Conference back40::soapbox

    Forget the road show.
    
    2 - $30 rooms
    add 2 cases of beer, a big bottle of jack, a stereo, couple filthy 
    video tapes.
    
    2 - $100 Hookers
    
    (He may decide not to get married) If he does, he will name his first
    born his best dog and his pick-up truck after you.  
    

    Filthy video tapes damage VCR's. Why don't you use a couple of clean
    new ones?
    
    Now, if you had 2 cases of Brador......

    re .0
    
    cheapskate. spend some money and do it right.

How about Atlanta, GA.  My brochere below will explain it's advantages.


	72 	Gentlemen's Clubs 
	1  	Afterhours (twenty-four hour) Club
	100+ 	Waffle House's in Metro Atlanta
	1	Tour Guide (me for the price of free beer)
	16	Hours from Boston (may more in a Winnebago)
	1	Big A** Airport
	3	Inexpensive Hotel/Motels by my condo
	


I have to tell you the bad as well as the good

	2	Bad Sports Teams (Falcons and Hawks)
	1	Hellofalongdrive from Mass.
	1 	Ted Turner Megaegomaniac
	1	Hanoi Jane
	3	Million People
	2	Million Reckless Drivers
	
But if you are up to it, send mail.

Paul
	
	
	

    
    
    Why don't you guys do what you normally do up in them parts.  I mean
    hey, who really gets tired of cow tipping.
    
    
    Or else Gene can let you in on his sheep by the cliff trick.....
    
    
    hope this helps,
    
    Mike

    If your going to make this a night tom remember get his intended in on
    it.   The rest is easy, just get him into the most compromising
    situation and then get him "discovered"  perhaps my mind is getting too
    devious for this one but how about a rubbergram??
    
    R. Michael.

    ... it had to be asked.
    

    There's a story I heard from the ranks of the Canadian armed forces
    about the bachelor party to beat them all. What happened was after a
    night of debauchery and getting the groom comatose, his buddies took
    all of his clothes off, threw him in his car, drove to CFB Trenton, put
    him AND his car into a Hercules transport bound for Lahr West Germany.
    The guy woke up, naked, hung over, and IN GERMANY.

    Glenn

    >The guy woke up, naked, hung over, and IN GERMANY.
    
    This happens all the time at Oktoberfest!
    
    -b

    8^)
    
    

    	A true friend wouldn't seek to damage the couple's relationship.

    
    in boxes past there would have been a 100+ string of junk from
    the suburbs by this point.

    Forget the tacky hooker/dirty video/strip show stuff. What are you,
    hard up?
    
    Stick to booze,booze and yet more booze. But only if you can handle it.
    
    Strictly no women involved (not being sexyst,but it`s like a load
    of blokes going to a hen party),and only have true friends along. 
    
    

    Re: .8
    
    >The guy woke up, naked, hung over, and IN GERMANY.
    
    With friends like that, who needs enemies?

    NO cam-corders!
    
    

    NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER
    NEVER NEVER tell the bride what you did.  Assure her that it was
    nothing bad, but keep your mouth shut.
    

    	Take him shopping for furniture.  As a surprise, pitch in and
    	buy him something in which he showed interest.

 Throw him a "shower"...get him a bunch of tools, etc..stuff he's gonna
 need when his wife starts putting together those "honeydo" lists.




Jim

    Like honeydo melons?

    Hmmmm. Well, alright, you talked me into it.

    It's in the dictionary. adv. nonstandard. All right.

    zat a good thing?

    	Give him a pounding at a party.
    
    
    	Like a bridal shower for the groom, but you get him things in
    	one-pound units -- a pound of nails, a pound of tile grout, a
    	pound of soap, etc.

    This is making me nervous with all these mamby pamby suggestions.  
    .0 is the Best Man and will have to answer for this party for the rest
    of his days.  Get the groom drunk, beat up, thrown in jail, wreck his
    car, disfigure him, ruin his reputation and his credit, fine.  He will
    forgive you.  Give him a boring tupperware party and he will forever
    have to hang his head in shame when men speak of their send offs.
    
    Word of warning, as a previous note strongly warned, Never ever tell
    the bride anything.  She  cannot be trusted anymore to deal in a same
    fashion with any matter.  She has become a WIFE.  
    
    

>    Give him a boring tupperware party and he will forever
>    have to hang his head in shame when men speak of their send offs.
    
