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Conference napalm::heavy_metal

Title:HEAVY_METAL - Talent Round-Up DayDay
Notice:Rules-2.*,Directory-7.*,Roster-3.*,Garbage-99.*
Moderator:BUSY::SLABB
Created:Thu May 05 1988
Last Modified:Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1238
Total number of notes:65616

990.0. "1993 HM Noter Awards" by POWDML::BUCKLEY (Raptor -- Rules the Skies!) Fri Jan 07 1994 14:32

    Ok kid,s it's time once again for our annual HM Noter Awards.  Last
    year, after EscoBarf "fixed" the results, making MetalliCrap win in
    every category, Mike Heiser offered to tally the 1993 results.  So
    Mike, does the offer still stand??
    
    January 10th - January 14th has been designated as the week to send in
    your votes.  We should have the results by Wednesday the 26th.  

    ------------------------------------------------------------------
    
    Here are some categories up for discussion:
    
    MUSIC -
    
    BEST ALBUM
    BEST BAND
    BEST NEW BAND
    BEST SONG/SINGLE
    BEST GUITARIST
    BEST SINGER
    BEST BASSIST
    BEST DRUMMER
    BEST KEYBOARDIST
    "WISH THEY WOULD JUST GO AWAY" AWARD
    BEST VIDEO - FULL LENGTH
    BEST VIDEO - SINGLE
    BEST CONCERT
    BIGGEST POSER BAND
    THEY'VE BEEN SUCKED INTO THE TAR PITS (M.I.A Award)
    "THEY REALLY GOT WORSE" AWARD
    "THEY GOT SO MUCH BETTER" AWARD

    VISUAL - 
    
    BEST PICTURE
    BEST ACTOR
    BEST ACTRESS
    BEST TV SHOW
    BEST TV COMEDY
    BEST TV ACTOR 
    BEST TV ACTRESS
    LAMEST TV SHOW
    TV WHICH ACTUALLY GOT BETTER
    TV WHICH ACTUALLY GOT WORSE
    BEST MOVIE COMEDY
    BEST MODEL
    UGLIEST TV PERSONALITY
    "WISH THEY WOULD JUST GO AWAY" AWARD
        
    NOTERS - 
    
    NOTER OF THE YEAR
    NOTE OF THE YEAR
    NOTE STRING OF THE YEAR
    ROOKIE HM NOTER OF THE YEAR
    MOST MISSED NOTER
    P_NAME OF THE YEAR
    NOTER FROM THE MOST DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY AWARD
    MOST OBNOXIOUS NOTES PERSONALITY
    NICKNAME OF THE YEAR
    FUNNIEST NOTER
    BIGGEST TROUBLE MAKER
    WORSTED SPELLER
    BEST GRAMMER
    HERVE VILLACHEZ NOTER LOOK-ALIKE AWARD 
    MOST INFORMATIVE
    BEST HAIR
    BEST PARTYER
    SHORTEST NOTER
    BEST BASHER
    MOST "/PRC AWARD" BASHED
    
    CONSUMPTION - 
    
    BEST BEER
    BEST PIZZA 
    GROSSEST FOOD
    BEST VEGGIE
    BEST MIXED DRINK
    BEST ALCOHOL
    BEST BAR
    BEST BROWN STUFF
    BEST CANDY 
    WORST TASTING BURP
    BEST NUKABLE FOOD
    
    OTHER STUFF -
    
    BEST PICK UP LINE
    BEST STATE
    BEST AMUSEMENT PARK
    NEWSWORTHY @SSH@LE OF THE YEAR
    BEST PLACE TO VOMIT
    BEST HANGOVER CURE
    BEST THING TO DO WITH A PUMPKIN
    FAVORITE SAYING
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
DateLines
990.1FRETZ::HEISERno, I'm very, very shyFri Jan 07 1994 15:271
    Sure I'll do it...  heh heh heh
990.2What about us ...COMET::VERMETTECYou may call me ... TimFri Jan 07 1994 23:467
    What about us weekend people .... ? 
    with no modem access .... ?
    with *a* life .... ?
    
    
    chris
    
990.3:PCOMET::MARTINNokay,now what?....Sat Jan 08 1994 03:521
    yea,right! you want us to actually believe that? ;-)
990.4COMET::VERMETTECYou may call me ... TimSat Jan 08 1994 04:088
            <<< Note 990.3 by COMET::MARTINN "okay,now what?...." >>>
                                     ^^^^^^^
 >   yea,right! you want us to actually believe that? ;-)
    
    yea! mrs. "I m gonna have a party and then cancel cuz Im working" martin
    
    chris
    
990.5GOES11::HOUSEOften imitated, but never duplicatedSat Jan 08 1994 14:554
    Long as you send it in a couple of days before the deadline, you should
    be fine.  Do it now, if you're worried about missing it.
    
    gh
990.6COMET::MARTINNokay,now what?....Sun Jan 09 1994 20:506
    re. chris
    
    
    pppfftt! like you'd a showed! :P
    
    rat
990.7exCOMET::VERMETTECYou may call me ... TimSun Jan 09 1994 22:0311
    hey, all my plans for the evening were centered around showing up at
    your party emporium...which was cancelled so i had to find something
    else to do. which is difficult at 5:00pm when everyone I knew was
    already out partying.
    
