Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    Personally, I *like* younger men!  (*8
    
    E Grace

    This is coming from the male side of this issue. I met my wife
    when I was 25 and she was 32. We have been together now 7 years
    and married close to 5 with a beautiful 21 month old girl now
    part of the family. Granted the age difference isn't great but
    7 years isn't small either. I don't believe that Lillian has ever
    felt uncomfortable with having a mate younger than her and I surely
    don't feel uncomfortable either. We couldn't be happier. I don't
    see anything wrong with older woman 'dating' younger men. In fact
    I think we may see more of it in the 90's as people become more
    open minded with it.
    

    I, too, seem to have a marked affinity for younger men.  Sometimes we
    seem to look at a relationship from different viewpoints, because of
    "where we are in life" and the fact that our cumulative experiences
    differ in scope and breadth.  But it's nothing communication, sharing,
    and mutual support can't solve.
    
    -Jody
    

    see also:
    
    Womannotes-V1
    838 - older women, younger men
    
    Human_relations
    78 - younger men and older women
    
    -Jody
    

    Hi!  I just started reading some of the notes here in womannotes and I
    love this subject!  I am dating someone who is 9 years younger than me.
    We have a great relationship!  Alot of the times we laugh about the age
    difference.  My parents met him at Christmas time and later I asked my
    mother what she thought of him..... She said, "He's nice for a kid!"
    I'm 39 and he just turned 30.... I have no problem with this and
    neither does he.  Go for it!  K.T. Oslen has a great song about younger
    men and older woman which I can relate to!
    
    nancy
    

    
    686.2
    
    I'm glad you are happy.  Good luck to you.  I hope other people will do
    what there heart tells them to do.  For if we wait for the world to
    adjust before we do anything we will be left on the back burner.
    
    V. Marie

    The idea of me dating a significantly younger man (or woman, for that
    matter) disgusts me.
      
    D!

    .7

    As thou growest, thou will see new wisdom.

    

    I adore younger men and have dated several.
    
    
                                  L.J.

    re .7, I feel just the opposite.  The idea of dating a significantly
    *older* man (or woman for that matter!) disgusts me!  :-)
    
    Lorna
    

    
    RE:7
    
    Love is where the heart is.  Just suppose you meet a nice guy that
    looked older and you got involved.  Then down the line you find out he
    is younger then you.  Would you drop him because of his age?
    
    Would that be fare for him or yourself?  That would be playing with
    people's feeling.
    
    V. Marie

    Yo, Lorna,
    
    I'm in total agreement!!!  
    
    -Dotti.

I'm with Lorna and Dotti on this one. Each time I've tried to get involved with
*older* men it seemed like I was with my father! I can't believe so many women
do it. Of course the youngest guy I ever dated was only 5 years younger which
isn't much at my age. I think after 10 years age difference you start to feel
the generation gap. But depending on the person that may not matter either. 
liesl

    
    I think that age is totally in the mind.  Recently I have dated a 33
    year old and a 24 year old -- I'm 28 (29 soon). 
    
    The 24 year old makes me feel young, and he appreciates the fact that
    I'm not into some of the games that women his age play because I'm
    secure with who I am.  We have a lot of fun together and the age
    difference is never an issue. 
    
    The 33 year old made me feel like I needed to be younger.  He tends to
    date women around the age of 20 because he doesn't like the "excess
    baggage" that older women carry with them (i.e. ex-husbands,
    boyfriends, etc).  We shared some nice times together, but I always
    felt guilty for having experienced situations in my life that are
    common for women my age, which made me very insecure in the
    relationship.
    
    I think that the compatibility of two people depends on their
    personalities and what they want out of a relationship -- not on their
    age.  If one were to set rules on how old a person has to be before
    they will date them -- one could miss out on the time of their life!
    
