Conference misery::feline_v1

    
    I had a similar situation.  My boyfriend was a bit uneasy about
    getting our 2 monsters, since we like to go away on weekends, and
    he knew that he would get stuck with litterbox duty.
    
    So, I just arrived home late from work one day with the 2 little
    rascals with me.  Luckily it was the middle of winter so I just
    had to bring them in the apartment.
    
    His ideas changed as soon as Oscar curled up and slept with him
    that night.
    
    Just get the cats into the house, and I'll bet that she'll change
    her mind, especially is she's an animal lover.
    
    Good luck.
    
    	-Nancy
    
    

    Please don't make the assumption that you will automatically have
    to get the cat declawed.  If and when you do get a cat, train him
    not to scratch the furniture first, and provide it with a suitable
    scratching post.  I think declawing should be viewed as a last resort.
    
    Maybe your girlfriend views getting a cat as a symbol of your growing
    committment to each other.  You will be "starting a family" in a
    sense by adding a feline member to your household.  You didn't mention
    how long you had been living together.  Could be she is not quite
    ready for that much responsibility.
    
    I would keep working on her.  As long as you assume responsibility
    for the cat, there shouldn't be that much of a problem.  I have
    7 cats (at the moment!) and they haven't stopped my husband and
    I from enjoying ourselves, taking off for the weekend, etc.  Also
    most cats spend very little time being sick.  Regular vet care
    (i.e. vaccinations, health exams) can prevent much of what a cat
    might become ill with.
    
    Good Luck,
    
    Jo
   

     
    We been living together for about two years now. And I think getting
    the cat declawed would be a good idea because training a cat not
    to scratch the furniture on expensive furniture would be a bad idea.
    And have been thinking of getting a cat for quit sometime now (since
    last fall) and I been reading feline notesfile for a while now and
    my parents have Blue Gray persian that I took care of when I was
    living there.
    
    But I don't know maybe your right maybe I'm pushing her too hard.
    
    

    Maybe your girlfriend is just putting it to you nice how she feels
    about a cat.  Maybe she doesn't want to hurt your feelings on how
    she really feels about bringing an animal into her house.  I worry
    that if you bring a cat home without her REALLY wanting it she will
    resent it and maybe take it out on the cat.  Bringing a cat into
    the family makes that cat part of the family and it takes 2 parents
    to look after even a kitty.
    
    This is just my opinion -- please take it for what it is worth.
    
    Linda

    
    
      I can sympathize with you wanting to have a cat.  However if your
    girlfriend (and it seems that way) is so hesitant and really would
    not like to have one then it may not be a good idea.  I don't think
    bringing one home as a surprise would work she may be a little upset.
    The other thing to remember is even if your mind you try to nip
    everything in the bud to things she may not like about the cat it
    may not work.  Kittens are kittens and cats can behave like kittens
    for quite a while.  So even if the cat isn't clawing away he may
    be running around late at night or knocking over things or decide
    not to use the litter box etc.....  So I guess I'm just saying it
    may be the cause of arguement between the both of you no matter
    what.  And of course if she doesn't like the cat the cat will know
    it and act accordingly.....
    
    Well that's my two cents...  Only my personal opinion as I really
    don't know her....
    
                                                             kim

    
    re;4
    Then I guest she haft to move out. (joke)
    
    re;all
    Seriously, I talked to my girlfriend at lunch and we agreed to wait
    until fall to get a cat.
    
    Thank you everybody for info.
     Chris. :^)
    

    What is this it takes two parents to take care of a kitty stuff?
    

    
    
    OOOPPPSSS - it wasn't me that said it....  :^) 
    
                oh oh I take it they meant if there's 2 people around
                they both gotta love that kitty......  at least I hope
                that's what they meant.......
    
                                                  kim

    Please don't get a kitty if only one wants it.  I made that mistake
    and came home one night to find my cat dead on the side of the road,
    my non-cat lover boyfrined threw her out the window and she really
    didn't know anything about being outside.  So she was killed.  I
    was devastated.  I got rid of him then too.
    
    Linda

    God, that's horrible.  Congratulations on getting rid of your
    boyfriend, however.  So many women stay with these creeps no matter
    what for reasons which completely escape me.
                     

    repl;all
    
    Please don't get me wrong my girlfriend is not cat hater she loves
    animals it just there so many things going on in our lifes that she does'nt
    think we would have time to take care of it. But when fall comes
    around we will have less things to do (well I will anyway she 
    still haft to go shcool at night)so please the think of her as a
    cold, unafection little witch.
    
