Conference back40::soapbox

    Aluminum foil cut-out of a gun strategically placed in a document of a
    victim flying home.

    "Excuse me sir, could you please open your briefcase?"

    
    
    I filled a friends office with 300 balloons and wrapping papered the
    entrance closed for her birthday once.
    
    
    For Christmas this year, Alan wanted a puppy.  I said "NO".  When I
    gave him part of his present, it was a cardboard pet carrier with
    something running around furiously in it.  Alan's eyes lit up as bright
    as the X-mas tree.  Inside the pet carrier was a battery operated toy.
    :*)
    
    
    
    This morning, I woke my kids up at the usual time and told them they
    had to get ready for school, there was no delay.  When they were
    dresses and sitting at the table eating breakfast, I told them that
    since they didn't have to be to school for another 2 1/2 hours, they
    could go out and shovel the steps and the driveway. :*)  They were not
    very happy with this.  I was rather proud of myself. :*)
    
    Terrie
    

I once returned to my desk to find a "While you were out" note telling me
to "Call Mr. Lyon at xxx-xxxx"

I did. It was the Stoneham (Mass) zoo.

Art

    
    
    RE: .3  BWAHAHAHAHAHA  I have to try that on someone!!!!  :*)
    
    
    
    
    Terrie
    

    Was up to the mountain a few weeks ago and there we were standing
    around guffawing about all those things ski instructors guffaw about
    when one of the other instructors came in to join us.  Soon after,
    this person's new beau strolled in which commenced a long and very
    disgusting round of gushy eye staring and ear lobe nibbling and kissy
    faced whispering much to our collective dismay.  We stared, wheedled
    and cajoled to no end but the enamored couple were so absorbed in each
    others embrace that they were oblivious to our presence.  
    
    My friend had his arm around his new s.o. and she had her arm bent back 
    around to hold his hand and thereby keep it close.  This put her hand
    in a position where the palm was facing out.  I felt the need to wander
    to the men's room and on the way by stopped to tickle her palm to give
    them the clue that they were making a spectacle of themselves.  She
    mistook my caressing fingers for those of my friends and caressed my 
    hand back rather vigorously, oblivious to howls of the on lookers which 
    I of course alerted to my juvenile antics.  I proceeded to stoke her 
    palm, hold her fingers, clasp her fingers in mine for several minutes.  
    What the hell I thought, I'll try his hand.  I am sad to say he also 
    returned my affections thinking it was her hand that was playing with 
    his fingers.  There were tears of laughter flowing that afternoon.  
    
    Seeing as this had gotten way out of hand, I did mention it to him
    sometime later which he found to be rather amusing as well.  He admits
    it though, there are more appropriate places to suck face than the bar
    at a ski area.    
    
    Brian

    Two college stories:
    
    Our "next door neighbor" in the dorm was a "Resident Assistant"
    (so he lived alone) and also a major stud. He had a reputation
    on both sides of the aisle, so to speak. I used to marvel at
    the bevy of _major_ babes he used to have visit his room, and
    was even more surprised to find that my roommate had also played
    this particular person a call... well, my roommate, livid that
    after exploring the other side, the stud had returned to rogering
    females, one night set up his stereo speakers near the wall
    and then, at a moment precisely timed to coincide with the
    greatest passion, played -- at full blast -- Paul Anka's
    "Having My Baby".
    
    Different year, same roommate, different neighbors (stud had
    graduated.) Now we lived next to football players, who were,
    even for football players, amazingly dim. One night they threw
    a party. They put the "Buckingham/Nicks" album (a decent
    album, BTW) on the turntable, and played it... over... and
    over... and over... and over... once in a while they would
    play the other side, but we heard this one album the entire
    night, until at about 4 AM, we had enough!
    
    Neither one of us was about to pound on their door and ask them
    to turn it down, so we looked for a high-tech alternative.
    My roommate's bed was on the same wall as their stereo. So,
    I asked my roommate if he had an outlet on that wall. Yes,
    he did. I took the test lead off of my lab voltmeter, and
    stuck it in either side of the outlet. POW! Out went the
    lights... down went the stereo... LALALALALllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
    And then the most glorious sound of all, a football player
    saying "what the eff?". My theory was that if the outlets
    were on the same wall (even if opposite sides) they were
    probably on the same circuit. I was right!
    