    
    Well, that's my .02 cents . . .   :~}
    
    
    Rain
                                  

    Re .11: Didn't you notice the title (and smiley) in .7? Someone who's
    "significantly younger" than a 22-year-old is liable to be jail-bait...
    except for very small values of "significant". ;-)
    
    -b

    I think that once people get to a certain age (somewhere between 30 and
    35), that 5 yrs. older or younger doesn't count at all.  It's like
    being the same age.   Anything between 5 and 10 yrs. older or
    younger probably won't matter if both people have a lot in common. 
    But, I think that once the age difference gets to be more than 10 yrs.
    up or down, there's more likely to be problems because there's too much of a
    chance that the people will be at different stages in their lives and
    will want different things from a relationship.
    
    Lorna
    

    I too have a tendency towards YOUNGER MEN.  (No younger than 5 yrs
    though.)  Or maybe I should say, younger men are always who I find
    most attracted to me.
    
    At one point I felt very uneasy with YOUNGER MEN/OLDER WOMEN, but as
    time went on...it didn't bother me.  I feel very comfortable today.
    
    "Don't knock em' until you've tried em'."
    
    Carol
    
    
    
    

    re .14
    
    IMO, if the person older than you begrudged your life experiences, I
    doubt it was a case of age difference.  Makes me wonder what he wanted
    to discuss with a younger female...  Or was he attempting to feel
    superior?
    
    Thank goodness all men don't have this outlook.
    
    
    Judi
    

    ... he just turned 5, and he's a real cute young feller, too!  I'll
    have to introduce you two...
    
    {-: to "hoist you" just fer fun, may I quote you... "I too have a tendency
    towards YOUNGER MEN.  (No younger than 5 yrs though.)" :-}
    
    Now back to our regularly scheduled nonRatHole.  :-)  Dan

    >Love is where the heart is.  Just suppose you meet a nice guy that
    >looked older and you got involved.  Then down the line you find out he
    >is younger then you.  Would you drop him because of his age?
    
    You betcha!  I'm not into going to jail!
    
    I think you missed the point.  At the whopping age of 22, if I date
    someone significantly younger than me, he's apt to be *prepubescent*. 
    I don't see how I could mistake a boy of 14 for a man my age.
    
    ----------
    
    Oh come on, Lorna: imagine dating someone, say, 15 years older than you
    - that would put him at 57, which isn't *that* bad.  If I dated someone
    15 years *younger* than myself, that would make hir 7 years old.  Now
    *that* is bad!!
    
    ;-)
    
    D!

I agree with Lorna (.16) -- anything less than 5 years either way 
doesn't matter.  It's the same age.  You've gone through pretty much
the same social and cultural experiences, popular music, and hit movies.
But I think it stops mattering even younger than 30 -- I'd say more like
when the younger partner reaches 24 or 25.  Neil's two years younger than 
me and the only difference we notice is that I remember Gale Sayers' rookie
season and he doesn't :).

But if you start getting into situations in which one of you has been
through a major crisis that the other one didn't go through -- Viet Nam
comes to mind -- you can have difficulties stemming from differing 
assumptions.  I've noticed this with older friends who remember John
Kennedy's assassination as a traumatic experience on their lives.  I was
too young to feel it as more than a "too bad."  Someone who came of age
in the late 60's has a different attitude toward social responsibility 
than someone who came of age in the 80's.  If you aren't both willing to
explain your own view and accept the validity of the other person's
view, you can have problems.  

I'd agree that this is probably more of a communications problem than
a problem with the differing ages as such, but it can definitely be
a factor in part because its manifestations are often subtle and quick to
anger -- oops, that's wizards. :)  Subtle and hard to recognize before 
they blow up into arguments, I should have said.

--bonnie

    Where do I sign up! ;*)
    
    I have dated women older than myself most of my life. To me age was 
    
    never a problem, it was who was inside that matters. There are a lot
    
    of people in today's society that it does bother,but for the life of
    
    me I can't see how age could, if you had the same likes and interests.
    
    I try to see who is inside first, then if something happens,it happens.
    
    And all this from a 26 year old Man. :*)
    
    
    
    Mark

    re .21, 57 yrs. old may be legal, but it might not be *fun*! :-)
    
    (hey, 15 yrs. older than me is 56 not 57! geez, I'm not 42!)
    
