Conference back40::soapbox

    My father once said...
    
    "You really pulled a boner this time Jack."
    
    Even though he was visibly pissed, I did all I could do to keep from
    laughing.  This was back in 1977 and boner was the optimum word of
    those times.

| <<< Note 699.1 by MKOTS3::JMARTIN "Madison...5'2'' 95 lbs." >>>

| "You really pulled a boner this time Jack."

	Jack Martin is gay! WHOA! Who would have thought? Jack the "poof"
Martin! Has a nice ring to it. Welcome to the club, Jack. Don't forget to fill
out your recruitment card. Gotta make sure the person who recruited ya gets
credit! Cuz if you recruit so many people, you get prizes! :-)


Glen

    Jack's dad didn't say "somebody else's", he said "a". Stop jumping to
    conclusions, silva-rado!!!!
    
    
    						lunchbox

    
    	Ummm, Glen, maybe Jack was pulling his own boner?
    
    	And, ummm, in general, why do I even bother trying to explain
    	things to Glen?
    

    I've got another;
    
    Cheese Whiz

    
    	Steve Leech, wanna bless this topic?
    
    	Thanks.
    

    Glen:
    
    99% of men pull a boner and the other 1% lie!

    
    	Jack, which of those categories do you fall into?
    

    Waxing the VAX

    Large pendulous beasts.
    

    titillating conversation
    build an erection
    cock a gun
    show some spunk

    rise and shine
    getting a leg up on the competition
    getting laid-off 
    

head cheese
busting your nuts
filling a crack
packing the fudge

    having a ball
    waffle
    penal code
    forklift
    

    This topic is officially "blessed" by the gods of sophomoric
    gutterspeak.  nnttm
    
    
    
    
          CRAPCRAP    CRAPCRAPC        RAPC       RAPCRAPC
         CR      AP   CR      AP      CRAPCR      AP      CR  
        CR       AP   CR      AP     CR    AP     CR       AP
        CR            AP      CR    AP      CR    AP       CR
        CR            AP     CR     AP      CR    AP       CR
        CR            AP    CR      AP      CR    AP      CR
        CR            APCRAPC       RAPCRAPCRA    APCRAPCRA
        CR            AP    CR      AP      CR    AP
        CR            AP     CR     AP      CR    AP
        CR       AP   CR      AP    CR      AP    CR
         CR      AP   CR      AP    CR      AP    CR
          CRAPCRAP    CR      AP    CR      AP    CR
                                                    
    
    
    (C) copyright Leech Enterprises  v2.4     

    >this topic is officially "blessed" by the gods of sophomoric
    > gutterspeak.
    
    
I think soapbox is blessed by the gods of sophomoric gutterspeak.
    
    
    

        


                         "Slip into a warm sweater"    
        
        
    

    Relieving history.
    Defacation of character.
    Excretiating pain.
    

    I always believed calling a face a "puss" was low rent and undignified.
    
    

pain in the ass

    
    
    	GUI interface.
    
    

    warm moist rogering

    Dick Armey
    

Dick Swett.

    Michael Hunt

    gina lollabrigida

	Dick Hurts...from Holden.

    Dick Assman.

    pumpernickel

rat's ass

    
    spam

    foccacia

    jockeying for position
    uvula     8*)  Hi Glen!

    Jack Emhoff

8" in Beverly, 6" in Shirley

<----grin

    Yestrzemski is a bumb

    nude-titity;  a sniglet my brother uses to describe nudity.

    Phuket, Thailand

    Loose lips,sinks ships
    

    Loose as a goose.
    Double whammy.
    Whammy bar.
    

    Knock me up in the morning for bangers.

free will

    whippersnapper

    sweaty pennis cream ale.

    beef jerky

    
    Instructions on the Guinness tap in my local bar:
    
    
    "Pull to pour, push to cream"

    Phat Prik (it's a Thai chicken recipe)
    
    Keep your pecker up (Britslang for keep smiling...)
    
    Frequent mastication

    
 >   Phat Prik (it's a Thai chicken recipe)
    
  	My favorite dish to order
    
    
    ed

    Liquor in the front and poker in the back.

    You're a nation.
    
    "Deaf, eh, Kate?"
    
    Wrecked 'em.
    
    It's grow time!
    
