Conference napalm::heavy_metal

    
    
    
    
    Walkin in a winter Wonderland::::S T R Y P E R   exellent version
    
    
                                                 jim..tama

    
    Winter Wonderland - Stryper
    Christmas Song - Angel

    
    John Lennons Christmas song.  BUT its nice to listen to ONCE. 
    The minute I hear it twice its sick.
    
    Not really HM but everyones said all the ones..
    
    
    F.
    

    
    	I have an Ozzy tune that he did for WAAF a little while ago.
     I think it's kinda like a few songz mixed together but its a riot.
    
    Bk
    

    Father Christmas, give us some money... We don't any more of you
    F***ing toys
    
    The Kinks
    
    BOZ

    You guyz are probably gonna slam me for this one but I like
    the David Bowie & Bing Crosby version of The Little Drummer Boy...
    
    
    The Sentinel
    
    P.S.  The Muppets crank out a decent "little Saint Nick" :-)
    

    Cheeche and Chongs Christmas song.  That's the best.
    
    Chris D.
    

    
    
                        A friend of mine is putting together a few
                  tracks titled (what else?) "HEAVY METAL CHRISTMAS"
    
                        I listened to a little of it and I think it
                  should be very timely. I may even do some vocals
                  on it.  If it's done in time maybe we could get  
                  some distribution for it????
    
    
                                       Rockin around..........the christmas
                                                                    tree
                  
                                                             
    
                                                          CMD
                                                          

    No lie here,,,  
    
    we (FOXX PASS)put together a HM version of Winter Wonderland, about 2
    weeks before I heard the Stryper version 2yrs ago..  Was I pissed !
    It's uncany how close the two are, (most of the input to the tune
    was stuff I had come up with, prior to hearing the Stryper version...
    The only original thing we ever did, and wouldn't you know it,
    somebody else had the same idea !)

    Last Christmas I heard a song by Sting called Gabriel's Message.
    It's on a Christmas album which consists of 14 or 15 different 
    people/groups.  I think the name of it is A Very Special Christmas
    and all the proceeds go to the Special Olympics.  I know the Bon
    Jovi song mentioned a few replies back is also on it.  Several of
    the songs were really good, several were just ok, and at least one
    or two pretty much sucked!  
    
    The Sting song was the best by far.

    I have a copy of that, and for the most part, it's a good mix.
    
    (I like HM, but my tastes vary far and wide...)
    
    And, yea, it was a good effort put forth by some excelent musicians.
    
    Between me, you, and 7,000 noters, the Alvin and The Chimpmunk xmas
    albums are my personal favorites !!!  :)  Music to go insane by....  
    
    (actually it's my kids that love em...)

    /ray

    I really got off on the Porky Pig Cwismis Cawol Album Cawection !

    It has hits like:
    
    Siwent Nite, Howy nite
     
    And more !

    ;^)

    <<<<    I really got off on the Porky Pig Cwismis Cawol Album Cawection !

    Not to nit here but :
    
    
    Don't you mean Elmer Fudds Cwistmas Cawections !
    (and ya, that is a *gas* !!  I'd almost forgotten about it...
    
    From-he-who-is-wrong-many-times-himself..
    /ray

    Your right.  I should be VERY ashamed of myself.
    
    8*(

    How about the song a bunch of heavymetalists did about 2 years ago
    they use to play it on the radio and they made a video for it
    can't think of the song but it was a good jam
    

    
        "Do They Know It's Christmas" was done by a group of various
        rock stars, but not H_Mists.
    
        I don't remember their name.
    
                                                       GTI
    

    re.16
    
     I think you are refering to the the Hear'N'Aid project.
    
    				M
    				 B

    
    not h_m but my favorite is snowball's xmass party. this was done
    by the j. geils band, they played the music at normal speed and
    sped up the words to sound like the chipmunks. the first line also
    says  "hey jerome where you goin'?"
    
    
    

    
    
    You beat Shawn to starting this note???  Amazing.
    
    King Diamond has an XMas song - um I forget the name at the moment,
    but it's pretty funny.
    
    - Rob (Grandmaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
    
    

    
    re: Do they know it's christmas.
    
        Actually 8'),
    
    	It was Band Aid.
    
    			Helpfully,
    
    				BONZO.
                                    
    The one by hearing aid was "WE'RE STARS". I think?
    