    Lorna
    

    I like older women.

    re: .-1
    
    		*WHEW*

    re .25
    
    good thing!
    
    ;-)

  I agree with past notes that +/- 5 years normally doesn't make a big
difference.  EXCEPT when one of the parties is under the age of 21-22 and
the other is over the age of 25, 26, or older.  Its a gross, gross
generalization but its been my experience that there are some significant
"life experiences" which take place in those years which can give both parties
a very different outlook on the relationship.  Especially when it comes to
permanence.

Jim  

    re .26 re .25

    Of course, you'll note he used the plural...

    Although I'm only 23 years old, I for one, like younger men. 
    Normally I end up dating men that are 5 - 10 years older than myself
    because of the linork that I'm in & the fact that I'm a single
    parent.  These two factors make it a little tough to get out to the
    spots that all the young, tan, firm, energetic, & handsome young pool
    cleaners hang out at.
    
    We have a studly little 20 year old working in the building, and
    everytime I see this lad I just want to take him home.  :^)
    
    K.C.  

>  I agree with past notes that +/- 5 years normally doesn't make a big
>difference.  EXCEPT when one of the parties is under the age of 21-22 and
>the other is over the age of 25, 26, or older.  Its a gross, gross
>generalization but its been my experience that there are some significant
>"life experiences" which take place in those years which can give both parties
>a very different outlook on the relationship.  Especially when it comes to
>permanence.


	Oh no, I definately don't agree with this......

	I married at 19 to someone who was 27.

	There was very little difference in our outlook, or what we wanted from
 	life.  8 years difference was nothing at this age.

	By the time I was 28 and he was 36 there was a huge difference in our
	outlook and what we wanted - too much to continue with the marriage.
	8 years difference was an eternity at this age.

	Heather 

    re .29, re .1
    
    Of course, you'll note that I did also!  {:8
    
    

    I'm with the +/- 10 years contingent.  Dated a man who was 15 years
    older for several months and found the "generation gap" to be
    significant.
    
    An aquaintance of mine advocates dating younger men because she says
    their mother's were probably from the Earth Mother generation and brought 
    them up right.
    
    P

    I don't mind going out with older women, but I wouldn't personally go
    out with younger men.

    RE: .20
    
    Would love to meet your nephew.  Bet...he's a doll (they always are
    at the age of 5).
    
    Carol
                     

    If a guy isn't at least 15 years younger than I am then he doesn't
    really stand a chance
    
    
    :) :)

    Me thinks that there is too much being made of this age crap. I know
    25 year old males who act 15 and other 25 year old males that act 35.
    There is too much emphasis on a number and not on the person. 

    
    From another guy point of view...
    
    	I have allways fantisied about being with a woman older than
    myself!  It has never happened yet.  The closest is when I took
    a woman out on her birthday.  We had a great time...eating and
    chatting.  We got along great but, I'm not sure a long term
    relationship would have worked.  I think the age difference was
    about 10 years.  A one time deal would be great, but as far as
    a long term relationship goes...I like them younger than I or 
    the same.
    
    	Hal

    RE: .30  -< A man's sexual peek is at 18... >-
    
    I just *love* sexual peeking :-)
    
    Mary

    
     I just don't understand why people say "men peak at 18". 
    
    Just how is it measured?  I'm in my 30's and I feel I'm better than
    
    I was back then.  So, I get annoyed when I hear that !!!
    

>    I just don't understand why people say "men peak at 18". 

Memory is the second to go...
    
>   Just how is it measured?    

By your partner. (And *not* with a ruler...)

>   I'm in my 30's and I feel I'm better now than back then.

And that's just PART of the problem...

>   So, I get annoyed when I hear that !!!

And that's the rest.

Give yourself a break. I believe the basis of this particular statistic has to
do with stamina and not technique. How old were you the last time you stayed
up all night having sex? How about the last time you did that three nights in
a row? :-)

I keep repeating to myself "quality - not quantity" but I really want both!

