Conference misery::feline_v1

    Mary Beth, there's nothing I can say to mitigate the sense of loss
    you have with Bo.  I can never replace Morgan, Nianinne, Angelica,
    Morlock, or Sammy.  I know the feeling, all to well; and though
    some of my cats were interred years ago, I still miss them.  And
    mourn them.
    
    My suggestion, though: don't get "another cat"; get _two_.  The
    new family thus will not be a "replacement," and the cats/kittens
    (whichever you decide) will play in ways a solitary cat doesn't.
    
    My condolences and best thoughts.
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.
    

                Re. -1
                
                Absolutely get two!!!!!!!!
                
                
                        /s/     Bob

Hi Mary Beth,

I'm so sorry to hear you lost Bo.  You were so good at writing your
thoughts and helping me feel better when I found out about Brindle.  
I wish I was that good at expressing my sympathies.  

I've read a lot of articles by specialists who specialize in helping
people deal with the loss of a pet.  And when I say 'pet', I mean
the kind of pets that are our "children".  There are lots of people
who don't understand how attached we are to our animals, and how we can 
grieve so much over the loss of "just an animal".  It's interesting..
One of the specialist talked about the things that people will say to
you when they find out you lost a pet.  There were three common things.
I can only remember two now.  They are 1)  "It was only a cat" and 
2)  "You can get another one to replace it".  The specialist said that
these are the worst things that someone can say to a person who just
lost their pet.  Well, they were right.  A year ago, my cat Spot (see
note about Spot at the end of this), got hit by a car and sure enough
everyone was saying "It was only a cat, you can get another one".  
I know they were only trying to help, but it made it worse.  So I quit
telling people what was wrong, unless they knew me well enough to know
that my animals are my "children".  I wish I could remember more of 
what the articles talked about.  I know they helped me understand my
feelings.  Unfortunately, I didn't save them.  Sorry.  The only other
thing that I remember, is one of the articles saying that there is
nothing that will help the pain go away except for time.  This is so
true.  And eventually, when we're ready, we find a new pet to share our
life/love with.  And as you so rightly pointed out in your note, we
don't "replace" our lost pet.  I never want to "forget" about my other
pets.  I have such good memories of them. 

RE: .1 and .2
   
I strongly agree with eventually getting two cats.  For the same reasons,
but also another one.  I find that when I've lost one of my beloved pets,
it helps a little bit not to come home to an empty house.  When I lost 
Spot, I still cried for several nights, but it seemed to make me feel
better to be holding one of my other cats while I was crying.  I knew they
still needed me and I needed them.  Also, boy can animals pick up on our
    moods!  Every time I'm upset and need comforting, I swear my animals
    know it.  They become incredibly affectionate, and don't want to be 
    anywhere but in my lap, comforting me.  

I have a question for you.  When Bo was diagnosed, were the clinical signs
of Leukemia already present?  I guess what I'm wondering is.. What are
the chances of a cat who is diagnosed as a carrier (like Brindle) developing
the Leukemia and dying from it.

Before I go, just a quick cute story about Spot.  When I went to pick him 
up from the vets after he got neutered, the vet said to her helper 
"Will you go get Spot from the back.  He's black and white."  Well, I paid
the bill while I'm waiting for them to bring my cat up front, and I'm waiting..
and I'm waiting,  20 minutes later I'm still waiting...... Finally, the girl 
comes back and says "I looked all over, there isn't any black and white
    dog!!"

Take care, 

- Molly -
          

    I suggest waiting a little while before getting another cat(s).  My
    first cat was hit by a car and it really upset me.  I thought getting
    another one soon (in a week) would help but it didn't.  I almost
    resented the kitten in a way (Who are you when I want *my* cat?)
    at times, but I got over it when the normal mourning period was
    over.  'Course now I wouldn't ever want to lose Schmedley.
    
    -Mike

    Mary Beth sits only three aisles away from me, but she hasn't been
    in lately and now I know why.
    
    Mary Beth, I am very sorry.  If you can, take comfort in the fact
    that you gave him the best medical care available anywhere.  If
    you are religious, consider that Bo was invinciblly innocent, incapable
    of evil but capable of love, and his soul is stainless.
           