    Did anyone see the "rock and roll x-mas" special last night?
    It was great!

>    Did anyone see the "rock and roll x-mas" special last night?
>    It was great!

Yup! Not only that, but I taped it! 

It had some pretty cool rock and rollers doing X-Mas videos (no real HMers,
though). Bands included U2, Eddie Money, Fab T-Birds, Pat Benetar, 
Kinks, Run-DMC, Elvis, Little Richard, Elton John, Hendrix (briefly),
Beatles (briefly), Marvin Gaye, Beach Boys, and John Cougar Melloncamp.
Did I miss anyone?

JCM was cool, and Marvin Gaye was real good, but my fave was Pat
Benetar - very nice live, a capella stuff.....

cat

    
    
    speaking of taping, anyone got a cass, on the X-mas tape with squire and
    the kinks on it. my ex-so has all my xmas stuff.
    anyone wanna tape it 4 me? i'll even pay for a blank tape!:^0
                                                        
    
    		wendy o'
    

I think I got the album you're thinking of. It has The Kinks, Billy Squier,
Elton John, Foghat, Elvin Bishop, and some others.....

How 'bout I bring a copy to the party for Coop? 

cat

    COM ON'!!
    re.3 that woiuld be great, yea thats the one!!!!
    
    		wendy o'
    

    Alan,
    
    I NEED a copy.  8^)
    What did U2 do?
    
    Steve O

    >I NEED a copy.  8^)
    >What did U2 do?
    >
    >Steve O
     
    
        Well, they did a stepped-up version of "Jingle Bells" ...
        sounded kinda like "New Year's Day", "Pride", and "Where the
        Streets Have no Name" with bells in the background.
    
        Ha ha!!  8^)
    
                                                       GTI
    

    >What did U2 do?

They did "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)".....it was off the 'Very
Special Christmas' LP that came out last year.

cat

    re.8
    
    what the name ofthe albumn?? i'm a big u2 fan and have'nt seen that
    one!
    
    
    		wendy o'
    
    or where can i get a copy??
    
    

>They did "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)".....it was off the 'Very
>Special Christmas' LP that came out last year.

Let's read this note again. It plainly states what album it is off!
The album also has Bruce Springsteen, Stevie Nicks, Bryan Adams, Bon
Jovi, Sting, and a bunch of others...

cat

    
    
    
    
    
    My favorite x mass song (NOT HM though)
    
        12 Pains of christmas 
               "Now why the hell are thy blinkin"
               "One light goes out they all go out" Agagagaa !
    jim

    
    
    well i got the xmas tape with the u2 song on it,
    which i thought* had the billy squire song!!
    but it doenst'  anyone want to dub me a copy?? pleeze 
     for xmas???
    
    
    	

    One killed me the other day, it was by the same dudes who did the
    12 pains of x-mas.  It was to the tune of God rest ye merry gentlemen.
    and it went like this
    
    The restroom door said gentlemen so I walked right inside...
    
    ...two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse what could be worse...
    
    ahhh Sh*t I don't remember the words because it was too funny. 
    It's about this guy who went into the ladies room, what a riot....
    
    The Sentinel
    

Wendy - 

We're dealing with two different tapes here in this note. One is
called 'A Very Special Christmas', which has U2, John Cougar, Bon Jovi,
Bruce Springsteen, and a bunch of others. 

The other is called 'Rock and Roll Christmas'. This has Billy Squier,
Queen, Foghat, The Waitresses, Elton John, and others. I TOLD you that
I would tape this for you and bring it to the party Friday night - 
have faith!

cat

    
    
    thanks al , i wanted to get it black and white!!;^)
             		wendy o'
    
    

    > youre beginning to sould like...
    
    Oh no, not that!
    :^)

OK, I give up - who's Ken Wheeler? And why do I sound like him? Do I
want to sound like him? Am I always this confused? Do I always babble
this much?

8^)

cat

    
    
    re: al after the comma in your personal name take everything else
    out ;^)
    
    r u always this confused sounds like it..
    do u want to sounds like him? dont know.. thats depends,
    its buckleys and i's closed joke...
    
    	besides he always ssays .."sheesh"
    
    		wendy o'
    

    
    	BEST!!! Xmas song I've heard to date.....
    
    
    	JINGLE BELCH!!!!! on WAAF!!!! It had me on the floor!!!
    