	-- Charles

    
    This is all reminding me of a catty/sarcastic retort I never said but
    always wished I had.  (One of those "Oh, I wish I'd thought of that
    then!" occasions. :-)
    
    It was one of those "triangle" things.  I had a thing for Fang.  Fang 
    (alas) had a thing for Zipper.  Fang told me that Zipper had hurt hir 
    (am I right that "hir" is the all-purpose gender-free pronoun?) feelings 
    by saying "Gee, I wish I could find someone with a 19 year old body 
    and a 30 year old brain."  I couldn't feel much sympathy for Fang,
    under the circumstances.
    
    What I thought of later was, "Gee, sounds like Zipper's got a 19 year
    old brain trapped inside a 30 year old body."
    
    Well, maybe you had to be there.
    
    CQ

Ah, it must be old age. There was a time when all night sex was OK but my 
reaction now might be more along the lines of "wake me when it's over". :*) 
I'll take technique and style over sheer stamina. liesl

    I was under the impression that the "peak" thing was not stamina,
    but the number of times a man can climax within a certain amount
    of time.
    
    It has been my experience that stamina comes much later in life
    for men that 18. 
    
    Of coarse, I'm always willing to be proven wrong! ;^)
    
    
                              L.J.

    A pat for the older ego:
    
    Even though the young men excite me, and it is a thrill to actually
    turn them on to new things, the level of experience that a man
    upwards of thirty has in the knowledge of pleasing a woman (not all
    mind you) does beat the all night long energetic yet mildly
    uncoordinated "ugly bumping" by far.
    
    My theory, keep an even balance of both.  ;^)
    
    Kel
    

    re:.46
    
    One should always keep a balanced life! ;^)
    
                              L.J.

    re .41
    
    You reach your physical peak in the late teens to early 20's.  After
    that your judgement improves while your physical condition
    deteriorates.  The judgement increases at a faster rate than the body
    deteriorates, so you actually reach a better peak in your early 30's -
    you have much improved judgement, and your body hasn't deteriorated
    significantly (yet).
    
    
    Rich

Re: .48

> so you actually reach a better peak in your early 30's

Let me guess how old you are... 

	:-)
	-- Charles

	I'm in the 'close to my age, but not exact' league.

	I enjoy the company of women within, perhaps, a ten year
	band of my age and on either side of it. I'm 48, so
	that's 38 to 58. 

	I have found them comfortable with themselves as
	contrasted to trying to project some image. 
    
    	Much better company!

	It gets all that game playing off the table.

	Just my personal preferences.

				Charlie ....
    

>    (am I right that "hir" is the all-purpose gender-free pronoun?) 


	Well, I noticed this in a few replies, and had assumed that it was
	a mis-spelling of "her".


	Heather

        re .-1,
        
>> >    (am I right that "hir" is the all-purpose gender-free pronoun?) 
>>
>>
>>	Well, I noticed this in a few replies, and had assumed that it was
>>	a mis-spelling of "her".
        
        It's a one-letter-off misspelling of both "her" and "his."
        
        Dan

        
>        It's a one-letter-off misspelling of both "her" and "his."
        
        Dan,

	I know each is one-letter out, however I'd assumed that people knew 
	that his ended in an "s" rather than an "r", and that :

	hir instead of his could be a typo,
	whereas
	hir instead of her was a misspelling, especially where I've seen it used
	it was consistantly spelt this way, so more likely to be a spelling
	mistake than a typo.
	 
	I still don't know, was it misspelt, or is "hir" used in this notes
	conference to cover both his and her?

	Heather

    
    Re -1
    
	> is "hir" used in this notes conference to cover both his and her?
    
    Yes. It's not a "rule", but lots of people seem to have adopted it.
    
    Maybe futher discussions of gender-neutral terms could go to the
    Rathole of suitable topic?
    
    'gail
    
    

     I still say that men reach a physical/stamina peak NOT at 18. But
    more like ages 27 thru 34!!!  Not just sex, but any activity. Look
    at your professional ball players. Most of them had the best stats
    during those years.
       If you stay in shape it's definately true !
    
