Conference misery::feline_v1

      You bet they are!!  My Ruby-coon was terribly jealous of any guests
    that I would bring home when I was single. He would climb up on
    the sofa and wedge himself between us. By wedging his massive size
    like that, he knew it would slowly push my body away from the "invader"
    to his territory and his "lover". It always worked for him too.
    Sometimes he'd just jump on my lap and immobilize me with his weight.
    And purr, and purr, and purr, showing what a great love he is and
    that no one else could possibly be as deserving of my attention
    as he is. He was only violent if these "invaders" tried to pick
    him up. And to this day, I'm still the only one who can hold him.
      But then along came my future hubby, and I think my Ruby-coon
    knew this was different, my hubby still laughs when he thinks about
    how that huge cat was so incredibly jealous. And now how he sleeps
    with both of us, pinning his victims into the bed, and purring and
    purring and purring. He has accepted that there is another "love"
    in my life, but he still is jealous, you can see it in his face.
    I found that by including him a lot, he realized I wasn't going
    to forget him. When I realized that this was the man that my cats
    were going to have to get used to seeing around, I tried to have
    them sit on my lap with John there, or have them close while watching
    TV, or even all of us going for walks together. By including your
    cats in many facets of your life, especially those that involve
    the person that they are worried and jealous about, they'll realize
    that this person isn't the threat they thought. That you're not
    going to forget about them now. They just need to know you still
    love them just as much and they are not being replaced. They'll
    get used to the new person being around, you'll see!!
    
                                        Denise
    

    I have a very similar problem. I am the author of "Attack Cat".
    I have found that Sy will be civil to someone that feeds him.  Normally
    that person also has to ignore him from the start, that usually
    gets Sy interested enough to climb into that persons lap and see
    if they are cat people.   But I do have one guy that I date that
    Sy stalks the second he enters the house, and Sy has attacked him
    once, I haven't found anything that will overcome the hate Sy has
    over this particular man.  
    
    Has your boyfried fed your cat?  Does he try to play with both of
    your kids? or just the one that likes him?  
    
    Good Luck!
    
    Linda
    

    No, he has never fed them.  I do remember reading your note and
    I think that will be the next plan of (um) attack.  He does play
    with both, or at least tries to.  Mielikki tries to take a piece
    of flesh out of him when he does and he has given up.  So I'll try
    the food thing and I'll let you know if it's working.
    

    absolutely!!  You think you have it bad....my friend's cat decided
    she hated her boyfriend after he, of course, moved in.
    
    Kitty used to leave "calling cards" neatly placed in the middle
    of the boyfriend's pillow.....
    
    I'm not sure how the situation was resolved.  It was a long time
    ago.
    
    My guess as to a good way to deal with jealously has already been
    mentioned.  The way to a cat's heart is thru his tummy.
    
    Good luck!
    
    
    
    ds

    Dump the boyfriend.  I mean, which is more important, anyway?   ;-) 
    
    I think it will take time and patience on all your parts.  My advice
    is:
    
    Have the guy keep playing with the cat and try to avoid bodily
    injury.  This way the cat will learn 1) that he is not going to
    harm her and 2) that he is not going to go away.  
    
    After any attack, you (the owner) must discipline the cat, especially
    if she then comes to you and is so affectionate.  This way the cat
    will learn 1) that you won't stand for this behavior and 2) that you
    won't be pushed around.  Don't pat her and speak nicely to her after
    an attack, this just trains her that what she just did was OK with you.  
    
    I also recommend that you continue to play with the cat, making
    sure she gets all the attention you can give her. She'll learn you
    haven't/wont't push her away.
    
    Having the guy feed her is probably a good idea, though I've never
    tried that one.
    
    I think the most important concepts for the cat to learn here are
    that you still love her and her behavior toward your friend is
    unacceptable.  This may take months, though.  Cats can be incredibly
    stubborn as they train us humans.
    
    But cats aren't dumb, and they know which side their bread is buttered
    on, so to speak.
    
    Good luck.
    
    MM
           

    Of course cats get jealous!
    
    Nebula lived behind the refrigerator for the first few weeks I had
    her, until JFCL realized that Nebula was a small CAT (as opposed
    to some other sort of beast); she had never seen a cat smaller than
    she was before, so I guess that makes sense.  My ex pratically threw
    JFCL out of the house one night for not adjusting quickly enough
    to Nebula's presence (he was a bad-tempered sort of fellow a lot
    of the time; probably the reason The Fickle is a neurotic as she
    is.); she got so frightened that she shit all over the kitchen floor,
    a feat so has only equaled at the vet's (she is the original
    "scaredy-cat" and is terrified of the vet, especially if it is time
    for a blood sample; poor kitty!) -- definitely didn't help matters
    any!  Even female cats are pretty territorial.
    