    Poopdeck
    
    Soy oil. 
    
    Bastard
    
    Max Factor
    
    Bar stools
    
    Far to go.
    
    Organism.
    
    A null sex
    
    

    
      >Liquor in the front
    
       As long as you have a liquor license!
    
       
      Beef Strogenoff

    flatulence.

    firkin

    Which is not the same thing as merkin.

    Quoth he, smirkin'.

    whose chain is he jirkin?

    
    	He doesn't care, really.  His game is lurkin'.
    

    An' I'm never shirkin'.

Ah'm proud to be Amurcan.

    My watch isn't workin..

    It's three.  The coffee's perkin'

    Amerkin to cover a gherkin?

    Well.  That's a pretty pickle.

    hogwash

    Horse Hockey

    Hello

    <------------------------- missed '69 snarF!

    
    	Oh, believe me ... he didn't miss it.  He just didn't advertise
    	the fact.
    

    ><------------------------- missed '69 snarF!
    
     You think there was another point to his Hello?

A previous PN of mine, `futtock masticator'.  Mind those splinters!

Chris.

    Scunthorpe
    Grimsby
    
    

    Punishing the Primate.

re .76

Is that what the play "Murder in the Cathedral" is about?

/john

Mother Fuddrucker

    
    	"Fudpucker" could be the face that Elmer makes just as Bugs
    	drops a rock on his head.
    

================================================================================
Note 17.14334                Things To Wonder About               14334 of 14334
CSLALL::SECURITY                                      2 lines   2-MAY-1996 14:35
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    When you've seen about 30 condos in about 3 months you get the lingo
    down.

  condo lingo

    dumplog

    a p-name like
    
    
    "a legend begins at it's end"
    
    :>)

    
    <frown>
    
    

    ?
    

    
    	That was an EAA frown, Dave.
    

    its
    
    hth

    What might an EAA frown be?

    
    	See .89 and you'll figure it out.
    

    a grammatical err, eh?

    asteroids
    

Steel-stud house.

    puter

    
    swinehundt
    

    asterisk
    
    as in:
    
    I regret that I have only one * for my country.

Mizzenmast.

    tee hee hee

    Where'd that cow go?!

    I deleted it.  I thought I mis-spelled "Cheshire"...maybe not.

    Want me to delete my last 2 notes so's ya can do it again?

    Thanks for the offer, but I'll just lie in wait of the next snarfable
    note.  8^)

    
    ...he wailed on his horn as he passed the wench..

    i guess that does sound kind 'odd', doesn't it... 
    %^>  
    %^>
    
    

    Taken from a Malaysian hotel ring placard:
    
    "When driving, and you encounter a pedestrian, tootle him with vigor
     in order to move him".

    blowfish

    yer full o' chitlins!

    
    	Baby Fingering
    

    
    	Pennis Cream Ale
    

    
    no no no!!!!!
    
    that's SWEATY pennis cream ale!!!
    
    hth :>
    
    

    
    
    	I thought so, but forgot what note it was posted in in order
    	to go back and check.  =)
    

>    Then I spent 6 hours steaming off wallpaper in Mz. Debra's room!

    pussyfoot

pussywillow

    The name of the woman in the James Bond movie, "Goldfinger".  I thought
    that went a bit far.

    Pussy Galore, nnttm, hth, sase.

    Correct!!!

    Bangalore.  
    
    
    But's that's in India, so most of you American chappies
    will be unaware of it.  Except for the torpedoes.

    And let's not forget the leading lady in the Man with the Golden Gun. 
    

    What was her name??

    Right Said Fred.
    
    She just wanted to have fun..
    
    

    
    	Prince Rogers Nelson
    

    the fasces had axes tied into them when the lictors were outside the
    pomerium

    Beat me to it.

   <--

soft, warm, salty pretzels...

    
    ho-ho!!  another one!
    
    
    %^>
    
    

LETTERMAN'S TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THE OFFICE, BUT AREN'T:
    10.  I need to whip it out by 5!
     9.  Mind if I use your laptop?
     8.  Put it in my box before I leave.
     7.  If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
     6.  I want it on my desk, NOW!
     5.  HMMMMMMMMMMMMM........ I think it's out of fluid
     4.  My equipment is so old it takes forever to finish.
     3.  It's an entry-level position.
     2.  When do you think you'll be getting off today?