    -b

One April Fool's day in the mid-'80s, when I was cluster manager of the
Commercial Languages and Tools cluster (part time job, then), someone
added a command procedure to SYLOGIN.COM that caused everyone's terminal
(yes, pre-VAXstation days) to print in script. Naturally, I had to go to
each of the first few offices to see if their LOGIN.COM had been changed,
before I saw that it was wide spread and looked in SYLOGIN. Then I ran
around threatening to kill the perpetrator if I ever caught him/her.  

Some time later I learned that it was the group manager, Tom Harris.

Art

RE:              <<< Note 246.3 by CASDOC::HEBERT "Captain Bligh" >>>

>I once returned to my desk to find a "While you were out" note telling me
>to "Call Mr. Lyon at xxx-xxxx"

>I did. It was the Stoneham (Mass) zoo.



 A friend of mine had a message to call so and so at xxx-xxxx..the message
 on the While you were out note said "your box is ready"..the place he called
 was a funeral home..



Jim

    Going to Maine on a canoeing trip we needed to pick up one of the folks
    in Portsmouth N.H.  We stopped there for the evening and headed out the
    next AM.  The person we picked up is fairly gullible (yeah right!) so I
    casually said "Oh, look! You can see the dotted line in the river 
    marking the NH/ME border very well today!" as we were crossing the 
    bridge.  She looked for quite intently for a few seconds saying "Where,
    where!?!?) until she realized the wool had been pulled over on her.  
    
    Brian

 Way back in the early-mid 70's I worked at a place where a bunch of us
 would go out at lunch during the summer and hang out at a park and drink
 beer.  There were 3-4 of us and occasionally a few others would come along.
 We had a guy in the office that was the office "jerk" who always wanted to
 come along and we'd not invite him.  Then one day I was listening to a 
 talk show on the radio and they interviewed a guy who for a fee would
 come to a specified location and toss a pie (harmless whip cream really)
 at the person..

 So, I set it up and we invited the guy to lunch..he was all excited about
 being part of the group and off we went..and along came the pie guy (the
 business was called "Pie in your Eye"..tapped him on the shoulder and
 "WAPP" right in the kisser, as the hit man went trotting off into the 
 guffawing crowd.  



 Jim 

    My hubby and I got married on 4/1/89...on purpose!  Unfortunately,
    everyone except the bridal party thought it was a joke.  When I went to
    the bakery, they wanted to be paid in full, up front; same thing at the
    florist, the deli, etc., etc., all because they said they were sure it
    was a practical joke.
    
    We invited 75 people including the wedding party, and about 25 showed 
    up.  We ran in to a large majority of the other 50 people that night 
    at our post-reception party at the country night club where hubby and 
    I met.  Even seeing us in our finest (veil and all), with families 
    in tow, many *still* thought it was an April Fool's prank!
    
    *Sigh*!  Perhaps the joke was on us?
    
    M.
    

	Where I used to work this machine we used to build had to be wittled to
make the plastic parts fit (beginning stages and all). It would take about 1
week to build 1 machine. This guy spent a week doing just that, and then we had
our boss call him into his office. We switched his machine with one that was
trash. He came back and I was throwing something into the air, and looked as
though it would hit me so I stumbled back, grabbing at the table, and pulling
the machine onto the floor, and it smashed into pieces. This guy who was
standing nearby saw what happened, and yelled out, BONEHEAD! The guy who built
it did everything he could to keep from exploding. My friend told him we could
fix it... but he knew better! It took him a couple of minutes to figure out
that it was a fake..... I think the only reason he didn't get pissed was
because he was relieved his machine was fine. 

	He got even the next day when I got back from jogging. I was taking a
shower and he came in and took my towel and all of my clothes. I was as naked
as a newborn, and soaked with water. 

    Put cream of wheat in somebody's laundry detergent.

    
    My favourite pledge prank in sorority house:
    
    Lift toilet seat, stretch saran wrap over the porcelain, put seat back
    down.         

    <--- iiiiick!
    
    -b

    If the seats are black, you put black shoe polish on 'em.

    Pledge prank:  Use a little food coloring to turn Molson green.

    That's not a pledge prank! That's a St. Patrick's day party!
    
    -b

    	Put that blue microscopy lab dye (methylene blue, or something
    	like that) and add it to cola, and the person who consumes it
    	ends up having blue/green urine later on.