    Jack
    

>Most professional athletes who reach a peak in their late 20s do so not
>because they have greater stamina but rather because they have
>developed greater skill.  They have learned how to do more while
>expending less effort.  You will notice that the sprint sports are
>generally populated by people in their very early 20s, while the
>endurance sports are populated by older men.

	Look at swimming, there are not many men AT ALL, sprints or 
	long-distance over 25, and few women over 20.

		H

    
    
    RATHOLE ALERT!
    
    RE:  .58
    
    Is there professional swimming?
    

    
>    Is there professional swimming?
 

	I don't actually know if swimmers are paid "appearance money" for
	swimming events.

	I know they get funded by swimwear companies, and for opening 
	supermarkets etc., some of them are offered journalist slots whilst
	they are competing.  

	You can be a proffesional synchro swimmer and water-polo player.

	It's about the same as runners and field events.

	Heather

    This is a subject near and dear to my heart, and what follows is only
    one man's opinions.
    
    I have always been attracted to older women. When I was a sophomore in
    high school I dated a senior. She gave me *her* senior ring to wear.
    Over the years, it seems a majority of the women I've dated have been
    older, anywhere from a few months to 17 years. Looking back, I don't
    think it was consciously planned that way. It just seemed to work out
    that way. If I was attracted to her, and she to me, age just never
    mattered to me. In some cases, it was much more of a problem for her.
    
    I am glad that society is much more accepting of the older
    woman/younger man relationship now than it was 20 years ago. I always
    wondered why it was OK for older men/younger women, but not vice versa.
    
    While we all learn something from every human being we come into
    contact with, I am especially grateful for the older women who have
    been a part of my life. The man I am today is due largely to their
    caring, understanding, and patience. I can't even begin to list what
    all I've learned (and keeping this note clean won't let me ;-) ). And
    the education extended far beyond the bedroom. I truly feel that my
    life would not, and could not, be near as enjoyable now had our paths
    not crossed.
    
    I am 38 now, and can't really see myself dating a woman 15 years
    younger, but I have no problems seeing myself dating 15 years (or more)
    older. I do date younger women, as well as older women. Attraction is
    not dictated by age.
    
    As far as when a man reaches his peak, I know I'm not on the downhill
    side yet! References available upon request. :-)
    
    Mike
             

I usually go out with men younger than myself.  One reason is that I
seem to be attracted to them, but also it is that they are attracted to me.
I find the younger men are more fun, are usually more interesting and
less stuck in routines.  They are prepared to break the conventions and
go over the boundaries more..

True they often have half-baked ideas which make you sigh, but they will
grow eventually and as long as they have ideals and dreams they are often
more lively in their minds than the men who have become disillusioned.
    
There is a good article by Shirley Conran in her excellent book "Futures"
(subtitled How to grow old disgracefully) written for the woman over 30.

Some quotes from this book:

"It is no longer shaming, humiliating or odd to sleep with a
much younger man and it can be a delight all sorts of unexpected ways. 
For a start he is NOT comparing you unfavourably with young women. It's
the older men that do that.

What sort of women aren't worried about having a younger lover and
have no problems relating to a younger man?

Women who don't feel inferior to other women
Women who are secure in themselves, who feel they are a person in
their own right.
Women who don't depend on second-hand status from a husband
Women who aren't primarily looking for a man to lean on (that is 
a substitute-father)


Why it's often the woman who's more reluctant to get involved

She doesn't understand WHY he likes/fancies/loves her.

She thinks that attraction is exterior-oriented and visible, and that
because she isn't as 'pretty' as she was when she attracted young men
20 years ago her attraction for young men must have disappeared.
She thinks that he doesn't see her as she really is: that his dreams
of her are rosecoloured and that one day he will wake up and see the
gruesome reality of Her at Dawn.  But a man falls for the whole package
not just what you see in the bathroom mirror every morning.  Diana Dors
at 39 asked her husband Alan (9 years her junior) "will you love me when
I'm old and fat" to which he replied "you are and I do"

(by the way when Diana Dors died of some illness, her husband was so
bereft that he committed suicide shortly after)

-----------------------------
In every way today's older woman is a far more attractive proposition
than she was in the days when Somerset Maugham wrote, "Although she was over 
30, she was still an attractive woman"

The young woman is often attracted to an older man by his job, status and
money.  Many of today's working women have at least two of these assets and
as they go out to work they often have opportunities to meet younger men.

