Conference back40::soapbox

As the killer stood over the dead body and dropped the gun, he hoarsely
whispered, "This has been done before. And it wasn't a good idea then, either."


			- The End -

Once upon a time they lived happily ever after.

until after caught up with them. he was hopping mad and pulled out a gun....

    
    ...then the local authoritities called in the BATF.

they waited, set fire to the place they were staying in, killing everyone in
sight. Janet Reno was quoted as saying.....

    
    burn baby...burn.
    

    
    Disco inferno!
    

    ...but the victim was wearing a polyester suit with tight unbuttoned
    shirt and long gold chains, so After was rightfully let go on the DRS 
    defense ("Disco Repulsion Syndrome").   

    ...which Jack Kervorkian subsequently used as the main defense in his 4th
    trial...

which was the assisted suicide of Bob Dole...

    
    ..causing mr. bill to reconsider his opinion of Kevorkian
    

    tee hee hee

    ...and Dr. Jack got so popular he managed to save up enough money to
    get out of that rusted VW Bus that he's probably owned since he started
    putting dogs out of their misery on the freeway.

    
    ...and he went out and bought MakMike's dirt-track racer to carry
    around his chemistry set of death...

    because he still couldn't afford that purple Lincoln he'd been eying in
    the two parking spaces...

    ...which consequently burst into flames after the last round of
    layoffs...

    ...as the employees roasted the squid from the salad bar on sticks. The
    gathering around the flaming Lincoln proved to be the best boxbash in
    years, and most converted to paganism afterward...

    ...except Mz_Debra, who absolutely KNEW God was real after that
    lightning bolt struck the much hated purple monstrosity that habitually
    takes up two prime parking places...

    Until a deep and booming voice announced,
    
    "Missed again, dammit".
    
    

    So the voice uttered in disgust....
    
    
    
    Yastrzemski was indeed a bumb!

...and the Red Sox won the pennant.

    
    But lost to the Cubs in the World Series

and everyone woke up and saw it was just a dream.

    And Marge Schott drowned her sorrows in cognac, and woke up married to
    a black, Jewish gentleman, a la Sammy Davis Jr.

    
    	Sammy Davis Jr. was married to a black, Jewish gentleman?
    

| And Marge Schott drowned her sorrows in cognac, and woke up married to
| a black, Jewish gentleman, a la Sammy Davis Jr.

	who was quite rotted	

    ...but that just helped the black jewish mafia get their point across,
    that and the fact that Marge, after looking beneath the blankets, found
    out that it was only SDJ's head she woke up beside...

    ...and upon seeing the marraige certificate called on the services of
    Dr. Jack, who rambled up in MadMike's 454 camaro, which he had taken
    the 454 out and put a 350 in because the gas prices were too high to
    maintain a big block...

    ...unfortunately, the "350" was a 4-cylindar- he had been bamboozled! 
    To his dismay, he couldn't make it up the hill to reach Marge's
    house- though he was getting very good gas milage while making no
    progress.

    ...and the black Jewish mafia's hitman, who was in fact hispanic
    Jewish(Juan Epstien from "welcome back kotter") rolled up in a lowrider
    Ford Taurus Wagon, the fugliest car of them all, and pointed his
    semi-auto water cannon out the window...

where he was told to put that back into his pants

    which was supposed to be Glen Silva's job, but he was playing softball
    that day, and meeting a friend at the 99 for dinner that night, so Juan
    had to fend for himself...

but that didn't work out for him because he realized it got caught in his
zipper

    and the Taurus plowed into the Camaro, sending a fireball 100 feet into
    the sky...

    Not the first time he had caught a fly ball too.

    
    	... looking at the Camaro, the firefighter said "1 down, millions
    	more to go".
    

    ...and all the documents connecting Clinton to the black Jewish mafia
    were charred beyond readability...

    
    ..while overhead, shooting out from the cloudcover there came a ...

    ...deleted note from Dick Binder...

which sent the box into a tornado...

    ...her shrink, so she wouldn't break down and end up in somebody's back
    yard again...

    
    but Lois did anyway..and while stretched out on the shrinks couch
    her...
    

shrink saw that she had a big boob cake...

    
    a really, really, really big one.
    

    and the shrink violated ethics laws by seducing her and whisking her
    away to cancun...

...after the shrink dumped Lunchbox because he got pregnant...

    ...and Lunchbox went on to make millions as the first father to give
    birth, while Moroney sweated it out at DEC until, blinded by rage, he
    ran into a fire hydrant and broke his arm...

at which time an almost blind dog thought he was the fire hydrant....

    ..but at least the fire on maroney's pants was extinguished!!!!

but not the passion

    
    meanwhile, back in Cancun Lois and her shrink visited the local...
    

taco bell, where Little Richard

    
    
    >where Little Richard
    
    We ain't talking about your personal anatomy, here...
    

    was asking for directions to Atlantic City, where he had found steady
    employment as a casino greeter. He found nobody who could speak
    english, however, so he took out his...

said little richard to andy 

    

    
    and he showed it to everybody.
    

but no one had a magnifying glass

    
    i wish i had one.
    

    with the exception of the great Sherlock Holmes...

    
    who was also very puny
    

    ...and he (Sherlock Holmes) stopped everybody cold by asking "Who
    is this 'Data' person who keeps trying to impersonate me?"...

    So holmes, little richard, lois and the shrink went to California and
    busted Charles Manson out of the clink...

so it was decided that a poll should be taken to find out...

    ...if Charles Manson's forehead swastika is still visible to most
    humans...

    It couldn't be missed, however, so it was decided Chaz would be more of
    a burden than an assett. So they...

    
    Lois shaved herself for the event.
    

    They held chaz at knifepoint and forced him to sing his own song,
    "garbage dump"
    
    Garbage dump oh garbage dump
    why are you called the garbage dump
    garbage dump oh garbage dump
    that sums it up in one big lump

    ...and they turned Charles Manson into one of those bloody sayings
    on a wall with the following words...
    

    "Chili dildos. Line 'em up!"

    ..."I thought the Beatles were singing to me personally?  Was I nuts?"...
    

    Juan Epstien's death must be avenged.
    
    Dr. Jack is a quack
    
    piggy

    and then suddenly a dark stranger appeared at the door saying...

    "My name is Jack Martin and I'm here to save the planet"...

    
    
                        _____________________________
                        |    _________________      |
                        |            |              |
                        |            |              |
                        |            |              |
                        |            |              |
                         \    |      |             /
                          \    \     |            /
                           \    \    |           /
                            \    \   |          /
                             \    \__|         /
                              \               /
                               \             /
                                -------------

    
    	Isn't that what usually follows a really graphic Marilyn
    	Chambers movie?
    