    That would make me feel blue, and grievously troubled.

    One of the fraternities at school (not mine I can assure you, pure as
    the driven snow etc.) decided to pull a prank on one of the sororities
    known for it's semi-elitist attitudes.  Being an agricultural school
    there were plenty of props around to use.  One bright sunny morning,
    the women woke to find their house sign had been replaced but the
    Michigan State University Bovine Research Station sign cemented into
    the front lawn.  Caused quite the outrayge and the culprits were never
    found.  Then there were the various farm animals that used to be let
    loose inside one of the sorority houses......

I replaced the AUTOEXEC.BAT file in my friend's PC with a BAT file that
said:

DELETING ALL FILES FROM HARD DRIVE NOW.

...and then it did a DIR/S>NUL so that his hard disk access LED flashed
for a few seconds, and disk activity was heard.

The best part, though, was that I also replaced his DIR command with a
BAT file that said:

 Volume in drive C is <his drive name>
 Directory of C:\

File not found

...it worked. He paniced. 

We're still friends.

Art

    in the old days of vt220's and DecServers, we used to go round setting
    people's break characters to something ordinary like "e" so as they
    typed it would jump back to the Local> prompt for no (apparent) reason
    
    tee hee
    
    ric

    When the Vietnam war was raging and the draft was in full swing, I was
    going to college in Rochester NY. My roommate at the time was one J.
    Robert Gunther, Jr. (nickname "Gunner"). J. Robert Gunther Sr. was, by
    all accounts, a millionaire -- mansion in Connecticut, yacht, private
    plane, the whole bit. His son was a total screw-off with absolutely no
    sense of responsibility.
    
    At the beginning of the new school year we were handed 3 cards
    at registration. One to indicate any interest you had in joining
    various clubs, one to establish emergency contacts, and another which
    was required so the school could record your elegibility for Student
    Status ... which just might keep you from being drafted for Vietnam.
    
    6 Months later I was doing homework, and needed a pencil ... none in my
    desk so I look in Gunner's. There, laying in a pile in his desk drawer
    were the three cards. True to form -- he never filled them out or sent
    them in.
    
    Me:  Gunner -- didn't you fill these cards out? 
    Gunner:  What cards?
    Me:  These cards we got at registration. 
    Gunner:  Nah. 
    Me:  Gunner -- don't you realize that one of these is your student 
    	deferment card?
    Gunner:  It is? Oh. Well, I guess I never got around to it. I'll have
    	to send it in one of these days.
    Me:  One of these days!?!?!  Gunner!  You could get drafted.
    Gunner:  Yeah? Well ... maybe I better do it tomorrow. Right now I 
    	think I'll take a nap.
    
    I decided that Mr. Gunther needed to be taught a lesson about
    procrastination and matters of the Federal government. I went to a
    fellow fraternity brother who had recently gotten his order to report
    for physical. He had already gone and failed the physical (blind as a
    bat with coke bottle glasses) but still had the form. I asked him to
    give it to me and I:
    
    	Used "White-out" to carefully remove any written or typed
    	information on the form, leaving me with a blank ORDER TO REPORT
    	FOR PHYSICAL form.
    
    	I then cut out a circle from a piece of plain white paper, leaving
    	only room for the seal of the SELECTIVE SERVICE SYSTEM to show 
    	through. I photocopied this, leaving me with what appeared to be
    	a blank piece of Selective Service stationery. At the time I was
    	working for the IRS and had access to official government 
    	envelopes with that little square in the right corner where the 
    	postage stamp goes that says "Official Government Business" I made
    	a mask for that too and copied that and the Selective Service logo
    	onto a large business envelope ... voila, a very official looking
    	Selective Service envelope.
    
    	I typed up a very official looking letter from the SSS addressed
    	to Gunner's home in Connecticut ... "Greetings: Since we have not
    	heard from you in regard to continuation of your student deferment
    	for the calendar year 1970, you are hereby ordered to report for
    	a physical examination in preparation for ... " blah blah
    	blah. I filled out the Order to Report form with his name and
    	other relevant information. Stuck all this in the Selective
    	Service envelope and put that inside a larger white envelope.
    