     AND NUMBER 1

     1.  It's not fair... I do all the work while he just
         sits there.

    orbiting bodies pull on each other.

    From DTW many moons ago:
    
    	"[Someone] Assumes Word Processing Position"
    
    From Boston Globe many many moons ago:
    
    	"Socialite Beats Off Strangler"

    
    	organ grinder
    

    you like?

    
    	No, I do not think I would.
    

    I meant the source where you got the phrase, not the phrase itself.

    
    	Well, I just saw it about an hour ago and now have no idea
    	where that was.  Do you know?
    

I bought a vigorous healthy young queen.

The sellers assure me she was recently gang raped.

She'll be sent to me locked in a small cage which she'll have to eat her
way out of.  Then I intend to keep her confined in a dark box (which is rather
crowded) for the rest of her life, doing nothing but cranking out young ones,
who will of course be workers.  The workers will have to toil day and night
without pay, until they drop dead.

    .139
    
    Will she be at risk to have her abdominal orifices invaded by those
    little European buggers?

I plan to show some mercy and try to prevent that from happening, but there
are so many of those little creatures around it's almost certain to happen.
They're so persistant.

Regarding the rapists, many will be pleased to learn they've all been put
to death.  In fact, execution is automatic.  But not even certain death stops
others from trying.  All they need to do is to spot a young virgin and they're
right after her.

  .141  sounds like they'd be better off minding their own beeswax.

They definitely better buzz off.  Nothing worse than them droning on and on...

Honey of a job, that.

    Eberhard-Faber

    .138 It's a song by a band you recently acquired on tape. tyvm.

    
    	RE: April
    
    	I realized that last night when I looked at the tape insert.
    
    	Oops.  8^)
    

    All those CD's you have and you still get free tapes?!?
    
    {grundel}

    
    	It's a sampler of sorts, so I can see if I like the bands in
    	question.  And if I do I'll probably end up buying the CD's
    	anyways.
    

    
    	And BTW, it wasn't exactly "free".  I exchanged a tape AND a
    	CD for that tape.  8^)
    

    Which I haven't received yet.  

    
    	I should have re-worded my "No rush" response when the PO
    	person asked me when I wanted the package to arrive at your
    	door.
    
    	8^)
    

    I HIT THE MOTHERLOAD

mother lode

NNTTM.

    
    >When you put a disk into a Mac, the Mac automatically mounts it.
     

    |there are also good instructions for what to do if you 
    |can't eject a disk.
    

    Take a sniff
    Pull it out
    The taste is gonna move you
    When you pop it in you're mouth

From note 7.49 in HOME_WORK:

>	                            Screwing is the only way to go.
>	A good screw will last a long time





>	                                   compared to a nail which
>	will eventually pull due to gravity or be pushed out by the wood
>	itself.

    didly
    

<--- I thought that one WAS dirty.

    Wankel Rotary

simply screwdiver

hot and jovial

    today is hump day
    

    	
    launch a probe
    

    integrated bumpers

    Oph! uck!

    cigarette?

    Don't mind if I do.  What's the blindfold for?

  aagagag.

    ;p

>      I lust for mscanlon's bagel...

	barely attractive

the best polish sausage to be found anywhere

I only pick on people I lick. 

    I like it.  8)

    It's not "home" until your stuff is in it.

    Can you whip it out by noon?

anytime.... but not any place

slender young string beans

bifurcating arrow

    
    	I really didn't need a piece that big.
    

| <<< Note 699.182 by BUSY::SLABOUNTY "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" >>>


| I really didn't need a piece that big.

	Please use proper english.... it should have said, "I really didn't need
a piece that bad." :-)

    
    	Well, you see, last night I was in the bathroom here at MRO and
    	I ripped off a piece of paper towel to wipe my coffee cup out
    	and realized that I ripped off a section that was twice as big
    	as I needed.
    
    	And the rest is history.
    
    	[Like anybody really cares.  8^)]
    

    dickbilled platypus
    
    Bright Blessings,
    
    PJ

    Yes, both of those sound dirty.

    Deep heat.

    Gently free the mixtures from the molds by pounding on a board, 
    upside down.