    BK
    

    
    
    
    Winter Wonderland does rule by Stryper.........
    
    
    jim

    I heard "WRECK THE MALLS" on WAAF this morning.  It was pretty funny.
    I can't remember who sings it though.
    
    Chris D.

    Was that "WRECK THE MALLS WITH COWS ON HARLEYS"?
    
    Chuck on 'BCN was singing it this morning.
    
    
    Steve O (who hates 'AAF, usually)

    
        I gotta go with Pete on Stryper's "Winter Wonderland".
    
        That song is great!!
    
                                                       GTI
    

    Steve,
    
         I think it's the same tune.  Since it's not an AAF song, all
    the radio stations are probably playing it.
    
    Chris D. _who_listens_to_WAAF_every_morning_and_caught_rumor_that
    Karen_Grace_is_leaving.

    RE: Wreck The Malls, 12 Pains Of X-Mas, The Rest Room Door Said
    Gentleman  
    
    			These are on TWISTED X-MAS by Bob Rivers (that's
    right AAF's bob rivers) Good Album. Came out in 87.
    
    				CB
    
    
    			OH COME ALL YE GREAT-FUL
    			DEAD HEADS TO THE CONCERT

    Wargasm had a Christmas song out last year it was like three X-mas song
    mushed together - Jingle Bells,Winter Wonderland and 1 more!  Now that
    was the best Christmas song I ever heard. Kim
    

    Our Christmas - Phil Keaggy, Amy Grant, Sandi Patti, Michael W. Smith,
                    First Call, Russ Taff, Kim Hill, David Meece, Roberta
                    Flack, Mylon LeFevre, Bryan Duncan
    
    YO! HO! HO!  - Rap style featuring DC Talk, ETW, the late D-Boy (may he
                   rest in peace), MC GeGee, Stephen Wiley
    
    Jesus, The Best Gift of All - Billy & Sarah Gaines, Larnelle Harris,
                   Debby Boone, Michele Wagner, Al Denson, Truth, 4 Him,
                   more...
    
    Centerpoint   - Jeff Johnson (instrumental)
    
    Christmas in the Country - Heirloom, Kelly Nelon Thompson, Jeff & Sheri
                               Easter
    
    John Michael Talbot - The Birth of Jesus
    
    Peter, Paul, & Mary - A Holiday Celebration

    It's a dif-i-cult re-spons-i-bil-i-tee
    When you are the number one law maker me...
    
    
    I ordered the set for Helen. now DAT'S Christmas music.

    I just looked through all the replies in here and am surprised at how
    lean HM Christmas music is.  
    
    Stryper's Christmas stuff is great!  I also have Amy Grant's "Christmas
    Album".  It isn't metal but it is pretty good!
    
    Of course you could also crank up the Johnny Mathis instead ;-)
    
    Mike

From: clarinews@clarinet.com
Newsgroups: clari.news.lifestyle,clari.news.features,clari.news.music,clari.tw.education,biz.clarinet.sample
Subject: There's a reason for all those birds

UPI Special Sections -- Holiday II
	
	If you've ever wondered why someone would give their true love a
partridge in a pear tree for Christmas, you're not alone.
	Edward Phinney knows. It all has to do with fertility.
	Some time during the holiday season, you're bound to hear the
familiar strains of the song featuring a true love who gave the
following to his object of desire:
	
 12 drummers drumming
11 pipers piping
10 lords 'a leaping
nine ladies dancing
eight maids a milking
seven swans a swimming
six geese a laying
five golden rings
four calling birds
three French hens
two turtle doves
	and a partridge in a pear tree.
	
