Conference misery::feline_v1

    Roberta,
    
    I think your fiance is being fair.  I mean does he live with you?
    And if not then since he is your fiance then I suspect he will be
    living with you.  
    
    I think two cats are enough.   I *love* pussycats but there is a
    limit.  I don't think he is being unreasonable.  But what you have
    to decide is this?  Can you live with this man?  Will you be happy
    with just two cats?  Will you resent him for not having more?  What
    if he wanted lizards?  Would you let him have those?  I think by
    letting you or accepting you with two cats when he is not a cat
    lover himself - the guy is a *sweetheart*....I know some men that
    wouldn't even tolerate one!  But then you wouldn't want to marry
    a guy like that!  So consider yourself lucky and don't push it.
    Maybe in the future when you have been together awhile and he has
    a chance to think about it - and maybe change his mind.  But for
    now I wouldn't push it.....but if you will resent him for this then
    I think you better start thinking talking with him about it.
    
    Good Luck!
    
    bs
    

    Roberta-
    
    My husband is quite patient with me, considering what we all have
    been going through lately.  We have 4 cats, and for the past 3 months
    since we moved into our new home, they have had their share of
    territorial bouts - some of them VERY upsetting.  I've often asked
    him if we will get a dog someday (I grew up with them) and he says
    "Get rid of the cats!"  I can see his point.  Having four cats is
    not an easy job - but I do love them all!  
    
    I've had enough opportunities to even ADD to my present four, but
    I have to draw the line somewhere.
    
    My suggestions are:  If he REALLY doesn't want you to have another
    (you can tell!) then I would respect that, otherwise, it may be
    a sore subject between the two of you.
    
                         If you have considered all of the additional
    responsibilities of another kitten (kittens are somewhat destructive,
    do you agree?) and know that your fiance wouldn't have a problem
    with this then . . .
    
    The BEST thing to do is discuss it again.  I'd be hesitant to go
    ahead and get a kitten without his support.  Somehow, if you have
    your heart set on it - he will come around and say OK!
    
    Good luck in your decision.    Pam
    
    
    
    

    RE:  .1
    
    Yes, we are living together.  And yes, if he liked lizards, he could
    have them providing he took full responsibility of them as I do
    the cats!  I love ALL creatures, even those lacking fur.
    
    Believe it or not, he wants me to ask my mom what she thinks of
    my request (mom has 4 cats; thinks 2 is enough).  Obviously, he
    knows what her answer to me will be:  Dana comes first, cats come
    second.  She is right, I know.  He should come first.  We are getting
    married this October.
    
    I think giving him time is a good idea, but I am a very impatient
    person - want everything NOW!
    

    I am concerned about Chauncey (or is it Nikki that is skiddish?).
    We got another addition after having our first cat for 2 years and
    it changed her personality (for the worst).  It took a *long* time
    before she accepted the kitten.  She is skiddish and will not let
    anybody near her except my husband and I.  I would say it took a
    good 9 mos before she accepted the kitten - that's a long time to
    live in a household where you have a spoiled rotten cat and little
    defenseless kitten.  Alot of fur went flying.  
    
    So I vote "no" not only for your fiance sp? sake but for your two
    cats sake as well.
    
    anna/zildjian/spunky
    

    Hi--
    
    I have to say that I'd vote "no", too.
    
    I moved in with my fiance nearly 2 years ago, and it's really taken
    him about that long to get used to Billie and her ways.  I'd had
    this kitty for 8 years alone before that;  needless to say, she
    was spoiled ROTTEN.  Now she has come to terms (as much as cats
    ever do) with Pete, and that she cannot jump up on the furniture
    (we  *just* bought a new couch), etc.  Let's say that they mutually
    respect each other....
    
    I would just love to get another cat, but I know that Billie's the
    type of cat that just wouldn't stand for it.  But the biggest
    consideration is Pete.  He knows how much Billie means to me, and
    considering that he has never been a "cat person", he likes her
    pretty well.  (Once she ran out of the house on him, and he chased
    after her--saw her plow full bore into the side of a parked car,
    scooped her up and ran her to the vet's to be sure she was ok. 
    Silly cat--she was, but *his* nerves were shot!)  I wouldn't want
    to stretch his tolerance anymore.  We all have a nice life together,
    but I know it would be a constant bone of contention if I went out
    and brought in another cat.
    
    Patience, my dear--it sounds like these darling new kitties will
    have more than enough loving homes offered to them.  If I were you,
    I'd live with the status quo and wait for now.
    