    Smoked salmon mousse, piped into hollowed-out cherry tomatoes.
    Now that's a can o' pee.

    four man coxless boat

	just all me
    

    ...drive on the second hole

    
    	Always mount a scratch monkey
    

    Great snatch, clean & jerk!
    

.193 and .194 work together in a really perverse sort of way...

    heat-seekers designed to fly up the tailpipe of an engine
    

    rather larger bolide

    Cock up.
    

    -1  The winner, by far.

    
    
		 -------|------|------------
                        ++    ++
                        ||---M||
                        ||     |
                       /\-------\
                      (00)       \
                      (  )        *
                    /
                 Snarf?
    

Do you mean "blossom end rot," a disease of tomatoes?

Are you guys all doing this with a tool?

STRAP-ON TREE STAND

...classifieds note 4140...

    
    	You beat me to it!!
    

    -1 that's good!

    
    	[glare]
    

      Have you tried using a banana?

    At least I didn't say "It works for me" !!!

    Yes you did!

    I did?  Oops!

    More like a finger slip

    I'll crop out the kids.

    Senior U.S. officer says Saddam training troops hard
    

    Well, I could always pull a Binder

  zz  Since when does FIRM equate to SUPERIOR?  
    

  zz   just type the link in the body of the post.
    

  zz  Time to invite these guys in the 'box.
    

    > > Top ten sexually suggestive lines in the Star Wars Trilogy 
    > >      
    > > Star Wars
    > >      
    > >  10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!" 
    > >   9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out
    in 
    > >       time?"
    > >   8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed." 
    > >   7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
    > >   6. "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
    > >   5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought." 
    > >   4. "Sorry about the mess..."
    > >   3. "Look at the size of that thing!"
    > >   2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
    > >   1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, 
    > >       kid."
    > >      
    > >   The Empire Strikes Back
    > >      
    > >  10. "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me." 
    > >   9. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?" 
    > >   8. "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
    > >   7. "But now we must eat. Cum, good food, cumm..."
    > >   6. "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a
    while." 
    > >   5. "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
    > >   4. "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all
    riled 
    > >       up like that, huh kid?"
    > >   3. "Possible he came in through the south entrance." 
    > >   2. "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!" 
    > >   1. "Control, control! You must learn control!"
    > >      
    > >   Return of the Jedi:
    > >      
    > >  10. "Hey, point that thing someplace else."
    > >   9. "I look forward to completing your training. In time you will 
    > >       call me master."
    > >   8. "I never knew I had it in me."
    > >   7. "There is good in him, I've felt it."
    > >   6. "Grab me, Chewie. I'm slipping -- hold on. Grab it, almost...
    you 
    > >       almost got it.  Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me
    > > Chewie."
    > >   5. "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one." 
    > >   4. "Back door, huh? Good idea!"
    > >   3. "She's gonna blow!"
    > >   2. "I think you'll fit in nicely." 
    > >   1. "Rise, my friend."
    > >      
    > >      
    > > But of course, one of the best is -  "Wedge!  Pull out!  You're not
    doing 
    > > any good back there!"

    I know this is old, but it is being bandied about so much lately...
    

    ...it's become ennuido.

is the electronic version nintendo?

mounted with butter

    
    I saw that movie.
    

	Then I AM learning.... phew... looks like you're rubbing off on me. :-)

>I'd kind of like some power tools, but she'll get me something romantic.

CLASSIFIED_ADS note 7923.

================================================================================
Note 20.8146                        Abortion                        8146 of 8146
MKOTS3::JMARTIN "Ebonics Is Not Apply"               29 lines  12-FEB-1997 16:26
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    
    Apparently it is a matter of whose throat is being stuffed.  

    Cretin!!!!

i suspect you wrote it in hopes it would get put here..... and the pig (pretty
incredible glen) found it!

    April?

May?

    Jes?

    Glen said something bad, I think.

what do you mean? 

    I don't know, I bet some people think 5 and 1/4 floppies are even more
    depressing.

What about 8" floppies?

    RX01, RX02?

    <-- Don't even go there.
    
    
    Mike
    

    Ha, me too.

    I designed a controller for the 8" jobbies, back in '74.

   uphill, both ways.

    
    	You invented the 'D' cell?
    
    	I am so proud to know you, Binder.
    