	The title, of course, is ``The Twelve Days of Christmas.''
	Phinney, a professor of classics at the University of Massachusetts
at Amherst, has researched the origin of the song and the meaning behind
all those gifts in all those lyrics, and has turned up some interesting
interpretations.
	``'The Twelve Days of Christmas' was a secular ballad that was first
published in 1868 in a book of Christmas songs in England, but it's
probably been around a lot longer than that,'' he said.
	``It's primarily a love song. It's a game song, too. The point is to
remember every item and not get twisted up.''
	The elements of the song reveal its secular origins. ``If you think
of all the things being presented, you realize they're all gifts from a
lover to a woman,'' Phinney said.
	``Some of them are rather impossible to give, like eight maids a
milking and nine ladies dancing. All those ladies and dancing and pipers
and drums imply this is a wedding.
	``In this case, it looks like a young man trying to impress his
intended by wooing her with many gifts. They're all things that would be
useful at a wedding.''
	Somewhere down the line, said Phinney, it got turned ito a Christmas
song, or more properly, a Twelfthsnight song.
	The 12 days of Christmas are the 12 days following Dec. 25, ending
with the Feast of the Epiphany. The last of those 12 days -- known as
Twelfthsnight in England -- was a time when people traditionally gave
gifts.
	Tradition also holds that Jan. 6 was the day the Three Kings arrived
to pay homage to the newborn Christ.
	But all of this still doesn't explain the partridge or the pear tree.
	``The partridge in a pear tree alludes to fertility,'' said Phinney.
``The pear is equivalent to the the heart and the partridge is a famous
aphrodisiac.''
	In fact, all the birds are symbols of fertility and seven of the
song's 12 verses refer to birds, he said.
	As a counting song, ``It's also full of tongue-twisters,'' said
Phinney. Try saying ``seven swans a swimming'' several times in
succession.
	As such, the original tune was probably used as a ``forfeit'' song,
during which two sides would sing verses in turn. If one side forgot a
verse or blew a line, they would have to forefeit a prize. In many
cases, it was a kiss.
	``The whole song seems to me to point to a festival or joy and love
more appropriate to a secular holiday like Valentine's Day or May Day
than a religious holiday,'' Phinney said.
	``About the only thing (about) this song that has to do with
Christmas is the title.''
 adv mon nov 19

    I also bought "Our Christmas" yesterday since I'm a little thin in the
    holiday music department.  In this tape, some of today's most popular
    Christian artists got together to record some of their favorites in
    their own style.  Besides, Mr. Keaggy is on it ;-)  Some great
    acoustic work on his tune!  Overall, it is a really fun tape!  Here are 
    the songs:
    
    Reve Du Noel                   - Michael W. Smith
    The First Noel                 - Al Green
    One Small Child                - David Meece
    O Come, O Come, Emmanuel       - Bryan Duncan
    It Came Upon a Midnight Clear/
    O Little Town of Bethlehem     -   Amy Grant & Sandi Patti
    
    Angels We Have Heard on High   - First Call
    O Holy Night                   - Mylon LeFevre
    God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen    - Phil Keaggy & Kim Hill 
    Silent Night Holy Night        - Russ Taff
    What Child is This             - Roberta Flack

    Heard this one from an Indiana radio station.
    
    Johnny the Snoman
    was a very unhappy guy
    cuz he stuck his snoot
    in some federal toot 
    and was filmed by the FBI
    
    Johnny the snoman
    made his living selling cars
    he was deep in debt
    so he said "I'll bet 
    I can beat those prison bars."
    
    So Johnny gave it his best shot
    and the jury wasn't bored 
    cuz the acting job the snoman gave
    would have won an academy award. (like Bogart)
    
    Johnny the snoman 
    is as happy as can be
    now he likes to go 
    on the Carson show
    and he shows us all
    you can have a ball
    buying cocaine on T.V.
    

    
    
    	Is there any new HM Christmas music out lately?
    
    	SueJ 

    yea xmas rap :*)
    
    
    ACK!!!!
    
    		wendy o'
    
    

    The WENDYOex_inserter. Gotta love it.

    SANTA THING!!
    You're such a fat thing
    You eat everything...Don't YOU!
    Santa thing!
    
    Santa thing, I think you're a pig
    And Mrs. Clause knows for sure
    So come on and skip a meal.
    
    SANTA THING!
    You big red blimp thing
    You broke my roof beam
    Santa thing
    
    Santa thing I think you're a load
    and your reindeer know I'm sure.
    So come on and eat a salad
    
    Santa thing!

    Up on the rooftop reindeer call
    then I hear a crashing fall
    down to the window. Clickity click
    on the front porch a dead Saint Nick.
    
    Ho, ho, ho, who's gonna know
    He, he, he, just little me.
    down to the window. Clickity click
    on the front porch a dead Saint Nick.
    
    Down to the doorstep I do run
    thinking now I'll have some fun
    A quick change of clothes and what do you see, 
    'ol Saint Nick is just little me.
    