A young man is often drawn by qualities that would go unnoticed by a man
in her own age group, because he might also have them.  Where the older
woman might win hands down over the younger one is with:

her sophistication
her poise
her sex appeal
her experience of sex
her experience of life
her conversational abilities (yes really)
her interesting or influential friends
her worldly goods
her status


WHAT sophistication you may wonder crossly as you wash the dishes.

On a deeper level sophistication is one, two or ALL of these listed assets.

And what about sex appeal? No one could explain it better than the
26-year old man who said:

'Sex appeal is totally different in an older woman.  
It's ALLURE ... a smouldering, irrestible magnetism.  It doesn't
smell of spring flowers: it's musky'

Most young men are unsure of themselves and uncertain of their capabilities and
deeply appreciate support and reassurance from someone who isn't their mother.

People take you at your own evaluation of yourself so it is essential to
move with assurance, not timidity.  The wrinkles don't seem to matter so long as
you are unselfconscious and lively.  Charm is all.
-------------------------------------------------------

This is all I have time to type!

    I like 'em *smart*.
    
    -jc
    

"I like 'em big and stupid.
I like 'em big and real dumb."

	Julie Brown

Buy her albums! She's a twisted *genius*.

	-- Charles

    .64
    
    A "twisted *genius*"?  >grin<  I like your style.
    
    -jc

>"I like 'em big and stupid.
>I like 'em big and real dumb."

>	Julie Brown

Of course, that could be because she a B-L-O-N-D.

D!

> Of course, that could be because she a B-L-O-N-D.

'cept she's not! She's a brunette.


	Everybody run!
	Homecoming Queen's got a gun!

	-- Charles

    I lived for 8 years with a man who was 15 years old than I was.  I was
    22 when it started, he was 37.  I was 30 when I left him, he was 45.
    At 22 I thought he was brilliant, sensitive and wonderful, by the
    time I was 30, I realized that although he "talked" equality, he lived
    "traditional in-equality".  Since he could/would not change, I
    could/would not stay.
    
    Now I'm 36.  Men my age still seem to "talk" equality.  Younger men
    seem to accept the idea of actual - real equality with the women in
    their lives.  Probably because their Mothers were more "equal" than
    my Mother was, and raised their sons accordingly.
    
    Dating a younger man has come up several times in the last year, and
    I haven't done it yet.  Logically it makes perfect sense.  But I'm
    still answering "I don't think that's a good idea".  Anything new
    is scarey at first, I suppose.
    
    Miriam

This was written by Ben Franklin in 1745 explaining to a younger
man why old mistresses are preferable to younger ones:


1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds
are beter stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more
improving and more lastingly agreeable.

2. Because when Women case to be handsome, they study to be good.
To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminuation of
Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do 1000 Services
small and great and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you
are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence thre is hardly such a thing
to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd
may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet
in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The commerce with them
is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to
others, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People
might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old Woman who would kindly
take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels,
and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary 
Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the
Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part:
The Face first grows land and wrinkled; then the Neck, then the
Breast, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible
of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark
all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old
Woman is at least equal and frequently superior, every Knack
being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching of a Virgin may be her
Ruin, and make for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl
*miserable* may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of
which can attend making an old Woman *happy*.

8.[thly and Lastly] They are so *grateful*! Thus much for my
Paradox. But I still advise you to marry directly.

    -.1
    
    Bonnie, thanks for that blast from the past! Where'd you find it?
    
    D.

    From a book called 'Fall from Grace, Sex Scandal and Corruption in
    American Politics from 1702 to the Present' by Shelley Ross.
    
    
    BJ

    re .69 an "augmentation of utility"  hmmm...

    actually I highly recommend reading any of Ben Franklin's writings.  I
    stole a copy of "Life and Letters of B.F." from my father-in-law's
    disused bookcase and LOVED it.  He was both clever and wise as well as
    eminently practical.
    
    last bit of this rathole:  "snug as a bug in a rug" is a line from a
    poem B.F. wrote as eulogy for a little girl's pet squirrel, deceased...
    