    Why did Lunchbox draw a pair of Jockey shorts? I'm very confused as to
    how it fits in the story.  :-S

    Because that is Super Jack's logo.
    
    Super Jack is the defender of the meek.
    
    The destroyer of socialism.
    
    And now he must avenge the death of Dr. Jack, with Lois, and the
    

    I meant to say he must avenge the death of Juan Epstien with Lois, the
    shrink, and Little Richard.

     Juan Epstien is dead!?!?!?!

    He got stuck in his zipper and crashed into Dr. Jack's 4-banger camaro
    way back around .30.

    I'm not reading the story any more. It is just to damn depressing.

    ...but this is where the plot thickens!!!!

    and the plot turned into.... mush.
    
    which reminds me of a story....

there once was a lady from Nantucket

    
    ...whos measurements began with "88".

    Unfortunately, she had very small feet and kept falling over.

because she had HUGE tracts of land!

    
    And that's when my eye's fluttered open as I lifted my head from 
    my desk, quickly wiping away a small puddle of drool shocked to see... 

    When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary...

    to go to the necessary room, where I saw...

    Asign on the wall that said...
    
    "It's From the Declaration of Independence You Idiot!!!!"

and everyone got on their knees and bowed their heads saying, "we're not
worthy" to Steve Leech, who said....

    
      "While your down there, polish my shoes!"

    8^)

    
    A mocking smile cam over Steve's face as he...

flashed back to the days when he and the other founding fathers would sit
around with a cold brew and talk about what freedom really was....

    .....while the street rabble would scrabble around on rheumy knees and
    polish the bickles on their shoes.

    .... all the while wondering where on earth that smile cam came from,
    much less who thought up the concept of the smile cam. After a few more
    minutes of pondering he ......

    ...scratched his butt and went back to bed, where he found...

    
    	... that his fingernails were now crudded up.
    

    You see, it appears Mr. Leech had sat in a seat that was previously
    occupied by a candy bar slurping 3 year old.

    ...named Jack Martin who...

    had just given lord Hemmerhoid a call right before eating a Kit
    Kat...the wrapper was chocolaty and he felt compelled to leave it there
    because 

    there was a frown cam recording his every move. So, bearing in mind that
    CPU cycles were being wasted, not to mention disk space, he then
    cracked open a...

    
    	...large can of Fosters and proceeded to swill to his hearts
    content. Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
    
    

    ... they were trying to figure out why this kid had more than one
    heart. So, they checked out a web site, where they found...

    
    A gushing letter from Mr. Bill to Ted Gunderson professing his undying
    love for...

frogs

              eh?
	      /
	  oO)-.
	 /__  _\       
	 \  \(  |      
	  \__|\ {                                             
	  '  '--'   

yes, frogs. Mr. Bill loves them so much because when he gives them a kiss, they
always turn into....

    black helicopters, which continually fly over...

bill clinton's house dropping....

    ..trou. But Bill couldn't see their bumbs because he was busy pulling out
    his....

train, you see he has a train set at home.

    
    	Bill owns a moderate-sized engine and passenger car and Hillary
    	has an above-average caboose.
    

    Bill's train set was mysteriously non-functional, due to the...

        ....amount of alcohol he had consumed. Not even the white house aids
    could help him so he...

called the secret service over who told him they were going to take his...

    
    ...all his toys away unless he...
    

kisses Hillary, to which he said...

    got the exclusive right to the movie, "Toy Story".  He was told he
    looked just like Bud Light Year, and he also

found out that it was Buzz Light year, so he...

    ...acted like him.  

    ...and then Suzanne Conlon, in an act to express her undying love for
    Bill, had Ron Brown killed...

    while Hillary pulled a train... resulting in...

    ...a violent notes collision, which resulted in the death of...
    

    
    
    ..numerous 'boxers and a rogue ferret (who happened to be on a
    Barca-lounger). Suddenly, a twister sprang up....
    
    
    

    
    	... and frightened Miss Muffet away.
    

    And while Miss Muffet was running, following close by was the ferret's
    owner, the Lovely Mary Michael shrieking, "COME BACK HERE MISS MUFFET
    YOU LITTLE....

    furry animal. Now hold still while I...

         This story is boring, and you people are sick. 

| furry animal. Now hold still while I...

	get Mr Walker to be nice. But realizing this can't be done, they put
the furry animal in Mr Walker's...

    
    
    	....shorts and watched him jump around like a frog on steroids. He
    screamed...
    
    

    ..."ooh baby ooh baby, do that again!"  then he said...

oops...I pooped.....to which the animal.....

    
    
    	...ran like the dickens straight into...
    
    

his butt...because the animal was attracted to the smell as it reminded the
animal of....

...Glen's favourite treat.

    brownies!

    Unfortunately, the Brownie troop mistook the ferret for a big rat, and
    ran away screaming towards... 

    ...hank and his t-ball players, hoping they would...
    
    

    
    	beat the hell out of it with their bats!
    	But, they missed that too and...

hit a ball his way as this ferret is really a reincarnation of Willie Mays....

    ...who tries to catch it, but gets smacked in the head- knocking it
    senseless.  The Brownies, seeing their opportunity, take the bats away
    from the t-ball players and run towards the dazed rodent.  Surrouding
    it, they raise their bats and...

    
    
    	..beat it into a bloody puddle of ferret snot. Pleased with their
    work they....
    
    

    
    	... quickly shampooed the barcalounger ...
    

    ...which really ticked off Hank, because he was sitting in it at the
    time.  Now covered with suds, he...

 and then? 



       he  tied her up



 and then?


    He turned on the buzz saw



 and then, and then?




 along came Jones..

    ...who hosed the suds off Hank, then turned the hose on the
    mischievious Brownies.  Unfortunately for the hoser (but fortunate for
    the national media machine), the elder Brownie
    was packing, and filled him full of holes with a 9mm semi-automatic
    assault handgun w/laser sights and silencer, which she aquired via 
    illegitemate means.
    
    Clinton, hearing this on the news (over and over and over), began
    pushing for more gun-control laws to save us from pistol-packing
    Brownies.
    
    
    The End.  

and Nancy Reagan just kept saying no, no, no...to which Ronny said....

    
    "There you go again"....
    
    

    .153
    
    There's no  "..and", this story is finished.  I mercifully put it out
    of its misery.  
    
    You have to start a new one, if you wish to contine.  8^)

    
    once upon a time, there was a young couple who lived in the woods...
    