	Yeah.  I'm just loaded with jealousy when I hear about other
    	guys who end up naked and hung over in Germany.  And some day 
    	I'll hear a story about a guy who picked up some disease from
    	a hooker that his "best man" fixed him up with, and I'll just
    	hang my head in shame for missing out on the fun of passing it
    	to my wife...
    
    	Grow up.

    Having a good preen are we Joe?
    

    Make sure there are no cameras around to record moments the future
    bride would not understand nor find humorous. "Ha! Ha! Boy, look at the
    look on ole Bob's face after the three naked hookers climbed all over
    him". Nope. Don't think the bride would be laughing in the least.

    
    
    RE .28
    
    Blah ,blah ,blah ttthhhrrrrruuuppp!
    
    Beer and Shagging rules ok.
    Get yer Melons oot ok.
    

 
I've been to 2 bachelor parties in my 44 years..thankfully, similar affairs
were not held in my honor.





Jim

    If you Yanks could tell the difference between real beer and fermented
    platypus piss then a stag night with beers abound sorts the men out
    from the boys. After a couple of Euro beers you would have 3 hookers
    crawling over Mr Floppy.
    
    :*

    I agree with the previous note,you yanks don't have a clue when it
    comes to beer and women (under 400 lbs),you are usually full of false 
    niceness which we scottish think is cack.Go and drink some reindeer
    pish.
    
                     Land of the free
    			and the
    		     Home of the poofs.yes it's the good ole USA.
    
                                                       Ronda.

Thanks to you blokes in the British Isles for adding some sanity.

    Help me Ronda!
    
    Well, no, it's ok, I'm Canadian.

    Take him bowling.

    I'm with Joe. this whole
    get-stinking-drunk-beat-up-laid-in-public-by-a-hooker-go-to-jail-etc
    schtick sounds like a real downer. 
    
    And they way you guys talk about the bride-to-be makes it pretty clear
    you don't much like women. If any of the grooms-to-be buy this, I'd
    advise not showing up at the church next day. Maybe everyone would be
    happier in the long run.
    
    Kit

    i'm with joe and kit.  i shall be eternally grateful that my best man
    was an adult, instead of a small boy in a man suit, and did not arrange
    a bachelor party for me.

    
    go hunting for a vision for three days in the woods wearing 
    only a loincloth and a bag of magick cacti.

    You bunch of boring toss pots. As I stated in my earlier note,don`t
    involve tacky prostitutes and sex shows. I agree,that`s pretty rough.
    
    But what`s so terrible about going out with your mates and drinking
    and having a laugh?
    
    It was a worrying sign in supposedly super fun San Franciso that the
    only place to have a drink was with a light pasta and salad. And even
    that was disapproved of. Capaccino was much more in order.
    
    And there was a distinct lack of large groups of geezers on the lash.
    Unlike here in England.
    
    

    .41
    
    i'll settle for tossing a pot in preference to being potted, which is
    the usual consequence of bachelor-party drinking.  a friend suffered
    the latter on fine evening in 1972, and he needed to be physically
    propped up the next day in order to say his vows.  bad way to start a
    lifelong partnership.
    
    btw, for them as doesn't know, a tosspot is a lush.  watching a lush
    try to lash can be funny, but probably not to his future mate.

Any bachelor party I ever attended or arranged was held about a week before
The Blessed Event, not the evening before, which is normally quite tied up
with rehearsals, dinners for same, etc.

    Mine was the night before my blood test was scheduled... about 15
    minutes after drawing the blood, the doctor came out and said to
    me "you're kidding, right?"
    
    Turns out, my blood alchohol level was so high, it screwed up the
    tests... I was still too crocked to drive there... someone else
    had to... went back the next day and things were fine...
    
    Getting 'faced at a bachelor party is a time-honored tradition. That
    way, no matter what else happens, you can always claim not to
    remember it...
    
    -b

    If you want a manly activity, shoot some pool.  You can make it sound
    as seedy and disreputable as you want, afterwards.

    	Pull together a poker night with a bunch of friends.  Give
    	all the winnings to the groom-to-be whether he won or not.
    
    	Play loud music and fart a lot if you need it to be "manly".

    re: the previous few replies who disagree getting smashed with your
    mates & how glad they were that their best man didn't arrange anything
    like that. The reason he probably didn't is because the groom requires
    two crucial things to make a stag night work:
    
    
     1) Mates
    
    
     2) A personality
    
    Without either it's pointless having a stag. H*ll they might as well
    cut outy the middle man & pull on a blouse & skirt .

    > Play loud music and fart a lot
    
    hear, hear!  (in a figurative way, of course.)