    Sara
    

    I don't think I have actually felt 'grateful'!
    
    wow.....
    
    
    
    diana

    re: .74
    
    
    I never have, either!!
    
    
     -Dotti.

    I've been trying to think of something say differentiating
    20th Century Wmn from 18th CW, but my foxhole's not deep enough to
    defend from the incoming...
     So I won't
    
    ed

    re. 74 & .75
    
    Me either, although after a very long er, um, ah.....dry spell....
    Nahhh.... smiling maybe but not grateful.
    
    

    definitely smiling!!!
    
    -Dotti.

    This is really hard for me to explain ...
    
    I've dated younger men before (I'm 29) but I've always ended the
    relationship because of lack of maturity.  I've never really cared
    about the age thing, but mostly have dated older men.  Right now I'm in a
    wierd situation because I'm "playing the field" and refusing to get
    serious with anyone.  It is funny how guys come out of the woodwork
    when you just don't care ...  I'm seeing two older men (both about
    10 years older than I) and while there are no problems, there isn't
    any *spark*, you know?  In walks a man who I've known since he was in
    high school.  It is so wierd, he is 6 1/2 years younger than me and
    I've known him since he was 17.  Now he's 22 and he tells me he's been
    in love with me all these years.  I have to say I'm flattered and
    amazed that I'm attracted to him (not because he isn't a good person,
    but because I remember helping him with his *homework*!)  He's
    finishing his degree in engineering overseas and will get his PhD here
    in Washington.  I'm really confused because we've had recent
    discussions about the situation and I can't sort out my feelings.  One
    of the difficulties is that I've dated a younger man before and it was
    like *babysitting* -- all he cared about was drinking and doing the
    party/nightclub scene.  I'm way beyond that stage in life and I cannot
    envision trying to relieve that part of my life over again.  The other
    aspect is family pressure.  My brother in-law is this person's cousin
    by marriage and I care about my family and don't want to do anything
    that would cause conflict.  Because my brother in law is very
    judgemental, I envision having to deal with a lot of heartache if I
    respond to my younger friend ...
    
    Anyway, I guess I'm digressing from this conversation, but the bottom
    line is, age doesn't make a difference, it's all about what you want
    and how you want to deal with issues that you've already lived through
    ...
    
    Tammi
    

    
    
    RE: .79
    
    Tammi.  Do what you want to do in your heart...what other people think
    doesn't matter.  And remember, this guy might not be your "typical
    younger man" (ie, it might NOT be like "babysitting").
    
    kath
    
    

    
    Tammi I agree with Kath.... follow your heart and enjoy the time you have
    together. I am someone that people have always thought I am younger
    than I look (what is 40 supoose to look like????) I have dated younger and
    older men and I have enjoyed most of the times. Just follow your heart
    and don't worry about the little stuff ... life is too short.
    
    
    Joan
    

    Actually, Joan, *I* think you look younger than you are!  so there.
    
    E Grace

    Having just recently (gasp!!) *married* my younger man, I say from
    experience that it can be a great relationship.
    
    I've dated men of all ages, including other younger men, and as
    far as I can tell, the success of a relationship depends on so much
    more than age.  If you share interests, values, life style, hold
    much the same things dear, then the relationship has a good chance.
    
    It seems that age is a silly thing to fixate on unless it is the
    cause of the mismatch of the important things in a relationship.
    It's possible that the differences will diminish as you grow together,
    but the basic affinities should be there.
    
    For a while before I met Jim I dated someone who should have been
    perfect agewise.  But our values were totally different.  It didn't
    work and could not work.  I ditched that relationship after a month.
    
    Early on with Jim I sat down with him and said clearly what I wanted
    in a relationship and in life and asked how he felt about it and how
    he intended to act on the information.  I found out clearly where
    he stood on what mattered to me, and vice versa.
    