    Just my opinion,
    
    Jane
    

    Hi Roberta -
    
    I would vote for not getting another cat for right now. The noters
    who mentioned that a kitten can be a handful are ever so right!!!
    Aside from that, you have alot to look forward to right now - like
    the move to the new house, setting down into it, getting Chauncey
    and Nikki to settle down into it, putting wedding plans in place,
    and the actual wedding, then honeymoon. You really have ALOT on
    your plate right now. And mixed into all these plans are the
    things that go along with just living - like working, shopping, 
    cleaning, weekend trips, etc. 
    
    While kittens are definately CUTE and will grow up eventually, they are
    rambuncous (sp?) and get into everything - especially if left alone. 
    If Dana's patience is being tried right now, just wait until you have 
    a KITTEN and you come home after a day at work or a couple days 
    away at the Cape.
    
    Also - another factor to look at is EXPENSE. Keeping two well cats
    healthy is an expense - shots, worming - and you feed them special 
    diet food. You will have another mouth to feed, another set of shots, 
    - AND additional $'s when one or all of them get sick, or hurt. 
    
    Dana is not asking anything unreasonable - as I see it. You just
    acquired two cats for which he was unprepared. I think it would
    be best to give the situation some time to settle. I wouldn't 
    think getting another cat is worth an argument. Afterall, you haven't
    established a relationship with this kitten. And there will always be 
    other litters of kittens - even Ragdolls - if you decide in the future 
    to get one. Maybe after the move & wedding, when life slows down a
    bit, Dana will be more confortable with a new feline addition.
    Or- you may change your mind. 
    
    P.S. - Dana sounds like a really nice guy. Not all guys would put 
    up with two cats - he must love you alot.
    
    Pat  
     
    
                                                        

    Not unselfish or unfair . . . you're just not trying to keep your
    word.  Cats, like every living thing, do die . . . and there'll
    be more opportunities down the road.

    My fiance likes cats, but wanted to select the second.  When I read
    about "Tequila" (formally "Mona") in this file, I thought she and
    Schnapps would get along perfectly...And so I too "had to have her".
    I made a deal with my fiance to give up chewing gum the rest of my
    life, and he gave in.  But 3?!  That would be too much to ask anyone.
    It's one thing to have loving pets, but another to run into another
    cat everytime you turn around...And I agree with the "territorial"
    problems.  It took some time for my two to get fully used to each
    other.  All furry things are "soooooo cute".  And ragdolls will
    always be around.  Be fair to your three roommates...
    
    Just my opinion...I get the feeling you were looking for "go ahead"
    answers, but it doesn't seem that any of us are giving them to you.
    If you do push the issue, make sure your fiance doesn't read any
    of these replies! ;')
    
    

    Okay!  Okay!!  You talked me into it!!!  Yes, I *was* hoping for
    "go ahead" answers, but you all brought up some very valid points.
    
    A lot can happen between now and June, and Dana *is* the type to
    give in once all the dust has settled.  I'll never see my wedding
    day if I push the issue now!  Besides, Chauncey and Nikki are such
    good buddies, I wouldn't want to do anything that might upset their
    purrfect feline existance!  They are inseparable.  Chauncey likes
    to go outdoors during the EARLY morning hours.  After Chauncey leaves,
    Nikki will sit outside my bedroom door, and around 5:30-6:00 a.m.,
    start jumping up and down making little chirping noises like a child.
    This is his way of telling me to bring Chauncey in and give them
    their breakfast (Nikki doesn't meow unless he is frightened; then
    he has a very feral-like cry which can drive you crazy).  He's really
    a riot to watch.  Chauncey has taught him how to play with the toys,
    use the scratching post, and make a pest of himself when he wants
    something.  Wish Chauncey could teach him not to be so skittish
    of everyone and everything that moves.
    
    Thanks for your input.  Don't think I will show Dana these replies
    to avoid the "I told you so's!" but will try to be patient and
    wait before jumping into something I might regret later.
    

    Well, the latest issue of Cats magazine or Cat Fancy has a story
    about a lady who has a home for foster cats.  47 was the current
    count, I think.  Her husband is _allergic_ to cats, but he built
    an enclosed outside play area for them that they could get to from
    inside, and the lady vacuums like a demon.
    
    I do agree that with the upheaval in your life right now, it might
    not be the correct time regardless.  I know how strong a bond can be
    instantly built to a cat, however, so I understand your feelings.
                                     