    

    
    	... they made their living by manufacturing and selling goods.
    

    Baked goods that is.  Boob cakes mainly but they also offered several
    varieties of

    hash brownies. These were especially popular

    
    	with the digital engineers. Their managers however....
    
    

    didn't like body dancing so,

the vp's layed them all off....

    
    
    ....and that was the best thing, for they were living an illusion.
    

as it turns out we don't have that many vp's in reality

    
      BUT, we do have a lot of pv's in fantasy land.

    The End.

                                        
                                             *
                                           *
      Here's to a new beginning.....     \ /
                                          |
                                          =

    .166
    
    Sorry, this was supposed to post after the "layoff" part of the story. 
    Seems some quick fingered folk pre-posted me.

    
    .168   Ya waited too long!!!!!!!

    
    	RE: Steve
    
    	Yes, I know how tough it is when 3-4 people "sneak" replies in
    	within a 25-minute time span.  8^)
    

    Well, I was temporarily distracted by a phone call...it happens.  8^)

    
    are you allowed to dial 1-900 numbers at work?

    
    
    	1-900-SHEEP

    My taunt list is growing by the hour...

    
    
    :)
    
    

so send the sheep to steve prior....

    No, no, Glen.  You have to START a story.  You keep trying to continue
    a non-existing plot.  Do try to keep up.   

	You started it when you said your taunt list is growing by the hour....
Now if you don't want people to think you didn't start a new story, don't end
with the .... :-)  So do try to keep up......

    while we return to our story:
    
    
    Sky King and Penny were at 30,000 feet when Penny turned to Sky King
    and said:

    ...."We probably should have worn parachutes for this drop, no?"...
    

    
    ....suddenly...the ground was upon them. 
    
    with no more than 50 feet left, and seconds from their deaths.
    Timmy & Lassie, Bozo the clown, Engineer Bill, and the Creature
    from the BLack Lagoon came running and they had a large, round....
    

    
    ...trampoline.  As Penny and Sky King headed back up into the sky
    a few thousand feet, Sky King said to Penny...
    

    
    ..."Penny, this looks familiar.  I think we're lost.  We seem to be
    falling in circles."  Penny replied to Sky King with sarcasm...
    
    

    
    
    	"you idiot! I told you to bring the compass". Sky king looked down
    at his...
    
    

    ...sweaty pennis. But all he could think about was his desire for...

 Drake's coffee cakes....

    
    ...and the live death of Timothy Leary, reeling on acid, via the
    Internet...suddenly, Mr. Leary was outside looking in, and said...

...don't trust anyone above a level 42.

as all they know is the acronym, TFSO.

    > as all they know is the acronym, TFSO.
    
    all to make stockholders happy..
    
    sometimes ya can't see the trees for the forest..
    

when you're stuck in a bush

    and the only tool you have is a bush trimmer...

    ...for which Penthouse magazine obviously has a corner on the market...

as they are bushwacked issue after issue...

 They all lived happily ever after.


 The end.

    > They all lived happily ever after.
    
    No, they didn't. They fought bitterly like llamas and coyotes, and
    wound up in divorce court. then Melanie married a coyote, Don married a
    llama, who took it a lot in:
    
    > The end.

    Massechusetts where the current kinder and gentler republican party
    explained to the llama that they would like to help it, but nothing
    appeared in their current gospel of.....

    
    
    	egad Meg, the least you could do is spell it right...! ;*)
    
    

    and so the llama had to flee the country looking for political asylum.
    upon reaching the country of nepal, the llama found...

    The Dali Lama, but he was no relation, so the Dali.....

    had a domestic partnership agreement drawn up...

    ...and they adopted a son and named him boutros-boutros llama...

...who was the orphaned son of a poor, black sharecropper.

and is one of the many personalities of Glenn Richardson...

    The black choppers then began to terrorize people in remote areas, not
    the coffee table where most remotes can be found, but areas far far
    away where the sun or the cold bends the minds of the people. After
    several more sightings of the black choppers....

people realized that these were really neat bikes!

    until a group of maddened southern townspeople discovered one broken
    down on a country road, where they brought torches and pitchforks,
    and...

    
    ...had this great marshmallow roast, and then...
    

    ...tossed the interlopers into the fire, tying bags of marshmellows to
    them.  After a few moments...

    They started singing about the campfire, creating an Ode to Carl
    Yastrzemski!

    Who, as we all know, is a bumb!

    ...but who, thankfully, doesn't play for the Rangers, currently the 
    hottest baseball...

    card collection set in Yosemite Valley.

    Meanwhile, Newtrose Newtrose-Gingy is trying to get drafted onto
    a baseball team so that he can...

single-handedly save the boston red sox from their worst...

    laundry diaster ever.  Based on the latest dirt, the Tide is changing
    to....

    the 11 o'clock news where Digital Equipment Corporation announced it's
    latest product, the:

...Ronco Extraneous Apostrophe Inserter.

    Monte Vista, where searches for lost employees are expected to rise...

    above the national debt. Meanwhile, Rush Limbaugh hurtled toward
    certain

    Presidential Victory.

    ...[Presidential Victory]...of the old "talk show folks" home where
    he fell down and broke his...

    widdle biddy wee wee wonker which he'd had since a child.  Because of
    this, he began to...

    ...use hot air to try to make it seem a lot bigger.  But it didn't
    work, so he took his TV cameras and threw them into...

    Bill Clinton's lap, where Jennifer Flowers suffered a severe
    concussion, thus leading to an interesting court case where:

    by a miracle of clod, Foster was resurrected and pointed a decayed
    finger towards Clinton and said,

I'm going to Disney!!!

    ...At Disneyland, Goofy has informed management that he is quitting
    so he can go to work for Digital and participate in Soapbox.  The
    Disney management said...

    ... Must be one of those 50 open Vice President positions. Do you
    realize you're going to a company in the throws of employee engagement
    and dehiring? 
    Goofy gave a long thoughtful look, then he began to scratch his...

    ...pet wombat.  Goofy announced, "I'm going to Digital anyway"
    where he now notes from the account WOMBAT::MENSROOM.  "What a 
    triumphant...
    

        ... feeling it is to be Digital's new Vice President of Wombat
    Benchmarking Americas Business Unit, Northeastern Southern North
    American Area!"

    .. Goofy then dialed up his first chopper request because he forgot his
    dog woofies back at the house, and he didn't want to ride the limo all
    the way home. Meanwhile, he notice his admin assistant gazing
    longingly at his...

marsupial.  She'd never seen one that shape before.
"I thought they were only active at night" she said, watching it......