    Now they get along well most of the time.  Usually Nebula runs the
    household (being half-Siamese), but when she gets too far out of
    line, JFCL gives her a whack across the nose (as if Neb were still
    a kitten), and Nebula calms down.   One time  wheil Neula was outside,
    I heard a big commotion in the back yard.  Neb was out there, trying
    to chase the BIG tomcat (not altered) who lives across the street
    out of the yard, and he wasn't budging.  I opened the door to go
    out and retrieve Neb (to make sure she wouldn't get injured) and
    chase him off myself (he is a very aggressive cat), and JFCL flew
    out past my feet, and together they chased the big tom into his
    own yard!  Talk about teamwork!  I think that the jealousy has a
    lot to do with the territorial behavior.
    
    Nebula loves all humans, except small kids.  JFCL, on the other
    hand, is afraid of and dislikes most people, but is crazy about
    ME (she will tolerate Paul, but doesn't seek him out the way she
    does me).  Both of them get jealous if I don't pay enough attention
    to them, and will appear and be annoying until sufficiently petted.

    The two cats that own Jeff and myself also seem to get jealous.
    Each cat has attached themselves to a specific human and when the
    other cat is in "their" human's lap, there is quite a scene!
    
    Also, when I am trying to play piano, or work on the keyboard and
    Merlin thinks I should be paying attention to him, he keeps jumping
    up on the keyboard and making it rather difficult to do anything
    but pay attention to him.
    
    So - it's not just other humans that make them jealous!
    
    Good luck!
    
    janet b.

    re .7:
    
    
    >Merlin thinks I should be paying attention to him, he keeps jumping
    >up on the keyboard and making it rather difficult to do anything
    >but pay attention to him.
    >
    >So - it's not just other humans that make them jealous!
     
    So true.  _My_ Merlin has firmly attached himself to me (almost
    embarrassingly so; one of my nicknames for him is "puppy cat") --
    I think it's his Manx blood.  Anyway, my Siamese, Karamaneh, doesn't
    mind if Merlin approaches me on his own, but if I or my wife calls
    him, she runs in, too, to get her share of the affection; usually,
    she interposes herself between Merlin and whoever's calling him.
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

    In case anyone is wondering, the idea to have my boyfriend feed
    the cats is working.  He has been feeding them for a few weeks now,
    and Mielikki is responding as planned.  She hasn't scrathced him
    since he began to feed her, and the other night she curled up on
    his lap.  So if anyone out there is having similar problems, try
    it.
    
    

    CONGRATS!!!!!   I'm glad my idea is working.  There is nothing 
    like return love from a fur-faced friend.
    
    Linda
    

    A few months ago I broke up with the boyfriend mentioned in this
    note.  Mielikki went back to her cuddly self, even though she was
    improving while he was around.  I started dating again and brought
    one of my dates home.  Mielikki met him at the door, reached up and
    used his nice new pants as a scratching post.  I thought great,
    here we go again.  About a month ago I started dating again, brought
    the guy home and what does Mielikki do?  Rub up against him!!  Then
    Ishtar plops down on his lap!!  All during their first meeting!
    Now I wonder if Mielikki loves him more than she does me! ;-)
    
    So maybe it has to do with the person as well.  Maybe my cats know
    better than I do ;-)
    
    

    Cats have a strange sense of knowing friend from foe.  Honey is
    usually very afraid of men (men are vets!), so if he warms up to
    someone, it's because he trusts him (or the guy doesn't smell like
    a vet!).
    
    I came home one night after a rather miserable date.  I went to
    pick up Honey for a quick cuddle, but he pulled away from me and
    started to sniff my hands.  This guy's aura must have been all over
    me...Honey actually hissed at me!  Now, that's instinct!
    
    Too bad we can't say "Gee, would you mind stopping by my house so
    my cat can sniff you?".  We gotta find the jerks on our own!
    
    Mary
    

>    Too bad we can't say "Gee, would you mind stopping by my house so
>    my cat can sniff you?".  We gotta find the jerks on our own!
        
        Why can't you say this?  If the guy refuses, then you know
        you've found a jerk, and don't need to get him home for the
        cat sniffing test.  If he agrees, there is hope, but you still
        need the sniff test..
        
        Tom

    Besides, any right minded guy would want to make sure you had cats
    anyway.
    
    Dave

    RE: .14
    
    Hear hear!
    
    Bryan