    Earl Wajenberg

    I am so sorry for you.  We lost our first cat, Hobie, about two
    years ago.  Even now, I often get teary-eyed when I think of him.
    Time has softened the hurt.  I hope it will do the same for you.
    
    We brought home 2 kittens about a week after Hobie died.  It's hard
    to say if it was the right thing to do.  It took me awhile to love
    them for themselves and to stop comparing them to Hobie.  However,
    having to care for those 2 little guys definately helped me to pull
    myself back together.  Now, of course, I wouldn't trade either of
    them for the world.
    
    My thoughts will be with you,
    
    Lynne
    

    Hi, Mary Beth.
    
    I may have just who you need !
    
    Early Sunday morning, my mama cat gave birth to two BLACK kittens.
    One has white paws/underbelly, and the other is all black.
    
    They're yours in six weeks for free if you speak up soon, else I
    must find another owner.
    
    I still have a wonderful son cat from one of mama's previous litters.
    If he's any indication, these two new black puff balls will be a
    delight as new additions to your family.  To me, he's just the right
    combination of affectionate when I'm there, and independent when
    I'm not.
    
    I think my picking up my kittens every day during their tender weeks
    contributes to their amiable personalities.
    
    I'd love to hear from you soon, Mary Beth.
    
    /Eric

    I went through the same experience two years ago with one of my
    cats. I had two at the time and that helped alot. 
    
    I can't know exactly how you felt at the time but I had Angus for
    the last few moments before the injection and stayed next to him
    throughout. I wouldn't allow a friend like him to go without being
    there to reassure him. I am sure that the relief you gave by being
    there can only be measured by how hard it was for you.
    
    Eventually what matters is that you do the best you can. I hope
    that for you that the worst of the hurt will soon be balanced by
    the weight of the all the rest of time you had together. 
    
    							.wIx.
    

Thank you all so much, my kind unseen (except for Earl!) friends, for your
notes of sympathy and support in my grieving for Bo.  Your words helped more
than I can say.  I will be in touch with each of you individually through
MAIL, since each of you wrote words that comforted me in so many different
aspects of this painful process called mourning.

The pain is still pretty acute, but I'm having more and more "good" days now;
it's true that only time will help.  I've already had several offers of black
kittens, but I will have to take some time make a decision.  I AM looking 
forward to new little pawprints around the place.  Will soon be entering 
another note about that.

Once again, thanks.  Please, all of you, give your cats a special hug tonight
for me and Bo.  

Mary Beth

I'm sorry about your cat and I know how you feel because I got home this
past Friday night after having to leave two of my three cats outside for
the day, to discover that only one was home.  Two of my cats come out
with me in the morning when I feed my horses and return with me to the
house when I go in.  On this Friday, I was running late and did not have
time to wait until my cats returned home.  A neighbor came over to tell
me that another neighbor's dog had killed my cat and when she tried to
save it, the dog ran off with it.  I had a problem with this dog two
years ago.  It killed 3 barn kittens, 4 chickens, 5 rabbits, and killed
25 of a neighboring farm's rabbits.  I had complained to the people that
owned the dog and had not seen it again in the past two years.  The dog
was still on my property on this Friday night but the owner of the dog
denied that the dog had been on my property or that it would kill a cat.
All I could do was call the dog officer.  The worst part was, that my
cats were in their own yard.  They were not out in the road or on some-
one else's property.  It means that I can no longer let my cats out in
their own yard to climb trees and run around.

I felt and still feel the same feelings that you do plus I have to
watch my two other cats waiting at the door for their friend to come
home.  I can deal with my grief and try to understand it, but I can't
explain to the other cats that Freddie will never come home.

Linda McCormack from another account

    I, too, am sorry to hear of your loss.  All of us who have had pets
    can understand the power of the loss.  The memories they give us
    are worth it.
    
    The only thing I would want to add, being a terrible realist, is
    that you check with your vet about getting another cat soon.  I
    seem to remember reading that, after a cat has had feline leukemia,
    one should wait some length of time (I seem to remember 6 months)
    before bringing another cat into the same house.
    
    I wish you recovery.  Cats are by for the best companions. 
    