    ...crawl into its own pouch.  Goofy said, "That's a cool trick!
    I wish I could crawl into my own..."
     

    ... synergy! Oh dear! Listen to me! I sound goofy!"
    
    "You are Goofy sir." replied his admin assistant.
    
    Goofy flew into a rage and in a very cartoonlike way began to ....

    sing to Morris the Midget the Moose.  Morris realizing that Goofy was
    obviously suffering from a concussion summoned...

    ...Dr. Bombay, Dr. Bombay.
    
    Dr. B was most annoyed, of course, because he was with his nurse 
    when he got the call and they were just about to...
    

    ...go out for drinks with fred the ferret. but as fred hated goofy
    he wanted to go along with dr.b. and get his revenge. 
    dr. b told him to "go ferret", and so he did and when fred 
    found goofy he... 

    ...accused Goofy of murdering his cousin, even though he knew his
    cousin was mercilessly flogged by the Brownies two stories ago.  With
    an evyl grin, Fred...

called on aunt Clara so he could pick out the right sized doorknob to insert...

    Into the secret door in goofy's mansion.  However, just as she answered
    the phone aunt Clara heard a dreadful...

        ... failed two cheek sneak. Man! Was it ever loud! She looked around to
    see who the culprit was. She couldn't believe her eyes! It was....

    ::MENSROOM, who then belched loudly and proclaimed:

    Clara dearest!  I have the......

    cucumber you wanted.  Quickly Clara grabbed the cucumber, pulled out a
    knife and began to...

        .... sing a frightfully witty little ditty known as...

    The Monster Mash.  Soon the entire mansion was ...

    ...wondering why the entire Bewitched cast was sitting around talking,
    since they were all dead...

    ...that's right...dead stinking drunk. 

    "I need another drink!!", proclaimed Endora as she

    punched Derwood in the

    ...dustbin.  Then she turned him into a...
    

    left cheek of his somewhat flat bumb.

    At least he wasn't a TOTAL ass, then...  Derwood responded by
    going to work and telling Larry...

    Hey Larry, how can I remove a fist print from my bumb?

    
    
    	Rub some Avon Skin So Soft on it, it removes everything!
    	So he......
    

    And Larry said, first you have to quit being so anal.  I always thought
    you were straigh, but you concentration on such things leads me to
    wonder about you and your aunt......

    ... the aunt who drives an 18 wheeler for a living, and wrestles
    alligators for a living, and who told Larry that he was a 

    Snarf.

    ... communist, pig-licking, toe-jam eating bog-wallower.  But no, that
    was a different aunt- who's name was...

    Sue, after the transition.  before that life was tough for a boy named
    Sue.  Sue spat out a wad of tobbaccy and said...

    "Kiss my grits!" 
    
    Meanwhile back in Washington D.C., the Whitehouse gardner
    discovered....

        ... that the old man was dead and that he was being thrown out. He
    wandered around the friendly neighbourhoods in D.C. for quite some time
    before he walk into....

    a man holding a rum and coke in one hand and a lit candle in another. 
    The man turned out to be...

    ...the ghost of Shawn LaBounty past, who said...

    
    a game of pool anyone?

and everyone had swim trunks on, so pocket pool could not be played. So the
ghost of Shawn's past said....

...smoke 'em if ya got 'em and let's get outta the pool area
   with these tennis shoes on!

so aunt clara and the ghost of shawn's past decided the best thing to do was...

      ___                       ___                                
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 /:/_/:/\:\__\ /::\  \     /::::\__\_____   /:/__/         |:|  |  
 \:\/:/ /:/  / \/\:\  \__  ~~~~\::::/___/  /::\  \       __|:|__|  
  \::/ /:/  /   ~~\:\/\__\     |:|~~|     /:/\:\  \     /::::\  \  
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 /::::::::\__\ /::\  \     /::::::::\__\ /:/_/:/ /\__\
 \:\~~\~~\/__/ \/\:\  \__  \:\~~\~~\/__/ \:\/:/ /:/  /
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   \:\  \          \::/  /   \:\  \        \:\/:/  /  
    \:\__\         /:/  /     \:\__\        \::/  /   
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    /:/ _/_        \:\  \       /::\  \       /::\  \       /:/ _/_   
   /:/ /\  \        \:\  \     /:/\:\  \     /:/\:\__\     /:/ /\__\  
  /:/ /::\  \   _____\:\  \   /:/ /::\  \   /:/ /:/  /    /:/ /:/  /  
 /:/_/:/\:\__\ /::::::::\__\ /:/_/:/\:\__\ /:/_/:/__/___ /:/_/:/  /   
 \:\/:/ /:/  / \:\~~\~~\/__/ \:\/:/  \/__/ \:\/:::::/  / \:\/:/  /    
  \::/ /:/  /   \:\  \        \::/__/       \::/~~/~~~~   \::/__/     
   \/_/:/  /     \:\  \        \:\  \        \:\~~\        \:\  \     
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     \/__/         \/__/         \/__/         \/__/         \/__/    

    
    	[Non-story reply]
    
    	Eesh, I guess I should start paying attention to this topic,
    	seeing how I was included without even realizing it.
    
    	8^)
    
    	[Back to story]
    

    and since Shawn was to busy to realize that he had been included in the
    story without noticing it, he promptly put on his "monster truck rally"
    hat, and stood in the window screaming "...
    

    "I wasn't me, It wasn't me, the rum and coke and candle man 
    was ::Richardson!"  At which point, Shawn's image vaporized leaving
    only faint smell of ....
    

    ..burbon and ash.  Those darned alien disintegration rays work quite
    well, but they tend to leave an after-smell.  Breaking out his shop-vac
    (tm), the blue alien bagan cleaning up the mess he made.  He may be a
    cold-blooded, merciless killer, but he is also a very tidy individual. 
    After cleaning up, he puts away his shop-vac (tm), and proceeds to..

    
    drink an IPA, then settle down with a good book.

    At this very moment, Marvin the Martian sped by him.  You see, Marvin
    and he have a rivalry that goes all the way back to their days at
    Warner Brothers....

 Or was it the Righteous Brothers...

    ... at any rate, he then decided to do a very very bad thing, he
    unzipped his....

...shaving kit and attempted to remove the hair from every
   dog and cat in the neighborhood...

    .278  /ME CRACKING UP LAUGHING.....

    ...unfortunate for him, the zoo was in that particular neighborhood,
    and shaving lions during feeding time tends to be a tad dangerous- even
    for blue aliens.

but the lions spit out the blue alien saying he tasted like...