    See if I show up to your next one! B*)
    
    ;*)
    
    chris
    
990.8:PCOMET::MARTINNTalk Hard!Sun Jan 09 1994 22:477
    
    WOW!!!!! *My* party was the center of *your* plans?!? Humble little ol'
    *me*?!?!? {blush}  And I opted to work and have an overall miserable
    night instead????? :^{   
    
    Not that I believe YOU 'mr. nobody ever invites me to cool parties not
    that I'd show up to them if I was'! :*)
990.9POWDML::BUCKLEYRaptor -- Rules the Skies!Sun Jan 09 1994 23:571
    Chris -- quit your whining and send in your damn votes NOW!
990.10send those votes inFRETZ::HEISERno, I'm very, very shyMon Jan 10 1994 12:391
    yeah, before Dream Theater wins everything.
990.11GOES11::HOUSEOften imitated, but never duplicatedMon Jan 10 1994 12:411
    Hey Mikey, how many times has Buck voted so far?
990.12welcome to democracyFRETZ::HEISERno, I'm very, very shyMon Jan 10 1994 12:451
    20.  As in Chicago, vote early and vote often.
990.13KDX200::ROBRThe road to the south... Impassible!Mon Jan 10 1994 22:534
    
    well, cant be too much dt since the album came out in 92.
    
    
990.14reminder: tomorrow's the cutoff deadlineFRETZ::HEISERit ain't meThu Jan 13 1994 13:201
    >January 10th - January 14th has been designated as the week to send in
990.15well?COMET::VERMETTECYou may call me ... TimSat Jan 15 1994 02:435
    so... where are the results?
    
    chris "the ever anxious and "whine"-filled" vermette
    
    
990.16Hail Ceasar....STRATA::LAMOTHEI Like Short BlondesMon Jan 17 1994 11:446
    
     You want the results....
    
       I took ALL the noter Awards...HA HA HA HAH  !
    
    
990.17FRETZ::HEISERMatthew 5:18Wed Jan 19 1994 13:372
    I'm rolling up the ballots now.  Today is your last chance to send in
    your ballots, bribes, etc.
990.18KDX200::ROBRThe road to the south... Impassible!Wed Jan 19 1994 15:044
    
    change my most obnox from you to the obvious winner... al :')
    
    
990.19couldn't believe it, all that effort for nothinFRETZ::HEISERMatthew 5:18Wed Jan 19 1994 15:131
    Won't matter anyway Rob, there are 2 others ahead of me.
990.20Touche MikeyDREGS::BLICKSTEINdbWed Jan 19 1994 16:233
    > couldn't believe it, all that effort for nothin
    
    Change my vote for "Best comeback" to this.   ;-)
990.21but db, that ain't a categoryFRETZ::HEISERMatthew 5:18Wed Jan 19 1994 17:291
    
990.22MUSICFRETZ::HEISERMatthew 5:18Thu Jan 20 1994 17:2799
The 1993 HM NOTY Award ballots have been tallied and the results have been
proven to be interesting.  Given the vast range of tastes in this conference, it
usually didn't take many votes to take first place.

BEST ALBUM - lots of individual nominations but only 2 albums received more than
1 vote.  Then that didn't even help here because we have a tie:  "Images and
Words" and "Siamese Dreams."  However, "Images and Words" came in second last
year and is hereby disqualfied for trying to enter more than 1 year.  The winner
by tiebreaker and by virtue of Dream Theatre cheating is "Siamese Dreams."

BEST BAND - like above, there were only 3 bands that received more than 1 vote
and it's understandable in a Boston-heavy conference that 2 of them are from
that area.  The 3-way TIE for best band is: Dream Theater, GnR, and Aerosmith.
Dream Theater came in second last year as well.

BEST NEW BAND - again, only 1 band with more than 1 vote: Blind Melon wins this,
despite their glorious review of Dream Theatre in a recent guitar magazine.
Honorable mention goes to the likes of: Breeders, Tool, Skin, Freak of Nature,
Rage Against The Machine, Out of the Grey, Stone Temple Pilots, and Radio Head.
Dream Theater won this award last year, and also tied for honorable mention this
year.  I think they're cheaters.  What's the expiration date of a new band
anyway?

BEST SONG/SINGLE - once again it's close but no cigar for you Dream Theatre
heads.  Plush wins this category while honorable mention goes to Let There be
Rock, Civil War, Sex Type Thing, Time Machine, Bed of Roses, Sober, and What's
Going On.  Brrr!  Metropolis tied for honorable mention as well, but Pull Me
Under won last year and I believe it's on the same album.  I hereby disqualify
Dream Cheater(tm).

BEST GUITARIST - you folks really disappoint me here and prove that there's no
accounting for taste.  Of all the possibilities, the thigh-shuddering, orgasmic,
dripping-with-emotion, Golden Turkey award goes to none other than Steve Vai.
What's worse is this Golden Turkey won in 1990 as well.  You folks haven't been
paying attention very well!  There was a 3-way tie for second place, all of
whom would've won in a non-musically challenged conference:  John Petrucci,
Slash, and the one and only Joe Satriani.  At least Satch won this award last
year.  BTW - I should mention that other thigh-shuddering guitar master, Steve
Morse, got only 1 vote (way to go db!) so at least you folks redeemed
yourselves somewhat.