    Ellen
    

re .10
                                              
1) Get a gun.  
                                         
2) Use gun on unwanted intruder.

No more problem with letting your cats out.

If your neighbor complains, go to step 2.

- Chris

I, too, wish to express my sympaties to Mary Beth and Linda McCormick.

My wife and I are also in mourning this day.  Yesterday, as my wife was 
cleaning our garage, she happened to leave the basement door open, and our cat 
apparently got out of the house.  I say apparently because, of course, she
hasn't seen her since before that time.  Well, not knowing what had happened,
my wife closed the garage door, then went to the grocery store.  It was hours
later that we realized what had happened.  We've searched throughout the
neighborhood, but haven't found a clue to her wherabouts.

Tabatha has been with my wife for over 13 years now so you can imagine the
impact this has had on her.  She is a beautiful all white pure Angora.  Being 
stictly a house cat, Tabatha is totally unfamiliar with the outside world, 
other than an occasional excursion on out back porch.  This worries us for
a number of different reasons:

	1)  Her front claws had been clipped recently cause she'd been clawing
	the walls and carpet, so we aren't sure just how well she'd be able to 
	climb a tree if needed.

	2)  She hadn't been out enough to become at all familiar with the
	vicinity, so we fear she may be lost.

	3)  Being pure Angora, someone may have found her and took her home.
	I've made up flyers with her picture hoping that if this had happened,
	they will return her.

We are hoping that somehow she will return to us, and we will, again, be
one happy family.  Right now, we aren't certain of anything.

-Andy

    RE: .13
    
    Andy, I'm sorry to hear about Tabatha.  I hope you find her soon.
    
    A couple of suggestions.  Keep walking the neighborhood and calling
    for Tabatha for at least the next couple of days.  My family has
    had a couple of cats get lost, and we called and looked for days.
    And when the cats finally heard us calling, they were so happy to
    be found.  Don't give up yet.  We've always found our cats.  (One
    was missing for 5 days.)
    
    The other suggestion is to make sure you offer a sizable reward
    on the fliers you made up.  Unfortunately, these days a lot of people
    are money hungry.  There's a good chance that someone might be holding
    her until they can get the reward money.
                              
    Also, you've probably already done this, but just in case you haven't.
    Call the dog/animal officers for your town and neighboring towns
    and tell them your looking for your cat.  And also call any Humane
    Societies in the area.  And if they haven't heard anything yet,
    then leave your name and number with them so they can call if something
    turns up in the near future.
    
    Good Luck,  I hope Tabatha is home again very soon.  
    
    - Molly -
                                                       

    RE: .13,.14
    
    Andy,
    
    I would encourage you to follow the advice in 14; but do go out
    calling for a number of weeks.  Caro, who has her own door at home, 
    went AWOL four years ago (from a friends house where she was staying)
    and was gone for six weeks to the day...was an awful time.  I feel so 
    for all of youy in your loses.  Those who don't see their animals as 
    family members really just don't comprehend the amount of pain
    involved for those of us who do.
    
    My thoughts are with a number of you right now,
    							Audrey
    

    I forgot to mention something in .14.   A good time to go out calling
    and looking, is in the middle of the night, between 3AM and 5AM.
    Especially for an indoor cat like yours who is probably very scared being
    outside.  At this time of night, everything is usually very peaceful
    and calm, and she's more likely to be walking around rather than
    hiding someplace.  Also, your voice will carry farther and Tabatha
    has a better chance of hearing you.  (I'm not sure how much our
    neighbors appreciated our middle-of-the-night searches, but our cats 
    sure did when we found them!)
    
    - Molly -
    

Andy,

Please know that many many energies are going your way to help you find Tabitha.
As I said in my previous note, you're going through the worst kind of grief and
I really feel for you and your wife.  It's still early yet, though, so I think
the odds are with you to find her.

I absolutely agree with the previous replies -- especially with Molly's 
suggestion of going out calling in the middle of the night.  It's very likely
that's the time she will hear you if she's around.  Also, it's been suggested
to "check the neighborhood" -- that means AGGRESSIVELY!  Actually go around and
knock on doors -- I think you'll find most people will be nice and sympathetic,
and the fact that they've seen you in person will jog their memories if they
do see her around.  Ask people to check their garages and cellars.