    
    
    RE: .48  Shouldn't that have been, smell, smell?

    you can smell music?

    
    
    
    Well, it was a long time ago and I didn't know what it was that this
    person had given me to take, but yeah. :')

    
    
    	So far these notes have only been about getting smashed and doing
        the wild monkey dance with slags.
    
    	We in Scotland have an old Stag night custom that involves getting
    	the poor sod so smashed out of heid that he can't speak .Then,
        stripping him naked and Scotch taping him to a street lamp.
    	If the street lamp is on a main bus route the better.
    
    	Spanking of the buttocks is encouraged by any passer by and
    	a good whack with an Irn Bru bottle is also permitted.
    
        You yanks just haven't lived.
    
    	Ps. I just wanted to share this experience.
    
     
    	

    
    >Scotch taping him
    
    shouldn't that be "Scots tape" fer you?

    How about nude bowling??

<--- Spare me the details.

    That`s all we need. A mad Scotsman.
    

    > mad Scotsman.
    
    isn't that a tautology?

        Careful, laddie ...
        
        

    remember, &y, i've a wee drap o' the burn in me.

    I threw a party for a friend of mine,
    
    
        We took a crew to foxwoods casino, for the day.  It was a good
    time.  Gambling and all....
    
    
    
    Rick

    RE: nude bowling
    
    Be careful, very careful, which balls you grab when it's your turn...
    
    -b

    <-- This subject is obviously right down your alley.

    Is is BLOWING night already?

    Spare me the details...
    
    Rick

                              
       Alright!  Furniture shopping is not going to work.  Tupperware 
    parties are out of the question.  And if anyone tapes me naked to
    a lamp post on a bus route I will personally give them a vasectomy
    with a spoon.  As for farm animals, I think we need to leave them
    out of the picture.  
       As for the consumption of beer, beer and more beer, and did I 
    mention beer?  This is more along the lines of a bachelor party.
    Some other party items that could be suggested:  strippers, beer,
    flicks, strippers, beer...
    
    
    -Bachelor In Question 
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    

    You must keep all appendges away from the ball return lane and storage
    area to prevent anything from getting smashed between balls.  You could
    lose a finger nail or something.  
    
    Brian

    re: .66
    
    However, that small air jet for drying hands could be fun. :-)
    
    ...Tom

    Although most of my bahelor party experiences were 20 or so yewars ago:
    
    Things that worked:
    
    	Dinner and (lots of)drinks at the Playboy Club in NY.
    	Drinking up all the TsingTao at one of New Yorks best Szechuan
    	restaurants.
    	Hitting 90% of the grubby bars on the South Shore of Long Island
    	the night before the wedding.
    	Spending every afternoon for a week taking tours of the F.X. Matt
    	brewery.
    
    Things that didn't work so well:
    	Getting the groom drunk, taking his money and ID and putting him on
    	a plane to St. Louis.
    	
    Things that didsn't work AT ALL:
    	A good old-fashioned (or whatever) booze, strippers and hookers
    	party  with the BRIDE's male relative present.

I finally got one!
    
    
 SSSSSSS    NN    NN     AAAAAA     RRRRRRR     FFFFFFFF     ! 
SSSSSSSS    NN    NN    AAAAAAAA    RRRRRRRR    FFFFFFFF    !!!
SSS         NNN   NN    AA    AA    RR    RR    FF          !!!
SSS         NNNN  NN    AA    AA    RR    RR    FF          !!!
 SSSSSS     NNNNN NN    AAAAAAAA    RRRRRRRR    FFFFFFFF    !!!
    SSSS    NN NNNNN    AAAAAAAA    RR  RR      FFFFFFFF    !!!
     SSS    NN  NNNN    AA    AA    RR   RR     FF           ! 
     SSS    NN   NNN    AA    AA    RR    RR    FF             
SSSSSSSS    NN   NNN    AA    AA    RR    RR    FF          !!!
SSSSSSS     NN    NN    AA    AA    RR    RR    FF          !!!

Copywrite MillSoft, Enterprizes.  All Rights Reserved.

    RE: a few back...
    
    What is wrong with getting smashed on your bachelor party? If thats
    what your into then so what? If your best man is a friend at all then
    he'll know that thats what you like or its what you don't like. 
    So he gets drunk, sees some naked women dance in front of him, has a
    good time and gets married. Big deal.
    
    I had a great time on mine. My best man invited everyone over to his
    place and we played volleyball and drank and talked of old times long 
    into the night. 
    
