have been sick and animals are known to do that.
    To go away for whatever reasons they have.  I really don't think
    that you had anything to do with her leaving or getting lost.  The
    author's message was a little different.  The cat was in her household
    and wasn't getting its normal attention.
    
    I just hate to think that this made you feel worse that was not
    it's intent.  The only intent was like I said before a reminder
    to those of us who have pets in our home with us that tend to take
    them for granted.  In my eyes you're being much too hard on yourself
    but of course you will feel the way you feel.  Again my apologies.
    
    I too have a problem that the note maybe amplified a little to me.....
    I have a lost cat, Pretty Boy, whose in another note.  Pretty Boy
    came to me as a stray.  Signalled me out and in no uncertain terms
    I KNEW that he wanted to be mine.  I searched for a home for him
    as we were to a cat maximum and after having him with me for a little
    over a month brought him there.  Well that was the beginning of
    July and the first two days he was there he left.  We've tracked
    and called and hung posters everything to no avail.....  I'm left
    with alot of guilt.  Guilt as to if he felt betrayed by me, if he's
    lost trust with everyone which would explain why no one seems to
    know where he is, just filled with ugly guilt.  Yes if I find him
    I will keep him by hook or crook.  I may never though and that's
    something that will haunt me forever.  Just thought I'd share with
    you that.  I think there may be many of us who have some type of
    shall I say "skeleton in the closet" which we did what was right
    in our hearts but somehow back-fired and now we're left with only
    ourselves to blame as there is no one else.  One knows they did
    the right thing but the guilt always creeps up when things just
    haven't gone right.
    
    I hope Wendy turns up or you and/or your family find her.  If you
    want send me mail and I'll give you everything that I have done
    to try and locate Pretty Boy.  I know all the tricks now and still
    am coming up with more.  I'd be more then happy to help you out
    this way.  Sorry for any added pain inflicted I meant no harm.
    
                                                                   
                                                            kim  
1668.5With sympathySUBURB::TUDORKKate n' ITThu Aug 18 1988 12:1614
    Guilt is a recognised part of the grief process.  When you lose
    someone, even if your behaviour towards them was saintly, there
    will always be grief, you know, 'I could have done more' etc.
    
    I don't suppose this helps much at the moment but try and look at
    it as a natural process that you have to go through to cope with
    the situation.
    
    I hope that you find her.
    
    Let us know.
    
    Kate
    UK
1668.6Found her!USMRM2::ESILVAThu Aug 18 1988 14:386
    Good news!  My sister called this morning....She found Wendy!! 
    I am elated and dying to see her!  It seems that somehow she found
    her way into a big walkin closet in the basement (filled with tons
    of junk) and couldn't find her way out.  She's fine, very hungry
    and thirsty, but I'm sure glad it wasn't the worst case I had imagined
    it to be.
1668.7YEA!!!CLUSTA::TAMIRACMS design while-u-waitThu Aug 18 1988 15:184
    YEA!!!!!  I'm glad Wendy is OK.  Poor little thing must have been
    frightened.  Silly girl....
    
    Mary
1668.8Cherish the little onesSALEM::DOUGLASThu Aug 18 1988 17:5010
    Boy, that letter hit home with me! My Tiga is 15 years old and I'm
    dreading the day she passes over to kitty heaven. Although I make
    it a point to cuddle her, there are days when I'm *too busy*.
         
    This is a good reminder to hug our pets often and let
    them know how special they are!
    
    Tina.
    
1668.9Thank GodSUBURB::TUDORKKate n' ITFri Aug 19 1988 11:278
    Yaaaaaay - I'm so glad you found her OK.
    
    I bet you feel great - hope the two of you have a wonderful weekend.
    
    Best regards
    
    Kate
    
1668.10MYVAX::LUBYlove them furry terroristsFri Aug 19 1988 17:0112
    
    
    	My parents cat, Cinamon, is 13 years old and stays with me
    	six months of the year.  I'm so afraid that I will be the
    	one to have him when it comes time for him die and yet I am
    	also so afraid that I won't have him.  But I have a feeling
    	that if he is with my parents and need to be put down they
    	would call me so that I could be with him.  Cinamon is almost
    	like a child to our family having been a part of it for so
    	long.  Oh, I have to stop now, I crying over my lunch!
    
    	Karen