    Ho, ho, ho, who's gonna know
    He, he, he, just little me.
    A quick change of clothes and what do you see, 
    'ol Saint Nick is just little me.
    
    Into the sled and off I fly
    streaking across the yuletide sky
    into your home on Christmas Eve
    I'll take all your presents and then I'll leave
    
    Ho, ho, ho, who's gonna know
    He, he, he, just little me.
    I'll be a millionaire because
    I found dear 'ol Santa Clause 

    JonBomb has a new Christmas tune out, heard it yesterday.
    
    Amy Grant has released her first Christmas album in 9 years.  Also
    comes in a video version.
    
    For truly HR, check out the Mastedon releases on Pakaderm Records (it's
    a pun, but not a joke).  They're the Elefante brothers' (I'm serious,
    stop laughing) band.  John Elefante is the former lead singer for
    Kansas.  Anyway they have releases titled "Power Christmas" and "Power
    Hymns" which contains the traditionals with HR arrangements.  I've
    heard songs off both and their really rockin.  I plan on picking them
    up.
    
    Mike

    
    >Amy Grant has released her first Christmas album in 9 years.  Also
    >comes in a video version.
    
    
    	Any nude scenes?  I hope so ... she's a doll!!
    
    							GTI

    I agree GTI, but I seriously doubt she'll do nudes.  Besides, parts
    were filmed at Caribou Ranch (i.e, cold enough to test your
    frosticles).
    
    I do have some GIFs of her though ;-) (clothed of course).

    
    	re: Jon's Christmas tune...
    
    	Yeah it's on that compilation album "Very Special Christmas II"
    	or something like that.  I forget the exact name of it.  Saw 
    	a bit about it on MTV over T-day weekend.  Seems he picked 
    	another bluesy type tune.....
    

    Hey Buck, get MWS's Christmas CD.  I think you'll be amazed at the
    musical prowess on it.
    
    Mike

    -1
    
    Really?  Whos he got playin git this time around??
    
    
    Tanks for the tip...

    No his Christmas release came out about 4 years ago.  

    
    I'm gonna get a .69 on Christmas!! 
    
    

    Well I've been stocking up on the Christmas CD's lately.  For you
    rockers, the "Rock Power Praise Vol. II - Christmas Hymns" is an
    excellent release!  It's produced on Pakaderm Records by John Elefante.
    The song list and guest singers are:
    
    Joy to the World - Ron Gollner
    Hark! The Herald Angels Sing - Robin Kyle (my personal fave)
    What Child is This - Sara Tennison
    God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen - Jamie Rowe (Guardian)
    Little Drummer Boy - Rochelle Rysdam, Emily Brink, Nick Brink and
                         Stephanie Brink (mom)
    O Come All Ye Faithful - Robin Kyle
    Silent Night - John Elefante
    For Unto Us a Child is Born - Sara Tennison
    O Holy Night - Scott Springer (Halo)
    O Come, O Come Emmanuel - Jamie Rowe (Guardian)
    
    Some of the musicians from X-Sinner also help out, plus Rock Lobster
    plays some guitar.
    
    Mike

    I just acquired Amy's latest too.  I like it much better than the
    first.  Phil Keaggy accompanys her and a choir on "O Come All Ye
    Faithful."  Just him and his guitar as the lone musicians on that one
    and it is no surprise that he carries the tune ;-)
    
    Additional musicians on other songs include the boys from Giant, Shane
    Keister, and Tom Hemby.  Other songs she performs are:
    
    - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
    - It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
    - Joy to the World/For Unto Us a Child is Born (instrumental
                                performance of Handel's music)
    - Breath of Heaven (Mary's song)
    - Grown-up Christmas List
    - Rockin Around the Christmas Tree
    - Winter Wonderland
    - I'll Be Home for Christmas
    - The Night Before Christmas (a Carly Simon song)
    - Emmanuel, God With Us
    - Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring (instrumental performance of Bach's piece)
    
    The London Studio Orchestra and American Boy Choir help out on most of
    the songs.
    
    Mike

    
    Gee...I can't believe this note has been idle for three years!
    
    Mine aren't H_M, but what the heck!
    
    One of my favorite holiday CD's is "And The Angels Sing".  It is a
    collection of classic Christmas Carols done in Baroque and Renaissance
    style for the Boston Museum of Fine Arts.
    