BEST SINGER - another tie.  I'm starting to wonder if this is the Notre Dame of
music conferences.  You know like "Tie one for the Gipper!", Nother Shame(tm),
"Ties are like kissin' your sister!", and all that stuff.  Nobody wanted to
stand up and be counted so James Labrear and Geoff Tate take first place and
blow kisses to the Sisters of Notre Dame.  James won it last year and Geoff the
year before.  This year they were kind enough to share.

BEST BASSIST - I just don't understand this one.  Somebody whose name sounds
like he's choking on a loogie beat out an insect.  John Myung won this
category and the Flea took second.  Past-winner, Stu Hamm took third.

BEST DRUMMER - No surprised here.  This guy continues to walk away with this
award just about everywhere.  The biggest surprise is that Rob didn't vote for
him: Neil Peart for the 3rd year in a row.  The rest will just have to take a
bow and go back to practicing until they're good enough to do double-bass
parts in their sleep.

BEST KEYBOARDIST - now this is quite the oxymoron: HM Keyboardist!  Kind of like
First Lady Hillary.  When the dust settled though, Kevin Moore was at least 2
votes ahead of everyone else and wins for the 2nd consecutive year.

"WISH THEY WOULD JUST GO AWAY" AWARD - well Escobrat and Rat will be just
thrilled about this outcome:  Metallica and Guns N Roses tied.  When you think
about it, it is rather appropriate too.  We can get rid of them both at the
same time.

BEST VIDEO (FULL LENGTH) - well the band that owned the 1990 awards emerges to
claim this award.  Queensrych was the favorite with "Building Empires."

BEST VIDEO (SINGLE) - Nobody won, this was one massive Nother Shame(tm).
Nominees were: Three Little Pigs, November Rain, Killing In The Name Of...,
I'd Do Anything for Love, Heart Shaped Box, Sober, and Black Lodge.

BEST CONCERT - Dream Cheater finally legitimately wins something with a whopping
2 votes.  Honorable mention goes to The Drugs, Damn Yankmes, GnR @ Milton
Keynes, Rage Against The Machine @ the Paradise, Joe Satriani @ Anywhere,
JonBomb @ The SoundProof Room, Van Headache, Anthraxapy.

BIGGEST POSER BAND - Well we have a new King on the Block here.  Warrant was the
2-time Champion and didn't even earn honorable mention.  The new king had 5
votes and was the only one with more than 1 vote.  The winner is, everyone's
favorite Nancy-Boy: JonBomb!!!  {APPLAUSE NOW!} (Curtsy for the crowd, John.
There ya go, now watch the nylons.  Tough to walk in those pumps ain't it?   
There were many attendants to the prom queen.  All of them bought new gowns in
the thigh-shuddering anticipation of this momentous award, but none of them got
even a kiss:  Metallica, Aerosmith, Vince Neil Band, Dream Theatre, and
BulletBoys.

THEY'VE BEEN SUCKED INTO THE TAR PITS (M.I.A Award) - Iron Maiden (who else?)
was the only one with more than 1 vote.  NEXT!

"THEY REALLY GOT WORSE" AWARD - Metallica (who else?) was the only one with
more than 1 vote.  NEXT!

"THEY GOT SO MUCH BETTER" AWARD - This one is somewhat interesting.  Nirvana
and Soul Asylum tied and were the only ones with more than 1 vote.  Insiders say
Nirvana's bassist's first performance on SNL sealed their chance at an easy
title.
990.23VISUALFRETZ::HEISERMatthew 5:18Thu Jan 20 1994 17:2759
BEST PICTURE - Jurassic Park walked away with 5 votes.  The rest only had one
vote: Star Trek VI, Cliff Hanger, Fugitive, A Few Good Men, Nightmare Before
Christmas.

BEST ACTOR -  Harrison Ford was the only one with more than 1 vote.  He sure has
come a long way since his Han Solo days and is the only one from the Star Wars
Trilogy to really set Hollywood on its ear.  Last year's winner, Arnold
Swarzenmuscle, wasn't even nominated due to his outstanding [...in the cow pie
field...] "Last Action Hero."

BEST ACTRESS - The woman who gave hope to pregnant models everywhere, Demi
Moore, was the only one with more than 1 vote.  Another person that has come a
long way.  Remember her in "Blame it on Rio"?  Ack.  Last year's winner, Sharon
Stone, who really won for her Nude Twister skills (remember that left hand red,
right foot blue?), only received 1 vote.

BEST TV SHOW - all entries tied with 1 vote: Dark Shadows, Beavis & Butthead,
star trek: tng ('92 winner), Red Dwarf, Mystery Science Theatre 3000,
Seinfeld, NYPD Blue, Simpsons, and Married with Children.

BEST TV COMEDY - well we had a winner, but another tie:  Beavis & Butthead and
Roseanne tied with 2 votes.  Honorable mention goes to Red Dwarf, Dream On,
Home Improvement (last year's winner), Seinfeld, and Married with Children.

BEST TV ACTOR - Nother Shame strikes again in this tie-fest: Butthead, John
Goodman, Brian Benben, Kramer (Seinfeld), David Caruso, Seinfeld, and Ed O'Neil
(who came in second last year as well).  Last year's winner Patrick Stewart has
fallen off the face of the planet.