    But thats what I wanted. 
    
    
    
    Dave

>    If your best man is a friend at all then
>    he'll know that thats what you like or its what you don't like. 
    
    	OK, but that doesn't cover suggestions in here of getting the
    	guy drunk beyond awareness, and then fixing him up with a 
    	hooker or on a plane to Germany.  You'd be hard-pressed to
    	find even one guy who would want that for himself.
    
    	On top of that, what I like(d) may no longer be what's best for 
    	my wife or my marital relationship(-to-be).  As a sober individual 
    	I might have the mental wherewithal to realize that another 
    	person -- who is the most important person in my life -- will
    	be affected by things I do.  I might not be able to count on 
    	my best friend -- especially if he is like those described in
    	this topic -- to have those same concerns for me.
    
    	"Traditional" batchelor parties seem focused on doing things that
    	the groom wouldn't do as a married man.  In my mind once the guy
    	is betrothed it is too late to be pursuing such "adventures"
    	because there is now another person who is standing right beside
    	him -- if not physically then in spirit -- if he really intends
    	to dedicate himself to her as he has pledged.

    Joe,
    
    I thought the idea of a bachelor party WAS to do those things one
    wouldn't/shouldn't do as a married man :-)
    
    

    	Traditionally that seems to be the purpose.  And it is my argument
    	that it is a lousy "tradition" as it now stands.  It is just one 
    	more societal stick with which to beat upon the institution of 
    	marriage.

    The Scottish entry a ways back was right along the lines of a batch
    party that I attended while I was in college. However, the groom-to-be
    was taped to a road sign on a median along a fairly busy street.  Also,
    duct tape was used.  The groom took things pretty well, considering the
    videotape of the events.
    On my bachelor party(also while I was in college) my friends planned to
    get me drunk and shave me clean (and they meant the WHOLE body).
    Luckily, they couldn't hold their kamikazes very well, and they passed
    out before I did. Overall, a great time, both times.

    
    The best one I ever attended went as follows:
    
    	* get 20 guys
    	* rent a 36' sailboat
    	* spend the day drinking and skinny dipping in front of the
          harbor entrance to Newport Beach and greeting other boats
    	  as they enter/leave the harbor until your large booze supply
    	  runs out.
    	* spend all night eating and drinking at restraunts in the
    	  marina (they all had their own docks)
    	* one guy went to the hospital (fell and cut his arm and somehow
          pouring beer directly into the cut didn't help??  I think he
          needed about 20 stitches)
    	* one guy was arrested (tried to start a fist fight with a doctor 
          because he didn't think our friend was getting fast enough treatment)
    	* one guy "disappeared" for several hours (we found him passed out
          in a closet on the boat lying in a pool of vomit)
    	* take a polaroid camera to capture everyone at their best
    
    I think the total cost was about $40-$50 each.  That included
    
    	- boat rental
    	- limo transportation
        - extra meals/drinks at the restraunts
    	- cab fair to the hospital
    	- cab fair to police station (guy was released after a couple hours
          in the drunk tank)
    	- and chipping in to pay all the costs for the designated driver/boat
          pilot who stayed sober and paid for nothing all night.  
    
    Dave	

    <---- $50? Wow, money went far in the 60's didn't it?

    
    
      Stag nights are for gettin the guy oot his face tied up and then
      abused by beefy sailors or get him smashed and then try to kill
      him by pouring at least three pints of spirits ( white spirits
      usually do the trick.) down his thrapple and if he is still standing
      a good kicking is in order or leave him stripped blindfolded and then
      get his wife's to be's mother to do the wild monkey spank dance...and 
      finally showing him the video of it happening later that evening in 
      the pub.......
    
                                                Janet.
    
                                                

    
    
    	You're one sick mutha....glad you weren't my best man.
    
    
    

    .77,.78
    
    .77 was signed "Janet"
    
    i think it must be a Darwinist ritual - if the poor chap can't survive
    then his genes won't be passed on to the next generation cos he's
    obviously a wimp

    <- Ahh, natural selection.

    re: .76
    
    >>> $50? Wow, money went far in the 60's didn't it?
    
    
    Actually it was 1981.  As I recall boat rental for one day (8-12
    hours?) was only about $300-$400.  I believe current rental prices
    are still in that ballpark.  Even $500 split 20 ways is only
    $25/person.  So now the cost might be in the $50-75/person range.
    In any case, it sure beats some rented hall at the Elks club or
    whatever.
    
    Dave