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Conference napalm::guitar

Title:GUITARnotes - Where Every Note has Emotion
Notice:Discussion of the finer stringed instruments
Moderator:KDX200::COOPER
Created:Thu Aug 14 1986
Last Modified:Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:3280
Total number of notes:61432

2426.0. "Worst Auditions" by BTOVT::BEST_G (Baby, assess my gingiva) Wed Jan 08 1992 09:20

    
       What's the worst audition you ever had?
    
       A few years ago I decided to try out for the position of lead 
       vocalist in a funk band.  Granted, I know nothing much about 
       funk, but I'd seen the band, and I figured that I could learn 
       to sing most any melody line if I had a chance to listen to and
       practice with a tape first.
    
       When I called, I told them what my musical interests were (which
       were not in their ballpark at all).  I asked them if there was
       anything that I should learn before the audition.  No.  Instead,
       they asked what did *I* know and want to do.  I pulled some of 
       my ideas out of a mental hat and practiced those for the next 
       few days.
    
       When I got to the audition I was *really* nervous - absolutely 
       shaking in my shoes.  Very soon my songs were forgotten about.
       Instead, they wanted me to learn the *original* tune that the
       keyboard player had written.  They played it through about 4 or
       5 times while the keyboard player sang the words from the lyric
       sheet and I looked on with him.  Then it was my turn.  I had the 
       pleasure of standing dead center of the room while the members
       of this very large band (complete with horn section) watched me
       massacre the complex, jazz-funk tune (pretty catchy tune, actually).
       
       As I was leaving, one of the players (who, I suppose, had kept his
       identity of "leader" pretty quiet) spoke up and said that they were
       looking for someone with "a bit more soul".  I got the impression 
       he thought I was wasting their time.
    
       Gee, I wouldn't have wanted him to hold anything back.  Does anyone
       else think I should've (in order to perform in this band) been able
       to do what was requested (sing a complex *new* melody I'd never
       heard before, on demand, and in such an unnerving situation)?  I
       know that if I'd had *1* evening with a *tape* of the song I 
       could've gotten through it no problem....
    
       I think a little more sensitivity would not have been out of order.
    
       "But that's the breaks."  
    
       Any similar experiences?
    
    guy
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2426.1NEWOA::DALLISONDer TartmeisterWed Jan 08 1992 09:576
    
    I turned up to audition for a band once, and they all stood there, arms
    folded, blank expression and said "Play the most difficult piece you
    know". 
    
    I was terrified!
2426.2PELKEY::PELKEYSnert ! Fetch me my dagger.Wed Jan 08 1992 12:4755
re:0

Guy, I think you were simply auditioning in the wrong venue...

You didn't quite set yourself up to fall on fail, but
you didn't give yourself any kind of  edge, or common ground..

Going into an audition, you should really be 100% into
what ever the venue is..  You really have to exude confidence.
you can't do that if you're outside of your key interest.

Getting to the topic...  I've probably "Auditioned" once or twice,
(most of the time, I was one of the key forming members of the bands
I've worked in)

But, both times I did, (I'm not trying to brag) I was way ahead of the
people who were looking for a guitarist.  Infact, on the second occasion,
I wound up with the notion (after a few tunes) that they felt I was
now auditioning them...

Where I wasn't too nervous, (even at the start) I noticed they all of a 
sudden were.  -- that was a little wierd...  I had to tell them to
relax a bit, and to remember, I was the one auditioning..


The worst audition I've ever been associated with---

Looking for a bass player, had several auditions, we weren't ready
to make a decision yet, so this guy calls up, says he'd like to check it out,
we set up the time, give him the directions to the practice hall..

On the given day, he shows up 30 minutes late, with 6 people !! (YIKES)

The truth weren't in any of them, it was obvious they had partied all
the way over.

He was AWFULL..  I don't know if it's because he was too far gone to
play, or if he was just plain AWFULL, but he sure semed like he
thought he was just the greatest...  Getting him to leave, (along
with his tour de-force) was the hardest thing to do...  We had
another audition set up after hisa and he was still  there (with all
his buddies) when the second guy showed up.  