BEST TV ACTRESS - Rosanne Arnold wins with 2 votes.  Louise Dreyfuss (of
Seinfeld) brings up Rosanne's big rear (poor girl; She's too cute for that
torture).  Katie Segal won last year.

LAMEST TV SHOW - another tie-fest: Yo! MTV, Roseanne, america's funniest
people, Top of the Pops, Cops, American's Home Video, Route 66, Martin, and
Saved by the Bell.

TV WHICH ACTUALLY GOT BETTER - same here: 60 Minutes, Renegade, Cable, None,
Roseanne, Discovery channel, Simpsons.

TV WHICH ACTUALLY GOT WORSE - again: MTV, ABC, NBC, CBS (tied), most, Picket
Fences, 90210, FOX, Geraldo.

BEST MOVIE COMEDY - once again: waynes world II, Aladdin, Matinee,
Home Alone II, My Cousin Vinny, Dazed & Confused, Dave

BEST MODEL - we finally have a clear winner and what a beauty she is!
Claudia Schiffer didn't appreciate being second last year and beat out last
year's winner, Cindy Crawford this year.  The rest only had 1 vote.

UGLIEST TV PERSONALITY - well this is another case where a tie is good.  We can
get rid of all of these losers in one fell swoop: Roseanne, Howard Stern, and
Geraldo all tied.  Honorable mention goes to: Owen's Momma, Barney, Dick Clark.
Roseanne won last year and it appears the masses are trying to tell her
something.

"WISH THEY WOULD JUST GO AWAY" AWARD - America's least talented, least charming,
most adolescent, and favorite idiot, Howard Stern, was the clear winner here.
He was the only one with more than 1 vote.
990.24NOTYFRETZ::HEISERMatthew 5:18Thu Jan 20 1994 17:2890
NOTER OF THE YEAR - this year's NOTY (pronounced 'naughty') award goes to none
other than our very own Karen Flattery with a whopping 3 votes.  Everyone else
only had 1.  {queue man is raising the APPLAUSE card}  Karen has now won NOTY 2
years in a row.

NOTE OF THE YEAR - a tie between the "Join the Michael Schenker Fan Club" and
the "Mystic Powers" topic.

NOTE STRING OF THE YEAR - another tie-fest: Karen & Mike's constant fighting,
progressive music and da blooz, Mystic Powers, and Has Metallica sold out debate

ROOKIE HM NOTER OF THE YEAR - Tristan, chris vermette, Mike Heiser, and
Jason Renville were the entries.  Upon further investigation, some of these
entries had to be disqualifed.  Tristan first made entries into the conference
in the summer of '92 so she was not a rookie in '93.  Mike Heiser, though he was
robbed of RoY in his rookie year, is quite the veteran now.  The RoY award is
thus a tie between Chris Vermette and Jason Renville.  Rat was RoY last year.

MOST MISSED NOTER - The HM King Poseur, Frizkid, walked away with this award for
the second year in a row.  Escobrat took second, (though we no longer miss him
because he's back) and honorable mention goes to Jesse, April, TTT, and prc.

P_NAME OF THE YEAR - all single votes but it's interesting that Greg House came
up with 2 of them.  Maybe Greg should win the award for being most creative in
35 characters or less.  "WHATZ goin ON?!", "you sick little monkey!", "That's
Ms. Bitch to you!" , "I'm a creep"

NOTER FROM THE MOST DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY AWARD - Buck walked away with this
award.  Ken Swanson and Flip only received 1 vote.  Sorry to hear about your
family, dude.

MOST OBNOXIOUS NOTES PERSONALITY - Sax barely squeaked by Karen for this one.
However, Sax prompted one member to petition the judge for a new category:
"@ssh@le of the Year" Award.  Only in HM can obnoxiousness be a prerequisite
for NOTY considerations.

NICKNAME OF THE YEAR - WhitForBrains won again as Mr. Whitman continues to
provide us with winning nicknames.  Whitpose was last year's winner.

FUNNIEST NOTER - Mike Heiser was the only one with more than 1 vote.  It's
fitting though.  I'm crackin up just writing this silly thing.  /k, GTI,
Greg House, Bonzo, and Staynz all had honorable mention.  Last year's winner was
the Friz.

BIGGEST TROUBLE MAKER - Buck added this award to his collection to set on the
mantle next to the dysfunctional one.  I tried my best to retain my crown from
last year, but I must have been slumping since Rob said I've been improving
lately.  I slumped into a tie with Sax for second.  Rob and db tied for third.

WORSTED SPELLER - Since Friz and WendyO left DEC, Rat has performed admirably in
their absence.  She received 3 votes and Sax had a distant 1 vote.

BEST GRAMMER - It's kind of ironic that this award isn't even spelled right.  As
far as I can tell from past awards, it's always been spelled this way.  So
Greg it's with great pleasure that I give you this award for the 3rd year in a
row.  Obviously, we haven't learned a damn thing from your example.  And
(started a sentence with and) since you don't do the awards thing, a check in
your name will be donated to the scholarship fund at the Greg House School of
Hammer Dancing.

HERVE VILLACHEZ NOTER LOOK-ALIKE AWARD - Ken Swanson, Jesse, Rob, and GTI will
all be informed by the United States Olympic Committee that they will be used as
necessary equipment in the new pygmy tossing event in Atlanta this summer.