    Controller for 8" jobbies. Hmm, I hear prozac helps in this regard.

| <<< Note 699.354 by SMURF::BINDER "Errabit quicquid errare potest." >>>

| I designed a controller for the 8" jobbies, back in '74.

	Dick designed the large version of a condom? 

    
    	He said "controller", not "packaging".
    

| <<< Note 699.359 by BUSY::SLAB "A swift kick in the butt - $1" >>>


| He said "controller", not "packaging".

	controller... yeah, I know... condoms help control the pregnancy
rate.... woosh #2 for ya slabo

Dick developed saltpeter.

    
    	RE: .360
    
    	No, I don't buy that.  A 2nd-order reference is a little too deep
    	for you, Glen.
    

| <<< Note 699.362 by BUSY::SLAB "A thousand pints of lite" >>>


| No, I don't buy that.  A 2nd-order reference is a little too deep
| for you, Glen.

	Poor poor shawny.....

    .361
    
    Hey!  Nobody ever salted my--  Er, ummm...  Never mind.

    
    	Confuscious says, "Saltpeper makes sourpuss".
    

================================================================================
Note 840.52               Psychics...Friends or Foes?!                  52 of 53
ASGMKA::MARTIN "Concerto in 66 Movements"             4 lines   3-MAR-1997 16:01
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Glen:
    
    You do make a valid point regarding the use of tongues (no smart
    remarks Glen!!).  

if I can keep my girlfriend out of my account, 

    
    ttlt: Helping out a frustrated co-worker with her load. 

    WOW

    
    	What's so dirty-sounding about "WOW"?
    

     i lust fer yer tiny font

Does he practice Chinese font binding?

    
    	Hook, line, and sinker
    

    
    	Well, knowing you, it wasn't a dirty phrase, so it belongs here.
    

>    	True to his word, whatshisface *did* try to impress
>    	Lady Di with his towing capacity.

I was pulling a TOPDOC::AHERN!

    Yeah...I guess I deserved that one!! :-)

  Z   On a lighter note, doctors have found a way to lick testicular
  Z   cancer.
   

    I'm very glad they didn't find a way to beat it.

    
    	Jack, that would have been a better entry for "phrases that were
    	reworded to sound incredibly dirty".
    

    I know...but I figured I'd bite!! :-)

    
    Ooh er.
    

   Does this have something to do with not shaving?

kb

           <<< BACK40::BACK40$DKA500:[NOTES$LIBRARY]SOAPBOX.NOTE;1 >>>
                          -< Soapbox.  Just Soapbox. >-
================================================================================
Note 80.6757                         FOOD!!!                        6757 of 6762
NOTIME::SACKS "Gerald Sacks ZKO2-3/N30 DTN:381-2085"  2 lines   5-MAY-1997 10:49
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is the first time we've done it since we've had the kids.  A good time 
was had by all.

================================================================================
Note 121.711                   Let's talk BEER...                     711 of 713
SALEM::DODA "Just you wait..."                        2 lines  14-MAY-1997 16:37
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
take your frustrations out on your bone when you get back to that 
doghouse there rover.

           <<< BACK40::BACK40$DKA500:[NOTES$LIBRARY]SOAPBOX.NOTE;1 >>>
                          -< Soapbox.  Just Soapbox. >-
================================================================================
Note 11.25553                 Things to Like Today                25553 of 25554
ACISS1::BATTIS "Sniper Boy"                           6 lines  15-MAY-1997 16:06
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    
    Apparently, Jack has very antiquidated equipment, a PC. (sorry Dick).

    "and therefore won't get any strokes."
    
    
    Mike
    

>    ttlt:   it's cavity-filling nite!!  i really like my dentist...

================================================================================
Note 14.14431                      News Briefs                    14431 of 14432
ACISS1::BATTIS "CNBC junkie"                          2 lines  29-MAY-1997 08:31
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    
    no, but he does favor the mailman.

They're great little pollinators, and they're just plain cute to watch.

           <<< BACK40::BACK40$DKA500:[NOTES$LIBRARY]SOAPBOX.NOTE;1 >>>
                          -< Soapbox.  Just Soapbox. >-
================================================================================
Note 114.1725                    HOME COMPUTING                     1725 of 1725
ACISS1::BATTIS "Soapbox spelling champion 1997"       2 lines   6-JUN-1997 09:37
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    
    gee, Dick sure gets around.