Conference back40::soapbox

A man walks into his doctor and says, "Doc, I feel _great_, but my
penis is orange."

The doctor takes a look, and, sure enough, it's orange.

A battery of tests are taken, Time passes. All the tests turn out
negative. The doctor calls the man in for a consultation.

"Nothing obvious showed up on the tests, so we need to dig a little
deeper. Tell me about your diet."

"Well," says the patient, "for breakfast each day I have a glass of
tomato juice, a cup of coffee - no sugar or cream - two slices of
wheat toast with jelly - no butter-, and a bowl of cereal with skim
milk."

"Sounds healthy. How About lunch?", asks the doctor.

"Two slices of oatmeal bread with lowfat mayonnaise, turkey breast,
 some lettuce and a slice of tomato. A glass of 1% milk and some
 fresh fruit."

"Good again", says the doctor. "How about the rest of the day?"

"Well, then, about mid afternoon I eat an apple for a snack.


 And on the way home I stop at the convenience store and get a bag of
 Cheezits and a couple of porno films."

    Ah, so, there is a correlation between Cheezits and the New World Order.

    Not only that, we can link the two together.

So, let me see if I understand.

The new world order consists of various folks sitting around
watching porno films and . . . 

    It's not cheez-its, it's Cheetos. Cheez-its don't make your hands
    orange.

    
    
    ...and this is from experience, mark???
    
    ;> :>
    
    

    Somebody told me the joke last week.

    
      Well, I admit I don't read the little print on the box...
    
      And yes, the so-called "social contract" was a rathole in the hooker
     note, so it's good to move it here.
    
      Remember JFK ?  "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what
     you can do for your country."  I believed in this stuff.  Two tours
     in RVN later, I no longer did.  I still don't.  Ask not what your
     country can do for you, NOR what you can do for your country.  Ask
     what you can do for yourself !
    
      We all make deals - like mine with Digital (tm).  If they are
     unsatisfied, they dump me.  If I am unsatisfied, I dump them.  I
     send a check to Rwanda relief, and another to the Appalachian
     Mountain Club, and I pay my taxes, as few as I can.  The unlucky,
     or even the guilty who are trying to change, get a bit of charity.
    
      But what do the "undeserving poor" deserve ?  NOTHING !!!  I owe
     them nothing.  I'll help only those who make a deal.  The rest
     can eat cheezits...
    
      All this old idealism about our society as a big Team America I
     leave to the liberals.  They'll be toothless once we dismantle their
     welfare state, so let them whine.
    
      bb

    i love cheezits, but they are little fat grenades...
    
    Chip

    Cheez-Its trivia:
    
    Several years ago, and for many years, the photo on the back
    side of the Cheez-Its box depicting a "Serving Suggestion"
    consisted of a bowl of soup surrounded by several hundred
    Cheez-Its that had been dumped all over the table around the
    bowl, with the castoff Cheez-Its box standing nearby.
    
    At least the table had a tablecloth, so they must have
    figured that would overcome any objections to dinner etiquette.
    But nevertheless, it looked pretty crude.  Perhaps it's just
    a matter of knowing their customer base?
    
    Chris

    I had that joke told to me the other day too!  Too bad the global
    community under which we now all live can't pass along better jokes.
    
    Doug
    

re: serving suggestions

I seem to recall that some variety of cracker,
possibly Ritz, had a recipe for Mock Apple Pie.
The crackers were used as the replacement for
the apples, I do believe.

I never could quite figure that one...  pie
crust with broken crackers for filling?

No thanks.

    uh-b-b-bleah

    I remember the Ritz cracker recipe too! It always struck me as
    similarly absurd. What, are real apples rare in Ritz country
    or something that you'd spend more for a box of crackers to
    simulate them?
    
    -b

Apparently...

"Ritz country...  where apples are like gold."

Now where are all my Miracle Whip and Velveeta
recipes?

re: Joanne

Don't forget the Bisquick recipes.

Bisquick's in a class by itself, Jack.  ;^)

I admire a recipe where the pie ingredients
magically separate themselves into filling
and crust!

    
    
    i have used a couple of bisquick recipes...most often the banana bread
    one...but i no longer will use the blueberry muffin one, because they
    taste too much like pancakes... :>
    
    
    
    

     It's all a plot!

    Didn't Marie Antoinette declare to the starving peasants, "Let them eat
    Cheezits!"  just before getting offed?