MOST INFORMATIVE - Alan Starr has overwhelmingly retained his News Information
Director title with 6 votes.  Greg House came in second and nobody else
received more than 1 vote.

BEST HAIR - Duy, Rob, and Whitpose all win the Warrant Memorial Hair Award.  
Coop and Karen Flattery (last year's winner) received honorable mention.
Whitpose came in second last year, but went for the gold this time in true
poseur fashion.

BEST PARTYER - Rob just walked away with the Porcelain Throne Award for the
second year in a row with 4 votes.  Flip, Coop, /k, Alan, and Staynz get 1
vote each and honorable mention.

SHORTEST NOTER - another tie-fest: Ken Swanson, Duy, Dle, Staynz by a head!,
Rob, and Sue Jennison.  Sax has been selected as the official award giver for
when the winners receive their checks in the mail since they can't reach their
mailboxes.  Rob won it last year, and his check is still in his mailbox because
no local award givers were designated.

BEST BASHER - Karen Flattery adds another trophy to her mantle to go along with
NOTY.  She received 6 votes in this new category.  Mike Heiser came in second
with 3.

MOST "/PRC AWARD" BASHED - Another new category.  In a real twist of irony, the
second-place winner for Best Basher wins this award:  Mike Heiser.  Sax took
second, Ian and Shawn tied for third.
990.25CONSUMPTIONFRETZ::HEISERMatthew 5:18Thu Jan 20 1994 17:2932
BEST BEER - Bud Light and Coors tied for first.

BEST PIZZA - pizzeria uno was the only one with more than 1 vote.

GROSSEST FOOD - Liver walks away with this one.  After all these years of it
being so good for you, nutritionists have added it to the list of things that
are bad for us.  It also won last year.

BEST VEGGIE - surprisingly Broccoli wins with 4 votes.  Corn was second with
2.  Last year these 2 has their orders reversed.

BEST MIXED DRINK - nothing but honorable mentions here, just one big tie:
Scorpion bowl, grape crush, Capt morgan and coke, Tequila & Bitter Lemon,
scotch & ice, A&W Floats, Midori Sour, Fireball, Mi Tye.  Rum & coke won last
year.

BEST ALCOHOL - same here: Whiskey, Jim Beam, rum, pure, Glenfiddich scotch,
Johnson & Johnson, Southern Comfort, Yukon Jack, Barcardi, Beer.  Bourbon won
last year.

BEST BAR - again: None, None that would let me in, Johnny D's, Ivory,
Slugger's, Ralphs, The Moorings.  The last in the list won last year.

BEST BROWN STUFF - Chocolate rulz, the rest drulz.  Second year in a row.

BEST CANDY - nuthin but honorable mentions: Coolidge, M&M's, Jolly Rancher
Sour Apple, Chocolate, Bar None, Smarties.  The latter won last year.

WORST TASTING BURP - Mexican burps barely beat out Puke burps for the prize for
the second consecutive year.

BEST NUKABLE FOOD - Popcorn won last year, but tied with Pizza this year.
990.26MISCELLANEOUSFRETZ::HEISERMatthew 5:18Thu Jan 20 1994 17:2929
BEST PICK UP LINE - all ties, but the judge was partial to the last one:
Wanna f...?, No it's not a gun in my pocket, I love you, "What's yer Record
for the High_Jump?", you don't sweat much for a fat lassie!

BEST STATE - Confusion wins after taking second last year.

BEST AMUSEMENT PARK - Magic Mountain wins for the 2nd year in a row.

NEWSWORTHY @SSH@LE OF THE YEAR - Well when it comes to "many are worthy, few are
chosen" the Clintons dethroned George Bush as they walked away with this award.
A tie for second between John Major and David Koresh.

BEST PLACE TO VOMIT - no clear winner here, but the judge was partial to Shawn's
new car:  on someone else, Someone else's place, away from me, shirt pocket,
Shawn's car, In A Place that Doesn't Defie Gravity, in the hood of someone's
jacket.

BEST HANGOVER CURE - Sleep gets the nod for the second year in a row.  More
beer takes second.

BEST THING TO DO WITH A PUMPKIN - Smash it won by a crushing 5 votes for the
second year in a row.

FAVORITE SAYING - no clear winner here either:
            "heh...heh..heh.....heh..heh...",
            "I'm getting too old for this shit...",
            "BZZT! Wrong Answer but thanks for playing!",
           "Are You Goin My Way?",
            I've been to the dr. and he says "its natural but smelly"
990.27KDX200::ROBRThe road to the south... Impassible!Thu Jan 20 1994 18:299
    
    didnt i get shortest last year too?  you people are warped!!! :')
    practically everybody here is shorter than me :').
    
    ps mike, that makes best partier 4 years in a row, but whos counting
    :')  (i tied with jesse for 1st place a couple of times).  /k, shut
    your mouth :').
    
    
990.28FRETZ::HEISERMatthew 5:18Thu Jan 20 1994 18:365
>    ps mike, that makes best partier 4 years in a row, but whos counting
    
    sorry, I only found 2 years worth in here, plus this years, so that's
    why I said 3.  Congrats though, you're probably the only one (maybe
    Neil Peart does) that has that large a streak.
990.29GOES11::HOUSELike a cat caught in a vacuumThu Jan 20 1994 18:5941
>BEST TV COMEDY - well we had a winner, but another tie:  Beavis & Butthead and
>Roseanne tied with 2 votes.  
    .
    .
>BEST TV ACTRESS - Rosanne Arnold wins with 2 votes.  
    