    	With the plot all set, I waited about a month. Then I:
    	forged his mother's handwriting from other mail she had forwarded
    	up to Rochester and addresed the larger envelope ... made it look 
    	like she was just forwarding this on up to Gunner. Put a stamp
    	on the envelope and had my girlfriend (who worked in the campus
    	post office) put a very faint postmark on it and cancel the stamp.
    	She then shoved it in Gunner's mailbox and I waited for the fun
    	to start.
    	
    I thought the man was going to go into cardiac arrest. 
    
    Gunner:  (back from a mailroom run) Wow. what's this?
    Me:	What?
    Gunner:  Selective Service?
    Me: Oh. It's probably your deferrment. You sent that card in, right?
    	Right? Gunner! Don't tell me you didn't send that card in yet!?
    Gunner:  Well, no. I kinda forgot. Jeez. This thing is kinda thick.
    Me: Uh oh.
    Gunner:  OH MY GOD ... OH MY GOD ... OH MY GOD (walking in circles now)
    	OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OMIGOD!!!!!  I BEING DRAFTED!!  GEEEZIS KRIST!!
    	I'M BEING EFFING DRAFTED. OHMIGOD OHMIGOD!!! 
    
    I kept it going for a good hour. Really tortured the poor bastard.
    When I finally told him the truth he wouldn't believe me.  I had to
    stop him from sending a letter to the Selective Service board begging
    them to reinstate his deferrment. However, he DID send the card in.
    
    Probably saved the poor bastard's life.
    
    
    
    
    

RSTS/E didn't (doesn't?) have file versions, but it did have a "may write
directly to directory files" priv.  We made a copy of someone's directory
and then re-wrote their directory such that all the files had the same file
name.

After appropriate sounds were heard from the person's cube, we restored
their directory.

Bob

    That was an excellent annecdote!!
    
    Only joke played on me at DEC was when I was temping in 1987, I was
    sending my resume electronically all over the place.  Not knowing about
    job levels, etc...not even knowing what a VAX was, I was applying for 
    everything up to SRI 40.  The receivers probably had a good laugh!
    
    Anyway, I was working on a production floor so we all shared a few
    terminals.  When I was logged in, the phone rang at the other end of
    the room.  When I returned, I sent out about ten resumes, some to
    important individuals with realistic opportunities.
    
    One of my colleagues did a Set Personal and wrote, "I Like Big Men".
    Needless to say, I never heard from any of those hiring managers and
    consequently, I used the pause command from that point on!!!
    
    -Jack

    Putting sugar in someone's gas tank does VERY bad things to someone's
    car if they start it and try to run it. 
    
    One time my brother needed to get even with a real SOB so he took an
    opened bag of sugar, took the cap off this guys truck in the parking
    lot, dumped some sugar on the ground and left the almost empty bag
    there.  He did nothing to the car.
    
    

    My hubby has pulled quite a few pranks on his friend at work.  Here's
    just a few:
    
    1.  Vaseline the handles of his desk drawers.
    2.  Superglue his phone down.
    3.  K-Y jelly on the receiver of his phone.
    4.  Put a bazillion BB's in the ring part of his three ring binders. 
        This was about 4 months ago and to this day every time his friend
        pulls a book off his shelf you can hear the BB's fall all over the
        place and then the "Oh *&$!"
    5.  Glue about 2 feet of the toilet paper roll and stick together.  His
        boss actually was in the bathroom and had to have someone come 
        in and get him another roll of toilet paper.  (There were a bunch
        of little tiny pieces of toilet paper all over the floor, but I guess
        he just couldn't get a good piece.)
    6.  Put ex-lax in the cake he made for the pot-luck lunch.
    7.  Took my pain pills for urinary tract infections and put in his
        bosses coffee mug.  Then sent a memo to everyone saying not to 
        drink the water in the kitchen because it was contaminated.  
        The symptoms of this horrible water are fever, shakes, 
        discolored urine.  The only way to fix the problem is to be 
        hospitalized and undergo intense treatment. Well an hour after 
        drinking this coffee, his boss went to the bathroom and found his 
        urine to be "neon, glow-in-the-dark orange".  (Which is
        what these pain pills are supposed to do, but he didn't know that).  
        He called the hospital and tried to explain what had happened and he
        needed to be treated.
    8.  For over a year, all the employees of this company saved all their
        trash paper.  On his birthday they filled his office with this
        paper, so when the boss opened the door to his office, you couldn't 
        see a damn thing except paper.  Needless to say it took him most of 
        the day to haul the paper away.
    
