Conference napalm::guitar

    "We've had a lot of requests ...."
    
    "... but we're gonna play another set anyway ..."
    
    Scary

    "Some of you are ready to dance, so we're gonna play one just for you. 
    It's not real fast, sorta half fast ... so all of you half_assed
    dancers, get on the dance floor !"
    
    Scary

    "You ready to rock and roll ?!?!"
    
    Scary (just kidding ... 8^)

    "Somebody get me a beer, and put it on the drummers tab ..."
    
    Scary

    "the more you drink, the better we sound"

    >"the more you drink, the better we sound"
    
    No Brain, No Pain!!

    [stolen from Dandrea/Coop's band]
    
    
    
    "Well, the crowd is small but enthusiastic tonight..."
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    "Like my ..."

"Got any Priest fans out there tonight ?   I love listening to Priest 
 in the morning...WICKED loud..."
 ...Imagine  sitting at home eating your Wheaties, listening to Priest ?
 ...Imagine going grocery shopping, walking down the cereal isle and seeing
 Rob Halfords face on the Wheaties box ?"

"Ummm, excuse me miss, but you have to dance in front of the other side of
 the stage, I have a difficult solo in this song, and you are distracting me"

"Friends don't let friends lick toads"

"Help !   I can't stop my leg !!"

"We'd like to thank our road crew and engineering staff - Thanks Chuck"
(Wagagagaga)

"Never sing in a mike without a condom (gotta motion to your foam wind screen"

" ...Ewww, can someone wash this out for me"

jc

    
    "I'd like to introduce to you the greatest guitarist in the history
    of rock....., but Steve Howe couldn't make it tonight.....
    ...So here's Bobby!!!!!

    re: .6
    
    We had the best slogans!
    
    8^)

    "Our guitar player is once again going to perform some chinese music
     known as... TU - NING."
    
    To hecklers: "Hey you, get your hands outta your pants - WE're supposed
    	to be the entertainment here!"
    
    I also like Alan Starr's choice of band names:
    
    	"Good night and we're SORRY".
    
    

    If you like what we play, tell a friend, if you don't like it,
    please write your comments on the back of a five dollar bill and
    pass them up to us... (thanks Fred)

    "No, we don't know that song, but this one has a lot of the same
    notes."

Here's a couple I have used for hecklers........

  "When GOD gave you a mouth he wasted a perfectly good arsehole"

and

  "Let me have your home address for later tonight so I can come round and 
   have a good laugh when you're performing"

For closing the evening.....

" If you liked us we are called *insert band name*, if you did'nt we are called
  *insert rival (and known to audience)band name*"

or

"We used to be called the SYMBOLICS....but changed our name to .....
 *insert band name*, when SYM left"

when introducing the band......

"Our guitarist is called Fred NOVAK and our drummer is called Jim GOODE.....
 they joined us from from a failed duo called NOVAK'n GOODE (say it quickly)

or

"Sorry if we look a bit tired, but we have just returned from a World Tour of
 *insert local small town*"

"If you have any requests....send them to Jimmy Young (UK radio DJ)..not us"

"Give our singer the clap he so richly deserves"

"Don't applaud our singer .....he used to be conceited...but now he thinks 
 he's perfect"

or

"The next song needs no introduction....so I won't"

 This next song is from the " Queen Mother Sings The Yardbirds Greatest Hits 
 Vol 2"  (or any other similar totaly unlikely album name)


or

This next song is called " I used to kiss her on the lips...but I left her 
behind for you"

or 

this next song is called " I used to kiss her on the lips...but now it's 
all over"

or

" This next song is an old original country tune that I have just writen"

or

  This next tune is called " Get off the stove grandma..you're too old to
  ride the range"

Happy improvising.......

Dave

    "Now we'll sing the one which made us famous"
    
    "Are we getting paid? No? Then I won't bother to tune up"
    
    During a tuning session.... "That's close enough for folk music"
    
    andy

    To hecklers
    
    What do you use for birth control...your personality?
    
    So now you know what happens when a fetus doesn't get enough oxygen.
    
    To an audience
    
    Our photographer is here but he wasn't counting on still life.
    
    If you have a request write it on a piece of paper and stick it in your
    ear and you will be the first to hear it.

	You never know what you'll hear while hanging out near the soundboard;

	  one time an obscure comment to calcium deficiency related from 
	  certain activities...

		"Hey, how does your guitarist bend over so far backwards
		like that?"  It's easy, his legs are made of cheese.

	Maybe you had to be there but I cracked up.

	- Jim

    Late reply with a couple less famous ad-libs:  8*}
    
    "We're gonna play 'Name That Tune!'...name this next tune and you get
    to buy the band a drink!" (Our old leader used to do this all the time;
    funny, we never got any takers.....)
    
    "Here's a song we would *like* to have had a hit record with..."
    
    (After playing a song that gets moderate recognition) "Thank you.  Did
    anyone here buy that record?  We sold one, we're trying to find out who
    bought it...."
    
    "Here's a song we featured in all the leading motels from coast to
    coast; we played in most of 'em (pause, pause) and, uh, we sang in a
    couple of 'em, too...."
    
    					-- Eric --