Now this guy was visibly nervous when he saw us, plus the seven people 
that came with the first audition.  finally we had to tell the first dude, 
as politely as we could, that he MUST GO, we had another audition.  
When he finally left, with his crew, the other kid  says "WHEW!  I didn't 
realize they were with him" 

After a few minutes to get aquainted, we play a few tunes..  Ahh, a 
real Bass Player....  We offered him the gig, he took it, but
he didn't last long..  I guess he and his wife hadn't really agree
on this 'band idea'.. sigh-- so it goes.

/r
2426.3jailhouse rockRICKS::CALCAGNIDon't fret!Wed Jan 08 1992 12:5141
    Okay, I got one.  Back in late high school (or was it early college,
    I forget) I snagged an audition for the bass spot in a local rock band,
    Maqua.  These guys were about at the top of the game back then; they
    were one of the best bands in the state (early 70's R.I.), and their
    lead guitarist was one of the recognized guitar gods in the area.
    Needless to say, I was tickled to have a shot at playing with these
    guys.
    
    So I show up for the audition, only guess what?  They'd double booked.
    I'd been talking to Tim the guitarist, but the drummer was bringing in
    some other guy.  Okay, I figure it'll be cool, we'll just take turns.
    
    NOT!
    
    The other bass player had just gotten out of the joint (like, that day)
    on an armed robbery charge or something, and this guy had a major 'tude.
    He was a big, snarling, rough looking character and just starts ordering
    everybody around.  First off, there was no way he was gonna waste his
    time watching me audition; he was there to play.  I decided to stick
    around anyway.  Now the band had been doing the rock cover thing for a
    few years, and was looking to expand into a more original act and move
    towards jazzier stuff.  So they jam out on a few numbers just to warm
    up, the guy plays a decent bass, and then they start to tell him about
    the direction they want to go in, something a little more "musical"
    than what they'd been doing.  Geeze, you'd think they just insulted
    his mother or something.  This guy wanted to "learn some Stones tunes,
    get out into some clubs and make some money".  He starts getting all
    hot under the collar and basically arguing with the rest of the band
    about what kind of stuff they're going to play.  After building up to a
    good lather, he finally decides he's had enough, packs up his equipment
    in smoldering silence, and leaves.  His parting words on the way out the
    door were "good luck with your f*ck*n symphony!"
    
    Well, there was stunned silence for a few seconds.  In retrospect it's 
    kinda funny; actually, it was funny even then, after the initial shock.
    We were just your typical young, mellowed-out, musician punk hippies;
    this guy blew through us like a tornado.  Nobody was in the mood to
    play after that, and I never got a return call.  Too many bad vibes
    I guess.
    
    /rick
2426.4BTOVT::BEST_GBaby, assess my gingivaWed Jan 08 1992 13:145
    
    Great stories! 
    
    
    guy
2426.5I've got one....NAVY5::SDANDREAplonkers 'r' usWed Jan 08 1992 13:4722
    I was invited to audition for a band in '72 after dinking around with
    my high school buddies for a few years.  I had plenty of experience
    playing out by then, and my brother in law was the bass player in this
    band.  There was a decent comfort level on my part, but the catch was,
    I was to audition at one of their gigs by sitting in!! They wanted to
    really test me!  I was allowed to pick songs from their list (whew!)
    that I wanted to do, and I had time to prepare.  This was all ok...the
    hard part was that they had NOT TOLD THEIR CURRENT GUITAR PLAYER THAT
    HE WAS ABOUT TO BE FIRED!!  This guy had a drinking/behavior problem
    that was hurting the band.  I was there that night, I KNEW the guitar
    player personally, I KNEW he was about to be fired, and they told him
    that I was "just gonna sit in a 3 or 4 tunes"....sheesh!  I was more
    nervous about the "situation" than I was about the audition.  I played
    as good as I could play in '72, and the band was impressed; they hired
    me and I played with them for 6 years!  Oh yeah, one more thing...they
    told their guitar player that he had been fired that night while I was
    still there!  Ack!   It went well, he was not surprised, but I was
    UNCOMFORTABLE!  
    
    sheesh...
    
    Steve
2426.6Another couple for y'all.BRUMMY::LAWTONMy kneecap is a bicycle chainWed Jan 08 1992 18:4945
    I've had a couple of strange experiences:
    
    I read an ad (this was in my un-attached days) for a pro folk band,
    "touring Europe", it said. I conned a friend into taking me and my gear
    over to this house in the wilds of Staffordshire, talking all the way
    about how I didn't really like folk, but they were "bound to be" like
    Steeleye Span.
    