    

    
    
    Two of the guys I work with love to play pranks on eachother.
    One replaced the other's white board, which had important configs
    written on it, with a clean white board.  To get back at him, the other
    guy super glued his mouse to his desk.  The final straw was when 
    the guy that pulled the white board prank lit a piece of paper on fire
    and held it over the smoke detector above the other guy's cubicle...he
    was sitting at his desk at the time, and totally freiked out!  Thank
    goodness he pulled it down before the detectors went off.
    
    
    Terrie
    

    Get a new can of shaving cream and a piece of surgical tubing. Tie
    the surgical tubing off at one end. Put the nozzle of the shaving
    cream can in the other end. Hold it real tight and then start to
    push down on the button that releases the shaving cream.
    
    If you have a new can of shaving cream, after a few seconds a big 
    bulge will develop in the surgical tubing ... a big bulge of shaving
    cream under I N C R E D I B L E pressure. Pull nozzle out. Put 
    the tied-off end and big bubble in someone's desk drawer. Position the 
    open end (which you are by now trying VERY hard to hold on to) where 
    the drawer closes and slam it shut. If the drawer holds tight, there is
    a NASTY surprise waiting for the first person who opens it. Shaving
    cream will go  E V E R Y W H E R E !!
    

  >>      6.  Put ex-lax in the cake he made for the pot-luck lunch.
    
    Be very careful with laxatives.  In college, a candy mooch was given
    feenamints instead of chicklets.  Spent three days in the
    hospital...almost died!  
    
    Can you say...Involuntary manslaughter?!
    
    -Jack

	Fooled one of my college room mates who loved to
try any kind of drugs into taking one of those blue pills
that colors the urine blue..................
	We all heard a big scream from the bathroom the
next morning...........%^)

    .32

    Can you say involuntary toilet splatter?

    or involuntary mantrotter

Slipping pain medication to an unknowing victim?  Hmmm.

    
    I had a friend who was a police officer, whom our "victim" didn't
    know, and we planned this one ahead.  While the victim was driving
    legally with me shotgun, my cop friend pulls us over and comes up
    and asks for his license and registration.
    
    At this point, I reach across and motion the victim not to.  "Don't
    give it to him, Phil !  Officer, we know our rights !  You just get
    along now, you have no business asking for our documents."
    
    Cop :  "I must see your license and registration."
    Me :  "Hey, buzz off.  Do you know who this guy is ?  You hassle us,
         you'll be walking a beat tomorrow !"
    Cop : "Oh yeah ?  We'll see about that !  (to the victim) :  Out of
         the car you !"
    Me : "Stand your ground, Phil.  This guy is out of line."
    Phil : "Wh-wh-what are you doing - stop it, officer, I-I-I..."
    Cop : "Exit the vewhicle now !  Hands on the car !  Assume the
         position !"  Draws nightstick.
    Me : "Don't do it, Phil !"
    Phil (to me)  "SHUT UP !!  What are you crazy ?  Officer, this is a
         mistake, I-I-I..."
    
    At which point, the cop and I just burst into laughter.  Phil was
    pretty sharp and caught on in about 20 seconds.
    
      bb

    At college, one of the buildings built in the seventies, and was
    covered with large tiles in various shades of blue -- making it look
    rather like a large shower stall.  One of my friends worked in the set
    department at the theater, and was inspired.
    
    One morning, Bradley/Gerry was adorned with a large shower head hanging
    over the roof.

	Used to work at Compugraphic in the days when computers used
	punched tape to receive instructions. There were always piles of
	the chaff around from making the tapes.

	On my last day, they arranged a going away party for me.
	I suspected that I would be pied as was the custom.
	I also knew who would arrange it.
	So, during the day, while said person was busy, I got a hold
	of his car keys, ran out to his car in the parking lot
	and filled his defroster with the chaff. I then set the
	controls for defrost, hi-speed fan setting. Ran back in
	and returned the keys. He never suspected a thing.