You might want to spend a little money to take out a small ad with her photo
in the paper -- it shouldn't cost too much, and it would reach a much wider
audience.  With a pretty cat like that (I was always afraid of this with Bo,
since he was such an elegant black cat), the possibility of catnapping is
always there.  That's why I ALWAYS kept a collar on Bo, with his address and
phone number written right on it -- I figured somebody would have to be a
real sleazebag to take a cat whose owner so obviously wanted him reported if
he got "lost".  If Tabitha didn't have a collar, I highly recommend that you
get one when you find her again.

I and all the cat lovers in this notesfile will be praying for a happy ending
to this ordeal for you and Tabitha.  Please let us know what happens.

Mary Beth

    re .10
    
    I agree with .11 -- Kill the dog if you see it on your property
    again.  To be fair, you might notify the dog's owner of what
    will happen to the dog if it sets foot on your property.  I don't
    know the legal ramifications of this -- it might behoove you do
    be rather vague about what might happen to the dog, and not
    say anything afterwards.  
    
    I'm not really such a cold-hearted b*s**rd, but killer dogs are
    not a mere annoyance, but rather a real social menace.  I don't
    actually like killing anything more attractive than a cockroach,
    but I'd consider the dog in question to be a special case.
    If you can't bring yourself to kill it, even the threat might
    produce some results.
    
    		George

Re: .10

Linda,

Even though I am going through my own grief right now, my heart broke even 
more when I read your story.  The suddenness and violence of your beloved 
pet's death, and the sadness and confusion of your other two cats, must be
almost unbearable.

Your anger is absolutely justified, and I would indeed fight tooth and nail
to see that no other animals are hurt or killed by your "neighbor"'s dog
(Dogs learn everything from their masters, so your "neighbor" must be a real
you-know-what).  What did the dog officer do?  I can't believe that he/she
would just shrug it off.  This dog is obviously a dangerous nuisance to the
entire neighborhood, and as such, can be dealt with in the law.  I'm sure 
your town at the very least must have a leash law, and that means that the
dog must either be confined to the owner's property or kept on a leash AT ALL
TIMES, and that is an ENFORCEABLE law.  The owner can and should be brought
to court and made to account for the animal's behavior.  Please pursue this --
the dog officer can impound the dog and bring the owner to court.  I know;
I used to date an animal control officer, and often accompanied him to court
on these kinds of charges.  INSIST THAT SOMETHING BE DONE, or else take the
jerk to court yourself.  

I know that this will take some time and aggravation, but this channelling of
some of your grief into action will help comfort you.  And, you'll also be
comforted by knowing you've done something to stop the violence your neighbor-
hood has been subjected to.  (You can probably get some other neighbors to 
join you.)  

Please know that lots of us are thinking about you and support you.  Let us
know how you're doing.

Mary Beth

The notes I've been entering tonight remind me that once again I want to thank
all of you for your many mail messages as well as these "public" notes.  I print
off each of them, and it helps so much to read them often and know how many 
of you have been as touched by the love of a pet as I have.  Once again, I am
trying to get in touch with each of you individually, but since I haven't
totally succeeded yet, please know how much you've helped me.

Re: .11:

Thank you, too, Ellen, for your kind and supportive words.  I must, however,
correct your impression of the amount of time that should elapse before
bringing new cats into a house where a cat with FeLV has been.  I have heard
others express this same fear, so I must try to give out the correct info.
(Unfortunately, I have had to learn more than I ever wanted to know about 
FeLV over the past months...)

It is absolutely NOT TRUE that one must wait six months for new cats to
be brought into the same environment that contained a cat with FeLV.  
Dr. Susan Cotter at the Tufts Univ. Vet. School, who is one of -- if not 
THE -- foremost authorities in the world on FeLV, told me in no uncertain 
terms that the virus cannot live outside of a cat's body (where incidentally, 
it is the most concentrated in the saliva, thus so easily spread among cats).  
She was monitoring Bo in her program -- and she's the one who treated him when I
rushed him down to Tufts with his fatal illness -- so I've had the opportunity
to ask her specifically about this.  Although Tufts "officially"
recommends a one-month delay in bringing new cats in, she's found that even
a week is completely safe.  