    I should have known there was something up when I arrived; the singer
    (female) came out to meet us and asked if we'd brought any "stuff".
    After pointing out my equipment that was seriously hurting my friend's
    car's suspension, she said "No....stuff.....smoke..." - and still I
    didn't tumble.
    
    Anyway, we humped my stuff into this old farmohouse, cracking asides
    about bringing my gas powered amp - I was almost right. "I'll have to
    put some more fuel in the generator if your going to use that" the
    guitarist told me and off he wandered, jerrycan in hand.
    
    On his return, Sue (the vocalist) said "We want someone to play a
    melodic bass line." 
    
    "Well, I'm yer man" I replied,"Give me an example of the sort of thing
    we're talking about here."
    
    Would you believe "John Barleycorn"? That's right, they were a trad
    folk outfit. Made Steeleye Span sound like a thrash band. I worked my way
    through a few songs, grotesquely over playing, hoping they'd think me
    too sophisticated. No such luck - they liked me. They regaled me with
    tales about how they always slept in the van on tour (great, uh?) and
    how they laughed when they had stomach cramps from hunger when they
    weren't paid for one particular gig in France.
    
    I left and gave them a phoney phone number.
    
    The other occasion (not so long-winded) was a blues band (again, I
    wasn't really into it, but it was work) and I turned up to find six
    other guys there, all for the same job. I sat patiently while these
    guys hacked their way through the "I woke up one mo'nin'" jungle and
    when it came to my turn (I was last up) I said "Can't you play anything
    but blues?" They obliged with "Rock Around The Clock". Totally bizarre.
    
    I gave them a phoney number too.
    
    Phil
2426.7BTOVT::BEST_GBaby, assess my gingivaThu Jan 09 1992 11:4318
    
    re: .6  ("stuff")
    
    A bass playing friend of mine and I "tried out" for a band somewhere
    in NH.  The other guys were a guitarist and a drummer.  The drummer
    had a drum set that looked almost hand made, with old parts that
    he'd picked up wherever he could scrounge them (*except* for the
    Rototoms).  
    
    At any rate, I was surprise to find us in the process of auditioning
    *them*.  I had only been playing guitar for 2 years, had no confidence
    in my playing, and was blowing him away.  Of course, he had to pause
    between every song to smoke a bowl.....
    
    We told them it was too far for us to drive....
    
    
    guy
2426.8no, I didn't get the gig! 8^)CAVLRY::BUCKStay with me tonight...Thu Jan 09 1992 11:524
    My worstyy audtion had to be when I drove to nowhersville for this
    audition, and realized that I didn't have the key with me to get
    my stuff out of my car!!! (don't ask me how I drove there?!)  I
    ended up using someone elses amp and guitar, and it sucked. 
2426.9Just try to imagine that sound is coming from the keysDREGS::BLICKSTEINSoaring on the wings of dawnThu Jan 09 1992 12:0114
    re: .8 (Buck)
    
    I have a similar story:
    
    I remember setting up my gear at an audition in Nashua only to
    discover that I didn't have the power cable for any of my keys!!!
    
    Fortunately, they managed to find a cable that I could make
    do with but I'm sure that gave them a great impression - like
    "what if he did this at a gig?"
    
    But in spite of that, Dan Dube offered me the gig.  
    
    	db
2426.10A night of terror.....BRUMMY::LAWTONMy kneecap is a bicycle chainThu Jan 09 1992 12:1760
    I tousled with this one long and hard yesterday and have only just
    decided to enter it, as it showed my base personal attribute - I'll do
    anything for money...
    
    Not really an audition. The original band I was playing in had a two
    week break from gigging and the vocalist rang me one Friday afternoon.
    Her old man managed a C&W band; the bass player had just gone sick and
    would I "like to earn an easy 25 quid?" I agreed of course - I'll do
    anything for money...
    
    These guys came and collected me and my stuff (and my wife) and off we
    went to Stafford Social Club. The club itself was pretty grim. I felt
    like we were gigging in Stalag 17. While we were setting up, Mick, who
    played pedal steel, said "Yeah, it's just basic C&W and some rock 'n'
    roll thrown in....join in on the vocals when you hear one you know."
    Rubbing my hands at an easy buck, I finished setting up, tuned up and
    went to the bar with my wife. After the second pint, I felt the need to
    relieve myself and, on the way into the men's room, the lead guitarist
    was on his way out.
    