    For 'fun' it would have to be Bob River's "Twisted Christmas" with the
    Twelve Pains of Christmas & Wreck the Malls, etc.   Also, A true niche
    album "It's a Cow Christmas" with things like Angus we have Heard on
    High, Deck the Stalls with Oats and Barley, and a great rendition of
    the Twelve Days of Xmas.
    
    "Home Alone Christmas" - the movie soundtrack - has a nice collection
    with Darlene Love's "All alone on Christmas", John WIlliams' "Somewhere
    in my Memory", Southside Johnny LYon "Please Come Home for Christmas",
    etc.
    
    Last but not least, my Christmas season just isn't the same if I don't
    hear "Holly Jolly CHristmas" by Burl Ives!  :)
    
    /jen

    
    Nah,
    
    For fun you need Ren & Stimpy's I think "Merry Crock of Christmas" with
    Fleck the Halls, and some other funny tunes. Got it for XMas from my SO
    last christmas. Time to get it out and spin it on the player! 
    
    

    
    
    	Nah,
    
    	A Very Merry Christmas I & II
    
    	SueJ

	What is that Sue, the Special Olympic set?  I'm partial to the 
	Reggae, Blues, Lump of Coal type discs.

	/Cap'n Quad 

    
    
    CapN
    
    		Its the Various Artists ones...
    
    		BUT I would definately be interested in a little
    		"Reggae Christmas" 
    
    SueJ

    
    
    	Ahem...
    
    	I love my Alabama Christmas CD.... I have Barbra Streisand
    	on vinyl but haven't gotten around to getting it on CD.
    
    	And Kenny G's Christmas CD is fantastic.......
    

    
    
    Oh and I have Mariah Careys Christmas one and I LIKE IT !

    I think Metallica should make a Christmas Carol CD..
    I think Jaymz' voice would put everyone in that Christmassy mood.
    Like imagine for a second Jingle Bells sang in the style of
    Sad But True...cool huh ?  
    
    Shane, who is wearing mistletoe underwear

    Shane ! So am I ! Too funny--- Is it Victoria Secret ?

I heard mistletoe is a form of poison ivy

    hey baby..huh huh...wanna kiss underneath the misstletoe ...huh huh
    
    ;)

    
    	I wish I would have said that.
    
    	8^)
    

    Remember that age old question -- "Is there a Santa Claus?"
    
    Yeah, some fool replied "Yes Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus!"
    
    Well, Virginia should have read the following before letting grown
    ups pull the wool over her eyes!!!
    
    
    A CHRISTMAS STORY
    
    1)  No known species of reindeer can fly.  But it is estimated that
    there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and
    while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY
    rule out flyiing reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen, by the way.

    2)  There are 2 billion children (persons under the age of 18) in the
    world. But since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle Muslim, Hindu,
    Jewish, and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the
    total - 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau.  At
    an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8
    million homes.  One presumes there's at least one "good" child in each.

    3)  Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the
    different time zones and rotation of the earth, assuming he travels
    east to west (which seems logical).  This works out to 822.6 visits per
    second.  This is to say that for each Christian household with "good"
    children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the
    sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the
    remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left,
    get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the
    next house.  Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly
    distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but
    for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now
    talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million
    miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once
    every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.  This means that Santa's sleigh
    is moving at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound.  For
    purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space
    probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second; a conventional reindeer
    can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

    4)  The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. 
    Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set
    (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa,
    who is invariable described as "overweight".  On land, conventional
    reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds.  Even granting that "flying
    reindeer" (see point #1) could pull ten times the normal amount, we
    cannot do the job with eight or even nine.  We need 214,200 reindeer. 
    This increases the payload - not counting the weight of the sleigh - to
    353,430 tons.  Again, for comparison, this is 4 times the weight of the
    Queen Elizabeth II.

    5)  353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
    resistance.  This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as
    spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere.  The lead pair of
    reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. 
    In short, they will burst  into flames almost instantaneously, exposing
    the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their
    wake.  The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26
    thousandths of a second.  Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to
    centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity.  A 250-pound
    Santa (which you must agree seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to
    the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
                  
    In conclusion, if Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve,
    he's dead now!

    
    Go ahead Buck, p*ss over every child's fireworks!

    - He starts delivering weeks before christmas because he has secret
    helpers in every state and country!!!!! 8P 

    Flip:
    
    
    I did!  ;')