                                      Thanks Chris :*)
     
    

     
    
    
    OOPPPSSS! It should say " so please don't think of her as a cold,
    unafection little witch."
    
    I should learn how to type one of this day.
                                                         Christian

    OH LINDA! THAT'S AWFUL!
    
    Unfortunately, that is pretty much how my boyfriend feels about
    my kids. He would never do it - he's more brains and heart than
    that. However he does not like having them around and makes no bones
    about it.
    
    Regarding the situation at hand: Where are there more guys like
    you?
    
    I have seen same situation many times, but I have never heard
    of the "girlfriend" being the one that is not interested in pets.
    With my experiences, it has always been the boyfriend who is the
    problem. I know of very few men who relish the idea of owning cats.
    If anybody out there knows of one who's available, please steer
    him my way!!! (just kidding)
    
    I'd just wait it out if I were you. My present loser told me in
    no uncertain terms not to get any more cats, and I still went ahead
    and did it. As a result the past year or so has been absolutely
    miserable, and as soon as I find a new residence for me and my brood,
    I am out the door. 
    
    The cruel irony here is that the only reason I have stayed with 
    him so long is that his best friend owns the house we are living in 
    and since they're buddies and I'm the "girlfriend", he's (the
    landlord) been pretty good about letting me keep the cats. 
    With the ensuing breakup, things are pretty stormy now though.
    
    I wish I could be of more help, but as far as I'm concerned -
    
    "Give me kitties - or give me death"   :^)
    
    Denise
    

    You guys are forgetting all the nice men who participate in this
    conference.  Hey, are any of you available? :-)
    

    Hey, there have to lots of men out there (here?) that like cats
    or are at least neutral to them, finding one shouldn't be too hard.
    Finding one that you can deal with and want to have a long term
    relationship with is another thing altogether (and probably not
    appropriate to this notesfile).
    
    Anyway, I am faced with the same problem. I like having Bonkers
    around but Joanne doesn't really like pets that much. Fortunately
    Bonkers is a pretty cat and has gotten over the kitten activities.
    I have installed the cat door so that I can put the litter box on
    the porch (removes cat odor from the home) and am busily trying
    out scratching posts to get her from scratching on furniture. I've
    started to brush her to try and remove most of the hair that she sheds.
    
    My approach has been to do all of this before Joanne moves in and
    to let her know that I am doing this because I care for her AND
    Bonkers.
    
    Maybe it will work...
    
    	Marty
    

    	This has turned into an interesting discussion on relationships
    holding up under stress (of a new being sharing the household).
    I personally would show the door to any female who was so small
    that she couldn't welcome a nice cat sharing our lives.  But that
    won't happen since I already have the cat (and am looking for a
    playmate for him).  
    	I guess that there are a lot of either insecure people or 
    people living at the edge of their capabilities (mentally, socially,
    etc. - just barely coping with life) and the stress of a pet is
    too much for them (I spent about 20 year in this condition).  The
    question is, if the person is in this condition, are they ready
    for a relationship with you?   I think getting a pet is a good test
    of a relationship.  - Chris

    RE .7
    
    .8 said it.  What I meant to say was that if there are 2 parents
    than they both have to love and take of the cat.  Not that both
    father and mother are needed....
    
    Signed,
    A single mom!

    
    There are definitely some nice, caring men out there if you look
    hard enough...although I didn't have to look that hard.
    
    When I first wanted to move to Basingstoke (UK), a guy I had only
    recently met (through another friend) took me and my three kids
    in...bearing in mind he had always lived alone and certainly had
    no animals at all.  I MUST ADD I WAS ONLY HIS LODGER...nothing else.
    
    We all lived there hapily for ages when I met a guy and we started
    going out but he didn't like cats very much.  Then I was faced with
    a problem...so I said "love me, love my cats!" and it worked...now
    we live together in perfect harmony...with my boys (Elsa was run
    over and killed shortly before I moved in with my boyfriend).
    
    There!  Two kind, affectionate males in one story.
                                        
    
    Sharon
    

    My Signifcant Other and I have been living together for nearly seven (!)
    years.  He had never lived with cats before, but he didn't have any
    objection to them when we moved in together.  I have to take care of
    the litterbox, though; I guess it's only fair since they were *my* cats
    originally.  Well, only one was, actually; I had one cat when I moved
    in with my S.O.  We got another one together about a year or so later,
    but somehow I've remained on litterbox duty all by myself.  Oh, well.