    I'm very happy but still a bit astounded.  :^)
    
    I am 39, Jim is 29.  We were married Groundhog Day, Feb. 2, 1991.
    Oh, not only do I have a spouse, I also have sisters!!! Jim kindly
    supplied me with two. 
       
        Margaret Gonzalez    

    Congratulations, Margaret!
    
    (Are any of them fen?)
    
    					Ann B.

    Wow!  Yes, congratulations, Margaret!  :-)
    
    Lorna
    

    Congratulations Margaret!
    
    hugs
    
    Bonnie

    I'm 8 1/2 years older than my husband, and after 8 years of marriage,
    we are the happiest couple we know!
    
    The problems we've had over the years have had little to do with our
    age difference.  In fact, the only time our ages come up is in a 
    comical way... I start talking about some old tv show or something,
    and then remember he probably wasn't even born when I was watching
    it... or we laugh when we realize that while I was going out on my
    first dates, he was starting 2nd grade!
    
    It helps that I'm petite and young looking, and he's 6 ft. and
    very confident... but all in all our ages have rarely seemed to 
    have any bearing on the state of our marriage.
    
    Jacki
    
    
     
    
    

	I have been dating a man 17 years younger than myself for the past
	two years - it's been great - I don't know how permanent it will be
	and right now I am going through a period of soul searching about
	the relationship.

	This relationship has been great fun - I highly recommend it!

	Angeline

    I used to call him my little man sappling.  He was 17.
    He has grown over the past 5 years.  He is now getting his first
    hard coating/bark on him.  Hopefully, soon, I will be able to
    stand in the cool shade of his leaves, and he will tower above
    me in his strength and his maturity.
    
    Two years separate our ages.  Sometimes, I forget which of us
    is older.  
    
    I recomment the match. However, time will tell.
    
    Cindi
    

    
    I just got some interesting feedback around this....
    
    Having chosen singlehood about 9 months ago I recently went out
    to a gig that my brothers' band was playing. I took a friend
    of mine...the first man other than my ex that I've been seen out
    with by family for a while.
    
    The next morning my brother called to see if we'd enjoyed ourselves.
    And practically the first thing he said was "Um... and *how* old is
    he?"
    
    My brother is three years younger than me. Dave is a couple of years
    younger than him. I was just surprised that he commented on it.
    Doesn't bother me in the least. But it felt odd.
    

    re:  .88 (Angeline)
    
         Who could blame *him*!?   (You're so attractive, you know?)
    
    ;-)
    Frederick
    

    A couple of years ago I had an extremely negative experience dating a
    much younger man, so it just doesn't appeal to me anymore.  
    
    When people get to be over 35 or so, a difference of 5 yrs. doesn't
    seem like much, so I would consider dating someone around 35 or so,
    since I'm 41 (almost 42).  But, personally, I wouldn't consider going
    out with someone who was still in their 20's.  I find I enjoy the
    companionship of people closer to my own age more than that of much
    younger people.
    
    Lorna
    

    
    Lorna, isn't Matthew Broderick still in his 20s?  Or is he one
    of those baby-faced thirtysomething actors, like Ralph (Karate
    Kid) Macchio, or whatever his last name is.  =8-)
    
    Carla
    

    re .93, Carla, I think Matthew Broderick is either 28 or 29.  What can
    I say?  For every rule there's an exception.  :-)
    
    Lorna
    

    re.92 
    
    >I find I enjoy the
    >companionship of people closer to my own age more than that of much
    >younger people.
    >Lorna
    
    Second that. It's harder to communicate with people who lack
    your experiences, or who remember so much *more* ;-) In the last
    few years I've dated women from 19 to well-over-40, and find
    I'm most comfortable with those in roughly the same age range.
    (What can you say to the girl who thinks Paul McCartney started
    out in Wings? And who thinks Springsteen is _old_?? ;-) )
    
    Dana
    

    I see nothing wrong with a younger man in a relationship with an older
    woman,if there happy.I was in one relationship with an older woman,
    and it was wounderful. I wish there were many more open minded woman
    in the world .I miss my relationship ,and can only dream of another.