	Later, during the party in the cafeteria, they did it.
	They nailed me head on with a giant cream pie and a good
	laugh was had by all. I turned to my friend and told him
	that revenge would be mine before the day was over.
	He assured me that he was going to
	watch me like a hawk for the rest of the day.
	he did. And I of course never budged from my work area.
	So as we all walked out to the parking lot at the end of the day
	he was feeling rather pleased. He had had me pied and was quite sure
	that I had not had the opportunity to retaliate.

	He got in his car, looked over at me, gave me one last
	grin. He started his car and it suddenly looked like
	a northeaster inside. I waved goodbye as he sat there,
	shaking his chaff covered head.

	Years later I ran into him at a store. During the conversation
	he mentioned that that damn stuff kept coming out of his defroster
	for months afterwards.	

    
    My little sister got my father and myself April fools day when we were 
    growing up.
    Late at night she got up and turned all the clocks and watches in the 
    house up one hour, then set the alarms so we would get up late . Well
    we got up an hour early and I sped off to school , he sped off to work
    while she sat in the bushes and laughed at us calling us her little 
    April fools. 
    

    
    Someone filled every single drawer and container in my office with 
    styrofoam packing noodles once.
                           

    At RIT we put a huge pair of "mickey mouse" hands made out of styrofoam
    on a big clock that overlooked the main campus courtyard near the
    dorms. Held someone over the edge of an 8 story building by his feet to
    put them on at midnight. It was a hoot the next morning.
    

    I told this story before, but it's funny so I'll tell it again.
    
    The name of the sports teams at my high school was the "Napoleons",
    which was typically shorted to "Naps". There was a big sign
    which hung in the gym that said "Go Naps". One night, someone
    snuck in the gym and inverted the p so it looked like a d...
    
    Funny think was, all the students noticed it immediately, but
    none of the staff did for several days.
    
    -b

    Lean a 55 gallon barrel of water against a door that swings in.  Knock,
    run, hide, enjoy.
    
    Mark.

1 -----	Once upon a time, LOOOOOONG ago, I worked for a machine tool company
	writing control programs for grinding machines.  One of the guys that
	did final testing on the machines before shipment always used to brag
	about how thorough his testing was and how accurate his measurements
	were.  Always up for a challenge, I took it upon myself to test the
	tester.  I reprogramed the machine.  Instead of feeding in inches
	per minute, the machine fed in furlongs per fortnight.  The super-
	tester never noticed.  When one of the other engineers noticed the
	code change, he asked me about it.  I told him what I was up to.
	He laughed, so told the whole department.  Word eventually got
	back to supertester.  He was definitly not amused -- neither was
	his boss.

2 -----	A friend of mine is a kung fu instructor who frequently does demonstra-
	tions of his sword technique.  He was giving a demonstration for a show
	one night where he would cut a watermelon in half.  The watermelon 
	was sitting on someone's chest at the time and the swordsman was
	blindfolded.  For this particular show, someone desided to play a
	joke on my friend.  They froze the watermelon solid.  When he cut
	the melon, the sword stuck about halfway through.  The prankster yelled
	"Oh! You killed him!".  My friend ripped off the blindfold and discovered
	that the melon holder was in fact not hurt and that everyone in the hall
	was laughing at him.  The prankster was last seen leaving at a dead run
	followed closely by a not-too-amused martial artist.  Some people have
	no sense of humor.

    	Switch someone's terminal keyboard from STANDARD (or NORTH AMERICAN
    	or whatever it's set on) to FLEMISH.
    
    	It's so subtle, they'll not suspect anything right away.
    
    	Try it on your own keyboard.  Type in the alphabet.

    Put Ben Gay in a tube of Preparation-H.

    
    
    Better yet, put preperation H in a tooth paste tube.  :*)
    

    
    Replace your friend's rear license plate with one that looks normal, 
    but says "BITE ME" (or something more imaginative...).
    

    RE: -1
    
    BWAHAHAHAHAHA .... OUCH!!
    
    Spread NEAT hair remover all over the inside of someone's 
    jockstrap. After they run around the basketball court and get
    all sweated up it starts to work real good. 
    
    The real fun starts when they get in the shower. 
    
    And lasts untile the hair all grows back 'cause 'til it does it's
    REAL ithcy!
    
    
    

    
    
    
    RE: .50  Personal experience?  :*)
    

    RE: 51
    
    No but I saw it done and watched the poor kid trying not
    to scratch himself in class for about a week and a half.
    