    I wouldn't marry a man without carte blanche about pussycats, myself.
    (This is no doubt why I have two cats and no husband.)
    

    RE:  .10 - Foster cats
    
    Dana *did* say that he would compromise and we can provide a foster
    home to the overflow cats at the shelter (one at a time, of course).
    
    At first, I was going to purchase the Ragdoll and tell him it was
    a foster cat.  Then, my guilty consience got the best of me, and
    I decided against it and told the truth.  Besides, I would hate
    to spend all that money to find out I must find the kitten a new
    home.
    
    Still considering the idea of foster-catting, although knowing me,
    I would get too attached to each and every one of them and "forget"
    to return them to the shelter.
    

I think you have gotten sound advice from all those who counseled
that you wait before seriously considering more cats, it sounds like
you will have more than enough excitement in your life!

I just had to put in a note in defense of husbands however, several
of the replies said they would have more cats "but their husband 
wouldn't allow it"; I had the impression that husbands in general
had a lower cat_max than wives!!  Our current count is 6 and we both
agree that this isn't cat_mat for us, and MY husband does all the
litter boxes.  It is possible to be happily married and have lots
of cats.

Just had to say it, in case our FELINE readers were misled into
thinking that husbands and cats are mutually exclusive.


Jan  who_has_her_hands_full

    I find that men prefer dogs to cats........at least men that I met.
    My husband will tolerate a cat (when we can get one....we are in
    an apartment with "no cat" status) and he loves *kittens* but not
    *cats*.....I had many men say this though I know there has to be
    some men out there that love those little kitties cats.... 
    
    The going joke around my hubby and friends is:
    
    Men *love* cats while the women are around but once they leave the
    room they kick the cats.....
    
    (Don't worry my husband would never kick an animal, but the line
    that as soon as women leave the room......is the one he thinks is
    funny)  
    
    But once we get a home where we can have a cat - I have to compromise
    with a dog - I love dogs but not dobermans...they scared me when
    I was a kid of course that is the type he likes best!!!!!!!
    
    Good luck with Chauncey, Nikki and Dana.....
    
    Yes, I know how it is to be impatient....I've wanted a cat for so
    long!!!!!!!   The minute I get the green light this kid is getting
    a baby!!!!!!!
    
    Take care,
    
    Bobbi
    

    My feeling on  men --> dogs   and
                 women --> cats
    
    is that it's just cultural stereotyping.  Cats have
    historically been associated with women and other
    'female' type things.  Dogs are masculine, MAN's 
    best friend, etc, etc. etc.  
    
    My husband LOVES cats.  He's not particularly fond of
    dogs.
    
    Donna

    I grew up with both cats and dogs and have always liked cats.  We
    now are taken care of by two.  My wife would love to have another
    3400 or so but we both argee that two is our limit.
    
    	Nelson (who is a male who loves cats and reads this notes file
    regularly) (Punjab & Bennington)
    

    My fiance and I love any kind of animal.  Whether it be cats, dogs,
    rabbits, ferretts, birds, lizards, or fish.   Any living creature.
    In fact, a friend of mine has a taranchula(SP) and I just love to
    sit and watch him in his cage.  Tom is particularly fond of my kitten,
    Silver and the feeling is mutual.  Tom only has to be in the house
    for the maximum of 10 minutes and Silver is on his lap.  When we
    get married in October, we are taking Silver with us and possibly
    getting a dog, too.  I want to breed Silver and Tom is completely
    for it.
    
    Holly
    

    Boy, Holly, you are *the* lucky one.  Tom sounds like a gem!
    
    Last night, I deliberately left the Ragdoll pictures the breeder
    sent me on the kitchen counter so Dana would see them while making
    dinner (yes, he does ALL of the cooking)!
    
    He told me I was mean for doing that to him, but admitted to liking
    the blue-points (I want the seal).  I think I can get him to crack...
    
    BUT, I am willing to wait until after we get settled in our new
    place and the wedding plans start to wrap-up.  Hopefully, in the
    future, I can introduce my new Ragdoll kitten in this very conference.
    
    

    My husband and I have no cat max.  Right now we have seven but the
    number fluctuates ocassionally with the arrival of new kittens.
    Ken helps in the cat chores (he is responsible for litter boxes
    too) and loves the cats as much as I do.
    
    Ken never had cats when growing up and neither did I.  I think we
    are making up for all of that lost time.
    
    I think that Dana will just needs more time to adjust to the two
    cats that you have now.  Once he becomes more comfortable with them,
    he is more likely to want another one around.
    
    Jo