    
    ...a Bud Light, which is understandable

... Aqua Velva.

    ***TIME OUT****
    
    Okay, which is it?  Bud Light or Aqua Velva??  Either is worthy of
    spitting out in paletial agony, but I can't further the plot along
    without knowing which it is.  I need the proper motivation to create,
    don't ya know.   8^)
    
    ***okay, back to our story***

    
    	[Steve, if you were really clever you'd be able to use 'em both.]
    

    
    [Aqua Velva, Bud Light, what's the difference?  I wouldn't drink either
    of them.]
    

 And they all skipped merrilly off into the sunset and lived happily 
 ever after...



     The End

    
    	Nice wrap-up, Jim.  Just like a Stephen King novel.
    

 Thanks, Shawn..just another one of my many talents.




 Jim

	Digital Equipment Corporation wanted to do something to change their
name, and their image. So after the layoffs they went to Mz_Debra for advice, 
who said to them...

    ..."SHADDAP YOU!"  Digital responded by giving Mz_Debra a big raise
    and a medal for...
    

actually standing up to this nonsense. Mz Deb stood before the company
accepting the honor and said to Bob...

    
    ..."Can you do something about that dork in the purple Town Car that 
    keeps taking two prime parking spaces every morning?" and Bob said...
    

    
    ..."Does this mean you don't like my car??"  
    
    Mz Deb responded...
    

I think my key likes your car more than I do, and it keeps wanting to touch it.
I don't know how much longer I can keep the key from touching your car. You
see,my key has a mind of it's own, sort of like a mans...

... "I don't like SMALL cars.  After all, they're just a reflection of ..."

    
    " your little head"

	To which Bob said, when did you ever see me...

    
    	... drinking beer from a thimble?  But, getting back to the
    	point ...
    

               \|/ ____ \|/
                @~/ ,. \~@
               /_( \__/ )_\---th-th-th-that's all folks!
               ~  \__U_/  ~

    ...and then everyone knew that this was really Porky Pig in disguise.
    This made PP nervous as it was close to Thanksgiving, so he...

    
    [who the heck eats pig at Thanksgiving?]
    

        ... spontaneously combusted. Then, everyone feasted upon his charred
    body till they all had their fill. The Rabbi was very disappointed. He
    quickly ran to the phone and...

called the Pope, who called God on the phone, in Rome....

    .302
    
    [Be nice.  Lot's o' folk eat pig at Thanksgiving.  Personally, I
    usually have turkey, but last year we had both.  Besides, I don't know
    of any stuttering cartoon turkeys..  8^)]

    [You never heard of T-T-T-T-Tragedy Turkey? It was a cartoon character
    that just never off the ground.]

    
    [story resumes from .304]
    
    ...to complain about that awful thumping sound coming from John
    Covert's cubicle every two weeks. God, being no respector of
    men, decided that what John Covert really needed was a...

But then God realized, that John would like this. So he decided that He should
do something to get John upset. He had a bishop start ordaining gay and
lesbians in the church. When John heard about this, he...

    
       Bought lots of balloons............

    and moved to Albuquerque for the balloon festival where...

he secretly praised God for His decision to have a bishop ordain gay and
lesbians! God was so happy that He...

    
     Came out of the closet himself!

    and tripped over the 

    
      high heels he just took off.

John looked on, puzzled. He got very angry because they were white shoes and
it's not Memorial day yet! John told Mz Deb and she...

    
    ...did a frenzied dance of rage around...
    

the May pole

    who invited the Czech living next door who

      
      who invites the poles. 

    uh oh! 
    
    Moibius story line alert!
    
    
    

    
      BUT, they were the best of friends!  

until the evil one came between them. That evil one was...

    really ugly and looked a lot like:

the chairman of....

    
    	...the federal reserve! "How odd." thought...
    

Bill Clinton, because he thought that this guy committed suicide like the rest
of his cabinet. So bill had to make sure there were no witnesses to Whitewater,
so he decided to...

..compose a reply from the web! What better way
to mask his identity...
[Posted by WWW Notes gateway]

    invite Hillary to a state function where she:

    
    drank martinis with mint toothpicks

and went for a drive with Ted Kennedy....

... who said "Come on in, the water's fine!"

but when she looked into the pool of water as the car was racing into, she saw
the reflection of...

... an unknown figure behind her ...

and heard a peculiar vioce demanding "Where is the Doctor?"

That was when Hillary realized that Jon Pertwee died a couple of days ago, so
she said the doctor is dead, but who the hell are...

    those blue aliens standing next to Ted?  Right before their very eyes,
    the blue aliens began to....

do the Chicken Dance.  Suddenly a huge hand appeared above them....

    ...and slapped Jack DelBalso for trying to subvert this note in the
    the first few replies.  However, Jack was too busy shoveling 8 foot
    high snow drifts, even in May, to notice.  So the the blue aliens
    resorted to...

doing the chicken dance again...

    ...and the blue aliens were joined by Gov. Bill Weld who proceeded to
    throw up and pass out in the middle of the dance. Upon seeing this the
    blue aliens said...

...we're not doing that regardless of your earth customs, 
   which Billy replied...

    
    
    	"BODY DANCE! BODY DANCE!"

	The Blue aliens, realizing they were now talking with a republican,
went back to Hillary and Ted as Ted's car was sinking into the mud and said...

    
    "thanks for all the fish"

to which Hillary said, What does Abe Vigoda got to do with this?

    "Carpe Diem" was Abe's answer from the grave.

    Leaving this place, Lassie found a cool shadetree to lie under.  It
    wasn't long before she drifted off into dreamland.  Lassie had always
    wanted to be a human male and star in her own TV adventure show. 
    Unfortunately, when she walked into UNIVERSAL studios, she found her
    competition to be a dolphin, a horse and many monkees.  Discouraged,
    Lassie ....
    

    ...bought a fully-automatic-assault-machine-gun (with bayonnete
    attachment, silencer, plastic stock and laser sights) illegally,
    through the black market, and proceeded to hose down the horse and
    monkeys with silent, but brutal efficiency.  Unfortunately for Lassie,
    the dolphin swam to the bottom of the deep pool, safe from the lead
    shower of projected projectiles.  On her way to purchase depth charges,
    Lassie was discovered by the BATF, who set her on fire with a
    flame-thrower and ended her miserable existence with repeated M-16
    fire.  65,000 rounds (and three flame-thrower refills) later, the BATF ran
    over her crispy remains with a tank...forever grinding the evidence
    into the dirt.
    