    You people are pathetic!  ROSEANNE?  Winning something that doesn't
    have "worst" or "ugliest" in the title???
                                         
>UGLIEST TV PERSONALITY - well this is another case where a tie is good.  We can
>get rid of all of these losers in one fell swoop: Roseanne, Howard Stern, and
>Geraldo all tied.  
    
    That reminds me, I saw this woman in a car as I was driving to work a
    couple of weeks ago that looked almost *exactly* like Howard Stern.  I
    couldn't believe it!  I felt *so* sorry for her!
    
>BEST BEER - Bud Light and Coors tied for first.
    
    I think the drugs have killed off your taste buds...

>BEST ALCOHOL - same here: Whiskey, Jim Beam, rum, pure, Glenfiddich scotch,
>Johnson & Johnson, Southern Comfort, Yukon Jack, Barcardi, Beer.  Bourbon won
>last year.
    
    What?  No Sterno??

>BEST PICK UP LINE - all ties, but the judge was partial to the last one:
>Wanna f...?, No it's not a gun in my pocket, I love you, "What's yer Record
>for the High_Jump?", you don't sweat much for a fat lassie!
    
    I laughed out loud for almost five minutes when I read that last
    one!!!!   Waaaaahahahaa!!!!

>BEST PLACE TO VOMIT - no clear winner here, but the judge was partial to Shawn's
>new car
    
    This reader was as well!
                    
    gh
990.30GOOEY::JUDYLittle Miss Can't Be WrongThu Jan 20 1994 20:3014
    
    	Ok, I know all you twits voted Jon into the poser title
    	just to rile me so I refuse to give you the satisfaction.
    
    
    
    		pppppfffffffffttttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhH!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    				=)
    
    	He's less of a poser now than he was before!  
    
    	Mikey, thanks for the laugh.  I needed a good giggle or two.  =)
    
990.31MH Noter With Least Hair '93NEEPS::IRVINESobriety has it's own drawbacks!Fri Jan 21 1994 08:266
    We need a new award next year.....  NOTER WITH LEAST HAIR!
    
    I think I win this year... but who can say!  I NEED YOUR NOMINATIONS!
    
    
    Bonzo
990.32POWDML::BUCKLEYRaptor -- Rules the Skies!Fri Jan 21 1994 09:553
    >We need a new award next year.....  NOTER WITH LEAST HAIR!
    
    Yeah, that's a good one.  How about MOST MISOGYNISTIC?
990.33Please Stand...while I Streak..I mean SpeakSTRATA::LAMOTHEI Like Short BlondesFri Jan 21 1994 10:3016
    
    
      Well, I was out yastherdahy....and Pleased to accept my Awards
    
     for Most Obnoxious....
    
     for Best Basher....
    
       ans for you SHORT People...Sorry I have your Checkes....HAH HA HA
    HA...!!!!
    
        Just think...someone said I Smell Bad..I mean SPELL bad
    ....AGAGAGGAG !!!!  ;-)
    
    /Sax
    
990.34BUSY::SLABOUNTYTinkerbell vs. bug zapperFri Jan 21 1994 10:485
    
    	Hmmm, I wonder which esteemed noter wants to vomit on my car??
    
    
    							GTI
990.35AD::FLATTERYFri Jan 21 1994 12:333
    ...wake up sax....I won for BEST BASHER not you....you only got,
    and deservedly so....MOST OBNOXIOUS!....i guess reading comprehension wasn't
    your strong suit in school......................./k
990.36this is for fun, it ain't a competitionFRETZ::HEISERMatthew 5:18Fri Jan 21 1994 12:3417
    I have to go public with this.  I've been receiving information this
    morning about some noters prompting others to vote for Buck in certain
    categories.  All I can say to these people is:  GROW UP!
    
    Nobody paid me bribes, though I offered to accept them.  Nobody coached
    anyone into voting for certain people.  I certainly did not send out
    names of who voted for what.  People, this isn't Bosnia.  I couldn't
    believe a few noters asked for copies of the ballots.  I deleted them
    as I tallied them, and I wouldn't give them out even if I had them.
    
    There are no conspiracies here, at least on this end.  Whoever is
    sending out memos with fake mail headers is absolutely PATHETIC.  You
    people will enjoy life a helluva lot more if you learn to laugh at
    yourself once in a while.
    
    thanks for listening,
    Mike
990.37you don't sweat much for a fat lassie (heh heh heh)CADSYS::FENNELLgeek usaFri Jan 21 1994 13:124
Good job on the awards Mike...  I was laughing out loud at a few of them.  Of
course they weren't about me so that makes it easy.

Tim
990.38Ya..Gotta Love it....STRATA::LAMOTHEHungLike_A_Sax_BullFri Jan 21 1994 13:2917
    
    
     Re: /K
    
      Oh....Sorry....I meant MOST BASHED....The irony is I came in 2nd...ha
    ha ha...
    
        Mike You did a Great Job with this....I take everything in
    "FUN".....
    
    
     No reading comprehension is not my strong point, considering I have
     2 Master degrees !
    