    Anyway, Jim gets all mushy and talks to the kitties in typical
    talking-to-kitty fashion (sort of like baby talk), so I guess he likes
    them!  Before reading the other notes in this topic, I didn't realize
    how well I lucked out. 

    Sometimes I think the cats help to keep us together... :-)

							-- Nina

    P.S. Good luck with your girlfriend, Christian.  If you got her to see
    some kittens, I bet she won't be able to resist.  Hmm, maybe that's why
    she didn't want to go to the Humane Society! 

    A few months back some friends sent us one of those little yield
    type signs (you know, "baby on board" with a suction cup) to stick
    in the window.  It said "We are staying together for the sake of
    the cats".  I love it!
    
    My husband wasn't a big cat person when we first started dating.
    In fact, he was quite allergic.  I took the love me love my cat
    approach and it all worked out great.  I was able to show him the
    finer points of cat ownership (especially since my cat loved him,
    she used to rub all over him every time he came over.  Musta known
    he was deathly allergic, ;') )  I knew I had to marry him when he
    saved my cats life by paying for emergency surgery (I was completely
    broke!).
    
    Jo

My sister and I (the rest of the family also for that matter) are real
    animals nuts. Debi (sister) used to have three cats, two Pythons,
    one Boaconstrictor, mice, gerbals, and all sorts of reptiles. She
    used to live in a big house with her now ex-boyfriend and she converted
    one room into a hot room for all the snakes and repriles. She made
    a special play area for the cats in the other room. Unfortunately,
    my sister's boyfriend was a maniac and killed every snake, mouse,
    and cat she had, (he shot her favorite cat right in front of her!!)
    when he was arrested. That was years ago. We now rent an apartment
    together and we have one Cat named Max (a Russian Blue) and a beautiful
    luminscent green Iguana, Merlin, who likes to hang around the plants.
    Its a riot to see big, fat Max sneak up on Merlin, slap his tail
    then run away and hide when Merlin spins around. Max is scared silly
    of Merlin and he outweighs him at least a hundred to one. We also
    have fish and Max will sit in front of the tank and watch them for
    hours. 

    I was lucky enough to recently meet a man who loves cats as much
    as I do.  I met him at a cat show in San Francisco.  Turns out he
    works in the same Digital building I do and we had been introduced
    a few months before by someone at work that knew we shared this
    obsession with cats.  He used to breed Abbys and Maine Coons (is
    this person starting to sound familiar?  HINT:  He used to participate
    in this notes file quite a bit.)  Apparently that first meeting didn't 
    really register since we were both in sort of a daze that day (him
    from recently driving from Houston to San Jose, me from just a long 
    day). 
    
    Well, we've been together for about 5 months now and he's terrific
    (are you reading this Dave?).  He treats my cats as if they were
    his own and even helped me out when Bailey was sick by running her
    to the vet for me and even paying for her vet fees and medication.
    I love his 4 cats very much.  They're all very special.  So far
    we haven't been able to get the two sets of cats introduced (we've
    only tried a couple of times and the two heads of households were
    not very receptive) but we'll probably keep trying.
    
    See there are some cat-loving men out there.
    
    Jan

    
    Oh Boy! I never thought this file will be this long. I was sick
    yesterday so I just finish reading all this replies this morning.
    
    Yes. I think the best think to do is to wait it out until fall and see
    if she will keep her promise an if not well I guest I'll haft to move
    in U.K. or U.S. and meet all these nice girls in this note file.
    
                                                    have nice day
                                                         Chris

    This note may end up titled "Want Girlfriend but CAT needs
    reassuring...."

    Re 1636.20:
    
    I also had a former boyfriend who aided me in a medical emergency
    with my favorite cat of all time ("My Great Big Buh-Buh").  I had
    only adopted her two weeks earlier, and she had been a stray.  She
    was pregnant and going into labor, and couldn't get the kittens
    out, and was in labor all day, which for a cat is much too long,
    as I found out later from the vet.  So, we got her to the vet,
    boyfriend participating all the way.  (The vet saved her, and gave
    her the right shot so she could fight off potential infection, and we
    chose not to try to save the kittens, most of which were already
    dead anyway.)  My boyfriend insisted on paying for half of the
    expenses, which were rather steep, due to the fact that the whole
    thing happened on a Sunday, which caused all kinds of extra emergency
    fees, etc.  This was in the early stages of our relationship, so
    it was all very romantic.  (Two years later, the boyfriend turned
    into a total a**hole, but that's the way it goes in life!)