    The end.             

    
    	I love a happy ending.
    

    And the world cried a thousand mourns into the open airways, for Lassie
    had never been violent before.  The media began reporting how that as a
    pup Lassie had been abused by her 12 siblings.  It was a sad story of
    nipple depravation leaving Lassie with a ....

    perpetual woodie.

    Woodie who?

    Woody allen.
    
    who was last seen in a flying saucer with...

J Edgar Hoover, who was decked out is a pink chiffon....

    ..salad dressing. J Edgar Hoover never thought he could be pink chiffon
    anything, but after being decked like that, he really had no
    recollection of who or where he was. He knew enough to...

    ...not wear white shoes before Labor day.  Unfortunately, he...

    
    ...was coerced into it by Raquel, who loved to see Mz_Debra's eyes
    boggle when...
    

    Raquel put her rouge on with a paintbrush. However, when...

    plucking her eyebrows, discovered where mink really came from...

    which was from mommy and daddy mink.
    
    Bill and Hillary discussed this one night when Bill said "Hillary, I'd
    like you to take your mink and rub it against..."

Bob Dole's ass....

    Jack Martin's Mother n' law, who is proving to be a very difficult part
    of his equation.  Ya see, Jack is moving this Saturday Hillary, and his
    valiant sister n law who has been  nicknamed, "Calamity Barbara", as
    usual put herself is yet another difficult situation, for Prince Jack
    to bail her out.  The only problem is....

    This may pit Jack in between his wife and sister...which is typical of
    Calamity Barbara who can't seem to...

    find her red shoes that matches the rouge she uses.  She purposely took
    that powder keg into the shoe store for the latest in color matching
    and now she can't find them.  It cost her a few pretty pennies as well. 
    And speaking pennies, I knew a girl once named Penny in first grade. 
    Penny knew her value, for she saved herself until marriage.  Marriage,
    phew now that's a subject to talk about.  You meet a guy, he takes you
    out wines you, dines you, and calls you everyday until....

    ... he realizes you're a guy. This causes him to projectile vomit until
    he...

    realizes he's a girl?

    They are all relieved to say the least as several thousands of dollars 
    worth of surgery was avoided. So, they decided they should at least
    take out the disgruntled surgeons for a drink. This turned into one
    very large...

    Anti-gun rally.  There we met Andrew Krawiecki in disguise....

  in this guy's what?

as Bill Clinton. Andrew secretly uses this disguise to run the USA. and he will
be running for...

    ...world emperor soon.  The rest of the world will likely not notice
    his usurption of power due to ....

    ...their rose-colored spectacles, kindly provided by the Salvation Army
    so that nobody would see what the Salvation Army was *really* up to...

    ...a Santa Clause coup.  All dressed in red (which rendered them
    effectively invisible to the rose-colored spectacle wearing world), the
    massive Santa Clause army...

which marched down the street saying, Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho without ever stopping.
Andy, hearing this, decided to pull out his...

    ...hand-launched tactical nuke.  He was aware of the Tri-Lateral
    Commission's plan to unseed him as the only one on the ballot for World
    Emporer.  Unfortunately, the Santa army was too close to use the nuke,
    and none of his army could see them coming due to their rose-colored
    spectacles.  As the Santa army moved closer... 

    The Easter Bunny appeared and with his goodness destroyed them all. 
    Having accomplished his task, he checked his battery pack and thought
    to himself, "Well, I'll be carroted, those generic batteries DO work!"
    
    

    
    "only to be blown to bits by a shadowy figure lurking in the recesses
    of darknes"

... "who said, PC user scum.  I am the avenger of misbegotten computing. 
It is I..."

    .."MacBinder!  You will be assimilated."

    "The rose-colored spectacles were my plot from the beginning...a ruse
    to distract from my master plan of..."

    ...overevangelizing the Macintosh to make the world safe from those
    Mac-loving scum...

    ...by getting everyone so pissed off they'd NEVER buy one of the
    things...

    
    as Bill Gates master plan was working......

    ...it was discovered that Bill Gates was actually an alien from another
    galaxy, whose plan was far more insideous than simply ruling the
    software industry.  Impressed with his own cleverness, he began phase
    two of his master plan, which is...

    ... marketing Sweaty Pennis Cream Ale. Not only will he have to enlist
    the Rolling Stones, he'll also have to hire...

Madonna and her ex Dennis Rodman, who will perform...

    the Black Swan pas de deux from Swan Lake to an SRO crowd at ...

Al Bundy's nudie bar...

    ...thereby diverting everyone's attention from Mr. Gates' real
    motivation...to buy Digital and turn it into a toilet-manufacturing
    company, which...

    no longer used toilet paper.

    
    	But Bill was determined to make it work, so as his right-hand
    	man/woman he hired ...
    

    
    ...his new baby daughter.  Gotta get her into the family business
    sometime.
    
    As her next-in-command, she hired her favorite toy, which was...
    

the evil demon...Barney.....

Fyfe doll...

    
    ... which took out his bullet, placed it in his purple revolver, cocked
    back the hammer, and pointed at ...

a mirror, as you see, his reflection scared him! After wasting his bullet on a
mirror, the aliens decided to eat...

    before calling it a day.
    
    However, they fell to bickering over what. Most wanted to try the the
    new Arch Deluxe. However, a vocal minority wanted to call out for
    Chinese.
    
    In the end, they compromised and just had ...

    
    
     cow doots...
    

    
    	... ala mode.
    

    
    
    	They chased the cow doots ala mode down with a nice cold
    	glass of...........
    

	donkey piss, which tasted like chicken. So they went to KFC for some...

    squid beaks...but alas, they had none.  Quite disappointed, they
    disintegrated the offending KFC, and went to Red Lobster.  After a good
    meal of squid beaks, they charged their BFG-9000s and proceeded to... 

    Is anybody else wondering what it is with Leech a weapons?  Me thinks
    it must have to do with his masculinity. :-) :-)

    
    	Yes, inversely proportional.
    

    <-- You wanna step outside, bub?

    
    	Actually, it IS about that time.
    
    	Thanks for reminding me, and have a good w'end.  8^)
    

    > 729.403 by ACISS2::LEECH
    > they charged their BFG-9000s and proceeded to...
    
    
    Drive to Jordan MT. where they unloaded a generator, a box of MREs,
    their BGF-9000s and opened fire on:

    ...sheep.  Unfortunately for them, the Haagster was close at hand,
    having target practice on an abandoned pick-up truck.  Hearing the
    death cries of his favorite pet, he...

decided to throw a boxbash at Mz Deb's house because no one can throw a
party....