But -- I wouldn't want to get a new cat any less than (at least) a month after
my beloved pet died.  This grieving process -- as painful and gut-wrenching as 
it still is -- must contain enough time for the heart to begin to heal, and 
for the spirit to learn.  (I've sure done a lot of learning over the
past few weeks -- and it sure isn't easy...)

Mary Beth

Thanks to all of you who responded to my note.  Though I didn't have to use
it, all of the suggestions given were well taken and, hopefully, will be
useful to others.

I left work at noon yesterday because neither I nor my wife (who was home)
were handling this very well.  I had made up some 200 flyers (did I mention 
that before) with a picture of Tabatha the night before, and had distributed
them that evening throughout our neighborhood and some adjacent neighborhoods 
as well.  Deciding that a 'media blitz' was the best method of making people
aware of our plight, I decided to make some 200 additional copies and distribute
them throughout the general area there was a good possibility she may have
been picked up by someone just passing through.  This included posting them
on telephone poles, and asking local merchants if they would post them in
their windows, or somewhere in their business.  The people here were *so*
kind!  Not one single merchant turned us down (they got a look of the picture
and that was it!).  We also called the local cable company who run an 
advertisement channel, and asked them to run an ad for us (they agreed, and
said they'd do it for free!).  We were going to take out an ad in the newspaper
later in the afternoon.

Well, as luck would have it, after spending most of the afternoon distributing
flyers, we got a phone call from one of our local neighbors who had spotted
her at ~10:00 that morning playing with her cat.  However, she was scared off 
by the neighbor's dogs and she hadn't seen her since.  That was all it took.
We hurried to the vicinity she was spotted, and a quick check found her huddled
next to a tree in a heavily wooded area.  She is now home, safe and healthy.
Funny thing (not really funny) tho is that, although she went a day without
food or water (and for her that's a miracle; she's eats constantly, but that's
another story), we both think she actually enjoyed being out and she didn't
even want to come back, at least at that time.

Comments on some of the earlier suggestions:

My wife called, and called, and the cat never came.  We are now fairly certain
the cat was always in earshot of our voices.  I can only assume, as I stated
earlier, that she either wasn't ready to return, or was too scared to respond.
Because she seemed to enjoy the outdoors, we may experiment with letting
her out into the yard occasionally.

I had stated in the flyer there would be a reward if she were found.  But
I purposely neglected to state how much the reward would be.  If someone
had found our cat, and we identified it, then we'd have talked reward.  There
is no need to talk reward with someone who hasn't got what we're looking
for.

So, to wrap things up, she's back, and now I've got to go around and take
down all the flyers we posted the day before.  (I don't really *have* to,
but they were nice enough to let us put them up, that's the least I can do.)


with the most famous cat in Kennesaw, GA....

-Andy

    re the nasty dog:
    
    If you want the dog dealt with, the biggest danger is ending up on the
    wrong end of an animal cruelty charge. Your best bet is to call the
    police or whatever local authorities there are and make a complaint.
    Depending on how angry you are, you can do anything this way from
    putting the fear of God into the dog's owners to having the authorities
    do away with the dog for you. Remember that if you have the dog killed,
    it's not going to set well with its owners (they probably think it's
    sweet and wouldn't hurt a fly).
    
    	Jon 

    re 22:
    
    The presumption of the readers seems to be that formal and informal
    complaints go nowhere.  If the local dog officer or police can do
    something, good.  If not, the animal ought to be dealt with so that
    he won't harm or kill other cats/dogs/whatever.  A have-a-heart
    trap might catch him (I'd be reluctant to tackle a catkiller otherwise,
    if I wasn't prepared to hurt him defending myself), but onnce you've
    got him, what then?
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.
    

        Re .21
                
                A solution to letting her get out for a while without 
        the risk of having her run off - get a harness and leash (NOT a 
        collar! If a collar is tight enough to prevent her from slipping 
        out, it is MUCH too tight!) and let her out in a supervised 
        manner. We do this with our cat (for almost 15 years now), and 
        it works out very well.
                
                /s/     Bob