    

                                   
    .46
                        
    I don't have Flemish, but I do have Belgian.  Does that count?  It
    didn't seem to do anything 8^(.

    That's a Belgian for you! :-)
    
    -b

    
    ...bloody SPROUTS!
    

    
    I know what that means, so BEHAVE YOURSELF!
    

    	re .53
    
    	Sure you have FLEMISH.  Everyone has FLEMISH.  Maybe there are
    	more pages of choices than will fit on your screen.  Try the
    	down-arrow, or use the mouse (if you have one) to page down.

    
    Nope, I've got English US English UK French German Italian Spanish
    Swesdish Finnish Norwegian Danish Canadian (?) Swiss German Swiss
    French and Belgian.
    
    Am I looking in the wrong place?  This is under Keyboard Setup.

    >I know what that means, so BEHAVE YOURSELF!
    
    No offense intended, of course!
    
    (For the Anglo impaired, the Belgians are to British humor what
     Polish people are to American humor.)
    
    -b

    A friend of mine grew up in a neighborhood that had a real obnoxious 
    dog that always chased people, barked for hours on end, crapped in 
    everyone's yard, etc.  One Halloween the kids called the dog over and 
    gave him a big piece of meat to chew on while the other kids took Nair 
    and wrote, "Eff You" on the dogs side.
    
    Needless to say, the obnoxious owner who owned the obnoxious dog kept
    the dog tied up after that.
    
    

    This is a future trick.
    
    My Pastor is a practical joker.  He gets into the church every morning
    at 6:00 A.M.  I will set up a camera inside by his office and a 
    camera outside the church.  
    
    Now...to find a defumigated skunk.  I will place it in his midst and
    enjoy watching him flail his arms in a panic as he runs out the door. 
    
    The cameras are strictly for posterity.  I could probably get $10.00
    per video!!!!
    
    -Jack

    
    In high school, around election time, we would gather up as many
    election signs as possible, and quietly put them all in someone's
    yard.  Our record was 300 signs. The yard looked like a cemetary.
    
    ;^)

    In another company, which if I mention Sanders Locheed, I might get
    into trouble...:) Welp. There was this guy who use to spend his free
    time and or breaks on the pooper. And on Thrusdays and long weekends he
    would be down in the executive pooper in the HQ building on Spitbrook
    Rd. 
    
    One day... another tech was looking for this gent, named Boomer. And
    Boomer was in his usual spot reading the papers. This tech was going
    round and round looking for Boomer. Searched every mens room on the
    site. All the floors in the tower all the stalls in the building. There
    was a system that had to be out on the loading docks by such and such a
    time or Else!! Some heads would roll. And Boomer had the final shipping
    papers with him someplace in one of the stalls....
    
    Finally, we found Boomers shoes under a stall door. The tech told me to
    grab a side of a 25 gallon trash barrel, and we hoisted the barrel of
    used hand wipes over the stall door and poured in two barrels worth.
    Boomer, certainly was pooping his pants off! And we left asking Boomer
    if he had enough papers to wipe with...:)

Years ago, I was working in the shipping dept of a small pwb shop 
in Methuen Ma. One afternoon we filled the interior of our 
supervisor's Camaro with shipping peanuts. He clogged up all 6 of 
the vacuum machine at the car wash down the street trying to 
clean them out. 6 months later he would still get one out of his 
defroster once a week or so.

daryll

	Anyone remember seeing a jeep that was shrinked wrapped out in the HLO2
parking lot say maybe 4-5 years ago? It belonged to a friend of mine. When he
went out there he saw it, saw people around it, and got a ride home from a
friend. He later came back when no one was around and cut his jeep free. It was
a RIOT to see!


Glen

    
    A long long time ago in the service... A buddy and I had access to some
    very large weather balloons. Another buddy who had pulled numerous
    pranks on us in the past returned to his room in barracks to discover a
    weather balloon that had been filled to the burst point with a
    bazillion gallons of water using a garden hose run through his window. 
    
    No matter what he tried to do he couldn't figure out how to get that
    water out without breaking the balloon. In desperation he tried by
    brute force to move the balloon close enough to be able to siphon water
    outside......wrong move because somewhere beneath all some piece of
    furniture punctures balloon. Water, water, everywhere.   
    
    He knew who did it but never got the chance for revenge as we shipped out 
    the following day. 
    
    jb