    /Sax_who_has_dead_brain_cells_but_keeps_Pluggin_a_ 3.5 GPA
    
    
990.39BUSY::SLABOUNTYTinkerbell vs. bug zapperFri Jan 21 1994 13:487
    
    	Masters Degrees?
    
    	I have a hard time believing that.
    
    							GTI
    
990.40GOES11::HOUSELike a cat caught in a vacuumFri Jan 21 1994 13:512
    Note that he said "Master" degrees, not "Masters" degrees.  The first I
    could believe, the second...doubtful.
990.41It's true....Love Education !STRATA::LAMOTHELike a Cat in Da MicroWaveFri Jan 21 1994 14:0210
    
    
       Like my Anglish....The 2nd I WILL have when I complete my Last
    4 courses, ....I'll be done in the fall of '94.
    
      Seriously thinking about a doctorates Afterwards....but may take 1
    year OFF....
    
    /me
    
990.42CADSYS::FENNELLgeek usaFri Jan 21 1994 14:261
A degree in padlocks?
990.43......AD::FLATTERYFri Jan 21 1994 15:4350
>>>MOST OBNOXIOUS NOTES PERSONALITY - Sax barely squeaked by Karen for this one.
>>However, Sax prompted one member to petition the judge for a new category:
>>"@ssh@le of the Year" Award.  Only in HM can obnoxiousness be a prerequisite
>>for NOTY considerations.

    ...mikey..p.s...don't think i missed this little editorialization
    ...not likely...there's a WORLD of difference here and you know it...i say
    things that YOU don't want to hear...SAX says things that NO ONE wants to 
    hear......;'))

>>>NICKNAME OF THE YEAR - WhitForBrains won again as Mr. Whitman continues to
>>provide us with winning nicknames.  Whitpose was last year's winner.

...provide nothing....i crowned him with that name......and don't you forgit it!

>>FUNNIEST NOTER - Mike Heiser was the only one with more than 1 vote.  It's
>>fitting though.  I'm crackin up just writing this silly thing.  /k, GTI,
>>Greg House, Bonzo, and Staynz all had honorable mention.  Last year's winner was
>>the Friz.

.....mikey funny???.....when?...oh this must be like when funny=absurd, right?

>>>BEST GRAMMER  >>>  corrected to 'grammar' 

>>>your name will be donated to the scholarship fund at the Greg House School of
>>>Hammer Dancing.

...shouldn't that be  'hammar dancing'...?....;")....


>>BEST PARTYER - Rob just walked away with the Porcelain Throne Award for the
>>second year in a row with 4 votes.  Flip, Coop, /k, Alan, and Staynz get 1
>>vote each and honorable mention.

....next year this should be changed to 'person in most need of a kidney
transplant'.......however..after partying with both rob and staynz(ian)...the
Porcelain Throne trophy is certainly fitting....;"))

>>SHORTEST NOTER - another tie-fest: Ken Swanson, Duy, Dle, Staynz by a head!,
>>Rob, and Sue Jennison.  Sax has been selected as the official award giver for
>>when the winners receive their checks in the mail since they can't reach their
>>mailboxes.  Rob won it last year, and his check is still in his mailbox because
>>no local award givers were designated.

..someone ought to clarify this award....are you voting on shortest noter as
in lack of height?..or are you voting on the person who writes the BRIEFEST
notes.....as rob already pointed out..he's not short at all but he does
write very brief notes sometimes ..someone needs to clean this up.........
../k
990.44you really are a beautiful personFRETZ::HEISERMatthew 5:18Fri Jan 21 1994 15:5518
>    ...mikey..p.s...don't think i missed this little editorialization
>    ...not likely...there's a WORLD of difference here and you know it...i say
>    things that YOU don't want to hear...SAX says things that NO ONE wants to 
    
    that, of course, assumes I find you less amusing than I really do. 
    Keep up the good work!
    
    >.....mikey funny???.....when?...oh this must be like when funny=absurd, right?
    
    Not that it's any big deal, but feel free to check out the past award
    winners in here.  Shawn and myself are regulars in the top 3 for this
    category.  I'm sure the notion that you're comically-challenged never
    crossed your mind ;-)
    
    As for next year, everyone should start nominating new/updated
    categories and set a closing date for around November for all changes.
    
    Mike
990.45GOES11::HOUSELike a cat caught in a vacuumFri Jan 21 1994 16:181
    Hammahtime!
990.46KDX200::COOPERThere's a moon in the sky!Fri Jan 21 1994 16:218
    I can't beleive someone even MENTIONED my hair in the 'best hair'
    note - and even more, I can't beleive that I tied with /k of 
    all people!!!  Alright, fess up... who's the wise ass??
    
    Hey /k, can we make a trade??  I've always wanted to be a blonde...
    :-)
    
    jc
990.47GOES11::HOUSELike a cat caught in a vacuumFri Jan 21 1994 17:037
    Yo Coopster!  There's a whole aisle at your fav supermarket, drugstore,
    cosmetic-source chock fulla products designed specifically to letcha
    make yer hair whatever color you like!  Go for it!
    
    As Rob for instructions...
    
    gh
990.48GOOEY::JUDYLittle Miss Can't Be WrongFri Jan 21 1994 17:287
    
    
    	re: gh
    
    	I have a nomination for slam of the year!  too funny.....
    	