    ......and I wasn't invited...........

    ... and as a heterosexual male, I was relieved to find out that....

    I was a heterosexual male. So I celebrated by:

    Lifting heavy objects and spitting. This was followed by lots of....

    
    ...grunting and beer drinking.  and after that, ....
    
    

    hot sex followed by....

    wet spots, followed by:

a nap. after all, being a heterosexual male, that 15 seconds of pleasure
wore...

    ....a hole in my palm.
    

    
    <slap>
    
    Snap out of it, people!!!  This is a family conference.
    
    Now, back to storyland. 
    
    
    There once was a purple dog named Prince.  Unlike other dogs, Prince
    didn't like chasing cats, but preferred to...

    
    make bad albums and hang out with models, whom he routinely...

..forced to listen to his bad albums, which they...

    
    ..discovered weren't really bad albums at all.  everyone's a critic in
    new york.  so, afterwards...
    
    

    
    the dog and the models went for a ride in Raq's car, before being
    sideswiped by a wench, who...

    screamed I'm an atheist and proud of it!  At which point a bold of
    lightening spirited from the sky as if to say, "I am the
    powwwwwwwweeeerrrrrrrrr!"  The wench looked at her fingertips and said,
    
    
    "Way to go girlfriend!"

 ...was tossing those bad albums out the window while the models..

    ...barked....

 ..snarled..

    left for coffee...

 right for tea.....

    and left on very shady circumstances...

    .... and order extra large rum and cokes. After six or seven of those
    puppies they....

    cube a libran

    and square a narbil...

 ...and a henweigh

    ...and the dog, disgusted with all the trappings of success, decided to
    change his name from Prince to "The Dog Formerly Known as Spot".

    Unfortunately, that would not fit on his dog_tag, so instead he took on
    a symbol that represented his most intermost thoughts and convictions. 
    That symbol was the the mad asci cow...
    
    
    
    			  (__)
                          (@@)
                   /-------\/ 
                  / |     || \ 
                 *  ||W---|| Wahoo! 
                    ~~    ~~  

    

    
    <--- kinda, favors the doc after sorting code.

    Unfortunately the Mad ASCII cow was caught in the act of:

    ...spitting foam...

    Which was gathered quickly by the pelispan [sp] folks who used it to
    package Digital PC products....

    ...and then were quickly smitten by the packaging gods who saw there
    sins and encased them in a tomb of foam in place where thy would
    remain for all eternity.

    until resurrected by the Mad ASCII cow who

 Changed his name from who to...

    
    Horace...

    And Horace decided to have a transanimalectomy because in his heart he
    knew he was a moose with full big horns...

Not really what I had in mind

                        \_/  \_/
			  \__/   
                          (oo)   
                        +--\/--+
                       /)\ SC /(\
                       \| \  / |/
                        ~ /  \ ~
                         /    \
                        /______\
                          || ||
                          ~   ~
    
                              

    .447
    
    Clever.. :-)  Just what I had in mind.

 The End.

    And all the good people at Digital said...

...whew!

                    That's not a moose in .447!  That's a 4 point buck!
                   /
       |\_/\_/\_----_/\_/\_/|
        \______(O O)_______/
               (oo)
                --

    said the moose in .452 who proceeded to kick the living tar out of:

    the CEO of Animal Transference R Us!

but the ATRU were armed with weapons from Janet....

    and went to the local postoffice for a little target sighting, but all
    they sighted was Elvis and Janis Joplin driving a

    Mercedes Benz.

driven by Miss Daisy. She started to speed, and the cops started to chase them.
In this high speed chase, they hit a tree, but they were already dead. So the
cops looked with a ...

    ...microscope and found miniature Glen Silvas stuck on the windshield
    of the car. Perplexed, the cops decided to...

go to Duncan donuts for a sticky bun break. after having their 
they returned to the accident to find...

that Jack Martin had gotten the Freeman to surender, as he speaks their...

 ..leader says "It's Dunkin Donuts, stupid!"

...with that the leader was summarily executed.

but then the big donut cop godess came down and said, "I put these donuts here
to make the men fat! To put them in their place! Now you have ruined things
here so I am going to.....

    
    .... do whirly twirlies in their honor.

that was when everyone found out that the donut godess was actually dan kalikow
in drag! when everyone realized this, people said...

  th th th th that's all folks!

the end...

      ___                       ___                                
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    Jimbo,
    
    I'm with you friend, this gets a bit old.  
    
    

said Nancy to the Muppet Man. Jim decided enough is enough with this 69 snarf,
so he...

    
    	decided that if he couldn't beat 'em he'd join 'em.
    

so jim was putting in 69 snarfs everywhere! even in non-69 notes! this drove
nancy insane, so she...

 
...woke up from the nightmare, and remembered that Jim wouldn't be doing
 such a thing..

so she fell back asleep and had peaceful dreams for the rest of the night. 


the end

    Nancy was rudely awakened by this pinging in her walls.  Startled, she
    jumped out of bed and ....

  
 ...screamed "STOP PINGING", after which she..

    took an axe and broke through the walls... only to discover it was a
    dream and the pinging was...

    quickly stopped because the axe was buried in Mr. Ping's bumb. So Nancy
    pulled the axe from Mr. Ping's bumb and took it outside where she...

  axed her neigbors to take it..

    she ran over to Jim's house and ...

    Pooped rather loudly in the general direction of...

    ...the mad ascii cow, who has returned to co-star in this story.

    ... who said PARDON ME SIR, BUT MAY I PUSH YER STOOL IN?

    .. then he answered, "Don't do like that. Don't do like that. Baby baby
    baby, oh oh oh oh. Don't do like that. Don't do like that..."
    Then the double cracked Mr. Ping guy started to...

show us how smart he was by showing everyone his brains, which Nancy hit with
the axe. that was when someone said, you have.....

    ...beautiful thighs. Everyone looked around to see who had said that,
    but all they could see was a confused Hungarian holding a phrase book
    designed to create a breach of the peace. At this point the Hungarian
    said....

my name is John Covert. I think when most die, they will go to....

    bathroom promptly before leaving this dwelling place...

because one can only dwell while sitting on the can, or if they are a meter.
Hearing that, God decided it was best for John to...

but where this wasn't the bathroom, no crap could be delievered. So what
happened next was...

    Your wish is my command...
    
    
    
    
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    (C) copyright Leech Enterprises  v2.4     

    
    said he, referring to his note strings...