    "Oh, by the way, the changing room's around the back," he said," but I
    don't know if the trousers will fit you. The shirt will, though."
    
    Ever had that feeling when you want to wake up from a nightmare, only
    to find that it gets worse? I went around to the back of the stage,
    thinking "These b'stards are going to dress me up" I was quite right.
    They had white trousers, white shoes and presented me with an identical
    shirt to the one they were all wearing....bright blue silk, big pointed
    collar, no buttons and open halfway down the chest with laces and five
    buttons on the cuff that billowed the sleeves out when fastened. "It
    goes with our name," Mick said. "'Blue Beach Sounds' - the shirt for
    the sky and the trousers for the beach." I kid you not, readers. But
    I'll do anything for money.
    
    My wife, when we emerged on stage, almost blew a gasket and still
    extracts the urine about it today. It was pretty standard C&W fare,
    with some Hawaiian odds and sods for good measure. Before one of these
    Hawaiian pieces, Mick told me to stop playing when he gave me the nod.
    At the given moment, the nod was given and *everyone* stopped...aprt
    from the drummer. "Come on, off, off" urged Mick, shooing me offstage
    and he and the guitarist followed. We stood by the bar and drank two
    pints (this is no gag) while this bloke played a drum solo (bass, floor
    tom, snare, hanging tom and two cymbals). From the crowd reaction,
    you'd have thought it was Billy Cobham in full flow......in reality, it
    was more like Billy Graham. We went back on and finished the song to
    rapturous applause (I'd swear there were a few resulting orgasms in the
    crowd, but I have no hard evidence).
    
    I toook my money and went home. Mick phoned me the week after to see if
    I was interested in a full time place with them. 
    
    I declined, strange as that may sound.
    
    Phil
    
    P.S. I saw them a few years ago, which was a few years after my night
    of terror - same set, same clothes.....same drum solo...
    
    
     
2426.11RAVEN1::BLAIRBush: Japan should import Buuuuicks!Thu Jan 09 1992 12:285
    
    re:-1
    
    Very funny story.  Does anybody remember "Up in Smoke" where the
    band has to dress up in "lame" bus boy outfits?
2426.12DECWIN::KMCDONOUGHSet Kids/NosickThu Jan 09 1992 13:2114
    I was a member of a band that was auditioning a 2nd guitar player.  The
    guy sets up his Marshall 1/2 stack and proceeds to blow us away with
    both talent and volume.  What an onslaught!  After a couple of tunes,
    he stopped playing, said that we weren't the band for him, packed up
    and left.  We stood there looking at each other like a bunch of kids
    who couldn't play with the big guys.  Pomptly decided to bag the idea
    of adding another player....
    
    
    I also had more than a few auditions with "glee club" singers.  You
    know, sang the lead in "The Sound of Music" and now wanted to hit the
    stage with a band.  Ahem, we'll call you and let you know.....
    
    Kevin
2426.13Ahh yes, You sang in the high school musical....BSS::STPALY::MOLLERFix it before it breaksFri Jan 10 1992 20:4525
>    I also had more than a few auditions with "glee club" singers.  You
>    know, sang the lead in "The Sound of Music" and now wanted to hit the
>    stage with a band.  Ahem, we'll call you and let you know.....
 
    This brings back incredably bad memories of similar experiances. What
    I find worse is that many seem so intent on what they are singing, they
    don't notice that they are out of time, not following the song in
    any way shape or form and don't notice that the key that they are singing
    in isn't the key that we are playing it in.

    I've had very few auditions where I was being tested, but I've been
    involved with many where I was trying to select someone. When I went
    to show my chops, I often met people who had a very set idea of what
    they wanted (and I either had never heard of the people that they were
    modeling themselves after, or the concept - as explained to me - was
    a bit too cosmic for my tastes), or anyone who wandered in the door
    who could follow the music/tempo/breaks would do.

    I keep interviewing female vocalists, but can't find any who can deal
    with my keyboard player (it must be hard on them to try to guess what
    it is that they are doing wrong - He keeps coming up with new things
    to dislike).

							Jens