    
990.49GOES11::HOUSELike a cat caught in a vacuumFri Jan 21 1994 17:352
    The year is yet young...
    ;^)
990.50KURMA::IGOLDIEJust another victimSat Jan 22 1994 06:1812
<SHORTEST NOTER - another tie-fest: Ken Swanson, Duy, Dle, Staynz by a head!,
<Rob, and Sue Jennison.  Sax has been selected as the official award giver for
<when the winners receive their checks in the mail since they can't reach their
<mailboxes.  Rob won it last year, and his check is still in his mailbox because
<no local award givers were designated.

I AM NOT SHORT,I AM NOT SHORT..I JUST WALK WITH A STOOP!!!! 8)

			
    
    					ian
990.51GOES11::HOUSELike a cat caught in a vacuumSun Jan 23 1994 16:384
    I'll side with Ian on that one, he's not short.  It's just that little
    skirt that makes him appear that way.
    
    Greg
990.52KURMA::IGOLDIEJust another victimMon Jan 24 1994 04:268
    
    re-1
    
    a "skirt"....! ;^)..hmmm!I'll need to "re-educate" you,laddie! 8)
    
    
    
    						ian
990.53o:^)COMET::MARTINNTalk Hard!Mon Jan 24 1994 04:354
    >    a "skirt"....! ;^)..hmmm!I'll need to "re-educate" you,laddie! 8)
                                                ^^^^^^^^^^
    
    will that involve him turning his head and coughing? ;-)
990.54KURMA::IGOLDIEJust another victimMon Jan 24 1994 04:376
    
    not exactly,more like me tapping him repeatidly on the head with my 
    baseball bat until he sees the error of his ways! ;^)
    
    
    					ian
990.55so is *that* what you cll it...baseball bat? ;-)COMET::MARTINNTalk Hard!Mon Jan 24 1994 04:402
    I think he'll see stars first.
    
990.56OK....I'm Bending...SLAM ME !STRATA::LAMOTHELike a Cat in Da MicroWaveMon Jan 24 1994 10:126
    
    
       New Award ...... Most Detachable Hair !
    
       Hum....Smallest Brain with a Big Mouth....Gee, Karen would Win this
    category....
990.57...masAD::FLATTERYMon Jan 24 1994 11:095
    ....re:-1.....Great sax....i'm glad you feel this way..so this means
    you'll stop coming by my office and asking me out to lunch, right?
    ......thank god for small favors.....i'm sure 'small' is the
    operative word here......this'll give you more time to study for yet
    another masters degree...................../k..
990.58TRACTR::JENNISONDont Call Me DaughterMon Jan 24 1994 11:123
    
    
    You GO GIRL!!!!!   ;)
990.59TRACTR::JENNISONDont Call Me DaughterMon Jan 24 1994 11:123
    How come- that Im really placing this note at 10:10am ???
    
    Its acting funky in here again!
990.60I hear you Knockin but youy can't come inSTRATA::LAMOTHELike a Cat in Da MicroWaveMon Jan 24 1994 11:2420
    
    
      Re: /k
    
      Nop...Wrong....I'll be up to Match Witts with Ya.....No, not a Small
    favor, It's the Least I can do for a Person like yourself !  :-)
    
      Actually, Next Fall I will be working on a PHD, not another Masters
    degree.  Actually 'Small' is Mr. Bobbit's personal detachable
    belonging....
    
    
       Your funny....you make me crack up ...ha ha ha ha ha !!!  
    
    
     So, is your Education in "childhood Education" ?
    
    /Sax_Master
    
      
990.61Whoop there IT is !STRATA::LAMOTHELike a Cat in Da MicroWaveMon Jan 24 1994 11:279
    
    Re: .59
    
       Because Ma.  is 2 hours ahead of Denver.
    
    
     > It's acting funky in here again !
    
      yeah....I kinda like the Beat....PppPpPPpPPPpPPPpPP
990.62;-)FRETZ::HEISERMatthew 5:18Mon Jan 24 1994 12:335
>    I can't beleive someone even MENTIONED my hair in the 'best hair'
>    note - and even more, I can't beleive that I tied with /k of 
>    all people!!!  Alright, fess up... who's the wise ass??
    
    I thought it was pretty funny!
990.63FRETZ::HEISERMatthew 5:18Mon Jan 24 1994 12:362
    Anyone see that new roll-on hair product?  I think I'll shave my
    neighbor's cat to see how it works.
990.64GOES11::HOUSELike a cat caught in a vacuumMon Jan 24 1994 12:454
>    not exactly,more like me tapping him repeatidly on the head with my 
>    baseball bat until he sees the error of his ways! ;^)
    
    You mean you won't be using the sheleighlee(sp?)?  
990.65KURMA::IGOLDIEJust another victimMon Jan 24 1994 13:167
    re-1
    
    Greg...wrong country,thats an Irish thing!I'll stick with the baseball
    bat...it has a longer,lasting effect! ;^)
    
    
    						ian
990.66;^)GOES11::HOUSELike a cat caught in a vacuumMon Jan 24 1994 14:234
    It's close enough that you could easily go acquire one.  The baseball
    bat, on the other hand, is an American thing...
    
    Greg
990.67NEEPS::IRVINESobriety has it's own drawbacks!Tue Jan 25 1994 07:5712