    Which got confused with his mandolin strings.  Realizing that he wasn't
    on the Ed Sullivan Show, Gerald...

but he should have gone left. You see, there was no stage to the right. He fell
into...

    
    the orchestra pit, was impaled on a bow, and died a gory, horrible,
    painful, but incredibly brief death.
    
    The end?
    

is what everyone thought would happen to the story, but then an angel appeared
and asked if the bathroom was available as it had to freashen...

    
    ...i mean freshen, up for a SNARF....but it was no use...
    
    

    Because bread baking machine was on the fritz.  Realizing that there
    would be no sweet honey wheat bread.....

    ...he headed yeast...

    and Gamble.  But Doctor Proctor wasn't happy about this union...

    ...and promptly ended the string Jack DelBalso so dreaded after 504
    replies.
    
    The end.

 ...or, is it the beginning?

    
    	In the story note, "beginning" and "end" are sometimes inter-
    	changeable.  For example,
    

    This is:
    
    
    		The Story Note
    
    
    We're going to start a story here, no more than a screenful. End your
    piece of the story so's the next 'wit' can pick up where you left off.
    
    
    
    It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a shot rang out!
    

    Eddy Baby? Eddy Baby?!? Are you OK?
    
    Hey! Who are you? What are you 
    
    			<GAK>!

         ........it appeared that someone, finally fed up with Ed's crazy
    noting, tracked him down and.......

tickled him unmercifully with an ostrich feather.  This led to his...

    ...death. While Ed was lying there jerking and twitching, the angry
    noter replied...

    C R A P!  Which led into a discussion about sheep...

    ..which led back to a discussion about Ed and that time he...

    and haag rangled over a white wooly one...

    ..needless to say, Ed won and had his way with the poor helpless
    creature. He shaved off all of the animals hair and used it as...

filling for his pillow, which he then layed his head on to....

    ...go to sleep and dream of a...

better life for himself. When he woke and saw this wasn't reality, he...

    .....decided never again to get involved with a story topic....
    

... which didn't end with "and they all lived happily ever after."

because we all know life is not always that easy. So ed decided to.....

    ...eviscerate himself. But once he discovered that knives would be
    involved, he chickened out and ordered a pizza instead. The pizza guy
    arrived and pulled his pants down. Ed was shocked at first but then
    he....

said even though I didn't order sausage with my pizza, I'm really glad to have
some. Won't you come on in so and meet my friend.....

    
    Wee Willy Winky, but you'll have to use this magnifying glass.

    The little guy is small, but deadly. One time I let him out downtown
    in the park, and...

...he ran out in the traffic, caused a 50 car pileup, was run over in the
 ensuing melee, and that was the end of the story.

    
    ...or was it just the beginning ?

yes, it was the beginning... as with jason, freddie kruger, no matter how many
times the movie header says final chapter, more keep coming! so what happened
next was the little runt thought he would end up in hell, but in reality he
ended up in....

    ...a goalies' net in an NHL playoff game, strapped to the ice without 
    a mask, awaiting the puck of his life...

...but what came towards him was Albert Belle on skates!! Seeing this our fair
hero.....

 woke up and realizing it was a nightmare, got out of bed, took a shower
 and went to work, thus bringing the story to a conclusion..


 The End.

	But on his way to work, Newt Gingrich was stuck on the side of the
road. Ed, being our hero stopped to see what was wrong. It appears that Newt
had a.......

 ..flat tire, which he fixed and continued on to an uneventful day at work.


 The End

so on the way home, our hero saw Bob Dole stuck on the side of the road. So he
stopped to help. Seems Bob's car overheated because Bob was angry, and was
blowing a lot of....

    ...steam.  But lucky for Bob, he had a gallon of water in his car.  He
    waited for the car to cool down, put the fresh water in, then continued
    on to work.  Later, he bought a new car- a very dependable car that
    would never break down, not even in one of these silly stories- then
    continued about his work in running for Prez.
    
    The End (until election day).

except that election day came early because Clinton signed an executive order!
Bob was gaining in the polls, so he knew he had to get the election won while
he still had a slight lead! So Bob didn't know what to do, so he said to the
nation in a last minute desperation speech....

    I have chosen Lord Hemmerhoid to be my running mate, so vote for me
    because...

    ...I promise to end this story.
    
    And so it is written in the history books that Bob Dole was the first
    presidential candidate to win 99% of the soapbox vote.

    Now Mz. Debra....Christine....did you brush your teeth?? 
    Good...Now...kiss on the cheek.......good.....night night...!

    Sitting tied to her terminal and glued to a phone the wiley specialist
    peered out the window at a bluejay hopping over the debris on the
    garage roof across the alley, as a thunderstorm began to roll in.  
    
    Suddenly........

	Mz Deb shrieked with delight because she could use her delete.....

    
    ...but then discovered that her question mark key did not work, and her
    caret key produced a question mark, and her apostrophe key did not
    work, and she had yet to find where the apostrophe had gone...the quote
    mark was where the at-sign should be...she began to think seriously
    about VTSTAR, when suddenly...
    

	John Covert came on and said, "Just Kidding!" VTSTAR doesn't really...

    Work all the miracles you desire.  However, there is another terminal
    emulator which....

..responds to any keystroke by displaying "the end".

	And when that happens, a giant ass appears, which turns out to be a
democrat....

    being chased by the trunk of a large pachyderm which....
    

turns out to be Newt Gingrich. Just as he was about to trounce the ass...

    he did just what Dorothy did.  He was chasing after this wiley democrat
    thgrough a field of Poppies...stopped...put his hand on his head and
    fainted.  Looking beautifuland peaceful as he lay amongst the poppies, 

the ass seized the moment by kicking Newt in the...

end.

    Or was it?
    
    Studing the video tapes closely, the analysts suddenly realised that...

 ..there was absolutely no doubt..it was indeed the end.




 Jim

but with clinton in office, there was doubt. so the story started up again.
There once was a lady from nantuckett...

    who couldn't carry a tune in a bucket...

	and much to her surprise, when she pulled her head out and opened her
eyes....

    ...she found out that this story is at an end.

	But which end? The end of her singing career? No, that took off when
she pulled her head out of the bucket! It was the end of her having that damn
bucket on her head! So she ignored the critics, she ignored the polls, she
ignored the wishes of the American people! She picked herself up by her 
bootstraps never once loosing sight of her destiny.... AND FOR REASONS KNOWN
ONLY TO GOD!!!.... she made it. She became the wife of the President, and her
name was.....

    Of a short road.

    ...which leads to the end of the story.

    PS:  her name was Irene Swartz!